Its yours.

After a decade of writing this blog, I knew it would have some amazing value. Value in terms of a legacy that one can pass on. My thoughts my experiences, my growing up and Jispa’s growing up. The blog helped me pass through some real tough times, especially when the stock markets tanked and there was no work in office. That was such a productive period for me and this blog. The blog was just a simple way of recording what I feel but it ended up being much more than that. It helped me shape myself and my feelings.

When you write something down, and that something concerns your thoughts and actions, you tend to be a bit more circumspect about it. You think through a little more, knowing that this will be there for posterity and that this is a legacy you are leaving behind. It made me think a little more about my thoughts, helped me research a bit more about what I wanted to write about, and helped me argue both sides of a coin. It helped me see balance in the world. Also when I kept searching for things to write about I would think a little harder about what all I could write about. This helped me see the world in a different light as well. It probably made me more insightful and see greater meaning and purpose in a lot more things than that I would have in the normal course of my life. Teaching and blogging have helped shape more thoughts about myself and my life than anything else in the world. Interacting with world while teaching helped me clarify so many concepts and blogging is interacting with myself. I tell myself so many things while writing. Of course there is a disclaimer to this – this blog is not a diary. It’s a blog that I have written to pass on to Jispa, hence it will always suffer from being a parent. I know Jispa will read it and hence it will be a version of my life that I wouldn’t mind Jispa reading it. Can I be 100% truthful on this blog? This blog is 100% true but does it contain the whole truth and all the truth in the world that I see? No. It won’t. But that doesn’t take anything away from this body of writing.

It has helped chronicle a lot of my life while I have grown as a professional, as a thinker and as a parent. And reflect on it in the process. It worth its weight in gold. I knew I had to give Jispa this blog someday. It seems that one day I had promised Jispa that when she turns 15 she would get this blog to read. She has stuck to it. Obviously it meant something to her. It is an amazing thing. I wish I had something like this to read. Jispa’s 15^th birthday is coming up in a couple of days. Wow. I remember holding her in my arms the day she was born and singing her song to her. I remember slapping her hard when she kicked me. I remember holding her tight and putting her to sleep. I remember trying to help her solve her nightmares so that she gets her sleep. I remember teaching her about everything I know and I remember having lots of conversations with her.

Now she is 15. She tells me ‘shut up’ when I make fun of her. She whacks me on the head and bites me on my shoulder. We have this pact where I can’t refuse her biting me and she can’t refuse me kissing her on the nose. What a childhood, so different from mine. We wanted it that way for her.

And I have to keep up the promise and give her this blog as she turns 15. Sigh… I don’t want to. I want to tell her that she can get it when she is 18, but I think she is adamant and more than that, I think she is ready for it. I think a lot of the topics that I have written about are nuanced and have subtleties that may be difficult for a 15 year to completely fathom. But it’s still ok and she will get most of it. She can keep going back to the blog again and again when she is older. She may meaning in it that was previously lost to her. I intended this more like a random fun thing or a conversation that she can refer to whenever she wants to talk to someone, search for meaning, understand life or have fun or increase general knowledge. It’s a random tome on everything I found interesting or noteworthy to pass on.

So yes, Jispa many times I will address you in the first person as well. Even when I am not, the text was always written assuming that you are audience. This has been a labor of my love for you. I really don’t know how I will react to this once you start reading it. I hope I don’t stop writing it. Not likely.

I hope you find it interesting and I hope you will learn a lot from it. Nothing that I say here should be considered the actual truth. It is only the truth as I understood it at that phase of my life. You will find contradictions as I grow old or possibly my you will see my beliefs strengthening on certain topics. You will find lots of typos. That I guarantee. I am a lazy writer. I hate checking what I write. At best I have written all these blogs in a word document so most of the obvious spelling errors are taken care of, but some glaring grammar errors will be there. I have not read even one of my posts once I have written it. They are written and simply published. Read them and if you find anything interesting, talk to me about it. That would be fun. I don’t know if I would remember all of them or any particular one of them. In fact I forget what wrote even two days ago. Some posts I remember being proud of and some were just written to start the conversation flowing. Not all are of equal quality. Some posts have been written over a few days with breaks thanks to interruptions in office. Some interrupted by lack of thoughts. Those tend to be a little … tired, I think. You won’t enjoy them, they don’t hold any narrative structure and sometimes feel like rants. Forgive them for the greater good of the entire list of blog posts.

The heading of this blog is opposites must reconcile. I learnt this term from Dharen when he talks about memorable ideas coming from seemingly opposites coming together. I found this very endearing. Things seem like opposites and things seem like they must not coexist but they often do. When opposites reconcile and live well with each other then they become memorable, endearing and enduring. A simple example is that swimmers, especially national award winners aren’t supposed to be good at studies. But you are. You have brawn and brains and that combination is not generally seen and it’s definitely not easily managed. But you have managed to reconcile within your petite self these opposites. You of all people know how difficult it was for you to do this. The sacrifices you have made have been immense. These add to your aura and your personality. This reconciliation of opposites make you – you. I am a senior person in office and I dress in jeans, or I talk intelligent stuff but I ask the most basic of questions in meetings. This is a reconciliation of opposites in me and makes my personality to some extent memorable. Interesting people are always able to balance and reconcile the opposites. It seems natural to them. It doesn’t make sense or looks incredulous to others but to them, it a natural extension of who they are. In many ways this is the yin and yan, or the Natraj holding creation and destruction in one image and looking beautiful and iconic.

Its bitter sweet, now that Jispa is 15, and that she is insisting that I give her the blog as a gift, I don’t know quite how to feel. I am happy that I am giving the blog to the rightful reader to read but at the same time my kid has grown up. Damn it.

So happy birthday Jips… it’s been a crazy 15 years and a little more if you include the time from inception to birth. There have been many ups and downs in our relationship and I have written more about the ups than downs but in the end tats what I remember more and that what matters. I am sure you too will agree. From 15 onwards you are more an adult than a kid and you are ready to take on the world (if we do remove more protection around you) and if you do remember the first 15 years are more fun than anything else, then I guess we are good.

Have fun, happy reading. Its yours!

Make your own bed

I came across this video which went viral.

It’s a speech by an Admiral who was a Navy Seal at one point. He draws parallels from his training program and the lessons needed in life. It quite a nice speech and it comes from the heart and real experience. I am not a big fan of the parallels he draws but he does make interesting points. I think the point that came across the strongest was simple – make your own bed every morning. I like the way he says, that this simple task, done well sets the tone for the day. A well-made bed is the first accomplishment of the day. Then you can solve bigger things for the day. I am sure if life can simply extend the logic but, yes, a well-made bed sets the tone for having pride in what you do, no matter how mundane the tasks.

I was in the NCC and everyday this was a part of the routine. You have to make your bed in a certain manner after you wake up. You have to neatly fold your bedding and keep it next to your bag and shoes so that they all look neat and clean. This sets the tone for the camp and the simple discipline it brings about. I like making my bed and whenever I make the bed, I try and ensure that it’s neatly done. Take pride in your work. When I mop the room when the servant has taken an off, I mop it in a certain fashion and leave the room squeaky clean.

When we were growing up, the three kids used to have turns doing all the routine house work. We definitely had to make our own beds, and we had turns to clean the table after food and wipe the vessels after the servant washed them in the evening. I am sure Jasmine also did her fair share of house work. Though I am not sure how much the boys did versus how much the girl child had to do. But the point is that without really deciding on it, both Jasmine and me tried to shield Jispa from house work as much as possible. We do the dishes and we do the mopping and we do the morning chores and keep the bed neat. We have tried to let her be. Over the last one year, we have started to give her more work around the house. This has been a conscious decision on our side. We want her to realize and understand and even at a basic level learn about the work. I had started asking her for simple things like, can you get something from the car, can you get me a glass of water, can you lay the table etc. Amongst others, one thing I had insisted (before seeing the video) was to make her bed. As soon as you get up, the first thing you should do is make your bed. I have infinite patience right now, and I don’t cross on this, but I keep reminding her and keep telling her –make your bed. I have also taught her the value of making it right and neat. She does it, without complain. My reasoning on this is simple – how much do you want your parents to do more for you. She understands this and she is happy to comply. She forgets at times, but largely she does the work. The reason she forgets is simply the fact that it is not the first thing that she does in the morning. So I have been getting her to do this work.

So when I saw this video I immediately showed it to Jispa. She quickly figured it out and smiled. I don’t know for me whether it was an NCC hangover or whether it was a father or husband talking. But doing one small thing well, at the start of the day is an important thing. It does set the tone of your immediate morning and definitely at the end of the day when you hit the bed, you of course realize you are going to hit a well-made bed, a bed that you made well! It’s a good end to what in all likely hood is not going to be as great a day. We still don’t make the bed military style. We simply fold the blanket and put the pillow in order and then keep a bed spread on top of it. The ideal way is to pull the bed sheet tight and dust it as well. We will keep that for the military for now.

In any case, the speech is interesting and definitely worthy of being viral. The stories are interesting and worth recounting. It is up to you to draw your own lessons. I know from my own experience that a few years of disciplined life at the NCC taught me a lot of lessons. These have held me on good stead over the years. Simple ones like – polishing shoes or when I am wearing formals I like to have shirt without the creases thanks to folding, the ability to fundamentally follow orders given by seniors (you may disagree but then finally commit), reaching on time, fight forward to carry out orders etc. A few years of this crazy organizational discipline exposes you to a different way of life. Admittedly, this structured way of life is not the most fashionable thing going around right now. The military is seen as a relic that is too rigid and not nimble enough. Organisations that follow the essentially top down structure are said to be doomed to failure. All new startups look to tear this down and create a structure where the command and decision making is decentralized and freedom is given across the system. I too am of the view that the rigidity of the structure must go. But it does help for the young kids to experience this discipline before they choose to tear it apart. It will help them understand both sides of the coin.  Before you destroy your enemy it makes sense to understand it first.

In my office, I think people would be very surprised to know of my views or that I ever wanted to join the armed forces. I think my bosses would believe that I am a maverick and that structure or order would not be the thing for me. But things change. In my head I have happily reconciled the army command structure and the freedom to change and break conventions. Cross the command and get work done. It’s a reconciliation of opposites for me. I am happy in my head about the same and can manage both together.

I think that as you grow as an individual, you would need to reconcile these opposites in your head. You have to allow the pros and cons of opposites to work together and manage them. Things are always more complicated than what they seem and the answers are often grey. Lessons can be learnt from your experiences and can be applied anywhere, as the Admiral in the video shows. The trick is to not believe anything as the gospel truth and only believe in the power of experiences, varied and multiple. Then you realize the futility of ‘truth’ and the power of grey areas. They allow you to learn, be open, accept change and manage life. This is a simple thing when you understand it and so complex when you try and box it.

 

 

For the love of coffee

Ever since we got a French neighbor who showed how coffee is made from a French press, I have discovered a new joy from coffee. I like to brew my coffee. I like the smell of my coffee. I like to savor my coffee. Coffee is not a just another drink, it is a joy. It fills me up with a sense of contentment and a buzz that caffeine induced coffee can give. A light happy feeling. I would much rather puke than have bad coffee. Nescafe is bad coffee. I hate it. I think it has no aroma, no taste and definitely no kick. Why would anybody waste their coffee drinking time (yes, it’s a time, an era, a period, a pause, a breath, an experience) on Nescafe. Yuck. I keep telling Jasmine to stop having her Nescafe and move to nice coffee. It’s not worth it.

Every time I have my coffee I try to savor it because of a few other issues. The weird but true thing that coffee gives me is addiction. Instant. If I have coffee two days in a row, on the third day, I will get withdrawal symptoms. Very rarely – I get it the next day itself. These are bad withdrawal symptoms. Mind numbing headache that refuses to go away. Then it triggers a kind of acidity symptom. Then I end up puking empty. Then I don’t know what to do except lie down. I got these symptoms two three times and I did not understand why. Jasmine suggested that I have a little coffee to see it works. It did. The symptoms go away after having a little black coffee. Instantly. It so bloody weird how caffeine addiction works for my body. It’s a good thing I don’t drink or smoke or else, this would have gotten out of hand. If coffee can do this, what would harder stuff be capable of in my body. So, I savor my coffee. Whenever I drink coffee, I know I can’t have coffee the next day then. So, I think through, what’s my schedule for tomorrow? Am I at home, am I meeting someone at Starbucks? I have to be sure when I have my coffee. At home I like my own brew. Sometimes, I have a hot brew and sometimes I have a cold brew. I put the coffee beans in the filter and put the water to let it drip overnight. The result is a lovely brew without the hard acid. I love this brew. Then I also love the Sumatra Mandeling coffee. A lovely pour over that is chocolatey and again non-acidic. I like to smell my coffee, taste the notes and understand the different kick it gives. Jispa shares my love for coffee. I make her some coffee and she also enjoys it. Jasmine keeps telling me that I am spoiling her and teaching her bad habits. So, said the lady who has her kick every day!

I love my coffee. My everyday (ok every alternate day) brew is a simple no1 roast, coarsely ground. Then I make my almond milk (ok, jasmine made a lot and froze it for me). Then I have this amazing foamer that our French neighbor gifted me. I put sugar in the black coffee over which I pour some almond milk, foamed and of course, importantly – a few drops of real vanilla extract. That’s my poison. That’s my quiet brew. That’s the coffee I enjoy and savor. I rather not have anyone beside me but it doesn’t really matter, as with my coffee. I am in a cocoon of my own. It’s an experience that I pass on to Jispa. Ofcourse hers is sweeter, with Nutella and whipped cream. But hell, it coffee nevertheless.

Last week, I had gone to visit a friend of mine. He is an angel investor and also loves his coffee. He keeps buying different blends from different parts of the world. His servant knows I am lactose intolerant and keeps soy milk for me and my coffee. This time when I visited him, she served me a lovely nutty falvourful sweetish coffee. It seemed to have vanilla overtones and it was nice and creamy and light. Nice. Not a strong aroma but an interesting flavor. “a nice nutty flavor” I remarked. “Which one?”. He called the lady and she said, this was the bean he bought from Japan. “Oh nice. I loved the coffee” I said, thanking her. “oh that was sirs coffee. For you I gave you Nescafe”. ……   ………  ……..   …….. I looked at blankly. “oh” I was being polite to the person who burst my bubble. My entire coffee drinking experience flashed in front of me. My era, my tastes, my notes, my kick. I felt like a balloon that a kid blows big and then releases to see how far up it goes. The balloon feels a massive acceleration and joy accompanied with a sense of elation and achievement only to realise soon enough that this shortlived acceleration is not only random with no real distance covered but also short lived. The joy of the child is not in the acceleration of the balloon but in the rapid deceleration that follows it. The random fall of the balloon gives far greater joy as the speed dies a stupid death, all alone, limp and lifeless fall to earth drawn by the unyielding gravity. It’s the fall that’s exciting as the kid picks up the balloon and sees that the exhaust is now again bigger than the balloon inflated sense of self. It’s the fall that’s funnier than the rise.

Yes, Olympus had fallen from its lofty height.

Expect that it wasn’t Olympus, it was Phoenix that got burned. Only to rise again. “possibly it was the soy that gave its nutty flavour’ “ya”. “possibly she took the malt flavoured one.”

I came back and recounted this tale to Jasmine and Jispa. Jasmine especially took a cruel liking to this and laughed her ass out. Jispa also fun. I had too much fun on this as well. This one is going to be an interesting party tale which jasmine will never tore of listening to. My guess is that she will tell others of it as well, on her own.

But then Phoenix understood that its job is to rise again. Yes. I missed it but Nescafe is still bad coffee. I hate it. I like making my coffee. Getting the flavor, the notes, the time, the era, the vanilla and the whole ritual associated with it. That is still stubbornly set in my head. I love my coffee and I will have it my way.

This is the same way in which I like my coca cola. I hate Pepsi and I hate Thumbs Up. I love my coca cola. Direct from a can or a glass bottle that’s fresh opened. I hate the plastic bottle. It a can or glass. I am firm. I rather not have anything than have a rubbish cola. This is also a sin that I allow myself. Its full of sugar and caffeine but it’s my other little vice. Many people talk about their marked preferences about colas and always I have argued that a cold bottle of any beverage is almost impossible to tell apart in a blind taste test. I don’t think it’s possible to statistically get it right a good number of times. I always say – I like Coca Cola and I am sure that I can make out its great taste but I am even more sure that I will fail the blind taste test. I don’t think I can make out the taste without the lettering on the beverage holder.

Coffee is similar. It’s not the taste or the kick. The addiction symptom and the forbidden brew that makes it what it is. It’s the ritual of knowing your coffee, of seeing the foma rise. It’s the foamer that makes the luxurious foam. It’s the feeling of the ritual that adds to the whole thing. Coke has sugar in it, shitloads and that makes it a thing to avoid and to therefore a thing to savor. Like the fact that Dettol hurts proves that it is effective, the sting is vital to the experience. The ritual is vital to the taste of coffee. It’s the ritual, it’s the lettering, it’s the associated feeling. Who else but a brand guy like me will know. It’s so nice to know how wrong we are and how we are affected by emotions like anyone else.

Yesterday I was in this big meeting helping this big firm trying to sort their big B2B marketing problem. I urged the marketing head to think differently. I urged her to think that B2B is as much affected by emotion than anything else. Like most other purchases, like my coffee, like my coke, a marketing head also buys on emotion. He uses rational numbers to prove his emotions and justify them. But the decision is irrational in many ways. The faster we accept it the better it is for us. I urged her to think emotions and therefore realise that this is like any B2C brand and that people don’t remember too many brands and too many propositions. It’s like any B2C brand. Entertain the prospect, have fun, do interesting things. Have interesting creatives. Think like any fun marketer should and map it to a consumer’s brand journey. People are same everywhere. Treat them with respect of their time, entertain them, engage them and then doors open. That’s a simple truth in life and marketing. It works all the time.

That’s why I like my coffee. Hating Nescafe gives me great joy and allows me to enjoy my coffee. Same with Coke. Same with so many other things. I am a normal person, so are you and the forces that act on us act on every one of us. Understand that, enjoy life!

Hence paradoxically data and lots of it becomes important.  Individually people are quirky but as a lot of them, they are interesting and not so difficult to predict. But then that is a topic for another blog :)

Silver

After all these years of crazy schedules, hard work and complete madness, now I am satisfied. Done. I am now a tired parent. This thing has taken a huge toll on me and I am sure it has taken a massive one on Jasmine, as well. We have worked our lives around a hope and in the end, we have something really big to show for it.

The year also has been nasty for Jispa. She has been unwell, muscle injury and exhaustion to cope with. She runs on two fronts – school and swimming simultaneously. She aims to achieve greatness in both. This year she faltered for no real fault of hers but in the end, she finished strong. After a strong showing at the Mumbai selection meets, we were superbly satisfied and honestly, I could expect no more. Then she finished strong at the state selection meet where she had a bagful of medals. This was too much for me, personally. It was more than what I dreamt of or even aspired for. Now at the just concluded Nationals, Jispa comes back with a Silver which she won as a part of a medley relay team. Wow. A national medal! In an age group that spans three years and she is the youngest. That was some achievement.

Jispa is not a naturally gifted swimmer or a naturally gifted athlete. It’s tough for her. It’s not like we threw her into the pool and she started winning. Winning has been a tough one for her. She has seen so many years of participation without real glory. This is her second nationals in so many years. She would qualify for state and then not win. There are far too many talented girls in swimming and it’s tough when you are not naturally gifted.

We kept the swimming schedule on hope. And her wish. She wanted to continue with her swimming and we hoped that it won’t be cruel to her. Jispa is fit and strong but like me, something is wrong with her overall well-being. As a child, I was so sickly and thin and a complete mess at excelling at sports. I was fit and ran but never the naturally talented guy who could just show up and win. That honor belongs to my brother. I have had to struggle to get anywhere in my life I stood on my own thanks to the grit that I developed in myself. Jispa is also similar. She is not the naturally talented at math or swim or English. She has an ability to think and think through very smartly but that does not automatically mean winning. She also has been notoriously difficult to coach from childhood. She is improving but it’s not that she has to think it and her body follows. Her body over compensates and does its own thing. I sure even her coaches get confused how to treat her. Immense potential thanks to perseverance and hard work but not a natural athlete. Sometimes I think what if she had pursued a sport like badminton or something where you have to not only show technique and skill but you also have to out think the competition. How would that have been. That should be fun.

Right now, that medal around her neck is so much a reflection of Jasmine’s and Jispa’s dedication and doggedness than anything else. How did they do it? When I look at my role, I see that as a minor support and major starter. Starter in the sense that I insisted on sport being a part of her growing up and then always looked to be a part of it. Supporting it in the way that I would get up early to take her and then always be ready to help at all times. But after that, I hardly did much. Most the heavy lifting came from Jasmine. Waking up, cooking, ferrying, talking, discussing, maintaining timings, everything – that was Jasmine. I hardly did anything there. It’s not possible to be a sports kid without having a sports parent with you. One who does all the support and the other who simply lends a small helping hand.

I wonder where Jispa gets all that dedication from. That is another absolute mystery. When you know, there are kids who are far more talented than you and built for water, where do you get that resolve to keep attacking from. How does Jispa do it and do it willingly. She has a quiet ambition in her, a quiet aggression in her, a silent way to keep at it. I am amazed at this quality of hers. I would have given up long time back. So many of her swimmers gave up long time back and so many just couldn’t balance the school and swim together. That in itself is a sign of greatness. This sheer doggedness and ability to push yourself is awe inspiring. If I had half of that while I was growing up, I would have been in a different orbit. I wish I had half of that even now, I guess.

So, this the tale of me being very happy and satisfied. A NATIONAL LEVEL MEDAL. Jispa is a national medalist. I want to frame that medal and hang it on the wall. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it. (Yes she would be) But then now that I think it, I think I should make a large frame and put a few more medals and keep a big monument to swimming on one side of the wall in the hall. That would be something. Jispa will die of embarrassment. That itself would be worth half the effort.

I find this opposites in her quite interesting. Very high on aggression but at loathe to show it. Very high on perseverance but a very relaxed ‘let it be’ attitude. An ability to get a bit tensed but still maintain her balance. She is not one way or the other. Small small opposites reconcile in her. Loving but only so. Caring but only so. Friendly, but only so. I wonder if she is an introvert or an extrovert. She mixes it up so much. Of course, as parents it drives us up all the walls in the house, but it will be an interesting and endearing quality of hers as she grows up. Her partner is going to go bonkers for sure, but it will serve her well. I sense that she may even have good leadership qualities when pushed to it. The quiet level 5 leadership that is so elusive, but she will need to hone it. Professional determination and personal humility. She exhibits this in her life for now and in what she has achieved. If she continues this as a means of living her life, then she has a chance to end strong. I don’t have this combination in a way that it could be, but Jispa has some tremendous appetite for it. It’s too early and leadership traits as well as decision making traits are difficult to spot for now and they develop as they grow up. But for now – they are fine and I am happy with the signs they show.

Finally – I am a very very proud father today and a proud husband. It’s a biggie and an amazing accomplishment. We have a national level champion in the family. I am so happy. Thank you Jispa and Jasmine. Thanks a lot. It means a lot to me. A hell of a lot.