who is to blame?

Yesterday as an eventful day.

I got up reluctantly to go play badminton. I like playing but I also realsie that if I don’t get enough seep I should be sleeping nd not playing sport. I think sacrificing sleep and going for fitness is a recepie for disaster. So I always try and get my sleep first and play later. But hell, Jispa also takes the opportunity to go to the gym when I go for badminton. Those are the alternate days on which they don’thave their swim and so it works out really well.

I took her to the gymkhana and suddenly while stepping out of the car she was in severe pain. What happened? She jammed the door on herself. Huh? Ya. Only Jispa can do that. She jammed the car close on her own finger. Oh dear, it was bad and the finger was blue. We ran up to the ice machine and got her finger in a glass full of ice. Now the eternal question – should I fuss over her and take her home or should I play the game while she waits on the sidelines with her finger.

The father in me wanted to play the gaem but the husband in me knew, that would be trouble when I get home. Jasmine would have fired me for letting her daughter hang around in pain while I played badminton. I told Jispa that we can go home. She was ok to let me play but still, I have been more years a husband than a father. I have been trained well on what to do. I went back.

In the afternoon another incident happened. I got free lunch at the restaurant SodaBottleOpenerwala. Yup. That is a name of restaurant. It serves Parsi cuisine. I called up Jasmine and told her – “you know there is good news. I got free lunch today”. “Why” she asked. Err… “That’s the bad news.”. She then guessed “they served you lactose food”. “no, Because they served me prawn curry”. “and you ate it?”. “Yes” I replied. “I ordered for the veg Parsi curry and the waiter got the curry. I started eating it and I was thinking about the fact that it has no vegetables but only chewy soya bullets. (I am still cringing). I even offered it to my friend who is also a vegetarian and she also ate it thinking its soya. Then I saw the distinctive shape of the prawn and I asked the waiter – what is this? He looked at it and pat came the reply – its prawns. And then he freezes for a second and looks at me and says – you ordered veg. Then he runs into the kitchen and comes back and tells me that I had ordered veg but the cook screwed up and he is getting the manager. The manager came and apologized.”

Ok. I ate what I thought was an ugly prawn dish. I was holding my head in my hand. What would my reaction be? Should I scream and shout? Should I break his head, should I demand a free meal... for life? Should I throw a fit? I just looked at my friend and we looked at each other and were wondering what to do. I simply told him, that go away for a minute and I just took stock of all the thoughts that were racing in my mind. Ok. I had the prawns. It’s not that I have a huge issue with non veg. I have no religion that went kaput, I had no belief that were altered. It’s ok. It’s a human mistake. It’s just that prawns look yucky and they feel yucky to eat. It’s a full body that went inside my mouth and I can feel the crunchy chewy feeling.

So I simply called the guy and asked him to take the food away. He wanted to replace the food. I was in no mood to eat anything else. I asked for fresh lime to wash the feeling. Hahah… now that I say it, fresh lime juice, sweet and salty, less sweet is my ganga jal which washed away the sins of eating it. Haha. What to do with the waiter. Its human error. Can really fault him for this. That’s why some of my friends and their parents who have huge issues eating non veg even accidently don’t go to the places that serve non veg. that’s why they go to vegetarian only restaurants.

In Mumbai there is a huge market for veg only places and the same is replicated across India. Veg only is a big thing that is extremely important to the vegetarians. Such risks are something they are not happy taking. So now when I look at them and wonder and ask them – why… I know the answer. It’s a question of risk which is unacceptable. Like I was explaining to my friends in office. Its ok to get this once in a while. I go to non veg joints and order veg food. I get the pleasure of eating at different places. In all these years it’s only normal and very very statistically probable that I would get one instance of non veg in error. The world doesn’t work with six sigma efficiency, which also allows of 3.4 defects per million. And with India having 1.3 billion people and also many trying to be vegetarian and a subset of them eating veg at non veg places, the odds are that you will get prawns in your lifetime. Now that I got it and the waiter and the manager as well the cook skipped a heartbeat, they will be more careful the next time – the follow up odds of them screwing up are lesser and then will have to wait for one more million people to eat from their hands for another 3.4 errros to creep in – that is if they are at 6 sigma.

If they are working at less then, more will happen. So why get angry at them. They were only trying to do their job. Possibly the cook needs glasses and is not rich enough or educated enough to get them. Possibly the waiter should be trained for checking the food against the order. Possibly the manager must make checklist of the food every time. The management must constantly train for this and every time this happens a root cause analysis must be done and the process must be fixed. Possibly all of this must happen and I am 100% sure that none of this happens and yet I eat… continue to eat here. And hence IT IS ME WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE CONSEQUENCES. Why should I then scold the guy? Why?

in longing for the tomato cheese toast sandwich

I miss having tomato cheese sandwiches. After I knew I was lactose intolerant, I dint miss not eating all the lactose rich foods. I have a craving for very few foods. I don’t miss, pizzas too much, nor ice creams, nor normal chocolates, nor rabdi or kulfi. What I end up missing at times is curd and at times buttermilk. Yes – the sweet buttermilk at Dadar. The one that my dad introduced me to. That was the awesome thing that I introduced Jispa to. There is this shop at Dadar west, very near the station (opposite nakshatra mall). It’s a nondescript place which only serves lassi. There is no board outside announcing the place. It probably grew by word of mouth and is at best 5 feet wide. At the entrance itself is the proprietor making lassi with a made to order contraption which is basically an old wooden style lassi churning device attached to an electric motor. There is room only for people to get in or get out in sequence, not simultaneously. The shop is around 20 to 25 feet long with narrow benches on both sides. And he serves only one thing – lassi – full or half. Typically, there will be a line outside his shop as one batch finishes their lassi. They come out and the other batch goes in. You go in and sit along the sides and wait for the server to come in with a massive tray with lassi glasses. Full or half. You choose and drink. Every glass will have a scoop of cream of curd on top of it. Thick sweet, creamy lassi, deeply India style. And on the way out, declare what you drank, pay and leave. I introduced this to Jispa and she loved it as well. I miss this. I am making a sad face right now. And I miss Tomato cheese toast. I love Tomato cheese toast sandwich. With some herbs in in.

Recently over the long weekend, I was helping Jasmine with some chores at Dadar. It was really hot and I took her with the car to finish the pending work. It’s one of those things that is a mighty bore to do alone. So, we parked the car somewhere and roamed around doing the chores. Then I took Jasmine to a place I knew from before which served some nice Misal Pav. Misal is the ultimate Maharashtrian dish and this road side eatery was good at it. After having some missal we were going back to the car when I saw some laal bhaji being sold. This is to is something that I saw some Maharashtrian friends of mine get for their lunch. I urged Jasmine to buy some and while she was buying, I saw that there was a restaurant at the side that seemed interesting. A very basic simple restaurant, non air conditioned and with a menu written in Marathi on black boards. It was serving interesting dishes that I had not even heard of. I told Jasmine that I was going in and checking it out. To cut a long story short, the restaurant was ‘Tambe Arogya Bhavan’ and served some of the best Maharashtrian food I have ever had.

The most amazing thing about this place is that I have passed this place upteen number of times. It is on the main road in Dadar and I have never ever even realized that this place exists. It has been under the radar and hidden from everyone, food critics, foodies and aficionados alike. It was a serendipitous discovery and a lovely cheap place to eat. I wrote about it on FB and tried to spread the message to whoever who cared to listen. It’s a place I would love to go to, again and again. Dadar trips are now going to be fun – taking people to this place and then to the lassi guy who is stone’s throw away.

But the story is not this – the story is how I am amazed at myself turning foodie. I was never a foodie. Food was simple to me – it’s something you eat and not something you go fancy over. Take anything and put cheese in it and voila – you are done.

Two things happened to me – first I realized that I was lactose intolerant. That one thing sent me on a trail of understanding food and the body and how we react to it, interact with it and live with it. And the second - I got a deeper understanding of the evolution of food and our food habits. A deeper understanding that has more anthropological roots in it. And it has been an eclectic journey. It has helped understand who I am and what I eat. It had helped me understand who others are and what they eat. And in the end, it has helped me what others will eat and hence what they will become.

I don’t know when and where and reading or listening to what not, did I realise that our food habits were dictated by world war 2. This is an interesting story. The fast and quick version of this is simple – Europe retained it culinary traditions through word war as the supply lines were relatively short and they eat from the farm lands and fresh food. US fought the war across the oceans and had huge supply lines. They are a large continent to start with. This ensured that any transport of food had to be processed and tinned. All tinning makes food mushy, slushy and easy to eat. After the war this industry was channelized for the people and that’s why you have such food. Over time as they exported culture and food to the world, we realized that this food is fast (hence fast food) to eat and gave us instant calories and protein – essential to survival. We developed a taste for it and slowly we started making all food easy to eat.

The most popular foods today in Mumbai are idlis, dosas, pastas, McD and margarita pizza. Basically nothing to chew. When I realized this, it changed my taste and my passion for food completely. Now, I look for joy in food when I go to eat. Sometimes we go to just eat. That’s filling your tummy. But some times, I love to go and eat for tasting, for feeling, for texture and for anthropology. To understand the culture and people behind the taste. What is it that makes us, us?

This has made me into an interesting foodie, and a food snob of sorts. I like to taste the food and analyse all of it. Not simple gobble it down. Keep it for a few moments in my mouth, understand why I enjoyed it or not, what is so interesting about it, what is the chef trying to do. Once I understood this, it made a better chef myself, as I treat friends with flavours and textures with my fun stuff on salad and deserts. It has become an enriching experience.

As Dharen said, you can write a book on hunger, but to really experience hunger, you have no option but to be hungry for a day. Being lactose intolerant made me miss my cheese and curd and ice cream, but it opened my palate like none other. It made me understand the role of food in my life, in our lives. It made me understand what it did to me. Today I understand what foods I like for lunch and what I like for dinner, I know what makes me play better and what doesn’t. How my energy levels move according to the food I eat. This has been an amazing enlightening condition. I look at all the so called gujju foodies and feel sorry for them. They are what I was. “I will eat it as long as you can cheese it’ is the gujju philosophy. Recently we went to a place called Spesos. It is a gujju orgasmic paradise. It had cheese on everything. That’s why all of the gujjus were in full force there. We went there and ordered for myself the only two things that were lactose free on the menu. By default, those were the south east Asian items. After my condition, this cuisine is the best for me. Authentic SE Asian cuisines are naturally lactose free and they have become the family haunt. In 30 minutes of having the food, I got severe bloating and a mild migraine. The jokers must have put some cream or something in the soup or gravy. Why else would the damn gujju eat there? Jokers. But hell – I just had to sleep through it. Luckily it was dinner time.

But still no complaints. People ask me all the time about my condition and feel sorry for me. I don’t think they need to. I feel happy for me. Some talk about cures available and some talk about tablets that allow you to eat the stuff. But I am happy. This has meant a healthier lifestyle, less sugar, less fat and by that logical consequence less salt. All of which is good.

But the knowledge that I gained thanks to this has also been amazing. The simplest of which being – you will find milk when you least expect it and you will find it missing where you expect it – tomato flavoured ready to cook and eat noodles have milk solids in them and Oreo cream biscuit doesn’t. People wonder. Especially when they think about it and ask – then what is the white thing in the Oreo. Well – that cream biscuit you are eating has no cream. It freaking hydrogenated vegetable oils. And that stuff is bad for you. Really bad for you.

Frozen desert that Walls sells masked as ice cream is also that – it doesn’t even legally qualify to be called ice cream, and that’s why recently an ice cream maker Amul came up with an ad that called it just that – NOT ICE CREAM. They took them to court.

People don’t realise why there is so much sugar, salt and fat in their diet. Neither did I, till I got affected by it. That’s a good thing. Such a beautiful cultural extravaganza from a stupid condition. And now thanks to me I am teaching Jispa to eat and understand. We started reading ingredients on wrappings and understanding their impact. We started understanding a little bit of good food. When we travel, certain restaurants come with very interesting foods and certain local places are true to their roots. It has become an interesting family discussion. Food food, glorious food. But not as a means to grow fat but as a means to understand one-self and ones roots. Because if you don’t know where you come from, you are not going to know where you are likely to go. Deep nah?

And yes – I still miss tomato cheese toast. But I think I am going to get some lactose free cheese from US (Jasmine’s brother) and I am going to savor it, without sharing it. Lactose free cheese? Yes – I figured that aged cheese is lactose free as the lactose is shed in the whey and then the process ensures that the lactose is already digested in the curing itself. See – shit you would never know till shit hits you man. And just yesterday, I was talking to another swim parent whose kid is lactose intolerant. I told them about the cheese which is certified as lactose free. He didn’t know that. The poor kid obviously didn’t have pizza, but now it could. Thanks to this information. This also came to me once when my fiend was having some cheese that he had bought for himself and he saw the wrapper that said ‘lactose free’. It’s crazy how the information spreads. I feel like starting a community of lactose intolerant people.

Such is the way of life. Knowledge doesn’t come by itself. It must have meaning to you in your life. It cannot be aimless. You have to find its purpose. Food now has purpose for me. The books I read on sport have purpose for me. What I understand in history has purpose for me. Because of this purpose I can understand it, appreciate it, apply and therefore have a greater passion for it. Purpose can come from anywhere and can help you, but I am not so sure that real knowledge can be gained without purpose. At least not for me. I lose interest and it wouldn’t seem to really help. That was the problem in school and is the problem with boring teachers. They may have had amazing expertise but the ones that I loved was the ones that connect that to my lives or inspired it as a story in my life. I loved those and hence that’s how I teach. My marketing class tries to connect stuff that happens to things that happen in my life and hopefully it tries to connect to things that will happen in their life as well. Then only will they listen and then only will they understand and that will make an impact. Not otherwise.

we are what we ... eat, sleep, see, talk

i am a big believer of experiences. Experiences teach more to people than anything else. these experiences over a period of time define who you are and what you think. Of course you must be open to learning from all experiences. The positive ones teach you stuff and the negative ones teach you stuff. Everything is designed to teach you as long as you are open to learn from it. 

This weekend we came from a long Diwali weekend break. We had straight five days of holidays. We made the most of it. Jasper was in camp at Japaloupe. She has been there once before. they teach horse ridging there and they have a whale a time. So Jasmine and me were virtually free for the week. the first couple of days we went to my friends house in Pune and from then on to spend three nights at the Hilton property at Shillim, near Lonavala. 

The Hilton property is a 5 star deluxe one. I had been there once before with office guys for an offsite. Th place is crazy expensive and definitely doesn't justify the price in my head. But Jasmine’s brother had bought a large number of nights in advance and was going to have a lot of them unused, so we made a plan and we went there with Jasmine’s family. Free stay at the Hilton was always welcome. On the last day we had to go to pick Jispa from the camp and then get her to stay with us for one night. While travelling as a family we have always stayed in simpler places. I think as technology and internet has advanced the price of interesting places where you stay has actually gone down. We now probably stay cheaper than ever - some times in inflation adjusted terms or sometimes in absolute terms. We never stay at the 5 star properties. So sometimes I feel that as a family i should be taking Jispa to a few five stars. Sh should not grown up in awe of them or not knowing how to behave in them. She must be used to all types of stay options, from a 300 buck home stay to  a 250$ star rated property. So I happily took up the option when my brother in law proposed the same to me.

There at first i wondered when he did not take the all meals option. There is no other place nearby to eat. its a huge property, in fact its so huge that you order for cars to take you to the dining area and back to the room. there is no way you are going anywhere else for meals. He turned out to be right. If you take the all meals package you end up eating at the buffet all the time at the cost of Rs2,500 a head. Its way too expensive and most of the time you don’t want lunch after your late and heavy breakfast. Then for dinner you have a choice of eating elsewhere and not at the buffet. They have two other place you can go to eat. One place that was described in their brochure caught my eye - The Green Table. this was connected to the spa and was billed as an organic restaurant. Jasmine’s brother had been to Hilton many times but never went there as once it was closed for some reason and then he did not get a good review. I knew enough to know that in many ways our tastes in restaurants and experiences don't match up. i always like new and different experiences - and he tends to like the predictable and consistent experiences. I would never ever book a  large number of nights in one place to start with. So I had told Jasmine that we should try the place.

I didn't bother so much about it as I was happy where the family was but on the last day, Jasmine decided ot bring that up as an option for dinner. only my nephew agreed and hence Jasmine, Jispa and my nephew decided to eat there. When we reached there the menu seems extremely exotic and we wondered if we would like it. The kids tried ordering while i was talking to the chef for my vegan food orders. I asked him if the portions were enough for one of two and then i learned that restaurant was a Fine Dine concept. One portion was enough for one. Oops. Then i ordered my stuff and then turned to the kids. The kids wanted to order soup as one by two. one by two is a lovely Indian concept. you order soup typically One by two. You order one soup and they then split it into two bowls. This is good for most restaurants including the high end ones. When they tried it here, they were politely refused. Hah! then i explained the fine dine concept to them.

I have had dinner once before at a Fine Dine. You go in and order your meals by the courses. I had eaten at the Zodiac Grill at the Taj. This was as fine dine as you could get. This was when one team at the Wealth management office where I was, had done a large deal for a mutual fund. I was the chief negotiator for the firm and I got them a dinner at the Zodiac Grill. The mutual fund team invited me as well and I got  taste of the Fine Dine experience and I remember it till now. It is a bit of a lovely experience. Also the food is so well plated and decorated that you like to just look at it. Then the flavours - these flavours are cooke din to give a bit of surprise and nothing is done to overwhelm the taste buds. A little salt here and a little sauce there and just a hint of a single type of flavour not messing with the others.

So here also the fine dine was absolutely exquisite. It was a great experience. The tiny portions, no strong over powering flavours, the amazing textures, the palate cleansers… My nephew and Jispa had a whale of a time. Jasmine who at the start was not so sure of the place too enjoyed the food. We have the money now but going and spending so much at a restaurant never did hold that much of an attraction for Jasmine and me. First spending money is an issue and then eating is an issue - we don't really enjoy eating that much and then spending so much money to EAT! Woha, thats too much. So this was a good opportunity. Lady luck beens good to me these days, i have a little spare money and the holiday was free so i could spend on the food.

What i was amazed at is that Jispa could also appreciate the food. For a kids these days that are burgers and pizzas fanatic who cant chew, fine dine is a bit of a concept. But Jispa enjoyed it and we ended up discussing and sharing plates and morsels with each other. taste this - taste that… Did you get this taste, isn't this quite interesting - blah blah… We went on and on. The vegan stuff was also good. The waiter told us that i was the second vegan patron there. The first vegan there was - guess who - Aamir Khan (bollywood actor). So they knew exactly what to serve. they even whipped up  mousse kind of desert from hazelnut paste and peanut butter which was amazing. The experience was something to savour. food can get interesting if you know how to appreciate it.

Of late I have begun to understand food to some extent. I think people in general are getting better with food thanks to Masterchef, but i think i have begun to get a greater understanding of it after i turned vegan. Now i smell food, see it, taste it, try and decipher the flavours etc. Its an interesting journey. I am trying to understand this better. the texture as well. Jispa and me have started having these conversations on the table at restaurants. I think none of us will ever become a foodie but and live to eat but i think its interesting to understand food and be able to appreciate it. You go across the world  and food is something you can appreciate. Like the last time i travelled on research - i tried food everywhere. I have actually trained myself to understand it, like it, appreciate it… and sorry about this - learn from it. Someday i would love to talk to a food historian. We are what we eat!

go goa

Ok, the verdict is out. The glares are awesome. At least they were in the first few days that used them in Goa. Awesomely light and very clear. I used them in the swimming pool, on the beach, on a scooter and in the Arabian Sea. Ya, I was swimming in the sea with them on. Perfect. Very light and very clear and so far no scratches. Vasool.
Goa was a fun outpost. Jispa has become a fine water baby. She wants to hit the swimming pool in the hotel and then refuses to be dragged off the water on the beach. I spent hours and hours with her in the water. And I realized the utility of having sun tan lotion / sun block being liberally applied on your skin. I thought I was dark enough to function without it. Two days of roaming around in shorts (only shorts) and red burnt shoulders later I had learnt my lesson. The last two days were spent applying cold cream indoors and sun block outdoors. That seemed to soothe it, though I ended up almost screaming every time Jasmine or Jispa happened to lean on my broad albeit red shoulders. Hehe.
Now we are pretty much convinced of the power of tripadvisor and lonely planet. It worked for us here as well. The hotel was exactly as we expected – nice simple, sweet with a clean pool. It also helped hitting the right spots to eat and relax. Goa is fun off the crowded areas. On one day we went to south Anjuna to get a lovely clean beach. The eyes needed some adjusting. Nopes, it wasn’t the glare. That my sun glasses took care off, it was the topless women, and blatantly so. I was thought getting topless women at a public beach was an urban legend but this was the real thing. The first instinct was to look at Jispa. She didn’t seem to notice it. Luckily it wasn’t like a nude beach, just a few women topless.
Luckily I have turned out fairly stable about nudity (inspite of a deprived childhood :P) and have been fairly level headed about it. This is my second brush with it. Once many years ago some asset management company had taken us on a cruise. One of the shows was a topless show that I found no point of going to. The second time we had gone again. Another dumb asset management company. This time a set of students who were now working with us were also there. They wanted to go but were a bit shy or trepid. They wanted me to come along. Almost like an adult. Sure, I had no qualms in them seeing it and I have always thought that nudity is so dam overrated. So the show started and soon enough the models were topless. Once it’s off and blatantly so, it ceases to really excite. This was a show which started at I think 1 am or something. Soon ten minutes into the show I was fast asleep. I hate shows of all types. Seeing people dance and sing and perform on stage bore me no end. I hate the award shows as well. Now I am also getting tired of Jispa’s school shows. Once her act is over, I am all ready to sleep. This exciting topless show was no exception. Some of the other guys also slept through. But at least they woke up to know that the experience is much more hyped than it actually is. I always encourage the kids to see it for themselves. For decent stable minds it really really can’t be that much fun.
Ditto for the beach. The only real minor irritant. You try and look away from the sun bathers as you don’t really want anyone thinking you are staring at them even though you might not honestly be staring goggle eyed at them. Whatever! Family man must be a bit careful. Always.
While we are not the gastronomic delight seekers, with the lonely planet recommendations, we realized that if you have time its good fun to roam around (especially when the journey is part of the destination), looking for the recommended places and eating. Never waste vacation time on eating but if you have alight schedule, a bike filled with petrol and all three love going around a bike, any excuse is a good excuse. And if the excuse happens to be in the form of waiting pizza then all the more.
All in all a great time. The scooting around on a Honda scooter, the lazing around on the shallow waters of clear Mandrem beach, eating raw mangoes stolen from a tree, removing my shirt and still feeling overdressed… worth every bit.

Salt and pepper

There are fine dine restaurants and the then there are those which are not. How do you know one from the pretenders? Simple. Look at the salt and pepper bottles. The udipis and the fast food restaurant are the ones who have always got them wrong. There is no consistency in the bottles so as to indicate which is which. Is the ones with fewer holes the salt or is it the other way around. Or is it something to do with the size of the holes. I have seen innumerable diners including myself, completely confused as to which is which. We invariably test one and wonder what comes out. White – now take the other – wow…black… now we know. Sometimes you get two whites or two blacks. I think the best designs here are the transparent containers where there is no mistaking what’s inside. I don’t even trust the ones with the markings P and S on them. I can read but there is no guarantee that the lowest common denominator at the restaurant can. Add to that the sticky Mumbai weather which ensures that salt does not flow and what have you? A complete customer experience. Yesterday we were at this restaurant and when we asked for the salt and pepper. This is what they gave us. So how do you know which is which. Look closer….

The only way to know for sure is to tilt it and see what falls! or else you can smell it and hope the first one is not pepper.

While on the subject. How do you know if your lassi (thick butter milk) is really a thick lassi with malai (cream) in it. You do the spoon buoyancy test. See below. If it floats, it passes, if it sinks, then that’s exactly where it belongs – in the sink. Forgive the absolutely inelegant use of the pun.