Dream Swim

50 mtr backstroke gold, followed by 100 and 200 mtr silvers at the state meet and hence winning the right to represent Maharashtra as a campion at the Nationals; while being at the youngest in the age group spanning three years. It some real proud achievement for Jispa and for us as her parents.

Being a swim parent is a full time job and even more so for Jasmine. Take them to the pool, to the doctor, to the physio, get them food, sleep everything. It’s a crazy schedule that needs to be managed to the tee. As a father, I have to pull my weight, by getting up in the morning and taking her to the pool and then on weekends helping around with Jasmine at the swim events. And especially removing time for Jispa if she needs help in her studies. The mother is a crazy full time job with the menu and everything else. Today as I stand, I can’t believe how it can be done without Jasmine being at home full time. So, when a colleague was talking about how he wants his daughter to do well in sports, I tried to explain the enormity of the whole thing to him. It’s not easy to bring up a sports kid in Mumbai for now.

Which got me thinking. If in the future we see more and more, the rise of the double income household and the working mother and as a consequence will we have the breakdown of this support system that gives rise to children who can perform at a higher level? I had this thought for exactly two seconds. TWO FREAKING SECONDS. That’s it. I can’t not have these stupid thoughts. There is no choice to that. But what is in my control is how I react back to my own thoughts. Any stupid conservative guy will bemoan the death of the family and that the future of children would be lost and hence they would put stupid rigid controls in place. Get the mother to stay at home. Ensure that the greatness of the family tradition is maintained by ensuring status quo. In exactly two seconds (I am so proud of myself) I laughed. Of course not. There is no way that argument holds. At the first level itself, no one should tell the parent on how to raise their children (unless there is some serious abuse). But then, let’s keep that argument aside. At first, the argument looks tenable right now as I see it. Yes. You require a stay at home mother to really help in bringing up a child that aspires to do well in sports as well as studies. The ecosystem outside does not really help foster all round development without the active total involvement of one full time parent. But then saying no to the choice of the mother to work and be productive and to do what she wants is also not there. A working woman can add so much productivity to the nation’s workplace. What will happen is that women WILL join the work force, they will have children and they will have aspirations of them. They will want them to succeed and do more. At this time, they will be ready to spend more for them as they earn much more as a family. At that time, the ecosystem will automatically develop to allow for all the support required. This is the classic case of demand finding supply for itself over a period of time. In the short run, there will turmoil and pain but slowly more and more will be trained in the skills that are in demand and the market will emerge.

This is the simple belief in the markets being able to best allocate its resources by itself to things that bets suit it. Hence in fact we must allow all men and women equally to make their choices and not choose for them. The collective power of the market has to be believed in. This will free people to make their choices and push towards what they want.

Sometimes the government must step in if the private players fail to understand the power of a public good. Things that will help the society at large but is largely unnoticed or is commercially unviable. But then that’s it. The society must learn never to say no and never to put artificial barriers to choice. A barrier to choice in many ways a barrier to progress and is something that we must understand as a society.

Coming back to raising a kid, and that too a sports kid, is a very tough thing to do. You have to focus on sports but at the same time you have to keep an eye on studies. Nutrition is another big thing as well. Now as Jispa grows and turns 15 this year. She will have to learn to pull her own weight at home. I have been after her to now pull some. So far I think both Jasmine and me have protected her from the drudgeries of household work. We never made her party to the work to be done around home. As a kids growing up, I have washed vessels when the maid was not there. Every evening the servant would wash the vessels and leave them to dry. As kids, we had turns to dry every vessel and keep them in place in the evening. We had to make our own beds and also had turns to wipe the table. We had to clean the grains, peel fruit and everything else around the house. It wasn’t tough at all but it was boring and no fun. Jasmine and I have tried not to pass it on to Jispa. We have done the work ourselves. We hardly give Jispa any work compared to the stuff we did as kids. And it’s not just that we have an army of servants who do it. It just that we realise that as a kid most of this is boring. Also to be fair, Jispa with her swimming schedule and her studies never had the time to do much more. But now her exams are over and her vacations are on. She has plenty of time and she must now learn to contribute. I give her the table to clean, I ask her to help me while I help Jasmine in the kitchen etc. I think she needs to learn some basic life skills and house work. Jasmine’s view on this is similar and she has smaller asks. All she needs is for Jispa to finish her own work. Pick up her things, eat her foods, pack her own bags, keep away her stuff etc. Just do your own work and that itself is good enough. Jispa is a fine kid though. She understands but she can get exasperating when she has momentarily lapses of madness.

It’s been an awesome achievement on her part. To be a state level gold medalist and to manage studies and to read and everything else. I think we as parents are in danger of being heavy pushy mad parents. We think we are not. We try not to be. We try and achieve what we can and we try and push where we think its absolutely necessary but we are as always, ever in danger of breaching the tipping point.

But hell, let’s not take away from some real awesome glory that our young one has achieved. It’s a bloody gold at the State meet to qualify for the nationals. A bloody freaking gold. That’s something. It’s one the proudest moment for us as swim parents and as parents in general. Jispa is not a natural swimmer, she has worked hard to reach here and done tons of rigorous practice. Jasmine has devoted the last seven years towards this. It’s a big one. This is something that I say with pride and I look up to. It’s an amazing achievement. I am going to cherish this one for a long time to come. State level gold medalist. Wow.

While on achievement, I read an interesting poem that talks about the achievement and how over a period of time, it probably counts for nothing. Greatness too turns to dust in long run. Hah.

Jispa – you did well. It is one of the proudest moments of my life. I guess by that logic I mustn’t have lived too much, but in your life, I lead mine. And in the end just remember the poem of Ozymandias. Look him up. It’s a very interesting story.

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land, 

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone 

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand, 

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown, 

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, 

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read 

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, 

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed; 

And on the pedestal, these words appear: 

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; 

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! 

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay 

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare 

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”