the struggle to reach the fleeting buddha

I still find it queer (pun unintended) that a lot of us educated people are also homophobic. My favorite rejoinder is when people talk about how in today’s generation, we will have to accept whatever cast or creed the person who our kids choose as their life partners. I correct them to ‘yes, also whatever the sex of their partner is’. Invariably I get a slight pause. The person looks at me, catches my eye for a few seconds and tries to ascertain if I was cracking a joke or something. Nopes – no response. It’s obviously not cool to be a homophobic. So in the face of a high moral ground taken, the other guy invariably is silent. Yes I have a daughter and yes I am ok to the choice of her partner. Surely I will freak out if she chooses a druggie or someone I consider completely dumb. Also it’s another story that I am likely to find anyone who has an IQ slightly lower than Einstein as dumb especially if that person is dating my daughter. But definitely the sex bit is out of the equation.

So if it’s a senior person I am talking to – I always learnt to give that person an exit hatch. I allow that person to wiggle out of a potential wedge. So this time I allowed for – it will take one more generation for us to accept same sex marriage as it will take this generation to accept inter cast marriage. Hehe.

Allowing an exit hatch in a conversation is something I have learnt over a period of time. Especially when you have the benefit of strong insight or knowledge behind you or simply you have a strong enough counter opinion.  Life is too short to fight over such small issues such as a humble opinion. So many times I actively try getting an outlet. So I explain how the other point of view is valid and likely to be the right one or search for an excuse to honorably exit. Too many wars have been fought over petty ego issues.

There was one other incident somewhere related to this issue. I was being wooed for a job by a senior person recently. I declined but was happy to recommend a friend. The friend then told me that while having a conversation with the senior guy, the senior guy referred to me as ‘The Buddha’. To my mind there is no better compliment than that. Especially considering the fact that I have consciously worked on this. I laughed and told the friend that if you were to tell my mom something like this then my mom would burst out laughing. Jaimit a Buddha? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. I told my wife about the incident and guess what – she almost spat out her coffee and started laughing. ‘you a Buddha?’ HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sure. That’s the drift. Dam you guys!

Being a Buddha doesn’t come easily. You need economy of motion and expression and mental thought. The ability to leave things there while simultaneously trying to change them. That did not make sense did it – then it is a buddha’ism. But seriously that word struck me serious. I managed to, in some small tiny way, achieve a balance in my persona and achieved for however a fleeting moment – the concept of the Buddha. It felt really really nice. A lot of that comes in meetings when you don’t fight on ego and when you allow the honorable exit in meetings and discussion and then when you take people’s opinion and try and forge a consensus. And people like me – die a thousand deaths in the process. It is unnatural and difficult. But I am still gloating about the fact that someone referred to me as the Buddha. However fleeting a moment – you live in it for eternity… a ha that’s another one that didn’t make any sense… or did it.

And just a verse from William Blake. I recently read it and hence the show off

To see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

Change adal badal

Ok. We did it. Now we have lesser bragging rights and thing less to show the world what a lovely clean and so smart family we are. We succumbed to the lure of entertainment. We finally bought a TV. After around five years of resisting and having a perfectly normal and perhaps far more enriching life. But we haven’t still sold our soul completely. We haven’t still got a cable connection at home. This one is exclusively for watching movies.
I was still trying to resist the idea when Jasmine brought it up. Our laptop had conked. Poor thing it has lasted us around five years. We kept it largely clean and simple with all the data in the hard drives. It still manages to boot up and connect to the internet, but it refuses to play the optical drives. So this vacation Jasmine was very unhappy that Jispa wouldn’t get her normal dose of movie watching which we happily get her on the laptop. I was more than happy to get one big piece home. Possibly a 17 inch laptop so that you get your laptop and a tv screen as well. Jasmine was adamant. TV it is. So after agonising a bit, I even tried procrastinating, so that she might pass it on, I finally said ‘chalo, we buy this piece today. TV buying was amazingly complex. Too many choices. So I just went to a friend’s shop who sold TVs. He simply asked what I needed it for and recommended the Plasma TV. He reasoned that it is cheaper than the new fangled LED TVs but is ideal to watch movies as the picture quality is better. LCD and LED TVs are sharper but they seem too sharp. The colors aren’t what the movie actually had. Unnecessarily brighter. The only drawback of the Plasma being the reflection from ambient light. But if it was only movies and typically we would darken the room, the Plasma would suit us just fine. Quick online searches also seemed to say something similar.
So we now have a 42 inch Full HD TV. A decent size for the hall when taken in length. Jispa was also very happy. I told her to thank mommy. I was the original opposer! But I guess it’s a good buy. We can now see the action movies or any other movies that we miss at the theatres. Saturday or Friday evening can be a bit more relaxing. The burn in the pocket – around 50 k with a DVD player, thrown in. The first movie we saw on Sunday when we installed the TV – ICE AGE 2. It was pretty cool. I really thought that the picture quality was excellent. But then as someone from my team asked – so how is your new TV? ‘What a question’ I answered. ‘you want me to say bad things about a TV I just bought? I am trying to justify every penny of it for Christ’s sake.’
So now Jispa’s vacation just got prettier. But to talk about bad timing, my office research project also just kicked off and I would be living out of a suitcase for the next month. Just in time to miss Jispa’s vacation. It’s nice during vacations, Jispa is awake by the time I come home. She plays, she reads, we talk, we eat dinner together etc. I miss this during her school days when her morning school ensures she sleeps pretty early.
Also Jispa is growing up. All my fatherhood I thought I would be a permissive father. A father who would allow Jispa a lot of freedom. Recently I realised that possibly not. I am just another pain in the neck pop who likes his daughter close to him. So these days when jasmine lets Jispa play down with her new found friends till late, I realised that I wanted and was happy to have my daughter close to me. While we expose her to a lot of experiences, I am not sure we are as liberal in exposing her independence. I think I particularly have a far more controlled environment for her. I take too much care of her, I want her in sight all the time. I want to know where she is and what she does all the time. At around 8 – 9 years, she is a mini adult. A grown up who understands, thinks and remembers. A person capable of independent thought, capable of handling herself.
As a friend recently remarked – I think I have to learn to let go. Can I? Reading the Buddha book on psychotherapy has taught me not to give advice to anyone at the drop of a hat. To know that people will solve issue son their own. They don’t really need you to help them solve it. I realised that most of the time they only need support. Sometimes it’s going to go against my wish, my immediate reaction, but I am going to be there – period. I am not giving advice any more.
I find it weird but it’s almost like saying ‘its your shit’, your call, your life. In any case most of us don’t really want advice; they want to do what they want to. Whatever you say will be interpreted by their brain in their way towards their goals and objectives. A certain sense of calm suddenly seems to have been come over me. It is still draining but a less intensive sort of way.
Possibly I will learn to let go. Relax. Possibly it will help Jispa. Possibly it is freeing Jasmine a bit. You know what – now knowing for sure that you know nothing is such a relief. I not someone blessed by God to solve people’s problems. I just happened to be there when someone needed me. Period. Its so nice not to be Budhha. Ya ya. I guess I was in some sense egoistic about being one. Self deluded about my knowledge. I am nothing. I do not have the ability to solve people’s issues. Who says they need solving? We don’t even know that. If I feel strongly I will say it and let go. I think I am changing. My wife thinks I am changing. I hope I am changing. I am happy at least I am receptive. But at the same time it hurts me to think that I was not that a good smart guy after all. I was an ass that needed change. Eeps. It hurts, no I am not depressed about it, but it hurts. When Jasmine felt that I changed for the better, I did not know whether to be happy that I did change or to feel sad that I needed to change.
Screw it. I am changing and I feel better. So we figure out life anew. Hopefully I can look at this and say this is my second big transformation. The first one happened when I interacted with two great souls and outstanding minds, Rajesh Sahadevan and Dharen Chaddha. This was in 2003/4. This is the second wave that could possibly completely radically alter my thought process.
To talk about Dharen, since when the research started I cannot but remember my days with him. Today when I am doing research I can only thank him and rajesh for showing me what is marketing all about; and thanks to that people in my team can possibly learn from my experience. Simple listening and straight forward thinking is giving me a whale of an opportunity to change the firm I am in. Mostly I will not change it too much, but I can make small impacts, small push to the wheel. Small addition to momentum or simply removal of stones blocking the path.
I have already learnt so many lessons and we haven’t even reached the half way stage. Hectic days that start early and end late are all worth it when you learn like this. Wow. I am super excited and super charged. Now just to ensure that too many people don’t dampen this enthusiasm. Dharen please be with me on this one and show me light.
PS – I recently spoke to Dharen after 7 odd years. I could nothing more than just simply keep crying on the phone while talking to him. He is my God. My Dronacharya who I keep in mind while practising. I know I take a few shortcuts but I still know and I hope he will understand, that I am not selling my soul, but I am merely buying peace, so that a bigger goal is achieved. Dharen, I need you now as much as ever and you are there with me as much as ever.

see and tell

Indian museums are surely getting nicer. Nopes they aren’t doing anything new. They only seem to have allowed some private guy to sell handsets that give you a low down on the museums most interesting exhibits. That completely changed the way I saw the Prince of Wales museum in Mumbai. We have been through it twice with the handsets. These well produced audio tours are well produced and manage to give you interesting insights with an Indian accented person talking along with the right music and other sounds. It’s a proper two hour tour which completely opens up the museum for lay people.
We also pleasantly surprised to have the same service in the Delhi museum. The Delhi museum is nice with some very interesting exhibits. It is even air conditioned making it a perfect place for an afternoon refuge. We use the compulsory layover in Delhi, in between the Rajdhani arrival and the late even train departure to the hills as an excuse to see Delhi one monument at a time. I normally book an A/c cab to take us through the day. This time the cab driver had no clue where the museum was. He was a Delhi tourist driver and had never been to the place. I was quite surprised. Luckily I had the lonely planet handy and I showed him the location on the map. He remarked that he had never been here. He mumbled something about people normally wanting to go to appu ghar instead. He knew where that was. Haha. Same difference, I guess. Only thing is that the elephant here is around 5000 years.
So we went to the museum to find that it opens later in the morning. So some standard tomfoolery around rashtrapti bhavan and we managed to kill some time to hit the museum. Monuments are always interesting. Everytime I see the India gate I am quite amazed at the geometry. The straight lines that lead to the Rashtrapti Bhavan and I there is something right about what you see through the India gate if you stand dead straight. I am sure the Lutyens had visualised what you must see from the gate of the Rashtrapti Bhavan through the India gate and vice versa. The lines seem to fit so correctly. I tried showing that to Jispa. She seems to be appreciating my attempt to educate her. Haha.


We then hit the museum and had the audio tour guide us. I am no museum expert. But somehow it misses the aura and charm of the Mumbai museum. Possibly its the structure but the even the way the museum is designed or the stuff is exhibited, it somehow does miss the charm. There is little natural light and the whole place is badly lit. Almost a drab. As I had earlier blogged about – the highlight was what is believed to be the actual remain s of the Buddha. No idea why it isn’t so publicised. No one believes it when I tell them. I have to show the photograph.


Here am I with another exhibit. The Natraj. To me my fascination with it suddenly began when I decided to understand it further. To me it is the Indian equivalent of the yin and yan. The confluence of two opposing forces together in one frame. To my mind – in harmony. I don’t know if they are supposed to be in harmony in the Natraj, but for me it is something that yin and yan stood for, the belief that opposites must reconcile. One is merely a reason for the other. One cannot have one without the other. Nopes, I did not bother explain that to Jispa for now, but what I loved was explaining the damuru for the creation and the fire for destruction. The right hand in a mudra that symbolises protection, the other hand pointing towards the toe, and finally the stamp on top of the demon of ego and ignorance. I too don’t remember all the significance at all the times. The audio tours helps.


I am sure Jispa would not be able to retain it all but I guess the fun of being in a museum and discovering it all is something jasmine and I are very happy to have given her. We both attempt to explain and expose her to as many concepts as possible. We want her to ask many questions and seek many answers. I am happy answering but I guess I am at the happiest best when I finally don’t know. When her curiosity gets better of me and I am finally lost. That’s a victory.

Here is the ultimate photo. She is on her own trying to understand an exhibit. We were too tired to be involved in all. Not enough seating there, but Jispa wanted to see it all. He knows at last my response will, dont know, will have to ask Google.


PS: Why dont we have audio tours by age. Shouldn't the younger lot also have a custom designed audio tour?

zen in the art of english

It’s nice to have a robust vocabulary. One must use words to convey what one means and it pays (probably) to have an arsenal on your side. I read a fair bit but I am probably constrained in this regard. I have a pretty average vocabulary consisting of everyday words and not anything esoteric.
One of things that I remember being taught about Buddha was that he taught to his followers in a simple language. Thats how the message spread. So when I read ‘the book of Buddha’ by Arundhathi Subramanian, it was quite a task. Quite ‘unbuddha-like’. Here are 55 words I have marked out. From a 139 page thing book. Some you might know approximate meaning, some you will know for sure and some … take a wild guess. No I am not providing answers. Do your own bit of googling. Read at your own risk (to you English ego). Even after looking them up I would still forget to know the meanings.

Sacerdotal
Intercession
Doctrinaire
Veracity
Succour
Apocryphal
Searing
Palliatives
Desiccation
Interstice
Kierkegaardian
Self abnegating
Ascriptive
Esoteric
Exoteric
Pedagogic
Hagiography
Procrustean
Raconteurs
Canon
Florid
Parasol
Eulogize
Patrician
Hedonist
Heterodox
Equanimity
Dialectic
Maelstrom
Mephistophelean
Proselytizer
Dystopic
Galilee
Vicarious
Parricide
Transmigrating
Noumenon
Praxis
Geriatric
Ennui
Sentience
Posit
Welter
Proclivity
Volitional
Emancipated
Ardor
Fecund
Nihilism
Cataclysmic
Syncretic
Propitiate
Laconic
Beatitude
Carapaces

long live buddha, kill him on the road

One thing leads to another. Someone left a small note “check out 'if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him!' by sheldon b. kopp”. I checked it up on the net and found a para which I think is bang on. I have always looked for answers within and I so believe in this and i quote from the link

The Zen Master warns: "If you meet Buddha on the road, kill him!" This admonition points up that no meaning that comes from outside ourselves is real. The Buddhahood of each of us has already been obtained. We need only recognize it. Killing the Buddha on the road means destroying the hope that anything outside of ourselves can be our master. We must each give up the master without giving up the search. The importance of things lies in the way we have learned to think about them. How often we make circumstances our prison and other people our jailers! At our best we take full responsibility for what we do and what we choose not to do. The most important struggles take place within the self.