Yesterday Jispa wanted to talk to us regarding her education
and the colleges she wanted to take admission in after finishing her 12th
here. As parents this has been a reasonably tough ordeal. Understanding which
colleges are good and which ones are not so.
Which subjects she wants to take up and which subject she wants to
graduate in.
This is obviously so new for us. The expenses are tremendous
and could potentially destroy the family budget and a few years ago, I had no
clue how I would ever be able to even afford something like this. We thought a
lot about it, and I have had such swinging opinions on this. When the
discussion first came up, I was clear. There would be an ROI attached to this. I
would give / rather loan her the money and then she would have to return it
back to her mom in some way over the years.
I was clear at the time. going abroad was no small thing. It
was meant to be a big investment. I would only allow it if it was the big
universities that I could name. I would only allow US. It would only be if she
is take up a STEM stream or a medicine or something in which she would be able
to rise and make a mark for herself and such. I wasn’t going to spend that
money on small education.
Over these years we have grown much smarter about the
process and the whole big decision. So when yesterday she asked us that she
needs to speak to us, we were much prepared. Jasmine and I have had so many
conversations on this. It helped us clear our minds and take a bit of a relaxed
approach. Having a sensible conversation with her school counsellor helped as
did taking to sensible people who have done the same before.
Yesterday while talking to her we laid out the rules. Number
1 – go study but study what you want to and what you feel most passionate
about. If sports science is right now your passion, then sports science is what
you should do. Go and study sports science. Don’t bother about your job, your
pay, your prospects. Follow the love of your life. If today I had to live my
life again, I would have studied History and Anthropology. I would have never
done commerce and accounting. Whatst he worst that would happen? You will come
back to India. You are better than 99.9% Indians and I cant vouch for that. You
will do well for sure. Suppose you come here, you can work with lots of
aspiring atheletes and work with them and take them to the next level. Sure the
monies wont be that great and that you will have to live with your parents for
a bit but who says that you would not be successful. Once Jasmine’s uncle gave
me a piece of advice that I did not pay heed to but I now agree. Naukari – no kari.
It means - job – never do.
He said that he ate bananas for lunch but he refused to take
up a job. He set up his own business. I think if I would have set up my own
business, I surely would have been successful in whatever I would have done
over a period of time. I could have been successful as a 22 year old starting
off or a 30 year old or a 40 year old. I am betting that I will be a successful
50 year old man as well when I start. Right now, I have ideas buzzing but I am
not pushing for them as I can’t afford it.
As a businessperson when I was young, I couldn’t fail and
that meant I could not start. That’s why I started working on a job and a
corporate career. For you, you don’t have that silly thing holding you back. You
can start slow, do what you love. You don’t have to be independent. DO whatever
you love and if you are smart you will be successful. It may take time, but you
will get there soon enough. If its what you love you won’t bother.
What’s the worst that can happen. You come back to India and
you do an MBA. You follow my footsteps and get a job in India. That’s also not
so bad. You can start your life this way. Who cares. You just might have to
stay in my house longer than you care for. That’s it. So when you are choosing
your college – take the subject you want and see if they offer it. Go to the
UK, Canada, US or Australia but please do what you want and try for the best
school that will offer you that specialisation. After that – you hate your
subject – change it. But please study what you want to and not what you have
to. I don’t need your money. I need you to be happy.
That was quite a speech. Its amazing how my attitudes
changed. I just want her to study well in the field that she chooses. I think
that if you do that, you will enjoy the rest of your life. I was lucky I found
marketing in my life later. I think I was good at this and I kind of love what I
do. Its fun.
These days I am in charge of a sales team directly and I am
trying to get them to run. Trying to understand the complexities and giving
them the ammunition to attack. Its going to be fun.
This is when work doesn’t feel like work. It feels more fun.
That keeps me going. I can take more shit around the work and the people that
come with it. Because its fun and you can escape all that by working on more fun
things to be done while working. That’s what I love.
Coming to which I came across a term called email apnea. It seems
that people stop breathing or have shallow breaths when answering emails or
texts. That’s right. This is a scientific thing. “Salzberg talked about
email apnea (or screen apnea), a finding by Linda Stone, a writer, researcher,
and former executive at Apple and Microsoft . Stone noticed that a majority of
people (possibly eighty percent) unconsciously hold their breath, or breathe
shallowly, when responding to email or texting.”
“…that holding one’s breath contributes to stress-related
diseases and disturbs the body’s balance of oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitric
oxide, which help keep the immune system strong, fight infection, and mediate
inflammation. It can affect our well-being and our ability to work effectively.
Shallow breathing can also trigger a sympathetic nervous system “fight or
flight” response. If we stay in this state of emergency breathing and
hyperarousal for extended periods of time, it can not only impact sleep,
memory, and learning, but also exacerbate anxiety and depression.”
This is serious. I see this in myself. I have to try and
control this. This also happens while TEXTING. I think we need to breathe a lot
more while working. I need to breathe while thinking, talking and working in
general. Luckily I have this condition that any stress reflects in my lower
back and it starts acting up. I have learnt to immediately start breathing and
it goes away. Remember to breathe.
After the chat with Jispa, I was so happy and proud of what
Jasmine and I had become as parents. We could finally allow Jispa’s wings to
pop out unfettered. It was just beautiful. I could say what I could because we
have had so many conversations on this. Quite bedside conversations on what on
earth would we do? How we would go about this?
Only by having innumerable conversations, our heads turned
from the transnational nature of what we were thinking to the more core learning
nature of her education. Study for study sake. Because you love the subject you should study more of
it. That simple. The joy of learning.
This has helped us breathe more. And will help us breathe in
easy in the future.
