Before you learn to win you must learn to lose

It is so important to lose right. You might get more learnings out of losing than possibly out of winning. At least that has always been the case for me. And if the stakes aren’t that high, I dare say, it is fun losing.
As a kid we sued to play a lot of games. Cricket, badminton, volley ball, basketball etc. Cricket in the narrow lanes of Mumbai was a speciality. Cricket is a stupid sport in the sense, that a lot is required of an umpire. You can’t really play until you have an umpire. So we would divide ourselves into two teams and start the game. The batting team would need to nominate an umpire. This by design resulted in huge conflict of interest. It was a zero sum game for the umpire. His team wanted him to give decisions in their favour while the other team at the least requested for a neutral approach. In so many cases there will be split judgements involved. Things like caught behind and run outs were especially contentious. There was no way it would end fair. To add to the conflict of interest, it was in the umpire’s interest to get his won guys out as well, if he wanted batting. Then came the issues of no balls, catches which are taken close to ground, the scores and the number of balls left/ delivered in the over. The really contentious ones like leg before wicket, which is completely reliant on the umpires judgement were simply banned from street cricket. For the street bullies this mode of getting out was simply thrown out.
The decisions would come under greater scrutiny when an important batsman would be batting. The opposite team will bay for blood and appeal like crazy, and the umpire will have severe stress not to give out. While when you play domestic matches, matches that are played within your own team, the decisions tend to be fairer. But in case you have a match with some opposite team, the fight levels can climb. And if a ball or something like that is at stake, then fights last for really long and tempers flare.
The cricket rules are also so numerous that sometimes different interpretations seem equally logical. Street football is so much better. There are no real rules except goal posts, the goalie D and handball. Everything else is permitted and no one heard of anything called off side.
Since we are a cricket playing city, fights were de rigueur. And in tournaments they were intense. I was naturally competitive and I had an acute sense of fairness. I would not tolerate injustice, especially if it was done to us. So argument on scores, run out and the lot was something I was routinely involved in. but there were some kids who were known for arguments. They could never be given out unless all their stumps were shattered. Run outs did not exist for them. They were generally the trouble makers and they usually resulted in the game being abandoned. It was crazy. I was midpoint between them and the centre. In other words I was an ass.
My brother, as is with everything that is me, was sitting on the other opposite fence happily looking at the ensuing tamasha. More then once he pulled me aside from the group when I was arguing, ‘why are you fighting? Is there a trophy? Is this a major tournament? does you life depend on this?’. I don’t know when, but certainly not immediately, the penny dropped.
I don’t argue too much with any official. I really don’t care too much about wining matches. It’s the fun thing. I like to play with people who don’t argue too much. Otherwise its just spoils the whole point of the game. Even today when we adults come together and play anything, be it a board game or anything… I rather have fun trying to decipher the various permutations and combinations rather than try and win every game. Sure I like to win but its more fun playing the combinations. I really don’t understand adults trying their best to win at a board game. Trying and scheming and fighting. It’s good for them. It’s good for me as well. It makes the game fun to watch, but then at some point it irritates. Some of them are so childish. They just don’t get the point. Now they are adults so they cannot openly fight but you can see the fight inside of them. Some can’t even accept graciously. And when I win, they assume that I am playing tough. I am just playing fun. I am trying to understand the game. If I get an interesting play I don’t keep it to myself, I try and decipher it for the others. I like to discuss it. This would only help reinforce their belief that I am a real fighter. Oh god.
I used to be like that. I used to love to win. I have changed so much over the ensuing years. The aggression is still there, it’s just better channelled elsewhere.
I keep trying to explain to Jispa that winning is not everything. Yes, when we play we want to win, we try to win, but the aim is not to win. It is to play properly. Get your technique right. Get your teamwork going. Learn from every game. Winning is a by product of stuff that we do. On Jispa party on Saturday we had devised a treasure hunt. It sounds like a great idea but we got mixed up. I thought that the adults would play with the kids. I thought the adults would make the kids understand the game and solve the treasure clues together. We even built in the use of a compass and gave the clues directional bearings. It was fun. But the poor kids just ran around. I don’t think the adults knew how to handle a compass, let alone make the kids understand. So while the adults loved it, the kids probably got a bit tired and bored. And when I wanted the adults to play some games with the kids after the treasure hunt, the adults were too tired while the kids loved it.
I just love the chance to play with the kids. I don’t understand how you can let go of the chance to play with them. I am here, getting them all together devising the games and trying to get them to have fun. All you have to do is show up and show some enthusiasm. I don’t know. Adults like to talk. We get together and talk. Yappity yapp yapp. Use your body, worst case… use your brains. Yapitty yapp yapp… yuck.
Coming back to winning. Jispa was in a team that came in first. There was one clue that all the teams struggled on. We had to give the answer out. For some that clue came in second, for some it came in fifth and so on. At one point all of them were stuck on that clue. So we helped them with the answer. Some poor teams spent an hour before we gave the answer and some poor teams spent about 30 minutes before gave them the answer. As a leveller, I docked the 30 min team 15 minutes as a fairness measure. So as Jispa came in I said you penalty is 15 minutes. Some understood and some just did not. The desire to win supersedes all. Jispa refused to understand. She was almost getting upset. Later after the party I explained to her “kid, its your party. Number one – try not to win in your own party; number two – when a great sportsperson comes to write against your name. He writes not whether you won or lost but how you played your game. Play hard by al means. But please don’t play with winning as your only motivation. Laugh when you win and laugh a lot more when someone else wins. Help others. Learn from other at all points. Concentrate on the technique and game. Winning is not everything.” I also warned her that if I ever see her behaving in an unsportsmanlike manner I will get her off that sport. Respect the game.
Jasmine then remembered a video she saw on facebook. It was of Derek Redmond. Favoured to do well in the 1992 Olympics, while running the 400 meters he tore his hamstring. He fell, cried in pain but got up to hobble and complete the race. His dad also ran on the track to help him complete. Some videos on youtube talk about the relationship and the fact that his dad came in. I see no merit in that. if my daughter also were to fall on the track, my instinct would also be to help her. Nothing unusual about it. But when I saw the video tears dropped. The pain and the agony and yet to hold on to it to finish what you came to start. We showed that to Jispa. It matter not whether you win or lose, but how you played your game. He came to win for sure, but more importantly he came in to compete and for that he had to finish the race.
I like the way Steve Waugh never ever asked for a runner. He did not believe that if you are injured then you need a runner for you. I too hate the concept in cricket. I will bat and hit the ball all over while some one will run for me. Bull. Complete bull. I don’t ever remember asking for a runner ever. I don’t want to ask for one as well. Anil Kumble got hit on his mouth while playing in West Indies. He came on to bowl all strapped up. Sure he did. He is a champion bowler. That’s his job. But people miss that he also came to bat. He is not a batsman. That was not his job; there was no glory in that for him, nothing to embellish his record there.
Here is the Derek video.


See this one. Listen what he says himself. At first he thought he was shot or something. After a few seconds he realised he was in the Olympic semi finals, so he just had to get up and run.