quit

I had a skype meeting at 8.45 am today. So I was telling Jispa to hurry up as I drop her to school. I told her I have a meeting and I was getting the car to zip. She looked at me and asked me what I was doing in jeans and a t shirt if I had a meeting. I told her that I have meetings every day and I don’t need to wear formals for all meetings. She understood and she was asking me why I bother wearing formals at all. Jeans are so comfortable. ‘shouldn’t you wear what you are wearing everyday rather than being who you are not’. Yup I agree with her completely. I can’t understand formal clothes. I find them so bloody irritating. People should wear what they want to wear. I had no real explanation on why we have formal clothes culture in office. Why should we force people to wear formals? People should wear what they wear regularly and what they work the best in. Formals are definitely not it.

I quit. I quit wearing formals. I can’t handle any more formals… please.

Fine… I am getting carried away. But I really want to quit wearing formals for good. I am inspired by the this quitting thing. I was listening to a podcast of a Freakonomics episode where they explain the upside of quitting. It’s quite interesting. They say that people normally gravitate towards an average happiness of 7 on 10. No matter how bad shit has hit you or how much you might have been luckily happy. Over a period of time – you hit a 7. So if you want to quit – great – do it. It doesn’t matter. You will hit a 7 in no time. It also talks about why you must quit something fast. If it’s not working for you then you must quit fatafat. It saves you so much time and effort.

I look at Jispa – now this is going to be severe – I hope Jispa you understand what I mean here. Jispa has been swimming for many years now. It has defined her and her identity. She defines herself as a swimmer. She has hit state level but has yet to break it into the nationals. She trains hard and long but – when I see her and I see the others – it’s there to see. I think that for now – this is her level. It would take an extraordinarily large amount of effort for her to break further in swimming. I would want her to quit and take up something else. Something other sport, some reading, some cycling or whatever else that catches her fancy. India does not have swimmers and a swimming culture nor the infrastructure. To break through I would have to send her abroad and across the world to learn more. Then she needs to forget studying or anything else. Too much to go nowhere… and most importantly she is giving up her childhood for this.

Kids can grow up and blame their parents that we did not push them enough. This is a double edged sword. Do I push them enough so that they don’t really love their childhood or should I push them so hard so that they achieve what they are meant to achieve. What to do is a mystery. But one thing we must teach them – which is the most difficult thing to do – is to quit. Quit when is not going for you. Quit when you don’t like it. Quit when you think its enough. Quit when you think that inspite of everything you may not make it. Quitting is a thing we don’t really like,. We have been taught to go for it, to push, to never see reality. The top industry titans carried along and refused to quit when everything was against them. They kept going. Tales of champions are filled with messages of don’t quit. When the going gets tough the tough get going. Whoever heard of when the going gets tough – take a reality check.

I wish Jispa quit swimming. I wish she spent that time reading, watching movies, roaming endlessly. I wish she picked up another sport, played some tennis with me or badminton. I wish she quit and started something else. She has achieved far more than what I dreamed of. She represents Mumbai for heavens sake! What more. She wants to hit the nationals once. Once – she says. Oh god. I hope it happens fast – for her. Then I hope she takes on something else, till she finds something she really enjoys – like swimming perhaps :)

cold, bare and ...

Another weekend just comes and goes. Sometimes life moves on so fast, one is unaware of what hits where. Jasmine and me just look at each other as one weekend after the other passes us by. But I look at it with rose tinted glasses. One more weekend gone means one more week of pay in the bank. Wow.
I have always had this notion that I was overpaid. Sure I bring in tons of value to the firm and I ensure that enough value is always there on the table, but to be grounded and live life on a floor and not in the air, I keep this as a mental attitude. One month at a time. One week at a time and one day at a time.
I have never really had an issue with my salary. I have always taken salaries as a byproduct of the work that I have put in. of course I have changed job thanks to a better salary but more importantly the factor for me was always the role. A chance to do better, a chance to prove what I am capable of and a chance to learn more. Over the years salary has surely kept pace. Could I have earned more? Ya sure. But the answer remains the same to the question, could I have earned less? I also have never failed to admit this in public. The game is pretty simple. You are not going to pay me basis what I feel. You are going to pay me at only the minimum level that you think that if I don’t get, I would be tempted to move on. Market forces decide my pay, not my sentiment.
Hence I find it very funny when people crib about their salary. If you so smart then why aren’t you moving to something that pays you more. Something that pays you better. Don’t crib; just get on with the grind and work. Go for good work. Work that possibly gives you greater learning.
I have in life consistently though not consciously taken such calls. When I came back from Gujarat, working in Balasara, I joined Thakral at a lower pay. Then I rejected a few offers to join C tech at an even lower pay but to work on web technology. This helped me immensely. Then I refused offers somewhere else to work with something I liked. Then I took another pay cut to work at Momentum consulting. Then I moved to the broking division within the firm at same costs. All these calls have been from a growth and work perspective. I might be one of hard bargainers for cash and I constantly tell my friends to pitch higher. But the real reason to switch can’t be cash. It must be work and role. Cash follows work and role. All privileges follow work and role.
So when someone asks me for a recommendation on how much salary to ask for. Ask for the moon. The guy on the other side is only going to pay you what bets he can. No harm in asking for anything you want. That makes me sound cold and heartless. But I dint say join the place due the salary. Join for other things in life. Like my colleague once put it very nicely – we work for money but we turn up to work every day for something else.
Money can’t push me to do things that I do. I am not a rabbit that a carrot must be dangled in front of. We somehow have lost the art of respecting individuals. In sales to we think that carrot or stick would only work. Consistently people believe that their subordinates work only for money. But when asked about themselves they have loftier reasons to work. I hate bonus season. Managers tend to give bonus as a big reward and then expect employees to be grateful. He is not going to be grateful. Why should he be? It is a cold transaction. It’s not that the firm is giving out of goodwill. It only gives to those it deems suitable thanks to the effort and time put in by the employee. Employee sees it as money earned for effort spent.
I always turn these things around. Here is the money you made, but forget it. Let’s talk about the work you want to do. That’s important. Let’s get ground rules, work and culture right. Rest – jump around. If you like it, thank the MD - if you don’t like it, walk around. I am ok.
I like the example of zappos.com. The famous online show retailer. It famously offers a reward for all trainees if they want to quit at the end of a definite period. I thought that was cool. If you don’t like the culture – walk out fast. In fact all efforts must be made to ease the release of a player who wants out. Recently I closed a card with American Express. I thought it was the best experience possible. They were polite courteous and persuasive, but only to the right level. No extra pushing, no begging. They even refused to reverse a fee but were ok to close the account. They threw in a sweetener in terms of points but – no – sorry there is no reversal of fees. That’s a spine. I respect having a spine. I too refused on principal grounds – I don’t pay for cards – charge cards or credit cards. My usage and spending potential itself should warrant a free card. So we agreed to disagree and the parting was sweet. I hope someday I will use an American Express card again. And this time I plan to use it regularly. I have great faith in the service.
Coming back to zappos. Exiting must be easy and pain free. One of my old broking franchisees once told me that he always tells his customers – that many people give you service to open an account, but he will give you the same service and commitment when you want to close an account. Closing an account is not personal and when you close a relationship, the true value of the company comes to fore. But it also seems that the zappos offer is also an interesting psychological ploy. In one freakonomics podcast (highly recommended) that talks about quitting, they talk about the zappos example. Dan Ariely, a social scientist says that since the offer is a limited period offer, post the offer lapsing, cognitive dissonance kicks in and people justify their reason to stay on. They have just paid a premium (in effect by refusing the cash deal) and hence will look for justification in terms of culture etc. ok – now I not sure if that was the necessary objective when zappos started the offer, but I think it works well. By publically stating within my team that I would be more than happy to let people leave and will not hold them back, especially when it comes to salary, I end up having conversations that really matter. Work, growth, learnings, enrichment etc. What’s the point of having conversations that you can’t really do much about? And that will always remain cold and heartless. We have that as a cold and heartless conversation, wherein I am not expecting gratitude and the employee isn’t expecting benevolence.