an old boy's tale

My brother put his lovely old parsi cupboard in my garage. Well actually half of it is his garage and he kept it for ‘safe keeping’. Since both the garages are connected and in front of the building, the building idiots often take our garage for their community dinners. This time they took the cupboard and put it behind in a corner of the building. When my sis in law came to take it, she was shocked and so were we. Somebody had painted it white! Jasmine was sure someone was trying to flick the cupboard by painting it white. We raised a stink with the supervisor and he promised to get to the root of it.

I remember as kids we used to play in front of the garage space in the buildings. The garage that we were playing in front of was abandoned and in a mess.  Then one day on a mission – you know how kids are – we cleaned up the entire garage and threw the mess. It was awesome. Now we could play properly. Some idiot then promptly parked his car. So we bought some paint and wrote on the wall that parking your car is not allowed in here. Now that was something. We did not know whose garage it was and whose car it was… we just took charge. After a few weeks, the actual owner came in and then got inspired to put a gate there and was about to stop us from playing in front of his garage. Only timely intervention by his neighbor and a friend of ours who told him that we cleaned it in the first place allowed us to continue playing. It’s pretty stupid.

Back to the present. We later came to know that the kids painted the cupboard white. One of them apologized to me. I let him be. Kids… vandals…. Yesterday as I was parking my car when I saw this kid who came in and was opening the door of this cupboard. I asked him what he was doing. He said it was his cupboard. I argues with him that it was ours. He said ‘it is ours. We even painted it’. oh dear. This was a throw back  to the garage days. We just took ownership of the garage and took charge and cleaned it. these kids were doing the same  to our cupboard. They did not mean to vandalize. They meant to clean it. Oh dear.

It good that I remember my childhood. Of course I did not shout at them. But I did give them a smallish but cute lecture. I don’t want them in my garage. They scratch the cars… but its good that I remember J

Here is the legendary cupboard. they did try their best!

bitch

I don’t want to be in the fight. Oh dam it. This father business is painful. Yesterday I was in the fight and scolding my daughter for something I wasn’t even sure I want. She needs to sleep as she needs to wake up in the morning for swimming. Instead she was reading a book. She went in the other room saying that she will come instantly when it’s time to sleep and till then she must read. I called her and yet she continued to read… Dam it. She needs to sleep but double dam it – she should be reading as well. Reading is good for you. But if I don’t interfere there is tremendous pressure on Jasmine. Jasmine is right now in cool off mode. She just ignores transgressions. She is like do what you want – I am tired of you. I don’t want to tell you. you are now old enough to know and handle this on your own. I am in the middle saying – no. she is not old enough, you have to keep the pressure else they won’t learn now.

So instead I get involved and do what I need to do, or rather what I am forced to do. I don’t want to be the authoritarian disciplinarian. Yesterday half way through the scolding I was losing faith in myself. But I need to get her to sleep. That is critical now. And it’s not that she won’t. She will sleep in 30 seconds of closing her eyes. If I don’t push it then Jasmine will erupt. She will burst. She manages Jispa every day, that’s a bloody tough thing to do.

So this time around Dad had to put a stupid stone on his chest and go for it. At the end of it, I looked at Jasmine and told her that this is getting too much for us. She looked at me and said, relax – one more week till the state meet and then no more morning swimming. Whew! Relax.

You know I want to be the cool guy. I want to be the guy that people love to have around and who is relaxed but if I do it all the time things would go off. The other day was the first time I had to tick a couple of kids in office off. These two would indulge in gossip all the time. Every time they would be sitting and chit chatting. I would make a joke about it and get them to work. But it would be of no avail. Then I let it rip. I got them into the room and gave them a dressing down. If they want to gossip then this is not the place for it. Every time getting together and talking in hushed tones is not the culture I want. Be loud about what you say. You can’t keep talking secrets.

I hate this secret culture. You always see these unsecure people wanting to talk secrets in office. Then when they are talking they keep looking behind their back or over their shoulder or around when they talk to you. I find that really dumb. Why do you need to talk to anyone and look around you? What is it that you are hiding or don’t want others to hear. Sometimes Jispa’s friends piss me off. They will talk to the other girls but while looking around. That is so secret secret behavior. Luckily Jispa shows no such signs nor doesn’t care or gel with this kind of stuff. Its so pissing off.

In my team I would like to root out such behavior and stomp on it. Talk, criticize but in front of the person. Don’t bitch so much, especially if it’s your team member. When someone bitches to me about someone then I assume that one will bitch about me to someone else. Tread with immediate caution!

its just a game, is it?

I was reading one blog on my reader. It is called Ulterior Motives and is authored by Art Markman. In this particular post he talks about the effect of violent video games. (link) The long and short of it is “These results suggest that video games can actually create a curriculum for teaching aggressive and risky behaviours. Unfortunately, they do not provide a good outlet for anger and aggression. Instead, they reinforce anger and aggression and allow players to transfer that behaviour to the real world.”

One would assume that this is nothing new. We all knew this. Violent Video games promote violent behaviour. Ditto with movies. But slowly over a period of time we have let the violence increase in the content we consume. So Sholay which was extremely violent when it released 35 years ago would be pretty average by today’s standards. I don’t assume most would even think about the violence. Possibly we are now blind to it. It is a matter of every day routine.
While growing up us boys faced a huge shortage of steamy pics to ogle at. No internet to get your fix. Here the Mid Day mate which was a daily picture of a scantily clad woman in a mainstream afternoon daily was the best we could get. Any one who had the Mid Day would be obliged to share the third page for our voyeuristic pleasures. I don’t think it really matter today with a surfeit of it in various forms of digital media.
There is a joke doing the rounds on SMS – it talks about how romantic mushy movies spoil women expectations and then adds that porn does the same to men.

I would assume that media does impact human minds. The stuff we see does leave us with impressions that we carry forward. I would only assume that games would create greater impression than a movie. For one the time spent might be larger and two – you take on the role play that rewards excessive behaviour. Whatever the reason, I might argue that it is ill advised to leave too many unattended games at your kids door step.
The problem here is accentuated by the fact that parents might see these as merely games. My son is just playing video games. How bad is that?
One kid’s party we went to was celebrating his birthday. He might have been around 7 years old. A sharp kid with a keen eye. It seems he loves playing games. All sorts of games, board games, video games, outdoor games. He picks them fast and beats some of the elder players. His dad got him a PS2 for his birthday. Very cool. I don’t approve but I guess its ok.

There that’s him with his gift and you can see the PS2 to his right on the back.
While just flipping around his presents I chanced upon the games his dad bought along with. His enthusiastic dad just bought the device and asked the vendor to give the popular games. I am not sure if he specifed the age of eth recipient, but I am quite sure it wouldn’t have made a difference to the vendor. The top most on the pile was….


There. There were a few more like these ion the pile. Can you see the rating that is there on the CD cover. Would you give a movie with that rating to the child? nopes but a game. What wrong with just a game? I nudged his dad saying the game is meant for elders. His dad said, “arey my son is good at games. He plays the games meant for elder kids very well. He goes to other friend’s house and beats them at the games. He is good.” Err… what do I say? “This is not that kind of elder games. This is really elder games. The kind that has not so harmless content in it”. I did not know how to explain the stuff but Grand theft auto is not exactly a paragon of virtue role play. I don’t even think it has a grey side. It’s the cool other side – period.
I am not sure if the penny dropped but I dropped the topic and carried on. It was not his fault. He wasn’t too aware. He merely thought they were games. How easily is this misunderstood or glossed over.

...ek soch hai

Third post in a row which has soch (thought) in the title... what does it say about me, my mood, the times we are in???
On Sunday we were at the place called veg falafels at colaba. We ordered a falafel and sat down. Normally the service is quick. After all it doesn’t take too much to make one. This time we waited a bit. I asked at the counter ‘what happened’. ‘sir, the falafel bullets (fried fillings) are being fried’. Ok. Then he screams across the counter ‘sir ka balls fry ho gaya kya?’ translation in English – ‘have you fried his balls yet?’ Well I sure hope not.
Jasmine had a funny observation on Saturday. We sent to see the movie Billu Barber. Nice one. We saw it in Cinemax at Sion. We had aisle seats. The seats were so jammed that if anyone were to get past it would be a complete mess. There is no way to get past without jamming you knees and feet. There were a bunch of guys next to us. First they came a bit late, squeezing inside. Then they decided to get up soon after. Huge inconvenience. They return with bagfuls of popcorn and slurpys. This time I ask them to wait. Jasmine and me get up and let them in. I was talking taking any chances on him tripping over me with the sugary slurpy in his hands. They mumble their appreciation. As we are seated jasmine whispers into my ears. They are from Delhi, she says. Hmmm… ya ok. She goes on ‘only someone from Delhi will say thank you instead of sorry when you make someone get up.’ I almost fell off the chair. The only thing that kept me there was the tight fit of the rows. Jasmine can amaze you with sharp observations from time to time.
On another note, I was talking to Sonal (she works with me). She was talking about the hot new thing catching up with wannabe parents. Genetic engineering to ensure the perfect kids. You can choose the hair color, isolate the gene for obesity etc. you know the works. She was quite aghast and was soo against it. I thought about it a bit. Being the ever so moderate that I have become I replied ‘hmm. Why you so surprised? Sure I think this genetic thing is a bit under-researched to try out on kids but, why are you so against it? We try and mould our kids into our thought processes and try and raze perfect kids in any case right now. The concept of planning kids, when to have them, is a new fangled concept. I am sure our grandmothers would have been aghast at the very concept that kids must be planned. They are gifts of the almighty and happen on their own. Today we seek out perfect kids with what we have. We try and make them into ideals that we have set ourselves. Do remember that perspectives change with passing generations. Allow for change. The core need is the same. The solutions differ. Also I have learnt to be less critical of change. Time and again, attitudes have changed. What was unacceptable in the past is matter of fact now. A bit of moderation is what I preach now. Sure have your opinion. But a bit of salt please.’
I was reading an article in the Tehelka which had a critical piece on Gandhi. The writer (S Anand) gave tons of examples of Gandhi versus Ambedkar(not exactly 'versus', but read on...). “Gandhi was essentially a social conservative. This was BR Ambedkar’s main charge against Gandhi for his endorsement of caste and varnashrama dharma”. If it is true then he is probably right. It did make me feel a bit confused about my view on the great man. But then I realized my folly. Do I like Gandhi as a person or is he to me an idea. To me Gandhi is an idea. There are, there would be many examples of him not being correct. But as I have said, those were different times and thoughts must be judged in the perspective of surroundings and eras. Even if they were really regressive and wrong, so be it. That cannot take away from something that I find true. You are entitled to your Gandhi and I am entitled to my. After all Gandhi is an idea. Another example – Jack Welch. Yup – the GE guy. You can take what you want from him, leave what you dislike, but please don’t vandalize what you don’t want. I might agree with him completely but I sure learnt some stuff from his books. As also the movie Sarkar which had Amitabh as playing the title lead – Sarkar ek soch hai.