you have to live it to know it

Budha kaka fudina compound or fudina ark. The magic medicine that is essentially the essence of mint. A green coloured liquid with the heady taste of mint mixed with alcohol; it makes for a multipurpose medicine. It was introduced to us by my maternal granny. A few drops mixed with water were the simple solution for almost anything from cuts to stomach disorder.
I was a pretty weak kid with a fragile constitution. I would get the loosies or would vomit quite frequently. This was especially the case when we shifted to Mumbai from Dubai while I was in the fourth standard. It was always a part of the standard medical kit that my family carried on our vacations. I must in total, over my life guzzled litres of the medicine. A retching followed by the cool effect of the medicine. So far it has proved an able ally for our family over the years. Don’t bother searching for it on Google. This really invisible medicine guy is nowhere to be found on the internet. I find that really funny, for a medicine that had saved me from many a hardship.
There are two types of people, one that vomit without too much fuss, and the other that gets a violent shake while attempt to throw out what the body finds unwanted. Sadly I belong to the latter. My vomits have been a complete body shaking affair. My stomach cramps up and recoils in the act. I am thrown back and in case of a particularly bad case, I even fall down by the recoil. This happens in a bad attack of malaria, or a stomach disorder or even on a winding hill road. It’s crazy and one has to live it to understand it. I have had the misfortune of being on the wrong side on frequency and intensity. Quite a bad one.
As a child most of the time while I puked, my parents would constantly pat me on the back trying to ease the process. My legs would bang up and down and my body would move violently and my stomach would hurt as hell. They tried their best to comfort me. Come adulthood and I had to deal with this myself. This violent struggle would be my test of growing up. Would I be able to do it alone? Whenever Jasmine would be around, she would try to hang around, but blessed as she was with a decent constitution and a simple retch, I don’t think she ever understood what I went through. She’d be lost and wonder what was happening to me. The standard pat on the back would follow.
The other day I was in Delhi for an event and in the evening, at the airport, making my way back I had a bad case of food poisoning. Luckily the toilets have improved in the new terminals across India and while the feeling may not be great, at least you have clean toilets and tissue and water and soap. Luckily I had a colleague travelling with me as well, as nothing stayed in my tummy. Not even the water I had before takeoff. Vomiting in an air sickness bag, while being strapped to your seat, during takeoff was up there with my top ten worst situations to be in. The poor collegue next to me could help much except, yup, you guessed it right, pat on the back; while I shoved my head into the bag. I can vouch for the quality of the bags now for sure. Not a single leak. I got off at Mumbai to run to the loo and was sitting on the floor after the act.
Jispa has been pretty ok with her constitution as well. She hasn’t had the chance to retch too much. She doesn’t seem to get motion sickness and she by and large seems to have her mother’s health as of now. Yesterday night she woke us up at 3.45 am, urgently saying that she wanted to vomit. As she went to the loo, I woke up as well. I heard her and it did not sound too good. She was sounding similar to me. A bad cramp and a violent noise. I knew instantly what to do. So while she was sitting, I first got her water (that is the first essential), then I sat behind her and held her tight. One hand over her right shoulder and the other from under her left shoulder in a compact hold. When I throw up I have always found it difficult to focus my energies on staying up straight and not falling out. Typically all strength goes away from the hand and legs in an effort to control the stomach. This way I could firmly hold her steady while she throws up and comfort the stomach and back as well. and then give my head over the shoulder for her to lean her head against mine and relax her head as well. I knew exactly what she needed there.
Deed done, a dose of Budha kaka fudina ark and a glass of water and off you go to sleep. Oh I have been there many times. Enough to know what’s the feeling like. I asked Jispa if she liked how I held her. Yup. It was good, came the reply. Of course. Thats what fathers are meant for. We go though this shit many times in the hope that at the least, we can empathise when our kids go through it, try and blunt it and at best try and avoid a repeat. As I learnt from my childhood, puking is a good thing, body throws out the waste and it’s still better than most other diseases. There is little you can do except hold your muscles and bear it. Also going by my experience, this violence will last even into adulthood. I might not be there with her always but I hope if Jispa’s partner ever reads this post... something can learnt and used.
Last update – the medicine seemed to have held. Jispa is recovering. It might be a one off case.

knowing your onions

It was good to be a sickly kid after all. It comes back to haunt, oops sorry, help you when you grow older.
Jispa tonsils progressed from bad to worse. They started hurting her ears. At first they hurt a bit and then it started hurting more. We called up the paediatrician and she prescribed some ear drops which we duly bought. After we put them in her pain went sharpened. I guess the liquid medicine seemed to have exacerbated her immediate pain and she started screaming in agony. At first we tried to knock some patience in her. But then I remembered my childhood.
I used to get tonsillitis often enough and the infected would spread to the ear. The ear infection would remain in a dormant state for some time to come. Once millions of years ago, while we were in Pune at mom’s friends place, my brother and I were playing in the garden outside. I dunno what happened but my brother decided to give me a slap. Older brothers seem to love to do that kind of thing. Being the youngest of tree kids has given me enough reason (mental scar) for Jispa not to have siblings. This slap was a not so hard but it was misdirected. Instead of the cheek it hit the ear. Aw aw aw ow owowow ow.. MUMMY… I remember crying out loud and rushing in. Mommy was quite worried and my brother was aghast at what he saw as essentially overacting. According to his philosophy larding over me is fine and I complaining to a higher power was a sign of betrayal and cowardice. A squeal. It was my duty to submit wilfully to his orders. Now you know.
So mom took me aside and instantly readied her remedy. She boiled water and kept it at one side. Then covered it. she then took two napkins and got them warm on the lid. One by one she gave me a gentle .. what’s that word?.. a gentle warm _____… is it called dry fomentation? something we call it ‘sake’ in gujarati. Basically she put warm napkins on my ear, one by one. Lovely feeling and the pain just vanished away in due course.
So when Jispa really couldn’t bear it anymore, I asked Jasmine to boil water and get me some towels. I thought she understood the remedy. Ina few minutes a little warm water came in. I was like ‘I need it boiling Jasmine and get a lid’. Oh ok. She thought you wanted to put some in her ears. It’s not your fault Jasmine. I was the sickly kid. I was the one who knew all the shit that happens and all the possible remedies. So water was taken and heated to boiling point. In the meanwhile we took the towels and warmed them on the food vessels that were already hot.
I got Jispa to sleep on one side and gently put warm dry towels on her ear. In two minutes she stopped crying, in five she was better, in ten she was ok and in fifteen minutes we had enough and wanted to continue to watch her movie. Charlie and the chocolate factory. Roald Dahl might have been a great writer for kiddy books but I guess this made for a lousy movie script.
And I felt that finally after years of suffering as a kid I finally saw some light in His ways. So if you are getting married to someone with whom you might have babies, first figure out if either of you have been sick kids (especially as teenagers, since you would then have remembered the experience). If both of you have been reasonably healthy and not experienced enough of bacteria and viruses then I think you guys will be unfit to raise kids. No chance.
Jasmine is pathetic when it comes to understanding illness. I am the resident expert. She can nurture well enough, and she takes super care; but you really can’t write a treatise on hunger if you haven’t experienced it first hand.

it works

Jispa is currently down with tonsillitis. I used to be a victim of this with alarming regularity when I was little. I think it took be to graduate from college to sufficiently build enough defences to now be at reasonable ease with the tonsils. I remember the big problem with tonsils was the fever. If they got infected, besides obstructing my swallowing, my fever would shoot up. Straight 104 degrees Fahrenheit. Mom got some time to get used to this and then finally understood that this but natural with the infection. A dose of antibiotics along with paracetamol (typically crocin) would be great. I must swallowed kilotons of them by the time I grew up.
So yesterday when Jispa’s fever hit 102 levels I knew it was par for the course. The problem surfaced for us when the fever did not rapidly subside when we gave her a Crocin yesterday. Action mode kicked off. Frantic calls to the doctor were made. The doctor recommended a sponge bath. Jispa was completely irritable and hated it and she got very angry with us. She still had energy to get angry, which was a good thing. I firmly told her that we are doing what is right irrespective of what she says. After some time the fever went up to 103. This was panic mode. The doctor asked to give a dispirin and to give Gelusil along with to counter the possible acidity. This was around 12 and I ran out to get a 24 hour medical shop and get the medicine. We kept cold water strips on her head to ensure that the fever stays away from the brain.
Jispa knew this was trouble. If the fever would not subside from now she would necessarily be put in hospital.
Luckily the Dispirin took its effect. In around 35/ 40 minutes, she began to feel really warm and better.
But in the meanwhile I noticed something that has had me thinking for sometime. After we had given her the Dispirin I noticed that she had kept both her fingers crossed. While continuing the cold water strips on her forehead, I asked her, why? She was not keen / too weak to answer. I opened them, thinking it was a unintentional action. Then I asked her, if she did it for good luck. She mumbled a yes and I let the matter rest. Jasmine came in and then pointed the crossed fingers to me. according to her, it must be the germs game they have been playing. This is a funny game that they play in school. You touch and other person and say germs, the other person is deemed to have gotten the germs. If he does not touch another person on the count of ten then he has ‘melted’ due to the germs. How do you take care and stop the germs from hitting you – your fingers must be crossed. Hmmm. Must be that.
Today morning I asked her why she had done it. She said she had done it so that she did not have to go to hospital. She had crossed her fingers and said that she wished that she did not have to go to college. I asked her if she learned that somewhere. Nopes. Did it mean good luck? No. Was it from the game? I don’t know. But you could have asked God for it I remarked, why cross your fingers. Then I realised that I have taught her not to ask God for anything. In fact I have put in her mind the question of the existence of God.
I asked her if it really happens. She said she doesn’t know but it worked nah? It worked for me this time. Yes dear. It surely did. I told her that doesn’t worry. If you have to go to the hospital then possibly it might be a good thing. You might learn something, you might experience something. Have faith.
I kept thinking. We have tried not to teach her any superstition. We have tried to teach her to question God. We have tried to teach her that things remain within yourself. Trust yourself and your belief. Thank god, if you believe, for what you have but no point really asking for anything. If you see, she did not ask God for anything. She just crossed her hands and wished that she did not have to go to the hospital. Whom did she wish to? Herself.
It’s interesting. If a child is an unbiased respondent then this is an interesting case. Are we wired to believe in God. We look for strength in times of trouble. We believe that by wishing we can somehow control things around us. Wishing in some sorts seems to be a primitive form of prayer to me. If I had taught my daughter the Strength and the Glory of god, would she have wished to God instead? But since we have taught her otherwise, she wished to herself instead. She though that she could alter natural course of action by the strength of a wish or a ritual. Hence the belief in God that has evolved over years to be highly ritualistic... I don’t know. These are questions that I must be needlessly over analysing. But I think there is some merit here.
I have had my tryst with superstitions. I have had my run in with my share of bribery with the supreme lord. I have had my fall out with rituals. I have fought and so far won over these in my head and heart. But to see my eight year old do this fills me with question.
Am I denying her, the right to God? Isn’t she supposed to believe in the Supreme Being? Shouldn’t she take comfort in religion the way countless millions do, I haven’t taught her to pray but I have also taught her to respect God. I have merely asked her to question the world interpretation of God and the rituals around it.
Actually I think I must be happy. In adversity she turned to herself. She did not ask me, she did not tell me to some how stop it from happening. She asked herself. Sure, she used a ritual. She used something that gave her hope. I am glad it was something inside of her.
Suddenly as I think, we saw the movie Badmaash company, recently. In that the protagonist uses the crossed fingers when he needs extra help. Possibly that might have prompted the thought. Kids learn by all around us. They take their cues from anywhere. From places you never thought possible. Possibly it’s this or possible its other factors, or a combination of many. No one knows.
But I am surely thinking about this and this might remain in my mind of sometime to some. At the end you possibly require something, some Ritual to help you channelise your strengths. Possibly that’s what they help in. that’s why they were invented.
Possibly now I have become older and hence I can channelise my mind without a ritual hence I actively disband it’s use as a superstition. But there are still so many rituals that help us. Eating together, hugging before we leave for school. The morning waking up. (how could I not remember that). whatever.
I guess after today I might be a little more ambivalent. I was a little left of neutral. I moved a little to the right to be a little less left of neutral on the topic.
One thing is for sure, Jispa reminded me of the basic truth of life. “It worked this time nah?”. Yes Jispa. It did. It surely did.

tummy trouble

Yesterday night Jispa woke us up, as she had a really bad stomach ache. We were wondering what the issue was. She was really in pain. We thought at first it would go away, then we though it was gas. So we gave her something for it. Then we tried the ultimate weapon for gas – heating a little asafoetida (heeng) mixed with water and then putting it on the tummy. It always did wonders for me whenever I had gas. It is instant relief. But this time something else was wrong. It kept on paining. Once the ultimate weapon was done with we realised that this is something else. We called up the paediatrician at 3 am. She asked a bit and then simply recommended a crocin. Its possible thanks to the dal she had. Jispa is recovering from typhoid and her tummy is still not completely all ok.

But sitting there and waiting for the medicines to take effect while she was rolling about in pain is so painful for a parent. Especially at 3 am, when you are not really sure you want to call the doctor before you have exhausted all the likely home remedies. Jispa wouldn’t even let me touch her tummy. She is quite an angry person when she is sleeping and when she is in pain. This time it was both. It is almost as if she turns herself into another avatar. Whenever we have to wake her up mid sleep we let her know it in advance that we will wake you, either early morning or in the middle of her highness’s sleep and that she should not throw a fit. Then she behaves like a dream. All nice and cordial. She is quite a sweet understanding type kid. Just don’t give her surprises in her sleep.

But tummy aches are bad and I have had my fair share. The worst ones I remember were a couple of really nasty aches. Once I had this horrible gas build up for some reason and it just refused to subside. I remember puking the little food that I had just before. It was the humble bourbon biscuit. I did not touch it for another year after that. the pain was so great that I remember feeling the pain till a couple of days afterwards. The doctor I told me that it was because my stomach muscles had gotten tired or something. The other one was the time I had a stone in the urinary tract or something. Oh that was something which was a 7 on the Richter scale. This one happened in the middle of the night. Nothing seemed to work. I even remember removing my laptop and connecting to the internet to figure which side is the dam appendix. All in complete agony. The after effects of that are that I have kept a spasmo proxyvon capsule in my wallet for many years. It is still there. I haven’t had the courage to remove it. I have used only once from there. That too at an event when a lady friend needed it. I used to keep a packet in office and at home and everywhere else. If a stone hits you from inside there is only one thing that can give you relief at the time. Only one.

The crocin worked on Jispa for sometime. She could sleep then. Later in the morning she woke and complained a bit more. I got her by my side and slept by her. Most of the time, both of us need our teddy bears to sleep. She is light and perfect as she slings her hand and leg over you while she sleeps. Absolutely wow. We both slept through the rest of the morning.

For some reason I remember the old woodwords grip water ad. The one is which first the parent says, and then the granny says and then the great ganny says – kay zala/ bal radat hota. Woodwards dyala saang tila, tu lahan astana me tula hech detos. Forgive the marathi. The big wonder of wonders - I can’t seem to find that iconic ad on youtube.