wasted chores

‘DOMESTIC CHORES SAP WOMEN’S ENERGIES. IF THE FAMILY BECOMES THE LIMIT OF YOUR WORLD, THEN YOU CAN NO LONGER THINK BIG’

Haha. Well said Krishna Sobti “Hindi fiction writer and essayist” in the Tehelka.

I have always believed that women have much more potential than is being used. The potential being eaten up by the domestic chores. I don’t believe that domestic chores area waste of time and effort. They definitely add value to the family and keep them going. The question is of margin. Like the old Surf washing powder line – agar kum dam mein utni safedi mile toh phir koi surf na le? If you are wasting potential on chores that can be done by others leaving you to focus on what you believe is important to fulfill your potential, then something is wrong.
Jasmine has been a housewife and we think its important part of Jispa’s growing up. We believe that not having a 24X7 maid in the house for Jispa is important to Jispa’s growing up and our sanity. We can take care of her better and nurture her better. We are also ill prepared for a maid whom we see as a liability. It mean we have to sacrifice a bit but its worth it. Jasmine is definitely adding value to our home by making the conscious call of being a full time mother. But I have always urged her to look around and expand her interests in the free time she gets. We missed having her working before Jispa, something I blame both her family and my mother equally for. I thought it was important for her to work somewhere, anywhere… but hell, we have lived with a lot of calls that conservatism thrust upon us. Add one to that total.
I have seen many women enter the workforce in the time since I started working. You get equal number of them being dim or bright as the men in the workforce. The poor dim women are highlighted and being ridiculed as they are women where as the men, as dim or worse tend to get spared. My take is that given equal probability of intellectual capacity, the women breaking through the glass ceilings and prejudices tend to better than the men. I first tried to have women in my team to balance the ratio, then when it got women centric I tried to balance the ratio the other way. It just couldn’t work. I just couldn’t get any decent men. After specifically asking human resources for men, I still ended up hiring women. The men were just so dumb. Or maybe we just attracted the worst men to apply. Whatever the fault, I ended up having one guy and three girls in the team and the team is kick ass.
Yesterday we were at café coffee day and there also I have been seeing a trend of women being the waiters. These are typically women from possibly middle middle class, speaking simple English and having confidence to talk to customers. They are better than the men waiters for sure. The men tend to be dumb, stupid and lead headed. The women tend to be sweeter, receptive and understand service. You get your oddballs everywhere but I think the probability is better with women. I think it’s the same reason. It takes much for a woman to break tradition and hence by natural filtration the good one pass the sieve. This works at all income levels, as I have seen equal prejudice even at higher incomes.
With so many women entering working class, it creates more competition. It’s a GOOD THING, in case some chauvinists were wondering. There are gains in eth economy that this workforce will add. In India my belief is that this huge economic multiplier is missed by many economists. It is rarely spoken of. I find it quite odd. The benefits go beyond the increase in income level. There are benefits of exposure, understanding, confidence and the like that permeate the population. Mindsets change, minds open, options emerge, directions change.
Do whatever you want as long as you get to choose what you want to do. House must be a choice not a chore. For too many years we have needlessly corked this potential. What a waste!

Recoil Reconcile?

I read on the bus today. The following seat bench is reserved for ‘the old, the physically handicapped and women’. I don’t know women can tolerate this. When they come into office they expect to be treated on par, to be paid equally and to grow equally. I hope to understand the feminist movement, but to then see good strong able women sitting down and classified along with the old and the infirm I wonder. Why would self respecting women accept this? Good educated women must protest, must not seat themselves here and must not expect special favours. Crush hour trains having special compartments, dedicated women trains is probably good, but to classified thus is blow to the feminist movement as I see it.

A small note on Clavin and Hobbes for Jispa when she grows up - Calvin is named for a sixteenth-century theologian John Calvin who believed in predestination; while Hobbes is named after Thomas Hobbes, a seventeenth-century philosopher with a dim view of human nature. Research it up. Its good fun. Do they fit or are they the opposite or it just doesn’t matter and is one of Bill Watterson’s pranks on you.

One of the reasons Jispa loves it is the faces Calvin makes. We should train her thus:-

one large leap

“Ritu and I both will be 15 min late. My chappal fell off d train n she is coming to station with a spare pair 4 me :(” – this is the SMS I received from one of my reportees. Fact is sometimes stranger than fiction.

Life comes a full circle. Sonal used to stay at Bandra all her life. Her dad retired and moved to Kandivili from where she jostles and fights her way to office. I had another girl once who stayed at Marine drive and came to work at Nariman point. Just 5 minutes by road. She got married and moved to Jogeshwari. That’s one and a half hour to work everyday. I had asked to look for the tabelas (hindi for cow sheds). She just nodded thinking this was us pulling her leg. She called up soon after in all excitement saying that she saw the tabelas. Well I told you they were there!

This is but a small example of how women get displaced by marriage and is such a big radical step for them. I am not so sure it’s that big a step for the guy. Best of luck to all the girls!

morning musings

There are many benefits of coming in early to office, but there is one clear big one. NO SWEAT. Yes, no grimy dirty stinky sweaty people. It’s nice and cooler in the mornings so the people are also cleaner, still fresh from their daily lirils and pantene’s. The women with their hair freshly washed and brushed still smelling of fragrant shampoo. They keep the hair open probably because its cooler (heat means tied hair) and they need to dry out form the washing. Its so much a better smell than the silly pungent perfume that use after they reach office. Ya. I could stare at a women’s freshly washed, dry and clean hair for the entire bus journey. Well it does not last more than 7 minutes in the morning though. It’s nice to see the various cuts and styles. Men hairstyles by that yardstick are extremely boring and ugly. I always wanted to learn to cut style hair. It’s so much fun. There is always a style that changes the way people look and feel about themselves. But surprisingly I am quite irritated with my own hair. If I have to comb it too much I just go and cut it. Short – really short! What good for the goose is not for the gander.

Jo bhi hai… on another note I sometimes wonder on the pressure that I am putting on myself. It surprises me how my life has changed, my thinking has changed over the last ten odd years that I have been working. I still get worked about important presentations. I still don’t sleep well before them. Not that I get nervous. I don’t think that’s the issue, I am pretty secure, but the fact that my brain refuses to let it die out. It keeps that top in the mind, constantly thinking, constantly ticking, pushing the bar, improving…. Constantly. Move, shove, push, move, forward… every time. Constantly… PUSH…one day I will tire and rest. I hope I rest content. I cannot imagine resting but someday I hope to. There is also another side that says that I will push on and never rest. I hope never to rest to constantly push, push harder and harder. I like that T shirt sign with Gandhi on the design – ‘my life is my message’. Bang on! Like something profound that I learnt in Jainism (a nice book – a journey through Jainism). In Jainism we go to the temples not to pray and ask but to see the idols of great souls who have given it all up and get inspired by them. By their actions they teach. They do not preach they only do – it is up to us to follow. What a lovely thought. Tough on the others but brilliant. I have always learnt by watching and not by following what people teach. Watching and imbibing is the bets way. Many times, in cricket, in life, at work, i could visualize what the bets in that field would do and try to emulate. It’s like the story of eklavy and dronacharya. By having a statue of the guru is enough to learn. Its not important for any of my guru’s to be physically in front of me. Their images in my mind is more than enough. After all what’s the bloody brain for?

Yesterday was a high point for me in my life at this company. The company did something I cannot disclose but proved to me that I was valuable to them. In fact amongst the top guys in my division (strength 250 heads). That felt good. Emotional. That’s the bond which I have with my organization. That’s what makes us tick. Strong emotional connect? I dunno. Will tell you and let you know when I find out. I think it will be years before I understand, and I would have lost the question as well. So if you are reading this 20 years on and want to know the answer, let me know! I will tell you what I know at that point of time. The fun thing with perspective is that it keeps on changing. Just keeps on changing. PUSH PUSH PUSH…..