loose talk and love

It’s difficult to deal with the bitch in office. Human tendency is to bitch and find a common ground to bitch on. People like to bitch. Often associated with women, men too bitch like crazy. But somehow I have seen more women bitch about than men. I think men play the games that are more virulent than the women. They get Machiavellian and start plotting. Actually all this I think is ultimate Bull S. I think men/ women – they are all similar. They all bitch, they all talk ill about others and all try to find common bitch stories. It’s pretty painful in office when they bitch about you and amazingly fun when you are bitching about someone.

Till a few years ago I too was quite affected by all the bitching that was going around. I too wanted to be loved. To be loved is an interesting but not universal tendency. I have seen guys who don’t care about being loved. They are way too much in love with themselves. They think that they are it and that people should naturally love them or don’t even care whether people love them or not as, long they fulfill their own objectives. And then there are the others who want to be loved. It affects them if people don’t love them and don’t understand if people don’t love them. Why would you not love me? They are on the ones who like to give love to their fellow beings and be nice to all around them in the hope that the people will love them back,. These are the guys who we call the nice guys and as in most real life stories… nice guys finish last. These are the guys who invariably get upset when people don’t like them and talk ill about them… after all that they did for everybody – why would they get this shit.

I was the latter. I always wanted to be loved. Then life teaches you a lot. I think fatherhood, public service, jobs and generally interpersonal relationships taught me that no one has a guarantee on love. Nothing is compulsory – no love is generally expected form anybody. I learnt that I cannot be the first type and the second type is really up for a disaster. There is a third type. Love for the sake for love. Love that is in essential selfish. I love because I love to love, because that is the thing that makes me happy. Getting love back is also happy but you can’t expect it and you don’t when you are going to get it back. Of all the people you love some will hate you for it, some will call you a fraud and some … some are worth all the trouble. They are ones who give you a lot of love back. But the timing is also in your hand. I see a lot of my kids every year grow up. Some kids keep in touch and some just drift away. Some in some vague ways give a chance to feel their love and some just go away… and you can’t predict one from the other. So the only policy is simple – love all, but stay nicely disconnected from all that love.

This is difficult. Can you love without expecting anything back? Is that real love? Can you have the intensity without expectation? This is the real test but it’s impossible for me to follow. I can preach it but I cannot live up to it. So I have found another way around this. I love, I expect but I don’t let the expectation burden my love and my loved ones. It’s easier around the office and society but of course more difficult when the intensity cranks up in office. But I am learning every day, I promise you that I am learning every day.  I am trying my best and it has helped. When you do something because you love someone and because you expect something back from your loved one – then believe me – the loved one rises to the occasion and give you a lot back and loves you amazingly well. This is the truth – the bets love is always the one that you get unexplained. The love that is there because it’s there (sorry Mallory).

That helps deal with expectations and of course frees the loved one from the burden of your expectations. They are free to express (or not) their love in ways that are unique to them. Sigh..

I was talking about office bitch and I landed here. On the office bitch – expect it no matter what. Laugh at it… have fun – they are humans after all and most of the time bitching is a way of team building and solidarity. Some are viruses that need to be removed – these are the negative people spreading the negativity… but largely the rest of us are well meaning bitches letting off a little steam. You can’t control so much in your life – if you can’t control your love and the love you get back – then what’s with these simple bitches….

summer funk

Oh darn its summertime. I hate the swimming pool in summers. These days every body want to hit the pool in the morning. It’s a bloody riot. First there are lots of slippers and only a few are in the rack. I understand kids not putting them in the rack but adults? then the changing room. Today all the hangars were taken. I was wondering how to hang my clothes. I almost thought I might have to fold them and place them on the rack. Not that it would have mattered much, but I have my office clothes on which I don’t really want to crumple up. Luckily one guy came out and took his clothes from the hangar allowing me the privilege. Till then I was looking at all the t shirts and shorts which were hanging there wondering if could just yank them off. You don’t really need to hang t shirts and shorts on hangars. As if they would crease up other wise.
Then I hit the pool. Man, there was no clear line to follow. I could see people in all the lanes. I so hate the way the guys who come regularly to swim and do that lazy and slow breast stroke. They don’t even need to breathe hard. I just see them bobbing up and down. Normally I never had an issue with it, but when these guys end up slowing up the lane its irritating. But its still ok… lets get progressively worse. Next on the line are the irritating women who will swim in the line that you have already taken off, and that too in the opposite direction. So a mid lane collision is imminent. In any case Matunga gym pool doesn’t follow lane discipline, but a little care and common sense would help. To day half way through I realised I was going to hit a boulder of a women and changed lanes. Luckily no one was coming from the opposite side. I try and set a route and pick a lane before I set off. Now I also look for potential women starting off. In fact now I even look for potential men starting off and switch lanes.
Today I managed to track one guy who was swimming properly and decided that the best strategy would be to follow him. I am a bit faster than most swimmers and hence need to give my self adequate distance before taking off, or else I might find myself getting kicked on the face.
The worst bit – the talking men. If I earlier thought that women can gossip, then the men take eth cake. They can talk on and on and on. They talk while showering, shouting across the shower cubicles. They talk outside the showers while in the bathroom while getting ready. Once I caught a pair talking while I came in and were still talking when I was walking out. In the changing room and in their swimming trunks. Wow. But that’s still ok. The irritating ones are the ones talking in the pool. They stand at the shallow end and talk and talk. On an empty winter day, sure enough, sit in your corner and yap away. But in summer when the pool is filled enough, get out of my way. Allow me place to stop and catch my breath. These guys haven’t figures the difference between the swimming pool and a Jacuzzi. Standing in the pool at eth shallow end for 15 minutes and talking. They talk shop, they talk ‘gossip’, they play match making. Everything we men blame women for. They are right there, talking. In the guise of exercise.
I miss the winter. Dark morning and cold waters. No one in the pool. Absolutely no one. I am swimming alone. The changing room is empty, the racks are free. Wow. I asked the attendant “till when will this traffic jam last?” “two months”. Man I cant wait for the rains to start. Good lazy mornings and people will want to stay in their beds. Thank god for small mercies.

get off... you are spoilng my aura

Its march again and the whole bloody stress thing will now play out. Increments, bonus growth etc. People will ask of the company what the company will do for it and the company will ask of the people what they have done for it.
The whole thing is quite a sham and has little logic or proper thought process. The top management will get in a huddle with the science that only they understand. And then you as will be given the letters and will have to show your face to the employee. Till the letters come in you are not even consulted or even in the know as regards anything. It is the state secret that is being discussed. Invariably it hurts more people than it will please. But then that is a function of human nature. Quickly the joy of getting money will disappear into the jealousy experienced when you realise who gets what. And you know what the truth is… I don’t think that the management cares a dam what you really think. And neither does the employee care what the management really think. In the end both end up cursing each other. One feels that the other is not grateful. I can’t understand what the gratitude feeling is all about. You gave your services, they paid what they think is adequate for you. No one did anyone a favour. Where on earth does gratitude come from? I am quite clear about all this. Experience has taught be a lot. I approach this with a sense of equanimity.
That’s what I tell all my kids as well. When the going was good, I told them not to thank me for all the sexy bonuses they were receiving and hence when the going went kaput, I kept the same stand. I don’t give you money or decide your hikes, its them, please face them and talk to them. I have learnt to influence silently from sidelines, and be quite about it. When someone is joining in, I try and fight for salary and quietly make an impact. At the time also I deflect the entire thing to ‘them’. I find it of no use to get any gratitude for salary.
Such is also the case for day to day functioning. If they crib about cash, I only say that I influence office environment, I give you freedom to work, I ensure my team has zero infighting and politics, rest for salary, this is what the company is paying. If you get something better somewhere else. Go. Please put my name on your CV as reference. Sure I address all issues with management but I have no real authority on the same.
This way I work focussed on the job. This way I don’t let issues of money affect my day to day life. I have seen people hanker around for money, play games, time resignations, manage the equations and waste tons of time cribbing away vitiating the atmosphere. I hate money talks and I can’t tolerate too much of cribbing and hypothising about what will happen. It’s a complete waste of time. Do your job and walk. Isn’t someone waiting for you outside office? Leave your worries home. Once you get the letter and the amount over which you have no control over then, you plan your action. Before that thinking about it is such a waste of time.
From around now to the date the letters are given I will have to duck such people and duck such conversations and duck the negativity permeating the floor. It is a big job but to preserve ones sanity, I see no option. Also the best way to turn these guys off is to agree and give some big lecture on why the management is trying their best and why they are right and why one should work for reasons other than money. Slowly they want to talk to you anymore as ‘the other side’ is the last thing they want to hear. Hehehe.

as random as it gets

Men are worse than women in gossiping. Women deserve an apology on our behalf. I think men seldom know, yet they can talk… yesterday at swimming was one case in point. We went swimming at the club and four men met in the middle of the swimming pool (I was among them). What followed was a 30 minute conversation on markets, depression and recession with much irreverence to the difference in terms or economic understanding. I am no opponent of shop talk but IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SWIMMING POOL. Come one for heavens sake. I took one lap – it was still on. Second lap – still on – third lap – still on… oh boy oh boy. Men can talk.

I remembered an interesting story that we learnt in school. It was in the poem section. This was the story of the a few blind men coming in contact with the elephant for the first time. With each of them having their own version of the truth. You know this one? No? Well here is the synopsis as taken from wikipedia. - In various versions of the tale, a group of blind men (or men in the dark) touch an elephant to learn what it is like. Each one touches a different part, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then compare notes on what they felt, and learn they are in complete disagreement. The story is used to indicate that reality may be viewed differently depending upon one's perspective, suggesting that what seems an absolute truth may be relative due to the deceptive nature of half-truths.

Jasmine’s big brother got for his kid a game called K’nex. Basically it’s a game that requires one to assemble a structure that takes a ball to some height and takes it into a roller coaster ride down to ground zero. Pretty cool. My nephew had been on my case to get it sorted. This Saturday I convinced Jasmine to help with it. We started at 10 pm at their house. First bhabhi went to sleep. Then Jasmine’s brother went to sleep. Slowly my nephew too slept away. Jasmine and I kept going. Well finally it was done. At 5 am. Wow seven hours at a stretch. This was amongst the best 7 hours I might have spent with Jasmine. Jasmine and I have been friends for 19 years. We know what the other one would be doing. We know what the other one is good at. We typically don’t have ego wars when we are trying to do something together. Ego wars are reserved for other mundane things in life. Hehehe. Here is what we ended up creating.
Sometimes I wonder why so many people appreciate the copy that I write. Could I really be that good? To my mind no. if I were to comment on my copy I would rate it pretty average. But there is a reason why people like it. The rest of what we get is horrendous. Badly written prose is rampant. There are too many people who consider them too smart and write over smart copy. At least I write it within the private realms of my blog. I don’t write copy like this on mineral water bottles. This is so crappy. I wonder how this gets on to commercial production. Why would you want to liken your customer to a Broccoli?

“Some say you are what you eat; we believe you are what you drink. After all your body is 75% water. And who would like to be called a piece of broccoli anyway? Qua is 100% natural and well balanced with minerals. Better still, it’s bottled at source using advanced French expertise. You see the water in your body renews itself every six weeks. We suggest you replenish it with something full of minerals. And what better way to pamper your body than with a gift from nature. Oui?”

Oui?? What a way to get some French association for Himalayan water.

Such stuff is there on so many products. I am a compulsive label reader. I can’t get through an aisle without reading labels. First they try and put copy everywhere, which might not be a bad thing; but you have to have good copy and a good thought before you put stuff anywhere.

Here is an SMS I got from my electric company:
Dear Customer,Your Meter Reading Date for MAR-09 billing for CA No.1*&%$#@#7 (number masked by me) is scheduled on 14-MAR-09.Reliance Energy.

Why the sms? Why would I want to know the date you are reading my meter? Have they bought bulk smses from their sister company and are now using it up? God alone knows.

Here is Jispa reading at night before she sleeps.

Here is what the tooth fairy wrote for her.

That's her at the Kala Godha festival (kid's art section). Good job at organising the festival. very cool job they are doing. Kudos.

Jispa got a mechanical camera (reaaly cheap one, 28 mm lens with fixed f stop at 11. no clue what the shutter speed might be) at the festival (freebie). She already uses a digital one. I have put in a black and white reel in it. Lets see if I can click something interesting with it. If its the photographer and not the camera that counts then go ahead and shoot with it, bozo.