what next

It’s funny how I am seeing myself age. Life priorities change. Your vision for the future changes. You start thinking about surviving peacefully as opposed to do lots of crazy things. It’s amusing for me to see how my mental model is changing as I grow older. When I shifted into this current house 10 years ago I had limited budget and lots of dreams and a world view that said – we will figure. Right now let’s focus on what’s important and build that.

So thanks to the small family that we were (we still are, I guess), we created a small house. We had almost no furniture and two cupboards and one bed. We spent the most, 60 thousand bucks, on the kitchen and made a small house for the small aspirations that we had. The idea was simple, we will figure as we go along the way. Slowly as we progressed as family, we did more renovations in the house. We got it painted, we added a dining table, a TV, we extended the house a bit, we got arm chairs and more cupboards. It was a lovely beautiful experience in building the home over ten years. I would give that up for anything. I really remember how small and cute and minimal the house was.

When we had money we bought a gymkhana membership. That too was bought with a sole intention of growing up with the gymkhana life with Jispa. She would do something, like swimming or badminton or tennis or something. It was an important and significant purchase for us.

Now after 11 years, as old as this blog, we have decided to move to our new Chembur house. This is a two bedroom kitchen and this is being done with a different mindset. Now we are doing up the house with a lot of focus on how it will be the same for a long time to come. We don’t have the attitude that we will figure. Let’s move into a nice home with all the amenities and the furniture sorted. So let’s have all cupboards, let’s have Jispa’s room sorted, let’s have the hall sorted, lets buy the right appliances, everything. Now the focus is not on the journey but to be that the destination has arrived.

I realize that at 42, possibly, just possibly, this is the house that I am likely to retire in and die in. I will not be able to remodel this again and again. Most of what we want should be done and made. So we are using good carpentry and good material for the home. Things that should last us for a long time. Now is the time that we are not looking for change but for permanence. So now what all can I invest in so that it will last a long time.

Next to the Chembur house is a gymkhana – Chembur Gymkahana. Jasmine and I were discussing the gymkhana membership and I urged her to come with me and see it. We liked what we saw and we saw that this looked affordable. But we have one membership, didn’t we? My argument to her is simple. We are likely to retire here as empty nesters when Jispa goes away. We are going to be oldies with little to do and lots of time and less income generating capacity. What will you do then? You will go to the gym and walk, go for swim, try and play a game or two and sit with your friends in a gymkhana. I am not even sure as we grow older if we will have the ability to drive up to Matunga gym and worse, you don’t want to waste money going there. I don’t know. But when you have this gymkhana sitting right here waiting for you to just hop inside, then that’s the ideal thing for the idle oldie.

Possibly when you are retired gymkhana politics or service, handling the affairs of the gymkhana is also something that you can do. Retired people work best as secretaries of housing societies and Gymkhanas where they spend their time doing honorary service, feel important and spend their time. It requires experience tact and time, which is what an old person would have. Hah. So we are now considering buying the membership for no other reason except – old age.

It’s a far cry from the action oriented unbrindled optimism of ten years back. Want to do something, want to live for the present, want to figure things out as they come. Now it’s a way to do least harm. I play with my knee in mind, with my back in mind, with a simple thing that tells me to manage myself or I going to be in trouble. I remember that my dad was only 45 years old when he got his first heart attack. I am 42. My immediate next goal – survive the next 3 years without too many issues. The fun bit of marrying early is that by the time I am 45, my daughter will be 18. I was 10 when my dad got his first attack. Hopefully first milestone will pass soon enough, without too much stress.

So that’s my ikigai for now – I am trying to create my ikigai when I won’t have any ikigais. That’s an interesting new time for me. Lets see.

jigsawing together

So now we are taking concrete actions to move into our new home. The Chembur home has been an interesting journey. I have written parts of this before, so I will be short - Many years ago when my salary rose without a corresponding increase in expense, we saw ourselves spending money on random things. First in the line of random things I bought was a wrist watch. I like wrist watches and I like nice wrist watches but I would have to admit – spending money on them and spending big money on them is pretty much the stupidist thing in the world to do. A cheap watch worth a 100 bucks will do the exact same job. But sure – I wanted a better watch and one day a friend of mine contacted me. He was in Victorinox and they had an employee sale for the watches. I saw a watch I liked. The scratch proof glass, the complete steel finish and a dark olive, extremely simple dial, with a date function. I loved it. The retail price was 26,000 and I was getting it for 16,000 bucks. A steal. I bought it. A few days later I looked at Jasmine and asked her, what on earth are we doing. We are flush with cash and we are blowing it. Let’s look at buying a new, better house. That’s how we bought our second house at Chembur.

 We then bought it and then went complete broke. We had no money for anything else except the EMIs. That was one phase of my life that I remember very well. I was earning well and I was broke. Eeps. What a dirty phase of life it was. We started eating exclusively at the gymkhana restaurant as it was the cheapest thing in the world to do. Our menu was bare bones and simple. Two soups, one starter (optional), one sabzi and four rotis. It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

This was on for three years and when we did get possession of the flat, we promptly put it on rent for around four years now. Finally now, economics and desire have met. Like many good things in life, I got none of them on a platter. I had to work for each and every one of them. We have now decided to shift. Now another big project for the family starts.

The best moments with Jasmine over the years have been when we work on projects together. When we have to do things together we invariably have a good time. Of course we fight and argue and disagree with each other. We also invariably dump work on each other – you do this, no… you do this. That’s the fun bit. The real work is when we realize that both of us have to pull our weight and start thinking and doing. Most of the time, one of us has already done some mental thinking and home work and then we remind each other of the work.

Just a handy tip for getting along – when there is work you have to show intention of doing and being a part of it, even if you cant really add much value. For example the fact that I volunteer to help with what I can do is most of the time enough for Jasmine while doing household chores. While se designs stuff for the house, the fact that I sit with her and help her and think through as well is important. Same with her helping me as well. You have to get of your butt and show intent. Then you can add value and then work together. Then you can build something much more than what you have built. Most of the value is in the bond you keep forming and strengthening.

Most of the time working jointly on projects without the problem of credit is where you build bonds. These can be in form of crisis or opportunities. With my students also I have built some interesting bonds, by being there when they want me. Most of the time it’s just a sounding board where they just need someone to talk to and think through the issues. These mini crisis help people empathize deeply with each other and then that’s where the connections starts to happen.

I keep telling that Jispa is another project by itself. Her swimming is a project. Her schooling is a project and her different issues that we have to counter is a project. Only by having these projects we have manage dot build for selves, an interesting bond. When Jispa moves on in life and we have settled into a groove for retirement, I wonder what the project will be. I guess that’s why parents insist of becoming grand parents. They are in search of projects. I hope we don’t create any such rubbish for Jispa.

For now – the new house is going to be an interesting project by itself. It’s good to think together, work together, understand each other, crib and then let go of the cribs, and it’s beautiful to have your daughter involved in the project now. We have her in it, taking her opinions and preferences as well. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle that the family puts together. I like it.

jispa's ganesha's

Quantity versus quality. What to do? What is the trade off? I have settled into a routine that makes me write every day I am in office and bunk writing all other days. Obviously I cant think of something profound every single day. Some may even argue that I cant think of ‘anything’ profound, any day!!! Whatever, but assumedly writing only when I think of some ‘eureka’ thing then I am likely to just not write at all. I mean how times does one get the chance to run out of the bath tub stark naked shouting Eureka eureka. Archimedes was ugly but at least he had something universal to say. So dear readers – do subject yourself to my TP and hope that some days I will write better than others. The other thing is that I am likely to write shorter than longer. If it is boring – gawd – atleast it ends fast! So everyday the routine is that from masjid to VT station I will start to think about what to write. On a good day I get two three topics and on a bad day – none. So I just keep writing, backspacing, and rewriting! But the fact that there are some of you who read makes me keep going on and on.
Yesterday I just finished the shifting and settling of my new home. I am happy with the shape it took. It was almost as close to the original visualization. Dam cool. Nice warm and completely livable. I had gifted Jasmine a set of 10 Ganapatis years back. Tiny terracotta ones. I arranged them in a row. They overlook Jispa’s bed. I was telling her that she will have 10 Ganesha’s protecting her while she sleeps. (we hope to see her sleep alone byherself) She kinda likes the concept. So lets see. That set about a conversation by her asking – REAL GODS? And I said something abstract like - No only statues but the god is real and he will protect. And we got into some highly philosophical discussion on real god versus statues and the fact that we cannot see god so we have statues etc etc. funny learning coming form an agnostic. But I am amazed by her ability to simplify and comprehend abstract, philosophical discussions and distill it in her own way. Interesting. That’s why I never try and get to dumb with her on explanations. I like to keep it as close to my understanding but with simpler text.
will try to get the photos of her gods and publish them here...