Jispa was listening to a song which I recognized. It was “fast car” in a version that I was not so familiar with. It sounded different… i wasn't sure if i liked it.
I asked her, is it fast car? yup it was… but happened to it. I told her its a remixed versions of the original. Ya? So today when she did not have swimming I had to drop her to the school, Jispa was pretty excited. She had made it clear at home itself that we were going to listen to songs along the way. She started with her version of Fast Car. Then I asked her to play the original by Tracy Chapman. Tracy’s version is brilliant and her voice is clear and the words play out brilliantly. Jispa and I were in unison, the original was much better than the remix. Then I asked her to play my favorite song. I used to play it earlier when she was much smaller. She vaguely remembered it. And through the song I could practically sing it word for word. It was fun, singing it in the car with Jispa. The song I sang - With or without you by U2. A classic rock song.
This was my brothers favorite song and from that it became mine :). Its nice to pass some legacy to Jispa.
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Last weekend was race weekend. The final and most important meet of the swim calendar as far as Mumbai is concerned was held this weekend. This meet decides the top swimmers of Mumbai who will represent us in the state meet. I went in expecting nothing much. Jispa has been a good swimmer, a very good swimmer, but in India, you really have to be really damn good to be amongst the medals. There are so many of us competing. The famous line is that even when you are 1 in a million then there are more than a thousand of you. As the kids grow up more and more kids give up swimming. For many reasons - studies or simply boredom! the pry maid grows narrower. Also now in her age group she needs to specialise as every kid is allowed only five individual events to compete in. Jispa did us proud. very proud. She got through events with three golds and two bronze. She added two relay Gold medals to her kitty as well. She was the best back stroker with Golds in the 50, 100 and the 200 meters. With the bronze coming in the 100 and 200 free. With this she missed the runner up trophy by a small point difference as the runner up went to the girl who did two gold and three silver. Hah! Missed by this much. But all said and done it was a brilliant performance. I had never thought that she would be this good. In one of the back stroke races, i watched it from the gallery and saw her score an easy victory. An easy victory robs you of some type of joy. So I dryly asked after the event, if she broker the record. A swim mother near by heard me and said “thats exactly what we are. First we want them to get a medal, then we want gold and now when they get gold, we ask for a record time”. We swim parents are never happy are we? I think we parents are never happy. So ashamed was I from my behavior. I had shown no joy and no real emotion on this success. After the events I made it a point to show my pleasure and pride to Jispa. I thought it was necessary to celebrate a bit of the success we had achieved. And what better way to celebrate the victory by going immediately to the store and buying Jispa her bluetooth music player.
As Jispa grows its nice shopping with her. We tend to look at stuff similarly in many ways. We have bought stuff together and had fun doing it, both online and in stores. It is a sharp contrast from the earlier days it was a pain to shop with her. Sh wouldn't know her style and we would tear our head apart trying to get her to shop. I think Jasmine still doesn't like shopping with her. Lets recount some nice experiences. One was when we bought distress jeans! Yo man, When Jispa asked me if I could buy her distressed jeans, of course I said yes. I wear distressed jeans and there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to wear it. Only difference is that I have never “bought” distressed jeans. My jeans became distressed after years of use. After they got old, they would naturally tear. I have of course perfected a technique to help them get distressed. You take a scissor and then you take the blade and scrape the jeans near where you want them to tear. The blue three wears away leaving the white three grip exposed perfectly. Jispa wanted to buy jeans and distress them in the same way. Jasmine wouldn't have any of it. think mothers are programmed to think in a single direction. So all we did is that we bought new distressed jeans, thanks to ME. Hah! I was the one who searched for the distressed jeans that were just cool enough. Another thing that I have bought for her, is that I first shortlisted a denim shirt and a white shirt. i knew what she wanted. I have got a handle on her style. I did this online and then waited for her to confirm it before ordering it. I also bought for her, her super awesome ankle length canvas Converse sneakers. The really cool ones. Its much better when dad and daughter get a common sense of style and also music.
This sounds banal enough but you have no clue how much it means to me that we are able to do stuff together. Even buying the bluetooth speakers, Jasmine was happy to just hang around as we heard the various speakers on offer. We were commenting like audiophiles on the sound quality and the boom and the clarity of vocals etc. We heard the sony, the LG and even the Bose speakers before honing in on the one we want. The Bose did sound a bit clearer. It cost three times the Sony one we liked. Jasmine was happy to go for the Bose. Then Jispa and I conferred and we decided that we will got or the Sony. Simple - if she roams around with Bose it would be too much responsibility to handle. This Sony is far less expensive to loose. That was the simple arithmetic in both our heads. The sound was not that much better in comparison to the price headache that gave it too much responsibility. Complex decisions are taken by simple considerations.
When parenting Jispa the big issues are simply trying to get a common perspective on various things. Shopping, clothes, music, style whatever. Of all JIspa has the least choice by the simple thing of her being the tiny child, but as a parent we have to realize that we will get richer not by our choices but by hers. She is the new lot, she will define our life from now on. She will be exposed to various new stimuli and trends that we have to learn from. We as adults have to use our experience to allow then into our lives. As is in parenting so is in life. The experience that you gain as an adult as you get older is worth only to tell you your potential pitfalls or to analyze the situation. it doesn't tell you what is right. It can tell you what looks to be probabilistically right, but only from your older, now fast going defunct experience. In my new job I am the oldest man on the floor. Here also I have tried to bring the same approach. You know a lot of shit when you see it but you also don't know when you are going to be blind sided. You have to always allow yourself to see the new persecutive and bet some on it. Any new idea and and new way to do things is what you have to keep a watch for. One simple trick that I taught my self a few years ago keeps me in good stead. in any conversation where there is someone trying to tell something new and if I am not sure I buy it, I recreate the argument and open my mouth trying to praraphrase his argument taking his side. So this way it is very clear in my head that I have given it my best shot before rejecting the idea. Also I hope it gives the person on the other side a clear indication that I have given it my best shot and audibly argued the both sides before deciding on the course of action.
you will still make mistakes, not connect, build enemies and be a dud but at least this way you have given it your best shot. Many times i think I have reconsidered my original action and have decided to go with the other way. It is a big one and I wonder why this simple trick is not taught in any management classes or text book. In an argument agree with the other person to start with and then build your case - this way you don't have an argument to start with. WAT SAY?
