it works

Jispa is currently down with tonsillitis. I used to be a victim of this with alarming regularity when I was little. I think it took be to graduate from college to sufficiently build enough defences to now be at reasonable ease with the tonsils. I remember the big problem with tonsils was the fever. If they got infected, besides obstructing my swallowing, my fever would shoot up. Straight 104 degrees Fahrenheit. Mom got some time to get used to this and then finally understood that this but natural with the infection. A dose of antibiotics along with paracetamol (typically crocin) would be great. I must swallowed kilotons of them by the time I grew up.
So yesterday when Jispa’s fever hit 102 levels I knew it was par for the course. The problem surfaced for us when the fever did not rapidly subside when we gave her a Crocin yesterday. Action mode kicked off. Frantic calls to the doctor were made. The doctor recommended a sponge bath. Jispa was completely irritable and hated it and she got very angry with us. She still had energy to get angry, which was a good thing. I firmly told her that we are doing what is right irrespective of what she says. After some time the fever went up to 103. This was panic mode. The doctor asked to give a dispirin and to give Gelusil along with to counter the possible acidity. This was around 12 and I ran out to get a 24 hour medical shop and get the medicine. We kept cold water strips on her head to ensure that the fever stays away from the brain.
Jispa knew this was trouble. If the fever would not subside from now she would necessarily be put in hospital.
Luckily the Dispirin took its effect. In around 35/ 40 minutes, she began to feel really warm and better.
But in the meanwhile I noticed something that has had me thinking for sometime. After we had given her the Dispirin I noticed that she had kept both her fingers crossed. While continuing the cold water strips on her forehead, I asked her, why? She was not keen / too weak to answer. I opened them, thinking it was a unintentional action. Then I asked her, if she did it for good luck. She mumbled a yes and I let the matter rest. Jasmine came in and then pointed the crossed fingers to me. according to her, it must be the germs game they have been playing. This is a funny game that they play in school. You touch and other person and say germs, the other person is deemed to have gotten the germs. If he does not touch another person on the count of ten then he has ‘melted’ due to the germs. How do you take care and stop the germs from hitting you – your fingers must be crossed. Hmmm. Must be that.
Today morning I asked her why she had done it. She said she had done it so that she did not have to go to hospital. She had crossed her fingers and said that she wished that she did not have to go to college. I asked her if she learned that somewhere. Nopes. Did it mean good luck? No. Was it from the game? I don’t know. But you could have asked God for it I remarked, why cross your fingers. Then I realised that I have taught her not to ask God for anything. In fact I have put in her mind the question of the existence of God.
I asked her if it really happens. She said she doesn’t know but it worked nah? It worked for me this time. Yes dear. It surely did. I told her that doesn’t worry. If you have to go to the hospital then possibly it might be a good thing. You might learn something, you might experience something. Have faith.
I kept thinking. We have tried not to teach her any superstition. We have tried to teach her to question God. We have tried to teach her that things remain within yourself. Trust yourself and your belief. Thank god, if you believe, for what you have but no point really asking for anything. If you see, she did not ask God for anything. She just crossed her hands and wished that she did not have to go to the hospital. Whom did she wish to? Herself.
It’s interesting. If a child is an unbiased respondent then this is an interesting case. Are we wired to believe in God. We look for strength in times of trouble. We believe that by wishing we can somehow control things around us. Wishing in some sorts seems to be a primitive form of prayer to me. If I had taught my daughter the Strength and the Glory of god, would she have wished to God instead? But since we have taught her otherwise, she wished to herself instead. She though that she could alter natural course of action by the strength of a wish or a ritual. Hence the belief in God that has evolved over years to be highly ritualistic... I don’t know. These are questions that I must be needlessly over analysing. But I think there is some merit here.
I have had my tryst with superstitions. I have had my run in with my share of bribery with the supreme lord. I have had my fall out with rituals. I have fought and so far won over these in my head and heart. But to see my eight year old do this fills me with question.
Am I denying her, the right to God? Isn’t she supposed to believe in the Supreme Being? Shouldn’t she take comfort in religion the way countless millions do, I haven’t taught her to pray but I have also taught her to respect God. I have merely asked her to question the world interpretation of God and the rituals around it.
Actually I think I must be happy. In adversity she turned to herself. She did not ask me, she did not tell me to some how stop it from happening. She asked herself. Sure, she used a ritual. She used something that gave her hope. I am glad it was something inside of her.
Suddenly as I think, we saw the movie Badmaash company, recently. In that the protagonist uses the crossed fingers when he needs extra help. Possibly that might have prompted the thought. Kids learn by all around us. They take their cues from anywhere. From places you never thought possible. Possibly it’s this or possible its other factors, or a combination of many. No one knows.
But I am surely thinking about this and this might remain in my mind of sometime to some. At the end you possibly require something, some Ritual to help you channelise your strengths. Possibly that’s what they help in. that’s why they were invented.
Possibly now I have become older and hence I can channelise my mind without a ritual hence I actively disband it’s use as a superstition. But there are still so many rituals that help us. Eating together, hugging before we leave for school. The morning waking up. (how could I not remember that). whatever.
I guess after today I might be a little more ambivalent. I was a little left of neutral. I moved a little to the right to be a little less left of neutral on the topic.
One thing is for sure, Jispa reminded me of the basic truth of life. “It worked this time nah?”. Yes Jispa. It did. It surely did.

one big leap of faith

Yes. I managed one big moral victory. Ever since we bought our first car over six years ago we have been playing ganapati bhajans the first thing we get into the car. Even if I get in at night or in the morning. The first time you get into a car for the day you have to play bhajans – old jungle saying. Now jasmine and I are not that ritualistic so there is no real reason for us to play it. One day many years ago I did not play it and my car’s bumper got damaged. Ever since I have not had the guts to not play it. And we like to play the specific ganapati bhajn from the specific album. We have now expanded it to play one more album – the scared chants of shiva. But then that’s Ganapati’s dad, so that’s ok.
I have wanted to get rid of this superstition from my brain for sometime now. I haven’t had the guts. Just listen to the mind play here. I used to get worried that in case I don’t play and by chance if something happens that day which may be unrelated then the dam superstition will stick in my brain forever. Hence I never did try that stunt. But this Sunday I thought about it and took a chance in life. It required me to think of the worst case happening that day and take that chance. Four days hence… I live…

in the name of God

This is something I keep seeing on and off in the Mumbai trains. People have books where in they keep writing the name of God I presume. Wonder why. Some beliefs are probably a bit weird or then again probably not. There was a time when I used to use the train for catching up on sleep. But since the last 4 odd years in the trains I like to bury my nose straight away in a book. When we do shift office in the middle next week to kalina I would miss the train travel and hence my good solid 40 minutes of reading. This would be my big loss. Now reading might be restricted to home pre sleep time. I would have to make more time for it in some other way I guess. If I reach early enough in office then that could be some time. Let’s see. But any which way I had hoped to be a train boy my entire career. I guess that’s going to stand too long. Driving to office isn’t an exciting prospect. Especially when there is no option but to listen to the stupid FM channels playing the same dam music across all stations.
Amongst the few superstitions I have is playing some Ganapati Bhajans the first thing when I start my car. Think as I might I just can’t get to kick the habit. Many years ago once when I dint play it some one took half my bumper off with his car. But I also reason that in the mornings they are definitely much more smoother on the ears than the FM music. So there, I have just rationalized an irrational habit.