the ingredients of performance

Food is everything! Growing up, I did not realize the power of food to do what we need to do if we are to push ourselves. Our minds and our bodies are completely dependent on the food intake. I realize this quite late in life. I think I really started thinking about it when I think I started getting older and when I still wanted to play. I think it started with Squash. I started playing squash at the gymkhana and I realized that on certain days I played better and on certain days I was a disaster. I would get tired and couldn't well on certain days and one certain days I could go on and on like a Duracell battery. When I looked back, even the simple act of eating a humble vada pav, which is as unhealthy as it gets, made a difference in my game and my stamina. You need some fuel to burn. I think the other big one (I think I have blogged about it) was when many years ago I was amongst the last to bat while chasing a score. We lost the match as in the end I just had no energy left to bat or run or hit. I never did forgive myself. It was simple - I hadn't eaten proper lunch before joining for the match. By the time, I went to bat I had no energy. After that, I made it a point to eat and drink well before and during the match. The results played out very soon. At the fag end of my cricket playing days, I could be amongst the oldest but a tireless player, even over a 45 over match. I think one of my greatest cricketing feats was when in one 45 over match the team had scored enough in 20 overs and were 8 wickets down. I batted for 25 overs, without getting out and hardly scoring as well. But I stuck through. I think we won that one as the opposite team just went bonkers trying to get the last pair out. They spent all their energy just trying to bowl us out. And we just remain steadfast and kept them on the ground.

Food is extremely important. And water of course. Whenever I play badminton I take my water to the game and eat two small bananas. bananas are the best. When I don't have them I eat an apple, but in my experience, nothing does better for me than bananas. On certain days, I can feel the difference. on Monday, I went to play and forgot to eat properly. I had just half an apple. When I was playing I realized that something was wrong. My energy was failing and my game wasn't going too good. I was missing something. the shuttle was going in the right place and I had trouble concentrating in the shuttle. Then I realized - I hadn't eaten properly.

A couple of months ago I had started Pilates. Here also, I went after eating two bananas. The result - in my first class itself - I had to rush out to puke. Wow. Pilates is not so much about cardio as it is about really flexing your core, that includes your stomach. It was bad. I learned my lesson. Eat only one banana and that too, at least, an hour before. I ate something wrong once again and in one of the other classes, I puked again. Pilates is tough and you really squeeze your stomach while you push yourself. Also, I realized that this is not simple puke. I felt as if there was a bit of acidity that was also throwing itself out. It's a good kind of thing to vomit. It felt like a release of toxins. That's when I realized that sometimes the stomach is out of whack and it refuses to behave and perform under pressure. You have to control what you eat and when you eat. The simplest of all solutions for this morning acid during pilates is a shot of lime and honey in the morning. I also add that to the water and we are set. It hasn't happened when I have this combo.

Pilates is going just fine. The place where I go is actually a dance academy where all the kids who teach me are just that - kids learning dancing. When I interact wit these kids I realize that these kids have a passion for dancing and they really want to push themselves. They braved all odds to become dancers and they want to follow their dreams and their goals. They are simple kids with dreams and passions in their hearts and their eyes. You can see that. they want to do well. My teacher is a young boy of 20. Neeraj. Every time he tries his best to teach and asks me if all was great after the session. he wants to please and do better. He wants me to do better. He wants to set goals for me. He wants to push me.

That's a great thing most of the time, but a crazy thing on certain days. On the days when the other members bunk and I am the only guy, it's a crazy thing. While doing the exercises in a class, it's easy to cheat a bit. Take a little break, do a few fewer counts, relax a bit. But when you are the only one - it gets crazy. This Tuesday, I was the only one and for some reason, my stomach was not up to it. I think there was acidity. This is a killer combo. I could barely do much and he was on my case. he wanted me to do good. At the end, I had to plead and say not today. 

I get the feeling that they realize that I am an old man - twice their age - but I really try hard. I push myself and try to do the exercises. These have helped me. I feel the bulk in my shoulders and chest. I think I am growing strong. Simply by doing these freehand work and no weights. These kids and I have bonded well. It's a cute, uncle kiddo thing, where they push and respect me; and I push them around but still respect them. I can scold them and they scold me.

Speaking of which - Jispa is getting really tortured at swimming. They have really increased the workload and they have been pushing her to the brink. The workouts are really tough and strenuous. In addition, to swimming, they have started land training which looks a lot like the pilates I do. they also have a little weight training in the routine. Jispa gets rogered. I have given her a massage every night. Yesterday while I was massaging her, for the first time, I felt that she has serious biceps now. She always had tone but now I could feel bulk. Wow. She is fit and now she is getting strong. Really strong! I can see cuts with bulk. This is serious.

I was telling her, now you know what champions do and what they go through. Go Champion. this is your choice, you have chosen and now it's up to you to fulfill your dream. WOW.

well done sonny boy

Who is Sonny Bill Williams. Well. He is the Sachin Tendulkar of New Zealand. If google searches are a metric, this man ranks as the amongst the top 10 from eh country, eclipsing some real hot women stars. Its always the women stars that you need to beat, isn't it? I came across this guy today as i saw, what is to my mind the most inspirational video  that i would have ever seen.

Sonny is a New Zealand rugby player. He is adored and worshipped amongst those who follow rugby. He is also a heavyweight boxer, amongst the top 100 in the world. that would make him by most archetypes an extremely aggressive person, who you wouldn't want to mess with. Imagine Tyson playing Rugby. Now that is a crazy ass kind of personality. Sonny also at the start of his career got into all sorts of trouble - caught making out with a model, pissing in the alleys and drunk driving among other stuff. It seems something happened - a change to Islam and the guy turned. he is now clean, doesn't drink and is a role model for kids.

But that is still not inspiring to me. A lot of people turn around in life. Some thanks to a question of faith and some for some other reasons. People turn. I am not so crazy about seeing people turn. its commendable but NOT that crazy. But When a perceived archetype of a jock shows he is an athlete - that moves me like nothing else.

See the below video. Its really crazy. The New Zealand All Blacks are the most crazy rugby team in the world. feared all over they start their session with a Maori haha that gets them all worked up and puts fear in the hearts of the opposition. This team just finished a world cup campaign where they ended up as the champions. At the end of the match the players who would be at the highest level of their testosterone filled bodies are taking a lap of honour in front of a delirious crowd. A kid try to run in and meet their hero. This kid gets brutally tackled by a security officer. I think he was a bit too serious about his job, but then he is trained to react knowing how crazy and drunk a fan can get. The next thing that happens is that our champion immediately restrains the security officer from doing more harm, takes the kid and shields him in his burly hands. he hugs the kid. Other players too help in keeping the security out of the kids reach. One player pulls out his All Blacks warm cap and puts it on the kid. Thats still humanity and empathy. But what the Sonny proceeds to do next tells us a lot about his mind.

Sonny then still hugging the boy talks a little to him. I think he asks him where his folks are and then escorts him to his folks in the crowd. He doesn't need to do that. That is a human being knowing how to achieve complete closure on the empathy that you show. He knows that the kid had a rough tackle and that the security wouldn't be too cool with him, he takes the boy all the way to the crowd where he hands him over. AND THEN does something that i wouldn't even think of. He spontaneously removes his medal that he received for the world cup and hands it over to the kid. HE GIVES AWAY HIS WORLD CUP MEDAL!

I had a lot of cricket trophies on my table a few years ago. Medals, trophies and other paraphernalia. One day I decided that its stupid. The achievements were nowhere near as good. They came against stupid players with little or no skill. I hardly did anything of note against any thing of quality. So i junked every trophy I had and I junked every certificate i got. Most of them were stupid and nothing but ego feeding, navel gazing crap of no real value. What would i gain by showing off what I had (or rather little) achieved. Nothing. As you grow up the value chain as a corporate professional, you get even more crap to display on your desk. People who think they want your mindshare by simply giving you a certificate of appreciation with your name on it in the hope that you will not throw it. I have met more than one professional who takes a lot of care and effort to display the range of trophies that they have won over the years along with the certificates of meaningless value. Why would they do that? And some of these have been seriously large people in their fields with a lot of achievements that they need not prove to anyone about. So - i threw out a lot of stuff. better to not keep than to keep vanity junk.

But Sonny… Sonny gave away what everyone else will consider an heirloom. It is something that you will hang on your wall for infinity, it is something of real value, it is something that your grandkids will remember and cherish. It is a manifestation of all you have achieved. It is your proof that you were amongst the world’s best! and you just gave it away to a boy who was treated rough? Would you give away something you have worked all your life to achieve… well its not everything you have achieved but it is the physical manifestation of all you have achieved.

I have had the pleasure of working two outstanding individuals. One is Prem and the other is Rajesh. They showed me what true compassion and humility is all about. After those two - this is one thing that I am not likely to forget. This is greatness absolute greatness. A true athlete knows that while the standards of performance he sets out for are for himself, at a fundamental level, he is what he is because of the fans who love him and adore him and want him to succeed. An athlete is nothing without his fans. Respecting your fans is the greatest thing you can do. And what Sonny did was a show of humility and respect - no is above the game but no one is above the collective audience who watches the game. 

football!

Oh man the football world cup is here. One of the things that I really miss by not having cable TV is the Football world cup.

I was in Dubai till I was about 8 years old. The national sport of the Emirates is Football. Of course we immigrants would be crazy about cricket but football was well promoted. And to add  - my brother was great at football and loved playing it. So football was an important sport. Then we came to India and we enrolled ourselves in Don Bosco. Being a catholic school run by priests – the favorite sport they played was – yes you guessed it – football. Football was seen as a more prestigious sport than cricket and the super stars were not the ones in the cricket team but the ones in the football team. This was in spite of the fact that the famous Indian cricketer Ravi Shastri was an aluminous of the school and had led the school to victory in the prestigious Giles shield. Cricket was meant for sissies.

I tried to get into the football team and I think just because I was the brother of a good player – the rector in charge took me in the B team. I practiced for a few days only to fall ill. It was monsoon and I would fall ill every monsoon and so I never did get to play serious football. Though I do think that I would have sucked at it. I liked to play defender and I would see myself charging at the ball and throwing myself at it. I liked to slide and tackle. The muck was so much that you just slide and even if you missed the ball completely and knocked the striker out, nobody really cared. The game was completely on who was ready to get muckier than the other.

So I never did get to play too much football even though I loved the sport. That was a really bad thing and so I naturally moved on to other sports and qualified for basketball. It was a weird reason that I moved to basketball. There was an essay that we had to write in the seventh standard on a sport and I was still hung over the “I grew up abroad thing” and I wrote about playing basketball and baseball, though I never did play the sport. And then… one day we wanted to field a team and a senior came to the classrooms asking or players. I put my hand up. We were called for trials and were taught a few basics of the game. After this they held a small trial where they asked us all to run up dribbling to the net and throw a ball. I remember mine going in for a basket. And boom – I was in the school team. After this we got some better training from one of the seniors who was a basketball fanatic and we improved. We had one guy from US in the school, one Indian whose parents tried to experiment with coming back. He was the only genuine player. I think his name was Sameer. The others were simply in and around him. We played on the full size court and then before the match, we were told that we would be playing on the smaller courts with smaller balls. Junior basketball. We played against the school called Ahmed Sailors they were the reigning champions and were rumored to field over age players. We lost our first game pretty bad. No one really did give us a chance. I don’t remember but we did get a few balls inside. We didn’t even know the rules completely. I remember getting a foul for taking too much time to throw the ball from outside and once for cutting the line while throwing in. It was a disaster!

But it was enough to fool myself that I am a basketball player and I lived that lie enough for the next few years to be amongst the better players around. Enough to be good enough for the interclass teams, which is also not a bad deal in a school that prides itself on sports. As far as football is in consideration – I must have played one or two interclass matches, as a defender. I think I was so bad that I would play in one half and then play in another. Pappu footballer.

My next stint with football was in intercorportae matches. As in cricket; its not about skill set but more to do with being young and energetic – basically fit enough to run around. Once while I was in Star TV I played one day for their team in a seven a side match. I quickly realized that the game. There was no offside. Which is a great game changer as far as football is considered. All you have to do is hang around the goal. In effect you need attack and then defense. You don’t need a midfield. Seven a side matches are played on smaller grounds and have kick ins from the outside line. We had one champion striker. So I rallied the team to ensure he gets the ball, from any angle. My role in the team was to kick the ball to him. I kept giving him high lobs for him to convert. We won our matches on the first day but my kicking style along with my bakwaas shoes ensured I was with a broken toe nail by the end of the day. So the next day I wasn’t there and we lost. From what I heard of the guys – I thought we lost on strategy more than anything else.

Other football matches I played in were other corporate matches. Again the only reason I might be taken in was because I was fit enough to run / kick. These used to be played during the monsoon and the grounds used to be full of muck. I used to keep falling all the time. You try and kick the ball and whoosh – you are staring at the sky.  It was a terrible ordeal. Till one day I decided to buy football studs. Then on my life improved dramatically, but I think I only played one tournament before my knee gave way and I don’t have the courage to play anymore.

Talking about football studs – my brother played in the school team and hence had studs. But that was another story altogether. In 1984/85 India was a ridiculously poor country and the football studs were made of wood. Yes. These were called wooden studs and were nailed to the shoes. If you were rich would you buy rubber studs.  My poor brother must have had quite an ordeal coming in from Dubai and then wearing wooden studs for the game. I think I have worn them on one occasion and yes – they were painful. Especially since the nails would pass through the insoles thanks to the extensive use. Many years later one sports salesman at a store told me that they looked like wood but were actually made of hard leather. Whatever. The nails were iron for sure.

So now I have a pair of studs in my cupboard that serve no real purpose. I don’t know what to do with them. I hate to throw them away but I know I will never be able to use them. Will have to throw them for sure. Sigh. And as far as the world cup is concerned. I will have to see the updates on google and figure. What else?

Just for the record – I have always loved the German football team.

Dreams... best left at that

Last weekend Jispa’s swim meet which was held at Cricket Club of India. It helped me fulfill one dream of mine. To sit in the stands and watch a Ranji trophy match. Mumbai was playing Bengal in the match. The match also happened to be held at the same venue and there is stadium access from the pool area. Not that it mattered. Ranji matches are in any case I think free of cost to watch.

The stadium was empty save one stand. This was the stand above the screen on the opposite end from the pavilion. There were about 50 guys relaxing and watching. Some seemed knowledgeable and knew when to applaud a delivery. But on the whole the stadium was empty. If one were to look at the crowd, one would assume cricket is dying in India. That made me think what all could be done to promote this form of the game.

I thought that we could have a band for starters. Then allow people to get in their own food and beverages as a picnic. Since the stadium has steps in the stands they would need to create a flat platform. Also one could provide for decent cheap food and drinks as well on the other side have a better type restaurant. Then a bowling machine on one side for people to try their hand at cricket, contests for looking weird, and lots more fun. And also digital screens for replays, proper score boards, interactions with experts… blah blah. The most important –get the guys to wear t shirts with names on them. These poor Ranji players might be great players but no one knows them and we at least deserve to know their names if they bat or bowl or field. In short, keep the game sacred, after all it’s a test match, but spectators need a carnival! And then publicize the carnival. Use the press.

One of the things I was also thinking about was have a photography contest. One the sidelines have a veteran photographer giving tips and have these hoards of amateurs clicking and sharing. There you even have content for social media, stuff you can share on Facebook and make the match even more talked about. There are a plethora of amateur photographers who think that just because they have an SLR, they are pros at the job. They love coming in and discussing stuff and trying to take great photos. Hell even the non SLR guys are forever clicking.

I was thinking about this when I was walking back to the pool from the stands. There one more swim parent was there. He had a camera in his hand and was trying to get a piece of the action. At that time, one guard was rushing towards him. “no sir, cameras not allowed here. Not allowed to take photos.” There, that’s India for you. ban it, stop it, prevent it. I understand that big stadiums have a security threat on a big match day, but here, you want guys to click away and share the moment. In any case you can’t stop mobile phones which most use in any case. Once IPL season starts, your FB is spammed with guys clicking themselves inside stadiums, even when ‘it’s not allowed’.

You don’t allow food, no drinks, no shops to buy anything from, no names, no replays, no contests, no atmosphere… and you wonder… is domestic cricket dying. Dam you idiots. A complete lethargy of thought from the richest cricket board in India. What do they do with all that money? There is tons of it to do what?

Forget it! My dream was to see a Ranji trophy match. Now I know why I never ever went nor knew anyone who went. What a stupid thing to do. Boredom at its best! Some dreams are best kept the dream stage itself.

what a racquet

When the markets were doing very well, many years ago, one friend asked me a simple question. “what are you investing in these days?”. Ever since I was working in the broking or the HNI wealth advisory part of the financial world, everyone normally expects me to know a lot about investing. And not the boring simple, invest regularly in a mutual fund kind of investing, but the more exotic hot stock or hot deal kind of investing. To their utter disappointment, I knew nothing of the sort. I am not a great investor. In fact I can’t be even called an informed investor. My investments style is simple. Don’t.

I have been relatively lucky. Thanks to the firm where I work, I have given a decent sum of stock options. They used to be a decent sum, till I had to sell most of them to finance the new house I purchased. So being heavily invested in the options, I saw no great need to put more money in the share market. Also my job prospect is largely dictated by the share market and hence I would want to add any more volatility to my income and net worth. And now if you add the math and the EMIs that I pay on the housing loan… you are right. No money left to invest. So by default I have no investments to be made. But ya technically I am over invested. Opposites reconciling?

So the cool answer I gave to the question was “I am investing in my health”. The greatest investment I ever made was the gymkhana membership. That is one thing we use so bloody often. We are there in morning and evening, using or should I say squeezing the most out of our membership. Thanks to that I am living my sports dream. So now I carry stuff to swim, play squash, table tennis, badminton and tennis. The tennis racquet was there more out of hope than anything else and yesterday I was most pleased to start a little bit of tennis. So that completed almost the whole circle for me. Now that that to Jispa’s training we wake up everyday morning I convinced a few friends to wake up along with as well. They too come to the gymkhana and play with me. It’s great fun and it’s good for their health. I am investing my time in their health. It’s not a bad trade off. I get my bit of exercise as well.

Well that’s it. There is probably nothing remotely insightful in this blog. Just that I thought it was dam cool, that I now actively play all the sports in the gymkhana. Of course I consider billiards and the card room out of bounds from my perspective. I just loved the fact with tennis my circle is some what complete. Especially tennis. Till we were in Dubai in the third grade, I saw my dad play tennis in the club. I used to be the ball boy at times. He had a yonnex tennis racquet or something like that. Then he got me a junior tennis racquet. It was a Wilson – made of wood. I loved that piece. It was my racquet for me to play tennis. The tragedy of that racquet was that it was of no use ever. It never ever got used. I never played tennis with it. I could only feel it and smell it. We left Dubai soon enough and in India I never did get a chance to use that lovely racquet. I always wanted to play tennis. I guess in many ways thanks to that Wilson more than anything else.

I don’t a pic of that racquet and it’s been years since I last saw it, locked in mom’s cupboard, but here is a pic that I assume comes close enough. We must have bought it in 1983 or there abouts.

oh baby sing a song

Brrr… Mumbai has gotten cooler in the mornings. And so has the swimming pool. I feel cold just looking at Jispa and the kids taking a dip in the pool at 5.45 am. My squash court is also closed for renovation, so today I decided to join her in the pool. Hmmm. It is cold. But its ok when you get swimming. after a long time I did around 12 laps and I could have possibly done more, but I came out. Its always interesting to see that every sport has a different muscle group requirement. No matter how much I might be playing squash, but after a round of intense swimming after a long time, and my different muscle groups made their presence felt. Sports – it makes feel alive.
I feel so good that Jispa is doing her share of sporting activities. But we never knew it would get this serious. Today the coach asked us if we were going anywhere for a vacation. Luckily we weren’t. He did not want Jispa to miss her routine as she was doing well. Then I asked about March and he said that state selections are in April. So that now leaves us for June. Wow. I can’t handle such a long break from a break. I will have to figure a way to stay at home and relax and make the best of my holidays. So now I am planning a June vacation. My immediate reaction was – it better be two weeks at the least. Lost for 14 days, preferably without the cell or internet or anything else!
You know… I am not the music types. I don’t really listen to music much but today I somehow was listening to an old Kishore kumar number and suddenly I smiled at the irony of it. I am right now listening to this number and talking about a vacation with my daughter with no cell or internet… and the song is… did you guess this one?

Ek aise gagan ke tale – jahan gum bhi na ho, aasun bhi na ho… bus pyaar pyaar pale….
Wow. Some sweet happy coincidences in life! It set the mood. What a lovely song! And lovely lyrics. Simple heart tugging stuff.
Listen to some more Kishore.

This was and still is a big hit. The number of times it has been resung remix and rescrewed is amazing. In fact I had to look a little more to get the original…. But at least I got to it. I feel so lucky to be able to find and share music and videos through the internet and of course youtube. In 1984 or 85 when we came in from Dubai, there was one cassette player in the house and that was monopolized by my teenage sister with fresh notions of romance in her head. Ok I am being slightly uncharitable but, she did monopolise it. It was a two-in-one which some of our young readers might know the meaning.Basically the player had not one but two cassette decks and a radio, which I have explained many times in the past was a REALLY big thing in the deprived pre liberalization era. It looked somewhat like this one here


So this one time the big musical hit Love Story was being aired on our national channel. Which was also a big thing as we had a movie aired only once a week on Sunday evenings. Socialist India treat for its citizens! So my sis decided to record all the songs using the two in one placed next to the TV. NOPES there were no wires connecting the two. It was an attempt to pirate using good old record button when the song played. The TV would blare and the player would record. I don’t remember very well but I don’t think it worked well as an experiment. But I do remember getting grief from my sister when I came in ringing the bell a few times. Opps. Teenage elder sisters are dangerous.
We should say grace for we have the internet!
While we are on songs – while I was searching for Neele Neele Amber pe, I chanced upon this south Indian piece from which it was inspired (I am not sure which one came first though). Listen on –

And of course the original from Love Story. Teenage elder sisters… sigh.

a sporty mind

Two months of being away from the swimming pool can really deteriorate your swimming ability. I restarted swimming – twice a week, when I have to leave Jispa for taekwondo class. From the 12-16 laps that I could do, I have come down to 3-4. Of course my technique needs improving and I also realized, my mind plays a very large role in my sporting endeavors.
While playing squash, I seemed to have hit a wall, as far as improvements go. Something is not happening right. Instead of length balls, I keep hitting the side walls. Something is wrong. I was talking to the coach and I realized that I am not preparing myself mentally before a game. I need to think through the game, run through the shots in my head, keep playing the shots mentally and in the right way. That helps me a lot. Of course that’s not the only thing. My technique itself is also suspect. So the coach showed me some practice moves that I need to do to ensure my racquet is at the right angle. It needs to be open rather than closed while playing. Hit up hit up. I hope to keep practicing this when I am early in the morning. I am also quite pleased with the way the coach is taking interest in my progress. He is a quite sort of guy who does not really coach unless you keep at it. He rather be a quiet spectator. I guess he has learnt it right. All sorts of people come to the club. A lot of them are know it alls. He is always open and there if you want to speak to him, but he keeps to himself and only gives out coaching instructions when prodded. I accidently figured it out. Now I play squash not only purely for fitness, but I also want to improve the game. Keep thinking, keep playing, and keep at it. It gives me great pleasure to play it with a purpose. I don’t ever count the score; that I leave to the other guy. Good for him to keep him mentally occupied. I am going to play every ball the same irrespective of the score, then why bother counting the score. Thanks to this attitude I chase every ball, and my first rule is keep the ball in play, so I have had some amazing rallies with another player at the club, who is far better than me, but just my ability to reach and keep the ball in play constantly, can result in some really long and amazing rallies, which are delight to play and a delight to watch. When you are barely reaching the ball, just keeping it in play requires a tremendous amount of effort and sheer will power. Keep reaching and keep avoiding an unforced error. That’s the key. But that does mean anything besides the fact that I get a good stretch. I need to keep playing right, get technique right.
Coming back to swimming, I am also working there on technique. I have to think through before I get into the pool. What am I going to do, how will my hands move, how will they enter the water, how will they pull it back. I think of my swimming coach and assume he is there giving instructions. The last time I just got into the water without thinking about anything and I made a complete hash out of it. I have to keep thinking. today, much thought went into the swim and I was far better at it. think think think. How the hell does it work?
It’s like the mind thinks of the various things it wants to do and the muscle just seems to follow. You don’t think and you are gone, because the muscle then does what it just wants to and completely messes things up. The hands go anywhere and the legs dance about. The mind alone can control it. Thinking about technique and being aware of your body while playing a sport is like moving into a trance like meditative state. It is lesser in the case of cricket and squash. You are trying to react to the situation and in cricket, you are constantly aware of the score. But I just love swimming as you are up against yourself. There is no score, no one to beat, nothing to attack. There is you and then there is your technique. While swimming I can think of nothing else. Where is my arm, where is my head, what are my legs doing? If meditation is keeping all thoughts away, then this is as close as it gets. I am only self aware. Only thinking about myself, my body. It is impossible to think of anything else. I also don’t want to go faster. I only want to go longer. To go longer I have to go slower and in correct rhythm. I try and feel the rhythm. If the rhythm is right the effort is minimal. I must get to 20 laps, without even panting. That is my goal for now.
This is my get away plan these days. I have decided to focus a lot of my energies on my work and on my personal life. I have changed a lot of my thinking. Now one year has passed in this organization. I have given the organization a direction that is potentially game changing. The organization would need to work on it. I need to work on it. More than anything, I realize that my team needs to now move a few notches higher. It is fine to give a strategy but it is even more amazing to implement it. I have one year of implementation ahead of me. Dogged head down, implementation. I know the firm does not right now have the money to really reward me. That is in many ways a good thing. I will do whatever I am doing because I want to do it, because I want to do it for the team and take them forward. I want to do it. I realize that it is my cross to carry. In the course of which, people will leave me, people will hate me, people will not be grateful, or even be annoyed by it. But I still need to do it. Do it for them, as I believe it is right. Do it for myself, as I believe it’s right. It is a tough burden to carry.
When you carry such burdens you realize, that no matter how good the support you have at home or at office, you are essentially on your own. That puts different pressure on you. Over the years I have learnt to not take too much pressure home with you. My bosses have also been kind enough to let me be thus. But I strongly suspect that the swimming and the squash and of course my beloved cricket has helped. If nothing else, I am completely ignorant of anything around me when I am pursuing these activities. I think it teaches a certain degree of equanimity, a certain calm and a certain meditative, reflective stance.
Whatever… I am living my childhood dream to be amongst sports. I think I am changing as a person. I think I might be getting a little better. I hope I am. Hopefully a more focused calm and controlled person. Just a little bit. I keep slipping back. But I must be better controlled. Sport is a great teacher and a greater metaphor. Let me keep at it. So help me all.

play the game

The reason I probably played cricket for my office was because I could clear the field to any ball being pitched up to me. The main reason I continue it is because it gives me an amazing insight into team dynamics and situations. It is an amazing game that lends itself to strategy over a longer period of time. I miss that when I play squash. That is a different game. It is an individual skill game pitted against your opponent, with tons of sleight thrown in. And I would assume a game like golf will be at the opposite end of the spectrum. These vary in their need to react with the environment. In cricket you keep yourself open at all points to the environment. The situation of the team, the bowlers you play, the condition of the ground everything while focusing on your own game. It is quite a flip flop when you take in the big picture, make mental notes and immediately almost blank out and focus on next ball and play appropriately. Your metal note shelp you play appropriately. A big shot or a dour defensive. Squash means playing in your zone while keeping track of opponent’s movement and probable shot play. You constantly try to refine your game and make the opponent play to his weakness or take advantage of his position on court. Drop shot, wall shot, low winner, lob… it is a play between what you can play and what will make life difficult for the opponent. Golf is between you, the ball and the course.
Different games do different things. I am glad I played cricket for what it’s worth, I am glad I play squash. No golf yet but might to pick on similar sports like shooting or something that would help me play ‘inside my self’ more than anything else. That should be fun. No leadership, no captainship, nothing. The opponent is incidental. It’s you and your target. I guess if I swim / run with target a target time in mind the mental make up should come close. Trekking would also be similar but not the same. Now rock climbing – yup that would be something. That is also such an internal sport I assume.
All three types of sports are important to help unravel a part of your personality, if you are paying attention and if you reflect. Putting yourself in a myriad variety of situations help you understand you subtexts and help you learn, change and reinforce. Sport has helped me learn a lot. Absorb a lot. I also suspect it has helped my refine my thoughts and helped me shape my personality. For better of for worse :) I wouldn’t want to give it up for anything else in the world.