you win some... you lose some (sigh)

What a shit pot of a month. I have hardly had the time to write anything in the blog. Today has also been possible only due to the fact that I am in my other office one hour earlier than I am due. Part of me wanted to some in early purely because it gave me the chance to write something. And like most days – this too starts with random babbling without really knowing what I will write and where will I reach. The blog has been a process of self discovery taking me to the deep recesses of my mind that I wouldn’t have accessed otherwise.
Yesterday I got a chance to catch up with a collegue from the UK. We would have hardly met a few times. Possibly twice or thrice, but we have managed to build a decent relationship purely online. One of the few instances of building a sweet relationship within office collegues and that too long distance. Very rare. This lady got to know of my blog through my Facebook account and ended up following it regiularly. After my Facebook account got swamped by ‘friends’ and relatives (both mine and my wife’s) I got that bit of information removed from there. The last thing I want is my wife’s cousin coming up to me and saying – hey nice blog. Yuck. Sometimes it easier for strangers to know about you than acquaintances. Funny world. It’s a koan.
I have always been pretty open on the blog in the safe knowledge that idiots at office will not read. Some idiots will always know about it, get to know about it, but reading a blog regularly? Reading anything regularly? Hah! Shit pots don’t read anything. Even if it was shoved down their throats. My new team is no exception. No one who would really read. I find that queer that if your boss read so much and spoke at every opportunity about reading and from the books he read, then why would you still not take up. I recommend the right books, even told them this time that I would pay for it. But I guess it’s a losing war. That’s why I stopped lending books to anyone. They all want to borrow but no one, NO ONE wants to read anything.
How did I get to this rant? I was talking about this real sweet colleague of mine from London. Speaking to her this time, I was reminded about another sweet colleague at work. These sweet women have gotten this Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. They are really sweet people but have such a hard ball attitude at work. For both of these women whom I really like, when they talk about work, their back straightens, they lips pucker up, their natural smile goes away; the anger and firmness and tough attitude is palpable. Uff. I have always believed that in corporate life you slowly slowly lose your soul, or rather SELL your soul. You lose a part of you that is essential to you. You know it’s there buried in somewhere, the sweet good natured lady with a golden heart and a desire to love and be loved. Simple earthy desires. But dam, I feel so bad when the switch happens from love and laughs to anger and , and, should I say attitude.
So I try and always talk to them. Once a senior whom I respect once told me, that Jaimit, I have known you for 7 years now, the innocence you first had on your face is now lost. That’s when I realised it that ‘yes’, I too have been selling my soul. But I have been trying since then not to. To retain what is essentially me and don’t get sold to these slave traders. Easier said than done. Fighting these instincts every day to survive. At least I try to ensure that those I work with and something that I see worth saving, I do my bit to save.
I know I have no business to play Guru, but people have lost soul thanks to the people around them who make it imperative to do so. People will reward that behaviour and laud it to only reinforce it. I have decided never to encourage this. I will try my best to get these sweet people to be sweet. First thing I do is tell them that they are really sweet. And I love them for it. But more importantly I then try my best to behave in a manner that really brings out their sweet caring nature and refuse – fatly refuse to deal with them when they slip back. For some it works like a charm and for some... for some they have tipped over. Nothing I can do about it. They have lost the ability to trust anyone at work. They view with suspicion everything, everyone.
Well you lose some, you win some. But what gives the right to do this to people and take moral calls. Nothing. I have no right and no duty. But I feel love is an emotion worth saving. I am not good enough to spread love to all. I am only adequate to spread love to those I see with a glimmer of it. I cant fight them all but at least I can make a difference to a few who are receptive.
The colleague I met yesterday for breakfast was amazing. She is a lovely ‘girl’ when talking about food, her boyfriend, her desires and a tough nut tight ass when she talks about work. Wow! What will you do? Talk only about ... everything but office. Am I manipulating people. No. I am only attempting to show them what they are best at and what they actually are. Let down your mask, I mean no harm lady.
Why only ladies. I don’t know. Possibly I work/ relate better to ladies? I don’t know. Possibly the men switch easier. They let their guard down and get it up pretty fast with other men. The women have a process and possibly the flips are more polarised. I don’t know. But I sure seem to notice this more with women than men. Men bonding is different. Just a pat on the back and a common joke is enough to flip. I don’t know. Its worth a thought.
But these lovely sweet women make office life colourful. They have the capability to add so much love in office and change the workspace. They can actually be catalyst for a nice productive and caring office culture. As a boss, it is my duty to do it and spread a culture that I think allows people to go home with happiness in their heart. Hopefully it will eject all the counter cultures fast enough. People either start loving and start caring or just ship out.
One of things I have noticed is the anti Gandhi syndrome. Like Einstein said - Generations to come, it may be, will scarce believe that such a one as this, ever in flesh and blood, walked upon this earth. So many people wont believe a good thing even if they stare at it in the face. They don’t believe it if you are good to them. No can be, there had to be an ulterior motive. They seem to hate you if you are good. It only feeds their hate and anger. You are an ass and a pretence. No one can be sweet and good. It like all these who bash Gandhi. They refuse to believe the good in the world and best of all – I feel so many even refuse to see the good in their own hearts. So sad. But what to do. One starfish at a time....

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On another note – someone was asking me why I drive a hatch back (Hyundai i ten) and my wife drives a bigger sedan (Honda city)? Well my counter is that – my wife’s husband is a Head of marketing in a big bank, but I have no such luck.

It resurfaces time and again.

jispa meets gandhi

We went to join the family gingbang in Ahmedabad to be a part of the surprise 25th year anniversary. The cousins there are fairly sweet. He is my first cousin and the 25th anniversary celebration would give you an idea onto the wide age disparity between cousins.
This was on my dad’s side of the family. Here I am the youngest son of the youngest brother. Hence I am the baby of that side. In many ways I am treated by some of my brothers in that respect. At 35 I get my ears pulled. Literally :D. It is quite a nice feeling. It was also a chance to experience Ahmedabad and used the free time before and after the party to catch up on stuff.
One point on our agenda was the Sabarmati ashram there. It is a beautifully serene and calm place. The vibes there were very calming. One can only imagine what it could have been like 60 to 70 years ago. I liked the smallish memorial that explains Gandhi’s stand on various issues and charts out some of his actions. Also I could not visualise without Richard Attenborough’s movie coming into my head. It did well to help me visualise the scale of his actions. Here is Jispa in front of one of the exhibits.

It is an icon by itself. I think the handwriting is an integral part of making this iconic.
While the section was informative on Gandhi’s life I think it misses a lot by being merely a poster exhibition. There is little else to make the place come alive. it seems there is a sound a light show in the vening but we did not inquire about too much as we had the party to attend in the evening. Also I guess Gandhi as a man had little to own and hence there would be very little to exhibit, at least as afar as personal artefacts go. There were replicas of many letters that he wrote and received and prints of the same, but I guess seeing the real thing beats having to see a replica. Jispa kept asking “is this the real thing’ and we had to keep saying it is the replica. I don’t what we humans have for it but I do enjoy seeing something very real as opposed to the pictures.
Like the Delhi museum showing what is believed to be the actual remains of the Buddha. On my god. I went crazy seeing them. I couldn’t believe that we have the actual fragments of the Budhha himself. It made the Buddha come alive to my mind. From being a part of mythology there is suddenly flesh and blood to my vision of him. And I was within 10 inches of them.

There in similar vein, I was also very happy that they had not completely cordoned off the hut (above pic) in which he stayed but actually had it open to all visitors to come in and experience it for himself. It felt great to be in a place where the man him self had been / lived. These things make the legend in our minds come alive. I was happy to take Jispa there. I guess it would have made it come alive for her as well.

The big let down was the souvenir store. Yup, they have a store there. It sells prints of old photos, wooden charkhas, all possible books and some pens and badges etc. there was nothing that could be a modern interpretation of Gandhi. Something that someone younger would actually buy to keep the image alive. Also nothing to wear. Not even a khadi kurta. The books were also arranged so shabbily and displayed with poor light and shelves. It made for poor browsing and poor experience. Next door was a library in even worse shape. With dusty interiors, bad lighting and cobwebs that too did not inspire any confidence. While some of the exhibits were smart and interesting enough to explain Gandhi, there was nothing to interpret him in today’s life. Hence no matter what any one says, lage raho munnbhai must be lauded for its attempt. A simple zone where Jispa would have access to movie clippings, possibly cartoons, drawings etc… that would have created a lasting impact in her mind. A simple concept like untouchability was something I found difficult to explain to her. It was written in depth on the exhibits and the complexities that Gandhi faced were also explained but explaining that to an 8 year old was pretty tough. What does it mean? How did he fight it? What were the repercussions? I think I tried my best. Years of talking to Jispa as an adult have borne fruit. She can understand complex stuff that I try and explain to her as plain as possible without talking down. She is also quite comfortable in a museum and knows how to entertain herself in it. But a little help, possibly at worst an audio tour would help tremendously. And why can’t we design audio tours for kids. Punch in your age as well before proceeding and you get the right thing for you. Why don’t we do this?
I tired my best on Saturday. I hope it brought it alive for her.
As a closing note I leave this for you – said of Gandhi by another legend himself.

Gandhi paid me a visit as well

Ghandhigiri works. We have been after one office collegue to check the mailing addresses of a client list and send it back to us after verifications. This was pending for more than a week. Enough follow up and mails were sent to push this. Today I got involved and asked him to send it. This was at around 12. 15 pm. He promised me the data in 15 minutes. I told him I would catch him at 12.30 pm then. He said, sir, thoda time do, I will take some time. Ok then I will catch you at 12. 45pm. He asked for more time. I said, “Fine, I will see you at 1.15 pm”. Deal closed.
At 1.20pm I catch him. He says “sir I need some time, you eat your lunch, I will send the mail”. I said, “Now nothing doing. I will not have lunch till you give me the data”. Then I proceeded to collect my dabba from the door and put the thing on his desk and loudly proclaimed. “Till you give me the data, I will not eat my lunch”. I then walked away leaving the big red bag on his desk.. In ten minutes he called out to me and said “I have sent the mail, can you collect your dabba from here.”
Sure it was all friendly banter and I outranked him, plus I have a great relationship with him, but I firmly believe the dabba sitting in front of him helped speed up the process. And I really did not have to use any other coercive powers, or write to his boss, or threaten him or use my brownie points. A good fun gag with social pressure did the trick. Good fun and laughs for all as well.

it works

What a tiring weekend. With Jispa’s cousin coming in there was never a dull moment. If there were any hopes of missing a second kid in our lives – those were happily squashed. One is enough. Two multiplies the issue a billion times over. Most of the emotional energy is expended in resolving conflict. Expecting the elder one to behave like an elder one and the younger to also let go.
On the first night they started fighting for using the same bathroom for bath. Believe me, there is nothing in the dam bathroom to fight for. Being the hosts we pushed Jispa to not in demand bathroom. She was upset with us. I then started talking to her. The good thing about Jispa is that at least she listens even when angry. I gave the big shit dialogue of ‘atithi dev bhava’. That got her a bit calmer. What was it? I explained that even in Sanskrit there is a saying that treat your guest like god as they have come to your home. This is also what Gandhi taught us. If he is being silly then we must be good. Only by the power of demonstration can you teach your others to behave better. They will not listen or notice, but slowly they will see what t is to be good. Then they too will respond in kind. That is the only way. You must start by your sacrifice.
As soon as they came out all clean and ready to sleep, the conflict on which bed to sleep on reared its ugly head. Both wanted to sleep on the bed on top. Jispa looked at me and then said ‘Siddhant, you tell where you you want to sleep. Anything is ok. I can sleep down.’ Instantly Siddhant replied ‘anywhere, I am ok down as well’. Jispa looked at me. It was working. It works. The rest of the weekend we saw more such gandhigiri to amazing results.

It did spread peace and harmony. Sometimes we dont realise the futility of conflict, be it between cousins or countries. Here is one amazing statement I really loved.

...ek soch hai

Third post in a row which has soch (thought) in the title... what does it say about me, my mood, the times we are in???
On Sunday we were at the place called veg falafels at colaba. We ordered a falafel and sat down. Normally the service is quick. After all it doesn’t take too much to make one. This time we waited a bit. I asked at the counter ‘what happened’. ‘sir, the falafel bullets (fried fillings) are being fried’. Ok. Then he screams across the counter ‘sir ka balls fry ho gaya kya?’ translation in English – ‘have you fried his balls yet?’ Well I sure hope not.
Jasmine had a funny observation on Saturday. We sent to see the movie Billu Barber. Nice one. We saw it in Cinemax at Sion. We had aisle seats. The seats were so jammed that if anyone were to get past it would be a complete mess. There is no way to get past without jamming you knees and feet. There were a bunch of guys next to us. First they came a bit late, squeezing inside. Then they decided to get up soon after. Huge inconvenience. They return with bagfuls of popcorn and slurpys. This time I ask them to wait. Jasmine and me get up and let them in. I was talking taking any chances on him tripping over me with the sugary slurpy in his hands. They mumble their appreciation. As we are seated jasmine whispers into my ears. They are from Delhi, she says. Hmmm… ya ok. She goes on ‘only someone from Delhi will say thank you instead of sorry when you make someone get up.’ I almost fell off the chair. The only thing that kept me there was the tight fit of the rows. Jasmine can amaze you with sharp observations from time to time.
On another note, I was talking to Sonal (she works with me). She was talking about the hot new thing catching up with wannabe parents. Genetic engineering to ensure the perfect kids. You can choose the hair color, isolate the gene for obesity etc. you know the works. She was quite aghast and was soo against it. I thought about it a bit. Being the ever so moderate that I have become I replied ‘hmm. Why you so surprised? Sure I think this genetic thing is a bit under-researched to try out on kids but, why are you so against it? We try and mould our kids into our thought processes and try and raze perfect kids in any case right now. The concept of planning kids, when to have them, is a new fangled concept. I am sure our grandmothers would have been aghast at the very concept that kids must be planned. They are gifts of the almighty and happen on their own. Today we seek out perfect kids with what we have. We try and make them into ideals that we have set ourselves. Do remember that perspectives change with passing generations. Allow for change. The core need is the same. The solutions differ. Also I have learnt to be less critical of change. Time and again, attitudes have changed. What was unacceptable in the past is matter of fact now. A bit of moderation is what I preach now. Sure have your opinion. But a bit of salt please.’
I was reading an article in the Tehelka which had a critical piece on Gandhi. The writer (S Anand) gave tons of examples of Gandhi versus Ambedkar(not exactly 'versus', but read on...). “Gandhi was essentially a social conservative. This was BR Ambedkar’s main charge against Gandhi for his endorsement of caste and varnashrama dharma”. If it is true then he is probably right. It did make me feel a bit confused about my view on the great man. But then I realized my folly. Do I like Gandhi as a person or is he to me an idea. To me Gandhi is an idea. There are, there would be many examples of him not being correct. But as I have said, those were different times and thoughts must be judged in the perspective of surroundings and eras. Even if they were really regressive and wrong, so be it. That cannot take away from something that I find true. You are entitled to your Gandhi and I am entitled to my. After all Gandhi is an idea. Another example – Jack Welch. Yup – the GE guy. You can take what you want from him, leave what you dislike, but please don’t vandalize what you don’t want. I might agree with him completely but I sure learnt some stuff from his books. As also the movie Sarkar which had Amitabh as playing the title lead – Sarkar ek soch hai.

Gandhi, my father, my daughter

My interest and my understanding in Gandhiji’s philosophy and way of life had largely been triggered by Freedom at Midnight and then through his own ‘Satyagraha in South Africa’ finally culminating (for the present) in ‘the life of Mahatma Gandhi’ by Louis Fisher. All three have made great profound impact in my life. Layer that with the movie Gandhi that we must have seen umpteen times in childhood, and what I have is a vivid image in my mind about his life, mission, ideals and what not. I am trying to understand his ideals I am truly impressed with what he stood for.

I got my hands on the movie recently again. Yesterday I watched Gandhi with Jispa. Jispa (5 and a half) is normally quite sensitive and can’t even watch a Disney classic without being moved. She does not like sad animations. Violence in movies is just not her. Nevertheless when she came by my side, I let watch after warning her that this has a lot of fighting. She has learnt about Independence struggle in school so I guess she was curious.
I kept explaining to her what was happening. She followed a lot on her own. She kept encapsulating what she understood from the movie. The speech in South Africa declaring non violence as the chosen path. She kept counting the number of times he went to jail. Around four times I think (in the movie).I then tried to explain to her the defiance of the Salt act. I was explaining to her the importance of Salt. Funnily this was the first time she realized that mummy puts salt in all the food. She did not believe it at first. Mummy had to confirm the same to her. She realized the power of styagraha when the Indians bravely took the blows while trying to get to the salt pans. She saw jallianwalla baug as well. For a sensitive kid she did a lot of growing up. She was then completely freaked out when she realized that after Independence Indians were fighting amongst themselves. She knew Gandhiji taught not to fight and that is being more stranger than hitting back, but she did not know how to react when we Indians were fighting amongst ourselves.
In the end when Ghandhiji was shot she asked ‘who shot him? Was he a foreigner’, no I replied. “he was an Indian?” “ya” I replied again. “why did an Indian kill Gandhi?” she always thought it was the British who beat him, jailed him and more or less hated him. “because he did not like him” I answered. “but I thought all Indians liked Gandhi”. “no sweetie, some didn’t. So he shot him”. “Gandhiji died?” she asked emotionally choked. “Ya” I was choking my self. We looked at each other, half choking half holding back tears. We both tried a brave smile, looking at each other for support. We were actually supporting each other. Jispa grew up a bit, I grew up a bit. It was a truly special moment for me.
Trivia - I first understood the power of Gandhi from my dad. I remember having a long conversation with him on non violence before I was converted.

lessons from the Mahatma

Gandhi did two things. He made the British people aware that they were cruelly subjugating India, and he gave Indians the conviction that they could, by lifting their heads and straightening their spines, lift the yoke from their shoulders. After that, it was inevitable that Britain should someday refuse to rule India and that India should some day refuse to be ruled.
The British beat the Indians with batons and rifles butts. The Indians neither cringed nor complained nor retreated. That made England powerless and India invincible.

I have lifted the lines from the book “the life of Mahatma Gandhi’ by Louis fisher. The autobiography is a n amazing account of an even more amazing life. What a book. The book ranks high amongst the books that could change your life! Better than the screwball/ cornball philosophy that Paoulo or his ilk dish out. This book must be read as a part of a four part series, I think. The four being ‘freedom at midnight’, this one, ‘Satyagraha in South Africa’ and ‘My experiments with truth’. The last two being Gandhiji’s own.
Its amazing how we learnt the history of independence and about Gandhi’s life without really understanding it. No history teacher could teach us his life, history, passion and ideals. We learnt little, understood nothing. Another line I read somewhere - Those who don’t learn from history are condemmed to repeat it.
While reading the books I think of two movies. One of course is Gandhi by Richard Attenbourogh, and the other funnily enough is lage raho Munnabhai. The first brilliantly portrays his life and second one is exactly what one goes through after reading a lot of his works and understanding his life. It cannot but move, it cannot but plant a seed of change in you and it cannot but force you to think.
I have always believed that every book gives you one key message. That’s all. One key message. One cannot hope to understand more than that. The key message from this book is- ‘supreme clarity of thought’. It is amazing how one man with supreme clarity of thought can accomplish so much. Wow.
I remember in school days I had a big debate on non violence v/s violence with dad. He got me convinced on non violence. This was in 9th standard. I used the argument to write a much appreciated debate speech on the same topic. There is a big reason why I never got to make the speech in public, but then that’s another blog. If Jispa ever has the debate topic, she definitely knows the books to refer to!