Stay relevant . fight

Reinventing yourself is so bloody important. Reinventing relationships are important. Reinventing your passions and your reasons to be are important. Nothing is constant as you grow older. Everything changes, the relationships and their interplay change over a period of time.

We need to keep evolving on everything and this can sometimes, many times cause stress. When Indians go abroad many a time they can be accused of being in a time capsule. They notions of India and Indianess is define by the time they left shores. They have been unable to move from their last notion of India.

Similarly, every time I wake, I start from where I left off yesterday. Parenting Jispa for one. It’s a question of constantly reinventing oneself. By merely having by birth the right to be a father is the stupidest thing that one can want. You have to earn it every day. This Saturday I was teaching about margins to my kids in college. What is margin and what constitutes margin. It is not as easy subject to grasp. People will constantly make the mistake of missing one component for another. When you look at the supply chain you will realize that margin compensates the component of the supply chain in line with its role, risk and reward. I was thinking in my head that while a lot of kids got it wrong, I would assume that a lot of these concepts Jispa would intuitively get right. Jispa probably doesn’t know what kind of dad she has. She probably underestimates the breadth of experience and wisdom I bring to the table.

These days while studying etc, she doesn’t need/ take my help. So yesterday I was talking to her while we were watching the swim races in the stands. We were waiting for her races. It was too much fun. This is the interschool races for the international schools. It was a national event. This gave Jispa a chance to directly enter the all school nationals through a much easier route. International schools are few and far in between in the country and most of them have very small classroom strengths and total over all student strengths. You can’t expect too much competition with these numbers. So while we were watching the races, I was enjoying the rank amateurs swimming in the nationals.

In in one race you will see national level medalists swimming alongside swimmers who haven’t ever been in 50-meter pool in their life, let alone swan at a stretch for than 20 meters. You can make out by the way they stand at the stand and their body structures. Young fit six pack athletes in their advanced costumes standing next to podgy fatted kids wearing their summer swimming costumes. I was dissing them for 10 minutes, in a very stand up way and laughing with Jispa at these kids. Yes, I was being very mean and very unfatherly. But these kids had no reason to be in this national competition.

I was also explaining to Jispa that once upon a time, I too was like this as a kid. I went for a swimming competition and almost drowned in the process. I had no business going for a race. Sometimes, we just force these kids into participation for a certificate that we participated at a national level race. But hell.

This is not the point of this story. What is the point of this blog? It is something totally different. Jispa and I were talking and we spoke about how till 7^th grade I was still largely involved in teaching her stuff. She said that now dad, you can’t even help me with anything on studies nah. I am way too advanced for you. AH… nopes kid. I am still a smart guy. I can help you with some of your studies. English and psychology for sure. and the mental aspect of sports science. Anything you do in the technical side, I am not that good. Bio, math etc – you are way ahead but in English and other similar stuff, I am still relevant and awesome. She was like – no you don’t know things like juxtaposition and stuff. We do analysis of vogue covers and stuff and you are not good for that. I had to tell her, not forcefully of course that I can still help you, but its your call.

Sunday evening at home she comes to me and shows me the explanation of the Vogue covers. She has to analyze them. She and her friend wrote a very superficial analysis of the covers. I explained to them that this was bad shit. I helped her understand core values of Vogue. Then who are on the cover – what is the intended effect of the celebs. What are the personality traits that the celebs lend onto the cover and the articles / themes of the cover? I explained how the Venn diagram of the vogue and the celeb intersection is what the cover is about. I basically took her analysis to a whole new level altogether.

At the end of this – I then told her – I am still relevant in your life kid. I am still relevant.

I have to fight every day. Struggle for being relevant in people’s lives. If you take your role for granted, then you are doomed. Fight every day and stay relevant. Else get consigned to the sides. Same for office, spouse, father, friendship, mentor – whatever shit you do. Stay relevant and keep changing.

have a look at them too

Jispa is learning about the great war in History class. She has been reading a lot about the Schlieffen Plan as she has that as a case study. Today she told me that she has to present the plan today to the class. I told her “that’s really awesome. I am so jealous”. She looked at me and asked if I was being sarcastic. “no, not sarcastic but real. We learnt shitty history”. She said “all shivaji and all?”. “well yes, we had Shivaji but it’s not about Shivaji that’s the issue. Shivaji would also be awesome, if taught well.”

Earlier on, I used to be quite critical of the local history and culture being imposed on the kids. At school we were taught Marathi as a compulsory subject and we had every alternate year, Maratha History in the history text book. This was kind of really painful. We used this to criticize the government and the administration. The issue really is not the force feed of local culture. Today I would vote for local culture as a part of curriculum. It’s the way that it was taught that was stupid. We should have learnt a lot about the Maratha land, in fact we should have been taught even more in detail and in depth. The great Maratha sea forts, their amazing designs, their strategic importance and the various different places where the wars were fought. The Maratha history is very interesting and they even reached Delhi via the Peshwas. They held off the British and were feared.  It was and still is an amazing piece of history. Even the fact that they taught Marathi in school is important. Here the politicians have got it right, they introduced the medium of administration as Marathi in the local offices. This allows the administrative framework to reach those to whom it really matters, the common people. Ofcourse they have made it militantly so and have kept it almost exclusively so. The non Marathi speaking population does find it intimidating to converse with the officialdom. But still, it’s still better than pushing English or Hindi down everyone’s throat. Here I like the Singapore model where English, Mandarin, Malay and Tamil. It’s a bit painful, but this was all communities are integrated into the government system. So, having Marathi in school is good, but the way it is taught is shit. We learnt it by rote and did not learn the basic art of conversational Marathi. Today while I understand Marathi and possibly can go for Marathi cinema (preferably with sub titles) I can’t really speak Marathi. Jispa too studied Marathi till 7^th grade but cannot speak it. The important part of it is the ability to have conversations in it. Once that’s done, the rest can follow. The script is almost the same as Hindi so that’s not the challenge.

So local culture, history and even geography is not the issue. The issue is the way it is taught. I told Jispa that “in school, we confused history with Eulogy”. “eulogy?”. “yup, here, google the word.” Eulogy: a speech or piece of writing that praises someone or something highly, especially a tribute to someone who has just died. That’s what we did in history. We saw only one side of it and it was in many ways a tribute to the great Maratha and nothing more. A eulogy, that misses the balance in the perspective. “yes” she said. “we are allowed to see every side of history. We are allowed to criticize every aspect of everything in History. We made so much fun of King Louis of the French revolution.”. yup. That is history. Nothing but perspective from things that have happened. Something that will help us understand where we are and what we need to choose to be. History is so much more. Sadly, all my text books and teachers did was to glorify the wars the dead, have clear villains and enemies, typically those ‘Muslim invaders’ till the British came along at which time the Last Mughal Bahadur Shah Zafar became a ‘freedom fighter’. All we did was stupid dates, stupid salient features and a version was narrated to us. Jispa’s history has a whole book dedicated to the Great War, and the first thing the teacher says is that, this is a British book and hence it has the British version. If we read a Germna book, we will get the German version. I also wonder though, what a Japanese version would be.

History : From a subject that I hated and never understood its significance to a subject I read a lot about. I love it. I have tried to pass on my love for History to Jispa as well. At least at some point she wouldn’t question its importance in the curriculum like I did. I learnt nothing. 65 kids in a class, painfully bad infrastructure, stupid textbooks, stupider curriculum – what more can we expect.

Now I read so much and when I removed a few books from the cupboard, I had a few for Jispa to read. In addition to history I also asked her, if she was interested in some anti – government books. Her eye lit up. Yes, I have removed a few. Have a look at them too.

i love you baby, i love you school

I sat this Sunday with Jispa to ensure that she is up to speed on her school work. 8^th grade has started amazingly well for her. Her first set of exams have her scoring lovely marks in almost all subjects, except math. She is now working on her math as well and she is trying to score well there. The teachers are quite nice and are putting an effort in explaining the concepts to the students. They have tons of research and very little mugging up. A lot of explanations of terms and concepts and lots of interesting home work. She has to write a 1200 word essay on the French Revolution after researching whatever she wants on the internet. Now that is cool.

This is the right way to study rather than learning by rote. This is life. You will not know most of what hits you but you are expected to read and understand on the internet and then you are expected to synthesize the same in a short and efficient manner.

So when I sat to study with her, quite frankly I was quite lost. I had nothing to teach her. I just went through most of the work and asked her if she understood. She did and so I just went on and closed almost all the studies in 30 minutes flat. It was a smooth process. She studies on a regular basis, she researches and she manages her homework. I introduced her to Khan Academy.

Jispa now days is getting interested in her school work. She wants to do well and shine in the classroom. I find that very heartening. So I try and use that in motivating her to do better. I have told her about Khan academy multiple times but she hadn’t every really used it. This time while studying I spoke to her about it. I told her that since it’s a US based thing and you have an international curriculum you should be able to love what they do and you will find it relevant. That struck a chord and she was at it, watching videos and learning from there.

I was telling Jasmine that seriously, I don’t understand anything and I can’t really add value to her studies. The fact that I am sitting and discussing stuff with her is enough. Just show that her studies are important and her successes at school are important and celebrated. I keep telling her that she has done well and that we wonder how but we are happy that she is managing her studies and her swimming together.

So while finishing off her studies, I could really add value to only two subjects – Geography and English. In geography we were talking about over population. Here I completely dissed her studies. Over population to my mind is a mythical monster created by people with low imagination and will to do good work. There is no such thing such as over population. Cities have dense populations and in many ways its good for living as people are able to stay together and us mass transportation and fundamentally reduce the footprint. You can efficiently design living, transport, communications, leisure, recreation etc. People are better when they are dense as opposed to being completely spread out. So the problem is not over population but that of under infrastructure. The government tries to solve the problem by labelling it wrong. There is definitely a larger population than what the infrastructure can support but the problem is not the population but the infrastructure. Hence the problem is that there is less infrastructure that what the people need. That’s all you need to do. Reframe your issues. Jispa also completely agrees. She said that in class she also spoke about that as once I had spoken to her about this. People have ingenuity and enterprise.  They cannot be the problem. They are the solution. When we were growing up, I remember having this discussion and debate. I too firmly believed that over population is an issue. China’s one child policy is the solution that must be emulated. As we have seen, China has now devolved policy as it creates a various set of issues, that are also weird to handle – such as too pampered children, an ageing population and preference for males. You cannot see population as a problem but that as an opportunity. People can solve their problems, you have to give them freedom to express their enterprise. One will rise and feed a hundred. I look at my previous firm where one man’s dream took his company today to a height where they have over 40,000 employees. In effect feeding – directly over 120,000 people at the minimum. The ripple effect is much larger. One man’s bull headed vision. She said she tried explaining but she is one fighting many and also the teacher. I think this Thursday, in the parent teachers meeting, I am planning to have a smallish but healthy discussion with her geography teacher. It should be good fun. I might have Jasmine nudging me under the table to stop. Let’s see where that one goes.

The other subject that I help her and we have amazing discussions is English. Here I am learning as much as she is. And with which I am teaching her to go further. We had a few discussions about her homework and the stuff that she had to do. I took the paragraphs and completely pushed the envelope on its meanings. We started discussing and reached meanings on the stuff that we hadn’t thought of before. In English its awesome, we can go as far as we want to go without being right or wrong. Jispa then gets a few ideas and then she notes it down. Annotations and notes is something that her teacher has taught her as the way of studying and I think its completely awesome. This way she makes small notes on the side and then discusses it in class, or with her teacher or uses it in her essays/ work. It’s super cool. I wish I studied like that when I was in school.  This gives her an amazing edge. The only worry is that while talking, I put in more things in her head that I this is right. Not that she cannot process it and hold it, but it’s the equivalent of doing your kids homework. And then I think again. It possibly isn’t. It is just a new and different way to look at things. When I read books and see the authors point, I keep it or reject it to use again. So I guess, right now, Jispa is simply seeing various different points of view and possibly mine are very strong and powerful. She does keep rejecting bad ideas or she uses my ideas to challenge existing norms or challenge my ideas as well. Together we reach further than where we were. So in the end, I assume it’s a good thing.

This is another question to ask the teacher at school. How much should we discuss the home work. It seems to be helping her, but how much is the question.

Lets see…. But one thing I did do soon enough. I thanked Jasmine. When the school forms for admission were being given out, I was the one opposed to this school. It seemed like a ladida school and I was afraid it would be too expensive and that we would meet people from different high end backgrounds. It would be impossible to blend in I felt. But Jasmine insisted and we took the form and applied. Then we got through round 1 and then round 2. In the end, looking at everyone who did not get through, there was no way we were going to say no. This level of teaching and this manner of the teachers is worth spending an arm and a leg to get through. We have been lucky. Jispa has been awesome.

Here is one forward that her English teacher put on the whatsapp group. How do you find any fault with a teacher who sends this to the kids.

I so wish that someone taught me stuff like this when I was young and impressionable. I had lost faith in studying and teaching at the time. This is serious.

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And now some random lovely video that justifies the title of the blog. I love the video and I love this song. I can’t have enough of these guys.

An exam is not an exam, Jispa!

I almost forgot to write this story down, but it deserves being there for posterity. It is something that Jispa will probably laugh over when she grows up and this one is seriously good.

One evening I come home and see Jispa having her dinner on the dining table. Jasmine was sitting on the sofa. I have no idea why Jasmine doesn’t like sitting for food with the entire family. I have spent the last 16 years coaxing her to do it, but she just doesn’t like it, or values it. I hate this aspect of her, but that is another story for another day. Bah!

So I come home and watch Jispa eating her dinner alone. I ask her whats up, how was her day. “bad” she replies. OK… now I am listening. So what happened, I asked her. “you finish and come here, I will tell you”. OK. I wash my hands and come to sit on the table and I am ready for dinner. “what happened today sweetheart?”. “I want mommy over here as well” she insists. Ok mom, you sit here and we all sit around the table for a chat. It was pretty serious, I assume. We all wait as the big thing is about to revealed. The she says “I will tell you but you will nottell me anything immediately afterwards. You can tell me later, but can’t get upset at me or tell me anything now.” “ok” what choice do we parents have in this case. Of course I agreed and gave her the freedom to talk freely without any repercussions. Then she starts “today was math test. It was horrible. The teacher gave us the papers ten minutes late and we were solving it and I couldn’t finish the paper on time”. “ok” I urged her one as I saw one tear coming down her cheek. “I think I am going to get a C”. “ok – how do you know you are getting a C” I enquired. “I calculated the marks. I know. This is bad.”

Now what to do with this. Math is important. Tests are important. Scoring is important, but crying over a test – that’s shit. I remember my childhood. School and studies were bad enough but this, this exam shit was way too bad. For many years after, I still got nightmares about not being prepared for exams. About going to exams late, about failing, about being blank… many such things. I think once I turned up late for one paper, once I studied the wrong paper and things like that as well. It was crazy growing up and managing exams. It was so stressful. One thing that I wanted in education for my child was – absence of fear from an exam. Everything else can be managed. Everything else is a function of the stress the kids put on themselves. Their hair is not ok, they have pimples on their faces, they like other boys, everything else – I really don’t care… that stuff is self-imposed. But exams – that’s one thing that is imposed by the parents on the kids in connivance with the teachers and the whole freaking education system. Exams are designed to kill you and make your life shorter in the long run but stretch it for eternity in the short run.

So what advice should I now give her? I start:

Ok. I hear you but if you give me permission to say one thing, may I say it. (she gives me permission) Cool. Thanks. First – I don’t care about your exam grades. That’s ok. More so – I don’t care about exams in general. I think they are too measly a thing to be upset about. So that’s my point of view, but if you now allow me to talk completely and freely, I can explain further. ( I get permission again).

So you couldn’t complete it, because you did not understand it or you did not have time? (it was time she said). Well then that’s ok. Math is all about speed and practice. They purposely are now raising the bar for you and getting you to know that now you area bug girl who needs to solve math fast. That’s important now going forward. The only way to get it right is to keep solving the papers, again and again. Chat with your teacher, tell her you want to improve and ask her how. Tell her you are not used to this and that you don’t have tuitions and you want to go beyond. So that’s about the paper in question.

As regards exams, come on kid. It never the exam. It’s the preparation. I have always pushed you to prepare right for the exams and not bother about the results. Results are important but only as an indicator of the preparations you put in. Exams are over rated. Don’t push yourself on this. I have always had a hate hate relationship with exams. They never did do well for me. You have to figure a way to attack the question papers and game the system. In eight grade, I once failed a Hindi paper. Mom flunked a year in 4^th or 5^th grade when her mom was in US. That too in History or something. Its ok. It doesn’t matter. In my final year in economics, I just about passed. I got a 36 on 100. Today I teach economic concepts to people. When I first saw the paper, I distinctly remember, that I thought I was going to fail. I had obviously underprepared myself for the exam and I was shit scared. I remember then gathering myself and telling myself, if I fail this paper then 90% of Maharashtra will fail. I am better than 90% of my peers. So I spent 30 minutes just thinking of how to attack this paper.  Which questions can I write the most without even knowing anything. I will attempt and attempt well. I will write and write long. I will not give up. I then remember for writing non-stop for the next two hours. I wrote so much that my hands got tired. I wrote so much rubbish and about anything and everything I could write about. I wrote. If today, I see that paper I will probably die of laughter. But I wrote. No exam could get the better of me. And I passed! I was so excited about passing. It was such a relief. My other scores ensured that my aggregate went up beyond 60 (62%) and I got first class. Mom managed a 35 in the same paper and Vinu managed a 26 and got 9 marks grace. It was an epic paper.

So Jispa – exams are a piece of shit. Don’t give it more importance than they deserve. Go ahead, study for a paper. Give it your best, but please, please don’t cry after the paper is done. It’s over, enjoy, have fun. Learn from there on. Exams are bad things. Don’t give them importance in your life. Study. Study hard but learn more. Have fun giving exams. Write whatever you think is right, write anything, have a blast and come out happy. Whatever you do, don’t get stressed by an exam. Kick its butt, but don’t get stressed by it.

I work hard and try and build a career with pays decently well and I save money. I try to read and teach. I do everything so that some of the basic stuff that I hated while growing up is avoided in your life. The scare of exams rank up there amongst the top things to hate and remove from your life.

Jasmine thinks I am a bit too lenient on this. But I really don’t care. When we conceived Jispa, I was clear. I was going to love my child and have a few things that I will dream for them. I wanted a healthy child, a child that could do good in some sports, a child with insatiable curiosity and a child with little stress to perform – at least little or no stress from me. AND definitely – NO EXAM STRESS.

Now that I think about it, my dad was pretty advanced in his thinking. He told me that till the tenth standard, it is my job to push you to study. After that it’s your problem. True to his word, he never did give me any grief on it afterwards. The least I can do is advance that by two years. Now Jispa is in 8^th. It’s time to back off and to let her pursue what she wants to do and how she wants to do. Basically – let’s not see the grades and stress out.

Enjoy! This is the age to enjoy life and studies not loathe it.