wake up - your journey is calling you

In the hero’s journey, the hero is reluctant to do something new that is unfamiliar. There is a call to action whichteh Hero denies. then afters me consideration or an external force or event pulls him into the journey where he is ready for something new and exciting. He lets go of the old and the is ready to embrace the new. He is faced with numerous tasks or obstacles that he must over come in order to reach his goal. He meets people who help him as well as distract him. He carries on - till a point comes where he there is a trial by fire. he must be ready to die in order to faceted ultimate truth… the ultimate sacrifice is needed for the ultimate elixir. but then that is just half the story. the hero once achieved his goal is lost in the magical world. He then needs to come back and face the real life. He is assisted by others in his return and finally when he does return, he needs to spread the wisdom he learnt amongst others to give back to society and complete is journey as the hero. that is the Hero’s journey - the mono myth. 

This blog in many ways is about the various journeys that Jispa undertakes, in her quest to grow up and the journey we as parents take as a part of the same process. When i Started the blog one of the entries was Jispa getting to sleep by herself in the new home. To give her strength there were Ganapati’s stationed to help he along her journey and help her complete it. You can read the blog here… http://jaimit.blogspot.in/2006/11/heros-journey.html.

Then there are many blogs that celebrate her journey but this sleeping on her own is one recurring journey that refuses to end itself. She loves sleeping in the same room with us and she will do any ruse to achieve it. As she has grown up she has woken us many times in the night on some pretext or the other. In the middle she would try any trick to come and snuggle up and sleep beside me. But slowly these got lesser in frequency. But whenever thanks to the heat when we did get the AC running, we would get Jispa’s bed in and get her to sleep in the same room. It was good old middle class mentality of saving electricity, rather than having to switch both the air conditioners of the home. When ever this happens she like a tiger who has tasted blood will then try every ruse to stay sleeping in the room, even when there is no need of the AC. The last few days, she tried coming back to sleep inside our room again. She requested, she complains, she makes bunny eyes, whatever. We are heartless parents who are immune to the task.

A couple of days back she came in the middle of the night and woke me up by poking me in the back. What the hell… i got up and semi scolded her. That hurt, Jispa. She wasn't getting sleep. i shooed her away. go back and try and sleep. You stay in bed and you will get sleep. There was nothing I could do. the next evening also she came in before going to bed saying she wanted to sleep with us. Oh god Jispa, Go away. Shoooo….

So she went away and suddenly in the middle of the night when i turn around - lo and behold… Jispa is sleeping next to me. The bed we have is not a king size bed. It can take in three of us and Jispa is a 90% adult size person. This doesn't work. So i wake her up and tell her to go. She is now old enough to simply refuse. I am too tired to wake her up and insist so i get back to sleep again. But my sleep is now disturbed especially since i cant get much space to move around. So i wake up again in some time and this time insist that she goes back. She just flatly refuses and says that she will sleep in the corner and take less space but she is not going back. Oh dear. This she knows is an old weak spot of mine. I dont really like sending her away when she comes in the night. In the past as well, she would always wake me up when she knew i was likely to just simply tell her to get in the bed beside me. That was the time, she wouldn't go to mom but strategically come around and tell me.

Next day I asked Jasmine if she knew Jispa was sleeping with us. Jasmine said that she realised only in the morning when she woke up. But Jispa did come in the night to tell her she wasn't getting sleep and Jasmine promptly shooed her away. Then i asked Jispa if she tried waking me. She just tried a little and then promptly decided to simply sleep next to me. She did not remember refusing to go away.

There goes the journey and there goes the hero. This is the case of the hero just coming back and deciding to go through the same circle again and again. Kaun hero and kaun journey? She is obviously having a fun time.

monomyths. journeys, theories like these are amazing glamourised versions of what really happens. in real life the hero does not even having armour, forget it being shiny, its a scrappy fight in a mud pond with a pig and then once he comes out there is an ocean waiting fluff sharks and then on and on. Nothing really ends. There are innumerable fights and scraps to be involved in.  So many times you look back and see - the same story plays itself over and over again. Inspite of the thought that you have had that this is now done and dusted - never again you say; but life will keep serving the same dish back to you …

These theories are in a way inspirational. As Jispa once answered about the Pandora’s box. Hope is something that Jupiter purposely put along with suffering. Suffering is real and the ultimate answer to suffering is simply death. but hope keeps us alive and willing to undergo suffering over and over again. These stories are about hope and suffering. you undergo suffering knowing that there is hope, that you are simply in a hero’s journey. that you will face failure and face rehjection, dejection and defeat. But redemption is simply a corner away. It inspires you to do more with what you have and to achieve more in the hope of coming out from a cycle, alive and wise. The hope that you don’t have to go trough it again. 

bus yehi lahani hai… the wise people go through life, get lucky, get rich and sprout gyan. Then the lesser mortals just simply listen and hope that there is a way out of their own miserable lives, not knowing that the spouters of gyan are living in many ways live miserable lives themselves. But we want that misery, not ours. It is the misery of the haves and not of the have nots.

Hah! So thats the circle of life. I love the theory of the Hero. it is easily amongst my favourite theories. it makes sense and it gives inspiration and hope. It allows for a glorious struggle in all walks of lives. It tells you that whether you like it or not, whether you are willing or not, you live have a journey. Your everyday struggles are nothing but journeys in which you are the hero in which you have to go about the process of failing and rising again - till you come out of the cycle and spread the message to the others and help them in their journeys. it just so much meaning in what you do everyday. Including waking up your dad in the middle of the night by poking him in the back and giving him no place to sleep. Thats the most meaningful thing a kid could ever do to a dad who wakes up at 5am. Thats a journey of his herohood.

Choice to be reborn a hero

You are fundamentally the choices you make. Not so much as the choice itself but the act of choosing determines you.

When I first went to London around eight years or so ago, I entered the toy store Hamleys. I was mesmerized by the offerings, the toys and the whole host of sales guys playing around. It was a magical world. Of course later Hamleys entered India and I got to take Jispa there. She had grown up a lot since then and she was less fascinated by the toys and the experience. This time we went to Hamleys in London, just to see the original store.

Inside the store were guys doing magic tricks and the various different sales guys demonstrating the toys. It’s almost a pressure sale. They show you how easy and magical a thing is then almost give it to you. It’s impossible to say no. In one case, I let Jispa take it and then I chatted with her and explained that this is available in Mumbai and then she realized and put it away. It’s a difficult task to walk away from the demonstration without the product in your hand so I let her walk away with it and then in quiet the rational explanation starts. It just saves you and the more importantly the kid a lot of embarrassment. And it also teaches the kid one simple rule – just because its in your hand doesn’t mean you have to bill it :). You can always say no.

Then on one of the floors was the Harry Potter memorabilia section. There we saw the different wands of the different wizards. Harry’s wand and those of his friends. Of course the famous elder wand was also there. Plastic wands at around 40 pounds each. Wow that is expensive. Jispa felt attracted to it. She looked at me. I looked at her. She wanted one. She had a 5 pound a day budget to do what she pleases. This was easy. It was six days savings. Jispa was not a spendthrift in anyways so she was hardly spending her 5 pounds. I asked her if she was sure. She nodded. And then Jasmine and me said fair – go ahead buy your wand. She took fifteen minutes to choose her wand. She choose Harry’s wand I think. And she was happy with her choice. After a few minutes she comes back to us and tells us – no, she doesn’t want it. Huh? Jasmine and I told her to take it, no worries. We can surely afford it and we even promised that it was a gift from us. Her five pounds would remain intact. But Jispa said ‘no, I don’t really know what to do of it. I am not going to play with it in any case’. We tried to assure her but she was clear.

Now that’s a bit of character. A bit of growing up. I have referred in the past to the Hero’s journey. In our life we go through many deaths and rebirths. In our quest, in our journey of the Hero we overcome many odds and many temptations. We overcome it to emerge stronger and tougher. Jispa had one such moment. She probably saw the wand and was completely driven to own it. For a brief period she owned it and once that emotion wore off rational mind set it and she realized she was above it. She died to live again. A hero’s journey.

Londonw as special in many ways. Jispa, I realize is now an adult. She makes her choices and in the process drives us up the wall. It is easily the most difficult period Jasmine and I have faced so far. By far the most difficult. She exercises judgment but not all of it is smart. She chooses not to listen so many times. She tries to get away. In her process of growing up, we are dying a thousand deaths and are getting born again. For a fundamentally sweet kid she is now in the process of tearing away her cocoon and butterfly parents are just not being able to manage it. Probably teaching 60 kids every year and managing office colleagues, makes me possibly more … should I say  ‘philosophical’ than Jasmine. I get driven up the wall as much as Jasmine but I just bounce back faster. Jispa has been far more tougher on Jasmine then me. But then Jispa’s journey is as much of importance as is Jasmine. Both will die a thousand deaths and see the cycle of trials and temptations. They will be helped along the way by mentors and talismans. It is for them to die and be reborn to get the ultimate blessing. When they do transform themselves and come back to the real world to spread the awareness to others, will then reach mastery of their worlds. Possible the blog has helped me remain sane or stable. Possibly the fact that I teach to so many forces me to brood less over these issues. This transformation is accentuated but the death and rebirth are something for me too.

The more times in life the cycle turns the wiser you will get. And to be stronger t is important for you to share your stories. Here I am sharing mine with you. Have you shared yours with anyone?

Read more of the Hero’s journey here  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomyth

wake up Jis

How can any one sleep through this? Put this on full volume and see….. especially if the stuff is playing next to your ears.



Jispa did not move a bit. She did not even bother to cover her ears or move away from the source. After five minutes Jasmine had had enough and wanted to shut this, so I had to wake Jispa my self. Some experiments last for a few minutes, some for a few days. Sometimes duds are strewn in the oath of the Hero’s journey, as he hurtles towards her destiny, with a step there, a step back and some meandering about.

This youtube is a pretty cool thing. It is quite useful thanks to the millions of people who are using it to say / teach something. Jispa’s sports day is fast approaching and she is the fastest girl in her class. Since I never did sprint for a living, I barely know its technique and science. So I try googling and picked up some videos on youtube. It was pretty interesting. One of the most important things that I knew were there put dint know how to use them, was the lean and the use of the foot (ball of the foot versus the heel) while running. Yup. Sure enough. I now am able to make minor corrections in her running. I will never know enough to be able to correct her technique too much but for a seven year old, this is good enough. There some basics, if you get them, right it should work for you.

One thing that works in all sports is head position. No matter which sport you play your head cant be falling off. It always needs to be still and stable, with minimum movement. Once the head moves the balance and coordination is lost. Except in cricket I don’t see too many coaches talking about the benefits of a still head but without fail most spots I see the champions play with a rock solid still head with minimal movement. Even while running I was telling Jispa, in your effort to run faster ensure you don’t move your head from side to side.

coming of age

Jispa had a puss boil in her leg and like all puss boils, it got quite painful. Adding to the whole thing was the ayurvedic stuff we generally use. It’s a vicious black paste that brings the puss out. It makes the dam thing throb like crazy. It hurts like hell. Poor thing went all over the place on Tuesday night. She missed school on Wednesday thanks to the bad sleep and the mild fever. Slowly she came to terms with it. She really hated me for pushing the puss out of the boil. It is very painful. But on Friday night she decided that since she has to remove the puss and papa is not the right guy to do it, she will do it herself. Wow... that’s a big one. She actually squeezed the puss out from the boil herself with some egging on from us. She overcame her pain and the grossness. She squeezed out a lot of it… it was in many ways a coming of age, a step in the hero’s journey. If there was proof that our girl was growing up, had grown up… it was there for us to see. On a lark, I shot the thing on the handycam. It was a bit gross to do so but it will be a good coming of age video. Admittedly one cannot expect wholesome family entertainment in that video, hehehe…

An update on her elocution performance – we don’t know… the results are not announced at an individual level. Marks are given and aggregated at a house level with the house being declared winners. Politically correct I guess. But Jispa and I had a truckload of fun preparing for it.. Especially irritating Jasmine by reciting the poem again and again. it is fun reciting it with her.

hero again

I have written about the hero’s journey before…. I find it so fascinating. I see kids growing up, I see my office colleagues growing up, I see my kid growing up and I see myself growing up. They were just a blur of growth till I understood (in a little way) the journey of the hero. Instead of a blur it seems to be a series of steps leading up the path. Each step small or big shapes up and moulds us. Many of these steps are in the form of success and failures and many more are just break outs of independence or dependence (marrying for one). I have learnt to love to watch these steps in my life. It seems so lovely to see these steps leading to somewhere. The milestones getting planted in the psyche of journey. If viewed as such they seem so much fun. They give to me at least a lovely philosophical angle that makes me smile, that makes me resilient, that makes me believe in myself as a hero. The hero of the journey that I have to complete. It is so like the fantastical tale where the hero overcomes many odds to win the princess. Which reminds me of the story I once wrote for the college magazine. The story was a very simple fantasy tale with witches and dungeons thrown in. nothing separated the story form the Hans Christian Anderson tales Except for the ending. Here the hero in his last swish of the sword is about to slay the evil witch and chooses to forgive. I forget what really happens but in his act of forgiveness he resurrects someone something….. the editor of the magazine in all his wisdom edits the story and kills the witch and publishes it. What a cracko… I still feel so shitty about this. Why do we impose our own ideas and paradigms on the world. Why the fuck do we not let people be. We should just let people explore and form their own paradigms. Recast your own rules. Change is about making it happen. If it requires you to graft in and dig hard… so be it. But make it happen. Take your time, graft harder but make it happen. Bhen kiii… after all it’s your journey and your choice. Aaagggghhhhhhh…. What the hell… if you choose not to change the world, and flow with tide…. That’s also ok re… sab chalta hai life mein… itna bhi complex nahin na hai. Just get a rule that simplifies the entire life as you see it. the journey story works well for me. It simplifies the entire growing up and taking shit and happiness bit. That’s a large part of my life. Ma ki aa… itna variables hai ki at least the rule must be simple to see all in one lens.

the hero's journey

Shifting into a new house is quite a journey. Especially when it’s your first home that you have made all by yourself. A very interesting thing happened. Jispa for the first time was to sleep all by herself in a separate room. I thought it’s a big thing for her since she’s only around four and a half. She seemed quite enthused. I gave a long set of instructions, where is the bathroom, where we kept her water, where to find us (one room away!), which light will remain on, and all. I think it was a small step in her hero’s journey. She also had her very own terracotta army (see picture of her ten Ganesha’s) to help her along the journey. But I realized something very important. The step was as much her step on her journey as it was mine on my journey. It was a step towards me letting her on her own. A cutting of a symbolic fraternal umbilical cord of sorts. And the cord was mine to let go, not hers! I slept bad, constantly thinking about how she would cope. I checked a few times if she was likely to fall off. I think she too was a bit taken in by her first brush. She woke me thrice – one for water getting over, one for getting hungry (luckily there was an apple) and once for mosquito biting. She normally does not wake up like this. At night (or early morning, I don’t know) while I was feeding her the apple she told me that she went to pee by herself as well and the subtle idea being that she did not wake me up for that. Hmmmmm, as Joseph Campbell said you have to lose your one state (die) and resurrect into another to complete one leg of the hero’s journey. Today, I think she died an infant and has been resurrected a child. I died one stage of fatherhood and have been resurrected another. The journey continues…