principally, its the same thing dude

The Jain paryushan session is on. And as usual it means nothing for us born as Jains. As I get more away from religion, I have started answering questions about my religion as “to answer your question on my religion – let’s simply say – my dad was a jain”. Who knows what I am and what I believe in.
Belief is a moving target. My beliefs are constantly shaped and realigned. It happens every few years. Turmoil, internal or external reshapes them. My experiences are getting redefined every day. Sometimes I feel that the others who are religiously inclined are better off. At least they have an anchor in life. An anchor that they believe is thousands of years old and an anchor that has the benefit of thousands of smart people spending their lives trying to fine tune and configure. Compared to them I am starting from scratch. I will have to think for myself. I will have to configure myself. All those questions to which the answers are given by philosophers whom others call saints, I have to choose to answer them myself. I have to question the questions myself. And I have a house to run, a job to perform and a boss and a team to which I am answerable. Hehehe. No wonder these fellows all retired to the jungle to ponder and think. It’s not possible in the human zoo.
I have been thinking about this. Jispa gets the disadvantage of this here. If we had been more religious, possibly we would have been able to give Jispa an answer to a lot of her questions. But as we stand today she would have to set out to get her answers herself. It is purely her call. But the upside is that she wouldn’t have to do all these rituals as a child without really understanding the significance. The poor thing has to do a lot in any case as a child. And a lot of it I am sure is against her free will. We are glad we are not imposing religion on it.
Today is Jispa’s birthday and she had a few friends over for a party. One sweet girl was fasting through the week. Not the hard core water only fast but a simpler – eat only two square meals a day. The meals have additional restrictions on the type of food, but they can be engineered to be pretty fulfilling. While the kid was able to do it through the week, a party where the highlight is gorging while on the move, get a bit tough. The kid was crying. I realized the pressure she was up against. While I don’t endorse the fast per se, I had a smallish chat with her. I told her that you have been pretty successful fasting so far as the conditions were good and helpful. It’s like running a race against a first grader. Now you are running against kids elder to you and now to win is a great victory. Now is when you must show greater control.
At the same time I was wondering. Is fasting about victory? What are you winning against? Does the child understand that? Then is it right for them to fast? But this is a start. A culture that will help them later. A culture that will help them fast when they are older and hence help them ponder about the various answers in life. I am sure fasting is not purely about food. It must about the mind as well. So then is the child doing right or wrong. Two schools of thought.
Do it now. It’s a bad world there. Kids must be equipped to face the pressure. After all Indians do well abroad because they are used to the pressure. They know what it is to fight and win. Pray now. A habit is formed now. Win and try harder now.
On the other side. Hold on. Who says you need to push winning now. A time will come when they will realize what they have to do. Its ok to lose now. The big payoff comes when the child grows to be a healthy human. A balanced human who has seen life slightly easy. Not so competitive. Not so cut throat. A n adult who will grow to decide his own destiny. In case we don’t know what the world will be like. Junkies who watch movies all day long become creative directors and guys who play games make more money as game designers. It’s a different world out there.
What is the truth? I would like to believe in the latter. Easy does it. But these are so difficult calls. I used to have a point of view but now I only say – I don’t know. As of now I want her to enjoy her life. I think I must push her only enough to study as much as its required to be ok. Not too hard. Mathematics is good for you, as is literature or arts or swimming that she is doing. Who knows what I will think five years down the line. I believe in not pushing but will the peer environment make me what I don’t want to be. The atmosphere will push Jispa to succeed and she will want to and she will want me to push. Then will I push. What will I say?
Jispa swims because she enjoys swimming. I don’t push her. Jasmine does not. In fact we get really pained by ferrying her all over the place. It’s tough to wake up at 5 and get her to the pool. Really painfull. But we aren’t complaining. Every time I feel her tummy and feel those really hard abs I feel proud. She is getting fitter and stronger and she will have a sport with her for a lifetime. But thenshe knows she wants to do it and she would get really upset if we stop it, and at the same time, she is a really pain to wake up in the morning. One of the worst morning starters. I have to cuddle her and wake her. She begs for two minutes, she cribs and tries to get back. Every once in a while she will get a scolding and then it’s back again. Today she wanted to bunk swimming when she was half asleep but when we pushed her to get up she was keen enough. The same thing for guitar practice. She likes it it but needs to be pushed to start the practice.
I find myself no different than the girl who was fasting and her mother. The stand was clear. It was your choice to fast and if you want our opinion, you mustn’t eat now. Stay in there, it might hurt a bit but the final choice is yours. So in the morning while I might have not agreed with the fast, principally the position is the same as ours.
It’s so easy to pass moral judgment, isn’t it?
The same goes for our everyday life. We pass moral judgments everywhere. That is wrong and that is right. We are pretty sure about it but I guess most of the tie it does not even pass internal introspection. Funny nah?
But no, the situation is different and I am merely muddling issues. Am I? Am I not?

fast blow

Yesterday was my tryst with an unmitigated disaster. Jainism has this 8 days of fasting. And am really not the religious types. But since the last couple of years I have been doing a day fast. Basically surviving on water through the day. It’s my way of experiencing hunger or getting my self a detox. Full TP.
So this year I tried one fast yesterday. It went off well through the day – drinking tons of water. Evening the head started hurting and the weakness began to set in. I guess it was the loss of sugar or something. Also contributing was the fact that we have been staying at our in laws ever since the renovation work has been happening at our house – so that means generally sleeping later than usual. So I was sleep deprived. Then in the evening we happened to walk into a theatre and watch Kamine. A dark film with a dozen gangsters thrown in. That was the limit. At interval I stroll out with my head reeling and spinning very fast – I pop in a gelato ice cream and corn cheese nuggets. Later after the movie I drink juice and eat a pear before collapsing in the bed.
Either I was too tired to fast or too old. In any case it dealt my self esteem a decently large blow.

office space

I can get really weird. My office kids get the brunt of it at times.
The seat behind mine has been empty for sometime. My boys use this seat to dump and store stuff. I hate it. If you can’t have clean offices spaces then there are issues. If you are unable to order in advance and figure out where to store stuff then there are issues. If you are ordering entire India figures then you must courier the stuff from the printer office itself to all India. What’s the bloody point of storing the stuff in office? The space behind mine just got allotted a few days back to a new joinee. Today morning I come in to see 15 – 20 boxes of folders completely jamming his desk space. He has been on training last few days and therefore the desk has been a empty. But that still does not give the guys any right to jam anybody’s space. A new guy is more sensitive to all these cues as compared to anyone else. So I did the next best thing. I took these boxes and jammed their desks. Have fun. It helps to some in early in the morning. How does it feel to get a dose of their own medicine? Take that!

Here is the picture of their desks jammed. The two desks jammed are the culprits of the crime.

Hey I never did tell you how my first fast went off. One full day of not eating. It was fun to start with. Difficult to keep away from popping random things into your mouth. I had tons of water whenever I was hungry but it was fun. The night dinner was surely the toughest to avoid. It is soo easy for the mind to tell you that – eat, it does not matter, it’s not religious, it does not matter. And it was fun fighting it off and saying I don’t care. I am not eating. Sleep came nice and fast so it was helpful. But it was fun. Who knows, next time I will attempt two days perhaps? Worth a shot! You could write tomes on hunger but it has to be felt the hard way to really feel it! I loved it. I am richer for the experience.

I had booked online with rajasthan tourism. It was a please to book online. I cancelled the reservation. It was even faster. Now to see if the monies get deposited in the bank account as fast. Will keep you posted.