baazi haar kar bhi baazi jite....

Monday morning we went for the athletic training. Jispa has joined once a week training to complement her swim training. It involves a lot of stretching and some jogging. The lady in charge makes us run two rounds of the racecourse, which is around a little less than two and a half kilometers. I run with Jispa almost as a pace setter. I keep her running; keep egging her on, let her keep a pace. It’s fun to run together at least once a week.

Around a year back I stopped competing with her in swimming. With a dive I could just about match her timing for one 25 meter lap. But around a year ago she beat the shit out of me. With a dive and without a tumble turn I was beaten crazy, and I was huffing and puffing while she was looking and me and smiling. One more round? Buzz off. No way.

So I am happy that at least in running we are starting off together and we train together. This way at least I run with her and share some pain of the sport together. I push her and she pushes me. Once the coach asked us to go for a sprint. While coming back it was great fun pushing her. She is a bit competitive. She is silent and yet I see flashes of competition, nothing of the chest thumping aggression but a desire to push the bar at times. I like that. That race was fun. Towards the end, she went fast, then I went faster, she pushed, I pushed harder… there were at least three such bursts before I won! Yay.

Now this started off a competition between her and me. So every time the coach gets us to do a round the last bit becomes somewhat of a race. This time the coach asked us to run two rounds. The first one should be slow and easy – 17 minutes instead of the normal 15 minutes. And the second one must be faster. Jispa is a horrible starter. She starts complaining the moment we start. My stomach is paining, my ankle is paining. Then she goes too slow, then she will have a shoe lace to tie. She starts really bad. I keep encouraging her. Then at the mid-point she does better and then at the end she finishes strong.

This funny schedule spoils my running style. I like running consistent. So at the start I am forced to run really really slow, which is tiring. So we did the first one slow. And with the winter just about setting in on the second round I got a bit of a congestion…. And something went haywire. I started breathing really hard. I guess I need to restart my swimming to get back into clean breathing systems. But it was really bad at the end. (okay okay – these are all excuses – genuine but excuses)I asked Jispa if she wanted to start the racing bit. She said – no later… I was ok. we do it later. When the last 100 meters were being covered – the little rascal started to run faster. She suddenly moved up a couple of gears. I Pushed my self… and that’s it – there were no more change of gears – she just ran off. I looked and tried but had no reserve energy left – I couldn’t attack. Dam it – where did she get this reserve after running 4 kms? I lost this race. Now she whips me in running as well. that felt really really good.

But now I am waiting for the next one. This time I hope to have clear lungs and nasal passage and this time I will start the race a bit earlier. And I want to beat the shit out of her. I don’t like losing as well. Her aggressive streak is also there in me (that was a bit of an understatement).

Sport has a funny way of showing people’s inner demons :) . It exposes you to a side of personality that normally stays hidden. Not just for yourself but also for others. Running with Jispa is exposing a side of her personality to me. I had suspected that she had this streak but was not sure about it. We always have told her – you need not win – do your best. But I have seen her push herself in different situations. Relays are one place where her timings are the best. But this aggression which is quite, well directed and focused with a kick to win an interesting race…. That’s a nice one. You don’t need to win all the races you participate – only the ones you love to. Choose well :)

Just for record – the second round was 13 minutes.

finders keepers

Last weekend Jispa had her trials to represent the city for the state meet. Jispa has been training pretty hard over the last one year. This is when she and her coach started to seriously set their eyes on qualifying. She has had some amazing improvements in timings over the year. But she has been unable to br4eak into the top three. Her coach is also realistic about it. He told us that it was pretty difficult as Jispa seriously started only a year back. The other kids had been at it much longer. But his immediate priority was a top six finish at this meet. Jispa managed that in the 50mtrs butterfly (fifth place) and the 50 mtrs free (fourth place). The top 6 go to Pune next month for the state meet. Her coach feels that the exposure and the confidence gained will be good.

The tournaments are held with an age bracket of two years being bunched together. At their age two years is a lot of difference. So in the under 11 category someone aged 10 has little chance of winning. Everyone talks about the disadvantage year and the advantage year. The year gone by was an advantage year for Jispa, and the one coming up is a disadvantage year. Next year she would participate with little chance of winning anything. Her coach was telling Jasmine that Jispa has a lot of potential. He said if she can be so fast with such horrible strokes, just imagine how fast she would be if her strokes is corrected. After June is the off season and this year is her disadvantage year. So the coach will now have time to correct the strokes and movement. I want to go and tell him. He is talking about preparing for the state meet two years hence.  Pretty deep stuff. Stuff that we had no insight into until you go through with it yourself. I am looking forward for the state meet. I want to see what it’s like. How are the facilities and the arrangements? How do swimmers across the state stack up against the Mumbai lads. How they come, what they do and how they behave.

I noticed an interesting things at the meet on Sunday. As Jispa and her contemporaries lined up at the starters block, I saw something that struck me. All the kids at the whistle took the block with a small ritual. They touched their hearts or they touched their heads or made a cross or something. They all looked for divine inspiration. Some supernatural force to come and assist them or mere blessings before the BIG race. Jispa merely took the starters block with no such ritual. We haven’t taught her God Rituals. Now I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Definitely I was not going to teach her empty prayer or stupid rituals which have no meaning but at the same time, what I have robbed her of, is an external focus. Something that can help you when you are all alone. I don’t go to temples at all and I don’t recite any prayer, but in times of extreme situations, I do have my conversations. Something that I tell him, come dude, get me through this shit. Or thanks dude, nice one. Or its testing but I will be back, just give me strength to weather this one. I assume this is there because as a child I did believe in God. Today I grow up to question common belief and faith. Shit cannot happen to me just because I don’t pray or good cannot come because I do so. But sometimes, when the going is tough an external voice to talk to in private may be a good thing.  As of now Jispa doesn’t have this God figure in her mind. At least that’s what I think. But instead she has herself to talk to. I have spoken to her about what she thinks. Like the time when the results for the Hindi elocution was to be announced. She talks to herself. I think that internal belief is possibly better than a God belief.

Jispa willy-nilly has become a test case. Not out of my wanting it to become. But it is an interesting study on what a human do would if he were not brought up on a religious diet. What would you do if your dad actively questioned religious belief and God, your mom didn’t teach you to pray but at the same time your grannies took you to the temple? How would you have your conversations? I guess she will rely on her instinct as a human more than her instinct as a religious person. So she will take the starting block stand as a human being free from man constructed beliefs. She will I assume talk to herself. Look at an internally locus of control, an internal voice to guide her. A voice that is not borne by faith taught or not borne out of a faith in opposition to faith taught (like me), but a natural voice that human will have. That I think will be her God. And I hope and Pray that she finds it useful for her and holds her good stead. I Pray I have not robbed her of something important and eternal, but that I have given her something natural, inborn and lasting. I hope she finds her own GOD. Finders keepers.

whats worth more?

When we grew up we hardly had any swimming costumes to choose from. You just went to some sports store and picked yourself a costume. I used to swim regularly in Dubai, that is till the third standard. When we shifted to India we stopped swimming. No club, no pool. One big posh building (Avanti) in the locality had a swimming pool which was empty. They repaired it a few years later and started it, but it was out of bounds for outsiders. The only accessible pool was the municipal pool at Shivaji park, which was some distance away.

As a kid I went into the pool but I hadn’t really properly learnt swimming. So after a long time when I finally went swimming with my friend at the Avanti swimming pool, I realised I had completely forgotten to swim. I used to do some variation of the underwater stroke or something, which just about kept me afloat. So there was no swimming for me for many years. Till one day V-inu and I in the first year of college (F.Y.B.COM) decided to swim properly at the Shivaji Park pool. We figured out when the forms come out (once a year), got the forms, filled it in and started swimming. We saw what the coaches taught and learnt that one has to hold the sides of the pool and splash ones legs to learn to float. So we sat and splashed. Slowly we figured what we thought was free style and swam.

We also had started doing odd jobs as sales promoters. One assignment was at the defense canteen. So there we used our contact we had built up and I remember buying for myself a swimming costume. A defense canteen would have heavily discounted stuff, thanks to the non-applicability of taxes. I don’t remember the brand but it was some home grown, possibly Jalandar made brand. I don’t remember too well, but I think I couldn’t afford and hence did not even dream of buying swimming goggles or a swim cap. I did try and buy ear plugs but quickly released that they didn’t help a bit. Speedo was a brand that was not available in India and was something I could only drool over. OOO… Speedo swimming wear.

So when Jispa started swimming seriously we went and picked Speedo swimming costumes. They were an upgrade from her home grown ‘mad max’ or some brand like that swimming costume.Speedo. Wow. She had not one but three speedo swimming costumes. When you go for competitive swimming, you change your costumes after every race so that you can remain nice and dry while you await your race. Speedo costumes, cap, goggles. Not bad eh! Till recently we realised that even Speedo is not it. Now Jispa is a walking talking Arena billboard. She prefers that material over Speedo. Slowly we are seeing Arena  taking over. Speedo seems to only stock during the summers. Most sport shops are out of stock of Speedo or any decent swimwear the rest of the year. Whereas Arena is slowly building credence with the serious swimmers. This is a serious marketing lesson. In the last three four years, I have noticed suddenly Arena swim wear on the bodies of the athletes. This has an effect greater that what we can imagine. If the champions in the pool start wearing Arena, then the others will slowly see and realize that Arena is ‘real’ swim wear what champions wear. Even the casual swimmer will see this and slowly gravitate towards Arena. Speedo is in real danger in Mumbai at least of being the lower performing swimwear brand.

This emulation effect is larger than we realize. Big brands have understood this and that’s why you see the bad rush to pay obscene amounts of money to make champions wear your brand on the stage. But what Speedo is failing to see, is the fact that there are champions in every small nook and corner. The classic marketing case of Arena having really high end swimwear in stock, which probably doesn’t sell at all but defiantly has a strong rub off for the more boring models. They sponsor the Otter club meet where they have a stall. I glanced through the selection and quickly ran out of there when I saw my costumes for two thousand bucks. Hah! One other parent told me, forget that. There was a kid’s model for 12 thousand bucks. A high end costume which has to be worn in a particular manner. It probably took around 15 minutes just to wear it. Oh come on.

Then we got talking and I realized some kid champions were wearing real high end costumes, costing upwards of twenty thirty thousand rupees! Oh dam you. Some real special fast costumes. These costumes I had read reduce your drag and help you swim faster. The net effect would be something like one tenth of a second at best. One tenth! In these club meets and state meets, timings are taken by hand held stop watches. There are two time keepers for every race and then timings are taken at the end. One tenth of a second is the easily human error in the stop watch, it surely is not what the kid needs for now.

The most of the timing improvement at this age is not the equipment but strokes. The right strokes help you slash off seconds. Your improvement is measured in seconds. The coach works on this every day. For Jispa the coaching fees are around 900 bucks a month for 5 one hour evening turns and 3 one and a half hour morning turns. From which the gymkhana keeps a cut and shares the rest with the coach. For a coach that produces state and national champions, it’s hardly any fees. Jasmine and I find it really cheap.

The coach has a strict policy of not accepting any extra gifts or money. They refuse any attempt by the parents to give them anything.  They are extremely sweet. This year the club decided to honor them at a party (tomorrow) and the mothers are using this as an opportunity to collect and give a cash envelope with the felicitation. It interesting to see the reactions of the mothers and others while the hat gets passed around. For me the coach is paramount. I hold him in the highest esteem. It because of him that we are around. They make or break us. We did not know Jispa would swim so well. We had no dream about her swimming prowess. The coach has dreamt of her victory. We can only be grateful. I never had any sport coach. I value them immensely.

While we were have the discussion on expensive costumes I wryly remarked – ‘we can pay 30 thousand for a swimming costume that saves us one tenth of a second but we don’t pay much for the coach who helped our kid cut 20 seconds to start with’. It’s embarrassing for me to have Jispa’s swim bag contain equipment that is worth almost twice as much as what the coach makes from teaching Jispa in a year. Whats worth more?

performance matters?

Sitting in my office the best thing is that the TV is here. My entire team is here sitting and watching the match. The match in question is the world cup semi final between India and Pakistan. I know as of now anyone reading the blog would wonder what’s the point of the stating the obvious but just to remind you , I write this blog so that it is possibly read 20 years hence. So this is the most important match of the last four and the next four years and obviously that would do a great deal of damage for the productivity of the day. I can imagine the frustration of the top bosses. We are a brokerage house that is largely a daily turnover game. One day less of trading and that would mean consequently one day less brokerage, and if we assume around 200 days of trading, we are looking at 0.5% less for the year. But what to do. As Rajesh, my one time boss/ mentor said, ‘I am very clear. Love for country over love for company’. Haha. It is difficult to concentrate and has been so during the day. The match has been on everyone’s mind. To concentrate a change was warranted and I sat in one of the empty cubicles of my office, along with my team. Now I wonder why I don’t do that more often. The cubes have so much more buzz, somehow there is the energy that gets work done. The cabin has been very silent and boring otherwise. I think I must go off more often and sit there. It’s definitely much more fun. All these years ... you pine for one and then once you get one, you get pleasure in sitting where you would have if you were a trainee. This is the story of life, I guess. So here we are watching the first half of the match. The TVs in the lobby still play CNBC but my TV is firmly on cricket. So what we lose on productivity we gain dramatically on team work. No matter what, sitting and watching a crunch match together does get all the adrenaline flowing. And when we get them all flowing all together, teams get built. You get enough joys and sorrow to share with all. So I guess it’s an even steven, you might gain more in bonding than what you lose in productivity. But thats a difficult to take. The higher you go the tougher the call gets.. well.. But then let’s talk about something different all together. This Sunday I raced Jispa in a swimming competition. First on was a 25 meter dash. I beat her by possibly 1/3 rd of a second. I had to push myself, cup and stretch my hand, and flap my legs like crazy. Then we got a 50 meter dash done. Here too I had to push myself like crazy and the result was a tie according to Jasmine. Wow. I couldn’t beat my own 8 year old. I thought that was really really fast. I might not be superbly fast but I know my crazy sprint will be fast. And I was out of breath for some time afterwards. Surely a 75 meter race I would have ... poof... I would have overheated and magically disappeared. I have said it many times in the past and I say it again. Nothing beats getting a good coach to teach you a sport... any sport, early enough in your life. There will one game that will give you a perspective on an alternative life, an alternate discipline. I am so happy that Jasmine and me have managed to give her this. This is an education that will hold her in good stead. Well done Jispa and thanks jasmine. Jasmine takes a whole lot of credit. Sometimes I wonder she suddenly grows a pair of horns and gets all aggressive, telling Jispa to do well, push harder. And I am looking at her and trying to calm her down. Relax. Its ok. hehe.

lead by not

Brrrr. The water is cold and it’s given me a brain freeze. I have no clue why I like to torture myself. I restarted swimming after a longish break. I thought I missed the cold winter by bunking swimming in December. Jispa’s vacations are a great excuse to sleep late, wake up late and bunk swimming. But by the time its over I am itching to get back into routine. One breakfast before going and one after swimming, in office. The more I eat the leaner I get. It’s quite a weird thing. Swimming barely ten minutes in the morning has amazing health benefits. Restarting today after a long time was tough but when you get in the pool you have no option but to continue swimming. It will take me a week or so to get back to rhythm. While I swim I sorely miss not having learnt any sport professionally. None.
Its one thing that we keep giving Jispa. A chance to learn as much as possible, professionally. It different from giving a chance to play. A lot of kids get a lot of chances to play a lot of sports, but I have learnt the huge benefits of learning properly. Techniques must be honed from start. Her swimming is infinitely better than mine and she beats the shot out of me already. We had started her badminton till the time came where it clashed with her swimming and she had to stop it. She learns guitar as well. And her school teaches her taekwondo. After all that she still wishes to learn more. Squash in the gymkhana has a long wait list, so we just entered her name for the training a year or so ago. Last week, she got a call for the Saturday Sunday class that was newly set up for beginners. Great. Jasmine asked me about it with a clear disclaimer that I was responsible for this one. She was not going to be the one ferrying Jispa on Saturday or Sunday. I was ok. I probably would use the chance to catch up on TV or possibly jog a bit on the tread mill. I am it. Its an odd 2 o clock time, but we’ll figure. Its not like we are going to be super regular on weekends. Also we figure if she picks it decent enough, squash is a game I could play with her afterwards as well. So there, one more class that’s started.
Sometimes we wonder what on earth is going one. Aren’t these too many classes? Too much for a little thing? I don’t know really. Jasmine’s thinking is simple; while she is still in the second grade and she has time, go for it... afterwards, there would be far too many pressures on her thanks to school and studies to really have multiple interests. For me, I don’t know. I have a simple metric. Is she enjoying it? Does she want o do it or does she complain about it. We don’t push her into being a super woman. We keep asking her and she keeps saying yes. Till that is happening all seems well. and it’s just a bit of sport. She is not competing professionally in these. Also the big thing that other people don’t realise is that, Jispa doesn’t have a TV. That’s the big one. Also her dad and mom don’t have a TV as well. So all that time that a family spends watching TV is being spent playing. And instead of playing outside, she is learning sports. What’s wrong with that?
Yesterday while she was at squash, I put on my trained blank look. I don’t smile at her or laugh at her antics or teach her anything while she is at the court. Sometimes when she does something she looks at us. Jasmine was smiling. I told Jasmine not to smile back. Just be blank. Sport is played inside the mind, internal. You have to have your game from inside and not play it for anyone else. Just focus on the ball and your technique. While the coach was teaching her to swing the racquet, I broke the cardinal rule. Jispa looked at me and I motioned her to correct her technique. She swung and looked back again. I became more animated in my swinging. Jasmine immediately asked me what I was doing. I mumbled some excuse, scientific sounding. But then immediately I saw he distracted. I apologised. That was wrong. Just shut up. Trust the coach. He knows what he is doing. Jispa knows what the coach is telling. It’s between her and the coach. The coach is far better than me and understands how to teach kids.
I am not even trained in squash, nor am I an expert in coaching. I only know Jispa from birth but it gives me no expertise in teaching her squash. So that’s’ a valuable lesson for me. Shut up and watch.
I think when put in a position of power we love to influence it. Even if we are not equipped to. Suddenly we start talking, correcting, coaching, motivating and the worst of all... leading. This is a malaise I have and I have to deal with it. I have tried many times to control it. I have many times now succeeded but I have far too many times, failed. Miserably. In cricket I try and not lead. I try and not coach. In office also I try to give way. But you know the flip of it. So many people want people in power to lead. They want you to motivate them. Give them direction. They want you to show them LIGHT. It’s funny. I have faced more resistance to not leading than to leading, or even equal, but never less. Is it because we are as a nation a bit still immature. We still have the highest deference to authority, we are always subjugated. From school itself, do our teachers brow beat us into ‘I told you so’. Or we as leaders have inculcated it. We cut off the heads of those that stand, make life difficult for them. There is a value to toeing one line, but before we all decide to toe it, do we think enough for ourselves. Do we add value to the conversation. Do we actively listen when someone lower in rank dissents? These are questions I ask of myself as much I ask of others. It has been tough for me. But somewhere I need to keep in mind that I must lead by actively ‘NOT LEADING’. That’s the best way, the only way. Power must not be misused is understood, what is less understood, is that power must not be used at all. That is true power. You merely feel the influence of it. Deep nah?

a lovely mind, a simple talk

Jispa had a good lesson in competition. She is amongst the decent swimmers in her age category in her gymkhana. I think she comes in at second place. Ditto for her school. This week end she was taking part in an inter club competition at the CCI. Since there are quite a few kids, they simply take a time trial and take the timings to announce the winners. Her coach had warned us that Jispa is an eight year old in an under-nine age group. That means basically she has a one year disadvantage, which is large for her age. We were obviously expecting nothing much from her. Hopefully it might teach her a thing or two about competing. We saw the elder kids swim very well, and it was a joy for me to watch them swim real fast. It was time for Jispa’s time trial. She shot off the blocks and swam fast. I thought she swam well and quite fast. Pretty cool. She swam like she never had. But when she attempts to go fast she screws up on the technique. The hands don’t stretch as they must in their effort to go fast. But a few furious strokes later she was in the lead. She hit the other side, turned, glanced to see competition and started swimming again. Jasmine and I get tired of telling her that she need not look at competition. She has to learn to swim well and that’s more than enough. If her strokes are great and she tries her best, that’s all that matters. At her level, we don’t want her to win; we want her to get her strokes right.
Jispa’s problem is that she ends up using her over sized brain a bit too much. When I coach her, I am delighted that she listens, unlike other kids who don’t want to, but the problem is that her brain starts listening too much. She over compensates. It’s difficult coaching her then. Her technique then goes all awry. I remember last year, I was trying to get her to run correctly. Some cousin told her to get long strides in. That’s a good thing, but she ended up taking so long strides that she started jumping as opposed to running. It was like a series of long jumps. She will have this problem of brain and body not being entirely coordinated. Her super brain will take too many demands on her body. Same problem when I start elocution with her. Too much use of the brain. Suddenly she will not decide to use certain tone, or give some explanation for changing it or something. ‘Gay abandon’ is not a term I would use for her. She surely benefits from using her brain. It helps her in creative writing and the sort but sometimes in sports it pays to have an uncomplicated approach. A simple approach that seeks to hone instinct and use it. So this time while I started talking to her on running, Jasmine was pretty scared. When I was explain that in a sprint, you don’t use your heel too much and run almost on your toes, Jasmine was wondering and so was I, that she will end up looking like a bouncing ballerina. I think I too will learn about teaching her stuff. I guess I will learn to tell her to keep things simple. Just run fast and will correct a few simple things I see wrong. It’s stupid for me to mess with a good mind. I am simply not qualified enough to do that. What I can do is drill the tables in her head. Today morning I was trying to get her to write a Hindi composition that she was making a complete mess of. I tried to help her think of the essay visually. Almost like a mind map. That would help her structure it I guess. Then we went through the words, the sentences, the closing, the drama required. When she finally writes it today evening we will know if we got it anyway near right. Personally I myself do not know enough Hindi to teach her. I get it mixed up with urdu, and don’t even know the difference. But I guess today I did not do that bad.
So coming back to the swim meet, Jispa swam like she never had. She did her 50 yards in 44 seconds. I think it was her personal best. Dam cool. She also came in first within her immediate time trial. She came panting and exhausted. A dam god effort. I had o be somewhere else so I left by the time she had to compete in the medley relay. Since there weren’t enough girls from her age group for her gymkhana she was given the responsibility of the butterfly. A stroke she barely knows. I was told she did pretty bad. She swallowed water, went slow, almost did not complete. But she pushed herself to complete the race. In the freestyle time trial, while she managed 44 seconds, the first place was at around 34 seconds. Whoa, a full ten seconds. She was pretty dejected. I only met her the next day morning. Jasmine told me that she was felling down.
To my mind I told her that I think she did a swell job finishing the medley. She did not know the stroke, she swallowed water, she felt like shit but she hung on and finished the race. I told her of the time when I was in I think third standard. I barely knew how to swim and could just about manage to swim one length. Just about. That too with the support of the side wall. I still took part in the competition in school. When we were to start I ran and took the side lane. We started and I started swimming furiously. Half way through I don’t know, but I swallowed water and was coughing when the life guard thought I was drowning and pulled me out. Hah. She definitely did better than that!
I am reminded of Thomas Friedman who wrote that in places like India and China, competition is so tough that even if you are 1 in a million, there are a thousand of you. He is right. There are so many good guys around. If you want to be the best you have to train harder. I was thinking if its right for her to compete. One way is that let her see how good she is the hard way. Let her face dejection and loss. She can’t swim in her well and think that she is good. She has to see the world outside. For me. I think I will keep things simple. I will stop trying to coach her too much. I will have to stick to the philosophy part of the game. Hopefully a few years from now, she will coach me. Then she can talk technique and I can talk life. A conversation can sometimes be more than enough. A simple conversation. I can remember some of the best conversations I have had. But then that is another story.

learn well

We have been struggling with Jispa’s classes. We believe in extra curriculars and the value of getting right guidance and opportunity early on but the sheer breadth of what she is doing is leaving us a little.. I don’t know a little worried, amused, sceptical, scared…
To list – she has a core activity in school. She learns taekwondo there twice a week. Then five days a week she goes to swim. Now thanks to the coaching she swims well and knows all the strokes. She is progressing well and swimming fast. I am happy. Swimming is something that would last her for life and a good swimming will help her keep fit. Thrice a week after the swimming class she goes for some badminton. That’s also a good thing. I guess.
We don’t know for sure if she can take all this physical exertion. It is tough and we are worried. But jasmine and I are quite clear; we are not pushing her to do all this. We keep asking her if she is enjoying all this. Doe she really want to do it? Is she getting tired at any point/ we don’t want to be parents who push the kid into all sorts of activities and punish the child. But Jispa is super eager and willing. She wants to do it and she enjoys it all.
We also realise that right now there is little school home work. Her pressure will start from the fourth or the fifth standard. Then she would have to give up some of her activities and concentrate on a just a few. Till then, Jasmine recons that she is free to have her fun. Also what helps is that this is all TV time that is being spent playing and training. She comes home to dinner and reading. Saturday Sunday is rest time and sometimes I drag her to the garden. She is active and loves that as well.
Recently she decided that she wanted to learn the guitar. Oh god. How and where. Jasmine figured that a friend had a sir coming home and was teaching the guitar to her kid. Jispa was quite eager to join. I have always wanted to learn music and one of my current thoughts was that both jasmine and I don’t know music. That is one thing that we would be absolutely unable to teach her. We have no clue.
As a kid once I decided I wanted to learn the guitar. My dad encouraged me and bought me a guitar. An expensive proposition in those days. It cost a bomb. I remember 500 bucks for a Givson guitar. I learnt it a bit but complete laziness in practice and no push and I started to flounder and completely missed that bus.
I have thought a lot about it since then. This was in the sixth standard. Why did I not learn? Was I just not made for it? Did I not enjoy it?
I think that learning anything requires a bit of pain and a lot of discipline. It did not come naturally to a sixth grader like me. I was a maverick in many ways. Could I have changed? i see so many households that music is an intrinsic part of their lives. They breathe music and it plays from every corner and every reason is a good reason to play or listen to music. For me music never held too much importance. It is nice and good but I could go on and live my life without music. I enjoy it but ... just that it isn’t that necessary as I see others live and breathe it. I was happy growing up to my brother and sister’s choice of music. I couldn’t care less. If it’s on – good, if its off good. I am not the type to ‘invest’ in a fantastic player.
Jispa seems to be enjoying her music. and I really did not want to say no to her for learning anything. Jasmine would shoulder a lot of the responsibility in taking her to the classes and ensuring she does pay attention. Jispa went for one class and came back eager for more. The time had come to buy her a guitar as there is no point going for classes once a week and not practising at home. A guitar for her would cost around three thousand. I had a chat with Jispa. I told her that it’s not the money. We can afford it and more. I don’t care about the money but if we are buying you a guitar you better practice it daily. I did not want any guilt feelings on her for spending money, but I sure don’t want her abandoning pursuits on a whim. That is something I refuse to let her do. So before sleeping every day, she has to practice a bit. I told her that I would insist on it and ensure mom insists as well. Sometimes we would scold her and make her do it, even against her wishes. She agreed and she got her brand new guitar.
I believe that kids are keen to learn new stuff but then tend to get bored by the long grind between knowing a bit and then experiencing the fun of then knowing a little more. This was the same thing in swimming and her other pursuits. You have to get through the second phase when the practice gets boring and you don’t get immediate results. Once you pass through this you tend to pick things and learn enough for what will stay for life. I guess that’s where the parent’s push comes in. Give the opportunity, push to ensure the boredom phase passes, and then back off. No pressure to perform. None from us. Pressure to learn well but don’t give great emphasis on performance.
My parents held me responsible for buying an expensive guitar and then letting go. That huge thing in the house kept reminding then that I quit. I won’t let that happen to Jispa. It came up in many conversations later. I guess I was at fault. But at least I know the mistake I made. At least I will let Jispa make new ones. I will for sure make new ones. No point forgetting old lessons.
Pushing and then backing off. Parenting is such a fine line that I never know where exactly to draw. actually its not a line its a zone kid of line. It merges slowly from one side to another. Makes sense? No?... Exactly.

back to the basics

Jispa has been learning to swim through proper coaching. It is surely a good thing to get the technique right. I have been a largely self taught swimmer. While I used to swim in Dubai where I stayed till the third standard, I forgot how to swim by the time I grew up. The old phrase that you cannot really forget how to swim your whole life is probably correct but that is only if you know how to swim correctly in the first place. I used to do all weird variations of swimming and mine was called underwater. I guess I never did properly learn the free style. It is only now that I am managing to improve my strokes. I learnt it again when V-inu and me used to go to Shivaji park and look at the coaching being done and then try and copy.
So I am pretty happy that she is learning the techniques and the different strokes as well. Yesterday she had a swim meet in school. The first and second standards swim together in competition. Last year she hadn’t learn enough to swim the length of the pool for her to take part. This year she suddenly burst into scene to get eth silver for the freestyle and the bronze for back stroke. She is still yet to learn the butterfly and breaststroke. She was two seconds behind the gold in freestyle and the gold was won by a champion swimmer. When I saw her I really thought – wow, she is fast. Whenever we go to the pool together she never swims with me properly. We are busy trying to enjoy ourselves. I keep throwing her in the water, she refuses to swim fast and the complete length etc etc. it was quite a revelation watching her.
In the backstroke she swam well to start off amongst the fastest and the n suddenly half way through the race she slowed considerably. She was tired, I could see. She then came a close third. The reason I thought that happened was nutrition. She had dosas for breakfast. A ha… I have learnt the value of nutrition science the hard way. I was ended up explaining the low GI and high GI funda to jasmine and the value of have high fibre for breakfast and then continuous calorie intake. Especially for sports activity.
This I guess is a he change from my growing up when no matter what the breakfast at home would be a gulp of a glass of milk. It would do for any requirement. We have not learnt nutrition at all in the scheme of things. I hope at least I can try and figure this out. Jasmine also needs some distance to go on this. Especially Jispa. Jasmine exasperations have been primarily on her inability to get Jispa to eat regularly. I will have to sit with Jispa and explain to her the value and the importance of eating and eating right. After she finished her back stroke I asked her if she got tired in middle. She agreed as much. I told her that her breakfast was wrong. She was quick to blame Mummy but she the she conveniently forgot to eat her snack that mommy had sent. Jasmine tries to send her decent snack and avoid junk in the dabba, but Jispa effectively foils her noble intention.
Many times I have been able to get through Jispa’s dogged refusal to understand by using the right words and talk. This time as well the task is on me to talk to her about food. I will have to do it and keep reinforcing the same. It always helps when she has had an experience that she can relate to and remember.
So far I have stayed away from trying to coach her and trying to get into motivation, push, egg, etc. you learn you try and see if you can do your best. There is also nothing that I think I can add at this stage. I am not an expert on all this. I am also not the one screaming and shouting at the kids a la other mothers. SWIM FAST SWIM FAST is not for me. See the game, try and analyse it. See how the champions do it, learn a bit. Ask the right questions. It will make an impact. Every sport has a technical side to it which must be mastered. You focus on the basics and you will get there. And once in the pool or arena for that matter, it’s you and the sport. No mama no papa no crowd no home support. What you have learnt and what you apply will count. Post that what new experiences you have encountered and what you have you have learnt from it will count. It’s really that simple really.
In the evening a friend remarked that you father and daughter must be having a cupboard full of medals. Ha ha. I said that when I was small, I was not the fastest swimmer, not the fastest runner, not the first in class, nothing. I won practically nothing. She has already far over achieved if I was the bench mark.
I think what helps for sure is the way we place importance on physical activity and having fun. I am sure she appreciated the fact that I came for the meet. I was not sure of going but I am glad I did. I could spot something; some change that I think might help her. As the bible on parenting said something like – your presence is an indicator of the importance you place on an activity and your child definitely takes cues from that.

a charmed life

I had seen some of the awesome stuff that they do at her school in their art class. Their teachers are so much better than what we had, its quite like living a dream. At the Kala Ghoda festival, there are a lot of art workshops organised and there the teachers at Jispa’s school are at the forefront leading and conducting workshops open for all the kids there. While we were discussing the lovely work that the kids did at the art class with her teacher at Kala Ghodha, her teacher mentioned that some that work was installed at the Prince of Wales museum gardens for all to see. Wow. That included some of the work that Jispa had assisted in doing. They had made life size stick figures with balloon heads. Jispa pointed out to the one she had done. She was excited to see her stuff open for all to see. She had done the head. She had fashioned the eyes, eyebrows, nose and colored the head of one of the stick figures… and it was on display at a Museum, albeit the gardens, but it was there. I would have never even imagined that anything that Jispa would have done, would have been displayed any where near a museum. It was far outside, even beyond my normally fecund imagination. That was one quite proud moment. I was telling Jispa that nothing like this ever happened to us while we were kids. Nothing we did in art class was ever displayed ever, not even in the school notice board, let alone a public display.
Also yesterday was Jispa’s swim meet at the gymkhana. She has been learning to swim properly under coaching for some time now. I could teach and encourage her only to a point; post which she required correct guidance and professional help. She just about learnt the freestyle and the back stoke. She took part in the under 8 category. The gymkhana is known in Mumbai for taking its swimming pretty seriously and produces some of the best swimmers in Mumbai. Jispa was not sure if she wanted to take part in the meet. Another mother around told that she swam well and she must take part, and so she did. We don’t want to push her too much and let her take her own decisions on meets and competitions. Not that she listens to us too much as well :) . So she did take part. There are3not so many competitors in her age category. Around 5- 6 kids who decided to compete. The others just didn’t bother. But to our surprise, she won the silver in freestyle and backstroke. Wow. She puts her slim body and strength to good use. She left a the more experienced swimmers well behind. They gave out trophies and Jispa was pretty proud to win the first “trophies” of her life. She took them to School for show and tell. I missed the freestyle thanks to my treatment was well in time for her back stroke event. I wanted to refrain from shouting out encouragement while she swam. You swim, you compete. If you win great. It takes some amount of self restraint not to be over joyed at her victory and effort. Till yesterday I haven’t really got the chance to see her really swim. When we are together in the pool, she doesn’t like swimming properly. She is more focussed on the fun we are having. I was really taken aback by her speed in backstroke. She is pretty good. After the race my stance has been ‘did you enjoy it’. ya? ‘cool good race’. I told her that she knows how to swim better than me and from now on I can’t really teach her much. In fact, I would be happy to learn some stuff from her. That’s the best encouragement I could muster. I really don’t want her to swim and compete for me. I don’t want her to have stress of any expectations from me. Unlike other kids, I want her to play on her own and not look at papa or mom after playing in a competition. I don’t want her to look at us for approval or disapproval. She has to compete within, find strength within. We will be there to take care, push her training, everything… but I refuse to put pressure on victory. I cant stand parents pushing or screaming at their kids egging them on or constantly trying to coach them. A small chat after the event focussing on the mistakes, learning’s etc, should be enough. Whatever you have to do you must do before the event. Then just shut up and watch it unfold. Afterwards observe, learn, chat and move on.
I was telling her that I had never won anything in swimming ever and she has already overachieved, if I am the benchmark. Jasmine added another point. She never competed in her school sports day as you had to wear shorts and her family did not allow that. Jispa was wondering why. I told her plain and simple – that I think your nana and nani were plain silly.

on another note: - a pic taken at the kala ghoda...

wow that was deep

From October onwards our office has announced that all Saturdays will be off. That is a good thing. Sure I will miss wearing all my lovely t shirts to office. All the sexy dri-fits but, hell, it sure is fun to start the weekend on every Friday. And this is just what I want to re start teaching. I love teaching. I will reorganize my thoughts, try and think of a proper syllabus and start teaching. It’s a must.
Interaction keeps you young, energetic and on your toes. That’s the bets way to do it. A proper subject with proper studies and course material. No being lazy. Proper home work and proper assignments and pre reads and post reads. Well that’s the plan at least. It’s worth trying to put in place a discipline. I have changed over the last few years and it does reflect in my approach. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had remained the same over all these years. What was suited for a younger trainee is soo not suited for someone who is a little up on the ladder. To be truthful, I don’t think I had too much in me as regards emotional intelligence when I started my career. Right now also many times I feel exasperated with certain situations but at least now I would be much in control of them. Recognizing them is the first step to improving I guess. Many times you don’t even know what you are doing is wrong. That’s when a good coach helps.
What happens when you don’t have a good coach? The classical treatise Mahabharat has an answer. Do what Eklayva did. Assume that your coach is there with you. What would he say? What would he want you to do? How would he have wanted you to behave? In life your coaches come and go. They impact you on your life and then either you or he moves on. I have seen that if you remember the basics of what they have taught you, you can remember it regularly enough to behave as if he was there in the present with you. That itself will help you improve. You may not have the coach for all situations and fields, but it is surely quite easy to adapt the coaching from one field to another. Your cricket coach can teach you about handling people that will help you in office. Parenting can teach you about responsibility. Teaching can teach you parenting. Inferences can be got across fields. Many times when stuck I would imagine the best possible coach for the situation. Then I would try to think of what he would do, or want me to do. It could even be your father, sister, friend or anyone who might do better than you.
Coaching also helps you get better. When you try to talk to someone and listen carefully to what they are saying then you are only going to help yourself improve. Many times my ‘wisdom’ has come when I lest expect it. I wouldn’t even know of something I know unless I have said it. Then I think to myself – wow, now that was deep.
I am currently reading ‘Surely you are joking, Mr Feynman. Man, that book is crazy funny. The way these guys get exposure in the top colleges in US is amazing. I would like to have the option of sending my kid to a good college, that will help her broaden her horizon not restrict it. Open up. Read around. Choose stuff from outside your field. Feynman was a physicist, who took up a summer internship in Biology just to go to a different field. I’d love to do something like that. Just go around explore a few things outside your core area, outside your comfort zone.