to err is parent

Life is all about ups and downs. There is no linearity in life. Some days you feel good and some days you feel down. Experience is nothing but knowing this and enjoying when you are up and not worrying too much when you are down. WE try and smoothen the curve by being less exuberant when we are on top. We try and save some money for the rainy day. We try and keep a little joy aside and try and share it with others who might be facing a down side. That is life.

When I was younger, much younger, I was told to save money for a rainy day. Rather I was told and fed into the brain that I must save. I will never forget that one day on my honeymoon, when Jasmine and I were walking from our hotel in Gwaldam to a Buddhist monastery nearby. We were walking and discussing our finances. My salary was not more than 10 thousand a month and we were planning what our expenses would be. It was 6 thousand to mm for running expenses and around 2 thousand a month for our expenses such as restaurants, roaming around etc and we had planned to save another 2 thousand for a rainy day – savings amounting to 24 thousand a year. I really thought that was a good number at the time.

What I did not realize that my salary and life would turn and turn again and I would find that number abysmally small. The salary itself would go up so much that you don’t really need to save money at the start of your career. So looking back, possibly I should have taken that money and blown it up on fun things and more vacations and a lot of other things that young couples would spend on. Possibly a few more dinners. At the start of one’s career, it is almost futile to save money. I see no point in it the amount being saved.

But the question is not on the amount but on the habit and principle of it. One must save as a matter of good governance. Otherwise one gets used to spending and then that is the end of it all. I think that 2 thousand a month was important as a beacon and not as amount in itself. It set the tone for us as a family that looked to save money from the money it made every month. It set eth tone for Jasmine and me that we will not go beyond our means and save whatever small amount we possibly could.

For any youngster that is starting off – a simple advice – enjoy life after setting aside a small amount – pre defined – in the equity market, either as direct investment in stocks or as a mutual fund investment.  That’s it – rest must be used to live life to the fullest. When any young kid asks me for investment advice, I first tell them to blow money on their passions. Travel, read, meet people, do a lot of fun things and try and achieve your objectives in life. You can only do that when you are younger. When age burdens you with responsibilities, so many things go off the window. I would think a 100 times today before jumping off a cliff in a hang glider today. I would have gladly done it as a 25 year old.

Youth must be enjoyed to the best of its ability. Money will follow. As you grow older, the simple principle is to not let your life expand at the same pace as your salary. This way you enjoy but you save an incremental percentage of your growth. That is the best way to look at life and money, and still live your life.

These days I am in a different zone as a parent. Many years ago the book I read on parenting told me the one rule that I won’t forget ‘permit where you can, protect where you must’. As Jispa is 15, I more than ever keep it in my head. I am trying my best to let go and stop being too protective about her. I keep having conversations with Jasmine on this. Jasmine and I often talk on how much we must allow her. Suppose there is a sleep over at a friend’s place from school – is this allowed? I understand where Jasmine is coming from. We don’t know the person properly and their family and hence must we send. Will this become a precedent? Will this be used again and again? I don’t know. Honestly, I tell her that ‘I don’t disagree with you’. Yes Jasmine is right but also Jispa is 15 now and she must learn to be away and make decisions for herself. She has to now take charge of her life. I keep telling that at 15 my parents had no clue what I was doing in life. I was on my own. What jasmine also reminded me was that I was always regretted that my parents did not push me right. All they did was give me lectures on studying but did not really create or manage my schedule that made me study. So in that respect Jasmine is right. We must push Jispa now. This is not the time to let go of the accelerator. After 15 years of hard work, this is not the time to give up.

But at the same time she needs an advocate on her side as well. So I guess that is my job. I at heart agree with jasmine but I fight myself and try and fight for freedom from Jispa’s side as well. That is important in the family. Now at this age we need to push the bar on what we allow. We have to let her free but slowly cut the umbilical cord. This is delicate procedure where you don’t know which side to err on. Safety first or freedom first. Sigh. Parenting is a tough job. Best of luck to you all.

cold, bare and ...

Another weekend just comes and goes. Sometimes life moves on so fast, one is unaware of what hits where. Jasmine and me just look at each other as one weekend after the other passes us by. But I look at it with rose tinted glasses. One more weekend gone means one more week of pay in the bank. Wow.
I have always had this notion that I was overpaid. Sure I bring in tons of value to the firm and I ensure that enough value is always there on the table, but to be grounded and live life on a floor and not in the air, I keep this as a mental attitude. One month at a time. One week at a time and one day at a time.
I have never really had an issue with my salary. I have always taken salaries as a byproduct of the work that I have put in. of course I have changed job thanks to a better salary but more importantly the factor for me was always the role. A chance to do better, a chance to prove what I am capable of and a chance to learn more. Over the years salary has surely kept pace. Could I have earned more? Ya sure. But the answer remains the same to the question, could I have earned less? I also have never failed to admit this in public. The game is pretty simple. You are not going to pay me basis what I feel. You are going to pay me at only the minimum level that you think that if I don’t get, I would be tempted to move on. Market forces decide my pay, not my sentiment.
Hence I find it very funny when people crib about their salary. If you so smart then why aren’t you moving to something that pays you more. Something that pays you better. Don’t crib; just get on with the grind and work. Go for good work. Work that possibly gives you greater learning.
I have in life consistently though not consciously taken such calls. When I came back from Gujarat, working in Balasara, I joined Thakral at a lower pay. Then I rejected a few offers to join C tech at an even lower pay but to work on web technology. This helped me immensely. Then I refused offers somewhere else to work with something I liked. Then I took another pay cut to work at Momentum consulting. Then I moved to the broking division within the firm at same costs. All these calls have been from a growth and work perspective. I might be one of hard bargainers for cash and I constantly tell my friends to pitch higher. But the real reason to switch can’t be cash. It must be work and role. Cash follows work and role. All privileges follow work and role.
So when someone asks me for a recommendation on how much salary to ask for. Ask for the moon. The guy on the other side is only going to pay you what bets he can. No harm in asking for anything you want. That makes me sound cold and heartless. But I dint say join the place due the salary. Join for other things in life. Like my colleague once put it very nicely – we work for money but we turn up to work every day for something else.
Money can’t push me to do things that I do. I am not a rabbit that a carrot must be dangled in front of. We somehow have lost the art of respecting individuals. In sales to we think that carrot or stick would only work. Consistently people believe that their subordinates work only for money. But when asked about themselves they have loftier reasons to work. I hate bonus season. Managers tend to give bonus as a big reward and then expect employees to be grateful. He is not going to be grateful. Why should he be? It is a cold transaction. It’s not that the firm is giving out of goodwill. It only gives to those it deems suitable thanks to the effort and time put in by the employee. Employee sees it as money earned for effort spent.
I always turn these things around. Here is the money you made, but forget it. Let’s talk about the work you want to do. That’s important. Let’s get ground rules, work and culture right. Rest – jump around. If you like it, thank the MD - if you don’t like it, walk around. I am ok.
I like the example of zappos.com. The famous online show retailer. It famously offers a reward for all trainees if they want to quit at the end of a definite period. I thought that was cool. If you don’t like the culture – walk out fast. In fact all efforts must be made to ease the release of a player who wants out. Recently I closed a card with American Express. I thought it was the best experience possible. They were polite courteous and persuasive, but only to the right level. No extra pushing, no begging. They even refused to reverse a fee but were ok to close the account. They threw in a sweetener in terms of points but – no – sorry there is no reversal of fees. That’s a spine. I respect having a spine. I too refused on principal grounds – I don’t pay for cards – charge cards or credit cards. My usage and spending potential itself should warrant a free card. So we agreed to disagree and the parting was sweet. I hope someday I will use an American Express card again. And this time I plan to use it regularly. I have great faith in the service.
Coming back to zappos. Exiting must be easy and pain free. One of my old broking franchisees once told me that he always tells his customers – that many people give you service to open an account, but he will give you the same service and commitment when you want to close an account. Closing an account is not personal and when you close a relationship, the true value of the company comes to fore. But it also seems that the zappos offer is also an interesting psychological ploy. In one freakonomics podcast (highly recommended) that talks about quitting, they talk about the zappos example. Dan Ariely, a social scientist says that since the offer is a limited period offer, post the offer lapsing, cognitive dissonance kicks in and people justify their reason to stay on. They have just paid a premium (in effect by refusing the cash deal) and hence will look for justification in terms of culture etc. ok – now I not sure if that was the necessary objective when zappos started the offer, but I think it works well. By publically stating within my team that I would be more than happy to let people leave and will not hold them back, especially when it comes to salary, I end up having conversations that really matter. Work, growth, learnings, enrichment etc. What’s the point of having conversations that you can’t really do much about? And that will always remain cold and heartless. We have that as a cold and heartless conversation, wherein I am not expecting gratitude and the employee isn’t expecting benevolence.

get off... you are spoilng my aura

Its march again and the whole bloody stress thing will now play out. Increments, bonus growth etc. People will ask of the company what the company will do for it and the company will ask of the people what they have done for it.
The whole thing is quite a sham and has little logic or proper thought process. The top management will get in a huddle with the science that only they understand. And then you as will be given the letters and will have to show your face to the employee. Till the letters come in you are not even consulted or even in the know as regards anything. It is the state secret that is being discussed. Invariably it hurts more people than it will please. But then that is a function of human nature. Quickly the joy of getting money will disappear into the jealousy experienced when you realise who gets what. And you know what the truth is… I don’t think that the management cares a dam what you really think. And neither does the employee care what the management really think. In the end both end up cursing each other. One feels that the other is not grateful. I can’t understand what the gratitude feeling is all about. You gave your services, they paid what they think is adequate for you. No one did anyone a favour. Where on earth does gratitude come from? I am quite clear about all this. Experience has taught be a lot. I approach this with a sense of equanimity.
That’s what I tell all my kids as well. When the going was good, I told them not to thank me for all the sexy bonuses they were receiving and hence when the going went kaput, I kept the same stand. I don’t give you money or decide your hikes, its them, please face them and talk to them. I have learnt to influence silently from sidelines, and be quite about it. When someone is joining in, I try and fight for salary and quietly make an impact. At the time also I deflect the entire thing to ‘them’. I find it of no use to get any gratitude for salary.
Such is also the case for day to day functioning. If they crib about cash, I only say that I influence office environment, I give you freedom to work, I ensure my team has zero infighting and politics, rest for salary, this is what the company is paying. If you get something better somewhere else. Go. Please put my name on your CV as reference. Sure I address all issues with management but I have no real authority on the same.
This way I work focussed on the job. This way I don’t let issues of money affect my day to day life. I have seen people hanker around for money, play games, time resignations, manage the equations and waste tons of time cribbing away vitiating the atmosphere. I hate money talks and I can’t tolerate too much of cribbing and hypothising about what will happen. It’s a complete waste of time. Do your job and walk. Isn’t someone waiting for you outside office? Leave your worries home. Once you get the letter and the amount over which you have no control over then, you plan your action. Before that thinking about it is such a waste of time.
From around now to the date the letters are given I will have to duck such people and duck such conversations and duck the negativity permeating the floor. It is a big job but to preserve ones sanity, I see no option. Also the best way to turn these guys off is to agree and give some big lecture on why the management is trying their best and why they are right and why one should work for reasons other than money. Slowly they want to talk to you anymore as ‘the other side’ is the last thing they want to hear. Hehehe.