nopes!

The more I think about it and the more experiences I have in life, I get that one thing my brother about Delhi Station is true about life in general.

Delhi Station is a mad place. You get off and you are accosted by touts of all types of slime and sleaze. Everyone wants to thug you and you can’t get a decent conversation happening with anyone. In fact what conversation, asking someone for directions itself can be very stressful and crazy. Many years ago we landed at Delhi station and we were told to move to the rail yatri nivas to stay. As a family we got down and started wondering where to go. A tout just kept talking to my dad and then finally showed us a few hotel pics and booked us a hotel to stay in. this was on the return leg of our journey. Dad thought he was booking us a good hotel.  Needless to say – the experience wasn’t that great. We had booked two rooms and the AC from one was flowing to the other via a duct made and other such weird stuff. Those days there was no internet and we don’t hear about the Lonely Planet and there were defiantly no Trip advisor. So choosing where to stay and where to go and what to do was one hell of a nightmare. Before you go anywhere, you have to ask people where they went, think of an itinery that was largely based on theirs and the hotel that they went to. People would have records of hotels and rooms and the phone numbers of the hotels they stayed in. this was very valuable information. The agents were essentially people who could arbitrage on the knowledge of hotel names and numbers. That was all. Things have moved up quite a bit. Now people know where to go and what to see from searching the internet. Jasmine and I came up with our own formula… Lonely Planet plus internet. Curation plus peer discovery! This has worked for us. And GPS… the bets thing is that now you know exactly where you are. When I was selling the Backberry concept to my brother in law – I showed him GPS. Now in a train, you don’t need to look out of the window or ask someone where you were. You simply opened your cellphone and you knew if your station is coming or is far away. This is especially useful if you are waking up in the middle of the night for your station and are wondering if the train is late or which station just passed!

Cut to my brother’s experience – he once alighted at Delhi station and refused to talk to the touts. He was making a beeline  for the tourist office. On the way the tout kept following him talking all the time. And then at one point the tout just said ‘look, the office is shut’. My brother lifted his head and sure enough there was a board of the tourist office and it was shut.  I don’t know afterwards what really happened but my brother then realized that the tout was pointing out to the wrong office which had moved. That’s when told me – in Delhi station – you should not even listen to the touts. Even listening is a crime.

I find this real in office as well. There are some real bad ass guys. People who gossip and spread evil vile around them. Even talking to them is a crime. They slowly make you believe that they are on your side, they gain your trust and confidence and then pass on gossip to you…. and then, they POISON your mind. Such people must be avoided no matter how sweet they sound or how nice a company they are. They give you the juiciest gossip but at the same time are the ones who will not hesitate  to use your name or you as a target of their gossip. Even listening to them is a crime. Hanging around, talking or texting or anything with them will only poison your mind. These guys are slow boa constrictors. These are available all around you. I keep telling Jispa that in school or in class or at the pool, these people must be avoided. After I have realized this and I preach it to all I care about, I have been seeing more of this. Positive nice people fill your mind with positivity. They help you think and take right calls and make better decisions. The bad ones, they figure out a way to co-opt you in their plan. They have sinister plans and then squeeze you in their plan. Without knowing so you are involved and a part of their support group and boom – there goes your credibility.

I have learnt over a period of time to simply not listen, avoid and if unavoidable – not encourage the conversation. And when they co opt you, it takes effort but there is no shame in saying, Sorry yaar – I am part of this. I disagree or nopes… I don’t care about this. At first it’s so difficult for nice guys to do any of this, but if you value your credibility and your sanity, you will disagree. Its then very easy to simply say no and weasel out. Avoid them like plague.

What a great dad am I?

Good intentions. They are good but they are not just good enough. And I mean real good intentions. These are intentions that are followed by good action that gains the praise of the world and all round you. People go back happy and love what you do, but they are just not good enough.

Just the other day I was asking Jispa that her birthday is coming up and we can celebrate with a pool party like last time. Like last time I will organize and conduct all the games and we can have a blast. So you want to have one? No was her reply. What? You don’t want to have a pool party. NO. She did not want to have a party this year. I couldn’t just understand it. Why is it that she did not want to have a party? We let it be at the tie but the matter kept ringing in my head. I thought it was a great party. The kids enjoyed, Jispa enjoyed and everyone had a great time. Wasn’t it a fun day to spend at the pool? Evidently it wasn’t so much fun. Jispa refusal did not seem right to me. There was something more to it than I understood. Yesterday in the evening I asked her – “you really don’t want a party this year?”. ‘No”. “why”. “because you don’t listen to me. Last time when the other girl kicked me in the pool you just ignored it.”. “No sweet heart. I can’t favor you or even take your side. You are the host and you have to always let go of it. You must listen.” “No you listen” she said. “Listen. I don’t want you to give me the point but I want you to listen to me. She kicked me and the coins dropped and she took the coins. I was hurt. You must tell her that. That is not fair.”. “And what did I tell you when you told me that?”. “You just told me to shut up and go”. Whoops. “did I really tell you that?”. “yes” she said softly, “you did”. I was stunned. It was obviously me fault. I tried to be a great dad to her. I organized the party, I got into the pool. I made the kids play and everything. I had a lot of fun. In a party when I playing judge I have to be extra fair. The benefit of the doubt must go against my daughter and her team. Always. So I tend to ignore her. Or possibly I am too caught up with my organizing to really become a dad. In my effort to become a Great dad, I ceased to become Her dad. I looked down at her and said “I am sorry. I really am.” I gave a tight hug and she hugged me back. Yup. “its ok”.

I say her down and spoke to her. I explained my point of view. I said I was sorry. I did not mean to do that but I was too focused on the party. She said she understood that I needed to be fair. That I needed to not let her win. She knew it did not matter but all she wanted was me to listen to her. She was right. But the issue was different in my mind. Not that I was a jerk. That I was. But the bigger one was that – why did she not tell me about it. She remembers an incident so well from a year back. And she was obviously hurt by it that she refused to have a part thanks to it. It was a big issue. Why did she not tell me about it? Why did she not talk to me about it? I asked her and I told her that she can always talk to me. Don’t I listen to her so many times? I talk to her whenever I am angry and ya, we fight but we also make up and talk. She said she was afraid that I would just not listen. That really really hurt. Here is one more person telling me that they can’t argue with me. Now this is too much to handle man. I don’t want to win these arguments. I explained to Jispa that I always say sorry immediately, nah? Yes you do dad, but I don’t know. In the end she reassured me that she will speak to me. I urged her that I may be an ass and I may not talk properly but there is also a chance that I may talk nicely. If I hadn’t raised the issue then we would not have had a chance to talk openly and we would not have had a party, she would have suffered in the end. Talk. I always teach you to talk. You respectfully talk and let me see who will not listen to you. Then as a measure of insurance I told her, that whenever she felt she needed to talk to me and I wasn’t listening all she had to do was make the T sign to denote time out and I will stop everything and talk to her. Many times I may not understand the importance of your situation, but a T sign is something that I will always respect. Always. That’s a good note to end on. We hugged and I apologized again and again. I am really sorry sweet heart. Will try  my best, TRY my best for it not to happen but there is the T sign to fall back on.

But the issue of people not wanting to argue with me stayed. People don’t argue for afraid of losing with someone who may have a strong logical skill. So do not argue with him. Dam shit. I hate this. Argue dude, argue. I don’t know who will win. And it’s not about winning, its about talking. HELL DAM> same shit. So I guess now the tactic will be to lose arguments just to reassure people or tone down my arguments or what … I don’t know.

Forget that. I will figure that one, but the bright side. At least now that my kids growing up, it’s nice to have a chat like this. it was a bit emotional and we both were almost crying but we held. We grew up a bit together yesterday night. It was a pretty picture in the end. She is growing up and fast. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to use the T sign again and hopefully when she does, I listen. I have been happily humbled. The only good thing about all this is that she assured me that she loves my games, she loves that I make her and her friends play, she loves the twist in the games I do. And that WE RE HAVING A PARTY THIS YEAR AS WELL. HURRAY! I am not that bad a dad at all.

Good intention, good execution, but keep the empathy at all times dude. You are after all her Dad first and a (hopefully) Great dad afterwards.