before you run, choose your race

“You know dad, boys are really irritating”. It’s that age when the boys and the girls really absolutely hate each other. Different things to do, different likes, dislikes, sports... everything. They just don’t see eye to eye on anything. Girls still have a sense of propriety, while the boys will go out of their way to disrupt any semblance of order. The way they react to situations is completely different. So I wasn’t surprised when Jispa told me that she found them painful. “Dad, we had a science lab experiment today and we were two girls and two boys. The boys just did nothing and fooled around while we two girls managed the experiment. It was so irritating.”. “Ah, yes, you know how boys are. Ignore them.”. “no. But they got all the credit for doing no work. It’s so unfair. That’s not right.”

“hah! Jispa understand the game. Right now the boys did not study or perform the experiment. They learnt nothing from it. You learnt from the experiment. You performed it and you understood it. They not only fooled around but they also got marks for it so their parents will never know that they fooled around. After wards when you go for a job, and you are competing with them, who do you think will get the job? You who understood what you did or they who did not understand. It’s in fact a good thing for you. The more people fool around the less competition you have later in life. In fact you WANT them to fool around. And GET marks for it so that they don’t realize it and improve.” The penny dropped. “Understand Jispa which race you want to win. Now or later”.

Now that’s a controversial bit of advice to give. I would normally say that one must be sweet and nice and share. I still believe that it’s important to share. I still am not telling her to be a bad person. Just telling her that every time things are not what they seem. It’s about perspective. Long run short term. What’s your perspective? And how an irritating boy who seems to be having all the fun is good for you.

I told her about one incident in college I am not likely to forget. It was b school and we had a project to get done. I was in a team with a guy and two other girls. Like usual no one really worked on the project. But the chicks worked without telling us and suddenly one day they told us that since we did not work on the project, they kicked us out. Fair. No issues on that front. I guess they were right in their way. But I was in the lurch. So I went to another guy, I think he name was Acquino or something like that. I explained my situation and he promptly took me in and convinced other team members to take me. After a few years I went out of my way to help him professionally. I met his boss and gave him strategic gyan and other information, just because it was him. I told his boss as much as well. Acquino thanked me and I told him that I merely returning his favour.

So I explained to Jispa – see what happened. There are two points to gain from being relaxed and r chilled. Selfishly it helps you both ways. So why unnecessarily stress yourself out. Let the boys remain dumb. Choose which race you want to win and then act. I think she got it.