A couple of weeks back was our big family vacation bash.
Mom, my brother, his wife, sister, her husband, their sons, Jasmine, Jispa and
me. I was dreading this week. The last time also we went we weren't exactly
happy about the whole thing. This time was a semi disaster. It gets pretty
irritating with all the families which have now become so different from each
other. We all like different things, we do different things, we see differently
and we are very different tourists. Mom is one of those who wants to see all
the attractions and tick them off as done. My brother couldn't care less. I and
my family like to stay in one attraction for long and don’t like to stress out
too much and my brother in law couldn't care less for history. He likes long
walks in cold woods.
It was as expected an unmitigated disaster with mom getting
on the nerves of my brother and me. We both tried our best to stay focused and
be happy and try not to get provoked by mom. Sometimes he kept cool and sometimes
it was my turn to cool down. I think as a family we remain reasonably happy by recognizing
our differences and not attempting to reconcile them. Bro and I are like chalk
and cheese. There is little connecting the two. Same with sis and me. For some
reason we grew up to be very different individuals. And the worst thing for me
is when I can’t have any intelligent conversations with anyone on a trip.
Jasmine is a happy listener but Jispa is the best. She listens, asks questions,
understands and provokes. We have many conversations. But with my family no one
wants to have any conversation with me. On so many things I am the resident
expert but my opinion counts for jack. My bro in law is attempting to run a
place in the hills as a home stay. I told him the best thing for him would be
to be active on trip adviser In today’s age you possibly don’t even need a
hotel website. You can have official photos and videos of your property hosted
on trip adviser and the best thing to get is other guest comments on your
property. You don’t even need to put in fake comments. Any active member will
easily spot fake comments when you see that there is only one glowing
recommendation of a traveler. That is so obviously a fake. Real comments are
balanced and useful. And then I tried talking something else – but I realized that
I wasn’t making any real sense to anyone.
I kept quiet. I told Jasmine – now I understand what gets me
bugged. I am the youngest one. All my life I was told I was a stupid kid who couldn’t
control my emotions or my tongue. I would be the stupid boy who they all ran
over. I rarely made any sort of sense. Now I am 37 but still a boy in their
eyes. Its doesn’t matter that firms are currently paying lakhs and putting
crores of rupees on the same advice that I am giving for free to them. Hehe. I don’t
think they can see that value. I must be dumb to open my mouth.
The only real active conversation I had on the trip was with
my nephew. He studies in Doon school and suddenly as a 15 year old he has
emerged as a very strong beautiful brainy boy. I explained and talked to him
about a lot of subjects. He was an active listener and asked me tons of questions
and we spoke about politics, economics, religion amongst others. My family
wondered what conversation was happening. Jasmine and Jispa are used to this. The
others don’t understand. Possibly my nephew wasn’t encumbered or prejudiced by childhood.
All in all even Jispa came back and was not entirely happy. On
the way back I explained to her and had a small chat – see Jips – things happen.
Families move away from each other and stay separately. Their styles change and
their modes of enjoyments change. It’s not that we are good and others are bad.
Each one has their own style of enjoying. In fact that you did not enjoy as
much shows that we are rigid in our thinking. We want it our way. That’s not
always how it’s going to be. So understand that even though we are one blood,
after staying away for long we have drifted in many ways.
I don’t want her to be negative. I don’t want to have any
conversations that try and show our family superiority over others. There is no
such thing. People are different. Their likes and tastes are different. A family
needs to give space to each other and recognize the differences, or even
celebrate them. My bro and I fought like dogs as children but have grown to
trust and be with each other by recognizing the very fact that our planes do
not intersect. Full stop. I too realized it this time around, how different we
have become. My style cannot function everywhere. It must change or must be
grinned and borne. That’s the truth. Or least my version of the truth ;)
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