Choose your words very carefully. You will have to eat them
soon enough. But that should not stop you from still saying what you have to.
Over the years it’s amazing how words I have been forced to
eat of my own. It’s not a lesson in keeping your trap shut. On the contrary
just because I had an opinion and that I opened my mouth about it made me realize
after many years that I was wrong. After continuing to open my mouth on a lot
of issues pertaining or completely outside my realm I realized that I know
jack!
You can’t really live life without having an opinion. We may
or may not express it but we will definitely have it and it reflects in our
actions. Jasmine and I are different in a way that she never expresses her opinion
and I would always volunteer it. But that does not mean she doesn’t have an
opinion. In many cases she may have an opinion and a very strong opinion. Her actions
will speak louder than the words coming out. But opinion is definitely there.
Now when Jispa was born I so happy it was a girl. One of the
reasons was that at least there won’t be a pressure to study. India was shining
and there were many field opening out that were not directly related to
studying too hard. You need have been the best of the best to make your mark. I
reasoned (openely I may add) that while the girl is the same as the boy child,
the society puts too much pressure on the boy child to make his mark. While the
girl child can get away with whatever she chooses to do, hence the pressure to
perform in class is less. While it still may be true that the society treats the
boys separately, it is not true that I would ease the pressure on studying on the
girl child.
As a parent I realize that Jispa has it in her to perform. She
can and must do her best in studies. With her grueling swimming schedule she
must make time at every available moment to study hard. From Tuesdays her tests
start and we have started teaching her and pushing her to study. Earlier my
stand was that keep me off the study thing. I am not going to help her study, after
all these are all stupid things and don’t really test understanding. But there are many flaws. If Jispa must have the
freedom to choose then she needs to study now. And it’s impossible for Jasmine
to take this burden alone. Its way too tiring and mentally exhausting. So I must
pick up the studies as well. My weekend is equally ruined and not to mention,
this results in strained relations with my daughter as well.
I try and teach her stuff but I am so dam bloody depressed
after all this. One I have to make her study. To do that I have to shout at
her. At one point while studying Hindi I whacked her with the book (not so hard
though). I forget she is not a boy. It was a whack that boys don’t care too
shit about. I also gave her a slap. Again not so hard. But then Jispa protested…
no it’s not done. You shouldn’t be slapping me. Mom makes me study and if I don’t
understand she repeats and explains again. There, I was the bad guy. I know I mustn’t
raise my hand but I really don’t know how else to get her to concentrate. I never
slap her or scold her on her grades. That’s a n outcome not the act. While
studying, it’s so goddam frustrating. But as soon as she told me, I understood.
I protested that it wasn’t hard and it’s almost playful. But she refused to
accept it. So then I said sorry and I told her that no more whacks, but you
need to start concentrating. It worked for then. But it still was tough on both
of us. At start I don’t know Hindi well enough to teach a fifth grader. Then she
writes some random stuff in her books from which I have to take up.
I should be slapping her. I shouldn’t be. Even if it’s a light
one. It’s not done. My only come back is that I listen to protests and
immediately make up.
The fact is that I am ill-suited to making kids study. I can
make them dream, I can make them think, I can inspire, but I can’t make then
study. That is one thing I can’t do, not in the current system. But I see no
option for a lot of study pressure we put on Jispa. She also realizes it, she
also wants to push the bar and top, but then it’s up to us parents to bear the
cross. And of course eat our own words.
The more I see of life the more I realize the value of hyper-specialisation.
The world belongs to specialists. Specialists who take on specific fields and
are the domain experts in them. They are the ones who will inherit the earth. Standard
average joes will find themselves good work but will never be able to break the
ceilings. In good times and bad, it’s the hyper specialists who are constantly
up on the curve and adapting to new and new changes in technology are the ones
who will be in demand. The key point here is constant adaptation. A hyper specialist
carries a curse. Whatever she knows will be common knowledge soon and could be
obsolete sooner. So she needs to go deeper and deeper and constantly stay
relevant. So I hope to push her to study and I surely hope I don’t push her to choose
a field. I wish she chooses a field of her own liking and I am not forced to eat
my hat then.
I have eaten too many of my own hats to the point of
indigestion. I don’t want to do that. The trick is not to wear less hats but to
wear more edible hats – you understand the point?
