pass

Have you ever died? In the recent past?

Jispa had her sea swimming nationals on Monday. A few weeks back the coach had announced on the group that the competition was there and that we could take part. Jispa has never taken part in a sea swim and we were surprised that she was interested. I called up the coach and asked if it doable. He said not to worry and he said he would organize a training session soon enough.

We took the kids along with the parents to a place off Alibaug. We took a boat a few kms into sea and got the kids to swim. There were two boats for safety. The kids jumped in and started to swim. These rae powerful swimmers. They could simply just start swimming. After some time I was tempted. I had packed my swim shorts just for this. I changed and told Jasmine that I too wanted to jump. She of course thought that I knew what I was up to and allowed me to jump. There was a kid along with me, Krish. Krish is a regular swimmer and for some reason he swam a little and then came back on boat. I told him that I will jump along with him and that we should try again. Seeing me, he agreed and we jumped in together. I think he waited for me to jump and then followed.

All it needed was a little encouragement from my side and the boy was all home at sea. I hadn’t carried my swim googles. Which are the most important thing was sea swimming as they protect from the burning salt getting into your eyes. I had borrowed Krish’s google which were way too tiny for me. I could barely see in them. As a result of which it was a painful swim and I just couldn’t get myself to put my head in the water and I started swimming with my head up.

Krish in the meanwhile was way ahead. He is a powerful swimmer. Jispa was way ahead and there were a couple of kids behind me. I knew one parent was swimming at the end and so was one coach. Soon I began to tire. Especially with my bad stroke. My shoulder tired off first with all the head up strokes. And then I saw the boat which was beside me, speeding ahead. I have two bad knees and kicking to stay afloat while standing is also a pain.

That was the end. I died. Or was sure to if I wasn’t smart enough to give up now. I waved frantically for the boat. Non one was there to see me. They were too focused on the kids. I saw a couple of good swimmers passing by and I simply shouted ‘help’. In an instant I realized one thing. If these swimmers pass me by, then I would be the last and I would surely drown. Surely. One swimmer came up and held me. He asked me “do you have cramps?”. I simply said yes. who was to explain that I hadn’t anything but fast depleting bravado inside. He held on and a few shouts later the boat turned around and came to pull me up.

So yes. I died. Some egocentric part of me. Some bravado in me and something else.

A near death experience (small & tiny) is important in life. At about 40. I think when you are younger, it’s just an adrenaline rush. When you get older you realise what it means to die. As a kid I once ran across the road to fall in front of a screeching car. I remember seeing the tyre close to me. I must have been in the 2^nd grade or something. The image of the tyre is still fresh in my head. When I went to dubai recently, I think I saw the place near where it happened as well. Or at least I thought it was there.

I remember my first realization of being scared to die. The first time I was startled and worried about death came to me in a funny way. I walking on the platform and a train came behind me silently and honked very close to me. Wow. That was scary. I have no clue why it was scary but it was. I remember being in college and thinking that this was the first time I was scared of dying. I reasoned that now with Jasmine by my side, I had something to cling onto life. It difficult to peep into your brains and understand more but all I remember is that, it was the first time I felt I knew what it was to be scared of death

I still wonder what it would be like to die. I wonder, what it would be to have a terminal disease. I wonder what it would be to be faced with sure and clear death. The next day after my stupid drowning attempt, I swam in the pool. It was a tough thing to do. I kept thinking about the incident at sea. Now also a week later, when I think about it, it’s a suffocating feeling. I don’t like it.

What it would be for the soldiers at war, constantly being bombarded with bullets flying off in all directions. When I played paintball once in a shootout competition, I realized that danger can come from all sides. It is stress full to be in such a situation when you have bullets coming at you. I think that’s why there is the brian wash of deep and crazy patriotism and huge stress on obedience, else why would anyone just go like crazy into war facing bullets and death.

Some amount of brain washing is completely necessary. That’s why we also have life after death and that God will call us and love us. Now that I am an atheist and completely agnostic towards the concept of a patriotic nation state, I wonder if I will be brave enough to die. Hahaha. Brave enough to die, is it? It should be read as “foolish enough to be brave enough to die”.

So that’s my little scrambled brain moment. If I die who will cry and for what? It easy to get too philosophical about death. As I stepped out of the pool, I kept thinking about my experience and how profoundly it might change me only to have another (very crucial) part of me, slap me hard and make me smile. You idiot.  Stupid people or protagonists in movies have death experiences that change them. I don’t think that just because I am dying or I faced death, I must change my life. I am smart enough to be healthy (habit wise), I am smart enough to know my choices and their consequences and I am what I am.

Being a dad is also a weird experience. When Jispa was taken in a boat to the middle of the sea for the competition, I was also completely confused. I did not know what to feel. It is a dangerous thing, the sea. Vast endless sea. I had a little feeling inside of me that I will lose her. What on earth am I allowing? But at the same time, I have to. If she doesn’t do it now and if I don’t encourage her now, then when? What yaar. Such a wild thing life is.

I was telling Jasmine, that once a year, I want to go alone and travel. All alone, but only for one day. Full stop. Then come back. I can’t handle more without family. Sometimes, Jasmine wants that as well but I guess she can stay for a few more days alone.

But yes, I seem to have become a little more philosophical for sure. I look at myself and smile. This too shall pass Jaimit. Soon you will be normal again. Yes the mind will settle down soon enough and be clear again. Time to let it pass.

One thing keeps coming to me again and again. My dad got his first heart attack at the age of 45. I am 43.

kneed some more love

Jispa had an assignment in English on Elon Musk and his 120 hour work week. Ya. It’s a bit of a tough thing to keep a 120 hour work week going. I work five days a week and I think I can manage 60 hours. I come to work by around 815 after dropping Jispa and then I get back home after 9. I think I am overdoing this but, right now there is a magnitude of issues hitting and it would take at least 2 – 3 years to sort some of the issues.

2 – 3 years. Yes. One of the things that I have learnt over a period of time is that work in large organizations take time. I have seen this company since 18 years. The calls taken 18 years ago come to haunt us afterwards. It takes that long to unravel the mess caused. With large heads sitting everywhere, it’s a time consuming effort to unravel the whole thing. You also need to hire right, put the wheels in motion and then you start seeing the efforts. Patience.

But thing is about work life balance. Work life balance. I don’t know about it. When I go home I try not to work. On weekends, I try and largely succeed to stay off my laptop and work. I figure that I spend so much time in office that I don’t need more time to give it. I was speaking to Jasmine and I was explaining the sexy work that I was doing in office and how I was pushing a young kid to do it. Even on weekends. My belief that at 43, I wish I had a chance to push myself at 23. Life would have been different. Hence that’s why I have figured that it best to push the kids at work. I now have little or no regret to see them working on weekends or late at night.

Someone asked me if I was a workaholic. I don’t know. The definition is “a person who compulsively works excessively hard and long hours.”  I think the key word is compulsively. I work hard and long hours but I don’t do it compulsively. I am happy to not work. Right now we have to achieve much and do much and that’s why I work as hard as I do. It definitely not for the simple joy of working that I do it. I would much rather not work so hard. I would rather go home, watch a movie, run around, swim, and play badminton… whatever.

Coming to which. At the start of the month I had the good fortune of going to Israel on a work trip. It’s a lovely country and the people have shown what a resolute bunch of people with no shared national identity but a shared religion and a sense of a shared history of persecution can do. Jews around the world have come and set up their land and lived together creating a thriving country from nothing more than a desert. As every Israeli will tell you, they sleep with their one eye open. They are hated by their neighbors who would like to finish them off in an instance. It’s a global melting pot. Especially thanks to Jerusalem, which is the holy place for Jews, Christians and Muslims, all together in one crazy tight part of the city.

This character of making the most from less and the cut throat competition coming in from immigrants all over the world, make Israel a culture you can only learn from. They always want to make the most from the least. Their products are top class thanks to their legendary investments in technology and the fact that they don’t have enough people or resources forces them to design products that are simple to implement and self-serving. It’s difficult to explain in terms of tech but the simplest example of this is in irrigation. They are country who invented drip irrigation. A perfect example of irrigation technique that uses less water and people for the maximum impact.

I went running there, every morning. I travel very badly when I am without family. I sleep late, I laze in bed and just generally I am a grumpy guy. So I decided that with my new found passion for running, I should pack my running shoes and kit and go running there every day. We were staying next to the beach promenade and that would definitely be an added reason to go running every day. So I did go running religiously. It was great run. Beach side, water points along the way. Lots of open gyms. Everyone running there. It was awesome. I saw a lot of locals playing beach volleyball on the nets laid out for the people. It was the perfect recipe for disaster.

In the evening after a lovely swim in the Mediterranean Sea (bucket list tick) while passing the beach, I couldn’t help but notice some locals goofing around. We started playing with them. They were playing volleyball but like football volley ball.  The kid came out in me and the bucket list number 2 kicked in. We joined in and a few stunts later, I fell in pain. I have been taking care of my right knee for so many years. It keeps getting dislocated and I keep putting it back. This time around, while attempting, god know what, my right knee gave in. Oh freak. It didn’t dislocate but it did twist enough to give me problems. It went for the rest of the trip.

When I was back in office, I was gently trying to kick some kid in office when my knee buckled in again and I feel to the floor. It was time to go to the orthopedic surgeon. An x-ray and an MRI later, the verdict is out. I have severe ACL tear. In both knees. Which means surgery, one by one in both knees. Okay. That is fun. It also means being out of action for almost a year from most sports. Oh shit. In way I was / am really disappointed. I was doing great. I had restarted running and I was doing 6 to 8 kms at one stretch without too much effort. I could have gone on and on for long. But as Jispa was counselling me “don’t regret it. You did go out in style.” Ya. I sure did. Now what. Well surgery will follow. They supposedly take my tendon and stretch it to become a ligament or something. It’s a minimal invasive surgery. Also there is the matter of a meniscus tear in the right knee that requires shaving off. Sigh.

I have always looked at the bright side of things and while at it, I thing this knee thing was a blessing in disguise. I had so far refused to see the orthopedic. It turn out that if I don’t get this fixed now, I might have needed knee replacement at 55. That would have been pretty painful I guess. At 55!

On another note. We have been enjoying our new home quite well. We seem to be lazing around at home most holidays. Stepping out for a quick meal nearby and watching Netflix. It’s a neat big house that I might have dreamed off, all my life. Neat and tight. The big TV in the hall also seems perfect, as we lounge around and watch Netflix and Amazon Prime. And the best part – we have kabaddi season starting soon.

Kabaddi is the thing that we family bond over. Especially when we understand the sport from close quarters and get some inside dope. Fitness has come to kabaddi and we now are seeing the benefits of this in the players as they get better. It has been a lucky break for me in my life. Things that come to you just because you are open to new experiences and learnings.

Dream Swim

50 mtr backstroke gold, followed by 100 and 200 mtr silvers at the state meet and hence winning the right to represent Maharashtra as a campion at the Nationals; while being at the youngest in the age group spanning three years. It some real proud achievement for Jispa and for us as her parents.

Being a swim parent is a full time job and even more so for Jasmine. Take them to the pool, to the doctor, to the physio, get them food, sleep everything. It’s a crazy schedule that needs to be managed to the tee. As a father, I have to pull my weight, by getting up in the morning and taking her to the pool and then on weekends helping around with Jasmine at the swim events. And especially removing time for Jispa if she needs help in her studies. The mother is a crazy full time job with the menu and everything else. Today as I stand, I can’t believe how it can be done without Jasmine being at home full time. So, when a colleague was talking about how he wants his daughter to do well in sports, I tried to explain the enormity of the whole thing to him. It’s not easy to bring up a sports kid in Mumbai for now.

Which got me thinking. If in the future we see more and more, the rise of the double income household and the working mother and as a consequence will we have the breakdown of this support system that gives rise to children who can perform at a higher level? I had this thought for exactly two seconds. TWO FREAKING SECONDS. That’s it. I can’t not have these stupid thoughts. There is no choice to that. But what is in my control is how I react back to my own thoughts. Any stupid conservative guy will bemoan the death of the family and that the future of children would be lost and hence they would put stupid rigid controls in place. Get the mother to stay at home. Ensure that the greatness of the family tradition is maintained by ensuring status quo. In exactly two seconds (I am so proud of myself) I laughed. Of course not. There is no way that argument holds. At the first level itself, no one should tell the parent on how to raise their children (unless there is some serious abuse). But then, let’s keep that argument aside. At first, the argument looks tenable right now as I see it. Yes. You require a stay at home mother to really help in bringing up a child that aspires to do well in sports as well as studies. The ecosystem outside does not really help foster all round development without the active total involvement of one full time parent. But then saying no to the choice of the mother to work and be productive and to do what she wants is also not there. A working woman can add so much productivity to the nation’s workplace. What will happen is that women WILL join the work force, they will have children and they will have aspirations of them. They will want them to succeed and do more. At this time, they will be ready to spend more for them as they earn much more as a family. At that time, the ecosystem will automatically develop to allow for all the support required. This is the classic case of demand finding supply for itself over a period of time. In the short run, there will turmoil and pain but slowly more and more will be trained in the skills that are in demand and the market will emerge.

This is the simple belief in the markets being able to best allocate its resources by itself to things that bets suit it. Hence in fact we must allow all men and women equally to make their choices and not choose for them. The collective power of the market has to be believed in. This will free people to make their choices and push towards what they want.

Sometimes the government must step in if the private players fail to understand the power of a public good. Things that will help the society at large but is largely unnoticed or is commercially unviable. But then that’s it. The society must learn never to say no and never to put artificial barriers to choice. A barrier to choice in many ways a barrier to progress and is something that we must understand as a society.

Coming back to raising a kid, and that too a sports kid, is a very tough thing to do. You have to focus on sports but at the same time you have to keep an eye on studies. Nutrition is another big thing as well. Now as Jispa grows and turns 15 this year. She will have to learn to pull her own weight at home. I have been after her to now pull some. So far I think both Jasmine and me have protected her from the drudgeries of household work. We never made her party to the work to be done around home. As a kids growing up, I have washed vessels when the maid was not there. Every evening the servant would wash the vessels and leave them to dry. As kids, we had turns to dry every vessel and keep them in place in the evening. We had to make our own beds and also had turns to wipe the table. We had to clean the grains, peel fruit and everything else around the house. It wasn’t tough at all but it was boring and no fun. Jasmine and I have tried not to pass it on to Jispa. We have done the work ourselves. We hardly give Jispa any work compared to the stuff we did as kids. And it’s not just that we have an army of servants who do it. It just that we realise that as a kid most of this is boring. Also to be fair, Jispa with her swimming schedule and her studies never had the time to do much more. But now her exams are over and her vacations are on. She has plenty of time and she must now learn to contribute. I give her the table to clean, I ask her to help me while I help Jasmine in the kitchen etc. I think she needs to learn some basic life skills and house work. Jasmine’s view on this is similar and she has smaller asks. All she needs is for Jispa to finish her own work. Pick up her things, eat her foods, pack her own bags, keep away her stuff etc. Just do your own work and that itself is good enough. Jispa is a fine kid though. She understands but she can get exasperating when she has momentarily lapses of madness.

It’s been an awesome achievement on her part. To be a state level gold medalist and to manage studies and to read and everything else. I think we as parents are in danger of being heavy pushy mad parents. We think we are not. We try not to be. We try and achieve what we can and we try and push where we think its absolutely necessary but we are as always, ever in danger of breaching the tipping point.

But hell, let’s not take away from some real awesome glory that our young one has achieved. It’s a bloody gold at the State meet to qualify for the nationals. A bloody freaking gold. That’s something. It’s one the proudest moment for us as swim parents and as parents in general. Jispa is not a natural swimmer, she has worked hard to reach here and done tons of rigorous practice. Jasmine has devoted the last seven years towards this. It’s a big one. This is something that I say with pride and I look up to. It’s an amazing achievement. I am going to cherish this one for a long time to come. State level gold medalist. Wow.

While on achievement, I read an interesting poem that talks about the achievement and how over a period of time, it probably counts for nothing. Greatness too turns to dust in long run. Hah.

Jispa – you did well. It is one of the proudest moments of my life. I guess by that logic I mustn’t have lived too much, but in your life, I lead mine. And in the end just remember the poem of Ozymandias. Look him up. It’s a very interesting story.

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land, 

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone 

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand, 

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown, 

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, 

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read 

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, 

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed; 

And on the pedestal, these words appear: 

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; 

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! 

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay 

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare 

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

across the spectrum

Sports a great thing. but understanding sports is an even greater experience. I have been lucky in that my dad was always encouraging us to play sports. We had a club membership in Dubai and when I was of age (and of wage) I invested in a membership that is paying me huge dividends. Now we have Jispa, who is bringing another angle to the sports discussion in the family.

While I have been playing sports for long, I first started understanding the mental aspects of sports only much recently. I guess it all started when I started playing in the team as a captain. I forced to think about the game and not only of my game. It made me aware of my game as well. It helped me think completely different about sport in general. Post which I have tried to understand and bring the brain into other sports as well. I have played cricket, squash, swam, run and a lot of badminton these days. The more I understand any sport the better is the understanding of sport in general. Over a period of time one understands different sports but is able to draw a set of lines going across all sports.

For example let’s take the head. The head position is so critical in sport. As a general rule, the head position must be as stable in sport. The head position maintains the balance and posture. It helps you see better and your hand eye work great. You don’t fall over while playing and you play with a firm balance. It also helps you recover better. I have seen this is batting, bowling, fielding, badminton, squash, billiards, TT… everything. Natural athletes typically don’t move their head too much. It’s only the eye that follows a moving object. Very little of head movement is done. Swimming is also similar. You keep your head stable as much as possible and you only turn enough to breathe. As little movement as possible. While I was being coached for swimming I realized that the head position is also critical for maintaining a position that keeps your body afloat. You don’t look ahead; you don’t look down – you look at an angle that is roughly 45 degrees ahead. This keeps you afloat.

Recently Jispa attended a swim camp organized by Rehan Poncha. Rehan was one of the Indian swimmers at the Beijing Olympics. He is now running camps and trying to fund his golfing career. He is very good with the kids and he basically is giving tips on land training, stretching, followed by swimming drills and then a talk on nutrition, mental preparation etc. one of the things he explained was to have loose muscles. Keep your body loose then they move faster. Hands if kept loose move faster than if they are tight. That’s an interesting thing. It works well with what my coach was trying to show me to do while swimming as well.

Now one of the things that I can’t do in badminton is smash hard. As in – I can but I don’t do it consistently enough and I only do it from far. If I am close to the net I try to rely on placements and not on power. But that’s not enough to kill a point. I am always worried that I will hit the net and so to avoid an unforced error I tap the shuttle. This then extends further and then I stop smashing altogether as I realized today. I just refused to smash. My partner then looked at me and begged – Smash kar yaar. I do have a decent smash when I pull it off. Then I just out of the blue decided to loosen my muscles and try. I remembered what Rehan said. Keep them loose. And then boom boom bang.  A flurry of smashes later my friend exclaimed – Your smash is back. We won five points in a row with my smashes. Just keep them loose and let it go.

Cross sport understanding is a great thing. You have to keep the basics simple. Its always the case. Placing is important in squash and the similar principals work in badminton. Head position is crucial, less movement, more balance.

Such is also in life. You learn from everywhere and anything. You have to understand and know a lot of stuff. This helps you think clearly and apply lessons learnt from one to another. Of course it obvious that to apply you have to exposed to a lot. That’s what I always try for. As many exposures as possible. I try and expose Jispa to various experiences and I try and expose myself as well. Anything new – worth doing once or twice. At worst – the worst experience will tell you what you don’t like about the experience. The principal is simple – if you have enough exposures you will have enough learnings. You must be curious at all points of times. We had a management meet recently with some psychometric tests thrown in. I went off the scale on the curiosity parameter – and the shrink was telling me that I have a practically insatiable appetite for learning. Yes of course. Insatiable. Constant and always on. I will try and learn every second and form anyone and from everything. It drives me crazy but it’s the only thing that keeps me sane. Hah. After a long time – opposites reconciling.

with a song on my lip and a stroke in her head

https://soundcloud.com/shraddha-radio/rave-lutionised-sheila-ki

Listen to this

I asked Jispa whether there was a song stuck in her hjead this time around. She said ‘no’. normally she hates me singing and especially before a swim. She says that the song gets stuck in the head and she finds it extremely irritating. And if I sing it then it gets stuck in my ugly tune. So she hates hates it. Normally I like to irritate her and continue to sing till she gets really upset but this time I didn’t dare to try. This time my baby was participating in the ultimate swim marathon. This is the third or fourth year that she has had the chance to take part. The last three years, something or the other had always come up. A cousin’s function, school sports day… something. This time she was it.

But since she has had a shoulder injury she hasn’t been training as intensively as before. So no morning swimming and a lighter workout. Around ten days back while I was discussing with the coach he had told me that he is sending Jispa for the marathon. That’s cool by me. I did not think much of it. I assumed Jasmine knew and I thought it was some time away. Jasmine came to know only a couple of days earlier and she was quite hyper. A MARATHON and I don’t even know she is participating. She went into overdrive, read all she could and tried to be ready for it.

For me the holy grail of all sports is not the sprint but it’s the marathon. A test of brute will power. The ability to keep fighting yourself, your muscles and your mind. A lot of things that keeps telling you to stop and something that keeps telling you to go on. I have run a few long distance runs especially thanks to the NCC training I got. The longer the distance the greater the will power needed. You are essentially running yourself. There is hardly any competition that you see. I had told Jispa that to my mind this is the best race for me. I will be by your side. We were held up in traffic and we missed the first time trial and we caught the second one. Jispa very easily lapped her nearest competitor. Then the girl in the lane next to her tried keeping pace with Jispa even though she was 50 meters down compared to Jispa.

Jispa started very well, she paced herself and took easy strokes and at a pace she thought she could sustain. I spoke to her coach and we agreed that it was sign of a strong mental makeup. Normally I don’t cheer, but this was a long race. 160 laps of a 25 meter pool. She went on and on. I saw that she saw me looking at her and I tried cheering her, egging her on. Before the race I had told her that I would be busy playing temple run. If you see me waving my phone at you then it means I am playing temple run while you kill yourself in the pool. Good natured laughing and ribbing later, while she walked to the starting block, she told Jasmine to tell me not to make her laugh. So when I was cheering her with a phone in my hand, I saw her laughing. Her coach told me ‘she is laughing’. “ya, that is at me. There are many pressures already on her. At least I removed the one that a father puts. We are having our private joke’.

It’s a fine line putting pressure and asking / pushing your child to perform. I told her it’s important to race this one, don’t worry. I was sure she could do it but at the same time I explained to her “see, if it pains think a little. If your muscles are paining, then carry on, that’s a good thing to fight. But if your shoulder injury acts up then stop immediately. You don’t want to injure your shoulder. Its ok.” but I wanted her to compete and wanted her to finish. So we kept cheering her on. She kept looking at me and I kept walking along the sides, making actions, urging her, asking her to stretch. In the middle she was telling something to Jasmine. I went to one end and she shouted out to me – its cold. Winter in Mumbai and we had unseasonal rain that day. The weather was cold and the Khar swim pool where this was held is on the third floor, near the sea line. This is known to be the coldest pool in Mumbai. I kept saying, its ok, fight it, it’s worth it. I not sure how much of my shouting she registered but she surely could see me encouraging her.

She and the girl in the lane adjacent kept pace with each other. Both trying to shake the other one out, pushing each other. It was a fine battle to be seen. But thanks to her start she was 50 meters ahead and it stayed that way till the end. So in the second time trial she finished well ahead of the pack. If we had made it in time she would swam with her seeds and would have had a better timing. She finished fourth overall with a time of around 63 minutes. Wow. I know guys in my office (and chicks) who just wouldn’t be able to even walk that much in that time.

But what struck me is that the other parents put so much pressure on the kids. Some of the other medal winning kids were sitting glum. Because their parents were unhappy with their timing. WHAT. I wanted to shove them into the freezing pool and check their reactions. After Jispa came out she said she couldn’t feel her arms. Her arms from shoulder to wrist were frozen and she said in the middle of the swim she couldn’t feel them so she was jerking and throwing them to wake them up. Now that builds character. She got out and we rushed her to the changing room for her to relax under the hot shower. In such circumstances can you say anything to your kid? I don’t know. I can’t say thing else but ‘awesome job’. I cant understand, after completing a swim like this shouldn’t you be basking and soaking it all in. After all you just swam four kilometers in an hour.

I am sure if she had swum in the first time trail she would have finished amongst the medal tally. But freaking cares that much? It’s ok. I am happy. Possibly this was a blessing. This was good. At that level these kids start pushing each other and the undercurrent of competitiveness comes out and who know – an injury! So we are especially happy parents.

I told Jispa “really well swum. And I don’t normally say it, but yes, you swam really nice.”. She also said “ya, I know you normally don’t say it. Thanks. You really liked my swim”. “yes”. Awesome.

I asked her afterwards if she did see us. Yes. And she took encouragement from us. she laughed as she thought I was teasing her with the cell in my hand. Well I wasn’t, but hell, did the laughing helped? Ya. And the walking up and down as well. That was like a pace clock. So that’s good. She couldn’t hear anything but she knew I was encouraging her. Was that good – yes it was perfect. Thanks. And at the end – was there a song stuck in your head. No. then what were you thinking? I had told her to think of a marathon as a meditation exercise. Keep trying to correct your position. See your arms, body legs. Keep swimming and try to be technically correct. Get your rhythm going. She said “I kept thinking about my strokes and kept trying to keep them going good”. What more can I ask for.

this is how you do the tumble turn. The fun is when you have to do it 160 times and every 45 seconds. You have to blow hard when you turn over else the water goes in your nose. So you cant be out of breath during the entire 4 kms.

This one is just for kicks!

baazi haar kar bhi baazi jite....

Monday morning we went for the athletic training. Jispa has joined once a week training to complement her swim training. It involves a lot of stretching and some jogging. The lady in charge makes us run two rounds of the racecourse, which is around a little less than two and a half kilometers. I run with Jispa almost as a pace setter. I keep her running; keep egging her on, let her keep a pace. It’s fun to run together at least once a week.

Around a year back I stopped competing with her in swimming. With a dive I could just about match her timing for one 25 meter lap. But around a year ago she beat the shit out of me. With a dive and without a tumble turn I was beaten crazy, and I was huffing and puffing while she was looking and me and smiling. One more round? Buzz off. No way.

So I am happy that at least in running we are starting off together and we train together. This way at least I run with her and share some pain of the sport together. I push her and she pushes me. Once the coach asked us to go for a sprint. While coming back it was great fun pushing her. She is a bit competitive. She is silent and yet I see flashes of competition, nothing of the chest thumping aggression but a desire to push the bar at times. I like that. That race was fun. Towards the end, she went fast, then I went faster, she pushed, I pushed harder… there were at least three such bursts before I won! Yay.

Now this started off a competition between her and me. So every time the coach gets us to do a round the last bit becomes somewhat of a race. This time the coach asked us to run two rounds. The first one should be slow and easy – 17 minutes instead of the normal 15 minutes. And the second one must be faster. Jispa is a horrible starter. She starts complaining the moment we start. My stomach is paining, my ankle is paining. Then she goes too slow, then she will have a shoe lace to tie. She starts really bad. I keep encouraging her. Then at the mid-point she does better and then at the end she finishes strong.

This funny schedule spoils my running style. I like running consistent. So at the start I am forced to run really really slow, which is tiring. So we did the first one slow. And with the winter just about setting in on the second round I got a bit of a congestion…. And something went haywire. I started breathing really hard. I guess I need to restart my swimming to get back into clean breathing systems. But it was really bad at the end. (okay okay – these are all excuses – genuine but excuses)I asked Jispa if she wanted to start the racing bit. She said – no later… I was ok. we do it later. When the last 100 meters were being covered – the little rascal started to run faster. She suddenly moved up a couple of gears. I Pushed my self… and that’s it – there were no more change of gears – she just ran off. I looked and tried but had no reserve energy left – I couldn’t attack. Dam it – where did she get this reserve after running 4 kms? I lost this race. Now she whips me in running as well. that felt really really good.

But now I am waiting for the next one. This time I hope to have clear lungs and nasal passage and this time I will start the race a bit earlier. And I want to beat the shit out of her. I don’t like losing as well. Her aggressive streak is also there in me (that was a bit of an understatement).

Sport has a funny way of showing people’s inner demons :) . It exposes you to a side of personality that normally stays hidden. Not just for yourself but also for others. Running with Jispa is exposing a side of her personality to me. I had suspected that she had this streak but was not sure about it. We always have told her – you need not win – do your best. But I have seen her push herself in different situations. Relays are one place where her timings are the best. But this aggression which is quite, well directed and focused with a kick to win an interesting race…. That’s a nice one. You don’t need to win all the races you participate – only the ones you love to. Choose well :)

Just for record – the second round was 13 minutes.

run

Today I ran.

Jispa has been doing pretty good at her swimming. She recently beat a whole of top draw players to emerge as the silver in the back stroke. She’s also been clocking good timings in the rest of the strokes. This is a good thing. We have been thinking about starting her land training as well. Basically the theory goes that you need a secondary sport to augment your swimming. It helps you develop other muscles than those worked for swimming. Earlier Jispa was doing her taekwondo in school until a change of teacher ensured she hated the sport and she stopped it. Jasmine and I were searching for an alternate.

The running bug has caught up with a lot of people and thanks to this a lot of running athletes have become/ started taking running clubs / coaching schedules. Jispa has been amongst the top runners in her standard. But her running style is quite horrible. Her jogging style is also quite bad. She runs taking extra-long strides making her action a kind of jumping hop run. Her jogging is a scrape at every step. Nevertheless she is fast and hence she was selected for her interschool.

I have tried teaching her to run in the past. She always over corrects and I am left frustrated. I surely don’t know how to teach to run. She is better off without me as her running coach. So having no option we took Jispa to a running club with a coach. Hopefully she may learn and it’s a form of a land exercise. We hope it works well without tiring her out. On the first day she ran while Jasmine and I took a stroll. Seeing the runners I was motivated to start running myself.

I love running and I love the rhythm and the fact that it’s such a simple way to push your body. I love it. But I had to give up running after my knee kept dislocating on the slightest provocation. A jump or a false move or any such aggravation. I tried being active by swimming and playing badminton. I have learnt to be more careful and avoid certain movements. But I hate not being able to run, especially run fast.

So today on the second day I gathered courage to start running as a part of the club. I thought I could surely keep pace with Jispa at the run. I was so scared. In the morning I woke and spent an agonizing five minutes trying to gather the courage to run. I almost did not make it. It was a scary fight I had with myself. Finally I decided I can run. Stay in control and run, I told myself.

At the ground I stretched with Jispa and started jogging. It’s a bit of rusty leg with running muscles being dormant. They required a bit of coaxing and I was jogging with ease in some time. I refuse to put extra pressure. I felt nice with the little that I was doing. It’s a start, a lovely start.

I hope to continue with this for some time and see where it takes us. No big hopes, no promises, just simply picking up the bits of my ability and my knee and starting to run. It’s a big thing for me. I love to run and I was denied my love for some time now. And now thanks to Jispa who knows– I may be able to run again. Afterwards during the morning I could feel the muscles around the knee, as if they have got a good exercise. Let’s see how this dam thing progresses.

I want to run, I love it. It’s going to be tough and I hope I don’t screw it up. The trick is to understand the limits and work within them. It’s a delicate balance.