Coffee increases heart rate I think. The research if iffy
but most of tem seem to agree that there
is some effect there. Yesterday I had coffee day. One coffee in the morning and
then some more in the evening. Th evening coffee was a potent brew.
We were out of fresh coffee so I remembered one shop selling
tea and coffee open during the lockdown. I guess they are essential activities
for most. Coffee and tea. I went there only to find that he was telling me that
the coffee is all over and they are getting no fresh stock. He asked me to try in
a few days. While I was walking back home, suddenly I could get a strong smell
of coffee. I stopped in my tracks and was wondering where it came from. I couldn’t
see any shop open. Just then I saw a few meters ahead, hidden, a small shop
selling coffee. Part of the chain of shops called Phillip tea and coffee, this
guy was grinding fresh bean. Wow.
I went up and asked. He was grinding his top bean called the
highlander at 700 bucks a kilo. I took a kg of his stuff and went home. This smelt
potent. I mad ethe coffee in the traditional filter and had it in the evening.
That is the last time I am having coffee as strong as that when I have nothing
much to do. In a few hours I felt my heart rate just go up a bit. Nothing alarming
but I now wanted something to do.
I couldn’t walk around; I couldn’t read anything – I was
just sitting there, and my mind was racing. In these difficult times, the only
thing I was thinking about was, how screwed we were with Covid. I could only
think that the worl dis going to run into chaos and anarchy and that we will
all be out of job. Luckily over the years I know when I am getting negative. I can
see myself doing it.
Immediately I tried to snap out of it. First thing – admit to
myself I am negative; then admit to Jasmine I am negative. Then think through –
A ha – it’s probably the coffee and nothing to channelize the thinking and time
and energy. Acceptance is important.
Negative zones are difficult zones. Its not easy. Years ago,
I remember my brother helping me realise negative zones. There was a friend of
his who would talk negative all the time. And we would make fun of it. He would
invite him over and purposely start a conversation. Then when he left we would laugh
like crazy. I have learnt not to be like that. And more importantly avoid
people like that.
When my friends talk negative, I try and run away from them.
I try and stop them from being too bitter or too negative a zone. Sometimes I too
get there. You can’t avoid slippages. What you can is acknowledge them. Try and
understand where they come from. For me Covid is a genuine crisis. Its too big
and large to disappear. For the first time in humankind and economics, there
had been a disruption/ displacement of labour, capital and Land (I substitute land
for physical elements of the supply chain). All three are disrupted and people have
left consumption.
It is probably great for the environment but as economics
101 goes, we are up shit creek. Maybe we will come back from it. May be there
will be price to be paid and sacrifices taken. May be some will be more affected
than most others. Maybe we will all come out of it better and stronger. Or we
come out of it just slightly bruised. But my learnings and thinking and what I know
– I don’t think so. I think the probabilities are stacked against us as a race.
The disruption will be large as I see it.
I think I am strong enough to survive. I think I am bold
enough to take challenges head on. I think we have saved enough to manage tough
times. When I sit back and think – nah – I think I get by. At worst it will be tough,
but I think with my thinking and clarity – we should be able to make it
through.
The challenge is not the external circumstances. The challenge
is internal. If I am negative before the shit hits, then I am lost. When it
hits, I must be positive. I must face it and navigate. One reason I have not
given away any of my old books is so that if there is ever a situation where I don’t
have enough money – I will reread all of them. Its funny but that I how I think.
I like being prepared for the worst. I normally think the
tough decisions in my life quietly and only open my mouth when I am in a better
frame. Typically, I like to imagine worst case situation. When stress levels go
up, I only think – worst case, what is the worst that can happen. I try and
think of that, then I imagine how I will react. Then I imagine if I would be ok
(I am always ok) and then its good. Now go to sleep.
When I wake up, I am happy, positive and able to take on the
shit that the world throws me. I am sure more stuff that’s bad will happen to me.
It will happen to all of us. I can only hope that I am prepared and more
important positive in the light of this. I want to die a happy man not an
irritating senile man who is pissed with the world. The point of life is happiness,
not crankiness and definitely not negativity.
Understanding this about myself is one of the greatest gifts
I feel I have. Being able ot know, I am angry, being able to see I am negative
and that I want to do something about it. I would have loved to be a positive
at all times person but that would mean that there is no difference between me
and an optimistic Bambi. Ups and downs are part of life – you can only choose
your reaction to it. Choose well. You have to live with it.
