little big dreams

It’s been a really uphill struggle to remain fit and fighting. My bad right knee keeps getting dislocated at the slightest stress. I strap it heavily to play badminton and yet in some vague situations, snap it goes. Now I am used to the drill, it will dislocate and then I will fall and then I will be in grave pain while I straighten my knee and snap, straightening it will get it into place and I can be normal again. But I still wont be able to run hard.

Its seriously my worst nightmare coming true. One of my recurring nightmares has been that I can’t run, a train is running away and I can’t run fast enough to catch it. This nightmare is something that I am living. Running and turning fast and long has been very important to me. And that has stopped. But I am surprised at myself. I have adapted very well. I started badminton instead of squash. It’s easier on the knees and I swim, that’s easiest on them.

Last week, I played a cricket tournament in my colony. I was in the team on reputation I guess. The senior pro who talks like he knows it all. I am still good on the field as a thinker. I may be a better player thinking through the game. I resisted from giving too many comments upfront, but when we lost one match and every one blamed it on bowling, I stood apart and explained how we lost it on batting. We overhauled the batting order and style and smashed through the next couple of games. I was sent in early, in spite of me explaining that I can’t run. I smashed one straight six off the ground and established my reputation. The next match I then destroyed my reputation. Well, almost. I am done with cricket. I dislocated my knee playing a shot, not even running. I retired never to bat again. And my back is sore form the wicket keeping I had to do. That was the only spot available to fielders who can’t run. So now after giving away my kit, I even gave away my bat. Only if it stays out will I not be tempted to play again. I loved my bat. My daughter was asking me if it was my lucky bat. No, I don’t believe in lucky bats but I did have a bat with an amazing balance, weight and power. I have hit a six over covers with that bat. But I knew I had to give it away. Its time. I explained to Jispa that when I was younger – around 25 yrs old, I always wished I had a great bat. Now I have a friend who is that young and plays cricket and he deserves a bat that is this good. What will it do in my house. Let him use it and let him get what I didn’t.

I am happy. I may have gotten old and crippled but I haven’t lost my touch with my emotions. I am happy that I have the heart to give away my equipment while they are still in good condition. And truly give them away, without having any condition attached to them. The only condition I attached to the bat was that – please love it. Respect it. I need not have said it. The boy who took it really loved it and was excited by it. NICE. It’s nice to see such joy. I know what I might have felt to get such a fantastic bat.

So here I am retiring almost from all forms of the game. I am not even fit to play colony cricket. For now atleast. It’s time to swim I guess. Swim and make your muscles. I can’t stay away from a sport. I can’t become round and happy. I have to remain straight and fit.

In swimming I learnt all the four strokes, though not all proficiently… but I know them. Only one thing remains – the tumble turn. Jispa is after me to learn it from her. I hate it as whenever I try it, I lose all orientation and water enters my nose giving me a fizzy head. But I have to try it, once that’s done, a big dream will be done. And what better way to fulfill your dream than having your daughter helping you along the way.