please peace, inner piss

Yesterday I had a nice conversation with a friend. It wasn’t exactly pleasant but it was very interesting or me. I have the gift of talking and spouting gyan. Earlier I used to think that I was reasonably intelligent and I would likely have the solution to all of mankind’s woes. As I grew older and alas, wiser, I realized that no such shit exists. No one has answer to anyone’s woes.

I have written about this – there a beautiful book that I read “if you meet the Buddha on the road, shoot him”. Fundamentally answers lie within you. Inside of you. And mostly it futile trying to tell answers to anyone. through the book I learnt one clear thing – people come to you to talk / for advise / for love / for understanding. You can’t give any, if you really care about the person. You can only tell about your stories in life and about the issues you faced and the principals you learnt in your life and the questions you asked of the world and of yourself.

Yesterday was a n hour long conversation. It was the most beautiful conversation in that sense. I realized that I had grown up and alas (yes, I know its repeated) wiser. The whole conversation, I simply explained various situations in which I dealt with shit and how I dealt with situations and the experiences I got while growing up. The choices I made and the nebulous nature of life that I understood. Not once did I give an answer or a direction.

My friend was able to decipher for herself the meaning of what she was asking for me. I may give an answer, and maybe by sheer power of nature, it might be the best / right answer; but the real answer is always the one in which you arrive at yourself. You can ask for multiple suggestions, advice and experience but it will not count till you arrive at it through your thinking process. There is always a time for an answer to get inside your brain. I always tell Jispa – of course listen to me but more importantly – don’t listen to me. Learn on your own. Listen to me only to replay what I said later on in your life when you might realize its truth. For now, just store in your head. Appreciate the experience that I bring but then quickly discard it for your action. Then replay and hold the consequences against what I said – and decide what was right.

At the end of the conversation – I told – I sound like a guru nah? Not because I am right but because 60% of what I say, it is likely that you will forget. You will remember 40% of which half will turn out right. That is a total of 20%. Now that id worse than tossing coin for advice. The remaining 20% will never be fructified as you will likely be dead in the hope of seeing it come true. You will say – that this is true but I have just not experienced it yet. This is the true math of a guru. Say enough obscure far reaching sounding,  profound clouded, shitshat. 20% true, 20% waiting to be true and 60% forgotten. Say to a larger base and everyone will find their 20% and soon amongst the audience as a collective all 100% will be true – just broken up in each guy for their own 20%. Did you get the math?

But not the gurus are bad. You got your 20% right? And you felt you got your 100% also. So what gives… give the guru some dakshina, love him to death, put him on a pedestal and voila – you have found inner peace through randomization.

Inner peace is not that difficult to achieve. I also wonder what the purpose of life is. I guess there is no purpose really. So play board games and enjoy. Which I why I have been buying board games and playing them. I want more GAMES MORE GAMES. I have bought quite a few and I have a huge wish list on Amazon – I keep adding. I get some crazy joy in board games. Sit one whole day and play games after games, till the end and sleep. We were born on this planet to play games.

Life became far more bearable and the Machiavellism of the players became such a joy to watch, as long as you think of it as a game. Everyone has their reasons. They don’t align to yours. They never will. Align yours to yourself in harmony with the world and dingalangaling – inner peace!

Such an elusive concept. Also called in good ol’ colloquial hindi – bhaad mein jaaye. Or ‘go to to hell’. Simple.

odd man stands out

So how were the Nationals for Jispa. Haha.. I am sure she will never ever forget her first nationals. I am sure, we will never ever forget them as well.

The heats were scheduled for the morning and top 8 swim for the medals in the evening. I caught the 6 am flight just to try and be there on time. In spite of the Uber driver antics, I did manage to reach on time. As I came in I sought out Jispa and wanted to say hi to her. She did look out of sorts and a bit tense. She didn’t respond well to me talking and wasn’t interested in making any conversation. I decided not to interfere and let her be.

It was time for her to go for her swim. In the nationals, they call out and arrange the swimmers in batches of 8 at the side. Then one batch at a time they are lead to the starting blocks where they have the time to sit down and remove their track suits and be ready for the swim. It’s very professionally done with a lot of time given to the swimmers.

The lanes were called out and the swimmers stood on the edge. With the long whistle, they jumped into the pool to take their positions for the start of the back stroke 50 meter race.  Since the races are decided by touch pads, the start is a buzzer that the official presses. He says , on your mark, set and presses the buzzer. On Jispa’s most important race till now, I watched with baited breath as the official called out – ONE YOUR MARK… I think my heart beat faster as she was about to take off. GET SET. And off she goes… and then the official rings the buzzer; the rest then take off. Yup you heard that right. ON YOUR MARK. GET SET… Jispa takes off… and then the official rings the Buzzer. We are standing with all the parents from the Mumbai and a collective gasp is let off from our side. I am next to another swim father and we both hit our hands on our heads. Dam shit. Jispa has had a false start. In swimming it’s called a flick start. She flicked the start. By a huge perceptible second. She is bound to be disqualified.

Wow. A whole year of training and hard work and preparation and she flicks a start for the first time in her life. Never in her trainings, never in practice races, never in relays, Never.

I look away and look my friend beside me - she flicked the start! We tell each other. That’s it. We are done. Well well, no point seeing the race. I look back to see her finish. In the end she did swim a bad race in any case with timings worse than what she would have given. I smile. That’s the end to all this… the end to this year. The end. Now enjoy the rest of your holiday.

There is some silence in the camp.

When Jispa comes back to us after the race, I am smiling and holding the towel in both hands outstretched. She is smiling and she asks, “it was a flick start, right? Did I flick start”. Smiling, I answer her in the affirmative. I then wrap the towel around her and laugh while hugging her. “You flicked. Hahahahahaha. And it wasn’t like a small flick, it was the most horrible flick I have seen ever in my life. It was outrageous. Hahahaha” We both laugh. Jasmine showed her the video and she did not know where to look after that. She was laughing at herself.

I then told her its ok, this one was so bad that it was good. You didn’t do anything, I think were just too nervous and you just did something unnatural. Its ok. We made a few jokes about it and left it at that.

Jispa is a fair kid. She doesn’t cheat. She is not a perennial flick starter like some of the other swimmers. I think the nerves got to her. It happens to the best of us. First time nationals can do that to you.

There are few races that I remember of Jispa. The crazy ones being the ones she swam the relay and chased down the competition in the school race, to finish first by a hairs breath! She was fast and it was an amazing race.  This was one on the other extreme. The flick start just keeps playing in my head, again and again.

Well, memories. You remember the good ones and you remember the bad ones. Normal things are so forgetful. You have to have an odd experience for the experience to be memorable. When you grow old, you will remember these odd ones, not the boring life ones.

In many ways she probably gave me the most memorable swim race of my life, so far.

--

random other conversation

“kid in your class use bad words?”

“ya”

“bad words like F and all that”

“ya”

“do you give bad words?”

“no”

“why”

“I don’t know”

“you know its ok to give to bad words”

“ya”

“you know that I don’t mind if you use bad words”

“ya”

“you know that I use bad words in office and elsewhere”

“ya”

“how do you know”

“I have heard you give”

“when?”

“I don’t know, at times”

“ok. But you can give if you want to. I am ok… right?”

“right”

Oh…The conversations I live for…

top 1%

This weekend was a day spent almost entirely at home. I think I needed all the time to rest and recuperate from the hectic week I had. Saturday morning was spent watching Finding Dory – the second part of the crazy hit Finding Nemo. Finding Nemo was a lovely movie that we had watched years ago when it was released. Our favorite story is that when Jispa was very small we made her watch Finding Nemo and she was terrified. She cried through the movie and we just couldn’t understand why would a kid cry in a Disney movie. I guess the basic premise is very scary – Nemo is a baby fish that ends up being separated from his dad. That is a very scary proposition and I think it’s enough to give nightmares to young kids. When adults make these movies in animation, its possibly impossible to understand the effect it has on younger minds. How scary can it get? Jispa refused to watch so many animated movies till she was much older. We kept taking her in the hope that she would like at least one. I think in Ratatouille she scolded me in the scene where the main guy is taking the rat down to the sewers to throw it there.

Now I think I am done with animation movies. There are very few movies that are clear lovely movies that appeal to all without being preachy. I think the last ‘adult’ animation movie was Inside Out. It was a movie that was lovely to watch and understand and it beautifully depicted the mind of a person and how it can work. I think they had very highly regarded psychologists advising on the script of the movie. It was one cracker of a movie idea, far beyond the realms of average people. It came and went in India without even causing a flutter. Hardly anyone saw it or knew of it. By comparison the movie Jungle Book in its new avatar did very well. I thought it had a really bad story line and hardly any great emotional moments or camaraderie between its protagonists. It was surely a visual extravaganza with the jungle coming alive in realism animation. The trailers were magnificent and very tightly edited. It was meant for an Imax 3D experience. The Hindi version was also awesome with some awesome actors dubbing the lines, but still –the story and the interplay between the characters left me very cold. It did not recreate the magic of the original Jungle Book in my head.

Finding Dory was also similarly cold. Dory was a great character who brought a lot of stupidness to the mission of the original movie. A father is in search of his son and there is a stupid fish with short term memory loss. The whole contrast in the desperate situation made for a memorable story. Here the whole thing just died out and too many leaps of faith had to be made with the fish moving from one place to another, across land forms. I think this movie was a miss.

On Sunday, it was time to simply vegetate at home. In the evening, the city saw the monsoon setting it and the climate became lovely. I tried convincing Jispa to play something with me. Anything. Any game. We tried playing one round of battle ship which we quickly abandoned as it was quite boring. Then I convinced her to come with me for a walk. She only agreed if we went for a walk to crosswords the book shop near our house. I agreed. Down I pushed her to walk along the longer route via the garden. I am desperate to have longer walks with her. While walking we started talking. She is easier to talk to when we walk. At home she answers in monosyllables but while walking a conversation can ensue. We spoke about the upcoming kabaddi tournament and how I get damn frustrated when dealing with individuals. I told her that people just don’t like to change and they can innovate. You have to first say yes, it’s possible and then think new. I was speaking about the stadium experience and how we must enhance it. In India we stop everything from being taken inside a stadium. You can’t take anything inside, no food, no music instruments, nothing. I was telling her that we should have a carnival inside and outside the stadium, have lots of face painting artists free inside the stadium with only your team colors. People should have fun and talk about eth stadium experience. Jispa then remarked, that yes, exactly – otherwise people will slowly stop coming. Yes., Jispa  - you said something that 99% of India and especially the sport operators just don’t get. You need to allow people to take photos, share selfies, post online, get families and have a great time. I think and I have been screaming hoarse – we must get the women and the children, if they come in then the families are in. If you attract men, you sell one ticket if you attract the families then you sell four tickets. This is an air-conditioned auditorium, with the best setting to get the best crowd, but we end up screwing things up. We should have very fair priced snacks at the stadium and in fact have many more hospitality seats that allow for seat delivery of food. Simple snacks and peanuts must be allowed. Plus allow for players to meet the fans after the game. The experience must be awesome, enough parking and enough food and enough experience enhancing gimmicks. A well thought out plan. And then there is the in stadium experience. Encourage the crowd to get in early, have a flash mob, have a band playing and have people in the crowd with trumpets to cheer the team. I was telling Jispa that many years ago, I had watched a cricket game in Wankhede stadium. It was West Indies versus India. I don’t remember the game  or the score or who actually won. All I remember is that suddenly in the crowd one Parsi looking gentleman would stand up randomly in the middle of the game and play a particular tune on the trumpet. It was a simple 5 tone tune and he would play it and the crowd without any encouragement or prodding would simply shout “hey” at the end of the tune. He would emerge suddenly and he would then go somewhere else in a different part of the stadium and play his tune. He would come and go as he pleased. This was extremely entertaining and that’s what I remember. Why can’t we do that? We will have a lion (our Pune kabaddi team mascot) roaming around, but the mascot is not told what to do, he probably does not even know how the game is, he has no signature moves and he like an idiot only moves in the VIP areas. He should be the CROWD where there are hundreds of people not in the VIP area where you seat a few. He should be running up and down the aisles, dancing and prancing around, cheering the team.

But I guess we only know how to milk the cow, not create an experience. The great Indian sport tamasha is the IPL. This was invented by a marketing genius in London who with the help of research brought innovation to the game. Of course he made it 20 overs but he also brought in a few innovations like cheerleaders and the dugout. The dug out makes the team sit out in the field in one corner and not in the dressing room, it brings the players out in the open giving the fans more time to see them. Simple innovations bring about a greater joy to the sport. If you don’t have the crowds in the stadium it makes for a bad TV experience as well. People want to live the stadium experience on TV!

This is the simple truth about sports that people don’t get. You are fighting for entertainment money and every time you will listen to organizers talking about – the core audience, the kabaddi clubs and they rue that the crowd is not the same. How will it be – what have YOU done to create your fan base? What have you given them to love you as a team, how have you helped them enjoy and support the team. You just show up during the tournament and expect magic to happen. Where are your camps, meet and greet sessions, coaching programs etc?

It’s easy to skimp on all these costs and then wonder – WTF? People don’t support the sport.

You need to have loyal raving fans who take the game to the others and bring about a ‘Junoon’ in the stadium. These are the guys who will cry and scream for the team. They will follow the team across the country and create a noise and a cheer that will spur your team. But It requires effort and care.

Jispa and I were discussing all this and she added to the discussion and she got it. She also said that you must enjoy the stadium and you must do all the exciting stuff. She can’t understand why the organizers don’t get it. I was telling her that this is the most frustrating part of the work. Working with people who just don’t get it. I was telling her that she has a good brain and she has the ability to think. It puts her in the 1% of Indian population. She did not believe me. She thought at least 50% should be good thinkers to which I corrected her – no way – only 1% will be good thinkers. It is impossible to get more than this.

I explained to her about me being a secretary at Matunga Gym. In spite of all my ideas and all my efforts I could hardly get a few wins. There are so many egos and other issues at play. People just don’t think clearly and what you have is just a slightly better pool. I wanted to change the bathrooms and get the women to have the bigger bathrooms with better facilities but I couldn’t do so. People have issues with everything but if I wanted to change stuff, it would take a whole lot of time and dedication at my end and I would need to get involved with the politics of it all. So then Jispa asked – in your new job here, you can do what you want nah! “nopes” I can’t do what I want. Of course I have far more power here than what I had in my earlier job, but its still not an autocracy, I still have people that I have to work with, people that piss me off and dumb ass guys who just don’t get the point. I have to manage them and its not like I can fire anyone at will.

I don’t think even an entrepreneur can do this. You can try and surround yourself with the best minds you find, but then you cant really grow. When you grow and scale you will have to take calls and get stupid dumb people on board. They will fill your system. Else the other option, run a consulting service with exactly 4 employees. But here to get anything done you will require to deal with clients who are dumber and you have ass lick and get your payment. After all if he were so smart why would he need a consultant. So the real real option is to work where you find the least amount of these jokers in your life. Accept that these jokers are a reality. People will not understand odds and people will refuse to accept mistakes and admit failures and repent. People will do stupid things all the time. Understanding that and living and making some amount of peace with it is critical to sanity.

Stupidity is just one angle to it. Insecurity mixed with stupidity is a Molotov cocktail. But that is another angle for another rant for another time.

Till then just live with the stupidity around you and try to reduce it. Very few people read, very few listen and very few change. Try to read, listen and change. Believe that you are wrong when you start the conversation then only can you change and then only will you improve and then only will you remain less stupid. DO IT!

brain wash?

This weekend Jispa went for a birthday party. It wasn't actually a party. Just a get together of close friends for some time out. Most of the time, when these girls get together, we parents wonder what they do behind closed doors. The door has to be closed with them in a room, when they are having a ‘party’. Whenever any adult opens the door, the only thing they see is that the girls are on mobile phones. Either they are together on one or they are on their own individual ones - but the point remains the same. They come together only to be in their own world. the parents go nuts on this.

I am beginning to understand this as a reality and that this will happen. There is no force as stronger than the mobile screen with an internet connection. This will rule and the kids will move in that direction. I wonder when we mean irritating parents will give Jispa a mobile phone. Currently at these parties she takes the iPod and does her thing on it. My individual opinion is that it must be allowed and how long can we really resist it. Soon we will lose sight of our daughters face and we will only recognize it by the mobile cover, whose back we will see at all times.

So yesterday, Jasmine at the dinner table remarked “yesterday, Jispa went for a birthday party. She did not have a gift or a greeting card or anything in her hand. She just went on her own”. I looked like i couldn't care less. I think parties and birthday greetings are a complete waste of everything! “then Jispa said” Jasmine continued “that she will post something to her on her birthday”. I was like fat chance. Jispa was not going to post any greeting card or anything. I am sure there is no way Jispa will mail a card to her friend or write a letter/ greeting. Then Jasmine and Jispa looked at me. POST does not mean POST as I understood it. Jispa would “POST” something on the Instagram feed! WTF. POST. I feel like a complete loser. Whats the point being a marketing head who claim to fame is digital integration, if he does not even understand what ‘POST’ signify. Sees.

Then then conversation soon moved to something else and Jispa was talking about what a ‘taaweez’ was. She said that basically its a prayer that you write and wear it on your body. Yes, muslims have this tradition of wearing a taaweez. I had seen a student of mine wear one around her hand. I think, I am not sure, but its a sufi kind of thing. Even non muslims wear this. then she asked even if ‘raksha potlis” have a prayer. Rakshapotlis are the jain version of the taaweez. They are red threads along which a little red cloth is tied. I never did know what they contained. Jispa asked if its a prayer. I said, for sure its not… I have opened one and it doesn't contain a prayer for sure. Its just little red cloth tied on a red string.

A quick online search tells me that it contains some holy ash (i didn't know jains had special reverence for fire) and that is put along with special chanting of prayers to the red cloth and then made into a rakshapotli. 

The I told her that as a kid, i really believed in the power of a rakhsapotli. I thought it would protect me and save me from a lot of things. I thought that it held special powers and that God would be on my side. She looked at me and remarked “you were such a brainwashed kid, weren't you”. Jasmine and me practically choked on our food. “Jispa you have no clue. We have purposely not taught you religion else you would have been brain washed ourselves. Its lucky for you that we have unwashed our head from all this brain wash.” Jispa disagreed. She said most of her friends in class are non believers and don’t believe in all this. I don't think the number is as high as 50%, but i grant her that. When i bought about he remark, I guess it possibly is true.  A lot more would be non believers today than what would have been when i was younger. Possibly today life is mare more practical and scientific. Slowly as we see economies growing and people getting educated with science and math, practicalities and scientific temper should pave the way for a less religion society. Its possibly a natural evolution. First as you are poor, you are too poor for religion. Then you are poor enough to understand religion and that some mystery will guide you. Then you become richer and you keep your kids rooted to religion and then as kids take their life’s predictability for granted they slowly understand that religion was not responsible for it and slowly - this mix of science and predictability brings about a non belief. So economic status brings about predictable life, which brings about change in belief. Thats one theory I guess.

So yes, we were brain washed as kids. I did believe in divinity and that it could help me someday over come the power of the forces around me. It took enough of shit and set back to understand that you are responsible for your own shit creek. The more you look inside of you, the better it will be for you. God may be an external force to focus upon and rely upon to make sense of a world . Fatalistic behavior may help you reconcile with your externalities but I don't think divinity helps. You decide your own path, your own morals and your own lines and boundaries. Hopefully you don't harm too many people along the way. As long as you only kill dogmas you should be good!

yo!

just as an aside - here is one trailer that we saw and now Jispa and us want to see the movie 

I love the trailer - with the voice of Kaa being the lead voice of the trailer. Wow… I am queuing up for this one.

Its a nice thing that Jispa like the super hero movies, like Avengers and X man. With new scripts and amazing special effects these are movies worth waiting for and watching on the big screen!

Finally!