English Literture and Silence

The times, they are a changing. Jispa has been studying regularly and I too have been studying along with her. No this time around its not me studying thanks to her but I am genuinely studying for a damn exam that I have to give. In the insurance industry one has to give some relevant exams if one has to represent the firm in various forums. This Saturday Jispa and I, both sat to study on the dining table. I found myself studying seriously, very seriously. I studied the whole day and finished one book of three that I needed to. It was quite surprising. I hate studying and I hate exams and I can’t bear to give any other one anymore.

The last time I gave a test professionally was around 15 years ago when in the broking industry there was a need for certification. I hated the feeling and I never understood why I should be the one giving the exams. They were meant for the sales and the dealers, not marketing professionals. The only reason the CEO made it compulsory for all, was that each certification was compulsory for each terminal and we needed as many as we could get. The stupid dealers were not competent by themselves to pass these tests and hence it was compulsory for all. He had made it a mandatory thing if you want your bonus.

Even then, studying without a purpose is a complete burden on yourself. I just found it difficult to sit down, remove time and study. But this time around things are different. I don’t know. Possibly because it’s a start up and hence there is a greater sense of a shared vision in me or because it’s just that I am older and saner and wiser and I realize that I have to pass this exam, I am studying religiously. I took a pen and the book and went through the whole book word by word. I took in time to understand the syllabus and try and remember the key points. At the end of the day, it wasn’t a chore; there was something more to it.

Jispa has also been studying like it’s serious business. For her studying is not a bore. She is right now amazing me by making notes of what she needs to study and she is carrying her books everywhere. Yesterday while we sat at the Starbucks at a mall, she was busy making her biology notes. I was talking to her, that I was never ever as serious as her about studying and looking at her makes my heart feel very warm. She is putting pressure on her own to study and do well. She wants to study. I told her that I think that, one of the big factors is also what she is studying. The style of teaching, the text books, the ability to put thought, the teachers, everything is so amazing that you feel like studying. I had a shit load of everything and my life was all about mugging up. That was studying. No application of brain or thought or out of the box thinking in an exam. Just shut up and vomit your brain of all the unwanted shit as fast as possible. If you met me 24 hours after an exam, I wouldn’t have even been able to recollect most of the syllabus. I remember cramming formulas seconds before the exam and running inside the class and writing it on the answer sheet, first thing. Then you can refer to it when you want, as you want.  That was my studies.

Jispa has been writing amazing things for her favorite English literature subject. We share a lot of time discussing stuff about how to interpret her English poetry. The other thing we also spend time over is listening to her music. I am trying to connect to it and am making an effort to listen to it. It’s been largely rewarding. I too have been trying to get out some old songs and getting her to listen to it. One song that V-inu played when we were at his place and which came up in the listening list on internet radio was ‘The sound of silence’ which was re-sung as a cover by Disturbed. It’s an amazing version with a really gruff voice of a rock singer. When melody meets a gruff voice and some tempo changing, it makes for a compelling listening.

Here you judge

But while you do so remember the original by Simon and Garfunkel. It’s a lovely one with the melody coming in through the strumming of the acoustic guitar and the vocals in chorus.

You decide which one is the better one!

But the point is not the music, but the juxtaposition of the poetry. With Jispa and me talking music and English, such music with amazing lyrics suddenly has far more meaning that simple melody

"The Sound Of Silence"

Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone

‘Neath the halo of a streetlamp

I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share

No one dare

Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools” said I, “You do not know

Silence like a cancer grows

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you”

But my words like silent raindrops fell

And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made

And the sign flashed out its warning

In the words that it was forming

And the sign said “The words of the prophets

Are written on the subway walls

And tenement halls

And whispered in the sounds of silence”

Tell me it’s not poetry and tell me it’s not literature. Garfunkel once summed up the song's meaning as "the inability of people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally but especially emotionally, so what you see around you are people unable to love each other”

We look at songs as lower art than poetry and pop songs as the way lower. I have argued that pop songs that fire a population’s imagination are as much literature as anything else. I have argues way back in my blog piece ( http://jaimit.blogspot.in/2009/07/time-to-change-times.html ) that Bob Dylan should be taught in schools and then, recently, it gave me joy to know that he got the Nobel Prize for literature. While there has been enough criticism on this, I firmly support the move. It brings song writers within the realm of serious literature. If Shakespeare would have been alive, would we have given him the Nobel or would we have told him that an Oscar is at best what he can do?

The Nobel prize allowed Jispa and me to revisit our friend Dylan while we were returning in the car. She put the music on as we listened to the times, they are a changing’ and “blowin in the wind”. She took my phone and searched for the lyrics online while the song was playing, enjoying the poetry in the composition as much as the melody.  Who knew English syllabus and Music would merge?

 Now that is song writing! If that doesn’t deserve the Nobel then what does.

A Nobel prize is a cash award for sure, it’s a recognition of the individual for sure, but more than anything, its role is to inspire many more to either emulate and try and achieve or simply still, follow the work being done in order to understand and imbibe. Because simple money can come in the form a grant, but real difference comes from the inspiration that recognition brings about. That is the true value of a Prize, especially if it is as big the Nobel Prize.

--

End bonus video of the "Disturbed" singer on singing the Sound of Silence.

I cant tell you what to do

Jispa is turning 13 and with that she is also turning into a monster that I have no clue on how to control. But the hell… why should a parent even be controlling anything about a child. It’s just not right. I don’t think as parents we really know what is in the best interest of the child. Of course we know some stuff from experience that we know is dangerous – like smoking kills or that liquor is something that’s not really advisable or weed is bad. But most of the other stuff – we have no clue. We think we do… we believe we do but really – we don’t. Hell we don’t even know what the hell we want from our lives – yet we try and control a lot for our children – I don’t understand why we do it. Today I fight…. Almost every day I fight myself. There are certain dos and don’ts that I would try and implement. Besides that I try and fight the need to bear over her and try my best to let her be. Of course mommy is right. The more you let her be the more she will get into trouble that she herself doesn’t want to. But then isn’t the role of parents to stop her from getting into trouble versus the role of growing up is to get into trouble all the time and then figuring out two things. How not to get into trouble in the first place then figuring out how to get out of it, once you have gotten into it. This is the weird dichotomy of parenting. We don’t know. I think we naturally think we are good at stopping trouble and we don’t realize that stopping trouble now is inviting trouble later on. So what’s the right answer? In parenting there is possibly no right answer. You invent things as you get along. Especially if you have one child…. There are no mistakes to learn from.  Just simple stuff that you think you would have loved to have as a child and the stuff you don’t want or want to have for your children. In many ways that is simple parenting.

I want Jispa to be free… I want her to say that in someday that she is what is … thanks to herself and not thanks to anyone – not her dad, not her mom not anyone else…and definitely not God. She has to be like the apocryphal story of Napolean who on coronation – lifted the crown from the hand of the Pope and crowned himself – saying that none me is fit to crown myself. In many showing that he owed his entire rise to himself and to no one else. I have had many mentors in my life. I have a learnt a lot from so many people. Not all tried to teach me, but the simple act of observation has helped me more than anything else. I am so happy that my dad never could pick up the phone and get me going on anything. He also passed away way before I could really use his help. My college my girlfriend (now wife) my job and I dug my own mentors from those around me.

So all that I have or don’t - is thanks to me. At my death bed I have myself to blame or thank. Of course Jasmine has helped me achieve whatever I could have or couldn’t have (you have to take both). But at the end – I have realized – you are alone. You stand alone – you die alone. The faster you realize that the better you are. It’s like the story of Valmiki who wrote the Ramayana – he takes to being a ascetic when he realizes that his family refuses to take his share of sins as your sins are yours and you have to bear the consequences of them. In many ways sins are the metaphors for your decisions. You have to bear them yourself. Others have their own to bear.

In the years that I have worked or taught – I see that many times – in fact I feel most of the time – parents are wrong. After a point of time they can’t really tell you what to do in life. I think all advice is stupid. People have to decide what they want to do for their own. Your children, my child has to decide for herself on what to do. What can I do? I can advise, I can guide, I can push, I can convince – but do I really know what’s right… no I don’t. Experience will tell me something – something that tells me that the process of decision making may not be right – but it doesn’t tell me if the decision is right or wrong. To add to this – we don’t believe that quitting is the right option.

Right now Jispa is swimming. Realistically – she is not a great swimmer. She is a good swimmer, but I don’t think she would be counted as amongst the great swimmers. She finds it tough to break in to the state team. She does well to represent Mumbai. Now what’s the right thing for her? One of her seniors from another club was applying to American Universities. The university looked at all the certificates of the national champion and kept them aside and asked for her timings. Her timings were nowhere the ones desired by the University… so now what? Apply of academic merit. That’s all. Jasmine and I were thinking about this since some time. What the hell should Jispa be doing? He swimming regime is tough and her school regime is now going to get really tough. Academic excellence is something that will give her choice on what to follow in her years to come – not swimming. Indian Swimmers are nowhere on any stage. They have no careers and they can barely earn enough to make ends meet from swimming. It’s not an independent profession. In any case that’s hardly a choice to be made for now. Sure she can always be a sports led profession here she can use her swimming knowledge to great advantage but it still require s a decent academic grounding. So we thought that we let her swim this year and then the next year she focusses on studies while swimming just enough to enjoy and not really to break through. In any case she has to now trust her coach and really improve in this year.

Jasmine and I are tired parents. It has been really tough. Thanks to Jispa’s swimming we have made some crazy number of sacrifices. Waking up is the least of them. The Sundays spent at swim meet, the nutrition, the holidays foregone etc. we have had some great returns but physically / mentally we are done. Right now I am concentrating on something simpler – what does Jispa do next year, in three years and then in five years from now. I am glad that Jispa has no clue what she wants to do. Right now she says that she doesn’t want to be a doctor or an engineer. Her subject she likes are Geography and History. I love that. I would imagine having a child who wants to be an engineer… yuck! So we have to figure a lot of things for her. Actually see – that’s exactly what a dad says but shouldn’t. Why “we” figure what to do. She has to figure what to do. I should be only a sounding board… an absorbent as well as a reflective material at the same time. Hopefully she will figure.

On this here are two videos that I came across – very interesting ones. Believe me – they are right. see them!

Both are amazing characters who do really well on youtube

End game - One of our friends is an amazing gentleman form Denmark. He was telling me that his son was a really good tennis player and he took him to London to train at the Wimbledon. His son played a few matches there and just wanted to give up Tennis and then just did not want to play anymore and wanted to come back home. His mom said – fine – come over and you need to study there or train there if you don’t want to. Today after many years – his son says – you should have pushed me then.

Boss!

Now at this age with a 12 year old kid – you are definitely an “uncle’. You may not like it – but you are the uncle. But sometimes you can get elevated. And if the boys in your daughters class elevate you then you have done something that is a huge achievement.

A couple of weeks back Jispa was at a party. When we went to pick her up the kids were playing in the compound after the party. Jispa got into the car and then I decided to play a prank on the other kids. I told Jispa to watch the fun. I quietly moved my car next to the kids. There were a couple of girls from Jispa’s class whose back was to us. I suddenly revved up the engine and let out a sharp horn and braked. The boys simply looked up and the girls let out a scream and were completely scared. They almost dropped everything they had. In a few seconds the boys knew that this was a prank and were laughing their ass out. Then the boys – the naughtiest and the worst of them came up to my car. I rolled down the windows – we hi fived and then the boy screamed out – “ Uncle – BOSS”. That’s it. No body said – great prank, awesome prank, awesome idea, Great, cool or anything like that. For that fleeting moment – I was upgraded from Uncle to BOSS! On the other window another legendary naughty kidd, hifived and proclaimed me BOSS. What more can I wish for? I was no longer a simple Uncle, I was THE BOSS!

Another self gloating thing. Jasmine and Jispa have been at logger heads over studying. Hence over the last couple of weeks I took over. I learnt from last year that teaching her school is different from teaching at the schools I grew up with. we could simply study the notebook and come out of the exams with flying colors. I learnt that the text book is more important than the notebook. In fact they make it a point to ask questions outside of the notebook that tests your fundamental knowledge of the subject. So this time I have started with the text book and then moved onto the notebook. In English I did not even touch the notebook. More energies were focused on talking about the chapters. But the school likes to raise the bar. One chapter they have is on Prometheus and Pandora and her box. The story goes blah blah blah and Gods give Pandora a box to take to earth. She is advised by a well wisher not to open it. Curiosity gets better of her. She opens it to release suffering and other worries from the box and hence earth suffers from it. At the end – she hears a tiny voice from the box she tried to shut. There was hope inside. She then release hope as well as a balm to all suffering. The question she got in the exam was – why would Zeus put hope in the box when we wanted to send the box as a punishment for all mankind. Wow. Now that’s a nice question. Jispa rose to the occasion and answered – that zeus wanted mankind to suffer for eternity. So if there was only suffering and sadness, they would have fought and killed each other to the end, but hope gives them the courage to live on and then to suffer these for life – for always there will be hope. I was stunned. I would expected a humane answer like – finally he is a god and so he left hope so that his children bear the suffering. But Jispa’s take on it was that Zeus was unimaginably cruel or possibly a sadist. Hope kills you more than anything else in suffering. Hah! Amazing. I told her that it’s a great answer and if you have written it well enough – I don’t care if your teacher doesn’t like it. Nice one. She said – ya. I have always found these Greek Gods to be really cruel in all the stories.

I have read this story as a child and never saw this side of the equation. Why would you put hope ina  box meant to suffer. And a possible reason  as Jispa pointed out is not so altruistic. Possibly Jispa sees it because she does try to think differently, or is it possible because at home we are pretty agnostic towards God and religion. We don’t revere God at home. So she is not brainwashed into the undisputed benevolence of God. She questions his motives and sees him as such – She sees large swatches of black in his behavior. Very very Interesting. Very different from what I saw. I am impressed.

Another one on studying. Yesterday Jasmine called me at lunch. She asked me on Jispa’s science preparedness and if she could get by just reading through. I replied in affirmative. Jispa was done. After I put the phone down I was pretty happy. I was the BOSS. Normally it’s the dad asking mom if the kid is prepared for the exam. Not the other way around. That was the ultimate BOSS compliment!

So now I hope Jispa is really prepared for her exams. We have done it the right way. No mugging but understanding. Slowly and surely done the right way. I was then telling Jasmine – now whatever she gets I will be ok with the results because this is the right way to study – marks are of no consequence.

BOSS!

Bonus Really Bakwaas video:-

Feeling wanted or not?

This weekend we took Jispa (a few other friends joined in) to Esselworld. Esselworld is an amusement park that has largely not reinvented itself since it first opened… when did it open? Around 20 years ago, I assume. I don’t remember too many changes in the park since I first went there as a college kid. That was a fun thing to do. Go with the gang, and of course your girlfriend. You like bumping into her when you sit at the dodge’em cars or at the rollercoasters. It surely was a nice place to be away with your friends or girlfriend in the good old days. Today at best what I can say about it… it’s a neat place. It’s not a dirty place and over the years, I don’t think it has gotten out priced and expensive.

But for me most of the rides have been completely closed to me. I can’t handle any ride that takes people in circles. Any circle. Even the sweetest, cutest and slowest of merry go rounds can get me queasy and likely to puke within seconds. I can handle rollercoasters with jumps and dives and stuff but just nothing round. The worst ride for me will be a simple cup saucer ride. The whole ride goes circular and then the cups inside of it also goes in circles. YUCK. Jamsine is blessed. She can happily go for any of these rides and come out smiling or even bored. Jispa takes after her. She too can handle as many circles as these stupid rides throw at her.

We have taken Jispa a couple of times to Esselworld before. The last was about three years ago. I remember her enjoying the rides and I remember me enjoying being with her. She would round and round on the merry go round, and I would be the stupid father, going “aaaaa” and “booooo” and “ wheeee” from outside the enclosure; shaking my hands wildly to get her attention and get her to smile. Then we would put her on one silly ride after another, spending good family time.

This time around at the entrance I should have known of what lay in store for me. At first, I had to shell the full adult fare for her. ‘HUH?’ Full fare? Wow. She is now above 4ft 6in, which means she is now a full price ticket with access to almost every adult ride. She beat it by a good two / three inches. Cool. Inside, it wasn’t as if papa would be taking her everywhere. She was going everywhere on her own with her friends. The ones that go in circles for sure, but I was quite amazed how she was completely at ease on her own in the dodge cars. She got into the car alone and she drove it all alone. Wow. How did she learn to do that? Elder kids struggle with the cars. Invariably there will be one adult stuck in the end with the car not moving. Without any instructions she was driving steering and banging into everyone perfectly. She was aiming the dam car right.

(thats her in the grey cap and jacket on the right)

Then followed the roller coaster. There too she was on her own. Who needs dad? So was for the tornado and the big splash. DONE. I told Jasmine, DONE. I am not going to go to Esselworld anymore. I always hated the rides, I hardly had two three rides which I could sit on; I went for spending time with my kids and here, I was completely …. not required. Really. It was so bad that in the middle I actually slept off on the bench.

Jispa is now growing up, no… Jispa has now really grown up. It’s difficult, but the faster we recognize that the better it is for us and her. Both Jasmine and I need to step off the pedal and let be free. The good old adage comes to mind – Permit where you can, protect where you must. Easier said than done.

Yesterday at night while she was going off to sleep she was protesting to me. She wants to enjoy her vacations but we are making her do half an hour of writing and then some tables and some Hindi. All that her school teachers asked us to do. I explained to her that she is now grown up. Her teacher wants her to write fast, as that’s the only thing that an issue with her. Her teacher says that next year, she won’t have the luxury of time. Her Hindi teacher wants her to improve her vocab so she must read a few Hindi books. And math tables are a bloody must – its even part of her summer homework.

I explained that – she has now grown up. I explained that she was on her own at the amusement park, wasn’t she? She doesn’t really need dad anymore in the same way. Thus she has a lot more freedom and a lot more power, and with it comes responsibility.  No option. She needs to study her stuff and write fast if she wants to do anything in her life. I explained how 100 mark papers have to be finished in two and a half hours. She needs to write fast. Then she asked me a basic question, why do you give less time in the exams. Errr? “Good question Jispa. I also don’t know why there is less time in an exam. Why would you need to write so much in so little time? I also don’t believe it”

Why do we have these stupid exam formats? It’s not like one more hour will make a bad student. Why are evaluated thus? Do we need a written pressure exam to separate the wheat from the chaff? “sorry Jispa, that’s the way it is. You will have to write fast for sure. And tables…. Tables are amongst the most important thing you must learn. Here I can help, by taking them up and making you learn, but rest… you are on your own in many ways. You will have to do the stuff”. “ok dad”.

What to do. I can’t understand why they still give dictation and notes in class. Just explain eth stuff, give out the notes and give us home-work and stuff. Why should we write notes in class? Why? I remember writing notes like crazy in school and college. There were limited text books, especially in B school, no internet and definitely no money to get the notes copied. But now all this is standard. But hell, we will still write and then we will insist on good handwriting and give limited time in the exams. What yaar. Come on. This shit must improve. How long can the education system lag. We are teaching kids to only expect questions from question banks. We are teaching them to learn by rote and we are definitely pushing them not to ask too much.

On asking… Jispa was asking me about my job. I was explaining marketing to her. How marketing should work and the role of marketing as opposed to simply advertising. How we must benchmark to the best across industries etc… and one topic was left to be answered. I have to explain to her this week about Sensex and Nifty. She heard it on TV once and she made a mental note about asking her Daddy. Finally I am suddenly feeling important after all. Dad seems to be in demand and of value. Otherwise the bloody Esselworld experience was leaving my self worth and self esteem in tatters.

Jump Jump

This week end Jispa has her top city swimming event. If she does well, she represents Mumbai at the state meet. She seems to be doing well and she has a decent chance of making the cut. At least in a couple of events. The last one year has been a bit tiring for us as regards her swimming. How much do we push? What does she require in nutrition and how do we balance swimming and studies. Her studies are cranking up a notch and Jasmine is feeling the pressure of studies which is getting transferred to Jispa. I don’t really blame anyone. Jispa is a nine year old, aspiring champion and a smart kid. Jasmine is a mother who knows that while swimming is good, studies is probably more important. How do we balance the two? It’s a delicate balance and here I must interfere and calm all the nerves around the house. Sometimes things are on the edge and the atmosphere gets very tense.

Even while swimming, it can get very tense with Jasmine getting dam irritated with Jispa when she suddenly starts swimming awkwardly. Jasmine goes twice a day to the pool, manages the food, the studies, everything and then if Jispa suddenly decides to do silly things, anyone can blow a fuse. My role is very clear in these times. I am lucky to be detached from the system. I am one step away. I can stay out and keep telling jasmine – its ok its ok. At that time, the biggest risk is that I can get the brunt of it.

Parenting is really frustrating at times. It’s impossible to keep your sensibility in check at all times. You never know what’s the next fight that’s around the corner. While swimming Jispa behaves like the champ. She changes into her costumes, adjusts her cap and goggles, takes her start and swims like crazy. As parents, one tends to forget that the tough competitor hides a child. A nine year old child with enough ants in her pants. This came to the fore during the otter’s club meet. The otters club swimming pool has a section which has a diving board. The kids completely freak out on it. Jispa has never been off one. Between events Jasmine told me that Jispa is having fun at the diving boards. I thought should go around and teach her a trick or two. I used to dive off the board as a kid and it was good fun. We used to have fun diving just like that as well. Who needed a board. We tried to perfect dives and I remember we even tried to do a somersault while diving. That was real fun. Especially if you land on your back and get a whack from the water. So I thought it would make sense to knock some non sense into her diving.

I reached there to find Jispa doing this…

So here I was the one trying to teach a kid to be a kid. It’s humbling to know that your kid doesn’t need you to teach her. Later I asked her who taught her and of course, I should have guessed. Her friends. Get a board and a water body, that’s all the kids need to have fun. I can only take credit for the fact that I did not stop their fun.