in the name of God

This is something I keep seeing on and off in the Mumbai trains. People have books where in they keep writing the name of God I presume. Wonder why. Some beliefs are probably a bit weird or then again probably not. There was a time when I used to use the train for catching up on sleep. But since the last 4 odd years in the trains I like to bury my nose straight away in a book. When we do shift office in the middle next week to kalina I would miss the train travel and hence my good solid 40 minutes of reading. This would be my big loss. Now reading might be restricted to home pre sleep time. I would have to make more time for it in some other way I guess. If I reach early enough in office then that could be some time. Let’s see. But any which way I had hoped to be a train boy my entire career. I guess that’s going to stand too long. Driving to office isn’t an exciting prospect. Especially when there is no option but to listen to the stupid FM channels playing the same dam music across all stations.
Amongst the few superstitions I have is playing some Ganapati Bhajans the first thing when I start my car. Think as I might I just can’t get to kick the habit. Many years ago once when I dint play it some one took half my bumper off with his car. But I also reason that in the mornings they are definitely much more smoother on the ears than the FM music. So there, I have just rationalized an irrational habit.

somebody move

This time I traveled for my holiday in the trains as well. I have romantic associations of the trains from childhood and I still try to relieve them as well. So hence we travel by train. But one small change – I don’t travel sleeper class. I don’t think I can handle that anymore. I travel at least in A/C. Every time jasmine and I see the second sleeper we wonder how people travel and the fact that we used to travel like that as kids. It’s become much dirtier these days than what I remember. The crowd seems to have all upgraded and hence our kind of class status would be in the A/C’s and the unreserved has moved onto sleepers. Whatever our stupid class connotations I don’t think I would want to travel like that with family. Somehow on my own I might be a bit more adventurous.

But I don’t quite know what to make of the Indian railways. The last five years for the railways has been written in gold with the Indian railways making breakthrough turn to windfall profits. This fact got global attention for the Indian railways and it became a case study for B school. Hell, I also saw an expensive book on it. What does mean for the end customer who uses it for transport, both the daily commute as well as the long distance traveler. Answer – zilch. Forward is an anathema for this anachronism.
I have been traveling in the trains for a long time now. I have been commuting since 1991 and have been doing long distance traveling since I was a baby. From where I remember – not much had changed. The only big leap has been the introduction of computers for reservation. Add online to it as an extension and there – you are done.
There is nothing done to augment the user experience. The loos in the stations and on the trains have remained as dirty as they ever were in all these years. The compartments have definitely gotten dirtier to point of being filthy. The AC compartments are getting worse. Dull and dingy due to ugly dark sun film, dirty curtains in the 2nd AC, bed sheets and blankets that have not been washed but merely ironed again. The pillows are awful and bad. Some are completely out of shape and black inside. The stations are dirty crowded and ill designed. Delhi Nizammuddin station at Delhi which caters to long distance travelers will not have slopes at foot over bridges. The coolies will not charge standard agreed upon fares. There will not be any fixed / fair metered taxi stands outside. The food stall will be sad as ever. The pantry will overcharge, delivery short quantity, prepare bad food and maintain no hygiene. The pantry car is an ugly, filthy, hot and pathetic rat hole.
The attendants are unhelpful as ever, the TC is corrupt as ever. Few good things – they upgrade travelers in case of vacancy… It’s true we got upgraded from 3 tier AC to 2 tier AC on one trip! You can use print outs instead of tickets. Wow! And the website actually has adequate bandwidth and server strength. I can’t think anything much beyond. Can you? Oh ya I almost forgot. The new Rajdhani coaches are nicer and some coaches have interesting new hip and useful reading lamps.
And anything that I think of as a solution just somehow feels unimplementable. In Ratlam we saw the carriage being cleaned by some private guys – they too are not up to mark. Its really difficult to think of solutions. The only thing I can think of is allowing for private compartments managed and branded by hospitality chains. So you may have a 5 star Taj coach followed by a budget ginger coach and then a ‘shiv sagar udipi’ coach. The government can continue to keep the same subsidy while allowing the people to pay more for greater comfort. But this is conundrum is very painful to see unsolved.

Here are some images from the trip this time around
Jispa enjoying her herself. Gymnastics is useful!

Inside the loo
Hammer for breaking glass in emergency. But uhhh… how do we get to the hammer. Oh.. break the glass and get the hammer to break the glass.

Wow nice electronic display. Trains coming and trains going. But wait hang on.. did you spot it… go on look again….
The arrival time is after the departure time in the second last row. Oh ya.. I am a hard to please guy. Aint I?

Footboards, what would we do without you

Today I took a much later train than usual. I was not used to crowded trains. The idiots didn’t make space for me to go in and I was left hanging on the footboard. Anyone who has used the Mumbai local trains for close to 18 years would be comfortable with the same. I first started to use the train independently when I went to college. My college was in Churchgate. That made me use the trains for the first time. Mom was worried and did not want me to go so far. It was only after my brother intervention that I was allowed. But that is another very interesting story. My dad explained me how to go. It was pretty confortable. Catching the 11.18 train from kings circle, get down at the next stop at Mahim and then the train from there to Churchgate. I got the hang of it pretty easy. I used to run across the track, jump fences, through the holes in the fences, run along the bridges, jump into running trains, travel at the footboard even if there was space inside etc etc. I wonder how I managed to come out unscathed from those years. As wisdom set in I started looking for space to sit, took foot bridges etc. But I still run for the trains. Something don’t change, some things take time.
But technically I have not come off it unscathed. Once I had to go to Mumbai central to catch a train to Gujarat. I was working there in 1998-99. Jasmine was with me. The train came at Dadar. It was crowded and Jasmine went into the ladies compartment and I boarded the one behind. I could barely get a foothold and a hand on the railing inside. I had a big bag which stayed out. As the train left the station slowly I realized that the poles are dangerously close. Suddenly one hit my bag; I tried to get it in place. Another one hit my bag. I took my free left hand and pushed it closer to my body. WHACK. The pole hit my hand, under the elbow. Wow that hurt. It hit the bone. Luckily I held on. I screamed to the guys to let me in. magically space opened out. They probably heard the sound or felt the desperation in my voice. I sat in examining the damage. No cut and no fracture (ratified later). I live relatively unscathed. Not that it stopped me from climbing crowded trains. Relentless Mumbai spirit?
Coming back to today. I was traveling on the footboard. But I was clearly uncomfortable. Very bearable crowd but just I guess I am not used to it. I am happier seated. Good for me I guess? I guess.

rail gaadi rail gaadi, chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug

Traveling in the trains, especially long distance is probably a good way to get familiar with the changing Indian demographic and psychographics. In Diwali last we had a trip to Rishikesh. This involved traveling by the Rajdhani train to Delhi and then on by another train to Haridwar.
Diwali is a time for a lot of young employed to head home. You could see tons of twenty somethings, lugging their laptops and heading home. A lot of them had their girlfriends and boyfriends to see them off at the station. Women with laptops that are carried in a shoulder sling bag is such a dangerous thing. One shoulder the laptop, other shoulder heavy purse, heels and then the ubiquitous mobile phone conversation happening with the shoulder hunched. High probability for spondylitis. The reports of increasing incidence in younger working women getting all sorts of back injuries will definitely come in.
In any case every one seems to be on the way home. The railways have done some good things by having charging points inside the train compartments. They are useful for charging your cell phones, but the flip is that they result in constant chatter through out. There is great signal almost throughout the journey. The plug points also result in the loud Indian male groups watching movies or listening to music from their laptops. Scant regard to those around them. Music is also played from their mobile phones as if it’s a dam radio. Cell phone music is a phenomenon picking up in local trains as well. So dam irritating. Keep your music to yourself. One of these days I am going to pick up a fight with some of these characters.
Another thing I noticed is that all the women in the train (A/c compartment) exclusively use face wash as opposed to soap. The soap dish, popular in our times and seen with our type of families is now completely an endangered species. It’s a soap free world. Women use it more though but the men will not be far behind. I saw one guy who was washing his hands for more than five minutes and then was washing his face, carefully scrubbing one skin flake at a time. He must have at least 10 minutes to wash only his face. I am not exaggerating. He was clearly taking care of himself and loving it.
My wife too uses face wash and the culture seems to be spreading to Jispa and me. One wise one I once cracked – my wife uses only soap free stuff and I use only free soap, the ones I flick for free from the hotel rooms

train tickets, anyone?

Yesterday there were scores of ticket checkers at VT station in the morning and then again in the evening. As I was standing on the platform waiting for the train I could see a large number of guys being hauled into TC’s cabin on the first platform. Chatting up with one of the TC’s I learnt quite a bit. Here are some insights into a TC’s life.
They have targets per month of collecting fines. They have to collect at least Rs. 50,000 per month as fines. That translates to at least 8 people a day. Hmmm. Interesting. The concept of a target is definitely good but it also shows the confidence of the railway authorities in the honesty of the Indian Public. They obviously believe that a TC would definitely get that amount. This leads a ticket checker to get all sorts of people. He says that there are guys who make honest mistakes and enter through the ticket holders gate and then proceed towards buying the ticket. That is also a finable offense and people get caught. He also realizes that this is probably wrong but, what to do. Rules are rules and they apply equally.
He said that this is a drive that could be on for a couple of days. Drives like these help in increasing ticket sales. The mere presence of a man in uniform will drive the person to the ticket counter. According to him the best deterrence is a couple of TC’s in uniform at the dates. That’s enough. Also when there are so many TC’s together the fine is generally paid faster. Otherwise the argument / pleading of the traveler go on and on.
Another thing was that they get more people traveling ticketless in mornings and evenings than in the middle of the day. His reason was that people are in a hurry and tend to skip the long lines at the ticket counter during rush hour and take a risk. Interesting one that. It means that the people are generally not dishonest but there is a barrier to honesty in the system. Man is honest to a point. Beyond which he is tempted to cross. The risk existed before he saw the long line at the ticket counter itself, yet he went towards it, saw it, saw his watch and then decided to take the plunge. The solution is not more TC’s but more ticket counter open at peak hours. Is a ticket checker more of value checking tickets at rush hour is he of more of value manning one more ticket counter. I think an idea on dispensing tickets faster might have greater ROI than more ticket checkers. What say?
Here is another interesting tidbit. When they catch people traveling without tickets they take them to the cabin for the fine collecting and other formalities. To ensure that these guys don’t give the slip, the TC puts his hand on the shoulder and escorts him there. This any Mumbai train traveler will tell you are a common sight. The TC was saying that such an act is very insulting for the traveler. He does not want to be seen being escorted by the TC such. What if his friends see him? He typically pleads with the TC to release the shoulder, promising that he will come along. The TC also has no option. “They run away all the time. I have to put the hand on the shoulder. That stops him. If he was so honest as to walk properly he should have been honest enough to buy the ticket in the first place. If he is dishonest with the ticket, why should I trust him not to run now?” Good counter point.
Indian railways take pride in saying that they somehow against the odds take millions of people from one corner to another against all the odds. Sure I love these engineers who quietly keep the trains running, efficiently. But one thing we miss is human design. How do we have deep understanding of the average traveler so that we make small changes and design stations so that travelers feel the clean neat well designed stations and behave well. The broken windows theory comes to mind. I think its there is some of my earlier blogs. You could look it up on Google as well. A little bit of common sense thinking a la Paco Underhill (brilliant book ‘why we buy’) might be a good idea.

picture perfect

When you nothing much to write then show a few pictures. A picture is worth a thousand words. So here are a few thousand words:
This is independence day flag hoisting at Manoribel– a beach resort on the outskirts of Mumbai. I love this place. Chilling and lazing on the hammock all day. The next photo is the view from my favorite seat at this place. Hehehehe

Life moves at a snail’s pace in Manori, actual plus metaphorically.
The three lovely puppies that are in our building. One recently died under a car. Sad. Jispa is getting used to the concept of death.
Aurora theatre. An old theater in Mumbai that is yet to be refurbished. The good part is that till then the seat prices are so low that you don’t mind a bad movie at the place. I mean for 100 bucks for a seat in an A/c hall, the picture is a bonus. Look at the ticket counter, look closely and you realize how thick the wall really is. It’s at least a foot deep. It feels funny talking to the guy. Its like talking to Alice in wonderland after she fell inside the burrow.
Two kids sat next to me in the train to work today. I made as many faces as I could possibly muster up. Try as I might, he just refused to smile. He just kept ignoring me, glancing once a while but no smile. How cheap yaar. The next one is his brother (I guess). He was Mr. perpetual frown, but at least he gave me a short quick smile before moving to his forwny self.

your momma always told you to cover your books with brown paper - now you know why

Reading a book is not so easy anymore. I just finished reading ‘The Islamist’ by Ed Hussein. While going to play squash I get off at Matunga station. The only way to get off that train is to stand by the doorway from the first itself. I read till Parel and then it’s impossible to read thanks to the crowd. I just stuff the book into my waist and wait two stops till Matunga.
One day a guy saw the cover and asked me about Ed Hussein. I told him it’s the author of the book. He then asked me my name. Now any one in Mumbai knows that some one asking you your name in a conversation is mostly trying to get your religion. He then asked if I was Hindu. How do I tell him that I am a Pantheist, but whatever, ok. so, carry on… I ask him his name. ‘Mohammad’. He then asks what the book is about – he reads the words ‘The Islamist’. He can read English but I am not sure if he can understand the spoken word. So I try to explain the premise of the book. I explain in Hindi that author is a religious person in England who was an Islamist but then went back to practicing Islam without being an Islamist. Or whatever. It was difficult to explain in Hindi. He then asked me if the name of the prophet is in the book. I am like ‘ya, I think so’. This getting potentially dangerous. He then tells me that, if so, I must not carry the book like that. Oops. I take it out. Hold it respectfully. I tell him thank you. It’s good that you tell me. We do not understand. We are only trying to understand. He gives me advice like – nothing will come off by standing in front of a stone and praying. I say yup, thank you thank you. We learn by listening to others. Reading is not enough. Thank you. Station arrives, I get off. Bye. Whew. That was close.
Ed if you are reading this – what on earth was that?
On the book. I loved it. It began ok, I lost it in the middle, but it ended powerful. Left an impact in my mind. I understood much more, I know much more now. Good, recommended read. Read it, but be careful in the local trains.

pain and the great escape

I never imagined that I would be typing so much in my life. I thought I would be doomed to live my life with my ugly handwriting and would have difficulty progressing in life. Well life sure has changed. I write a lot but I hardly life a pen! Qwerty is so much a part of my life! My thumb is injured. I have no clue how or when but the nail seems to be affected and its quite painful. I can barely hold the pen and write well but it has not affected my work majorly. Just an odd angle in which the thumb presses the space bar.

Yesterday I missed getting caught by the skin of my teeth. These days I have been going to play squash. For that I have to get to Matunga station. That’s not on my normal line and therefore I require tickets. I have bought the tickets before hand and I have to punch in the valid fares before getting on. For some reason I though the amount was 4 bucks and I have been punching the same for a few days. Yesterday the TC caught me and pointed out that the fare is 6 bucks. It 4 bucks to Dadar and Matunga is one station further. Ok. “You have to pay the fine”; oh come on “an honest mistake by and honest citizen” its not as if I am trying to dodge fare. Nothing doing, he marches me to the office to get me to pay the differential. Then suddenly lightning strikes, “what’s the fare from Masjid” Four, he says. Great. Then here is my pass that goes from VT to Vadala. This includes the common journey from VT to Masjid. So the ticket I punched becomes a journey extension ticket from Masjid to Matunga, which is 4 bucks so I am home and dry. Wah wah.. I was impressed by myself. He took a little while to digest it. He didn’t like but, the law is on my side. “be careful next time’ he says. ‘Thank you Bye Bye’, you dickhead I think in my mind.

one large leap

“Ritu and I both will be 15 min late. My chappal fell off d train n she is coming to station with a spare pair 4 me :(” – this is the SMS I received from one of my reportees. Fact is sometimes stranger than fiction.

Life comes a full circle. Sonal used to stay at Bandra all her life. Her dad retired and moved to Kandivili from where she jostles and fights her way to office. I had another girl once who stayed at Marine drive and came to work at Nariman point. Just 5 minutes by road. She got married and moved to Jogeshwari. That’s one and a half hour to work everyday. I had asked to look for the tabelas (hindi for cow sheds). She just nodded thinking this was us pulling her leg. She called up soon after in all excitement saying that she saw the tabelas. Well I told you they were there!

This is but a small example of how women get displaced by marriage and is such a big radical step for them. I am not so sure it’s that big a step for the guy. Best of luck to all the girls!

bananarama

A small banana is a roughly 5 inches tall and 100 gms in weight. Around the same as a cell phone. Let the significance of the size not be lost on you.

A man going home from work likes to buy something to eat before the commute.

Men are normally paranoid about their belongings, specially in public areas and keep checking their pockets to ensure that the wallet, cell phone etc are there.

Normally the cell is kept in the top right hand pocket of the shirt.

Most people in trains are helpful and point out if you forget something or the other while getting off.

Bananas are seen as nice nutritional food by the common man.

A man can eat one banana easily, the second one may be eaten after some time.

Bananas normally get squashed quite easily.

Your shirt pocket can’t hold too many things together.

People normally keep the same stuff in the same pocket everyday. Habit.

Bananas are often sold as a pair. 5 for 2

People normally read books in trains to pass time.

Now to connect the threads...

One man bought two bananas for five bucks. He ate one. He then boarded the train. He put the second banana in his shirt pocket. When he sat he put the cell phone beside him. He began reading a book. When his station came he did a mental check. His felt his wallet and his cell and got up and began to leave. The guy sitting opposite pointed out that he left his cell behind. The man turned in horror to find his cell on his seat. He then realized that the weight he felt in his top pocket was actually the banana and not the cell as he made it out to be.

I am that man.

run buddy run, then eat

They all run... they allways do..

Jaagte rahooooooo….. all the old independence era movies would show the ubiquitous watchman trying to do his duty with his nightly calls. I guess today there is a slight variation. It has to be bhaagte rahoooo…. Only for a mega metro like mumbai will a obscure number like 738 make a significant amount of impact, in fact this number is not prayed to will ensure a late entry to office, a missed movie starting climax, a late date, and a possible firing. Many have their own numbers which they live by 642, 827, 956. some of us even have made the code more complex by making it alpha numerical, such as 926 BO, 745 C or 648 P. hmmm. The plot thickens. Because many times the 743 CST is followed by the 1 SPL or is preceded by the 142 or of course the alpha numerical 6 LTD. So the entire sequence is 730 5 LTD 755 CST 1 SPL. A complex piece of action orchestrated with clock work precision.

For the dim witted or the plain sleepy towners who haven’t caught it yet the code (730 5 LTD 755 CST 1 SPL) is broken as:- leave home at 7.30 am to catch the 5 limited bus to get down at the train station to catch the 7.55 Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus local to catch the 1 Special that takes them to Nariman Point. As I said Bhaagte Rahooooooooooooooo.
This two decimal point precision is further fine tuned if you catch the bloody train at CST station. Since the trains start there they have installed huge digital clocks that even show the seconds, so as you enter the station you know that you have exactly 36 seconds left to catch you train, or exactly 48 seconds to run to your compartment and find a place to rest your butt (not park it – seating is not that easy with 48 seconds left). You also know that you have potentially 55 seconds left if you want a plastic vacuum packed bag of peanuts. How? Well 48 seconds for the train to leave and another 7 seconds the boy take borrow as he can jump while the train is just about to leave the platform. Ooohhh. We live the razor’s edge… cool nah! Now all that I want to see is the train timetable showing the train leaving at 6.46.38 am.

While on the peanuts I have always wondered on the way the vendors pack the peanuts that are sold at the station. The nuts are naked and packed in plastic packets that seem to have air sucked out of them. Since we assume that this is not a multi million rupee investment on the plant and that the Nehruvian dream of small scale sector is at full play the only option is….. the guy rubs the dry peanuts with his palm, blows the husk away with the air from his mouth. Then blows inside the plastic to open it, puts the nuts inside and then seals it with the heating element. Now how does he achieve the vacuum? Hmm, the only way is by sucking the air manually before sealing it completely. We are not even on the topic of does the bloody thing gets dry in the first place. Also while on the topic it is interesting to note that thanks to the advent of AIDS, we have a lot of cases of TB among the lower strata of society. This TB is getting worse and s getting increasingly resistant to treatment. So much for a blow by blow account! Pretty cool, nah, how the promise of a 2 rupee peanut snack is so beautifully played out. YA.. Anybody hungry for a snack?

Eat India from delhi to bombay

Trains… lovely thing they are. I always like them and I loved traveling by them. But I guess the demand on time are soo much that I rarely use them these days. Flights are it. flights are so impersonal compared to trains, so bad and ugly. There is some romance left in trains, though I don’t get to see many PYT’s in trains at all.
I went to Delhi in a flight but I came back in train. What a smart decision. The Rajdhani is an awesome experience. They keep feeding you through out the journey. Starting with water, snacks, soups (yes sir with butter and bread sticks) and dinner, with sweet dahi and ice cream. And next day breakfast. Move over cricket, its eating that’s India’s number one entertainer. I could just see all the guys in the trains getting surprised at the platter and entertained purely on the eating. The gastronomical delights score over voyeuristic or even patriotic delights. I am convinced India is born to eat. The clarion call of today’s age is Eat India! Notice how when you go on a date you normally go to eat, when you go with family you eat, when you go to the movie you eat, when you play cricket you eat, when someone dies you eat, when someone marries you eat, on corporate meetings offsites, anything we eat. All this talk about eating is making me feel hungry now. EAT EAT EAT EAT. It is not by sheer co incidence that the longest running TV show in India is, yes sir, Khana Khazana.
Hmmm coming back to the train journey… its nice not to have too much crowd to interact with. I finished a lovely book start to end. It was ‘the making of Sholay – by Anupama Chopra.’ I always liked her writing before. She writes well and the book was a delightful easy read with lots of interesting trivia thrown. A must read for Sholay fans. Aren’t we all… very nice. I read in one flat 4 hour session. I don’t think I have ever read a book start to end without putting it down. This is the first one… I even was laughing in parts. I had to control or risk the train guys thinking me to be mad. Good fun. I suddenly rediscovered train journeys. Will have to somehow figure them in my vacations again. Forced long quality time with Jispa should be quite nice. Only thing is that I used to prefer non a/c, but given the bad hygiene in trains and family, I prefer the A/c. Its far more stress free. Non a/c can get to you at times I guess. I guess, life grows on you. I would want Jispa to back pack on non a/c but I guess it’s ok either ways. The principle being that don’t complain on the heat, dust, pollution, dirt etc. I have been thru much more in my life and I would want her to go thru a lot of it as well. But who knows when she grows up what will happen. I definitely don’t prefer a soft pink chick. But then that’s a dad’s point of view today. When she grows up I might just as well give her money to fly all over. Funny thing this parenting is. Kuch long term plan hi nahin karneka… full ulta ho jayega.