war holiday

So the fight between a super hero and world war wages our house as we order the movies to see over the weekend. Jispa never saw the X men with me and now we have to see the Xmen series all over again. I now try to watch all the movies that I wanted to, especially if its gotta do with world war. I love the movies set in the backdrop of the world wars, and the ones that were made in the 60s and 70s were nice enough for me to watch with Jispa. So we got two movies over the weekend. We were to see mine first but then Jispa comes to me saying - lets see the X men first and then I could see mine when she would be doing her home work on Sunday morning.

I was like - why - why would you not want to see the movie. She answers that she has seen enough of war movies. Which ones had she seen, to start with. She described a couple that we have seen over the last two years! Oh damn you. but you enjoyed them, did you. 

well she won and i gave in. We started watching the X men which i had already seen but, i was ok watching it again. Twice is not a bad thing. This was X Men - the final stand.

Since we started the movie early on Saturday evening, we had the chance to catch my movie as well. This was ‘the great escape’. the movie released in 1963 was about Prisoners of war trying to escape a camp they were housed in. It was based on a true story set in 1944. Wow. The prisoners actually dug three holes and finally used one to escape from the camp. Without giving too much away, I loved the bold audacious target of the prisoners of trying to get 250 of themselves to escape. Jasper eventually sat through the movie and enjoyed it. As usual she asked me a few questions through the movie. She never just learns. Every time she doesn't want to see the movie with me and then she will end up liking it. I know her choice of movies and I know she will end up liking it in the end, but she just likes to act up. 

I am sucker for war movies and in them world war II holds a special interest. I am quite amazed that as boys we should have loved the world wars and the all the excitement and interesting history around it but it was taught so badly in school with the text books being a complete sham. I only remember learning by rote the salient features of each of the world wars. Such a wasted opportunity. No real discussion on the wars, the factors that led to them, the aftermath, the politics, the huge development in science and warfare in general, the human suffering on colossal proportions and everything else that went with it. To my mind - the world wars by themselves left such an important mark on humanity as far as contemporary history is concerned, they alone are enough for one full year of history, allowing for ample discussions on it.

For me WWII is far more interesting than WWI. I hardly know anything about WWI but i have read a fair bit about WWII.

Someday when I am older and retired and rich, my ideal holiday would be following the WWII battle field around the world. Staring from Germany to move to France and the Maginot line, going then to Paris, going to Austria and then moving to Stalingrad and then to the battle fields of Egypt, then to Italy, back to London and then on to Moscow, moving to Japan and then coming back home closer to Imphal. One long huge vacation. It will take one year of history reading and one year of researching the places and then atlas 90 days of travelling. It will include modern towns and villages, the beautiful Eagles nest built as getaway for HItler to Auschwitz  concentration camps, to the sand dunes where Rommel fought, the Suez canal, the beautiful city of Paris that the last Nazi commander of the city, Dietrich Hugo Hermann von Choltitz supposedly refused to burn on Hitler’s order. This can be a really beautiful retirement gift to myself.

If I do retire that is. By birth I am a vaniya  which in other words is a banya.. which when added to my gujjuness will ensure that I never retire. I have to earn money all the time. My time is what I have and from that I have to profit. So retiring and seeing the world wont work. I have to get a jackpot and from that I have to do this trip and from then I have to get back to work. The idea is to save up a lot of money so that I can do this trip. Jasmine is not into history but to her credit she has no issues coming with me and figuring her bit. She is happy to come and listen or not… understand the significance or not… She enjoys the moment, the lesson, the story.. only to then let it pass by as if it were nothing. But this would be a fun 90 day trip. Minimum 90 days!

little big dreams

It’s been a really uphill struggle to remain fit and fighting. My bad right knee keeps getting dislocated at the slightest stress. I strap it heavily to play badminton and yet in some vague situations, snap it goes. Now I am used to the drill, it will dislocate and then I will fall and then I will be in grave pain while I straighten my knee and snap, straightening it will get it into place and I can be normal again. But I still wont be able to run hard.

Its seriously my worst nightmare coming true. One of my recurring nightmares has been that I can’t run, a train is running away and I can’t run fast enough to catch it. This nightmare is something that I am living. Running and turning fast and long has been very important to me. And that has stopped. But I am surprised at myself. I have adapted very well. I started badminton instead of squash. It’s easier on the knees and I swim, that’s easiest on them.

Last week, I played a cricket tournament in my colony. I was in the team on reputation I guess. The senior pro who talks like he knows it all. I am still good on the field as a thinker. I may be a better player thinking through the game. I resisted from giving too many comments upfront, but when we lost one match and every one blamed it on bowling, I stood apart and explained how we lost it on batting. We overhauled the batting order and style and smashed through the next couple of games. I was sent in early, in spite of me explaining that I can’t run. I smashed one straight six off the ground and established my reputation. The next match I then destroyed my reputation. Well, almost. I am done with cricket. I dislocated my knee playing a shot, not even running. I retired never to bat again. And my back is sore form the wicket keeping I had to do. That was the only spot available to fielders who can’t run. So now after giving away my kit, I even gave away my bat. Only if it stays out will I not be tempted to play again. I loved my bat. My daughter was asking me if it was my lucky bat. No, I don’t believe in lucky bats but I did have a bat with an amazing balance, weight and power. I have hit a six over covers with that bat. But I knew I had to give it away. Its time. I explained to Jispa that when I was younger – around 25 yrs old, I always wished I had a great bat. Now I have a friend who is that young and plays cricket and he deserves a bat that is this good. What will it do in my house. Let him use it and let him get what I didn’t.

I am happy. I may have gotten old and crippled but I haven’t lost my touch with my emotions. I am happy that I have the heart to give away my equipment while they are still in good condition. And truly give them away, without having any condition attached to them. The only condition I attached to the bat was that – please love it. Respect it. I need not have said it. The boy who took it really loved it and was excited by it. NICE. It’s nice to see such joy. I know what I might have felt to get such a fantastic bat.

So here I am retiring almost from all forms of the game. I am not even fit to play colony cricket. For now atleast. It’s time to swim I guess. Swim and make your muscles. I can’t stay away from a sport. I can’t become round and happy. I have to remain straight and fit.

In swimming I learnt all the four strokes, though not all proficiently… but I know them. Only one thing remains – the tumble turn. Jispa is after me to learn it from her. I hate it as whenever I try it, I lose all orientation and water enters my nose giving me a fizzy head. But I have to try it, once that’s done, a big dream will be done. And what better way to fulfill your dream than having your daughter helping you along the way.

morning musings

There are many benefits of coming in early to office, but there is one clear big one. NO SWEAT. Yes, no grimy dirty stinky sweaty people. It’s nice and cooler in the mornings so the people are also cleaner, still fresh from their daily lirils and pantene’s. The women with their hair freshly washed and brushed still smelling of fragrant shampoo. They keep the hair open probably because its cooler (heat means tied hair) and they need to dry out form the washing. Its so much a better smell than the silly pungent perfume that use after they reach office. Ya. I could stare at a women’s freshly washed, dry and clean hair for the entire bus journey. Well it does not last more than 7 minutes in the morning though. It’s nice to see the various cuts and styles. Men hairstyles by that yardstick are extremely boring and ugly. I always wanted to learn to cut style hair. It’s so much fun. There is always a style that changes the way people look and feel about themselves. But surprisingly I am quite irritated with my own hair. If I have to comb it too much I just go and cut it. Short – really short! What good for the goose is not for the gander.

Jo bhi hai… on another note I sometimes wonder on the pressure that I am putting on myself. It surprises me how my life has changed, my thinking has changed over the last ten odd years that I have been working. I still get worked about important presentations. I still don’t sleep well before them. Not that I get nervous. I don’t think that’s the issue, I am pretty secure, but the fact that my brain refuses to let it die out. It keeps that top in the mind, constantly thinking, constantly ticking, pushing the bar, improving…. Constantly. Move, shove, push, move, forward… every time. Constantly… PUSH…one day I will tire and rest. I hope I rest content. I cannot imagine resting but someday I hope to. There is also another side that says that I will push on and never rest. I hope never to rest to constantly push, push harder and harder. I like that T shirt sign with Gandhi on the design – ‘my life is my message’. Bang on! Like something profound that I learnt in Jainism (a nice book – a journey through Jainism). In Jainism we go to the temples not to pray and ask but to see the idols of great souls who have given it all up and get inspired by them. By their actions they teach. They do not preach they only do – it is up to us to follow. What a lovely thought. Tough on the others but brilliant. I have always learnt by watching and not by following what people teach. Watching and imbibing is the bets way. Many times, in cricket, in life, at work, i could visualize what the bets in that field would do and try to emulate. It’s like the story of eklavy and dronacharya. By having a statue of the guru is enough to learn. Its not important for any of my guru’s to be physically in front of me. Their images in my mind is more than enough. After all what’s the bloody brain for?

Yesterday was a high point for me in my life at this company. The company did something I cannot disclose but proved to me that I was valuable to them. In fact amongst the top guys in my division (strength 250 heads). That felt good. Emotional. That’s the bond which I have with my organization. That’s what makes us tick. Strong emotional connect? I dunno. Will tell you and let you know when I find out. I think it will be years before I understand, and I would have lost the question as well. So if you are reading this 20 years on and want to know the answer, let me know! I will tell you what I know at that point of time. The fun thing with perspective is that it keeps on changing. Just keeps on changing. PUSH PUSH PUSH…..