It’s difficult to deal with the bitch in office. Human
tendency is to bitch and find a common ground to bitch on. People like to
bitch. Often associated with women, men too bitch like crazy. But somehow I have
seen more women bitch about than men. I think men play the games that are more
virulent than the women. They get Machiavellian and start plotting. Actually
all this I think is ultimate Bull S. I think men/ women – they are all similar.
They all bitch, they all talk ill about others and all try to find common bitch
stories. It’s pretty painful in office when they bitch about you and amazingly
fun when you are bitching about someone.
Till a few years ago I too was quite affected by all the
bitching that was going around. I too wanted to be loved. To be loved is an
interesting but not universal tendency. I have seen guys who don’t care about
being loved. They are way too much in love with themselves. They think that
they are it and that people should naturally love them or don’t even care whether
people love them or not as, long they fulfill their own objectives. And then
there are the others who want to be loved. It affects them if people don’t love
them and don’t understand if people don’t love them. Why would you not love me?
They are on the ones who like to give love to their fellow beings and be nice
to all around them in the hope that the people will love them back,. These are
the guys who we call the nice guys and as in most real life stories… nice guys
finish last. These are the guys who invariably get upset when people don’t like
them and talk ill about them… after all that they did for everybody – why would
they get this shit.
I was the latter. I always wanted to be loved. Then life
teaches you a lot. I think fatherhood, public service, jobs and generally
interpersonal relationships taught me that no one has a guarantee on love.
Nothing is compulsory – no love is generally expected form anybody. I learnt
that I cannot be the first type and the second type is really up for a disaster.
There is a third type. Love for the sake for love. Love that is in essential
selfish. I love because I love to love, because that is the thing that makes me
happy. Getting love back is also happy but you can’t expect it and you don’t when
you are going to get it back. Of all the people you love some will hate you for
it, some will call you a fraud and some … some are worth all the trouble. They are
ones who give you a lot of love back. But the timing is also in your hand. I
see a lot of my kids every year grow up. Some kids keep in touch and some just
drift away. Some in some vague ways give a chance to feel their love and some
just go away… and you can’t predict one from the other. So the only policy is
simple – love all, but stay nicely disconnected from all that love.
This is difficult. Can you love without expecting anything
back? Is that real love? Can you have the intensity without expectation? This is
the real test but it’s impossible for me to follow. I can preach it but I cannot
live up to it. So I have found another way around this. I love, I expect but I don’t
let the expectation burden my love and my loved ones. It’s easier around the
office and society but of course more difficult when the intensity cranks up in
office. But I am learning every day, I promise you that I am learning every day. I am trying my best and it has helped. When
you do something because you love someone and because you expect something back
from your loved one – then believe me – the loved one rises to the occasion and
give you a lot back and loves you amazingly well. This is the truth – the bets
love is always the one that you get unexplained. The love that is there because
it’s there (sorry Mallory).
That helps deal with expectations and of course frees the
loved one from the burden of your expectations. They are free to express (or
not) their love in ways that are unique to them. Sigh..
I was talking about office bitch and I landed here. On the
office bitch – expect it no matter what. Laugh at it… have fun – they are
humans after all and most of the time bitching is a way of team building and
solidarity. Some are viruses that need to be removed – these are the negative people
spreading the negativity… but largely the rest of us are well meaning bitches
letting off a little steam. You can’t control so much in your life – if you can’t
control your love and the love you get back – then what’s with these simple
bitches….
