a sporty mind

Two months of being away from the swimming pool can really deteriorate your swimming ability. I restarted swimming – twice a week, when I have to leave Jispa for taekwondo class. From the 12-16 laps that I could do, I have come down to 3-4. Of course my technique needs improving and I also realized, my mind plays a very large role in my sporting endeavors.
While playing squash, I seemed to have hit a wall, as far as improvements go. Something is not happening right. Instead of length balls, I keep hitting the side walls. Something is wrong. I was talking to the coach and I realized that I am not preparing myself mentally before a game. I need to think through the game, run through the shots in my head, keep playing the shots mentally and in the right way. That helps me a lot. Of course that’s not the only thing. My technique itself is also suspect. So the coach showed me some practice moves that I need to do to ensure my racquet is at the right angle. It needs to be open rather than closed while playing. Hit up hit up. I hope to keep practicing this when I am early in the morning. I am also quite pleased with the way the coach is taking interest in my progress. He is a quite sort of guy who does not really coach unless you keep at it. He rather be a quiet spectator. I guess he has learnt it right. All sorts of people come to the club. A lot of them are know it alls. He is always open and there if you want to speak to him, but he keeps to himself and only gives out coaching instructions when prodded. I accidently figured it out. Now I play squash not only purely for fitness, but I also want to improve the game. Keep thinking, keep playing, and keep at it. It gives me great pleasure to play it with a purpose. I don’t ever count the score; that I leave to the other guy. Good for him to keep him mentally occupied. I am going to play every ball the same irrespective of the score, then why bother counting the score. Thanks to this attitude I chase every ball, and my first rule is keep the ball in play, so I have had some amazing rallies with another player at the club, who is far better than me, but just my ability to reach and keep the ball in play constantly, can result in some really long and amazing rallies, which are delight to play and a delight to watch. When you are barely reaching the ball, just keeping it in play requires a tremendous amount of effort and sheer will power. Keep reaching and keep avoiding an unforced error. That’s the key. But that does mean anything besides the fact that I get a good stretch. I need to keep playing right, get technique right.
Coming back to swimming, I am also working there on technique. I have to think through before I get into the pool. What am I going to do, how will my hands move, how will they enter the water, how will they pull it back. I think of my swimming coach and assume he is there giving instructions. The last time I just got into the water without thinking about anything and I made a complete hash out of it. I have to keep thinking. today, much thought went into the swim and I was far better at it. think think think. How the hell does it work?
It’s like the mind thinks of the various things it wants to do and the muscle just seems to follow. You don’t think and you are gone, because the muscle then does what it just wants to and completely messes things up. The hands go anywhere and the legs dance about. The mind alone can control it. Thinking about technique and being aware of your body while playing a sport is like moving into a trance like meditative state. It is lesser in the case of cricket and squash. You are trying to react to the situation and in cricket, you are constantly aware of the score. But I just love swimming as you are up against yourself. There is no score, no one to beat, nothing to attack. There is you and then there is your technique. While swimming I can think of nothing else. Where is my arm, where is my head, what are my legs doing? If meditation is keeping all thoughts away, then this is as close as it gets. I am only self aware. Only thinking about myself, my body. It is impossible to think of anything else. I also don’t want to go faster. I only want to go longer. To go longer I have to go slower and in correct rhythm. I try and feel the rhythm. If the rhythm is right the effort is minimal. I must get to 20 laps, without even panting. That is my goal for now.
This is my get away plan these days. I have decided to focus a lot of my energies on my work and on my personal life. I have changed a lot of my thinking. Now one year has passed in this organization. I have given the organization a direction that is potentially game changing. The organization would need to work on it. I need to work on it. More than anything, I realize that my team needs to now move a few notches higher. It is fine to give a strategy but it is even more amazing to implement it. I have one year of implementation ahead of me. Dogged head down, implementation. I know the firm does not right now have the money to really reward me. That is in many ways a good thing. I will do whatever I am doing because I want to do it, because I want to do it for the team and take them forward. I want to do it. I realize that it is my cross to carry. In the course of which, people will leave me, people will hate me, people will not be grateful, or even be annoyed by it. But I still need to do it. Do it for them, as I believe it is right. Do it for myself, as I believe it’s right. It is a tough burden to carry.
When you carry such burdens you realize, that no matter how good the support you have at home or at office, you are essentially on your own. That puts different pressure on you. Over the years I have learnt to not take too much pressure home with you. My bosses have also been kind enough to let me be thus. But I strongly suspect that the swimming and the squash and of course my beloved cricket has helped. If nothing else, I am completely ignorant of anything around me when I am pursuing these activities. I think it teaches a certain degree of equanimity, a certain calm and a certain meditative, reflective stance.
Whatever… I am living my childhood dream to be amongst sports. I think I am changing as a person. I think I might be getting a little better. I hope I am. Hopefully a more focused calm and controlled person. Just a little bit. I keep slipping back. But I must be better controlled. Sport is a great teacher and a greater metaphor. Let me keep at it. So help me all.

lead by not

Brrrr. The water is cold and it’s given me a brain freeze. I have no clue why I like to torture myself. I restarted swimming after a longish break. I thought I missed the cold winter by bunking swimming in December. Jispa’s vacations are a great excuse to sleep late, wake up late and bunk swimming. But by the time its over I am itching to get back into routine. One breakfast before going and one after swimming, in office. The more I eat the leaner I get. It’s quite a weird thing. Swimming barely ten minutes in the morning has amazing health benefits. Restarting today after a long time was tough but when you get in the pool you have no option but to continue swimming. It will take me a week or so to get back to rhythm. While I swim I sorely miss not having learnt any sport professionally. None.
Its one thing that we keep giving Jispa. A chance to learn as much as possible, professionally. It different from giving a chance to play. A lot of kids get a lot of chances to play a lot of sports, but I have learnt the huge benefits of learning properly. Techniques must be honed from start. Her swimming is infinitely better than mine and she beats the shot out of me already. We had started her badminton till the time came where it clashed with her swimming and she had to stop it. She learns guitar as well. And her school teaches her taekwondo. After all that she still wishes to learn more. Squash in the gymkhana has a long wait list, so we just entered her name for the training a year or so ago. Last week, she got a call for the Saturday Sunday class that was newly set up for beginners. Great. Jasmine asked me about it with a clear disclaimer that I was responsible for this one. She was not going to be the one ferrying Jispa on Saturday or Sunday. I was ok. I probably would use the chance to catch up on TV or possibly jog a bit on the tread mill. I am it. Its an odd 2 o clock time, but we’ll figure. Its not like we are going to be super regular on weekends. Also we figure if she picks it decent enough, squash is a game I could play with her afterwards as well. So there, one more class that’s started.
Sometimes we wonder what on earth is going one. Aren’t these too many classes? Too much for a little thing? I don’t know really. Jasmine’s thinking is simple; while she is still in the second grade and she has time, go for it... afterwards, there would be far too many pressures on her thanks to school and studies to really have multiple interests. For me, I don’t know. I have a simple metric. Is she enjoying it? Does she want o do it or does she complain about it. We don’t push her into being a super woman. We keep asking her and she keeps saying yes. Till that is happening all seems well. and it’s just a bit of sport. She is not competing professionally in these. Also the big thing that other people don’t realise is that, Jispa doesn’t have a TV. That’s the big one. Also her dad and mom don’t have a TV as well. So all that time that a family spends watching TV is being spent playing. And instead of playing outside, she is learning sports. What’s wrong with that?
Yesterday while she was at squash, I put on my trained blank look. I don’t smile at her or laugh at her antics or teach her anything while she is at the court. Sometimes when she does something she looks at us. Jasmine was smiling. I told Jasmine not to smile back. Just be blank. Sport is played inside the mind, internal. You have to have your game from inside and not play it for anyone else. Just focus on the ball and your technique. While the coach was teaching her to swing the racquet, I broke the cardinal rule. Jispa looked at me and I motioned her to correct her technique. She swung and looked back again. I became more animated in my swinging. Jasmine immediately asked me what I was doing. I mumbled some excuse, scientific sounding. But then immediately I saw he distracted. I apologised. That was wrong. Just shut up. Trust the coach. He knows what he is doing. Jispa knows what the coach is telling. It’s between her and the coach. The coach is far better than me and understands how to teach kids.
I am not even trained in squash, nor am I an expert in coaching. I only know Jispa from birth but it gives me no expertise in teaching her squash. So that’s’ a valuable lesson for me. Shut up and watch.
I think when put in a position of power we love to influence it. Even if we are not equipped to. Suddenly we start talking, correcting, coaching, motivating and the worst of all... leading. This is a malaise I have and I have to deal with it. I have tried many times to control it. I have many times now succeeded but I have far too many times, failed. Miserably. In cricket I try and not lead. I try and not coach. In office also I try to give way. But you know the flip of it. So many people want people in power to lead. They want you to motivate them. Give them direction. They want you to show them LIGHT. It’s funny. I have faced more resistance to not leading than to leading, or even equal, but never less. Is it because we are as a nation a bit still immature. We still have the highest deference to authority, we are always subjugated. From school itself, do our teachers brow beat us into ‘I told you so’. Or we as leaders have inculcated it. We cut off the heads of those that stand, make life difficult for them. There is a value to toeing one line, but before we all decide to toe it, do we think enough for ourselves. Do we add value to the conversation. Do we actively listen when someone lower in rank dissents? These are questions I ask of myself as much I ask of others. It has been tough for me. But somewhere I need to keep in mind that I must lead by actively ‘NOT LEADING’. That’s the best way, the only way. Power must not be misused is understood, what is less understood, is that power must not be used at all. That is true power. You merely feel the influence of it. Deep nah?

culture vulture

A squash racquet. A ha…swish it round like the Excalibur! Nice and light. 120 titanium nano from Head. Feels good to buy expensive sports gear. At three and a half k, it’s probably the most expensive gear I have bought. And wonder of wonder it improved my game a lot. Especially the weaker back hand. Nice… good fun.
There is only one squash court at the gymkhana resulting in a bit of waiting every time. Also thanks to this and the coach, the court has a great play ethic. You have to play in line and with whoever is next. This would mean that even beginners play with pros. Sure, an absolute beginner is normally taught to by the coach but soon enough he starts playing on his own. The pros too recognize this and play a low enough level to ensure a game for the rookie. Sometimes the pros get compensated by getting an extra game with someone of his caliber. If you want to play only the pros then you better wait long enough, thus snubbing out all such intent. But largely the ethic remains strong and inclusive, thus allowing for a positive atmosphere. Typically otherwise closed cults are formed and people get anal retentive, close ranks refusing to let outsiders play, creating a hold on resources. I have heard of the badminton guys doing this in the morning. This same stuff used to happen even in galli cricket games. Some teams always wanted to get in new players and used to ask new kids on the block to join them, while the others simply refused to allow others a way in. I have learnt to be inclusive. Culture is a squeeze. Be it in gymkhanas, sports teams, clubs, families or corporates. Strong cultures create pressures that those who conform to, love and those who don’t are ejected. You either fit in and mould yourself to it or, phachak… you get ejected a la soap in a shower. I guess it’s the reason for stickiness and turn over. Understanding a culture is important but creating a powerful culture is also important. Within a set culture you can form your own subset. You have to take pains to create it, eject malignant spoilers and constantly watch it. It is important for the culture to be protected. You create the culture and the culture will take care of the people in the network. If you don’t keep a tight tab on it, it will come to bite you in the bum. I will never allow for infighting and will not tolerate name calling / back biting within the team. It’s a reason why the team can remain apolitical and perform under stress. Honesty in dealings and removal of all pettiness is so dam important as well. This is something that works across all groups. Just because the overall environment might be vile does not allow you the liberty o create a virulent atmosphere yourself amongst your team. Don’t spread the virus, stop it right away.

play the game

The reason I probably played cricket for my office was because I could clear the field to any ball being pitched up to me. The main reason I continue it is because it gives me an amazing insight into team dynamics and situations. It is an amazing game that lends itself to strategy over a longer period of time. I miss that when I play squash. That is a different game. It is an individual skill game pitted against your opponent, with tons of sleight thrown in. And I would assume a game like golf will be at the opposite end of the spectrum. These vary in their need to react with the environment. In cricket you keep yourself open at all points to the environment. The situation of the team, the bowlers you play, the condition of the ground everything while focusing on your own game. It is quite a flip flop when you take in the big picture, make mental notes and immediately almost blank out and focus on next ball and play appropriately. Your metal note shelp you play appropriately. A big shot or a dour defensive. Squash means playing in your zone while keeping track of opponent’s movement and probable shot play. You constantly try to refine your game and make the opponent play to his weakness or take advantage of his position on court. Drop shot, wall shot, low winner, lob… it is a play between what you can play and what will make life difficult for the opponent. Golf is between you, the ball and the course.
Different games do different things. I am glad I played cricket for what it’s worth, I am glad I play squash. No golf yet but might to pick on similar sports like shooting or something that would help me play ‘inside my self’ more than anything else. That should be fun. No leadership, no captainship, nothing. The opponent is incidental. It’s you and your target. I guess if I swim / run with target a target time in mind the mental make up should come close. Trekking would also be similar but not the same. Now rock climbing – yup that would be something. That is also such an internal sport I assume.
All three types of sports are important to help unravel a part of your personality, if you are paying attention and if you reflect. Putting yourself in a myriad variety of situations help you understand you subtexts and help you learn, change and reinforce. Sport has helped me learn a lot. Absorb a lot. I also suspect it has helped my refine my thoughts and helped me shape my personality. For better of for worse :) I wouldn’t want to give it up for anything else in the world.

healthy mind healthy body (what fart nah!)

I would like to put a premium of fitness. Waking up at 5.55 am getting to work, finishing it, getting to the club by 8 for a game of squash and then reaching home by 9.30 pm to dinner and bad, is not easy. Sometimes one wants to just let it be and relax, reach home early read a bit doze off. But I want to push the body. It must remain fit if it has to last. I hate putting on weight. I like to be lean at all times. Right now I am quite at ease at what I weigh. At 68 I am nearly ten kilos more than what I was at college. I was pretty skinny then and reaching the other end of the spectrum is not my goal. I tell Jasmine many times that if I ever get fat, shoot me. The key to staying there is eating right and exercising right. Squash is bloody tiring. Especially with a player who is purposely hitting you shots that you can reach. The rallies can go on forever. I hate unforced errors and if neither is going for the kill then the physical drain is way too much. I can’t play the game everyday. One day game must be followed by another day of rest. It’s way too much physically demanding. And then we try swim on weekends. The most exciting new exercise for me is holding the board outstretched in my hands and using only leg power to propel. It’s more difficult than I thought and it’s awesome exercise for my knees. It has considerably strengthened them. They pain much less after squash these days, almost negligible.
Jispa has been learning Hindi and she has been using every opportunity to polish her skills. Here is the milk booth near the bus stop which she uses as her reading board every morning. For the record her most boring subject for now is math followed by any subject that has to have her do some writing. With these preferences, she is at present quite the antipode of what I was. I hated Hindi and could do math for hours...

let me see if I learnt something from myself

I have been playing squash for around a year now and have hardly ever played doubles. Must have been around a couple of times. But I guess you can get the hang of the game pretty quick. Yesterday we were around four of us and we started to play. I was the minnow and one of the four was the reigning club squash champion. So I get partnered with him. The guy is so good that I figure all I have to do is to somehow return the ball when it’s in my territory. He will manage the rest. For some reason I focused so hard that I thought I hit some shots that I could never have hit ever. I had a large percentage of shots in. I think it’s just that I could not let the partner down. How can the reigning champion lose? I noticed what he was trying to play. He was playing front and he tried playing everything because I was weak. But that made him come too far back and he lost a couple of easy points. I think he would played better if he stuck to core game. Sure he would need to compensate a lot but if he trusted his partner a little more then he would got a lot more points. The match was more even teams with each team having a relative minnow like me. This time he was against us and I saw him do the same mistake. You lose your core, you lose. Period. It better to trust your partner and lose than to run all around trying to win it by yourself. Sure its supreme self confidence but, you will have to learn to trust your partner a bit more. Lose a bit but you definitely move up as a team. Steve Waugh used to do it while batting. He never shielded the tail from the bowling attack. If it’s a single to be run on the first ball so be it. Trust your men to grow up to the challenge and face the music. Immediately when I played the singles afterwards, the shots didn’t go as well, my percentage was bad etc. I rarely play squash to win. I really don’t care about the scoreline but in doubles I just cant bear to let the partner down. Just not acceptable. Let me see if I learned something from my self.

I suddenly realized that there was one thing that I have not done as a father in his rightful rite of passage. Every father is supposed to teach their kid cycling. Jispa wanted to learn. I kept putting it off but then I realized what I was doing. I took her out and taught her a bit. Two sessions and she was doing good. Life is better for the dad with training wheels but it was nice. I got to basically balance for a few seconds on two wheels before she gets back on the training wheel. But its good progress. I told Jasmine that she now will figure it on her own. Take her down during the school days and I will take her down during the holidays and we are done. My god, if she learnt cycling without me teaching her, I would have lost so much. It’s a good thing I realized in time.

Its the love of the game

It’s getting a little difficult to get inspiration to update the blog. I really don’t want to write crap though arguably my entire blog could one big pile of junk. I just picked up ‘the motorcycle diaries’ written by Che Guevara before he was CHE Guevara. His achievements in his life post the motorcycle diaries make the motorcycle diaries what it is today. I have no such delusions about my blog but I still like to think of it a little like that. A little romanticism never hurt anybody.
I try and play Squash regularly and realize what age does to instincts. It’s quite tough to play that hard and fast. Playing the coach is sure fun. He does play a power game and tries to ensure that the game is good fun for both. I am sure he can finish the game in 20 seconds. But three games with him last half an hour at the minimum. The third game is sheer murder for me. He does play a single power shot but just keeps the ball in play and places it across the court. Woa! Its complete murder running cross court.
Yesterday he was not in and I tried playing and practicing on my own for some time till two gentlemen came in. One fat guy and the other an old man. I find it extremely annoying to see in that matunga gym has very few patrons who actually smile. I mean the guys there are playing sports for god sake. Smile, acknowledge the people, the competitor, have fun. I think they see any one as one more guy trying to use up the limited resources. It’s such a fucking pain. But hell, I think that’s the psychographic profile of the guys who go to gymkhanas. I have become big, I am a rich and I have a club membership. This Sunday there is the inter department cricket tournament and I am playing cricket for the squash team. Lets see how people compete and how they make friends.
But coming back to the point, the fat man and the other man wait outside. I call them in for the game. They obviously want to play only with each other, but since I am in they have to play two matches with me before they shoo me off. They cant move for shit, but hit the ball very hard and very fast. Only fore hand no back hand. The serves are so fast I can’t see them. I now realize that I have a long way to go. A really looooong way to go before I see the ball. The coach has been feeding me soft balls. Hehehehehhehe. He is just giving me a workout I guess. But I am much better than I was before and I am definitely going to get there. God and knee willing! Amen.

zen in squash and conversation

Well the first day of squash was fun. I love the way different games have wildly different techniques. I kept slicing the racket on top of the ball and ball kept hitting low. It was fun. I think after my first bits of knocking the ball around, I got a sense of how the ball moves. It was also a little funny trying not to be too wristy which is a fantastic thing in cricket and I love using it there. Backhand was even tougher. I can’t believe I missed the ball completely at times. Just an air swing. Oh god that was bad. Was someone watching? Well there was a pro sitting behind me. I just looked and smiled at him and he smiled back. Then I realized that one has to time the ball. I remembered my cricket and also the one time I learnt golf. Its timing the ball. So I just waited as the ball bounced and that split second where I could see it stationery and thapack…. Now that’s nice. Good shot. At least it went forward. Now as I write I remember the amazing book (May all time favorite), Zen in the art of Archery. I remember portions of it and it has helped me in cricket. I was applying similar principals yesterday as well without realizing. Hmm interesting how it has become a part of my consciousness. Now to reread the same after a bit of practice. But I just love that book. It is absolutely amazing.

Another thing I realized yesterday. I was meeting an old friend of mine. She used to work for me long time back but now she is working elsewhere. She has a very high EQ and is a sharp chick (now lady). We talk les often but when we do, it rarely small talk. Its about life, about other stuff. I realized one thing is that I am supremely bored by small talk. Ya, I seem to be having fun at parties cracking really stupid PJ’s but I hate getting into small, random talk which leads nowhere. I hate getting drawn into those conversations. Man now I know why I hate parties, marriages and the types. They are soo bloody boring. I hate it. If we must talk it should either be complete fun or oscillate to the other side. These in betweens are so fucking boring.

Eeeps. I have to control abuse in office. I don’t like it. Will try to get it off my vocab. Am trying!

Random:- picture of breakfast at my hotel in Geneva. Full style! Muesli, berries and bread with 'designer butter'

all fun zone - sports, pets and books

Sometimes I wonder how my blogs have lost a bit of their ‘zing’. Work pressure is so much at times. I had promised that I would start some activity. Well I started. I bought squash court shoes. Hope to start playing today evening. I kinda look forward to the game. This was something I wanted to do since childhood. Good exciting stuff. Hope my knee holds on and does not give way. I will be soo devastated not to play. I have spoken to the coach and he has asked to me to come in the evening, when there is some free time on the court. I have always believed that one has to play some game or the other. One can always learn from multiple games. Learning a game is important and learning it well is even more so. I hope the coach is a decent good guy who might be able to correct techniques before they get bad, unlike my cricket, which I think is impossible to really correct. This also reminds me that I must try and see if there are cricket nets in the morning on Saturday / Sundays. That should be good fun as well. What can a coach do to a 32 year old trying to learn to play better? Lets see. I am on a fitness spree… atleats thought wise. The actions should follow through boss.


My brother and his wife adopted a pup – Angel. She is dam sweet. I spent all evening playing with her yesterday. She is so amazing, so full of play. She is like a new kid in the family. My brother is acting like a dad. It’s fun to look at him. I am waiting for Angel to grow up and take her running in the park. As for yesterday, I think she played so much with me that she fell asleep while we were there it self. Thak gayi bechari khel khel ke. Pets are fun, especially if they are someone else’s. Just like kids!

For the record the book ‘understanding comics’ is easily amongst the top 10 books in my collection. Scott – you are good. Thank you. I am supremely enriched.
Now onto more such ‘serious’ comics. I am reading The Persepolis 1 and 2 by Marjane Satrapi. This kinda completes the triology. The first was the eight part series Buddha by Osamu Tezuka, the second was the two part Maus by Art Spiegleman. Understanding Comics then becomes a prequel kind of book to this trilogy consisting of 12 books.