simple life

20 years of being married. This Saturday. But it’s already been 28 years of knowing each other. So it’s a difficult milestone to celebrate. And for a couple that is highly practical parents of a young child, it no big deal. Where do we celebrate? Should we go somewhere?

This is similar to the question that I ask my self – what is Jispa’s life untested by faith. Just because we haven’t taught her to pray, I wonder what will happen in adversity. Who will she look to for help? Will it better or worse for her? Similarly – Jasmine and I have been a practical couple. We have known each other for 28 years and I guess since the last 20 years we haven’t really given each other gifts for anniversaries and birthdays. We figured that both our lives are fairly intertwined. We have equal and joint control and visibility on our bank accounts. We know how much money is there or not. We know exactly what the other wants and we buy what we want. It’s not like we hold to expensive things. If it something we want and we will use, we buy. There is no real gifting opportunity.

If it’s impractical to buy it then we don’t buy it. It might be expensive or will not be used or whatever, then we don’t buy it and we don’t bother about it. Hence we can’t buy each other anything. I know she feels and I know I feel that we should gift each other something from time to time but whenever we think about it we look at each other and go… nahhh!

We have even told each other that we would NOT appreciate a surprise party. DON’T EVER DO IT! We have warned each other about it. Probably we are too bored about celebrating it or too practical but definitely we would appreciate a surprise party. Forget surprise, we don’t even appreciate parties.

In the new house, for sure our socializing has gone up. Significantly. We can have larger groups of people coming over and enjoying together. We seem to like people coming home and we play games together. Which reminds me – I have to buy more games. Whenever I get an opportunity.

But in the new house we have stocked enough and we have structured our house in way that we cater to more people having fun. We have a well-stocked pantry cupboard next to the dining table which in turn in next to the windows, occupying the best place in the living room. Cause that is where we figured is the best place to cater to our friends. When we have friends over and we are playing games, no one moves from that place for hours. We practically spend the entire evening/ night or day sitting in just one place. The secondary fridge is also next to it making getting up only a matter of going to the loo.

That’s been our life. We like to keep things simple and practical. You don’t need too much to enjoy. You work hard, save enough, invest more. That’s it. I think we are too practical for anything. Too practical to enjoy gifting.

But I remember my tenth anniversary. We had an event the next day in Grand Hyatt. I want to remember the 20^th. What should I do? Let me see if Jasmine’s wants to book a restaurant for dinner. Let’s see. Just a quiet dinner at a nice simple place. That would be nice. Let’s see.

la la LLI

Many years ago I started teaching, I think it was in 2002 as Jispa was born around the time I had my first teaching assignment. That time it was a fun and unique experience. It’s remained as much fun since then. But at the time I did something weird. At the end of the class I sat with each student and spoke to them – one on one. And I explained to them what they were facing in life and what they needed to do to break out… or something like that. That was a crazy thing. That was the first time I realized that I could start talking about people’s life at will. One kid was amazed because what I told her was exactly what her mother used to tell her all the time. I hardly would have taken 7-8 sessions with them but yet I knew quite a lot.

I thought that was a cool party trick where I could at will talk about people’s life and amaze them with how much I can figure. We are probably not as transparent as it may seem. In office as I grow up I normally have to counsel kids and get them to improve and they are amazed with how much I can tell. People have asked me over the years, how is it that I know so much. How can I tell? Some find it creepy and some find it crazy. For me it was a simple logical deduction. I released that I notice much more than the average Joe on a lot of things. I don’t notice this consciously. It’s more on a sub conscious level. It is there in my mind, forming patterns and images. So much is stored and then pulled out at will to create a pattern. Sometimes in office, I catch someone and randomly ask – so what’s bothering you. Didn’t sleep well? Or like the HR chick the other day – I asked her randomly – why did you not pursue your medical studies? She was wondering how I knew she wanted to be a doctor.

These things look creepy to the one on the outside but are completely logical and probabilistic to one on the inside. It’s one connection to another. It’s just that I notice a lot. Then soon I realized that this is a crazy thing to have. Some people will try and suck as much out of you, like a monkey doing tricks and some will get scared. And I also realized that this is only probabilistic. It is not a determinate science. I only build on what I know and what people agree to show me. I can go wrong and horribly so if people mislead me. And that at the end of it, it’s better for my brains to simply stop thinking.

These deductions are crazy and it’s not that I can spot someone gaming me every time, so it’s not something I have amazing gift that I can see through people. It’s only that I can somewhere try and understand your motivations and character and a bit of what defined your life coming till here, there is future I can see. At best I can only help you make a few choices by pointing the right questions…. But again nothing what you don’t know yourself.

I believed that happened because I was good at understanding probabilities and patterns. I live very happy with probabilities. I don’t necessarily need perfectly determined outcomes and plans. Add to that the fact that I have a crazy curious mind. I love to keep poking around and keep asking questions. An almost insatiable appetite for knowing why.

There was another trait which I did not think was related but I realize now is – ADD. Attention deficit disorder. In meetings and in conversations in office I quickly understand what the point the guy is trying to make and I lose the plot. I zone out. I understood the issue and want to move on. This is seen as arrogance. The other guy so many times tries to convince me that he has more to say, but I say yes or no – and say – great got it. This puts people off completely.

Another bad side of this – I just can’t understand how you don’t get it. It’s simple – it’s there on the board to see for all. It’s like staring me in the face, I keep saying – what you guys did not get it yet? This is the pattern / this is the trick / this is the answer / this is how it’s done.

All of this is interconnected and I did not know till I watched a few episodes of prison break. They talk about a condition called LOW LATENT INHIBITION (LLI). While I am nowhere near the crazy genius they show, I did try and research the term. And while I was researching I kept reading about stuff that I thought is exactly what I go through in life.

Latent Inhibition allows you to go through with life without getting insane. You block out repeated stimuli. You don’t notice everything about everything again and again. But with LLI – every time you notice everything about everything and that helps you understand if there has been a small change in stuff around you and you can draw conclusion from it.

“With low latent inhibition, an individual almost treats familiar stimuli in the same manner as they would new stimuli. Think of the details you notice when you see something new for the first time and how it grabs your attention. From those details all kinds of questions may arise in your mind. “What is that, what does it do, why is it there, what does it mean, how can it be utilized” and so on. The more of those questions you are able to figure out or answer, the better your understanding of that stimulus. The better your understanding of that stimulus, the more logical connections you are able to make between that stimulus and others around it. With the use of human memory you are then able to remember which questions you’ve already answered in relation to a particular stimulus, and those answers may then result in more questions. Low latent inhibition will usually result in extremely accurate instincts due to the sheer level of thought, processing and logical connection that has been made previously when faced with a stimulus or multiple stimuli.

So in terms of what we might see, somebody you know who’s generally always worn glasses might approach you having bought a new pair of glasses that look almost exactly the same but for a slightly different logo on the side. You usually wouldn’t notice the change of logo because your brain has almost dismissed the minor details that go with the pair of glasses they wear as ‘unimportant’. It’s your brains way of ensuring that it doesn’t need to constantly process new stimuli that probably won’t have any significance or importance to it. Yes they might wear glasses, but so what? In this example we simply see the glasses then move on.

An example of how somebody with low latent inhibition may see the same scenario could be that they almost instantly notice the smallest changes that seeing the new pair of glasses presents to them via the observation of stimuli, which may then lead to connections being made that people with normal latent inhibition might not make. For example from seeing the new logo, somebody with a low latent inhibition might deduce that their friend had been shopping since the last time they saw them, if they had been shopping they might have also recently received their monthly salary which meant they were able to buy the glasses. Did the friend have some insecurity with the last pair of glasses? If the person with low latent inhibition also knows the surrounding area well (and knows where the stores are that sell new glasses), and they know when the last time they saw their friend wearing his old glasses was (2 days ago), they might be able to work out the exact locations their friend will have been to, and depending upon which food their friend likes, where their friend might have eaten, and depending upon what their friends interests are, which other stores they might have been to after having been paid and what kind of things they might have bought…all from a small change of logo on a pair of glasses.”

You can read more here  - http://www.lowlatentinhibition.org/what-is-lli/

So it very aptly explains what I go through in life. It’s funny.

Here is another accurate description of what goes on in my mind

“You notice more, hear more, smell more and feel more through tactile contact. Without any conscious effort, your mind is in possession of a broader intake of information.

Upon encountering any form of stimulus (that interests you), your mind automatically dismantles and explores its components.

You usually see through the lies and the deceptions that people use in everyday life.

When learning, you can often make instantaneous changes.

Self-correction is easy because the underlying principle is more evident. Clearer.

You make connections and associations between seemingly unrelated material.

Comprehension is typically easy. You notice the non-verbal background information and this often provides a more comprehensive picture than what is being spoken.

There are exponential leaps of insight taking place all the time, with the background reasoning intact. Wave-upon-wave of permutations, options, variables and choices.

Creativity is a given. You see alternatives.

You notice things that other people miss.

There is no talking voice in your head. No 'chattering monkey'. The volume and complexity of the information drowns out conscious thought entirely.

Verbalising what takes place in your mind is impossible. Words render only a fraction of the entirety.

You see the world more thoroughly.

Listening to other people talking/thinking aloud can be infuriating. They are at point A when you have reached point N already.

Learning is not limited to defined periods of academic study. The assimilation of information is constant, ongoing and never static. There are no lulls or pauses. Everything offers a lesson.

Within the maelstrom of information there exists a place of calm and quietude. The eye of the storm. No verbalisation exists. No internal narrative. Just presence. No sense of self to intrude of interrupt.

Cons-

Education is awkward. Schools are not set-up to cater with this disorder. The way in which things are approached by schools seems piecemeal and incomplete.

It is difficult to write/type/speak quickly enough to articulate ideas and the breadth of the permutations involved.

Tact is necessary. People lie constantly.

LLI makes driving a car difficult. Your brain notices countless dangers and variables, and you become overwhelmed and nervous.

Hypervigilance can lead to anxiety.

Illusions are not very effective. You see through things without wanting to. Conventions and traditions have no significance.

You do not value what other people value.

Filtering out the variables and honing your options to something workable can be very difficult. Every solution potentially harbours new problems, new variables and new concerns.

People may find you to be a little odd, unorthodox or a little intense.

You have a habit of saying things that do not fit the accepted norm of behaviour. You often choose to disregard conventions because they serve no constructive purpose.

Background noise is a major problem. Noisy neighbours can cause serious stress.

Noticing things does not mean that you understand them. If anything, the abundance of what might be known lessens the desire to accumulate widespread knowledge.”

It seems that if you have LLI and a low IQ you are likely go crazy. But a higher IQ leads to creativity. And I think that’s the reason I am seen as far more creative than the average Joe.

Reading this has made me far happier about myself. In the middle I was wondering what is it that I have. Why do I see patterns that others don’t, what the hell is going on? Am I crazy or is the world DUH? It is very frustrating. Now I see it as a simple mental construct that is different from another.

And also I am happy with what my initial response was – just don’t think so much about what you are thinking. Thoughts will keep coming, just chill out and don’t give them too much importance. So more than anything else – this has helped me in some way deal with the frustration around me. Hopefully it will make me calmer and less irritable. Less moody. Less volatile. Tough shit.

Reimagine

Some time back we had a party at the club. This was a swimming pool party where we invited all the pool members and we had a DJ. Normally at parties which I attend – obviously my age group, I have often noticed that the crowd swings to the Amitabh songs and the Kishore kumar numbers – suitably remixed. The old is gold. They are the best numbers and they don’t make them like that anymore. That is my general feeling. So typically for a great time I get the DJ to play those classics to the modern beats.

When I was in college the pubs would exclusively play English music. Hindi music was too low market to be played. All out college socials and bazaar day would be full of English music. A few odd Hindi numbers would be played – like meheboba from sholay or something. If you are young and in college and you want to dance then it was English all the way. I think the first ever hindi song that created a rage and was played at clubs was the Bally sago remix of chura liya.  People loved it and it created ripples. I think that as far as my experience goes – that brought Hindi  songs back to the listen and dance hep music circuit.

It also started a trend of everyone and anyone taking an old song and remixing it and releasing it for an eager audience. It also prompted a lot of purists to say that a classic must not be tampered with. these are great songs, why would you want to mess with the original.
Fair point. I really dint care so much.

So back to the MG club swim party. The dancers at the party were all really the young turks aged from 8 to 15. These were the swim kids who had the chance to party their heart out. With their mothers watching these danced till the DJ finally called it a day. There is no better thing than peer pressure. Jispa refuses to dance. No matter how much I egged her, she sat in her chair refusing to move a muscle. She is the same at dandiya meets. She refuses to get up. So I let her be, only to find her dancing some time later at the insistence of her friends. Ya sure.  I reminded of the Aesop’s fable of the sun and the wind arguing on who is better at removing the coat of a traveler. The wind blew hard in an attempt to blow the coat away only to find the man pull the coat closer while the sun simply silently shined down on the man who promptly removed it.

At the party, the kids were very clear. They swayed only to Hindi music and only the latest hot hindi numbers. No amitabh, no Kishore, nothing. Hot fast tempo hindi number. Old songs with great melodies and beats don’t count for anything. What counts is – that its new young and popular. So the purists can take the songs and shove it up their……

On Sunday I was at another party. Here because of the age profile – a mix of old and new songs were being played when I suddenly figured that a lot of old numbers which were remixed and reinterpreted in the Bollywood were the rage. It made me think. It may be a classic but even if that is not constantly reinterpreted for a younger audience it is not going to be accepted. There is no point of a great old song if no one is going to dance to it. An artist’s primary goal in Bollywood is to reach out to as many as possible (to those elitists who sneer at this crass commercialization, I sneer back at them). They were made for a mass audience and that’s why they were hits and hits must be allowed to be reinterpreted again and again. A few flops will emerge. A flop will make the classic dearer and a hit will make the classic go further. In any ways it furthers the original. The fun bit with popular culture is that if it’s not got good, it won’t be popular so why bitch.

So as the DJ played back to back Bollywood reinterpreted songs, I stood back a bit and saw the crowd loving it. These were not simply remixed by Bollywood or the DJ. These were what I would call reinterpretations of the old ones. These are ones that I and Jispa (when she wants to) agree to dance on at the same time.

Like this one

This features Rishi Kapoor in what in his time was possibly a bit of irreverence. Bachana ae haseeno. It’s a classic hit and I am sure it was antiestablishment at the time – check the red heart that he wears on his silver costume.

And now you have his son practicing a brand of irreverence. The father would pine for one chic and his son will danced with three and gets away with it. This too is possibly antiestablishment. See – he doesn’t love any of the chics he is dancing with. He is flirting with them, all in control. He is the Casanova.

Here is another one – the original one was never meant for movies I think. It was a pop single that caught the imagination across borders. Nazia Hassan is the iconic pop singer who sang this one. Disco Deewane!

And cut to the present – this what my daughter loves and would dance to. The Disco Deewane from the ‘I hate it its so bad but the kids love it’ movie – Student of the year. Jispa – I will forever judge you for this one.

And the last one –

The original – Rishi Kapoor again in Om Shanti Om. I remember this as a kid. The huge set piece where the protagonist is dancing on a record player. It forever imprinted my mind with what a dance piece should be.

Cut to the present – Shah Rukh Khan dancing to a completely reimagined Om Shanti Om

All of these are not simple remixes and are reimagined and reinterpreted for the audience. All of them have English set pieces inside of the songs. Sit back and play all of them. Enjoy them all. The original and the new. Change is the only constant – be it, actively propagate it and allow it.

Hindu philosophy has one flaw – from the triumvirate Brahma creates, Vishnu protects and Shiva destroys. It necessarily means new has to rise from ashes – but there is no one who simply copies or is inspired or is happy to reinterpret and reimagine what is old and put it in a new context. Some god that simply copies. Someone akin to Bill Gates – who gave the world CCP – cut copy paste.

What a great dad am I?

Good intentions. They are good but they are not just good enough. And I mean real good intentions. These are intentions that are followed by good action that gains the praise of the world and all round you. People go back happy and love what you do, but they are just not good enough.

Just the other day I was asking Jispa that her birthday is coming up and we can celebrate with a pool party like last time. Like last time I will organize and conduct all the games and we can have a blast. So you want to have one? No was her reply. What? You don’t want to have a pool party. NO. She did not want to have a party this year. I couldn’t just understand it. Why is it that she did not want to have a party? We let it be at the tie but the matter kept ringing in my head. I thought it was a great party. The kids enjoyed, Jispa enjoyed and everyone had a great time. Wasn’t it a fun day to spend at the pool? Evidently it wasn’t so much fun. Jispa refusal did not seem right to me. There was something more to it than I understood. Yesterday in the evening I asked her – “you really don’t want a party this year?”. ‘No”. “why”. “because you don’t listen to me. Last time when the other girl kicked me in the pool you just ignored it.”. “No sweet heart. I can’t favor you or even take your side. You are the host and you have to always let go of it. You must listen.” “No you listen” she said. “Listen. I don’t want you to give me the point but I want you to listen to me. She kicked me and the coins dropped and she took the coins. I was hurt. You must tell her that. That is not fair.”. “And what did I tell you when you told me that?”. “You just told me to shut up and go”. Whoops. “did I really tell you that?”. “yes” she said softly, “you did”. I was stunned. It was obviously me fault. I tried to be a great dad to her. I organized the party, I got into the pool. I made the kids play and everything. I had a lot of fun. In a party when I playing judge I have to be extra fair. The benefit of the doubt must go against my daughter and her team. Always. So I tend to ignore her. Or possibly I am too caught up with my organizing to really become a dad. In my effort to become a Great dad, I ceased to become Her dad. I looked down at her and said “I am sorry. I really am.” I gave a tight hug and she hugged me back. Yup. “its ok”.

I say her down and spoke to her. I explained my point of view. I said I was sorry. I did not mean to do that but I was too focused on the party. She said she understood that I needed to be fair. That I needed to not let her win. She knew it did not matter but all she wanted was me to listen to her. She was right. But the issue was different in my mind. Not that I was a jerk. That I was. But the bigger one was that – why did she not tell me about it. She remembers an incident so well from a year back. And she was obviously hurt by it that she refused to have a part thanks to it. It was a big issue. Why did she not tell me about it? Why did she not talk to me about it? I asked her and I told her that she can always talk to me. Don’t I listen to her so many times? I talk to her whenever I am angry and ya, we fight but we also make up and talk. She said she was afraid that I would just not listen. That really really hurt. Here is one more person telling me that they can’t argue with me. Now this is too much to handle man. I don’t want to win these arguments. I explained to Jispa that I always say sorry immediately, nah? Yes you do dad, but I don’t know. In the end she reassured me that she will speak to me. I urged her that I may be an ass and I may not talk properly but there is also a chance that I may talk nicely. If I hadn’t raised the issue then we would not have had a chance to talk openly and we would not have had a party, she would have suffered in the end. Talk. I always teach you to talk. You respectfully talk and let me see who will not listen to you. Then as a measure of insurance I told her, that whenever she felt she needed to talk to me and I wasn’t listening all she had to do was make the T sign to denote time out and I will stop everything and talk to her. Many times I may not understand the importance of your situation, but a T sign is something that I will always respect. Always. That’s a good note to end on. We hugged and I apologized again and again. I am really sorry sweet heart. Will try  my best, TRY my best for it not to happen but there is the T sign to fall back on.

But the issue of people not wanting to argue with me stayed. People don’t argue for afraid of losing with someone who may have a strong logical skill. So do not argue with him. Dam shit. I hate this. Argue dude, argue. I don’t know who will win. And it’s not about winning, its about talking. HELL DAM> same shit. So I guess now the tactic will be to lose arguments just to reassure people or tone down my arguments or what … I don’t know.

Forget that. I will figure that one, but the bright side. At least now that my kids growing up, it’s nice to have a chat like this. it was a bit emotional and we both were almost crying but we held. We grew up a bit together yesterday night. It was a pretty picture in the end. She is growing up and fast. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to use the T sign again and hopefully when she does, I listen. I have been happily humbled. The only good thing about all this is that she assured me that she loves my games, she loves that I make her and her friends play, she loves the twist in the games I do. And that WE RE HAVING A PARTY THIS YEAR AS WELL. HURRAY! I am not that bad a dad at all.

Good intention, good execution, but keep the empathy at all times dude. You are after all her Dad first and a (hopefully) Great dad afterwards.

what you sow, so will you...

Yesterday we had the good fortune of going for the special exhibition of artifacts from Egypt, courtesy of the British Museum which had collaborated with Mumbai’s own Prince of Wales Museum. Normally the Mumbai museum all these years was a very staid place with little changing but the quality of exhibits kept me going and I loved taking Jispa there. First we used to take her to the Natural history section, then we took her often to the other parts of the museum. I loved rediscovering the museum with her.

Of late the museum is begging to get a new lease of life. It seems that is courtesy the new museum director who is proactively trying to do stuff. There are small small activities like getting your favorite animal rubber stamped at a table near the section or a stamp of some symbol or something. Next to it is a donation box in exchange where you can put in whatever amount you want, in return for getting a card with the rubber stamps. There is also a place where you get yourselves some head gear and get yourself photographed in in. the last time we went to the museum, we had visited the special exhibition from China which had two original soldiers on display from the famous terracotta army.

This time the Egypt exhibition was in a class of its own. There was a ton of PR preceding the exhibition. It’s here on display for around six months so there is adequate time for a lot of people to see it. AS we approached the entrance we saw there was a counter for the audio tours, reasonably priced at 70 bucks a guide. We took three as we were three adults with four children. After we had taken it and paid up we saw one counter where one young lady was sitting with an official badge. Over her head was a sign announcing guided tours in Hindi, English and Marathi. I asked the young lady if we could get a guided tour. She said of course. In English? I asked. Yes. Ok cool we are on. So I told my group that we have a guide and off we went on the tour. Our guide, Stuti was a young first year arts student. She was amongst the best guide we ever had. She held the attention of four kids, explained the Egyptian terms to them in an easy manner while using words like cool, dudes, rocking, silly etc while questioning the attention of the kids by asking questions of stuff she had already said. She rocked. She was patient for the complete 2 and half hours we took. The exhibition was also lovely with a lot of artifacts and around 4 real mummies. Wow. That is so cool. At eth end, Spoke to her “thank you Stuti, it was lovely. Do we owe you anything”. “nopes, she said, its free”. “ok, would it be appropriate if we still gave you something”. “no, no. but thanks a lot” she said with a  lovely smile.  Cool. We left thinking what a swell job she did. And not for money or any tip, but because she wanted to do a great job. While we walked out we saw a corner selling some Egypt branded curios of decent quality. We thought we should buy her something. So we bought a note book with the kids signing and writing some stuff at the back page and we got the kids to gift it to her. She resisted a while, but then Jasmine explained that it’s only a book and it’s signed with some notes, so she could actually accept it.

That experience left me with some hope. The museum is changing and what I understand is that it’s because of its new director who is trying to bring about change and bring it into the people’s realm and imagination. The staff also suddenly seem very polite and welcoming. Things are changing. If the museum can change thanks to the effort of one man, then a lot can.

Today I was discussing with HR. On Monday we had a Christmas celebration with some games to be played in the evening. Very few turned up and we finally had teams after we sent some emissaries to drum up guys to play. All those who played, played heartily and had a great time. The HR chic was complaining that we are like this only. No one comes. I explained it’s the culture of our firm and this culture comes from the top. While we played, which cabin guy on the floor except me was enthusiastic about the games? People only do what they think they are expected to do. You will party and then be jammed for it or be typecast for it. Who would then want to come in and play? Do the bosses actually want you to enjoy or play lip service to HR initiatives? It’s almost like these fun and games are for non-serious, non-managerial staff. Why would people come?

All these years I have learnt, change comes from the top. One man with energy like the Museum director can bring about change and enthusiasm that can possibly help a million others dream. Jispa now knows (and me of course) what exactly does a Mummy look like. My team knows that taking part in fun events is good and that helping HR organize like their boss does is an even better thing. Go out, do stuff. Change start from you, especially if you are higher shit. Like I told the HR lady, which father is the right guy, the one who says – here is ten bucks enjoy your vacation or hey, it’s your vacation, let’s go and play in the garden. You get the culture you deserve.

Family time!

We burnt the Raavan again this year.  This year it got bigger with even more people coming in. We got parents and children all involved in the making. To cope with the rush we made two Raavans. Two other kids used this occasion to celebrate their birthdays and it became a party with cake cutting and food. So first we made the Raavans, and then we burnt them and then we played with firecrackers. With the kids being a majority of girls there were no bombs, only lots of sparklers and flower pots to be lit up. That’s a nice way to celebrate it. Some kids from also joined in and it resulted in a whole evening of fun. This was all in the garden behind our home. For dinner, we moved into the garage. We removed the cars and lo – we had enough space to fit in 30 guests and a lot of fun.

This around though I haven’t yet asked Jispa if she enjoyed the party. I haven’t had the guts to ask her. kids came, we burnt Raavan and we enjoyed. Jispa was exceptionally well behaved. Normally when the kids come in in large number they are now at an age where they start having ego wars and groups. Kids start crying, one is set against the other and they want to do their own thing. One kid cried on something and the mothers were trying to mollify her. After some time, we had to proceed with the cake cutting at which I told Jasmine to read the riot act at her. Just get on with it and stop crying. No time for molly codling. The mothers were still trying when I just walked up and said – too much now…get on with it, there is no time for this. We are cutting the cake now! I think the kids too much attention and its spoiling them in different ways. But forget that.

Jispa was active in the process of making the Raavan. Devoid of any ideas the other kids simply made the Raavan faces and then left to play on their own. For Jispa this is not new. She knew what all the Raavan needed and she proceeded to make the sword and the shield for the Raavan. Quietly she stayed inside and made the relevant stuff and decorated the Raavan. I was impressed.

Buts it’s also a case of the parents being actively involved and showing the kids what to do. A few kids were sent it by the parents along with other parents. But that’s not the point of this event. The Raavan can’t be made by the kids. It is a big thing. It can only be made by the parents who also struggle a whole lot. I think last year we could make it as Jasmine and I were actively involved. Normally our partnerships work very well. This time with two Raavans we struggled. Then Jasmine asked me to help the other team and then I was concentrating on both the effigies and then it could translate into a semblance of form and structure.  It came out pretty good in the end. Some of the other mothers were also actively involved.

Everyone finally enjoyed in the end. Some craft work, some snacks, some coke, a chance to work and build something, firecrackers, cake cutting and pav bhaji. What else does a family want? What else.

Here you are - 37 heads plus two champions with ten each! What a lovely day!

The Big Splash

Last Saturday was a blast. For Jispa’s birthday I had organized a pool party and made the kids play games in the pool. Post this some parents wanted to play again, so we had one more game-day. Seeing the game day and the fun that we were having the Gymkhana committee wanted me to organize one game day for the gymkhana as an open fun event. Sure. My logic is simple. I want my child to have fun and my friend’s children to have fun as well. Everything else is a bonus. Well it’s not that hard core but yes, organizing games for the greater public is always fraught with danger. People not behainving the way you want them to, people suddenly leaving, suddenly fighting, my child this, my child that… known people are easier to control than unknowns. Or possibly the reverse is the truth. Sometimes mothers are really tricky.

I see it all the time. the mothers are really agitated at the sports meet. They are the ones pushing their child to do better. Possibly they are living their aggression through their children. At Jispa’s birthday and the other party it was the mothers who really I had to stop from fighting and cheating and trying too hard. STOP IT gals. Fathers possibly get their dose of aggression at the office place and this is the time for them to unwind and not show their agression. Whatever… the mothers are the worst to handle.

This time around there were hardly any mothers registered for the meet. The mothers possibly were shy of roaming around in a swimming costume whole day. A few fathers registered and a few semi adults… kids aged older than 18. I branded it splash day, ensured that the tone was fun and whole sale fun. Made the kids dive in, splash around and played some ridiculous invented games. The kids needed to learn to relax and play the game with the fun association as opposed to the competition association. Luckily the mothers stayed at bay. The kids did what they wanted to and to my relief it was a huge hit.

We started at 3 and went on till 7. Splashing around. Mikes went kaput, games had to be modified. Some kids were really bad swimmers. But overall… good fun. I kept asking the kids and they kept saying yes, it was fun. Some kid even said, it was the best day of their life! Wow, that was a big compliment.

Of course organizing this event was back to college days in terms of partnering with Jasmine. That is the best part of the entire event. When Jasmine and I take up any project together, it’s always been a great experience. We complement each other’s skill sets very well. I will do up all the mike handling, crowd handling, big vision, thinking over all; and she will get the process in place, man the tables, ensure things move in the back ground, food is served etc. I become the style and she becomes the substance. We think together and plan together and execute together. It works well. We don’t get too many opportunities to do that these days but these small ones are worth their weight in gold.

So we did get a lot of appreciation but the greatest moment was at the end, when the kids started pushing me into the pool. I handed over the mike and jumped right in and I was surrounded by kids jumping all over me.

That a nice pic I say.

Of course it all finally comes together thanks to a team. When I was younger I would want to change the world all alone. Push the bar, be in all places, walk, run and pull the entire event on my own. Over the years I have learnt that it’s not possible, or even if possible, the strain is too much. So I have been learning to delegate and then manage. People will rise to their level of competence. And people who want to work will see work and not raise hands but will move their entire body there and start working. That simple. I got a few volunteers from the mothers, essentially our friends. And I got a few fathers are well. Predictably some worked harder. The trick is to let them do it the way they want to. Normally I would have briefed and rebriefed. But I realize that this is just a gymkhana event. People are here as volunteers not paid jobs. They will do what they want and they do because they enjoy doing it not because they ‘have’ to do it. I let them handle the situation and they did so admirably well.

it’s a team game. Kids love to see everyone involved. We had around 90 participants at the Splash Day. What a day. At the end, the kids enjoyed and that the main thing. Someone told me that the gymkhana must be more appreciative of me for doing this for them. To which I say, our kids enjoyed, right? Then it was worth all the effort.

For me parenting at its core is doing stuff that I thought I wanted my parents to do with me. I wanted them to play with me. I wanted them to enjoy games with me. At the end I asked many kids, they all enjoyed it… and then I asked Jispa “so how was it?”. She said “ok ok”. “so what… you didn’t enjoy the day”. “it was nice” she answered, “but there were too many people”. Oh yes there were. But I think Jispa is used to having fun with her dad. Going out and playing. Swimming pool games. Good fun things. He excitement level is possibly set up pretty high. Well it is my doing I guess. So at the end of it – the final verdict that counts was – ok ok. Awwww…..

But then the photos came in and I saw the kids very very happy. So I am back… we will raise the bar next year. We have a lot to learn. Here catch a few moments…

at the start - forming the teams. i wanted them to come with their own teams... but the committe over ruled. hell... it was still fun

The kids at the games - some kids couldnt do much. The life gaurds just dint dive in to help out teh stugglising kids. I think its a socio economic issue. they would only get in possibly if someone was drowning or something. not sturggling. No problem. I dived right in. the kid clung onto me and it was a great feeling. Hugging / reassuring the kid, its ok...

SMILEY faces....

More smiley faces

My favorite kid. This was atough race. One kid sits pretty while the team pushing them to the close. I had "saved" him in a previous event. He was tiny.. I promised him the next event, he will be the most important part of the team. Being light has its advantages.

 Sometimes instructions have to be given from the pool itself.

 More fun...

daddy cool, birthday in pool

Jispa celebrated her tenth birthday on the 31^st of the month. Tenth birthday. It should be a big event. When Jispa was a year old, Jasmine and I took a call not to celebrate her birthday. She would be too young to really enjoy it. We see all the parents celebrating the first birthday with a big party. The kid is typically tired at the end of it all and what do you really expect a one year old to feel about it. Besides getting red check by being manhandled, there is nothing really for the child. So we just decided to give it the skip. After that we have had smallish parties for Jispa on her birthdays. A few core friends, sometimes a few more than that, but never done it on a large grand scale.

What’s a large grand scale? Well. The other parties that Jispa gets invited to are a good benchmark. Ever since she started going to school, she has been invited to big parties. Typically done at a function hall or an open garden. You call at least 50 odd kids, then the parents come with them, and then you have catering for a 100 guests, then you call in the party organizers who come in and decorate the place, and have various stalls, like face painters, tattoo (paint) artists, games etc. then you have a DJ for the music, a sound system, possibly an air castle, then a guy who will make the kids play various games, prizes and the last – return gifts. You could end up spending anywhere between 100,000 rupees to 300,000 rupees. That’s a pretty tidy sum for a birthday party.

Jasmine and I never did feel like doing that. What we told Jispa is that – you call in your core friends and we could take them for lunch or dinner, possibly play a few games etc … but we also made a pact with her. her tenth birthday party would be however she likes it to be. As big as she wants it to be. So a month back, we asked her what kind of party she liked. The thing is that after the initial couple of years of parties, the kids are now basically bored of any party. They go in, run around and then just hang around on their own. They don’t want to play games too much, they eat a bit, throw a little cake around and done. Jispa also gets bored at these parties. A classic case of over exposure or over stimulation. They are bored stiff and Jispa said she doesn’t want a party. Aww. Ok. But Jasmine and I were not happy. Jispa has been the sweetest kid ever. She never complained about not having a party, or about having a small party or calling only a selected friend circle. Two years back we took her friends and gang to a garden and made them play, last year they were at home…  but she never complained and she was always happy. So Jasmine and I really wanted her tenth birthday to be nice.

So how do we make it special?  Jispa clearly did want a big party so that was out of the question. We asked her if she would have a party at the gymkhana where she trains. Ok, but she wanted a pool party. Hanging around the pool with kids. Fine, but then I will get the kids and make them play games – is that ok? I insisted on making the kids play games. Jispa was game for that as well. So the plan was set, pool party with daddy as the games guy with lunch at the gymkhana. The majority of her invites were her pool buddies with a few school friends who could swim also joining the gang. Another close friend of Jispa’s who birthday was around, joined in to have a combined party thrown.

So last Saturday we invited them all and we had 24 odd kids in the pool splashing around. I take great pride in not requiring a games guy. Why the hell do you need a games guy. What am I there for?  I think only boring old lazy fellas need to hire a games organizer. I can do whatever he can do and have more fun. So what do you play in the pool. The coin game is start point. You throw a coin and retrieve it. That’s a start. So let’s start building on it. So Jasmine got coins of different denominations and we started playing. First put them into three teams then get two parent volunteers and start the game. First one is retrieving one coin that’s in, then a specific coin of the two denominations that are in, then three different coins, then a combination, thena  total, and then all… the volunteers kept throwing different coins at different intervals. Played in the shallow end, the result was one hour of complete entertainment.

They came out for cake cutting and lunch and the party ended with the kids having a blast. The mothers who were around acted like captains of the teams and they too had a blast. And the net cost – negligible. Less than the cost of sending invites to a fancy party. Possibly less than the cost of designing an invite to a fancy party. And this got even the over stimulated kids excited and roaring for more. And physically fun as well.

Uncle Jaimit never felt this good. At the end it was a high five for Jasmine and me. This is the typical partnership we work with. I dream up stuff and Jasmine helps bring structure and helps me execute. I control the game and Jasmine works quietly in the back end. Keeping all the other things ready and in control. It’s been like that since college days. And Jispa got a party she deserved. Awesome fun.

Here is the pic of me with the kids. I love this one. Just look at me. I am beaming. I was so happy that day and for a few days following.

 

jispa meets gandhi

We went to join the family gingbang in Ahmedabad to be a part of the surprise 25th year anniversary. The cousins there are fairly sweet. He is my first cousin and the 25th anniversary celebration would give you an idea onto the wide age disparity between cousins.
This was on my dad’s side of the family. Here I am the youngest son of the youngest brother. Hence I am the baby of that side. In many ways I am treated by some of my brothers in that respect. At 35 I get my ears pulled. Literally :D. It is quite a nice feeling. It was also a chance to experience Ahmedabad and used the free time before and after the party to catch up on stuff.
One point on our agenda was the Sabarmati ashram there. It is a beautifully serene and calm place. The vibes there were very calming. One can only imagine what it could have been like 60 to 70 years ago. I liked the smallish memorial that explains Gandhi’s stand on various issues and charts out some of his actions. Also I could not visualise without Richard Attenborough’s movie coming into my head. It did well to help me visualise the scale of his actions. Here is Jispa in front of one of the exhibits.

It is an icon by itself. I think the handwriting is an integral part of making this iconic.
While the section was informative on Gandhi’s life I think it misses a lot by being merely a poster exhibition. There is little else to make the place come alive. it seems there is a sound a light show in the vening but we did not inquire about too much as we had the party to attend in the evening. Also I guess Gandhi as a man had little to own and hence there would be very little to exhibit, at least as afar as personal artefacts go. There were replicas of many letters that he wrote and received and prints of the same, but I guess seeing the real thing beats having to see a replica. Jispa kept asking “is this the real thing’ and we had to keep saying it is the replica. I don’t what we humans have for it but I do enjoy seeing something very real as opposed to the pictures.
Like the Delhi museum showing what is believed to be the actual remains of the Buddha. On my god. I went crazy seeing them. I couldn’t believe that we have the actual fragments of the Budhha himself. It made the Buddha come alive to my mind. From being a part of mythology there is suddenly flesh and blood to my vision of him. And I was within 10 inches of them.

There in similar vein, I was also very happy that they had not completely cordoned off the hut (above pic) in which he stayed but actually had it open to all visitors to come in and experience it for himself. It felt great to be in a place where the man him self had been / lived. These things make the legend in our minds come alive. I was happy to take Jispa there. I guess it would have made it come alive for her as well.

The big let down was the souvenir store. Yup, they have a store there. It sells prints of old photos, wooden charkhas, all possible books and some pens and badges etc. there was nothing that could be a modern interpretation of Gandhi. Something that someone younger would actually buy to keep the image alive. Also nothing to wear. Not even a khadi kurta. The books were also arranged so shabbily and displayed with poor light and shelves. It made for poor browsing and poor experience. Next door was a library in even worse shape. With dusty interiors, bad lighting and cobwebs that too did not inspire any confidence. While some of the exhibits were smart and interesting enough to explain Gandhi, there was nothing to interpret him in today’s life. Hence no matter what any one says, lage raho munnbhai must be lauded for its attempt. A simple zone where Jispa would have access to movie clippings, possibly cartoons, drawings etc… that would have created a lasting impact in her mind. A simple concept like untouchability was something I found difficult to explain to her. It was written in depth on the exhibits and the complexities that Gandhi faced were also explained but explaining that to an 8 year old was pretty tough. What does it mean? How did he fight it? What were the repercussions? I think I tried my best. Years of talking to Jispa as an adult have borne fruit. She can understand complex stuff that I try and explain to her as plain as possible without talking down. She is also quite comfortable in a museum and knows how to entertain herself in it. But a little help, possibly at worst an audio tour would help tremendously. And why can’t we design audio tours for kids. Punch in your age as well before proceeding and you get the right thing for you. Why don’t we do this?
I tired my best on Saturday. I hope it brought it alive for her.
As a closing note I leave this for you – said of Gandhi by another legend himself.