its fun growing up with Jispa

A few blogs earlier I had written about the complicated truce in the relationship between Jasmine, Jispa and me. This was as regards Jispa and Jasmine’s fights and other tribulations. On the heels of a truce comes a new low in the relationship between Jispa and me.
Jispa is now growing up. She is not nine years old and aware of herself and the surroundings. She has a mind and she plans to use it. And now she finds me ‘over’. Not as in over meaning the end. But Over as in ‘over doing’ over. It started with the morning wake up. In the morning wake up I used to get inside and smother her with kisses, talk a lot, hug a lot…etc etc… She was complaining the other day that I ‘over’ do it. I should just wake her up by being less aggressive. LESS Aggressive? What the F is that? I thought I was being sweet and this is what she liked. If she wanted I could mom to wake her up. With me she can have the wake up procedure for 10 minutes. Mom will just pull her out of the bed before she knows it, she would be in the bathroom. I thought I was doing her a favor. Bah!
So how does she want to be woken up? She wants to be first told to wake up and then she wants to sleep for some time and then I have to come again. One or two kisses and a hug is ok. No more. Arrrgghhh.
The other day at the swimming competition also she resisted being hugged and kissed by me. She is clearly growing up and I am clearly not letting go. One of us is not maturing. Dam. The thing with kids is that they are designed to break your heart. They will grow up and that’s what you train them for and the first place they use their skills are on you. You teach them to argue logically and they do it on you. You teach them to grow up and be independent and they want independence from you.
So thanks to this growing up pang I have been sulking a bit. So you want to be treated like an adult eh? FINE! I can’t believe I am doing it, but I am seeking revenge. So you want to be treated like an adult eh? So then do this yourself, so that yourself, now do that on time. Etc etc. in fact at one point Jasmine had to rein me in. She knows how hurt I am and how difficult it has been for me. Every time Jasmine and Jispa have a fight, I am the one to restrain them in saying ‘relax, she is a kid’. And now the kid has turned against me and has pretense of growing up.
It’s not easy. It is surely not easy. Very very tough. Growing up with Jispa means constantly adapting, constantly changing your stand, all while remaining ‘consistent’. Man this is so tough. And I don’t like it. Parenting is dam tough. I don’t we signed up for this. This was not written in the brochure. Constant adjusting and adapting is a crazy thing. There are three personalities at play and the fact that these personalities are constantly prone to mood swings, and the fact that the most critical one is growing up every second and new synapses in the brain are being developed as we speak. Her brain would be a flurry of activity. It would do somethings and justify to itself somethings. Keeping it crazy all the time.
So right now Jasmine is learning to let go and I am learning to let go. We are all learning to let go. The question is how much to let go and how much to hold on to. Discipline versus nature’s course. It’s a big challenge. It drains you of all the emotional energy that is there.
One thing is sure, I am happy that I had Jispa when I was about 27 years old. She grew while I was growing. We both grew up together in many ways. It is a good thing to be a relatively younger parent. These are interesting lessons in growing up. Every phase is such a challenge. Let go, don’t let go. You need an almost Zen like Buddhist state of mind to deal with all this. The constant need to change, to think of things as transient, and to focus on the core that is – the relationship based on love and caring and respect. Ufff….
Coming to which... I changed the settings of my blog to being hidden to Google. Jispa is now growing up. Now she will have friends who will do the Google search on friend names. A few of them already tried. Luckily they don’t read the blogs and they searched for the images and Jispa’s image from the blog got thrown up. Another interesting story – one day when I was talking o Jispa about the internet or something, she told me that some friend told her that another friend’s video was on you tube and that she should look it up. I looked it up for her. It was an embarrassing video of the friend as a three year old singing an English song. It was cute while the kid was three years old and embarrassing when the child grew up. So as of now the blog is off Google but accessible through the direct URL. Someday I am sure it will become private and Jispa will ask me to make it accessible by password.
I don’t think it would hurt too much. It’s not like the blog has a massive fan following or something…. But I like it open and I like the stories to reach someone somewhere and who knows what could be impacted, and where. I suddenly remembered this poem I had once attempted to learn for the elocution. Attempted? Ya… I did a bad job and in the trials I just kept forgetting the lines and my teacher was clearly disappointed as she thought I was better than this.

The Bridge Builder
by Will Allen Dromgoole (1860-1934)

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came at the evening cold and gray
To a chasm vast and deep and wide
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The rapids held no fears for him.
But he turned when safe on the other side
And built a bridge to span the tide.
“Old man,” cried a fellow pilgrim near,
“You’re wasting your time in building here.
Your journey will end with the closing day;
You never again will pass this way.
You have crossed the chasm deep and wide;
Why build you this bridge at even-tide?”
The builder lifted his old gray head.
“Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said,
“There follows after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
This stream, which has been as naught to me,
To that fair youth may a pitfall be.
He too must cross in the twilight dim —
Good friend, I am building this bridge for him.”