love yourself (with a purpose)

I used to look down on foodies. I saw them as fat food junkies who were lazy and ate anything without really appreciating the food or worse still, appreciating food and nothing else. they lived to eat and their entertainment was only what you could eat. the archetype of the fat foodie was in my head and i had a healthy disdain for their kind. For me food was simple, put in your tummy as fast as possible and run forward. More cheese and fat was good as long as you could burn it. I for the hell of it, could never understand why people would like to spend their time and money to search for interesting places to eat and get ‘foodertained’.

My tryst with food I think started later in life, I think around five six years ago. From 2004 to 2008, my job involved some bit of traveling and I enjoyed the luxuries of flying the country and staying in five star hotels. I couldn't care less about going out and experiencing the city. For me it was a simple thing of getting to the hotel, ordering dine in and filling the bath tub and sinking in with the luxuries that are on offer. When the 2008 crash happened, traveling was the first to go out form the window along with five star stays. It was at that time that I realized that I had travelled but not really seen anything in any city. The big one I remember very clearly was when I was in Kolkata and my hotel was next door to the Kolkata zoo, I simply stayed put and never ventured next door. So when travel stopped I realized what I needed to do when it restarted. 

So when in 2010 I began to travel again for work, I decided to see the sights and see the cities in all their glory. Also a long work day meant that most of the time the free time would be in the evening and in the evening if you want to see the city then it has to be more gastronomical than anything else.

Thats how i slowly started sampling what the city has to offer in terms of food more than anything else. Amongst the food memories that i have these few stand out - the chai in the earthen pot in kolkata, the chills pakoda in vizag, the crazy food market at Manek chowk in Ahmedabad and the sarafa bazaar in Indore, the delhi parantha waali galli in chandini chowk and the soya chop sabzi in bengali market (delhi) which i can never forget, murugan idli in Chennai, the bhendi chips in ananda bhavan in Bengaluru, parathas somewhere in Chandigarh, and so on… Such is the rich experience I have had over the last few years and ofcourrse i have obviously missed many more lovely experiences. Plus these are the ones I have experienced as an official traveler. Those that I have had a leisure traveler are also too numerous.

The leisure ones I think started in earnest with our London trip. In London, we were out the whole day and the thing we subsisted on were cheap sandwiches which you get everywhere. you just pick up with a drink and chips and run along doing whatever you wanted to do. So thats what we ended up doing. On the first day I told Jispa - no matter how tasty the sandwich, we not have the same thing twice. So we experimented with every different sandwich and bread that we could and I found a willing ally in Jispa. We discussed the texture and the tastes and we enjoyed the variety that London had to offer us.

Now that I found food interesting and my palate began to develop, my mind followed and I began to look closely at what I could understand on food. Texture, taste, ingredients etc gave me insights into the kind of behavior and attitudes people exhibited and it began to shape a lot about what I saw and understood. The best was when Jasmine’s brother took us to the Hilton resort at Shillim (lonavala) which by itself was an extremely pricey hotel. There, we were there for a few days and I was bored with the standard fare so we experimented with a new restaurant in the hotel. We walked and started ordering only to realize that it was Fine Dine. To my amazement, i loved the food and loved sharing about the experiences with Jispa. He palate too had refined and she could also find discernible differences in the texture and the food and the course. I was hooked.

So this time on Jasmine’s birthday I booked ourselves at the Masala Library which I was told had a lovely tasting menu which was designed as a nine course plated meal. ( a lot of people in India don't even know what plated means). WE went and enjoy the mean and we were critical of it enough to know what we were served was clearly NOT clearly up to mark. It was the most expensive meal that would have eaten with my family and it was an experience in itself. All my life i have had times of feeling rich and feeling poor. I would feel rich only to create a (happy) instance where I went and over invested and ended up being poor till salaries rose.

These days I am feeling mixed. Rich due to a surplus spending potential but risk averse as i work in an insecure start up environment. So I thought why not take food as an experience and enjoy it with Jispa and the family. Jasmine too enjoys her food but she is an extremely tough nut to crack. She is not easily amused or vocal about it. Being from her Dand family she loves sweet and cold stuff more than anything else. Very rarely I have seen her get interested in food and drink and she rarely praises the food. It would take a lot out of her to get her to appreciate fine food. i must seen her praise some food only a few times in the time I have been with her. If she like an experience then it better be world class. Jispa and me on the other hand act like critics enjoying, praising critiquing the food we have anywhere, including possibly Burger King! We can get intellectual about fries with Jasmine wondering what the fuss would be about.

I think Jispa and me just love having these overtly intellectual conversations knowing that we are just having a ball of a time having  conversation.

For the record, the masala Library was a sore disappointment and not be had. Shit bland and overpriced menu and hardly beautifully decorated and plated. It was just a north Indian explosion of fat and taste. Rich wannabe Punju style with nothing in terms of texture and differentiated taste to show for it. Nothing at all. Just normal punk food served with some feeble attempt at style. Zilch!

moving on - there is something I also want to write about - Chakrasan. Go ahead and google it. Its a pose in Yoga. AN the humble chakrasan is the pose that stands for a lot of things in my life right now. I joined pilates class to get my back into shape and stretch my muscles. Later i realized it was a yogalates class. Basically a combo of yoga with pilates. It seeks to strengthen core muscles and promote a generally healthy body. I tried it at the start and it immediately helped strengthen my back which had started to hurt again in the middle. My core developed and so did my general strength and health. Twice a week in the morning I go for it. After two odd months I realized something… I hated the class but it was good for me. I hate the shit ass yoga music played and I hate the exercises and I hate the stretching I have to do. I hate the surya namaskars I have to do in different variations, but I know one thing - its good for me. I think I have always hated gymming out. I prefer playing some sport or a game instead. This is torture for me of the highest order. So many exercises that end up really hurting while I do it. Especially the plank! Its really really a tough thing to do. Then you have variations and other stuff, I hate. I hate the warm up routine and I hate the end routine. I keep looking at the watch as to what time will this end. And i hate the chakrasan. But I discovered a weird kind of will power while doing it. I realized that I was willing to do something that I completely hated and for me its is a source of strength and some proof that at 40 I still had control over what is right for me. Wow.

And chakrasan is the one thing that proves it for me. At the start I just couldn't do the chakrasan. then slowly slowly I could manage it. then one time, I was determined and I did it. the next time again I did it again a little more determined. this time, I sprained a little on the back where I think some of my muscles or nerves got entangled. So the last time, this week, I simply thought a little, cleared my mind and with my own time, I slowly lifted my body. I could do the chakrasan! wow. That was good. But still it doesn't escape the fact that I hate the class. And I am so proud of myself for hating the class and yet going in for it regularly in the morning! We all do things we love and we willingly make sacrifices for it but for doing something you hate and yet doing it as it is good for you in the long run, you know you have grown a little older, when that happens, isn't it?

Coming back to food, since I am lactose intolerant, I discovered the joy of having coffee with soy milk at the Starbucks. My favorite is the cappuccino soy, dry. Dry means that they put a lot more foam than the liquid from the soy milk. Nice strong and tasty with a ratchet of sugar. But when its hot, I have struggled for  finding relevance at the Starbucks. And I found a new one. A double shot expresso, served with Soy milk on the side. Along with Ice. Its funny because this is not on the menu. A double shot expresso with milk on the side is the cheapest on the menu and it not meant to be cold. Cold drinks are expensive at Starbucks. The cold coffee with soy milk is expensive as the cold coffee is made with cream, so you can choose not to add cream but you get charged for it. They aren't allowed to expresso on the rocks so I ask for all the ingredients separately and get it made according to my specifications at the bar. I love the strong drink I get and its the cheapest thing on the menu. haha! The joys of gaming your favorite place to be and getting your best thing done!

Also since Jispa got her cell phone every time we get into the car, we end up connecting her cell to the car bluetooth and listen to her collection of songs. I think the basic kind of music that the kids like hasn't change from my time. But its nice to get acquainted with music this way. Jispa, unlike me, loves her music and understands it. So who am I to stand in the way. So i happily listen to it and learn from it. New learning - Justin Bieber - the kid who shot to stardom and was tanked for crap music has made a come back. he is fans i am told are called ‘Beliebers’ and his latest album (Purpose) has been a hit and a come back to silence critics. Ofcourse not all critics are amused and of course there are detractors, but the point is that he changed his songs and the fans love it. Non Beilebers have turned and are listening. Jispa has it in the collection of songs she plays and I have heard it. I can safely say I am impressed. It is a bold new avatar for the guy!

here is the song and the music video

jispa and I both enjoyed it!

and now i saw this - a youtube response to the song. the Original is a guys perspective on a  break up and this one has both perspectives. The youtube stars now sing a song with both perspectives with the chick giving it a hard shot where it hurts and she is the one using expletives! Hah! that is one hell of a video. Yes for the record I saw it with jispa and I did not bleep the expletive!

bend over

This yoga thing we do twice a week is really awesome. It has helped improve my back. I can’t believe that simple stretches improves back to such a great extent. The best and most noticeable improvement, I can sit in vajrasan for a long period of time without getting all numb. Vajrasan is this pose wherein you fold your legs under your thighs and sit on your soles. Ok.. that’s a bad description. Let me see if I can google a pic for you that best illustrates the pose. ………………………… yup. Here it is.
What’s so tough about it? Do it and sit in that pose for 5 minutes. You can huh? Good for you. You cant? I told you so.

But these small victories is something I look forward to notch up while I do yoga. Like bending forward and touching the head to my toes in bhadrasan position which start off like below. Just about managing that one.

But all this is good fun till one day I was doing yoga with my daughter in front of me. It is completely demoralising. She can just about do anything. She sits cross legged and completely folds forward touching the floor with her stomach. She is so comfortable with it that she many times goes to sleep in the car like thus.
yes... I tell you, she is asleep, fast asleep.
For those who care, please observe the foot coming out from the side. Just try sitting without bending with your feet coming out from the opposite side. Go ahead try it. Now bend over… ya go ahead. Just ensure you read the disclaimer that follows before doing it. Disclaimer: DON’T DO IT OR YOU MIGHT NEVER GET BACK UP AGAIN.

The yoga teacher tells us that you don’t chart progress in yoga by measuring your flexibility quotient. You measure it by understanding your mind. Are you more relaxed, more in control etc etc. this is one big let down for me as far as yoga is concerned. I don’t know if it has made an iota of difference to my mind yet. I think it’s because I got the thing screwed on wrong. I primarily concentrate on getting my postures correct, my breathing in order and ensure that I feel the twist. I am probably too muddled up with my physical being to really observe the mind.

But sometimes I also suspect that it is like so as I am constantly trying to train my mind. I am constantly trying to react impartially, see both sides of the equation, conquering fear, anger and reaction. I am doing mental yoga all the time. And it has helped me tremendously. So this actual yoga is not amounting to much. But then I could be completely wrong. I don’t know.
In absence of complete information I am taking things as they hit me step by step. My first priority now is my physical well being and that is what I am taking seriously through yoga. That’s what I want to achieve. The rest I will achieve, hopefully, slowly. It is tough to get up and practice yoga. It’s a good thing that it fits well into routine but even more difficult to manage is the stiff body. My hands go as far behind, my ankles hurt in vajrasan, my back bends less. It makes for a painful experience. But I guess I have to conquer that feeling, the stiffness. The tough part is not to lose motivation by comparing evening results to morning results. The thing is to constantly do it, diligently concentrating on your breathing. I remember doing yoga as a ninth standard student (around 14 years). I thought concentration was easier then. Now its tougher. I did not realise how I am unable to control my variety of thoughts. It requires really concentration to get anywhere near where the goal is and it is so difficult to hold it there, all concentrated on the breath. Yoga is really telling me how old I have become. Physically, mentally.

But I am glad. Very glad. I am happy that is possible. I hope I can carry it on for good and I continue to get something from it for a long time to come. It might easy tthat my expectations are low... a mere vajrasan pose without it hurting. The next goal is prathnasan without toes hurting… google it. it is so deceptively simple looking that I am embarrassed to tell you that holding that pose sitting in. hey that’s funny…I couldn’t get the image online. It’s the pose where you kneel down a la vajrasan but only your knees and your toes bent inwards touch the ground. Much like the nymph in all the calendar art depicting gods. The one who then is throwing petals in that position. Most temples you will see people kneeling in that position. Most corridors in schools also you will see the kids kneeling in that position. When the teacher is looking you are supposed to keep you butt up but when she glances away you rest your butt on your heels. There now I think you remember it, you naughty boy.

the blind spot

Arrogance almost cost me something very important and good. HR sent a mail saying that they are organising a yoga class which will be held in the premises. Which was very good according to me. Then I read on … it said that the yoga class will cost some amount. They did not disclose the amount.

“Hence please rush & send in your entries to the following mail id latest by February 08, 2010. Please note that participation will be on a first come first serve basis. This opportunity comes to you at a small price which we will let you know shortly.”

The amount never came in. I was like what on earth. How can you expect me to respond when you don’t tell me what the amount is? Tch tch what arrogance. Then one of my team members who had enrolled came to me and said that she had enrolled and it was around 700 bucks. She urged me to enrol. I sent a mail to one of the HR personnel and left it at that. No response. I didn’t pursue it much further. More arrogance. I had sent the mail nah!
Then I came to know that the class was full. 20 slots were all taken. After a couple of classes I asked around and found that hardly seven to eight regularly attend. There was room. I barged in one day and started attending the sessions. Lets see who has the balls to throw me out.
Nobody did. It has already made an impact in my life. My back feels much better. Soon enough HR reconciled and added me in and I paid the fees today. Cool nah?
My arrogance almost cost me a berth but my resilience bailed me out. Bach gaya saala.
Sometimes in our arrogance we don’t realise what we end up missing. Our arrogance in making the first move – “she should say something nah!” Our arrogance in ignoring advice, etc etc. my own personal arrogance that I fight daily because I read a lot so I think I know a lot. Our arrogance does not let us enjoy movies, plays or even simple things in life.
I have to and I will fight it daily and everywhere. I must.

relax....

I have started attending the yoga class at office. It’s twice a week at 6 in the evening. A very nice and sweet lady comes to teach. She obviously got tons of experience as a yoga teacher and she surely knows what asans the guys are absolutely pathetic at. She makes the class a bit light, so it gets nice with everybody smiling. Of course some will never smile and roam with the weight of the world behind them. Yoga cant do everything I guess. And also at 35 years I realised, I am the oldest idiot on the floor. The whole bloody class is younger than me. I guess I cope pretty ok, thanks to the fat stiff buggas but its something that I guess I have get used to as I grow older.
Back to the instructor…While the chatter box approach helps, it is a little distracting doing savasan. That is the pose where you play dead and relax your whole body and mind. So its fine when she askes to relax… relax the mind… the body… forget all thoughts… and then she goes on to say “forget everything… your spouse, your family, your job everything”. There that does it. How can you keep a blank mind when somebody is busy telling you what to forget? Oh shucks, she reminded me of all my responsibilities. No more relaxing for me.