this model is so hot

Netflix is an irritating thing. Getting something that all three of us can watch together is painful. Many years ago, I had very little patience for a series. Who is going to watch so many episodes on one topic? Aren’t movies easier and more varied. Now I understand how Netflix works. A series helps you shortlist once, and if you like it – you need not invest so much time in choosing again and again – you simply keep watching the series and the seasons.

Also having a series allows the storyteller to keep the timing and pace of the story without worrying about the time constraints. The only constraint being the plot line and the general pace of the story. They seem to be a boon for a lot of independent story tellers. You can now have a niche story idea that is likely to bomb on the big screen but can find a nice niche cult following online. Be ready for more edgy creative work to be shown.

The one problem I seem to have with a large number of series is the sheer amount of random nudity that they put upfront. I am beginning to see a pattern in this. You show enough of nudity and sex upfront in the series and then the second season is when you show the story without the distraction of nudity and sex. The director uses shock and awe.

I am mot against nudity by itself or even sex, but it has to be there to take a story forward and it has to be tastefully done. Possibly its my age talking, but I see no reason for half the scenes. That bugs me. If its there for a purpose and it used smartly then its good, otherwise it a bloody pain. Why have it? Especially if the director is trying to showcase his good story telling skills. No problem of sex scenes in popcorn entertainment movies or series – its there for a cause. But not required in most series.

The best series that Jispa and me cant have enough of is ‘Shark Tank’. We can binge watch that episodes on end. It always a fun thing to watch. I think it draws people in. We like to watch and comment on the ideas presented and we think through on the possibilities it can have. Who will fund what and is it an interesting idea? Will it do well. Would I buy it. And then should I take that offer or should I negotiate. It’s a very tightly edited show with some real fun ideas.

I was teaching Jispa at the start the terms and the thing with equity and debt. How to look at the deal and what is it that you should focus on. It was fun teaching her stuff and watching it together. One of the things that comes naturally to me is Equity and accounts. I get the value of money, stake and business. Much better than most others. Its an understanding of it at an abstract level that counts.

Many Saturdays, I sit with a friend of mine (he is much older than me) and we discuss his business – it worth a whole lot. I like that. We sit and he takes me through his ideas and thought process and I give me inputs. I talk about some of my issues and we have a nice conversation. It keeps me at the ringside of a lot of developments in the tech side as well gives the best seat in the house as to how a business does. The decisions made and the consequences thereof. Last Saturday he asked me some question as regards money investments of the firm and at first I simple told him thanks and that it is flattery to me that you even asked me for my opinion on this.

He said – no, I like to ask you because you think very different. You have a way of thinking and putting things in perspective. Well yes. I think I do. I think very different than most others. For me a lot of my life decisions are mental models. As long I get my mental model right then I am happy taking my decisions.

Right now, I am sitting on cash in hand. I was wondering if not to invest. It’s a question of a mental model. If you have your model right, then whatever choice you make it will work for you. Life isn’t about right choices or wrong choices. We never know for sure what the opposite is there for us. We don’t really know what we will do sitting in one place or the other. We must keep mental models that keep us sane as regards the choices we make. That ensures we sleep at night and eat in time.

Going for my knee surgery was more a question of the mental model I had in mind and the risks I could take because of it. Deciding on the job change is also a question of the mental model. Same with almost every decision you take. I think my mental models have always helped me with my choices. They make sense of the universe for me. Rather they help the universe make sense of me.

Coming back to Netflix. I find myself drawn to any series that has some real story behind it. Like Crown or Narcos or World War or anything. Jasmine was telling me that I like to watch fighting and war. The truth is that I like history. It teaches a lot. So good historicals make me feel less guilty of spending hours in front a TV. AT least in the end you have something to take forward.

I think any good story has a lot to take forward for the listener/viewer. I must not deride fiction thus. But Fiction has less of an allure for me. I can handle a movie, but a fiction-based series soon bores me. I feel that the writer / director is making a mockery of me. I feel they are simply stretching an idea who time passed long ago.

I think me watching a history based or a reality-based story is just a mental model that is keeping me relatively guilt free while watching the telly. Also, I may add, these mental models aren’t beautiful models thought our before I take a decision. I think a lot of these come in to play once the decision is done. A lot of the times, they are simply justifying my decision in the best possible way so that it looks all scientific to me. I am ok with that and fooling myself with it.

Because if you have a model, you are basically giving logic to a decision. This logic you will hold in your brains. Then as the circumstances of your decisions unfold, you have model to hold them against. Did the thinking hold. Did the rationale work. Your model made in hindsight or not at least gives you an idea of what it did for you. How did it fare. This makes your future decision making a bit smarter. You have some models of the past to work with. That makes your future a bit smarter. I didn’t say happier – just smarter. Feel smarter.

All this just makes the Venn diagram of you and the universe, sensible and within control. Some people are happy ceding control and some people like me -believe we have some degree of control. To each his own. This is what works for me. You have to find out what works for you – Narcos or Game of Thrones. Both are such glorious waste of time or a lesson in human behaviour.

You choose. Because you the truth – your choice doesn’t matter. You have no clue of the counter. There – Opposites have reconciled in my head. Hopefully – I have messed up yours.

BTW – on Netflix – Jispa then asked me which movies we could see together. She wanted Bollywood movies. I chanced upon the crazy beautiful movie – Kapoor and Sons. We laughed crazy. Especially at the scenes where the director uses so many tools at his disposal to heighten the tension between the characters of a dysfunctional family. Twice he uses it in the movie to great effect. It’s a must see.

Here is the scene if you want to just see one small sneak peak. So much tension and so damn funny.

Social Capital

Sometimes Jasmine gets quite mad at us. Us – meaning Jispa and me. According to her we feed of each other and get worse.

Often I am accused of being too strong a personality for my child. One friend was chastising me for loving history and teaching it in a way that makes it interesting. She told me that what I was doing wasn’t fair. This was, thanks to me Jispa will love history and that I will be responsible for it. Oh come on yaar. Another day, quite recently one friend told me that its not fair that thanks to me Jispa won’t read fiction. Now what did I do? I hate fiction. I don’t read fiction but I don’t stop Jispa from reading it. Of course if she reads too much fiction I would ask her about it, hopefully learn from her point of view and understand her interests. I would get into debates about how fiction is a waste of time and effort and money, especially when there truck loads of non-fiction there to be consumed, and equally interesting. I may even win the debate but the final decision is for Jispa. She needs to know what she wants in life. And is it my fault that I am a personality, a large personality around the house with a  strong point of view. I read, I understand, I think and then I transfer. These days I have become less opinionated than before. I have become more circumspect. I ask questions to Jispa more than I teach her. She is free to think of her views and keep them but I am free to question them or ask her about another point of view. What’s wrong in that? I think not talking openly about views, counter views, questions and counter arguments is the most dangerous thing to do. The most dangerous question is not having one.

Many people will think that I am feeding Jispa opinions, debate and argument. They will think that I am feeding Jispa with my world view. What they fail to understand is that I am trying to merely instill in her a dose of skepticism. An irreverence of sorts. The ability to question everything. At one extreme it will give you no joy as you cannot trust anything. No love will be clean and unspoiled and unquestioned. But that is not the objective. The objective is to have the ability to question it and yet be comfortable with it. This is the essence of what I seek to teach.

These days picking a book to read has become a little difficult. Whatever book you pick up, there is a healthy dose of criticism in all of it. Every hypothesis that a book seeks to promote will have a strong and valid sounding counter argument. Today morning as I was sitting on the potty seat and was considering starting a new book sample  that I had downloaded on my kindle. It came recommended and had caught my eye but at the same time, had been critiqued. My thoughts flashed to another book sample that I was reading, just the day before. That one spoke about the ‘Wheat Belly’. That book’s premise is that we as humans should stop eating wheat as it causes all sorts of bad things, including making us fat. Ever since I was diagnosed as being lactose intolerant, food has become a bit of an obsession with me. I have spent a lot of time thinking and reading about food. One thing I realized was that Indians are pretty new to wheat in their diet. Only about the last 60 years or so, after the green revolution. But it became so widespread in our diet that we did not realize that our grand-parents itself hardly ate wheat. Including the granary of India – Punjab. It becomes difficult to read any book, or understand anything, or feel anything for that matter with a complete no holds barred approach and unbridled enthusiasm. I end up like today on the potty seat, smiling to myself. Ok – may this is interesting but also what are the chances of this being true. How time do I spend on book, trying to understand the author’s “POINT OF VIEW”. The same with people. A wise man told me that “don’t get close to anyone. You will find chinks even in God from a close distance.” This last one is a challenge. How do you relate to people, love them, be with them and not be close to them and not see their chinks? Possibly the answer is to acknowledge these chinks. To accept them, to anticipate them and smile when you find them. Because these deficiencies are just their but yours. These are the color of your eye glasses as you see them. I like seeing them and noticing them and smiling to myself. On a negative spiral I do get irritated with them. They have the ability to hurt me. But as Jasmine says, you love these people and you love spending time with them so just simply do that. Why think more. She is right. That’s the simple part of life, that co exists with the complicated part of life. One cannot let the presence of one interfere with the joy of experiencing the other.

These days, Jispa is coming to my lectures and giving me valuable feedback. She wants me to make these lectures a bit more interesting and wants me to be a little less strict when dealing with unruly elements. Sometimes I scold my kids just to keep them in check. I started this new thing of having a test in class basis some reading material I give them in advance that I want them to read and come. This created a weird situation. I had more than 100 kids attending my class. Oh dear me. I gave the test and gave an open offer for kids to leave. Some left but still a majority stayed. Teaching 100 kids is utter useless. An absolute waste of time. It’s like a TED talk. It becomes a monologue. No interaction, no joy. So, this time, I have made the test but the kids are free to access this online test from anywhere. If you have read the material and you are getting the test right, then you deserve the right to bunk class. That is the truth. So why should I be so fussed on attendance. Let’s see what happens today. I only want around 50 kids to attend. The genuine interested ones only!

Let’s see. Also I am impressed with Jispa’s ability to give me feedback on my teaching. She is not directly critical but suggests what she has seen as good examples and what she would enjoy. I like her style of trying to make her dad improve. Very very cool.

Coming back to the first point. According to Jasmine, Jispa and me feed off each other. I think that’s true. We tend to like similar stuff and we keep irritating mom with it. As of now, Jasmine thinks both of us are overtly anti social. Jasmine told Jispa that’ you are just following your dad without thinking. You both think that it is just cool to be anti social.” Anti social is loosely used here. We don’t mean we are anarchists and that we create unrest. Here it simply means that we are happier alone, without the really dumb people who we meet outside the confines of our home. I guess you can definitely call us arrogant, after that last statement. But I guess, when you meet so many opinionated people who don’t read and who don’t think its becomes difficult to socialize and mix with so many jokers.

Coming to another interesting point of view. Recently I heard of and read about a concept of “Social Capital” by Robert Putman. He wrote a book – Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community which was an extension of an essay he wrote - http://archive.realtor.org/sites/default/files/BowlingAlone.pdf . Wikipedia says “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community is a 2000 nonfiction book by Robert D. Putnam. It was developed from his 1995 essay entitled Bowling Alone: America's Declining Social Capital. Putnam surveys the decline of social capital in the United States since 1950. He has described the reduction in all the forms of in-person social intercourse upon which Americans used to found, educate, and enrich the fabric of their social lives. He argues that this undermines the active civil engagement, which a strong democracy requires from its citizens.”

This made me think and rethink. I have been in the past been critical of every one’s social instinct and every little social interaction. Especially when it is all centered around food. My gymkhana organizes it festive functions around food. Independence day, republic day, gudi padava and so on. My building also has a feast on similar days. To my untrained and arrogant mind, I saw it aa waste. An indulgence of sorts by people who just wanted to gather around and eat. And may be so. But now I realise - it is a valuable creation of social capital. If you organize a stupid get together, no one will come. But if you center it with free food, people come , interact, talk and create bonds. Food is a necessity and also a chore. It is a joy to have and a pain to create. Free food banquets attract people, help them open up and talk to each other. From here on, you create social capital. From social capital, you strengthen democracy. Local clubs, associations and groups of people coming together for whatever cause they want, fundamentally help create a sense of ownership and from there self-governance shall rise. Politicians have long understood this and created exploitable social capital by creating smaller groups for common purpose. The Shiv Sena in Mumbai organized itself through branches or shakas and established wada pav centres and reading clubs across the cities. The politicos organised cricket and kabbadi events and patronized clubs. Even the celebrations in my gymkhana and housing society are to my mind politically motivated – as in organized by the secretary with a view to keeping the population happy and fed.

Social Capital is important and one must be a part of it. I am guilty of not understanding it well enough and not participating in it whole heartedly. Possibly I can’t change now, possibly it’s not for me, but it is not right for me to sit and critique the formation of it. School and colleges have these clubs. Housewives have their kitty parties. Societies and gymkhanas function out of it. Shut up and use it, exploit it, encourage it, guide it.

One small thing – the author talks about the steady demise of social capital and one thing he blames is TV and internet. But I guess, he did not realise that Internet on mobile is giving us Whatsapp groups. Here social capital is again getting formed, and strongly so. Nice. Lets wait and watch.

keep renning

Teaching Jispa is to go on a journey yourself. Now more and more I am the guy in charge of the studies. In many ways I am the fall guy if anything happens to Jispa academic pursuits. Haha! I think this has come about thanks to two things – first Jasmine just doesn’t seem to have the patience to deal with the all the extra science and history and everything else. She would really need to up the ante and keep researching if she needs to be relevant. And second – more importantly – Jispa drives her up the wall. I think these two aren’t really designed to coexist and learn from each other. They are designed to be happy if they decide to let each other be.

So I am the guy. Buts interesting and its helping me in more ways than I can imagine. It’s a enriching experience. What Jispa learns in school is completely different from what I have been taught or in the way that I have been taught.  Her geography text book is with every penny and her history teacher forces her to think and research. They push the child into thinking and having an opinion beyond the syllabus or what’s written. While I was growing up, the rules were simple – textbook wrote – you memorized and you puked on the exam whatever you retained. Independent thought and inquiry was not really encouraged except for the personal beliefs of certain professors who naturally brought it into their teaching styles.

So I like it when we do geography its important to understand the history of the place and some other associated facts. Like right now we are doing China in Geography. If I have to teach her I better learn a lot more than what I know, as it helps in the discussions. Here of course learning channels like youtube have helped a lot, where some seriously talented people are putting their talent to good use. The Crash Course channel on youtube is especially useful for understanding history. So while learning about China I heard a few terms on Confucianism which I then further researched and its quite interesting that these principals are pretty universal in nature and that at the core of it, they can be applied to various situations that we face today.

Here in Confucianism, the Sage archetype is the ideal but it hard to achieve and hence there is another one for us mortals to get –  Junzi. I like this guy. ‘A superior person’. This man can stay in poverty, does more, speaks less, loyal obedient and knowledgeable. He disciplines himself. This man stands in contrast to the Xiaoren. The xiaoren is the ‘petty person’, someone who doesn’t grasp the values of virtue and goes only for immediate gains. These two archetypes are the types you get in offices. The text says that a ruler must be surrounded by junzi and not xiaoren. Which is true. I have seen it many times that good nice leaders quickly get surrounded by xiaoren and this starts clouding their judgment and affects how they behave. I have seen them in all orders and magnitude. The typical xiaoren is the insecure idiot who butters up his boss, surrounds himself by stooges, keeps his stooges insecure all the time and pumps bad blood in the system. These xiaoren have to be exterminated if the organization has to function. You have to keep these away from you, as far away as possible if you don’t want to turn into one yourself. I have seen it here where a leader whom I trusted and respected was clouded by the xiaoren in his coterie. He ate up the system form inside and left a lasting legacy of distrust and infighting. The leader, who is a good guy, had only one fault – he let the Xiaoren in. When you let one come in – you not only allow him to come in but in effect you also keep the junzi out. The two cannot co exist. The Junzi slowly stayed out of the leadership and were marginalized.

As a marketing head – I have had the experience of leading teams. I see the insecure people everywhere. Some of them in the team try and become my friends – close friends. Sure – I am all for friendship but then they quickly realize that just by being close to me doesn’t really mean that they get any preferential treatment as regards special coaching or perks or salary. They get equally jammed when make mistakes or have issues. Typically I have learnt that they like to hog time like pac man and let anyone else come in. The more time the xiaoren spend the less time the junzi have. By definition the junzi is a superior man – he doesn’t stoop so low as to fight. So you have to allow the junzi in. call him or her inside the circle, take an effort to listen to him and to understand his point of view. Often it’s not the junzi who is eating away your time – it’s the xiaoren.

So the leader must fight and fight hard to push these characters into their respective places. Bring the good guy in and push the bad guy out. Slowly of course as you do this – I have seen the insecure form a clique of their own and then branch out to other trees where they can fertilize seeds from their own toxic poop. Hehehe… I like that metaphor. It seems so apt. so these negative guys will slowly go away and you will be better off. Ofcourse you will miss the attention that these jokers gave you, but will live to be a stronger and wiser person. To become the Sage, you will have to wean yourself off from the licking that the xiaoren will give you.

So what’s the hope for people to more to the junzi archetype? Here also Confucius has given us an answer. To become the Junzi the core is Ren. So WTF is Ren? “Ren is the  virtue denoting the good feeling a virtuous human experiences when being altruistic.”  If that sounds impossible to achieve – our friend has given us simpler solutions as well - "Ren is not far off; he who seeks it has already found it." Ren is close to man and never leaves him.

 Also –

Ren relies heavily on the relationships between two people, but at the same time encompasses much more than that. It represents an inner development towards an altruistic goal, while simultaneously realizing that one is never alone, and that everyone has these relationships to fall back on, being a member of a family, the state, and the world.

Ren is not a concept that is learned; it is innate, that is to say, everyone is born with the sense of ren. Confucius believed that the key to long-lasting integrity was to constantly think, since the world is continually changing at a rapid pace.

The more I read about all this , the more I realize that all of this is open to interpretation and the answer is in many ways for each one of us to seek for ourselves. I think the essence of both Indian and Chinese thought is to look inside and seek for truth. This truth I think, is different for each one of us. The truth that lets humanity survive and thrive and progress is the truth that takes into consideration the truth of others. The duality of truth or the acceptance that various different truths can co-exist at the same time is the essence to being Humane, or experiencing ren. That’s why I think he says that Ren means to constantly think. I think it means to constantly evaluate our ideals and beliefs in relation to various different things. What the society now is thinking and what it means today to live or the force of technology or cultural change or whatever. Constantly think and relook at your self and see if you are indeed humane. Thast why he says – anyone can ren. Its inbuilt, one only has to search. The act of searching itself is to find ren. That itself is ren.

From here on there are two other interesting words – li and yi. “Li is the action which has been deemed appropriate by society, yi is the action that is indeed correct”. This is also very deep. Many times we do ‘li’ because that’s the path of least resistance. Change in society happens when ‘yi’ is done by the unreasonable man, even when it contradicts ‘li’. Many times we see ‘yi’ in action and we condemn it. Only when you have ren, will you reflect and figure if there is li in the action and then think twice when you pronounce judgment.

 These are such amazing references from philosophy or history. I loved reading about it and thinking about it. The internet is a lovely thing of course but it also requires you to have some ren on your own. It can give you a lot of information, but what you make out of it and refer back to your life is yours alone. I am glad that I had a daughter as early as I did. Thanks to Jispa, I am physically fitter than what I would have been and my diet is much better, as I am forced to follow her swimming life style. But also thanks to her questions and her education, I dare say, I am smarter than what I would have been. It is finally what you make out of it. There are sponges filled with water everywhere you look, how much you squeeze out of it is your problem.

Some days I aimless surf the net and see videos, but here, one led to another and the reason to surf was pointed. It was a geography class topic. China. Who knew how it would pan out? and definitely philosophy was not I was aiming for… but the mind – it’s such a lovely thing, isn’t it? keep ‘renning’

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Here is a video on our hero. I don’t necessarily agree blindly with all his ideas but – its an interesting point on the never ending , ever expansive map of philosophy.

la la LLI

Many years ago I started teaching, I think it was in 2002 as Jispa was born around the time I had my first teaching assignment. That time it was a fun and unique experience. It’s remained as much fun since then. But at the time I did something weird. At the end of the class I sat with each student and spoke to them – one on one. And I explained to them what they were facing in life and what they needed to do to break out… or something like that. That was a crazy thing. That was the first time I realized that I could start talking about people’s life at will. One kid was amazed because what I told her was exactly what her mother used to tell her all the time. I hardly would have taken 7-8 sessions with them but yet I knew quite a lot.

I thought that was a cool party trick where I could at will talk about people’s life and amaze them with how much I can figure. We are probably not as transparent as it may seem. In office as I grow up I normally have to counsel kids and get them to improve and they are amazed with how much I can tell. People have asked me over the years, how is it that I know so much. How can I tell? Some find it creepy and some find it crazy. For me it was a simple logical deduction. I released that I notice much more than the average Joe on a lot of things. I don’t notice this consciously. It’s more on a sub conscious level. It is there in my mind, forming patterns and images. So much is stored and then pulled out at will to create a pattern. Sometimes in office, I catch someone and randomly ask – so what’s bothering you. Didn’t sleep well? Or like the HR chick the other day – I asked her randomly – why did you not pursue your medical studies? She was wondering how I knew she wanted to be a doctor.

These things look creepy to the one on the outside but are completely logical and probabilistic to one on the inside. It’s one connection to another. It’s just that I notice a lot. Then soon I realized that this is a crazy thing to have. Some people will try and suck as much out of you, like a monkey doing tricks and some will get scared. And I also realized that this is only probabilistic. It is not a determinate science. I only build on what I know and what people agree to show me. I can go wrong and horribly so if people mislead me. And that at the end of it, it’s better for my brains to simply stop thinking.

These deductions are crazy and it’s not that I can spot someone gaming me every time, so it’s not something I have amazing gift that I can see through people. It’s only that I can somewhere try and understand your motivations and character and a bit of what defined your life coming till here, there is future I can see. At best I can only help you make a few choices by pointing the right questions…. But again nothing what you don’t know yourself.

I believed that happened because I was good at understanding probabilities and patterns. I live very happy with probabilities. I don’t necessarily need perfectly determined outcomes and plans. Add to that the fact that I have a crazy curious mind. I love to keep poking around and keep asking questions. An almost insatiable appetite for knowing why.

There was another trait which I did not think was related but I realize now is – ADD. Attention deficit disorder. In meetings and in conversations in office I quickly understand what the point the guy is trying to make and I lose the plot. I zone out. I understood the issue and want to move on. This is seen as arrogance. The other guy so many times tries to convince me that he has more to say, but I say yes or no – and say – great got it. This puts people off completely.

Another bad side of this – I just can’t understand how you don’t get it. It’s simple – it’s there on the board to see for all. It’s like staring me in the face, I keep saying – what you guys did not get it yet? This is the pattern / this is the trick / this is the answer / this is how it’s done.

All of this is interconnected and I did not know till I watched a few episodes of prison break. They talk about a condition called LOW LATENT INHIBITION (LLI). While I am nowhere near the crazy genius they show, I did try and research the term. And while I was researching I kept reading about stuff that I thought is exactly what I go through in life.

Latent Inhibition allows you to go through with life without getting insane. You block out repeated stimuli. You don’t notice everything about everything again and again. But with LLI – every time you notice everything about everything and that helps you understand if there has been a small change in stuff around you and you can draw conclusion from it.

“With low latent inhibition, an individual almost treats familiar stimuli in the same manner as they would new stimuli. Think of the details you notice when you see something new for the first time and how it grabs your attention. From those details all kinds of questions may arise in your mind. “What is that, what does it do, why is it there, what does it mean, how can it be utilized” and so on. The more of those questions you are able to figure out or answer, the better your understanding of that stimulus. The better your understanding of that stimulus, the more logical connections you are able to make between that stimulus and others around it. With the use of human memory you are then able to remember which questions you’ve already answered in relation to a particular stimulus, and those answers may then result in more questions. Low latent inhibition will usually result in extremely accurate instincts due to the sheer level of thought, processing and logical connection that has been made previously when faced with a stimulus or multiple stimuli.

So in terms of what we might see, somebody you know who’s generally always worn glasses might approach you having bought a new pair of glasses that look almost exactly the same but for a slightly different logo on the side. You usually wouldn’t notice the change of logo because your brain has almost dismissed the minor details that go with the pair of glasses they wear as ‘unimportant’. It’s your brains way of ensuring that it doesn’t need to constantly process new stimuli that probably won’t have any significance or importance to it. Yes they might wear glasses, but so what? In this example we simply see the glasses then move on.

An example of how somebody with low latent inhibition may see the same scenario could be that they almost instantly notice the smallest changes that seeing the new pair of glasses presents to them via the observation of stimuli, which may then lead to connections being made that people with normal latent inhibition might not make. For example from seeing the new logo, somebody with a low latent inhibition might deduce that their friend had been shopping since the last time they saw them, if they had been shopping they might have also recently received their monthly salary which meant they were able to buy the glasses. Did the friend have some insecurity with the last pair of glasses? If the person with low latent inhibition also knows the surrounding area well (and knows where the stores are that sell new glasses), and they know when the last time they saw their friend wearing his old glasses was (2 days ago), they might be able to work out the exact locations their friend will have been to, and depending upon which food their friend likes, where their friend might have eaten, and depending upon what their friends interests are, which other stores they might have been to after having been paid and what kind of things they might have bought…all from a small change of logo on a pair of glasses.”

You can read more here  - http://www.lowlatentinhibition.org/what-is-lli/

So it very aptly explains what I go through in life. It’s funny.

Here is another accurate description of what goes on in my mind

“You notice more, hear more, smell more and feel more through tactile contact. Without any conscious effort, your mind is in possession of a broader intake of information.

Upon encountering any form of stimulus (that interests you), your mind automatically dismantles and explores its components.

You usually see through the lies and the deceptions that people use in everyday life.

When learning, you can often make instantaneous changes.

Self-correction is easy because the underlying principle is more evident. Clearer.

You make connections and associations between seemingly unrelated material.

Comprehension is typically easy. You notice the non-verbal background information and this often provides a more comprehensive picture than what is being spoken.

There are exponential leaps of insight taking place all the time, with the background reasoning intact. Wave-upon-wave of permutations, options, variables and choices.

Creativity is a given. You see alternatives.

You notice things that other people miss.

There is no talking voice in your head. No 'chattering monkey'. The volume and complexity of the information drowns out conscious thought entirely.

Verbalising what takes place in your mind is impossible. Words render only a fraction of the entirety.

You see the world more thoroughly.

Listening to other people talking/thinking aloud can be infuriating. They are at point A when you have reached point N already.

Learning is not limited to defined periods of academic study. The assimilation of information is constant, ongoing and never static. There are no lulls or pauses. Everything offers a lesson.

Within the maelstrom of information there exists a place of calm and quietude. The eye of the storm. No verbalisation exists. No internal narrative. Just presence. No sense of self to intrude of interrupt.

Cons-

Education is awkward. Schools are not set-up to cater with this disorder. The way in which things are approached by schools seems piecemeal and incomplete.

It is difficult to write/type/speak quickly enough to articulate ideas and the breadth of the permutations involved.

Tact is necessary. People lie constantly.

LLI makes driving a car difficult. Your brain notices countless dangers and variables, and you become overwhelmed and nervous.

Hypervigilance can lead to anxiety.

Illusions are not very effective. You see through things without wanting to. Conventions and traditions have no significance.

You do not value what other people value.

Filtering out the variables and honing your options to something workable can be very difficult. Every solution potentially harbours new problems, new variables and new concerns.

People may find you to be a little odd, unorthodox or a little intense.

You have a habit of saying things that do not fit the accepted norm of behaviour. You often choose to disregard conventions because they serve no constructive purpose.

Background noise is a major problem. Noisy neighbours can cause serious stress.

Noticing things does not mean that you understand them. If anything, the abundance of what might be known lessens the desire to accumulate widespread knowledge.”

It seems that if you have LLI and a low IQ you are likely go crazy. But a higher IQ leads to creativity. And I think that’s the reason I am seen as far more creative than the average Joe.

Reading this has made me far happier about myself. In the middle I was wondering what is it that I have. Why do I see patterns that others don’t, what the hell is going on? Am I crazy or is the world DUH? It is very frustrating. Now I see it as a simple mental construct that is different from another.

And also I am happy with what my initial response was – just don’t think so much about what you are thinking. Thoughts will keep coming, just chill out and don’t give them too much importance. So more than anything else – this has helped me in some way deal with the frustration around me. Hopefully it will make me calmer and less irritable. Less moody. Less volatile. Tough shit.

perspectives

Long ago I too thought that the solutions to all traffic woes would be to build flyovers. As many as you possibly can, just build them and the traffic will simple cease. The simple logic being that if you don’t have halts you don’t have traffic.

Reading books by intelligent people gives you a perspective on life that is different than the average Joe. You look at life from different angles. That is the single biggest thing about reading. You understand that there are multiple perspectives and viewpoints for various issues. You also realize how much to trust propaganda and simplistic thinking. Also being in marketing you realize that you are not the center of the world. Most people (even in marketing) market to themselves and their own sensibilities. That’s not the right way to understand things. Just because you like it is no reason to have a pack design in a certain manner. Its what your core customer wants that’s important. I have learnt that India is not English speaking and we continue to throw English inside our communication. We marketer’s believe that everybody understands English. In offices in metros we think since we use English as the primary means of communication, that is the answer to everything. Of course you must understand English. May be earlier it would suffice as the big markets were the well-developed metros. But now as we look beyond the metros the vernacular languages need to addressed. The politicians and the film world have got it bang on. They are ones who have embraced the vernacular since time immemorial. But since we marketing people are based out of cities we forget the basics.

Simplistically as well, we think that the only spending on infrastructure we must do is the roads. So many people (very smart at that) have told me that the solution to Mumbai’s infra mess is more roads, costal roads, ring roads and flyover etc. No one seems to understand the huge amount of money being spent on what is a fraction of the people enjoying the service. Mass Rapid Transport is not about roads for cars but using bus and train services to connect people across the city. A network that takes a huge mass of people from one end to another. This opens out the city and flattens it evenly. People want cheap reliable mode of transport. The car is the worst thing for solving city woes. My argument has been rather simple here. My guess (only a guess) is that the amount of money the city spends on these massive flyovers can be simply utilized to do something else. Suppose we just take the number of busses on the road and triple it thus reaching far off corners and for good measure put air-conditioning to placate the office goers, the cost of which can easily be borne in lieu of the flyover constructed. Me thinks that with this kind of money you can even charge normal rates and give AC service. Ofcourse this is simplistic thinking. Flyover can last many years, far more than an average life of a bus. Plus no point having busses if your roads are jammed to start with. But the thinking is different. The point is to look at lakhs of people at the lower level than the few bums at the top.  

But it’s not easy to change habit. Over the last few years I have got the habit of travelling by car. First at kaliana and then at worli – my house is ill connected to office by public transport. It doesn’t make sense to travel thus. It takes far more time and is tedious. So I have the car habit. While I was in nariman point I used to take pride in travelling by train. This way I got my reading time as well. There is some loose talk that our office will get transferred back to Nariman Point. Jasmine and I saw it differently. I thought great - there is a new freeway from town right upto my building (literally – mine is the first building you get off to) and Jasmine said – great, now you can go by train and catch back on your reading. Oops. I missed that one. No body like change from routine.  I too am a victim of my own routine.

thinking

Haha. I liked listening to Salman Rushdie. He says Inspiration is nonsense. It’s more to do with concentration. I resonated with he said. If you sit in one corner and think about your work then you are bound to do a decent job of it. I think a lot of time is normally wasted by the creative in search for inspiration. Sure, some places or incidents inspire you to do something but that is the case when you are not a creative type of person. There is inspiration everywhere, what is required more often is a frame of mind.
My office is pretty boring with a bunch of staid bankers. Yack. They do their dull boring jobs with reasonable efficiency. People like me stick out like sore thumbs. We write on whiteboards with a certain flourish. I even wrote on the glass walls of the cabin. (yes, I have a cabin here. I have finally arrived. Bah!). Seeing my whiteboard itself the guys break into some kind of ‘I am not you’ exotic dance. Now they see the glass walls with stuff written all over them and wonder which planet we creative guys come from.
It’s my standard grouse with them. Just because you can’t think with your right brain doesn’t mean I can think with my left. I use both sides and you have decided to use only one. I understand your accounts, your maths and all your stupid equations. You just decided that to be creative one has to think creative. To me it’s just a question of losing a bit of inhibition and asking ‘so what’. I ask it and you accept it. That’s the only difference. Once when we were presenting something in the conference room, the super boss wanted to ask us ‘right brainers’ for an opinion. That irked me and I sharply told him, what right brain? I am not right brain. You believe I am, but I use both. In hindsight it might have been a CLM (career limiting move) but I can’t stand this – ‘you are creative, a different being’ typecast.
Some think more creatively than others but that does not make one less creative. I agree with Rushdie. One has to sit in one corner, follow a process, concentrate and perform. It’s not like a magician who plucks stuff from a hat. But possible to someone else sitting on the outside, it is that. That’s how I would possibly think of painters, architects, designers etc. In the same way that the bankers think of me.
Hmm. I think I am getting a bit confused here. Are creatives inherently different from those who are not. Can any one learn to be one by sheer ‘hardwork’. What is this beast? I don’t know, but all that I know is that ideas come to me like a torrent. It can’t be that difficult. But those outside of the circle don’t believe so. Possibly right brain and left is different. But one thing is sure ... Rushdie is right. It is a lot of ‘work’ and concentration.
He also says “that when you write you in a way write out of what you think of as your best self, the part of you that is lacking in foibles and weaknesses and egotism and vanities and so on. You’re just trying to really say something as truthful as you can out of the best that you have in you. And so somehow the physical act of doing it is the only way you have of having access to that self. I mean when you’re not physically writing you don’t have the key to that door and but when you get into—and certainly speaking for me—when I get into a state of properly concentrated attention then I do think that that is... I think of that as my best self, the self that does that.”
I don’t write anywhere near as much but when I am blogging and I start writing I don’t know where I am going to end. When I sit down and start writing and I concentrate words flow and I type. I cant think the way I think while writing if I am not writing. Somehow the physical act of writing is required. One of things why I love blogging is that it has in many ways helped me clear my own mind. There were things inside of me that I did not know till I wrote them. writing them helped me get the argument clear, reinforced what I believed in and gave me a ‘pause’ to think. One does not otherwise structure an argument in ones head. It’s the same thing as talking to someone. Most of my thoughts have only been ‘discovered’ by myself while talking o other people. Especially erious conversations. Many times while giving advice or playing agony aunt.
Talking to people, writing a blog. They have helped me trwemendously. While I started this blog and largely continue it as a legacy for my daughter, the fact is that I get great joy in writing and that it hashelped me be a better boss, captain, worker, parent and a better person overall. I also think it has helped me reinforce my ethics.

For such humble beginnings the blog has achieved quite a bit. Thank you for those reading it. When my google analytics shows visitors from across the world, somewhere it’s heartening. Someone is sharing my story now while I try and pour some of me into this. It is a different kind of feeling. Sigh…



Question: You’ve said that the act of writing transforms you into the best version of yourself; is it inspiration?Salman Rushdie: It’s not inspiration. It’s concentration more and it is to do with developing skills of concentration and I think that is something which, well a few things I think about being a writer that you get better at with time. There are things that you perhaps don’t get better at. Energy is something which maybe declines, but I think concentration, focus, the ability to shut out the extraneous and focus on what you’re doing. I think the more you do it the better you get at it. I think that is true and I think it’s also true that… and I think I've heard other writers say it too, that when you write you in a way write out of what you think of as your best self, the part of you that is lacking in foibles and weaknesses and egotism and vanities and so on. You’re just trying to really say something as truthful as you can out of the best that you have in you. And so somehow the physical act of doing it is the only way you have of having access to that self. I mean when you’re not physically writing you don’t have the key to that door and but when you get into—and certainly speaking for me—when I get into a state of properly concentrated attention then I do think that that is... I think of that as my best self, the self that does that. And I wish I had access to it the rest of time, but at least I can find my way to it through that. It’s not inspiration. I think inspiration is nonsense, actually. Every so often I mean like one day in 20 or something, you will have a day when the work seems to just flow out of you and you feel lucky. I mean you feel and often surprised and you don’t quite know why it is working like that. And on days like that it’s easy to believe in a kind of inspiration, but most of the time it’s not like that. Most of the time it’s... I mean I wish there were more of those days, but most of the time it’s a lot slower and more exploratory and it’s more a process of discovering what you have to do than just simply have it arrive like a flame over your head. So I do think it’s to do with concentration, not inspiration. It’s to do with paying attention and I think the business of writing a great deal of it is the business of paying attention to your characters, to the world they live in, to the story you have to tell, but just a kind of deep attention and out of that if you pay attention properly the story will tell you what it needs.

did I know that?

The bandh and a general state of mind that has helped me clear some of my immediate complexities has helped me overcome some of my writers block. It would be appropriate now to write a few more posts and keep my general average up there. The number is simple. One for every day at work. This is in many ways a daily purpose for me. For some reason it gives me meaning.
I also believe that writing a blog has helped me understand my own thoughts. It’s like talking to someone while explaining some stuff. Many times you also don’t kow its there till you blurt it out. And then you feel like a super smart guy. It is the same as having to remember your reading while you are having a conversation. Sometimes I am completely surprised by what I can recollect from what all I have read. There are so many books and if someone would ask me specific questions out of context on a particular book, I am always afraid that I might come up short. That I might not know a dam thing and all my reading is pretty superfluous and a put on.
Just yesterday I was making my profile. That too after a period of at least 8 years. I found it difficult and possibly it was lethargy that made me not make it. One push from a placement consultant tipped over the simmering discontent and I resolved to make one over the weekend. I decided that it won’t be as simple as the others I have seen but would allow for writing some interesting lines. One of things that I wrote was that if you want to know a bit of me you could access my goodreads account at http://goodreads.com/jaimit . As I checked it to see if the link was working, the first book that stared me in the face was ‘Simplexity’. While promising, it did not really go anywhere or did not have anything great to tell me. My mind was blank as I stared at the book. If the interviewer would go online and check the link and ask me from that book. I would probably draw a blank. With that book in hand I would possibly recollect a lot, but off hand it was that – a simple book that went nowhere. At least for me. The second and third books there also did not do me any good. Then some other books appeared down the scroll to give me a few breathing moments.
My philosophy has been simple while reading books. I cant recollect a lot of what I read but every book gives you one or two simple learnings that you could use somewhere. And that if you need something, you should be able to find it upon searching. That should be enough. It is always exciting for me when someone comes home and wants me to recommend books. I start off slowly but soon enough the connections come through and the recommendations start flowing. I suddenly realize what it is to be well read. I then take heart that my years of reading is not that much of a waste.
Years of? Well just about 6 years of reading. But that to me seems like a life time. all those books that gave me infinite amount of learning and I dare say wisdom. Today I know that my thinking has been strongly influenced by my reading. My ideas, my thought process, my views, my ability to balance my thoughts. It has taken my core, shook it a bit and settled it all nicely and neatly. The ‘mental jigsaw’ as someone once called it, is constantly changing and evolving. Sometimes it takes one sentence to shake it and re fit and sometimes you don’t even know that it has taken shape. You only realize it in hind sight when you think about your actions and thought process.
There is a great deal of significance I put on to thought process. I wonder if that is a good thing or it’s simply a case of too much thinking. I like to think about the basics. Some simple rules of thumb, some principles that aid thought process. But I like it and think its pretty cool. I cant understand those who cant. Till sometime back I thought they were just plain dumb or that their thought process was too undefined for it. But now I belive that its not so. There are som any who possibly don’t over think. They keep their mind free and uncluttered. They have simple principles that they too evaluate and change of a period of time. they just cant articulate it enough or are unable to talk at length about it.
We put too much emphasis on being able to talk and express and hence we have great orators as leaders. But if only put enough emphasis on understanding the person… what their real thoughts are… see if they fit the situation, see if they can be channelized, magic can happen. It’s easier said than done. It requires a lot more mere intent. The pressure is on us to know and dig forever and not take what the natural orators give us. Yesterday at class I gave my favorite assignment to the kids. Plot a simple graph for any industry explaining the relationship between profitability and marketshare. It helps the kids understand a lot. I can then explain profitability, marketshare and the industry dynamics. Most would plot a linear and direct relationship between the two. That is intuitive. The answer is a V shape curve which shows that the top three tend to compete with decent profitability with the next few in the ditch with far lower profits. The rear is brought up by niche players who cater to a smaller but well targeted group with lower expenses and possibly premium pricing. All driving up profitability. As usual we split the class into groups and we got a number of answers. The kids had to go onto the board and draw the same. There were ten groups with different number of kids in each. I drew ten graphs. For some reason only nine went on stage. I thought I had made a counting error. When I then analyses the graphs I remembered the missing one. Two girls, very nondescript, had drawn one on their notebook, which I had seen while I was on my rounds while the groups were discussing. They had drawn the V. but they refused to come on stage and draw it with the other groups. I had missed calling out to them and they refused to stand up when I asked if anyone was left. As is my style I destroyed all graphs including the correct one. Then I proceed to explain the theory from scratch and voila… we had a V on the board. I congratulated the two girls and bowed down to them. No one I had taught till now had got it in the first try. When on my rounds I had quizzed them on it, their theory was not well defined but the thought process was clear and in place. Not wanting to show emotions I merely walked away. Possibly they thought they were wrong and I had just been disappointed. But I was simply very very happy and impressed.
But it required me to be on my rounds. If I had given them the assignment and gone to make a phone call and come back to see the presentations, I would possibly never seen them and their graph. I would have missed them. I would have thought that the usual suspects who ask questions in class are the ones who know it all. They are the bright sparks, but hidden there amongst them might be gems of thought. Just because a few know how to argue, how to articulate, how to make a case, how make a show of it; they are not necessarily the ones. Very difficult. They choose to be quiet but it is up to us to make them talk. We would have to give them voice. For long corporate have given enough focus to the natural leaders but have simply ignored the thinkers who might not necessarily speak up. Either we go person to person and peep into their note books or we continue to give them a chance and an environment to speak up, we will be the poorer. It was a big lesson for me and I did not know if it till I began writing this blog. Funny nah. That is the power or writing. If you have no one to talk to them at least write. You would otherwise never have known what you knew all along.