open your mind - there is a fuit inside

The last weekend was spent at one of the best conferences I have ever attended. It was called designyatra and as the name suggests it was a design conference. They had speakers from all over the world explaining their work and their belief. Crazy creative stuff to innovations for rural India. Here is one image of a guy who decided to invent an electricity free fridge. He made it out of clay. Basically an earthen ware fridge where you put the water on the top and then thanks to the porosity quality of the clay the water seems around the entire fridge and then evaporating causing the fridge to cool down by at least (he claims) ten degrees. Not bad for storing food stuff/ fruits etc.

 

We had speakers who went on and on about fonts and types and explained the nuances of each. What a beautiful feeling. The guy explained how he designed the look for the Kate Moss logo which wis essentially just the name written in the right font. Then he explained how he designed the numbers on the back of the Puma jerseys for the African nations in the football World cup. Then we had characters who designed sanitary napkins at really low costs for women in rural India, creative head from Google, some more font guys, creative, designers  etc etc. It was a mind boggling array of speakers.

One wise HR head once told me – I don’t mind sending you guys for any training program. Just being away from office for a couple of days and meeting people of different companies would open your mind. And if the training is actually good then it is an added benefit. He is right. Hence I have never ever said no to a training program. I would love every training program that comes my way. Be it a conference or a classroom session. Go out and open your mind to possibilities. That is the key thing. You meet people you learn stuff, you interact with ideas and you possibly implement a few – who knows what works. It’s always nice to be exposed to various different things. You are only better from the experience.

One of the things I was exposed to this tie around at the conference was – Goan cuisine. Non-vegetarian Goan cuisine. I went there with four colleagues who were hard core non vegetarians. Every meal was like a dead aquarium on the table – Bombay duck, shrimp, prawns etc. add to that there was other sorts of meat on the table. It’s a good thing that over the years I have learnt not be queasy about this. In fact I get curious about it. I ask questions about the meat, how they eat, what are they eating – the tastes, differences etc. over a period of time I have gained enough knowledge about it. In fact a few friends many times wonder about the knowledge I have on the meats they eat. It’s a curious mind that opens it all. I don’t know why people get all touchy about the subject. A lot of my cousins (the older ones) would not want to eat in a non- veg restaurant and would die rather than step inside a KFC. I have been to KFC to eat veg stuff. It’s a little bit ugly for a vegetarian to see people biting into wings and legs but if you don’t go in you will never ever know.

So to compensate for my restricted palate I have developed a strong curiosity for all things vegetarian. I now on my travels always ask for the local veg special and try it out. Anything goes as long as its veg. this time around also I tried all sorts of veg stuff. Its helped me get introduced to new fruits as well. From my travels to Singapore I have been introduced to this lovely fruit – the dragon fruit. It’s an awesome fruit from the cactus family. Its mildly sweet and mostly bland, but really flashy and juicy. There is no real cutting required. You just peel the skin off easily and cut it if you wish or slice it into two with a knife and eat of the contents with a spoon. The seeds are tiny and scattered through the fruit and there is no spitting or removing the seeds before eating. I love the fruit.

We hardly got in India. Recently over the last couple of years we have been getting it at the super markets at reasonable prices. It’s currently at around 25 bucks a piece. Jispa also absolutely loves the fruit. Jasmine took it for her to eat after swimming. Many mothers had never ever seen the fruit, let alone taste it. They were pretty curious. One of them was asking Jasmine if this fruit any special properties, thinking that it was a special thing for Jispa’s diet. I did look it up later to realize that it is being touted as the next great big thing to eat, nutrition wise.

Here is Jispa reaching out for one piece. as you see i get great pleasure form cutting it into thin slices. its even better that way though you dont really need it like that. It is quite easily our favorite fruit. All from having just a little more curious mind than normal. Go out and open your mind – now.

daddy cool, birthday in pool

Jispa celebrated her tenth birthday on the 31^st of the month. Tenth birthday. It should be a big event. When Jispa was a year old, Jasmine and I took a call not to celebrate her birthday. She would be too young to really enjoy it. We see all the parents celebrating the first birthday with a big party. The kid is typically tired at the end of it all and what do you really expect a one year old to feel about it. Besides getting red check by being manhandled, there is nothing really for the child. So we just decided to give it the skip. After that we have had smallish parties for Jispa on her birthdays. A few core friends, sometimes a few more than that, but never done it on a large grand scale.

What’s a large grand scale? Well. The other parties that Jispa gets invited to are a good benchmark. Ever since she started going to school, she has been invited to big parties. Typically done at a function hall or an open garden. You call at least 50 odd kids, then the parents come with them, and then you have catering for a 100 guests, then you call in the party organizers who come in and decorate the place, and have various stalls, like face painters, tattoo (paint) artists, games etc. then you have a DJ for the music, a sound system, possibly an air castle, then a guy who will make the kids play various games, prizes and the last – return gifts. You could end up spending anywhere between 100,000 rupees to 300,000 rupees. That’s a pretty tidy sum for a birthday party.

Jasmine and I never did feel like doing that. What we told Jispa is that – you call in your core friends and we could take them for lunch or dinner, possibly play a few games etc … but we also made a pact with her. her tenth birthday party would be however she likes it to be. As big as she wants it to be. So a month back, we asked her what kind of party she liked. The thing is that after the initial couple of years of parties, the kids are now basically bored of any party. They go in, run around and then just hang around on their own. They don’t want to play games too much, they eat a bit, throw a little cake around and done. Jispa also gets bored at these parties. A classic case of over exposure or over stimulation. They are bored stiff and Jispa said she doesn’t want a party. Aww. Ok. But Jasmine and I were not happy. Jispa has been the sweetest kid ever. She never complained about not having a party, or about having a small party or calling only a selected friend circle. Two years back we took her friends and gang to a garden and made them play, last year they were at home…  but she never complained and she was always happy. So Jasmine and I really wanted her tenth birthday to be nice.

So how do we make it special?  Jispa clearly did want a big party so that was out of the question. We asked her if she would have a party at the gymkhana where she trains. Ok, but she wanted a pool party. Hanging around the pool with kids. Fine, but then I will get the kids and make them play games – is that ok? I insisted on making the kids play games. Jispa was game for that as well. So the plan was set, pool party with daddy as the games guy with lunch at the gymkhana. The majority of her invites were her pool buddies with a few school friends who could swim also joining the gang. Another close friend of Jispa’s who birthday was around, joined in to have a combined party thrown.

So last Saturday we invited them all and we had 24 odd kids in the pool splashing around. I take great pride in not requiring a games guy. Why the hell do you need a games guy. What am I there for?  I think only boring old lazy fellas need to hire a games organizer. I can do whatever he can do and have more fun. So what do you play in the pool. The coin game is start point. You throw a coin and retrieve it. That’s a start. So let’s start building on it. So Jasmine got coins of different denominations and we started playing. First put them into three teams then get two parent volunteers and start the game. First one is retrieving one coin that’s in, then a specific coin of the two denominations that are in, then three different coins, then a combination, thena  total, and then all… the volunteers kept throwing different coins at different intervals. Played in the shallow end, the result was one hour of complete entertainment.

They came out for cake cutting and lunch and the party ended with the kids having a blast. The mothers who were around acted like captains of the teams and they too had a blast. And the net cost – negligible. Less than the cost of sending invites to a fancy party. Possibly less than the cost of designing an invite to a fancy party. And this got even the over stimulated kids excited and roaring for more. And physically fun as well.

Uncle Jaimit never felt this good. At the end it was a high five for Jasmine and me. This is the typical partnership we work with. I dream up stuff and Jasmine helps bring structure and helps me execute. I control the game and Jasmine works quietly in the back end. Keeping all the other things ready and in control. It’s been like that since college days. And Jispa got a party she deserved. Awesome fun.

Here is the pic of me with the kids. I love this one. Just look at me. I am beaming. I was so happy that day and for a few days following.

 

They are all the same

Jispa’s school is supposed to be amongst the best in Mumbai. It has a good teacher to student ratio – 30 kids in a class. It supposedly has the best teaching staff, better paid, motivated and hand-picked. They have systems in place to make things run efficiently and it is definitely amongst the most sought after school in Mumbai. When I tell others that my child goes here – they invariably ask me… how did you get in? Well lucky day I guess. I answer that I should have bought a huge lottery ticket that day instead.

Well… it is a nice school. Decent, well run. The services work to a clock. The teachers are responsive and most of all, Jispa loves going to school. And I guess it’s better than the option I had. With 60 kids in a class… but the honeymoon is slowly getting over as Jispa grows up.

Now as she grows older the class work is getting tougher and the work that we as parents need to so is slowly increasing. On Wednesday we had a national holiday and I spent the better part of it teaching Jispa Hindi. I am not that great at it but simple take up should be good. We started with the opposites. I asked a few and she replied correctly. Then a few that she did not know and then… suddenly I asked her – do you know the meanings of the words you are giving answers to. “no” came the reply. NO? “what shit. You know the answers but you do not know the meaning? Didn’t your teacher teach you this?” “she just said all the meanings fast fast and made us write the words”. What non sense is that? That can be given as a typed give away. You don’t go to school to getting writing practice. She doesn’t even break the Hindi words to explain the origin of the word and its understanding. So I sent the next hour just explaining the meaning of the words to Jispa. If you know the meaning of the words then you know the opposites. You shouldn’t just learn by rote the opposites without understanding the meaning. SO I just kept asking her the English words and she had to give the Hindi translations.

She wasn’t too pleased to start with. But I am slightly better than Jasmine at this with Jispa. I keep throwing in nonsense and keep laughing at some silly ones. Also unlike mom I am not the expert who understands it all. Some words – I told her, I haven’t a clue what it meant. We would just wait till mom to come home. So I guess I am a more real tutor than others. In effect I am more like her. So I explain like her, I learn like her. And I keep egging on till it’s pushed inside the brain. Jispa realizes that and she realizes that it is a bit more fun as well as that I end up tricking her into studying more all the time. We did Hindi for around two hours before Jasmine came home and it was time for dinner.

But hell. No wonder kids go to tuitions. How do you know the meanings? And even in tuitions you are not taught meanings. After this I was talking to Jasmine. “wow. This all crap. It took me two hours to get this with Jispa and I am sure I will need further sessions with her. I think I will have no option now but to get her to sit with me and learn stuff on holidays.” Jispa has no time during the week. Suddenly for me fatherhood has a new meaning.  Till now it was just all the fun stuff, taking care and all that. I would teach stuff but not school subjects. Now I guess even Hindi is not too far from my responsibility. What shit man. I hate this stuff. But I guess someone has to do it and Jasmine’s got enough on her plate. I have to pull more weight,  and make Jispa study the boring stuff. At least I may be , just may be – ‘funner’.

so how does it happen?

Yesterday at home Jispa happily showed me her brand new geometry compass box. In Jispa’s school, the fees cover these basic things. I guess they do that so that all the kids have uniform tools. This helps eliminate kids who could possibly be tempted to get Ferrari geometry boxes (wouldn’t that be a cool product). While she showed me the same, I recollected that as a kid I rarely ever got a brand new geometry compass box. Being the third in line I would invariably get hand-me-downs. So I picked every piece from the box one by one. The divider, the compass, the protractor, the two angles and ofcourse the free pencil. The pencil has improved form my days. Now they give a pen-pencil. Yes the lovely Camlin compass box.

Then I saw her geometry book. I remember my first class in geometry very well. The same things were taught. A point, a segment, a line and a ray. The same bloody things. The definitions were also the same, the drawings were also the same. It brought back nice memories. A point – it is something that does not have any length breadth and height. It’s just that – a point. A line is nothing but a series of points. I was good at geometry always. I loved it and I just couldn’t understand how anyone would get anything wrong in geometry. Possibly because I was good at visuals so I enjoyed geometry. I remember getting all the sums right in my final tenth standard exam. They cut 2 marks for no bloody reason and I ended up at 73 out of 75. The theory was that if they give you full marks then they have to give you a medal or something, which the board reserved for students from Marathi medium schools. Well who cares. Add that to the 74 I scored on Algebra, I finished at 147 from 150 in Math at school.

In morning while dropping Jispa off to swimming class, I told her that I loved Geometry and I would always get great marks in that. She then decided to test my skills. “So tell me – which is longer – a ray or a line?”. Aha… “Nice one Jispa, both are same – they both go on till infinity”. Hehe. Nice try kid. Then something just struck me. “Jispa – a point has no length breadth or height, correct?” “Yes” she replied. “And a line is nothing but a series of points, like a thousand points together?” “Yes” she said again. So then I asked “how come that a point which is like zero length, multiplied a thousand times has a length when zero into thousand is zero. So if nothing is put together a thousand times, how do you get something?”. I felt her bulb light up in her head “Fascinating” she said. ‘Fascinating’… that’s a nice term to use, I thought. I got her thinking. The truth is that I thought of this conundrum for the first time myself. How come this shit works? I can understand that a point can be infinitesimally small. That can help denote a starting point for math. Hence it will be zero otherwise you would need to consider the size of the point as well when you calculate the distance between two points to get the length of the segment. All this I assume… I know nothing of this. But how can nothing add up to something? Jispa was right. It’s fascinating. So I asked her – “so you are going to ask your teacher about this?” “Nah, she will just reply that” “it’s too advanced” I interjected. “no, she will just say that you will learn it in higher class”. Ok same thing.

I love having these conversations with Jispa. I keep telling her. When you grow up, do something nice. Become a geologist and then I can come with you to different places. Or study History – then we can do to all the palaces together and you can teach me. Or do zoological studies and I can come to various forests with you. I love learning from anyone. My nephew is a whacko. He is a lizard and snake super freak. So every time I meet him, I ask him stuff about snakes or other creepy crawlies. He studies in Doon school and he comes down for his vacations. This time around on a friend’s BBM he learnt that there was a snake found along with the stuff that was being shifted. He caught a friend and went there to catch the snake. He was coolly telling us later that it was a rat snake and hence not poisonous. Ya sure. He did catch it. What a complete mad man. What I wonder is that the adults around let me do it. He would have shown some attitude there for the others to trust him. I don’t know if I would have let him do it I was around.

Whatever, it’s fun to learn from him and it’s fun to learn from Jispa. I guess its sweeter when someone younger is teaching stuff to you. I actively try and learn from them. Of course some stuff you don’t want to learn from them, your ego gets in the place. But for the most, I guess, I like to learn from them. There is something that the youth has that you can never ever replicate. Teaching has put in touch with them and I really do learn a lot from them.

daddy rules

Yesterday in the morning, we probably had a premonition or something. Jasmine told me to wake up Jispa. I told her to wake her up.  None of us wanted to wake her up. Waking Jispa is not an easy deal. She keeps asking for two minutes and makes a huge fuss while getting up. Of course when it’s the 5 am wake up call for swimming she knows better and is much more reasonable, but on normal school days, it’s a task. She knows she has enough time. But we parents have to wear an albatross.

Jispa has a punishing swimming schedule. She loves it but we are punished as parents. We push ourselves to the limit while parenting her. The burden is much more than physical. We have to ensure she is well fed, well rested and she is well prepared. Now the school has begun to crank up the studies. And no matter which school you go to, the teachers are always in a hurry to finish the portion and are possibly unable to give enough attention to each child. You always have to supplement the studying schedule at home. You need to revise, you need to learn and you have to redo as homework what you got wrong. So far I had been pretty sanguine about it all. But this year I realized the pressure and the need to do regular home work.

So the crucial 30 minutes we identified for revision is in the morning when there is no swimming. This si the time she should finish her breakfast at 7am and she can study till 7.30am, at which time we need to go. So that necessitates waking up on time. And that’s where the pressure builds up.

I used to take extra pride in waking Jispa with a smile, by singing, by talking and by whispering stuff in hers ears. Now that is impossible. Doing that will take away her crucial sleeping and studying time. So I can’t start early. I have to let her sleep as much as possible and then get her off the bed.

Yesterday Jasmine had her way and I had to wake Jispa. I tried to be nice, spoke well, tried to pull her off. She delays by asking for stretching time. Which I allowed and then I had to physically lift her, which is now a heavy thing to do. Then while holding her and talking to her, I was taking he rot the bath. She kept resisting and then she let off the dreaded ‘aaaeeen’. Nothing pisses me off more than the ‘aaaeeen’. It’s a scream of irritation. She signifies that she is irritated and possibly we are doing something wrong. Woah… that’s the ultimate wrong thing to do to me in the morning. Especially if I am all sweet and nice (but firm) while I am waking you up. She got a mid-sized whack on her back from me. “Stop the ‘aaaeeen’ Jispa. Just not done. I am talking to you. I am holding you, I am waking you and you can’t do this.” She cried – more for the rebuke rather than the hit. I told her stop crying. “you know why you got it and I did not hit that hard”. She went for bath and then came out refreshed and she had stopped crying. She told me “sorry dad”. “it’s ok kid. I am sorry too. Just please wake up properly. It’s just too much stress that can be avoided in the morning”.

This is just too stressful. It’s not easy being the parents of a sporting champion. Especially when you want her to be good in studies as well. We have to keep the pressure on studies. Keep revising. Keep working. Do your homework. Do your tables. Do your spellings. And that’s a job that only the parents can do at home. Schooling is just not enough.

Yesterday evening was one big realization for me on this. I am the worst Hindi teacher there is. Jispa corrects me with the correct pronunciations and the spellings. I have no freaking clue how to spell or what the meaning is of the words. I can only do some take up shit. Jispa’s job is to know the stuff and my job is to ask her what she knows. But yesterday we were doing occupations. She was struggling with a few. And engineer is called abhiyanta in hindi. She kept forgetting. So I explained this.. When you want to fix something you call an engineer and when you want to fix something- you have to fix it NOW. NOW in Hindi is Abhi hence abhiyanta is engineer. Yayyyy. She got it. Then I explained the simpler ones like Sona is gold hence goldsmith is sonar. Loha is iron and hence blacksmith is lohar. Gwala is cow herd. Cow is gai and gai ko sambhalne wala is Gwala. Reporter is one who writes letters hence patra and hence patrakar. I explained that chikitsak is one who checks you and hence a doctor. And so on and on.

Finally as a dad I felt I did my job on teaching as well. That too Hindi syllabus. Jispa remembered them very well. She was struggling with them. Similarly I explained the numbers. I was explaining that the numerals across the world were basically invented in India and then taken to the western world by the Arabic traders and then universally adopted. That’s why the sounds are similar – two in English or deux in French or dos in Spanish sounds like they do in Hindi. Same with three, teen, tres, tran etc. so now you know the English ones get the Hindi ones similarly. And once you get the counds you will get the numbers. Only one difference is the numbers ending in 9 such as 59 or 69 which is called 60 minus 1 or unsath or 70 minus 1 to give you unhattar.

I don’t think her Hindi teacher has that much time or possibly you need to be a non-hindi speaking hero to understand and learn it via other shortcuts. But hell who cares…. There is stress and sometimes bucket loads of it but if in the end “DADDY RULESSSSS” then that’s that. Daddy rules.

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On a side note from the earlier blog… a question that Krishna raised set me thinking. Why does Jispa still take water from home? Yes sure. She doesn’t really need only home water. She drinks water everywhere. In fact she is a swimmer. We even give her sugar cane juice off the road side stalls. So why does she need home water. Well she doesn’t need the water but she needs the water bottle. So she can drink at will and she doesn’t really need to hit the water station every now and then. So now we are sending her only the bottle. In case of longer days she will take two bottles, one plain and the other with the Glucon C powder in it for her to mix. Well – that gets rid of one and a half kilo! BIG.

champion inside

Inspiration passion motivation. And many more words that keep coming out from a lot of idiots at office. I feel stupid discussing these words. There are only thrown about while pretending to mean serious business.

The other day this lovely young lady in my team was having a discussion with me. We were discussing how to choose the designs for putting the opaque stickers on the cabins. She remarked “aren’t these designs too dull. They would restrict the light and make the cabins duller.” She was referring to some design someone liked. “ya sure. But it’s ok. I don’t care. Do it if they like it.” I have learnt to buy peace. Of course I say my point of view, but if it’s not worth fighting, I don’t bother. There are many battles to be won. You don’t exhaust your energy on a few. “but, your cabin will also get affected, wont it? Shouldn’t that bother you?” she urged. “luisten lady. First things first. Its not my cabin. I sit there and I work there. but its not my cabin. It belongs to the company and they can take it away whenever they want. You never ever fall in love with your cabin or work space or anything else.” Then I explained “once many years ago, in the year 2000, when I was around 25 years old, my office shifted to a new location and they gave me one of the new ‘manager’ cubicles that lined the sides of the room”. This is a typical design thing. The big manager cubicles line the outsides with the chicken stock getting cubicles in the middle. I have always felt that the design is fundamentally flaws. It should be the reverse. The ones doing monotonous work should get the best views and windows. But no one will possibly listen to me. “so, they gave this lovely cubicle and I liked it. And then suddenly another division of the firm, the core division with its sales guys wanted to move in and they downgraded me to another cubicle in the middle. I felt so bad that time. I think I almost cried. From then on, I never fell in love with my place. I try and stay focused on the work and work around the place. That’s why I sit out many times, I come out and everyone uses my cabin and they are free to roam around. You never fall in love with your seat. You never do that.”. “acha, she said. So is that incident what motivated you to reach this level”. “NO. Impossible. No insult can motivate me to perform or do work. That is gone long back. My motivation is inside of me. Myself. I don’t look for motivation outside. No one can motivate me. Not my boss, not my family, not my peers, no body. I decide what I have to do and how much to perform. My standards are internal to me. Why look outside? It’s all inside.”

This has been my belief for many years now. Look inside. No such bull such as positive reinforcement, positive thinking and goal setting. I have never done any of this and I don’t really believe in it. You do your best, stay in the moment and look inside of you why you want to do or not do something. When I work, I decide how good I want to do or what I want to perform. So far the standards are the ones I have chosen to keep or benchmark. Why should anyone tell me what I need to aim for? They might guide or I may be inspired. But the goals are mine and mine alone. They are for me to set, understand and follow. And what goals are we talking about? Whose knows what the future holds like? I have never been a great goal setter. I am talking about lofty goals. Sure I have small milestones, some inspiring benchmark to achieve but not really goals the way the rest seem to have or preach to have.  And for the first time I read something somewhere that resonated with I am saying. This guy in the video is talking about still power which is opposed to will power. He has written a book called still power. Listen to the video.

I haven’t yet read the book and its always dangerous to extrapolate from a single interview but the fact is that I hear this man in the this interview and I resonate with what he says. Look inside. Don’t sledge your opponents. It’s not needed. Feel good about yourself. I think most of the time my sledging has never helped us.at best it may have helped my team rally around. But over the years I have learned to respect my opponents. Be friendly its ok. You are here to play your sport. In cricket as well I keep telling my team, relax, and don’t bother about the opposition. Look at the ball and then you have the bat. That is all. The game is still played with the bat and ball. Put your mind to the game and read it well.

The last year I was in the zone multiple times while playing or leading. No need to give great pep talks, no need to tell people to focus on winning. Focus on playing the game well. If enough people play the game well, you will win. Winning is an outcome not the destination. The journey, the plain, the mental toughness, that is the destination. Love it and live with it.

I kept worrying that with Jispa I never ever let her push toward a medal. You swim, you improve your timing. You enjoy your sport. She wants to do well, because she wants to do well. You win – great. You don’t win – great. Did your practice and preparation be worth it all. Yes. That’s important. And the Zone. The zone is always inside of you. It’s not outside. Whenever I have played the best cricket is when I have been in a stillness as far as my mind is concerned. It is focused on what to do then. Freedom from fear in turn is the freedom to play. Not regretting the past nor anticipating the future.

For Jispa, the freedom to lose is exactly the freedom to win. So when she swims she swims for herself, for the sake of swimming, for swimming as fast she wants to swim. When you have a 50 mtr dash, you can’t think or not think anything. You just go and swim. You back yourself. Whenever I have run the parents race – what was I thinking. Nothing. Just the feel of running fast and running through the race. You are just enjoying the moment. The rhythm and the grace of it. That’s all. You can’t think positive or negative. Of course longer sports like cricket give you a lot of time to think. But when you are about to play, you come back and you stop your thoughts. You see the field and then focus on the ball. Time always almost stands still when you are in your zone. You don’t fight negative or positive thoughts. You merely enjoy the moment. That’s all. Focusing on yourself and in your role vis-à-vis the team.

Talking about negative thoughts – I just chanced upon this article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/the-positive-power-of-negative-thinking.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

The power negative thinking it says. I like that. I like this paragraph a lot “The Stoics recommended “the premeditation of evils,” or deliberately visualizing the worst-case scenario. This tends to reduce anxiety about the future: when you soberly picture how badly things could go in reality, you usually conclude that you could cope. Besides, they noted, imagining that you might lose the relationships and possessions you currently enjoy increases your gratitude for having them now. Positive thinking, by contrast, always leans into the future, ignoring present pleasures.”  This stuff has worked for me innumerable times in the past. Whenever I have faced tremendous pressure or stress, my counter has been to know what’s the worst that could happen and how I would deal with it. Then the present doesn’t seem so bad after all. It’s right. That’s been my coping mechanism for the last decade or so. That’s helped me block out the issues, helped me block out the pain. In fact once your worst case scenario is acceptable then you don’t really mind the pain. In fact I would even so much as say – I end up enjoying the pain. Possibly in saying – take that dumbass, I am unaffected by you.

There is another para in the article that caught my attention “Even goal setting, the ubiquitous motivational technique of managers everywhere, isn’t an undisputed boon. Fixating too vigorously on goals can distort an organization’s overall mission in a desperate effort to meet some overly narrow target, and research by several business-school professors suggests that employees consumed with goals are likelier to cut ethical corners.”  This is also something I have argues for. Too much goal setting always, always gets employees to cut corners. To achieve only to please. To tick mark. Yes the work is done. These guys look for external goals, external targets and then simply tick mark saying that work has been done.

Surely goals are important but mindless pursuit of them and relentless follow up of goals that are generally given top down without participation lead to such a situation. In the video the author argues that goals are limiting. They don’t allow for freedom to work around. That is true. Goals are limited only by your imagination. A set of smaller victories sometimes helps a lot. Play every day, every ball. One at a time. The broad strategy fits in by itself if you take care of small victories. That’s why it always difficult to be bounded by a large inflexible goal.

Well anyways. That’s a lot of gyan for one post. But nice. It was good to stumble upon this video and the article. It suddenly reinforced what I seemed to have found and believed in – all these years.

what a burden

“Ok let’s go. No wait. Let me see… where is our weighing scale, Jasmine?. Yes got it. Come here Jispa. Ok… that’s roughly six kgs. And you still don’t have it all. Some stuff is still missing”

Whenever we came in from Dubai for a vacation in India, we would stay for almost two months at our Granny’s house. My Granny was rich. The family had two buildings that belonged to them and she stayed on the top floor of one. One entire floor was theirs. That was great fun. We were treated like royals. Especially because we came in from abroad so we would come with bags full of foreign merchandise not available in India in those days. Simple stuff like chocolates, t shirts, chewing gums etc. We were the toast of all our cousins. OK possibly it was not all due to the stuff we bought. I am sure some would be happy just to meet us. But it was nice to feel like royalty. And yes the biggest thing in India. Servants. In Dubai you may have been rich and drinking Pepsi but in India you don’t work. You get the servants to work for you.

This was in many ways a cultural shock for us kids. It was a mixed feeling. While servants are good fun when you are sleepy and you need someone to make the bed, it never felt good to give them work. I still don’t like giving them work or getting them to do stuff for us. So as a kid from Dubai I never understood how to treat them. Was the full time maid who was possibly just about 15years old my friend, my servant or what? She would play with us but she couldn’t really win, could she? Whatever – I remember it being very very confusing.

Then we moved in to India and I was in the fourth standard. Our Granny’s house was a stone throw away from the school. Mom was a bit worried about us walking to school all alone. Would we brothers from Dubai be able to cross the roads safely? So she came with us for a few days and then I later learnt she would send us alone but follow us from afar and check if we went right. Softies from Dubai can’t negotiate the Mumbai roads. And this was in 1984, when we didn’t even have enough cars. Afterwards she sent the maid along with us to school and to pick us up. The maid would come along and we never understood what her role was. I don’t think she understood it as well. She tried to ask us if she could carry our bags. NO WAYS. Not a chance we would allow her to do that. I was around 8 or 9 years old but I would have enough dignity to carry my own school bag.

I have never understood why someone needs to carry your bag for you. It just isn’t right. We had a few kids in school whose moms or uncles would carry their bags for them. But they were few and far in between. As I grew up and the economy progressed, Jasmine and I saw a lot of maids around us. Almost anyone with a child would have a full time maid and the way we saw it he maid’s essential role was to follow the child and carry its food and drink and other essentials. They would carry the bag, carry the tiffin, carry the sports kit, everything. Oh I so bloody hated looking at it. The menace was so widespread that party invite would sometime specify that ‘no maids allowed’

Among our friends Jispa was the only one without a full time help. So she was quite used to carrying her own stuff. Her friends when they would come with us would just walk away without picking up after them in a picnic or expected to be served. Argggg. Do your own stuff dudes.

Cut to present. These days when Jispa sometimes picks her school bag I see her struggle with the weight. The bags are really heavy. Jispa has her taekwondo in school so she carries an extra amount of water – glucon C or something. So there is around one and a half litre of water in her bag. Then she has a snack box. Then she carries her taekwondo uniform and then she carries her books. The bag is really heavy. At first I tried not carrying it for her as we left home. Then I realized that it was too much for a child. So just the other day I weighed the bag (it was a light day, with a few books coming home for review), and it weighed 6 kilos. On a light day. So that would got to 7 kilos at least or possibly 8.

Pit that against the 28 kilo frame that Jispa is and you get the idea. So I kind of feel sorry for her and I carry it till the car. But to ensure that life isn’t easy for her, I let her carry my tiffin or my sports bag or something. She gladly takes the exchange offer. But from the car to the bus– she is on her own.

Wait – the car till the bus? How is that a big thing? Well I did not think of it as a big thing as well. Till I saw one kid at the bus stop. He is possibly is the 6^th or 7^th grade. He comes with his mom AND his maid. His maid carries his bag while his mom marches him to the bus stop. For the record his maid is tinier (build) than him. And then when he comes to the bus stop in the car, he walks without any encumbrances till the bus and his mother or maid carry the bag for him till there. So there. Possibly I am being quick to judge. Possibly the poor boy has a condition not allowing him to carry weight. Possibly.

But the case still is a vivid example of what I see wrong. Yes the bags are getting stupidly heavy. I also don’t understand why Jasmine has to fill water and give Jispa to take to school. The school has a filter and when I was in school, we saw anyone who carried water from home as a wimp. But that still only solves around 15% of the problem. We give the bag too much weight. And then we give the child too much care. You definitely need to carry your own stuff. Jispa must carry her own stuff, but I guess it also must be adequate for her to carry.

I feel like noting the bag weight every day and then writing a letter to school. Just stating the facts. Just stating them. Let’s see what happens.

lets watch it together

The Olympics. It’s been a deep desire of mine to one day witness a live Olympic event. See a few races yourself, live. Sigh… someday. I will be rich enough or retired enough to see one. I want to play a game of cricket in England, watch Wimbledon, and catch a test match in Australia. And ofcourse watch the 100 meter sprint at the Olympics. Now thanks to Jispa we have started watching swimming and understanding it. It’s a completely different experience.

We have a TV now at home but we still don’t have cable. So we still can’t watch the Olympics. Getting the cable just for this is quite a pathetic chore. So we were lucky to be at friends place to catch the finals of the 400m individual medley, which had the legend Phelps finishing a poor fourth. Jispa was excited and we all watched eagerly. It was fun watching a sporting event with Jispa. I have always wanted to watch sports and play sports with Jispa. It’s awesome fun. Full on bonding. At the other swimming races, there was considerable excitement as well. Our friends also caught our infection as we cheered for the swimmers. Normally the swimming would have become a bit boring if not for the introduction of the World record line. They show the line (superimposed for TV) at which the swimmer must be to beat the world record. So it quite visible if the swimmer is ahead or behind the record. It makes for an exciting race.

So we were cheering and very excited towards the end when you see how fast the swimmers are going and if there are in line to beat the record.

The next day I tried to catch a few swim races with Jasmine and Jispa on the cell phone on YouTube. There we saw the race and then tried to analyse and learn from the swimmers. We were discussing how the hand is stretched just for that little bit before it pulls the water back. This is quite clear from the underwater shots. Then we were looking and rewinding and forwarding to see how the relay guys are ready to jump and have taken off just as the swimmer approaches. It’s timed to perfection. They begin their jump and only the toe is touching while their compatriot is reaching for the touchpad. Lovely. At that level you save every half second. Finally a sport that our whole family can watch and not just watch, we get technical about it. Wow. That’s one dream come true.

Normally when we watch cricket I struggle to show Jasmine that see – see the ball pitch and turn. There.. Can you see it, the ball is swinging in the air. In the middle, I used to try and predict the googly from Anil Kumble hand while he was bowling. All that was lost. Now we all can look forward to see one sport. I am thrilled. And all the angles and the innovation make for a very engrossing viewing.

A dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do

This is a really tough one. Jispa doesn’t like her school taekwondo teacher. He is a bit tough on the kids and the kids seem to hate that. Before him there was this fun teacher who taught them and made them play games while teaching them taekwondo. Last to last year I remember that just before the annual play off while practicing Jispa hit leg against the wall and got a sore foot. Her teacher then still motivated her and Jispa fought despite the pain. On the other hand this year she has been trying to get off the taekwondo co-curricular class.

Taekwondo is something that I was pretty keen on. I was keen that Jispa take up some form of martial art. It would stand her in good stead when she grows up and it also builds strength and discipline. The kicking in taekwondo also helps build legs, that possibly has a rub off effect on her swimming muscles. So it’s a good thing. Till the new teacher came in Jispa loved taekwondo and is now proficient enough to kick the wooden board that they use and break it in one clean swipe.  She was doing pretty well.

The problem is now that the teacher is one tough guy from the old school of hard knocks. He makes the kids practice hard and bores them to death by getting them to kick in the entire class. Then sometimes he denies them loo breaks or water breaks. I don’t know – what would happen if you don’t drink a bit of water in one hour. Then he scolds them if they get it wrong. Then he takes one kid aside and teaches him extra stuff. Then once when Jispa took a loo break he got another kid to teach her stuff she missed as opposed to teaching it himself.

When I heard this I was wondering. Where’s the issue. This sounds like the school I went to. My teachers were like this and the ones not like these were the exception rather than the norm. We all got screamed at, scolded and stopped from loo and water breaks. He seems like any of my PE teachers. Only a bit better. I remember getting whacked on the bum with a hockey stick as well. Ouch.

But the problem is that Jispa hates it. She positively hates it and I guess the class hates it as well. They seem to be bitching about the teacher within themselves a lot. The words that Jispa speaks has stuff that I would never have thought of her noticing. Its sounds like kids bitching together and coming to a conclusion that the teacher is bad.  Whatever the truth – Jispa hates the class. So today morning I had a longish chat with her. I understood and I then explained to her – “understand kid, this is similar to what I had in school. If the sir hits you then it’s bad, if he is partial all the time, then it’s bad. He took a kid aside and taught him extra because he must have seen something more. Remember he took you aside from your friends and made you kick the board and not let your friends do it. That time you did not complain. Don’t complain now. I think the issue was that your sir did not speak properly. He needs to talk sweetly to you guys. Or at least less harsh. Think again that seems to be the issue.” Jispa replied in affirmative. I guess she understood. I explained that its ok if someone screams. Let them scream as much as they want. It allright. What you want is for them to teach you. As long as he does that, its ok. As long as he doesn’t hit it ok. Rest we will manage. “but still” I added, I think I need to speak to him. I need to tell him that I think the kids are a little scared of you and don’t like being scolded. Can you please be a little more soft or little less hard on them. If I call him and do that, will that be enough”. Jispa nodded again.

So today was a test. To do something good for her while it being bad in the short term. Its tough really tough. I love my daughter. I surely don’t want her to have bad irritating teachers but also that is reality around you. People scream and speak rudely all the time. Get used to it. You can run from it. Especially if you are getting stuff that is good for you.

On Jispa’s guitar class, Jispa doesn’t have the will to practice every time. I also recognize that Jispa can’t do it. Just no time. With one full time sport it’s impossible to have one more hobby. Taekwondo is school is enough extra, on which we top up with swimming. Sorry man. I had to be the bad guy and say – fine Jispa. No guitar class anymore. She was a bit relieved as well. We can’t make her a super kid. I don’t want that. I wanted a simple kid, and yes a few great achievements would be nice. State swimming is good enough. To push her for more is sheer torture. And as parents I did not want to punish her anymore and quite frankly I thought the family was falling apart thanks to the hectic pace. I am most worried about Jasmine. Somehow being the super mom she is, I don’t think she knows what the pace was exacting upon her and her mind. Yes. I thought I had to be the final bad or tough guy. The guy taking all the decisions, especially if they are tough to be taken.

So I took the taekwondo decision and will take it to its logical conclusion and I have taken the guitar one as well. It’s best given the circumstances.

So anyone want a second hand guitar?

a new scrap everyday

After all these years some things never change. The stress of education is always there on the child and add to that – the greatest stress ever – the stress of homework not done or homework incomplete.

Yesterday was Jispa’s last day of the vacation. Till the fourth standard – every year in the vacation they have to write a scrap book of the stuff they did in the vacation. This for us is the most painful thing. You have to think of stuff we did, print pictures and decorate the scrap book. The most tiresome of them all – get Jispa to write in the scrap book. Get behind here. It’s like getting her to write 20 essays. Arrgghh. We have to be real mean parents if are to get her to finish on time. Things don’t help when the highlight of your holidays which is the vacation we took is towards the end of the holidays. We even took the dam bloody scrap book to Udaipur and made her write in her vacations. Whenever we had free time, we would goad her into writing. She would curse us, curse the dam book but she had no option but to write. After she writes, we can choose the pictures and print them accordingly. Jasmine had been telling her to write a few pages of Hindi as well. Jispa maintained that it was optional. Yesterday, on the last day, Jasmine read the circular that explained quite clearly that a few notes in Hindi are expected. But since getting Jispa to do the scrap is so bloody stressful, we let it be. Don’t bother.

At around 8 pm, when we are all ready to sleep and Jasmine is so tired that she even falls asleep, Jispa suddenly sees something that every school going kid sees. The consequences of not doing what you have been told to. Till now the school and the home work seemed far away. Hindi pages – sure – it’s optional. Its not required. But now, she was suddenly convinced it is not optional. It is required.  She comes to me with an upset face. What am I to do? Nothing, chill I tell her. We will figure. Now have your bath. After her bath also, she comes to me. Now really upset and almost in tears “what will happen tomorrow?”. “arey” I tell her “you enjoyed your summer vacation, nah? Why regret? Don’t worry. You said it was optional and what can your teacher do? She will only scold nah? Don’t worry”. “no” Jispa cried, “she can mess with my grades”. I wanted to tell her, chill man. Shit happens. It’s not the end of the world. In school, shit always happens.

When I was her age, shit happened all the time. We were three kids. Of course my mom couldn’t completely focus on all our studies. And then my dad had a heart attack when I was in fifth standard. So shit just hit the roof many times. Homework not done, answers not learnt, talking in class, all sorts of shit. Even rubbish like – paints not got for art class. And we used to sometimes get slaps, punishments, kneeling and what not. That stuff is at least banned in school these days. We used to get the dreaded remark in the diary. This had to be signed by the parent, which was a really BAD thing. So the biggest worry was not the shit hitting you. That was manageable. It was the shit hitting you once you get home. Who wanted that? School was enough. You plead with the teacher for mercy – she refuses takes your diary and then you go home and explain the shit all over again. The pain was getting home and facing crap.

At least in this – I wanted to tell Jispa – you can’t get any crap at home. I am saying ok. Shit happens. Not writing a few pages of Hindi is not exactly a bad thing that I am going to scold you about. But then how do I tell her that its ok for teachers to be angry at you, it’s a pathetic thing you shouldn’t be bothered about. I couldn’t do that. So I looked at her and said, ok let’s do something about it. I wake Jasmine up and explain the situation. We press code red. We get the papers, the ruled papers, the blank papers, the colored papers. Then we think about how to write stuff that will fill at least two sides in Hindi. Then we think of something. Tomorrow is Monday. Monday is no Hindi. Hindi subject is on Tuesday. Cool Jispa. Write the stuff now, we will decorate it tomorrow and you can tell your teacher that the Hindi pages of the scrap book are coming separate and you will get it for Hindi class. So I dictated a lot of stuff on the Hindi essay to Jispa. That itself was a crazy situation, I shouldn’t be dictating stuff. She should be writing it herself, but when you are about to sleep on a Sunday night in anticipation of a whole week ahead then you really want to get all the stuff done fast and easy. Thinking anything in Hindi is a big task for me. It ok to speak in ‘Mumbai’ Hindi but it’s another task altogether in writing decent fourth grade Hindi. Getting all the grammar right is very very stressful.

So we finished by 9 to sleep on time and Jispa was happy. “Thank you mom, thank you dad”. “ya sure” Jasmine said and the asked her “so do you enjoy working at the last moment? Would you do this again? Will you do so when I tell you?”. “yes mamma, sorry mamma.”

Sigh. All’s well that ends well. I try not to give too much stress about the education bit. I try and take all that stress on my head. If you have to learn tables, fine, let me do it along with you. If you have to do homework, ok, let me help you. It’s pretty boring getting to do all the work alone. Also being the only child, you can’t force the old “all of you sit down and do your homework together” bit. So I try and be extra sensitive. As it is, there is enough grief in a child’s life. I don’t want to contribute to it. There are many benefits of having siblings, but there are many cons as well. We took a call and had only one child. That was so that we could focus our time and energies on her. Completely. So we must focus on her. That’s the way I see it. I have no other excuses. Hence also no complains.

In the morning over breakfast she was telling me how the scrap book completely spoils her vacation and she hates it. I explained to her about a research I read. Kids who leave for the vacation end up not studying at all or reading at all. This largish break makes the child regress in his learning. So while a vacation is good for a child to play freely, it also means that the child must do small little work that keeps him up to speed with what he has already learnt. Two months a long time in child years I guess. That settled it for now. Luckily next year onwards she does do the scrap book, but I am told they have book reviews to be submitted. Hahahha. Have fun. Jasmine and I are happy that theoretically we are off the hook on those kinds of assignments. Hehehe.

a question of faith

Ever since I remember I have had this fascination for the Haji Ali Dargah off Worli sea face. The setting of the Shrine is perfect. It is around a kilometer off the mainland. The sea face is a very busy Mumbai arterial road. I remember passing through this place many times when I was a kid. Whenever we had to go to town we would pass by Worli and I would put my head out to see and admire the shrine.

Here is the satellite image. The little white thing out in the sea is the shrine.

My parents were largely secular. I remember whenever we came to Mumbai in the vacations from Dubai, we would have one scheduled visit to Haji Ali. So as a kid I have been there quite a few times. But after we shifted back to Mumbai for some reason it fell off our ‘to visit’ spots. I must have hardly been there once or twice since. When I was dating Jasmine I remember asking her if she had ever been there. She said that she had never been there as it was a Muslim place of worship. That’s when I first thought of it as a Muslim place. The dargah is largely Sufi which meant that its appeal would largely be open to both faiths. But I also guess it would be a question of faith and exposure. After having stayed in Dubai, I guess my family would be obviously more open to the Muslim faith. But then Jasmine also stayed close to a Muslim dominated locality. But would that have meant bringing them closer or further widening of the divide? I don’t know. It could cut both ways. Like next to Jasmine’s building was a Muslim dominated building. The problem would arise during Bakri Id. This is when they would have goats in the compound a couple of days prior to the Id and the same would be sacrificed on Id. This would happen in the open. Most vegetarians would find this highly disgusting and unbearable. Possibly this would further divide ‘us’ from ‘them’. The Moharram mourning with self-flagellation is also something that is a point of misunderstanding. But if I were to put on the opposite cap – I don’t think the Muslims would understand the 7 day fasting that Jains do or the fact that Jains don’t eat onions and garlic and other stuff that grows underground. In fact I guess the biggest grouse that anyone can have of Jains is that on religious grounds they are holier than thou and in business they just are complete blood suckers.

But this is not a blog about disparity. This is about plurality and the open embrace of Sufism. So when a friend from UK came to Mumbai and requested to see the shrine I was more than happy to her around. As timeline would have it, we only had a morning slot free. Which meant a visit to Haji Ali at 6 am. You can only go there during low tide as high tide submerges the half km entry path. 6 am is also a good thing as it meant availability of parking. In that area there is absolutely no parking available. I wonder where the pilgrims park their car during normal hours. I would guess the availability of parking would tempt many more pilgrims that what the shrine currently gets.

6 am also meant that the path was relatively free of all the beggars that normally dot the sides. No crowd to jostle with and a peacefull prayer time for my friend. When I walked to the shrine and when I walked in, I was somehow feeling a bit ‘nothing’. I don’t know. A bit let down in some sorts. Let down that I felt nearly nothing. I was expecting to feel nostalgic at the least, or even possibly feel a vibe or some thing. I was left unimaginably cold to the whole thing. Watching the Mumbai skyline also had no effect on me. Possibly the tide was way too low. A higher tide would have made for a dramatic scene with the waves lashing. But hell it was a really cold trip. Walk in walk out.

Dam me and my realism on god values. I see it nothing but an interesting monument. As of now at least I have nothing to ask from him or him to ask from god on my behalf. I think every time that this robs me of the magic that a more religious person might have felt. And this stuff is what I teach Jispa. That a temple is just a monument. God can solve your issues. You don’t need to pray to God for anything. So forget me and Jasmine, even Jispa won’t feel that magic. I felt that faith as a child growing up. It was there till about I was 21. Even after that I went through the motions till I stopped on day on the banks of the Ganga. Now it’s a cold nothingness. I am not really complaining but I wonder if that is an important part of life skills that I have not passed on. I wonder.

zoom

Last week I was in Udaipur for a personal leave. Jasmine and I have realized the value of staying put in as few places as possible during a leave. First we would go to multiple places in one leave. Like our honey moon, in which we did more than 6 places in 15 days. We covered practically the whole of  Kumaon region in Uttrakhand when we were there. Slowly slowly we were down to three places, then two and now we are at one place one week. The last two holidays have been just that. Reach, plonk yourself and if needed use that as a base to explore further. So this time, it was one week in Udaipur. This also affects the hotel choice. We end up taking a smallish but cute and clean hotel, that is typically family run. And this time for the first time, we deliberately went for a hotel with a pool in it. if you are there for eight nights and you might get a bit of hot weather, you need a pool. So we got, history, culture and relaxation – all in one vacation.

Another thing that we have discovered in India is the Golden Quadrilateral. The new highways of India. I have been hearing about how good. I used to try and get Jasmine to agree on driving holidays. The last time we had no option but to drive to our spot as it was pretty remote. The highways are amazing. These are segregated lanes with flower beds in the middle. And enough space to zip through. When I first drove on Indian highways, it was around 20 years ago. We had a Fiat premier padmini car. Here is a similar model. Ours was white as well.

My dad had bought it second hand. My mom had insisted on buying a car as my eldest sister was marriageable age and we must have a car to prove that we were well off. That we had two flats and that we had stayed in Dubai or whatever else was probably not too much of a show off value. So dad bought his car for around ninety five thousand rupees. A princely sum of course in those days. Must have been around in the year 1990 or thereabouts. The only thing we kids did not like about it was that it did not have an AC in it. We were keen that we have atleast an AC car. We wanted a Maruti but our conservative parents preferred this car, which we made do with. BUT NO AC? That was a bummer. But hell, we still loved that we had a car and as soon as we turned 18, we enrolled into a driving school and got our licenses. Dad actively taught our driving and soon enough we were driving on highways.

The highways. Oh the highways on a premier padmini. It had no acceleration to talk about. It was good for doing 60kmph at bets. Reaching any speeds beyond that required a large empty stretch of road and 90 would be around the best available speed. That too only if we got like a straight road with no traffic on the way. I must crossed that only once in my padimini. Add to that were the state of the highways in India. I was explaining to Jispa that the highways were just one road with one lane going up and another lane going down, with no segregation. The lanes were simply painted. So when you drive you have to be very carefull. For overtaking every time, you would have to tail the truck in front of you and then move little to the right and check for oncoming traffic. Then if you found the coast clear you would press the accelerator completely and hope to pass the truck before an oncoming vehicle came face to face with you. But that’s not enough similarly you have to constantly look for incoming vehicles that are overtaking by coming onto your lane. You would have to adjust your speed accordingly. I have been pushed off road one more than one occasions by a truck who has mistimed his overtaking. So I move off the road rather than get smashed into as pulp.

I was explaining this to Jispa and she found it quite amusing. The highway to Udaipur is around 800 km long and is one super straight drive. Only in one 50 km patch between Ahmedabad and Ghandinagar is the old style highway. I guess that is because it is the Ghandinagar bypass. If you go through the city then you get the segregated lanes all the way. This is like a shortcut. It helped to have it as it was like giving a live demo to Jispa. I talked to her while I was driving. See now I must overtake this way. Now I must look for this truck. She now found all it even funnier. All the cars waiting behind a truck and then suddenly all of them accelerating together and overtaking. Then she saw how we were stuck behind a truck at 40kmph waiting for a chance to overtake. As opposed to 100 -120 kmph on the normal highway, it felt like a hare waiting impatiently behind a tortoise waiting for an opening.

The superb highways made me think about my political leaning. The bridges in Mumbai which got much acclaim were thanks to the right winged group in power. The Golden quad highway project was a brain child of the same right winged combo in power at the center. The more secular party leans almost left and is a ‘welfarist’ at heart. While I think some of the legislation like the NREGA which guarantees employment may have much greater long term impact than what most understand, I need good roads and bridges now. No I am not talking like a spoiled brat who wants roads for a self drive vacation. But I see the benefits of good infrastructure.

Long ago in my naivety I had argued that India does not need so much infrastructure. After all we led the IT boom in spite of the no government support and in the absence of any backing. Adversity led to innovation. But I couldn’t have been more stupider. We desperately need it and the multiplier effect is for there to see. Good roads means better transport for goods and materials, we can now use large trucks on the highways, better trucks, better facilities for drivers, faster transportation. May be capital intensive in the short run but cheaper in the long run. Business comes up in and around the area and you definitely gain in terms of efficiency. It’s bloody important. So this time around if I vote right winged, it’s not that I love secular less, but that I love infrastructure more (sorry Brutus).

Maya

Maya. Commonly understood as illusion. The Wikipedia say thus - Maya or Māyā, in Indian religions, has multiple meanings, usually quoted as "illusion", centered on the fact that we do not experience the environment itself but rather a projection of it, created by us. While this sounds simple enough or complicated enough, depending on your world view, the followings words  are even more obscure “Māyā is the principal deity that manifests, perpetuates and governs the illusion and dream of duality in the phenomenal Universe. For some mystics, this manifestation is real. Each person, each physical object, from the perspective of eternity, is like a brief, disturbed drop of water from an unbounded ocean. The goal of enlightenment is to understand this—more precisely, to experience this: to see intuitively that the distinction between the self and the Universe is a false dichotomy. The distinction between consciousness and physical matter, between mind and body (refer bodymind), is the result of an unenlightened perspective.”

 Wow. I completely skipped that one. For me Maya is simply that there is no absolute truth. Only versions of it. Many times truth twists itself in a manner that is not known to us. I have argued this before on my blog. And I see it everyday in our lives. Most so in office.

Just yesterday I was explaining to someone the absurdity of office situations and the games we end up playing. I read somewhere that ‘a person refuses to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it. Suppose there was an instance where a particular way of showing numbers was proposed to me by my subordinate. But my job depended on not understanding it. I refused. Now one could call me the bad guy. But I knew if I start showing the numbers suddenly in a  new format, the other guys would falsely compare those with the preceding numbers and raise a false alarm. The alarm would be loud enough to set the fire itself, leaving you with another existential question – what came first – the chicken or the egg. So by that logic who is the idiot? Me for refusing to move forward, them – for refusing to see light when I show them statistics or he for not understanding this equation and putting us all in a situation where have to make a call – if we are idiots or not. Where does the buck lie? All are right and all are wrong because for the innocent bystander – YOU, you see the truth. Improve it you say. The right thing to do is always what the right thing is. But what you don’t understand is the chain of repercussions you could start of. So sitting judge on these issues, make you  dear friend, you ARE the idiot. For you haven’t understood the real issues, which are something else altogether. Possibly ‘them’ are under pressure to perform. Possibly ‘them’ see threat from ‘me’. Possibly ‘me’ has conveyed the wrong impression to ‘he’. And possibly ‘he’ is just bugging me to expose the real ‘me’. Who said what is a big question?

Yesterday I was explaining to someone that many times it is stupid to look at the truth in a matter. In office many times, people say something yet mean something else. They will come and tell you what they think they did in a situation. You will get another version from it from someone else. And then the two will conflict in your brain and you will invariably think that one has lied or has betrayed you. The truth is a lot in between. One may have just been misinterpreted or one may have tried to deflect from himself and named you but then made a comeback but the earlier version stuck. What should you do in this case? Should you try to get to the bottom of it all? What will you do digging for truth in a cesspool?  The smart thing is to know what you know and what you don’t. To live with the probabilities of what really happened. Cesspools are murky and opaque. Cleaning them doesn’t do much to anyone. It’s you who gets dirty in the process and it’s you who will get recognized as the one who throws stones in the cesspool.

I was telling Jasmine the same thing the other day. She wanted to clarify something from some other mother. I told wait. What’s it got to do with you? What they did to someone may or may not be without malice but you asking them will surely bring something out in the open. Why confront. What is the objective? What will you achieve? Quietly allowing them to think the way they do doesn’t not really harm you then why do you go for the truth? Why?

Our desire to seek out the TRUE version can only harm us. Because what we get we may not really like. Most of the time I have seen that we only seek to twist what we hear to we want to hear. I have that so many times. I used to counsel a lot of my subordinates and students. Now I don’t get too emotionally attached while doing so. People don’t want to hear the truth (at least your version of it). they want to hear their version of it.

OH DAM IT. this is getting to bloody irritating. Obviously I have seen something in office that has reinforced my belief in Maya and the power of illusions and truth. Two people said something to me. I love them both. I respect them both. The critic may argue that possibly I have no option but to respect them both. My job depends on deeply respecting them, so possibly I respect them. But I believe that both of them have been really nice to me and have helped me. So when I get two versions of truth I am forced to be philosophical. But not for long. I found myself humming this song which liked ever since I heard it. That makes me smile. Humming it to myself. Don’t you always remember the songs you listened to as a kid?

Bond

I was in the operation theatre when Jasmine delivered Jispa.  Besides obviously being happy that our child was born, I was so happy that it was a girl. We both wanted a girl. We even had the name in place. But if it were a boy, hmmm that would have been a bit of a tough one.

But you know how dads can get. I always want to bond with my girl on a man to man basis. I’d like to talk to her, explain her stuff, go cycling or swimming with her. Watch action movies with her. But my girl, well she is a girl after all. She hates action movies. So no super hero movies or movies where the bad guy gets thrashed about, smashed into pulp or bullets flying. So I have never been really able to see these movies. I remember many years ago when she was around five years old and die hard part 4 was released. We went to see the movie after she was asleep. Normally I would carry her in my arms and hold her through the movie, while she was fast asleep. This time she woke up and saw some action and I distinctly remember her getting angry at us for getting her to the movie. She started getting angry in the movie hall itself “why did you get me here, why did you get me here?”

Last week, one day she asked me, “how did Spiderman become Spiderman? I heard that some spider bit him or something. Is that true?” Ah yes. I then proceeded to explain to her the legend of the Spiderman. How he was bestowed with special spider sense and then I explained the part about ‘with great power come great responsibility’. Then I asked her, if she wanted to see the part thee (or is it part four) of the movie that was releasing this Friday. “hmmm. I don’t know. But shouldn’t I see part one before”. Well it’s not like they are sequential like harry potter or something. But ya. So we borrowed the first part of the series and watched it at home. She was ok with it. nice and fun, so we went on Sunday for ‘the amazing Spiderman’. Whoops. This one was a bit dark, tough and a lot more gore (blood) in it. I guess after the Batman in the Dark Knight, Hollywood must have thought about dark, confused and complicated superheroes with blood on them would make for more compelling viewing. I mean when was the last time you saw a super hero coming home and covering his bloodied face from his aunt. This is eth first spider man who I have seen who has removed his mask so often and been so bruised. It was like an action blood movie than a superhero movie. Either their target audience has gotten older or the kids can take much more violence these days.  Its rated UA but I strongly feel that families who get their kids for a ‘wholesome’ experience would be a bit rattled by the movie. I think we need a certification that’s between UA and A for this one. I think kids need to be at least 12 to really enjoy this movie. Jispa came out ok from the movie. There were parts she did not want to see for sure. Possibly the boys in her class would be more blood hungry, but it was a bit dark and gory for a 9 year old. After the movie, she was ok. I told her I did not know this would be as bad. She was ok about the whole thing. I finally got her to see a couple of super hero movies. I enjoy them and I secretly hope to see them with my kid. Possibly when she grows up. Anything is good when you compare it to the home alone 3 that she hired to see along with Spiderman 1.

And if that bonding wasn’t enough for the week end, yesterday night, both Jispa and I couldn’t get any sleep. We tried to hit the bed by 9. Jasmine was asleep but Jispa and I struggled. So I snug into her bed and tried reading my book, while she tried sleeping. Didn’t work. So I tried reading while she was reading. Didn’t work. She drank a little milk (wonder of wonders) and I drank milk. Didn’t work. We looked at each other for around an hour and then another… still we both were awake and wondering what to do. So we decided to watch a movie. Since we have no cable and our collection of movies ain’t that big, we had little choice. She did not want to see ‘my movies’ and I surely did not want to see ‘her movies’. It then I told her fine, I think the right movie from our collection would be …. Yes. I got it. ‘do aankhen baarah haat’ (two eyes twelve hands). This is an old black and white movie, I told her. I had seen it as a kid, about your age or a couple of years older possibly. And it was a nice movie. So Jispa and I were watching this 1957 movie about a jailor who is trying to take 6 hardened criminals and reform them by giving them freedom and taking them out of a jail set up to an open ground without encumbrances.  It was nice movie and the prayer song from that movie never left me.

I had to keep explaining the story and its nuances to Jispa from time to time.  The premise of the story, why he taking them to a free place, why is he breaking the fences and that he is giving them their murder weapons as tools to work with. The music score and the over acting of the cast is worth watching and is so different from the cinema of today. Jispa found it amusing and then even remarked “these black and white movies are quite nice and fun to watch”.

So yesterday we watched around 55 minutes of the movie till I felt sleepy and it was around 12 midnight. We promised to complete it later.

This was a lot of bonding for one weekend. But yes, I am not complaining.

piss on your problems

I was a sickly child. I used to fall sick often enough I took a lot of home remedies, ayurvedic medicines in addition to the normal allopathic medicines. I would fall ill every monsoon and my parents would be always remain worried about my health. Obviously I felt singled out by God especially because my brother was blessed with amazing health.

But all those years of being ill has had an amazing positive to it as I have become a dad. I can’t better relate to Jispa when she falls ill. I know what happening to her, what’s wrong, what’s the issue, what medicine can do what. I wrote before about how I know how to hold her if she is vomiting. Where exactly do you want to be comforted? How can Jasmine ever know? She has hardly ever vomited.

In office today people were talking about some ear infection and how to solve it. Oh that’s simple. You take your first pee in the morning and put a few drops of it in your ears. First pee? Had I lost it?

As a child one of my recurring complaints was a ear infection. Even today I think I have some remnants of this. In a smoke filled room like a pub or a bar (before the smoking ban) my ears would hurt. Even today when the AC vent in the car points at my ear, after sometime it starts hurting. As a kid my Ayurvedic doctor treated the ear infection by advising my dad to put a few drops of the first urine of the day in my ears. Embarrassing as it sounds, it worked like a dream.

Since Jispa swims so much, last to last year she got an ear infection. Jasmine went to the ear specialist who put some medicine in the ear and bandaged it and asked Jispa to stop her swimming for a few weeks. It went away. Last year when Jispa complained of ear ache, we realized she had an infection in the ear again. She couldn’t afford to miss two weeks of training. I suddenly remembered by childhood and told Jasmine that my dad would put a few drops of my first urine in my ear. We tried that on Jispa for a few weeks and voila… infection gone. All you have to do is put a few drops in your ear in the morning and then sleep a few minutes while it’s in, then put some cotton and go about your life.

Jispa did not even miss a day of training this year because of an ear infection, thanks to this remedy.

Moral of the story - You may be in shit for now, but who knows – when you grow up you might benefit from being in shit for now. In ways you can’t even begin to imagine.