management principals from shopping with your daughter?

Jispa was listening to a song which I recognized. It was “fast car” in a version that I was not so familiar with. It sounded different… i wasn't sure if i liked it.

I asked her, is it fast car? yup it was… but happened to it. I told her its a remixed versions of the original. Ya? So today when she did not have swimming I had to drop her to the school, Jispa was pretty excited. She had made it clear at home itself that we were going to listen to songs along the way. She started with her version of Fast Car. Then I asked her to play the original by Tracy Chapman. Tracy’s version is brilliant and her voice is clear and the words play out brilliantly. Jispa and I were in unison, the original was much better than the remix. Then I asked her to play my favorite song. I used to play it earlier when she was much smaller. She vaguely remembered it. And through the song I could practically sing it word for word. It was fun, singing it in the car with Jispa. The song I sang - With or without you by U2. A classic rock song.

This was my brothers favorite song and from that it became mine :). Its nice to pass some legacy to Jispa.

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Last weekend was race weekend. The final and most important meet of the swim calendar as far as Mumbai is concerned was held this weekend. This meet decides the top swimmers of Mumbai who will represent us in the state meet. I went in expecting nothing much. Jispa has been a good swimmer, a very good swimmer, but in India, you really have to be really damn good to be amongst the medals. There are so many of us competing. The famous line is that even when you are 1 in a million then there are more than a thousand of you. As the kids grow up more and more kids give up swimming. For many reasons - studies or simply boredom! the pry maid grows narrower. Also now in her age group she needs to specialise as every kid is allowed only five individual events to compete in. Jispa did us proud. very proud. She got through events with three golds and two bronze. She added two relay Gold medals to her kitty as well. She was the best back stroker with Golds in the 50, 100 and the 200 meters. With the bronze coming in the 100 and 200 free. With this she missed the runner up trophy by a small point difference as the runner up went to the girl who did two gold and three silver. Hah! Missed by this much. But all said and done it was a brilliant performance. I had never thought that she would be this good. In one of the back stroke races, i watched it from the gallery and saw her score an easy victory. An easy victory robs you of some type of joy. So I dryly asked after the event, if she broker the record. A swim mother near by heard me and said “thats exactly what we are. First we want them to get a medal, then we want gold and now when they get gold, we ask for a record time”. We swim parents are never happy are we? I think we parents are never happy. So ashamed was I from my behavior. I had shown no joy and no real emotion on this success. After the events I made it a point to show my pleasure and pride to Jispa. I thought it was necessary to celebrate a bit of the success we had achieved. And what better way to celebrate the victory by going immediately to the store and buying Jispa her bluetooth music player.

As Jispa grows its nice shopping with her. We tend to look at stuff similarly in many ways. We have bought stuff together and had fun doing it, both online and in stores. It is a sharp contrast from the earlier days it was a pain to shop with her. Sh wouldn't know her style and we would tear our head apart trying to get her to shop. I think Jasmine still doesn't like shopping with her. Lets recount some nice experiences. One was when we bought distress jeans! Yo man, When Jispa asked me if I could buy her distressed jeans, of course I said yes. I wear distressed jeans and there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to wear it. Only difference is that I have never “bought” distressed jeans. My jeans became distressed after years of use. After they got old, they would naturally tear. I have of course perfected a technique to help them get distressed. You take a scissor and then you take the blade and scrape the jeans near where you want them to tear. The blue three wears away leaving the white three grip exposed perfectly. Jispa wanted to buy jeans and distress them in the same way. Jasmine wouldn't have any of it. think mothers are programmed to think in a single direction. So all we did is that we bought new distressed jeans, thanks to ME. Hah! I was the one who searched for the distressed jeans that were just cool enough. Another thing that I have bought for her, is that I first shortlisted a denim shirt and a white shirt. i knew what she wanted. I have got a handle on her style. I did this online and then waited for her to confirm it before ordering it. I also bought for her, her super awesome ankle length canvas Converse sneakers. The really cool ones. Its much better when dad and daughter get a common sense of style and also music.

This sounds banal enough but you have no clue how much it means to me that we are able to do stuff together. Even buying the bluetooth speakers, Jasmine was happy to just hang around as we heard the various speakers on offer. We were commenting like audiophiles on the sound quality and the boom and the clarity of vocals etc. We heard the sony, the LG and even the Bose speakers before honing in on the one we want. The Bose did sound a bit clearer. It cost three times the Sony one we liked. Jasmine was happy to go for the Bose. Then Jispa and I conferred and we decided that we will got or the Sony. Simple - if she roams around with Bose it would be too much responsibility to handle. This Sony is far less expensive to loose. That was the simple arithmetic in both our heads. The sound was not that much better in comparison to the price headache that gave it too much responsibility. Complex decisions are taken by simple considerations.

When parenting Jispa the big issues are simply trying to get a common perspective on various things. Shopping, clothes, music, style whatever. Of all JIspa has the least choice by the simple thing of her being the tiny child, but as a parent we have to realize that we will get richer not by our choices but by hers. She is the new lot, she will define our life from now on. She will be exposed to various new stimuli and trends that we have to learn from. We as adults have to use our experience to allow then into our lives. As is in parenting so is in life. The experience that you gain as an adult as you get older is worth only to tell you your potential pitfalls or to analyze the situation. it doesn't tell you what is right. It can tell you what looks to be probabilistically right, but only from your older, now fast going defunct experience. In my new job I am the oldest man on the floor. Here also I have tried to bring the same approach. You know  a lot of shit when you see it but you also don't know when you are going to be blind sided. You have to always allow yourself to see the new persecutive and bet some on it. Any new idea and and new way to do things is what you have to keep a watch for. One simple trick that I taught my self a few years ago keeps me in good stead. in any conversation where there is someone trying to tell something new and if I am not sure I buy it, I recreate the argument and open my mouth trying to praraphrase his argument taking his side. So this way it is very clear in my head that I have given it my best shot before rejecting the idea. Also I hope it gives the person on the other side a clear indication that I have given it my best shot and audibly argued the both sides before deciding on the course of action.

you will still make mistakes, not connect, build enemies and be a dud but at least this way you have given it your best shot. Many times i think I have reconsidered my original action and have decided to go with the other way. It is a big one and I wonder why this simple trick is not taught in any management classes or text book. In an argument agree with the other person to start with and then build your case  - this way you don't have an argument to start with. WAT SAY?

as blunt as a knife

A few weeks back Jispa had her 100 meter freestyle event. Normally Jispa doesn’t do too well in the 100 mtr race. She like the 50 mtr. We thought that’s because she needs to build greater strength and stamina. That was also one the prime reasons we took Jispa to a nutritionist who specializes in children sports nutrition. We were hoping that eating right would help her build some strength and help her in the longer races. But ofcourse  we weren’t expecting a miracle too soon. These things do take a long time to settle in. Though I think the right approach to eating does pay some immediate dividends.

But something else happened in this race. This was a 25 mtr pool and hence it’s a four  legged race. Jispa was in lane 5 and by chance her friend from our club itself was in lane 4. As the race started, her friend who is normally better in the longer races set off. Jispa followed a little behind. Throughout the first fifty she tailed her friend. Then something happened. I saw something that I haven’t seen in Jispa’s race before. Her second fifty was faster than the first. Normally Jispa’s second fifty is quite bad. But she took off and slowly built a lead over her friend, ever so marginal but a lead nevertheless. Wow, something interesting was going on. Then in the last 25 some reserve energy came in and she went even faster to beat her friend in the race. Not that she was medal prospect or something but she did improve her timing. Even her coach who was watching this was quite amazed. “Great timing”, he congratulated her, “but, your second fifty was faster than your first fifty”. Basically you normally don’t do that, you should logically slow down as your energy wears off.

A few weeks back we had a parents-teacher meeting at Jispa’s school. Jispa is a sweet kid, largely stays out of trouble, never gets into fights nor is she bothered by the girl politics playing around. She is completely chilled and unaffected by it all. A lot like Jasmine I guess. So these meetings are always nice and sweet with the teachers never having anything really big to say. As the meeting was drawing to a close, her teacher told us “Jispa is a lovely child, she is very good, but…. But…. “ I guess she did not know how to put it. “but… she is not ..” I forget what word she used but, basically she meant Jispa is not aggressive or ambitious or a take charge kind of girl. She is very happy and content. Like if the teacher wants someone to get chalk or someone to do some work, Jispa isn’t the enthusiastic raising hands jumping in plea volunteer. She is happy being seated.

Yes, she isn’t that ambitious yet. She is content and is not interested in too many incentives or positions. She likes to do stuff but not necessarily has the killer instinct to win at all costs. She is contented and happy. Now that is a good thing in many ways and we also have brought her up that way. We haven’t taught her to kill or to covet winning at all costs. I have always maintained that desire to win or perform must come from inside of you. You don’t have to win because your dad wants you to win. You have to win because you want to or you think it’s in you to win. Her teacher also admitted that its possibly a good thing but she was possibly lamenting that it could be a waste of talent or something not to be ambitious or to be contented.

Now after the race, I asked her, what she was doing. I suspected that she pushed herself as her friend was in the next lane and that turned out to be the real reason. She wanted to beat her. Something inside of her came alive. She wanted to compete. Sure Jispa like competing and competing hard and coming ahead but it’s not the winning. Difficult to really explain, but it’s a case of opposites reconciling. Try to win but not really covet winning. Her coach and I had a discussion on this today. I said she isn’t really that ambitious but I guess she needs to know how good she really is. Her coach told me that he is waiting. He believes that Jispa is a great potential. Once her mind will flip and she decides that she is a good swimmer and she is capable of much more, then she will suddenly zoom ahead.

Ya I agree. This race was testimony to the fact there is much more to her than she shows. She is capable of performing better. She needs to realize this on her own at her own time. Only when she realizes this on her will she emerge from her own shadow. She is talented, physically fit, mentally sharp and a nice amiable kid. Can be become sharp without losing her … BLUNT? That is for us to find out.

first in the family

Well…  the story was so big that I never got around to writing the whole thing. At the start of the month, Jispa finally completed in the annual state level swim meet. She was never in the medal hunt and we were there largely for the experience. Her coach said that this was a stepping stone meet for her. Her big chance should come two years hence. She had started competitively coaching only quite late and her strokes still needed to be worked upon. But nevertheless she qualified by virtue of being in the top four for the relay championship. Here I was pretty confident on her winning. I think she was as well. This was a dream team and the difference between the swimmers was very narrow. I think it was around a second and a half within the team. It was an ace swimming team. They won gold. So here…..

That is Jispa’s first gold medal of real consequence. We are proud parents for sure. A nice top off to a tough year. We had the coldest winter ever and we woke up on time in the mornings and went for swimming. She really swam a lot and worked hard. Well done Jispa.

You know, the funny thing is that the feeling is just sinking in. Slowly slowly as time is passing by funnily I see myself getting prouder of her achievements. Suddenly at various places I let it slip that she is a state level swimmer or she is a state level gold medalist. Yes she won gold. No matter how much matter of fact I can attempt to behave, the fact is that it’s a great achievement. I know my dad would have been really proud. It is he who instilled the value of sports in my life. He always encouraged sports and games. I owe to him that I still want to play constantly and that I see sports as an investment. Jispa and I laughed like hell on Jamsine’s expense. We kept telling that her side of the family has no one interested in sports. They are champions in eating pani puri and ice cream, not playing sports, or anything that’s got to do with moving your butt anywhere. Hehehehe. Jasmine is going to kill me.

winning matters?

It’s a difficult thing to sit inside a secluded cabin and work. I think there are more distractions inside a cabin than outside. So today I decided to finish a lot of my pending work. Not that it would not have been possible inside. But a change in settings helps the mental make up. the cabin is good for meetings but is practically useless to get any work done. Too many distractions. And the worst part of it all is that I don’t get the mental frame to write my blog. BAH!
To continue from last time’s entry, Jispa and her swim team got called into the head of department’s office on Friday. They were given the news that they needed to turn in their silver and they would get a GOLD instead. Some back room discussions seem to have prevailed. Interesting. Well talk about having your cake and eating it too. She got the lesson for by winning silver yet she got her Gold! There also everyone in her team was congratulating her for the amazing performance. Aint a proud dad?
To top the weekend was the amazing world cup match played on Saturday. I always felt that India would never ever again lift the world cup and definitely not in my lifetime. I remember the t20 world cup and I was in London at the time. I had this meeting scheduled when India was playing its bolwing their last ten overs. I was in my London office and we were trying to watch the match streaming on a website. Obviously the bandwidth got choked as India was close to winning. I told my head of ops at the time. Boss, I don’t think India will ever win a world cup in my lifetime. I was too small when we won in ’83. And I don’t remember it at all. I wasn’t going to miss this one. I told him lets go to the pub across and watch it dude. He did not require too much egging on. Pronto I witnesses history and I thought that image will remain with me for the rest of my life. Till... Saturday. Oh god! We won the world cup. WE WON THE WORLDCUP. We were screaming and dancing and jumping in joy. We went to eth streets to see Mumbai celebrate on the streets. Everyone was friends with each other. People ‘hi fiving’ each other. I just wanted to be a part of the celebrations.
So I stood on the circle, near the edge with the Indian flag and just screamed at all the guys who passed by on their bikes and cars. They screamed back and I raised my hand. They instinctively reacted and slapped my hand on their way. A small gesture brought me closer to the whole of Mumbai. Actually whole of India. It’s funny how we all on the street were suddenly feeling like one. Its a great feeling. A victory such as thus can somehow unite everybody.
Hmm... It seems like an interesting lesson in management. It is so important to be united and what better way to feel united than to celebrate victories. I think my matter of fact approach to life probably costs me dear. I am happy to quietly celebrate and walk around but I think it’s important that we celebrate together. One can’t be a lone twerp all the time. I think there are two things that get a team together – one is a common adversity typically in the form of an enemy and the other a victory. While we all close ranks on a adversity its becomes critical to close ranks and feel the victory.
Simple lesson learnt. Not that it was not there in my mind but sometimes an incident helps in imbibing it. It becomes a story, a vivid example that connects. Hopefully this will keep the example in my mind and help in me being a slightly more happier person. Hopefully.

we went on the streets with Jispa in tow. hopefully she will remember the big party when India won!