it's only a gift for heaven's sake

People give the darnest of things. Sometimes I have no clue what to do with it. And I specially love the show pieces that they give. Once I got a clock held together by two elephants, once I got a fake fish bowl with fake fish in it (you have to plug it in), a desk set with my name engraved on it (wrong spelling), tons of card holders, notepads, a serving tray, glass coasters, stumps (yup cricket stumps meant to be an invite), a Buddha look alike statue (pretty though), mugs and some more mugs, mug with my name etched on it, and other paraphernalia. But the last one I got took the cake. It’s a ceramic plate with some enameling work done on it. It’s pretty no doubt, but for hell of me I can’t figure out what to do with it. I have no clue to its possible use.

There is no hole at the back to hang it. It did not come with a stand to put it on somewhere as a desk top, its not even flat that I can use it for keeping hot vessels. Its just there. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. It is very pretty but it’s just there. So it’s one more thing that adds more color to my already colorful desk.

I even tried to keep it as mouse pad holder.

Nahhhh… not happening.

I even managed to chip while it was just lying there. Oh the things people gift you. I wish it was atleast ugly. I could have thrown it, but now since its pretty I cannot throw it. I do not want to risk living the rest of my miserable life as a person who could not understand or even appreciate art, in whatever form of style. Have I no respectable right brain throwing away this pretty, pretty, ehhhh.. pretty ceramic enameled plate. How sad could I be…. :(

So now its just there. one more dust gatherer on the desk, one more color disseminator, one more wise crack attractor....

risk

Risk means that more things can happen than will happen

- Elroy Dimson – London Business School

sauce the boss

Sauce is a good thing for kids. It gets them to eat anything. Whoever invented sauce was one of the greatest inventors of the modern era. No other invention has given mothers and fathers so much relief. It is sauce that makes the world go around. I am convinced. Sauce with bread, thepla, paratha, cheese, roti, chips, burger, fries…. What not…. Sauce is the boss.

Below is the creative I need to do to get her to eat that one more thepla.

thats a bottle that she wanted drawn with the sauce



this is the smily with specs and a frown.

I am going to start a new line of creative expression based on the humble sauce on plate. no more simple pushing the sauce down by whacking the bottle on its butt.but gently squezing the squezy bottle into designs and shapes as requested (read demanded) by Jispa

completely random thoughts

Sometimes it is fun to write in english that no one underdstadns. I wrote this mail to someone who had applied once before and though she was good we could not offer her a job. So this time around when we could be hiring again, I contacted her….
Excerpt of mail :-
We are in receipt of your CV in application to the unmentioned profile. We realize that you have been in prior consultation with us as regards your employment with us. Rest assured that we continue to hold you as eminently employable and we would look for opportunities to gainfully employ you with the services of the firm. It is in this regard we have begun to initiate our conversation with you. While there seems to be some element of doubt in our minds with respect to the profile in question, there exists a possibility of your candidature being suitable for a plurality of openings. We hope you could trust us to come back post the veils being lifted from in front of our paths. We thank you for your patience and continued confabulations. We do wish you the very best and well and hope to have a long and beneficial relationship.

Translation in English – thanks, will get back to you next week after the role is spelt out.

The other day I went to Siddhivinayak temple. Yes I am a pantheist but I still go to temples once in a while. I was telling Jasmine about the good old days with hardly a shed, a small structure, no security and no arrangements. Now they have a huge building, a huge wall, shade outside, stacked lines, lots of arrangements etc etc. they made it a small holy oasis in the middle of bustling Bombay. It’s kind of a nice place. Here is an interesting board outside the temple showing a voluptuous woman, not so well dressed. They expect women to be dressed modestly.

this is the temple cat sleeping next to the devotees at the temple.

The other thing i find extremely amusing is the proliferation of the humble silver mouse. This is the escort of the lord and is believed to act as an emissary. There is always crowd at the mouse with people trying to tell something into his ears, that he is supposed to get eth lord to grant. Now the authorities have installed two of them and kept them in a separate area where the devotees line up and have their chance at fulfillment.

We saw two movies over the weekend. One was Namesake. Nice movie. Did not lead anywhere for me. Probably will move and resonate with the NRI’s but was just a nice movie for me. Good performances. The movie was not going anywhere in a hurry, it was going anywhere at all. It was just there. I liked it though. Then the next day I saw Little Miss Sunshine. I liked that one as well. That too was going too many places, but it was in a hurry. Nice fast paced and quite funny. I liked it as well. My daughter enjoyed it as well. The people running around the bus, the guys dancing and the audience laughing. Kids feed off a lot from the environment. They understand too much but I am so sure they feel a movie much more than any of us. She did not like in Pursuit Of Happyness (sic), she could feel the environment more than anything else.

Attached is the photo of how we see late night movies with Jispa. Jispa- please see the same and experience a deep sense of sympathy for my very numb bum.

who am I

Agnostic: somebody denying God's existence is provable: somebody who believes that it is impossible to know whether or not God exists
Atheist: unbeliever in God or deities: somebody who does not believe in God or deities
Pantheist: The belief that every existing entity (humans, animals, etc.) together, is a part of God. The entire universe is divine. They do not view God in personal terms, as having a personality, having the ability to make decisions, able to interact with humans, etc.

I am not a deeply ritualistic person. I kind of like to call my self religious though. Well but not the conventional religious person. So all this while I thought I was an atheist but I suddenly discovered a word that describes me better. Ladies and Gentleman – may I present to you the humble pantheist. Clap clap clap clap….

brain food

The surest way to mind fuck is not to read two contrary books but two complimentary books. I am currently reading A journey through Jainism by MS Abhinandan and Siddhatha by Herman Hess. I read one in the morning and the other at night. how much philosophy can you tolerate at one go? The former is an account and factual narration of jain principles and history; the latter is set as a novel of a man’s thirst for truth in the time of Buddha. Full mind fuck. Rarely does one come across simple English philosophy and not the screw ball robin sharma types but deep rooted types. And to get two books together and that one happens to read then together is not something that happens often. As of this time both seem to be a cracker of a book. Let’s see how they pan out. They are quite chotu books in almost pocket size, but they are something one cant read fast. Typical process is like reading, introspection, reading, dreaming, reading, distraction and therefore rereading… something like that. They don’t finish fast enough. After this the perfect book to read would be the God Delusion. This would be a complete 360 degree view of the world I guess….. dimag ka dahi ke barabar hoga.

Also very rarely does one get four unputdownables in a row. I have been four times lucky. Lets see the fifth book… depends on what I pick up.

Reading the book on Jainism I was reading about the four simple principles, not to lie, not to hurt, not to be greedy and not to steal. Bahut hi simple hai. I figured these some time back in my life and I try to follow them. Most are relatively simple to follow except the not to lie. I am by most standards truthfull, but a few white lies come about and some real bad ones in the course of business. I don’t outright lie, but if the greater good is for the company then sometimes white lie surface and sometimes clear lies. I try to minimize but what to do. The job demands it at times. But no lying to boss, peers and bachas. Overall honesty still rules. That’s the only thing that takes you further.

when the cell phones first came out i figure that thae market for cell phones would be 100 to a 1000 cells at the most.

Now i think the BMC will soon come with a policy of sweepers not allowed to carry cell phones while they are at work.

mirror mirror on the wall

Jispa drew a picture of me and Jasmine in her school.
Jispa, i am taller than your mommy and I DEFINATELY have more hair than that and no, I dont wear earrings. AND mommy has not dislocated her shoulders... ever.
Thanks for noticing my toothy grin and my amazing V shaped torso

what a good boy am I

Yesterday was an unexpected holiday. It went like a breeze.
Not in any particular order - I met my brother for strawberry milkshake at home, made a tossed fantastic salad for wife, made a desert for her girlfriend, broomed the house (no maid), cleaned the vessels (no maid), hung out the clothes for drying (me maid), slept in the afternoon, read a book (finished it), started a new book, took Jispa to the garden, gave a lift to an old friend, folded the clothes, put Jispa to sleep, got her to eat her dinner by drawing things on her plate with the tomato sauce in the squeezy bottle, slept early, washed the vessels, had a south Indian breakfast date with my wife, ironed Jispa’s uniform and some other small stuff. Wow nice holiday.

really hot cricket

I have finally finished the travelogue which I have been writing for over two months now. It was about the Ardh Kumbh that I had gone for with my good friend Vinu. It’s definitely not any great piece of work but I loved writing it. hope I am able to write more such stuff in the future. If any of you is interested in reading it then do mail me and I would be happy to send you the pdf file.


Yesterday we had a cricket match. It was a 20 over affair. In the morning on the ground I get a call saying that some of the seniors would not be coming in and that I am the captain. With two main bowlers and two main batsmen missing, it was my job to take the team forward. Oh hell. I was not even mentally prepared for the job. I had no thoughts in my mind on how I was to take this forward. But it was fun nevertheless. I could see my maturity improving in the game. I could see my abilities improving and looking at batsmen and making field placing accordingly. In cricket as a captain I have a very strong role model. It is my captain Arun Solanki through which I owe everything. For me being eth captain was about telling each team what is expected and trying to play on strengths. We were definitely a weak team but managed to do quit a bit. First thing, since we were the minnows and we barely had 11 people turning up, the first thing was about conserving energies. No sledging and no frustration to be shown on the pitch. We had our share of dropped catches. My instructions were clearly not to scream at the guy but to go on and encourage them to be better. No kicking, no abuse, nothing, but focus on the game. The objective is not to win but to perform to your best and if that results in victory then fair enough. When you are putting on your minnow’s hat I think the game is more internal than external. You have to do your best irrespective of the surrounding or the opponent. It’s the same everywhere. Even at the job. If you are the underdog, or small fry, its pointless trying to compete with the big guys. The smarter thing is to conserve resources, take a small niche and dig deep and real hard. I love the simple V graph showing the relation between ROI and market share. The big few will have the highest ROI along with the last few niche players. The ones in between are in our jargon called the ditch. You play the ditch you die in the ditch. Therefore my goal was simple. This is just the league, not the knockout, let’s get the player to understand themselves more than anything else, play to their strengths and take back positives. Surprisingly, we ran them very close, losing by a very small margin. More importantly we went back with positives with what we achieved in bowling. We went back with amazing learning on bowling to field placings. Almost through the 20 overs I kept a 6 – 3 field placing dominating the off side. The leg side was only deep fine leg, a square leg and widish mid on. With huge leg side gaps, as Arun often said, ‘dum hai toh maar’. Play across the line. This field placing would have been butchered if the bowlers bowled short on middle and leg. But it worked like a dream. The off side cordon was within the circle almost all the time. The bowlers with the placing knew exactly where to bowl and what I expected them to do. We got wickets with people playing across the line, people trying to pierce the cordon and cutting straight deliveries and through frustration. I think as a captain, in field placings purely it was the best day of my cricketing life. Life is as simple….. get the guys to play their individual best, conserve and look to take positives, give clear and simple instructions and back for performance. You cannot place fielders for bad balls all the time. Then you have lost it before you even started. One team guy kept telling me to take point to short point and get the covers back to deep after one shot found a gap through the ring. My answer was “ek shot tha boss, that too it was not a brilliant cut piercing the infield. Weak shot. Luck got it through. Wait and see” and sure enough the guy frustrated with the infield and got out trying whacking it over.
It was also one of the hottest periods of time I have ever batted. The Midday sun was at its worst ever with the sun beating down and transforming the ground in to a steam sauna room. I went in at number four, and saw five six and seven fold up in front of me. The game was on singles with the number 8 to accompany me. We took a lot of singles and doubles. The fast running in the heat completely killed me. I had no strength left in my arms to clear the ground and for power shots. I normally back myself up to clear the ground and I have hit enough on many occasions. I hit an odd boundary when necessary but too few and far in between. The heat was just killing me. The crazy running between the wickets just finished me off. I also guess a little age is showing. I need to get much fitter if I have to prolong my cricket. Carnival 7 a side cricket will always be manageable but a 20 over full ground cricket in oppressive midday heat will be tougher if I let my fitness leave me. I might easily amongnst the fastest runner and fielder in the team but clearly the team is hardly a bench mark; I need to better myself. kuch karma padega on a regular basis. I dived to prevent my self being run out and then was happy to remain there for a few minutes. The sweat was pouring in droves. It kept getting in the eyes. I stopped the bowler on a few occasions but the sweat kept pouring. I played a few one eyed shots with my left eye blurry. It was sure tough. Its good thing that the mind kept going in spite of the body failing. More positives to take away.

I did not know tomorrow is a holiday until one of the bachas mentioned it to me at office. Earlier I used to mark out and know the holidays way in advance. Now I have no clue… oh god what a monster have I become?

right left and no harness

Last night Jispa’s stomach was aching, very mild though. I was wondering which side. So I was knocking on her tummy and asking her, here? Here? Here? Then suddenly she was looking at her thumb in the light and the she said her left side was paining. Why does she need to look at her thumb to tell me where her stomach is paining? I asked her what she was doing. She then told me that she was looking at her thumb to figure her left side. Huh? Then she showed me a small mole on her right thumb. So that’s the difference between right and left, and when she gets confused she looks at her thumb :- the mole is the right and the one without is the left. So now you know. Vinu …learn… search for a mole and if you don’t have one, get one. NOW.

Today as I started office and suddenly four men turned up outside my window. Yup. Outside my window on the 9th floor! One guy was singing away. He was trying to look inside. They are doing some renovations and that’s why they are there. Sitting outside, enjoying the breeze, not a care in the world. Pretty weird. They all had the safety harness on. But the harness was hooked on to any thing! Nothing! They had it wrapped around themselves. What the fcuk man, this is crazy. Looking at them work is giving me the jeepers.



the rope is wrapped around himself--- look closely. real shit..


While reading Liar’s Poker I read an interesting line. I quote – “I’m now convinced that the worst thing a man can do with a telephone without breaking the law is to call someone he doesn’t know and try to sell that person something he doesn’t want.”

Jisap talk plus some more random thought

Jispa did just fine in school. Yesterday she did not cry in the bus or at the school. I guess she just was crying as she fell before boarding the bus and that set her off a bit. Now all is ok. She went today in the bus happily and willingly. Good for her. Good for me. The new bus stop is giving me even more time to spend with her in the morning. We have to cross the road and I prefer using the foot over bridge. More quality time.. yahoo….so I guess I am enjoying the drop offs.

Its fun to talk stuff with Jispa these days. She figures out quite a bit and is really funny on some stuff. I have spoken before about the ten Ganapatis that are near her bed and are protecting her. The other day she told me that 16 gods are protecting her. I was like “ya? How come?” she then counted the ten Ganapatis, one night lamp with a god image on it, three of Buddha from the images formed by the spines of the Buddha series on the book shelf. That’s 14. one of the Ganapaties has an arm broken and is lying next to the Ganapati; that’s another God for her. So we have 15. Then she points to the Bob the Builder figurine next to the Ganapaties. I protest saying that’s no god. But she replies “but he is protecting me, no?” “err, yup that he is”. So that makes a grand total of 16 Gods. Now she is not scared to sleep alone. Whatever!

Once she pointed out to an ox and she was telling us about the udder underneath. My wife corrected her saying that was not the udder. So what is it? oops, well, errr, that’s the pee pee of the ox. I was driving and I decided to keep to my self…… better to concentrate on the driving I say.

I just finished off a huge bar of rich dark raspberry chocolate over two days in office. I had sent my junior on an official trip to Paris and that was one of the goodies that came back. Its such a great thing that I am the only one in the department who likes dark bitter chocolate. No body else wanted it and I loved it!!!! hehehehehehe (evil smirk)

Travelogue 70% complete….. yes yes… I am working on it yaar.

All appraisals over… mine, my bacha log, my normal boss, my dotted line boss (different types of boss a la condoms. After normal and dotted I want to see ribbed, scented flavoured, extra protection bosses. What say?)

Random SMS sent to me by a dear friend: If life was like a walnut….I’d be a squirrell :-)

random musings on day one

I don’t know. Just started my week in a terrific edgy mood. I am ready to bite the hand off someone who pisses me off, and ready to hug someone the rest of the world. Fuck man, I am really edgy today. This is in continuation of yesterdays mood. Basically, I am just so tired with being patient with shit that I have lost all energy for shit. I can now just kick hard irrespective of consequences. Not a nice mood to be in but sometimes these moods gets more work done. Just hope not too many people cross my path. After all these years and moving up shitcreek in corporate ladder life has changed soo much. My attitude and tolerance for mediocrity, crap and unwanted nonsense has changed. I was telling someone the other day that I might decide not to play politics and not hurt someone through foul play and hitting below the belt but that does not mean I am a chutia. I will get back if you try and hit me uselessly. I will not proactively hurt the other guy but, I refuse to take shit flung at my face. How simply we define our lives. Lets see today, I hope not to be too abrasive to too many people. But some just have it coming for them, just have it coming. Its just interesting to see two moods coming in together at the same time. Opposites reconciling.

Today was Jispa’s first day at her new school. She cried a bit in the bus, not wanting to go. Today her mommy and me were both present. Tomorrow it going to be only me. Daddy will have to keep a stone on his heart and use all the resources that he has at his disposal to patav her to go without crying. One will have to be extra cautious and extra smart on this one. Will let you guys know what happened.

its really tough for a dad (especially me) to send Jispa crying to school. Even more when Jasmine is there. I want to comfort her and talk to her and when the bus comes in there is time only for one parent not two, and I take a back seat. This is such a 'so not easy' thing to do.

how bored can i be in office?

restart

Sighhhh. Finally I get some time. I have been on leave the whole of last week. So no comp no blogs and no mails. I was busy the whole morning trying to figure out the optimum way to answer 200 plus mails. It was simple actually. Just start by deleting. Then by forwarding and then by delegating and lastly action. Spending time with family. Lots of fun. i just had too much leave left over in the year and decided that its really stupid to let all lapse. Better to use it up I say. So one week, no office. I even switched off the cell for a few days, read a book and relaxed. We went to a quaint little resort just off in the beach town of Manori. Jispa loved the place, the hammocks and the beach outside. Nice clean and cheap resort. I relaxed, built sand castles, bummed on the beach and stuff. There is so much to write but I can hardly clean my mind though.

As I was writing my travelogue the other day I decided to stitch the photos I had taken though the panoramic mode. Interesting results. You say. You will see people cut but then that’s becoz people move all the time. these are around 270 degrees.

kuch bhi ho raha hai

India might be seeing the highest incidence of heart disease in the world, but this is I think stretching it. I was at a cinema hall yesterday called Chitra. Chitra is a nice renovated cinema, which is not a multiplex. The ticket prices at 85 bucks are half of those of a multiplex. Pretty rational pricing. I somehow cannot bear the multiplex pricing. My favorite line on this is that multiplex’s have killed the black marketer as at their ticket price levels they are ones selling in black in any case. What will the poor black marketer do? Ya, so we sat in waiting for the movie ‘Honeymoon Travels’ to start. An advertisement slide speared that made me jump off the seat. It was of a Hospital ( I think Balajee heart hospital) whose specialty was heart treatment, namely angioplasty, angiography and bypass. What really took the cake was that the prices of each of these were prominently put on the slide as well with the bypass tipping the scales at 99,000. When did people start choosing bypass on cost basis? Interesting. Is it now become a commodity that the only differentiator is price, that one puts it upfront on the ad like Big Bazaar? Very funny. Imagine a heart hospital ad sandwiched between Gangar optics and the trailer of the next sex comedy…. The other interesting thing is choice of media.. a cinema hall? Not a multiplex but a single screen hall in middle class mumbai (dadar)? I can just visualize the fat obese consumer munching his pop corn (highly buttered of course) and watching the ad. Chomp Chomp. Can you pass the chips please?

On the movie … I don’t know what to say. I liked it. Nice and candy floss. Boman is fun as always. Lot of random things happen. Just sit back and enjoy the jokes. No take aways.

arm chair economics

Keynesian economics is pretty simple. Increase in supply reduces price and increase in demand puts upward pressure on price and vice versa. I have long been a quasi capitalist in that sense. I have believed that the market forces will make most things work and that town planning, zoning etc etc must think about market forces. Today while I was doing some random thinking about taxi stands I figured something that apparently contradicts market forces.

I hate taking the taxi at the arrivals at mumbai airport. With the airport being in the process of a getting a facelift, the taxi stand is better managed than it was before. There are no shortages of taxis at any point at the taxi stand, at any time of the day or night. There are tons of taxis in a line. In fact when the airport was being renovated the airport authorities had a smallish run in with the taxi union on parking space for the taxis. The Airport wanted fewer taxis to be parked than currently. Talking to the taxi drivers one realizes that there are clearly a glut of taxis waiting at the airport. In fact the taxis at the airport are specialists and run only from eth airport to wherever you want and they run back as soon as possible and get into the line again. In a shift of 12 hours the general consensus is that the taxi gets around two to a maximum of four passengers. Giving that the waiting time is large the average taxi can’t really get along with short fares and normal fares. So they normally doctor the meters to show a higher fare. And invariably after they realize I am a local and a regular (in other words I know the fare), they ask to pay whatever I think is right. Obviously hoping for a little more. The ricks are also the same. In fact I am still a good 150 bucks from the airport. The guys who stay very close to the airport have a tough time trying to persuade the cabs to get him home. If you actually analyze the situation, simplistically, there is upward pressure on fares due to a glut of supply. Here over supply and the resultant longer waiting lines create a contradiction of supply actually increasing the price. So theoretically if we were to regulate the number of taxis (the hand outside of the market forces) and reduce the number and therefore waiting time, we would actually get the price pressure down in this situation. Reduction in supply reduces prices here to an optimum number, till a point after which the prices would again go up due to shortage. These are some queer v shaped curves in operation here. There are obvious holes in the economic theory where in other forces must be constant and fair, like doctoring fares and taxi meter pricing and not free market forces pricing etc etc… the same logic I would also like to apply to prepaid taxis which generally charge a premium over the normal fares. If there are a large number of taxis then prepaid taxis must get cheaper, therefore resulting in lesser taxis and therefore lesser waiting time for the taxis and therefore higher return on time for the taxis that are actually ready to go at cheaper fares. That optimum number is obviously elusive but can be scientifically brought down to a range that can shift during the day depending on the study of load conditions. So the interfering hand in market forces is actually a good thing.

There are lessons to be learnt everyday…..

getting things done

Writing everyday is not so easy. what the hell am I to have as an insight that I can hope to pass on to some one or the other. I try to refrain from doing simple cut pastes. I hate quoting entire lengths of paragraphs or entire songs… so sometimes I am just lost what to write. Sometimes its just the discipline of sitting down and writing something, anything. Words flow and so does the topic build up. Sometimes I set out to write something but end up writing about something else all together. I wonder how come I have so many things in my head. Itna sara bhusa bhara kahan se? Bhagwan jaane.

Any free time I get these days is more spent trying to get my travelogue done. Which is easier said than done. The bloody thing just keeps on going on and on and on. I cant get around to cutting it short and is taking an obscene amount of time. I am flowing back and forth between things related nad unrelated. But its fun doing that. I hope when it finally comes out, it should be something that I should be proud of. I am lucky enough to capture a lot of photographs as well. They add real texture and help explain what I would have never been able to with words. Quite a nice experience. I am not so sure how I would be able to write more besides the travelogue. This alone should be enough to keep my writing keedas suitably busy and suitably tired.

I have done the performance appraisals with my team. These are all marathon sessions, each anywhere between two to three hours per person. This is after all a once in a year thing and they at least deserve all the time that they get. This is the time to air grievances. While I might be an ok guy to get appraised from, I am notoriously difficult to appraise. It all depends on my mood at the time. At times I get very docile and disinterested, like the last time around. I was not even interested in the marks my boss gave me. Dena hai toh de, nahin toh mut de. And the year before that I was almost on a war path fighting out every point and mark cut or made. Man, these things can get very very volatile. End of the day its all on my mood. Most of the time I think my attitude in office has been that I will do my job better than you expect, just don’t get in my way. Don’t ask too many questions, just tell me what you want. I almost forgot how I behave till someone pointed that out to me. He called me something like the inner child or some jargon like that. One of the things that you learn over a period of time is to execute relentlessly. There is no substitute for mindless and excellent execution. There are times in middle where you might need to pause for strategy, but most of the time, its simple relentless execution. Mind numbing pace, and always witin parameters. The way we believe we bargain, we normally get the best rate for most of what we do. We try and lower costs every year. As my colleague once caught on to what I said and repeated it till it became folklore ‘inflation is in the minds of the seller’. There is always lower costs, Always. I don’t know where my streak comes from. I was always aggressive. With age I have learned ot channel it right. Channel it internal. Channel it towards the goal.

While reviewing my kids told me that sometimes I push like mad, I drive them crazy and I follow up like mad. I transfer pressure like crazy at times. At the same time they appreciate it and believe that I make them do better. I found this funny at first and not so while thinking again, because I thought I was always the easy going types, and I was not the tough guy. I might not be the stereotyped tough guy, but I realize, that I can push on what I think is priority. I hope I don’t push people too hard and drive them over the edge. I think over a period of time I have gained by alter egos which I can call upon in times of need. This also is self analysis. I don’t know how right it is. People working under me will realize.

One thing is for sure, I have changed over the course of the last three years and am able to push myself and my subordinates like no man’s business. I have been fair and tough at appraisals, whereas earlier I used to be more benign. God knows how I have changed, what has happened. Is it for the good or is it for the worse. As a good friend who knows me from the year 2000, once told me ‘Jaimit, the innocence is now lost from your face. You have hardened and it’s showing on your face’. I did not know if that was a good thing or bad, but I know it was the truth. :)

For all I recommend a book called “execution – the discipline of getting things done” by Larry Bossidy and Ram Charan. If you just internalize the title 20 % of your life will be better. I don’t think I would have had the maturity to read and understand the same 4 years back and at the same breath I must add that I would like to re read the same after 10 years to clearly understand what more its trying to say. But basically get things done bozo. Get things done. It really left an impact on me. Whether it reinforced what I knew or whether it taught me something new, I have no clue. But a mark is there for all to see.

Old friends and triple win

Now let’s see. An old B school friend of yours is coming to your office and she (operative word SHE) is going to drop by and say hi to you as well. What do you do. Well for one, wear nice formals. The ones that make you look important. second…. CLEAN YOUR DESK. You got to look cool, uncluttered and important. hahahhaha. Ya ok, Sonali did drop by the office. She is as smart as she was 8 years ago, and by her own description, svelte. But doing all that just for her…Nahhhhh,…. Ok ok ok ok. I admit, I did clean my desk. But it needed cleaning in any case. It was long overdue. Can a catalyst be defined as a cause. I argue, as not. Your honour, I am innocent, set me freeeeeeeee.

Kya bakwas likh raha hun?

In continuation of my win win win experiments with other hapless victims. I took a cab today from my house to the station. Yesterday I took a cab home from office and it cost be around 160 bucks. While going to the station I asked him if he would go all the way to office at Nariman point for a 100. He said it would be around 130 and you could give 10 15 bucks less. So we agreed at 120. Now it was interesting to see the decisions he takes as regards the route. Some places he took the shortest route and some places he took a small detour but saved time. He maximized his time and money equation in a unique manner. It was very interesting. This way I got the best time money route to take my self in case I am driving in.
Another case was my regular taxi guy who was charging me 40 bucks everyday to get me to Jispa’s bus stop where I dropped her off and take a train to office. Now Jispa’s school going will start only in a months and a half’s time, so I asked him to come in at 7.45 or 8 am. But he already was booked at the time with someone who was going to Mazagaon every day at 7.45. So I suggested that I share some part of the journey with him. He loved the idea. Now for him the best option would be to charge be slightly less than normal, the other guy gets a discount as well, and he must be better off than what he normally would have got by a small margin. So if we assume its 100 bucks to Mazagoan and 40 bucks to Wadala. Then he should charge me 30 and the other dude 90 and therefore the taxi makes 120 versus 100 he would have got. WIN WIN WIN. Lets see what does he do.

when fooled, turn the tables

I have a firend whose nick is Goripari. She had sent me an SMS in February to keep my 29th free, as she was on the quiz show KBC and wanted to phone me on the phone a friend option. I ‘the sucker’ fell for it. This is how I weaseled my way out of the situation. I am quite cheap, I say. Following is the Google talk conversation.

goripari: I had send the msg to every one in my friends list.....not only u
jaimit: good...
cause you will realise that those who keep their 29th free will be your good friends and the rest not so
BTW , my 29th is not free
goripari: ha ha ha
jaimit: i will be very busy
goripari: :)
jaimit: so how many good friends do you have?
goripari: 3 of them called me up immediately to congratulate me ...among them one was Smita kapoor......
jaimit: hmmmmmm
goripari: after that they realised that feb has 28 days
jaimit: seee... people are so happy for you that they forget basic common sense and feel genuinely happy. these are the people who will not realise fact because happiness overwhelms them.
they are the ones who fell genuinely happy for you
they are your friends
goripari: right u are
jaimit: happiness is an emotion that come first to them, common sense later
interesting thesis?
think... again
goripari: yes very interesting....
jaimit: so who is the fool? The person playing the joke or the person on whom it is played out?
hahahhahaha
goripari: ha ha ha ha ha
jaimit: the person who cares for you or the person who cares not for the person who cares for you
who is the bigger fool
goripari: u proved its me :)
jaimit: you decide
i prove nothing
only make you think. :)
PS: nice to know i am on your friends list
goripari: ok...will definitely think over it and let you know :)
jaimit: hahahahhaahahah
dont bother tooo much
but small experiments make interesting anthropological deductions
goripari: :)
jaimit: go now, run along. You know your friends now
goripari: yes.....
jaimit: run

Ms Ray teaches us all

Sometimes by chance one meets the most amazing people. The other day when I was in Kolkata I took some time out to meet a certain Ms Ray. Ms. Ray and I first spoke on the phone when I was hunting for a book. I could not find my favorite parenting book “10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting” at home. I went hammer and tongs at all the sites searching for the same and finally called a number given at the Oxford store site. Ray picked up the call and has since then given the best possible service over phone and mail. Over a few years I figured that she is easily one of the most prompt and efficient people that I would have interacted with. While I was using her as a customer service person I saw the designation say Content Editor. I kept wondering why this brilliant content editor was taking my calls and mail. In Kolkata when I finally confronted her, she told me that she is a literature student and therefore a content editor by profession, but being in a startup kind of environment; she was handling everything and tried her best to help anyone with a query. Now some time back I had read a book called ‘positively outrageous service’ by Scott Gross. Scott’s point was that some people are naturally great at service and others not so. Some people will feel empathy naturally and some are just not it. So while interviewing it’s just smarter to separate the grain from the chaff. Ray clearly falls into the natural empathy person. I believe that the natural empathy person is the one that is required for all service led organizations. So companies in financial services, all front offices, hospitality, anything. In fact in marketing I firmly believe that the naturals will be the one who will succeed in the long run. They are ones who will feel strongly and naturally for the customers. They are ones who will never screw the customers and will make their needs and wants their own. They are the ones who will believe that service is a must, the consequences may follow. These people in any organization must be preserved and nurtured. They spread the culture by just being there, acting out their true nature. Hmmmmm. If tomorrow’s competition will be on service then the differentiator will be culture. And culture will remain in the hearts and souls of people. So dear company / division, how do you figure out what your soul is? And once you know it, can you really change it? Influence it? Can you nature enough Ms Rays(can you recognize them) in your midst to spread their postivity? Hmmmmmm.

grammar swatter

Yesterday I bought a mosquito electrocuter. It’s quite a funny contraption that is shaped like baby tennis racquet, with an electric current running through the middle. You just have to whack the mosquito and presto you have an ace. I tried it yesrday and it makes a funny crackling sound as it passes the death sentence on the poor insect. I normally don’t like killing insects but, mosquitoes and small cockroaches are an exception. More so mosquitoes. I hate them and have no qualms at all about slapping them dead in mid flight. But when you electrocute one with this it feels real bad. I just think I have to get used to it; basically the sound of the mosquito being cooked. Uuughhh….

They sell these things by the dozens at the VT subway. Then keep hitting the racquet against some green plastic fur kind of Christmas decorations. The racquets makes quite a racket, with the crackling sounds coming form the four guys trying to out noise the others in an effort to sell it. As with most, I think the guy who figured how to market the product made more money than the guy who probably invented it. The funniest thing about the racquet is actually the instructions. Let me reproduce the same without permissions. They sound funny but that’s exactly what they write… As I always said, fact is many times stranger than fiction.

Main Character:
Rechargeable Type: It furnishes 2 pcs of 1.2 V high quality rechargeable batteries which can by recharged in recycle for more than 600 times. It is quite practical and economic.
Twice speed discharge: it adopts an innovative twice speed discharge circuit which can output 2500V in a moment. So, it has the best result for result forhitting mosquito.
Electric Shockproof Net: It can kill mosquito which is sucking on human bodies but it is harmless to human. when touching the net on flat surface, without any feeling of electric shock so, it is safe for use.
Leakproof net: It consists on a special 3-layer net which can easily catch insect and never leakout

Directions:
When charging, please use AC 100-240V,50HZ power source.
Before using, please charge the batteries for 8-15 hours. They can be recharged in recycle for 600 times.
When hitting insect, you can easily kill them by just pressing it’s switch.
When the indicator twinkle,it indicate that batteries run out. Then the swatter should be recharged for 8-15 hours

Warning:
For more safety,do not press the switch or touch the ourface of the net when swatter is in charge.
Please do not finger the medium-layer net.
Please shake swatter for cleaning off the insect carcasses which remain in net. Be sure don’t wash it with water,so as to avoid shortcircuit.
The swatter may become without high-voltage or in low-voltage conditions when it absorbe damp in wet weather,the effect will be declined.Then,it can be dried by blowing with electric blower or shining with sunshine. The effect will be recovered soon.
Children must instruce under adult when use it.


Now my dear friend Vinu, who normally splits his hair over my refusal to check anything before posting will find this crazy.. heheheheheh. This was piece was tough to write and all of this is a fact and not a piece of imagination. Check the picture provided.


font of thefly swatter
back of the swatter with the brilliant instructions.

yin and yang halo

There are times when one is confused and times when the entire thing looks clear. I have had time and opportunity to think a bit during my weekend trip to Kolkatta. I have always loved the Yin and Yang philosophy. The opposite reconcile theory is also a derivative of the same. After Kolkata I am so much clearer in my mind as to why I love it. I know more about it today than I knew a couple of days back. And I feel enlightened. You might just get to see a halo around me. I want to get a Yin Tang tattoo done on my left forearm. I want it to constantly remind me of the beauty of the philosophy as I understand it.
One requires the other to be defined. While they are opposites but are not in conflict. See it from above and all seem to be one. Shit is necessary in your life, it defines what ‘not shit’ is.
Like most good philosophies, less is better. The more situations one philosophy can describe or relate to the better it is. Simpler is better.

There is so much I have in my mind but I can’t write it. But as of today I am so confident about it. Here is something from the Wikipedia about it.


Everything can be described as both Yin and Yang.
1. Yin and Yang do not exclude each other.
Everything has its opposite: although this is never absolute - only relative. No one thing is completely Yin or completely Yang. Each contains the seed of its opposite. For example, winter can turn into summer; "what goes up, must come down".
2. Yin and Yang are interdependent.
One cannot exist without the other. For example, day cannot exist without night. Light cannot exist without darkness. Death cannot exist without life.
3. Yin and Yang can be further subdivided into Yin and Yang.
Any Yin or Yang aspect can be further subdivided into Yin and Yang. For example, temperature can be seen as either hot or cold. However, hot can be further divided into warm or scorching; cold into cool or icy. Within each spectrum, there is a smaller spectrum; every beginning is a moment in time, and has a beginning and end, just as every hour has a beginning and end.
4. Yin and Yang consume and support each other.
Yin and Yang are usually held in balance: as one increases, the other decreases. However, imbalances can occur. There are four possible imbalances: excess Yin, excess Yang, Yin deficiency, and Yang deficiency. They can again be seen as a pair: by excess of Yin there is a Yang deficiency and vice versa. The imbalance is also a relative factor: the excess of Yang "forces" Yin to be more "concentrated".
5. Yin and Yang can transform into one another.
At a particular stage, Yin can transform into Yang and vice versa. For example, night changes into day; warmth cools; life changes to death. However this transformation is relative too. Night and day coexist on Earth at the same time when shown from space.
6. Part of Yin is in Yang and part of Yang is in Yin.
The dots in each serve:
as a reminder that there are always traces of one in the other. For example, there is always light within the dark (e.g., the stars at night); these qualities are never completely one or the other.
as a reminder that absolute extreme side transforms instantly into the opposite, or that the labels Yin and Yang are conditioned by an observer's point of view. For example, the hardest stone is easiest to break. This can show that absolute discrimination between the two is artificial.
7. Forces regain balance with yin-yang curves
Look at curves, where one thing is resolved with another. Our own bodies possess plenty of yin-yang curves, as do the bodies of all other organisms. Yin-yang curves can be internal (part of the physique) or external (part of the trajectory of motion). Select and adapt with curvature.

appraisal crap

I have rarely felt so much pressure at appraisal time. It’s hardly my appraisal that I am worried about. Actually not at all. It is the appraisal that I have to do for my kids that keeps me awake. How do I balance it? How do I be fair to them and the company and to myself? How do I set the standard? My personal standard might be higher but the general standards might be lower.
It really keeps me quite occupied. I am forming opinions every second as the D day comes closer. I will have to let go some of what I hold close. They will have to go through their rite of passage. They will have to evolve. Sometimes I have no clue how they would but will have to trust them to swim. They will learn only by falling. I will have ot let them fail and not hold that against them. But at the appraisal, isn’t it my duty to hold them accountable. I must do what is good for the organization in the long run. After all purely going by responsibility, I must think long term. Long term. What is needed three years down the line? How do I balance my own requirements and progress with those of the kids? How do we move in sync? I am not so worried and insecure about my self; that is something I left behind long ago, but my worry is how do I take them along with me for the long run without hurting them.
Thoda sa toh girne de

Let them fall a bit,
Only by falling will they learn,
Learn they will to rise,
High above and well beyond
I wish them all the very best
And look with eager eyes
You may not spread my name
But you will spread the style
A style that I have in some small way
Hope to put inside
Inside your brains and in your soul
To touch you in many ways
And hope that you will someday
Reap all that I meant to grow
Grow grow grow

panch ka do ya do ka paanch

In one of the Raj Kapoor movies he goes to the city and meets a banana seller. She is selling five bananas at two annas. Raj Kapoor pretending to bargain offers five annas for two bananas instead. (I don’t remember the exact numbers but the message is right). The banana seller refuses and Raj Kapoor pretends to walk away. She then figures the maths and calls him back. Our hero smiles and says, maousi, I haven’t a penny. She offers him the bananas free. And so the friendship began. Cute story. I think the movie was Shree 420 or Awara. One of those. Why am I remembering this story?
Yesterday while going home I felt a bit hungry. I stopped at the nearby tapri selling sing-chana and sukha bhel. Now I didn’t want to eat too much at the risk of filling my tummy and screwing up dinner. So I ask him, sukha bhel kitne ka? He tells me five bucks. I ask him if he could go lower and he firmly refused. NAHIN!... ok ok… I reply…paach ka de toh. Then I figured that I really did not want that much, so I tell him char rupiya ka de par panch lena. He say, “ Nahin, Sirf paanch ka milega”. I shout back, “yeda, tu pura rupiya paanch lena, par char rupiya ka hi maal dalna, mujhe kum khana hai.” I explain I don’t want to waste it. hmmmm. The bulb somewhere in his mind lit, but I don’t think completely. He was wondering if I had gone mad. He then made some, asking me if the quantity was enough. I paid him five and left. A win-win situation.
It set me thinking. Suppose if I had complicated it a bit. If I had offered him four bucks but only asked him to give me three rupees worth, what would he have done? He pay off would have been greater with a higher profit margin, I would have spent lower absolute amount of money, I would have been happy with the quantity and of course my wife would be happy that I would not waste her dinner that she prepared. What would he have done? In Mumbai the biggest cost is always real estate and must be so also for the roadside guy, after all he pays the hafta to the local goon, the BMC and the rest. It has to be a significant chunk of the cost. So given that his biggest cost is fixed he MUST try to maximize his margins.
So if I had complicated it further by offering him a choice, telling him, either give me four rupees worth at five bucks or three rupees worth at four, what would he have chosen? And if I had further given him an option to of two rupees worth at three bucks, what would he have done? As the amount grows smaller his payoffs would keep on increasing but he would be compromising his five rupee barrier. The five rupee barrier I assume is to distinguish him from the lowly sing-chana vendor and pitch him at the higher value add business of sukha bhel and higher through puts. But by increasing his margin we have him at a fix. So in effect I am keeping the one rupee premium for lower absolutes in addition to the margin that he makes on the bhel. If the premium is fixed and the margin as a percentage is intact then he must theoretically jump at the lowest offer.
I want to try this with him some day and see what he does. Doe she just ask me to fuck off or does he look at me as if I am mad or does he take the worst offer. How would his mind work, would it be rational and take the lowest offer or would it be irrational and tell me to buzz off, or would be a mumbaikar mind and assume that I am taking his case. Interesting thing this mind game might be.
Sanjeev my sister’s hubby has an interesting tale to tell. He once ordered Dahi Idli at one of the lovely south Indian joints at Kings Circle, but he loved the dahi more than the idly. So asked for more dahi. Sorry we don’t serve dahi, was the answer. Oh ok…. Ok then get me dahi idly without the idli, we will pay full price…. No.. we serve it only with the idli. Ok… then get me dahi idli with the dahi and the idli in separate dishes without mixing the two. NO… this is the only way we serve it. Oh bother…..Fact is sometimes stranger than fiction.
This should be a decent indicator of what the sing-chana vendor is likely to do, faced with the option. No wonder economics has changed since we first learnt about the rational mind and the brilliant supply and demand intersecting. This is also an example of when one can charge a premium and have the customer pay it. Finally it depends on the type of need being fulfilled. That is where the intersection changes up or down.
Bus kar yaar…. Too many economics books have gone into my head. What empty blabber. Ab mein khud pak raha hun. Will try it once on some vendor and let you know his reaction. Hehehhehehe.

Pappa pass ho gaya

We were trying for jispa’s admissions in a pretty decent school. Billed by some as the best in mumbai. The first test involves the child being interviewed by the school and a bunch of questions to be answered by the parents. Jispa passed the first test. The second round involved an interview with the parents. Now this would have been quite a thing if we had failed. Jispa could then theoretically say that she had passed but we failed. Shit man. That too for the school admission test. SO Jispa… now we have passed. Papa pass ho gay, papa pass ho gaya…. Now if you don’t make Jispa it’s YOUR fault bozo. I got you the admission; I pay the fees, ab tumhare havale watan sathiyon.

I forgot me cell phone at home today. No wonder I am getting my work done in office efficiently. No idiot disturbing me while I am doing something else, or talking to my bachas or whatever. Wow, I wish I forget my cell phone more often. Let me see how many missed calls I would have got today. Very very cool thing to happen to you. I recommend the same to every one. Do forget it once in a while, it is good for your health and importantly sanity.

more experiences

In a retail environment, why should you bother about how clean your warehouse should be? After all the customer does not walk in and will never in the ordinary course of action see your warehouse. I under stand basic cleanliness to be followed but really how clean must it be? Well. I had written about Hypercity sometime back. How I loved buying from the shop and lovely retail experience but absolutely shitty follow up. My bed was not in stock, it came late. They sent a damaged bed, then sent the proper one etc etc etc… they expected me to be in the house that I had not even occupied for the whole day waiting for the bed, as they could give me a range of time in which the bed would come. All that was fine. The bed finally arrived neatly wrapped up in small corrugated boxes. The horror was that the boxes were dirty and dusty (courtesy the warehouse) and had a few cockroaches on it. Now if we are shifting to a new house the last thing I would want is a cockroach. Imagine what I would be thinking about the cockroach coming in from Hypercity. What kind of warehouse would they be using? So now I am thinking, does their food warehouse suck as bad. So they have armies of cockroaches there as well? Hmmm.. The experience is always end to end. One must take care of the same from the very beginning till the very end. The last time I put a post on it, a very sweet lady contacted me from their PR agency Ipan – Shaila Pais. Poor thing tried to understand the problem and promised to solve it. I don’t think she could do much. I guess the problem is form within or from the top. One must care about the customer as a part of culture not some random mission statement. But at least she called. At least she had a simple thing such as a blog alert and she responded to it. A couple of days back I posted something about Café Coffee Day with a picture of their employee sleeping on the sofa without his shirt. No contact from the company. What am I thinking dude? What am I, the customer, thinking?

be my valentine

Hmmmm. Today is Valentine’s day. Its been around 15 years now that I have been ‘officially’ going around with Jasmine. We officially started going around on 3rd Feb 1992. wow… that’s a looong time. I dunno how valentine’s day isthese days in college. In my days liberalization just started and Valentine’s day was picking up. It rapidly gained significance as we passed the years. Cards were big time in fashion. Every one who was any one was giving each other cards. People proposing to each other on Valentine’s day. Oh bother… why wait for a special day. When you fell like just go ahead and say it. That’s what I did. I remember distinctly that fluorescent colors had made their entry as hep and happening colors. So all the cards had fluorescent covers. The chicks used to get a lot of cards from their suitors. For some reason the chick believed that the guys were all smucks and I saw so many cards being torn in front of the poor boys proposing. Man that broke my heart. The poor kid had mustered all the courage and said what his heart spoke. I remember how my heart pounded when I first spoke to Jasmine. She handled it very well. Why cant chicks be like that these days. The other chicks with lots of cards couldn’t dare take them all home. The college was littered all over with small bits of yellow and green fluorescent papers, bearing mute testimony to the hidden or unrequited loves. The street beggars also would figure that love is in the air and would make their two pennies selling roses.
I wonder what my good friend Vinu used to do on Valentine’s day. He was always above this ‘girl thing’ and ‘love thing’. He probably just saw all this tamasha and must have got even more pissed off. It didn’t take much to piss him off. He was the angry young man always. Hmmm. Why don’t I remember his reactions? Funny.
Today morning I reminded my wife that we have had 15 years of togetherness. We hugged and we just smiled. After 15 years it doesn’t take any words to talk to each other. We just know. Today kids have options like I am going around but not committed, I may or may not marry, I am just going around, I broke up with the guy etc. I have never understood that and probably never will. Jasmine and me were together for keeps from the very first moment. Breaking up was not an option. Not marrying was not an option. So I never had to propose marriage. It was a given. Funny thing it sounds like now.

Helll… pink and red is the color of the season. We have been asked to wear that today. They have decorated the entrance to the office with red and blue sashes. They miss the point. Putting a heart and some chocolates on every desk might do the trick, a simple satin ribbon here and there might build better mood. Three card to all for them to distribute in office to some one they appreciate might be better valentine. But hell. Go on.. something is better than nothing. Make my day. I am wearing a red checks shirt today, where are the lovely Valentine’s? Bring them on.. I am waiting!

picture dekh

Kutte ki tarah travel aur kaam kar raha hun. I as usual have bitten off more than I could chew and resultant loss of time to write my own blog is quite depressing. But fear not, I am back in action. I have had hardly any time these days, to do what I want to do. My travelogue sis also suffering. There I have written till I reach Allahabad and the journey of word has stopped. I WILL COMPLETE THE FREAKING THING> AND WILL DO IT SOON! I PROMISE, by the masters of the universe… tanannananananna. Whatever.

I was dying to see a English movie. Any English movie will do. And I also promised that I will see it in a normal big theatre ( read not a multiplex), so we go to Regal Theatre and see the only movie that suits our time ‘The holiday’. Kafi timepass picture hai. Full Candy floss, heart shaped chocolate kinda movie. Uuuuuu. Cho Chweet shit. But very very bearable with a few smiles thrown in. Diaz is cute, but I figure she is aging and it shows on her eyes. Why do actress’s in Hollywood typically come into lime light at 30 / 35 and then try to age gracefully. Indian movies like them younger… ya so, jasmine and me enter Regalt o the familiar smell of ….. well ‘Regal’. It just smells different and the same after all these years. We have seen so many movies here. In the old days the big cinema halls were Regal, Sterling, Eros, New Empire and some times New Excelsior. No multiplexes were constructed then. The ticket price when I first saw a movie with friends and not mom and dad was Rs 7 for the stalls at Regal. The movie I think was Project X or Project A. It was a Jackie Chan fight buster. I still remember the movie and the Jackie Chan slow mo stunt replays. Very very happening. We took a tenner from dad. 3 bucks was the kings circle – VT return fare. One way was 2 bucks and if you take a return ticket you got a discount of a buck. We then walked from VT to Regal and back. No money for frivolous expense like pop corn and Simba Chips. We were in a socialistic economy you see. Now the bloody multiplexes charge 150 for a ticket. SO I was feeling quite proud to see this one for 70 bucks in stalls. I was telling Jasmine that ‘ feels good nah, same old cinema, same old bucket seats, quite comfortable no, same old vinyl flooring, same old smell, and wow lovely leg room, large screens…’ nad she suddenly gets up. Shit. Now what? There was a nail in her seat. Oh come on, just a small nail. The money we save will buy another pair of jeans from Basu. Basu is the jeans maker from my college days. You go to his shop, choose your cloth, your fit and he customizes the jeans for you all for a pricley sum of 350 bucks. My wife loves it because of the fit. I get my cotton trousers from there. I love the guy as well. Coming back to the Regal. The poor helpful attendant drove the nail in with his torch and we saw happily ever after. I prefer the Regal experience to a multiplex. Call me old fashioned but I just love the good old theaters, reasonably priced. One thing I missed at Regal was the Softy ice cream cone. No such luck. But at least I got to eat my favorite salty caramel mix pop corn! Yipeee. I first ate the stuff from the guy inside Sterling.

bad dad, good dad

I am normally quite patient with Jispa. I can take n number of tantrums and normally scold her only to get her to listen. She has had this nasty habit of suddenly turning wild and angry without warning. If we sometimes try to do something like, remove her socks, choose her shirt etc (innocuous things), she will at random throw a fit, cry and scream. Absolutely random. I keep trying to tell her that I understand her crying if she tells us and we don’t listen to her, but we when we do listen or are talking to her she must not throw an ‘instant random’ fit. The other day we were at Jasmine’s mom’s place and we were going to the market. Jispa wanted to join us but was throwing fits left right and centre. I was patiently trying to explain, talk and getting her ready. I offered to make her wear the shoes which she agreed. While I was talking and making her wear her shoes, she threw a random fit screamed and kicked her legs. (Reason she wanted fasten the Velcro tighter) Her legs kicked my face and whack, I lost it and she got one across her cheek. The room fell silent. This happened on Saturday. The slap was with a soft hand and not a tight one, but I am sure she got a bit of pain. There was a mark on her cheeks for the next ten minutes. This was the first time I have ever hit her. Normally I only look at her or threaten to hit or just in rare times I raise my hand just to show dire consequences. I don’t believe in hitting a child too much. So this time my instinctive reaction made me feel miserable. As I was analyzing later, I felt a bit justified in slapping her. She would need to learn to first talk / ask before throwing fit. I have no problems with fits, I can ignore and live with fits, tantrums and the rest. But throwing one especially when I am listening and talking is just not acceptable. Was she too young to understand this? I don’t know. But evidence after slap goes to show that she got the point and is talking a lot more. And hell most of the time I accept what she says, to the point of me thinking that I might spoil her. So that’s the anatomy of the slap. A dad’s gotta do what a dad’s gotta do.
Also I realize that getting angry and scolding need not be a long drawn out affair. I immediately hug, talk sweetly and love her seconds after our fight. I believe in high impact when required and quick reversals post that. No point nagging and prolonging fights. Get point across and carry on.

experiences CCD

I think the blog can be a great place to share some consumer experiences. Today let stalk about a really bad one at Café Coffee day. I started lecturing again at Jai Hind, so I was exiting VT station at 8.08 am and was running towards Churchgate for Jai Hind. I was pretty sleepy so I decided to get a coffee at the CCD at VT. I was glad to see it open. I enter to see one of the employees sleeping on the couch. Thank you to the inventor of the cell phone camera. See the photo below. Bloody hell, he was sleeping without his shirt on.

Someone has to tell CCD that you get the bloody café up but it requires some effort to keep the ambience going. After all people are not paying 35 bucks for a 5 ruppee coffee. They are paying for the whole experience. But the ordeal does not stop there. I ask for a take away. The hero makes it and gives it to me, but with one crucial element missing. ‘Sir there is no lid’. What the fuck. No lid for a take away. And you tell me after the coffee is made and after I am made to wait for 5 minutes. 5 minutes are an eternity on the morning where the world is rushing to everywhere. He then figures and says ‘ but I can put foil on it’. huh… ok just give it with the foil then. He puts the foil and a rubber band. Really crude. And I rush off. I make a small hole for the coffee. I have to drink it right? The foil tears more than required. While walking I spill a little on the lovely formal pin stripped shirt and really get pissed in the morning. Bloody pain. I should be suing them for like a million bucks. But I guess these service chains will get to their own demise very soon. I don’t need to bother with what will eventually die out. Yes it’s a prediction. CCD will die a death very soon. Its ok to start a chain but it tuff to keep the level of service and quality day after day across all outlets. Obviously they do not really invest in training, upkeep and maintenance. I don’t think they figured this out yet. Good luck to them.

new car old car

My wife banged her car. Actually she just scraped it from the side and the side rearview mirror .. well… is now resting on the back seat. So am I to get angry. Heck no.. I was laughing. It happens to all. She is actually I think a better driver than me. She gets more mileage than me for sure. I might just be a good speedster. But a good speedster does not a driver make… But Jispa, if you are reading this please note: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE THE CAR AND BANG IT ANYWHERE! Wife is ok, but daughter’s banging cars is a no no :)

This Sunday Jasmine unearthed a Frisbee. Not just any Frisbee, but a proper certified Frisbee, certified by the Frisbee association of the World or something like that. Jispa was at some dance practice so Jasmine and me played some amazing Frisbee at the ground behind. It’s a good sport when you are running around and throwing difficult catches. Now to figure out a way to keep Jispa away for two hours on a weekend.

we still shit

In our new house we got a very interesting servant ' devki' . This one is a loud mouth and would love to get into fights and arguments over nothing. I think her whole aim in life is to shout and talk loudly. Every time she has to tell my wife that ‘I am not supposed to wipe the vessels’, ‘I am not coming at night’, ‘why do you use large vessels for a small family’. She even talks to the vessels, ‘don’t fall’, ‘stay there’. She mumbles and grumbles all the time. But I think she’s kinda ok. I give this huge smile and she does not know how to react. I don’t think she expects people to smile at her. The other day she was forced to smile back. Haha.. she is, I think, not bad at heart. All you have to do is talk in a very calm tone and then she has to sober down…she is complete timepass.
The other day she ordered water for drinking from the workers (who were doing up the flat) next door. My wife asked her the reason. She said that many people in the building let her drink water only from the tap and not the filtered water. What the hell is that for??? Bloody bastards. My wife was also dam pissed. She told her that whenever she wanted she could have water from the water pot like us and that she could use any of the glasses that we use. She can make her own tea as well if required. I just can believe that this shit still happens in Mumbai and that too in decent localities. I guess this nonsense of treating people basis class will get more and more prevalent. Move over caste, its class that reigns supreme. But it just boils my blood every time I think of it. Separate glasses for servants I am ready to even concede but separate water! Bastards.

Another funny thing happened in the train while commuting. An old man in front of me suddenly decided that this is the best time for exercise. He started doing pull ups in the running train with the handles. Its fun to see him and even more to see the reaction of the fellow commuters. The first time he did it, people looked, but good mumbaikars are not prone to showing too much emotion or surprise. The second time no one even lifted their gaze. God knows what goes on in their minds. Are they busy thinking of their own problems, or are they just dismissing the man. hahhahah.

Here I clicked a couple of photos of the guy doing his thing. You decide.

here he is pulling himself on top. old man with a Nehru topi

Also notice the same man with his feet above the ground. notice the sports shoes and the Cargo pockets to go along with the Nehru topi and the safari'esque get up.

power

Yesterday I experienced a complete power moment. Wowie. Jispa’s school had some problems in getting the ICSC certification and the parents have met a few times, between themselves and with the management to sort this out. Now most of the time this nonsense degenerates in to confusion and no consensus is ever built, with rarely any go aheads. Very few have the power of voice to silence everyone and the ability to build consensus. I have managed to get the group on previous occasions to move ahead and take steps of action and common sense. This time the meeting was at 6 and I was late due to office shit. I entered at around 7.30 pm. I walked in and walked a few steps.. and…suddenly there was a murmur in the crowd. Heads turning and looking at me with a sigh of relief, heads nodding my presence, welcoming me, urging me almost to take charge of the situation. Mothers telling, come on, we needed you. Almost as if energy flew from me. Hahahahah! That was easily one of the biggest power moments in my life. Ajsmine who was there from before also felt it. Around 80 people and huge impact by merely walking in. I realized after the meeting was over that this was due to the fact no one was able to build action points and take charge. People, people, people… get them together and they lose all common sense. But thank god, I have enough sense to not let it get to my head too much. A little heady is ok, but no inflated egos. I have always maintained that your biggest strength is going to be your biggest weakness. And this is due to you using your strength one time too many. Conserving strength is the surest way to strengthen it! What say?

These days I am working on the travelogue and it making it difficult to write daily. Lets see. Its turning out to something I personally like. Complete self trip.

so much for womens liberation

As I said earlier that dropping Jispa everyday in the taxi is great fun. This is probably the only time that she and me get to talk. She normally acts dam funny when we ask about her school. Especially when Jasmine is there. She hardly ever tells. She hates to tell what happened, what she learned, what she is doing. But in the taxi early in the morning she now talks to me on what she is doing in school, what her teacher says and what the class is doing. It’s a five – seven minute ride so it’s only the highlight package that I get to hear. But then that’s enough I guess.

Right now she learns concepts in school. She is learning the concept of aeroplane. One of these days she has to go to school dressed up as an airhostess. That was fine. But then she told me that she and some girls are going to be the airhostesses and some of the boys will be the pilots. Now that got me a little irked. Why would the bloody school be reinforcing the stereotype? So I told her that girls can be pilots and the guys can also be ‘air hostesses’. They are called stewards. so I told her that she could be the pilot if she wanted to. She did not take that kindly. She told me that she wanted to be an airhostess. It was more fun giving out ‘khotta’ (fake) food. But I said you should be what you want to be. You could be a pilot or an air hostess. Be what you want. In some planes that I traveled in the men were serving and the women were flying. She firmly told me – ‘It is more funny being and AIR HOSTESS’ …ok ok princess… fine… so much for breaking stereotypes. Screw you ... do what you want… and when you grow up read this and enjoy!

Now to diligently set out time everyday to write the travelogue. Lets see, I must wrtite it before I forget too much. I wrote a lot of notes but still fresh is fresh.

My desk has also grown its greeting card collection. Now to make it stable is a fresh challenge.

quality time; at 4 am?

No I am not lost, no the kumbh did not kill me and no I did not find my long lost brother / twin/ triplet. Oh I’m Alive……

Wow. Any place which lakhs of people believe in becomes holy purely by the power of faith. The Ardh Kumbh experience was brilliant and to twist what most travelers say about India - everything you heard about the Kumbh is true and the opposite is true as well. I have made notes and I hope to write a small travelogue on the entire experience. So I am not writing too much now. Watch this space for an ill written travelogue.

One thing is there – I definitely got home sick. Too much for a three day trip I guess, but what to do. I miss my family a good deal. And they went and saw Happy Feet without me. That too in the dome theatre. Jispa was telling me about it in the taxi ride to her bus stop.
Dropping her to the bus stop is 15 minutes o quality time. Nice thing it is, talking to her about random things. Today was a nice cool day. So waiting at the bus stop she was feeling cool, and that’s a good thing, cause that’s when she wants to cuddle up. So today I did what my dad used to do. I rubbed my hands hard together making them warm and then warming her hands, legs and face. Very very cool. Her friend Aanya also enjoyed the whole thing. Then she tried to rub her hands together and tried to warm me. Full TP.

One more incident. My wife actually was drying the clothes at 4 am. Don’t ask me why. please ask her.

hindu electricity

Kumb mela is the stuff of legends. Hindu movie legends that is, the place where you lose your brothers. So I guess every time my brother gets on my nerve its time to visit the Kumbh mela. I might just be able to lose him once and for all. Oh the joy of separation for 14 long years. The joy of meeting him after 14 years, the joy of saying hey 14 years were fun , hope you had a hard time!. Heheheheheh. I can really get sadist I guess. But I have no doubts that as kids my elder bro would have loved to do the Kumbh on me :) Hmmmm. I have booked and packed my bags for the Ardh Kumbh this year to Allahabad. I am leaving on Thursday and will be there for just three days, catching the big dip on the 14th, which is the makar sankranti dip. Supposedly a hugely cleansing dip. Uggh, the only part of my body that is going to wash away the sins I guess is my big toe. I guess it needs the cleansing as it has sinned many times by kicking people’s butt. But more importantly, I am soo dying to see the multitude of people, our ‘holy’ men, the aura, the atmosphere. Any one who has seen the aarti at the ganga banks in Varanasi and Haridwar will testify that the whole ritual, the spectacle, the energy building up for the climax is just extremely exciting. The build up is nothing short of spectacular. The people waiting, the Pujari with confident attitude, knowing he is the hero of the show, and there are millions watching, praying; looking at him and believing him to be a messenger to the Gods. The murmur before it starts and the cacophony at Haridwar where bells go off all over the place, wooden paddles banging the brass plates, people singing, and the jai gange maataa aarti blaring over the loudspeakers. And not to forget the really large aarti diyas, with the helper constantly pouring cool Ganga water on the pujari’s hand, lest the heat scald him. Oh wow… man I soo love it. There is something to the place. I dunno if it is in any way holy, but the faith of millions together believing it to be holy makes it so. Five thousand people together (at least) praying, lighting diyas, believeing, singing, anticipating…. That itself makes for electricity. The place also makes for lovely photography and moods. I hope to catch some part of the Kumbh in similar light as well. Hope, these are not dashed. Badi aarzo liye jaa raha hun.


this photo is of Haridwar ghat where there are all bathing before the aarti begins. this is just one part of the crowd this next one is of the aarti in full progress with the large aartis. this is the main idol aarti.
Now this one you will see tons of diyas all over the place. again this is only a part of the jumboree. Notice the camera phone in the picture trying to take a video of the aarti. I just love the opposites reconciling in the picture.

application application application

“It is not enough to have good intelligence” Descartes wrote: “the principal thing is to apply it well”. Bang on insight.

Good intelligence will help you get great hindsight. One would be able to deconstruct the entire situation, explain what went wrong, how could it have been better. Great for teachers and researchers and the general fartists. Don’t get me wrong I think its great, intellectual masturbation is probably a great thing. I do it all the time. It makes you look very very smart in front of others, but also do get me right, its important to differentiate masturbation from the actual thingie. You can’t substitute or subsist on it alone. Great analysis alone need not lead to great work.
Application of intelligence leads to foresight. The ability to learn from mistakes in a way so as to not repeat them is what makes the cut. Every one makes mistakes, the stupid ones make them twice and the real bad idiots make them three times. One is excusable, two is food for thought and three is – ‘shoot the bastard’. Foresight is what will take you places, and that only come by consistent application and constant learning. It comes not just by reading tons of books but by applying some of that logic somewhere.

Afterword: the more I read Gandhi, the more I love his philosophy, parts of it of course. Hmmm… interesting to see how it shapes up and how one is able to apply it in real life situations.

faltu stress

Examinations are a pain. I still get night mares about not being adequately prepared for the school and college exams. I get remind my self that I am old enough and have passed the exams. But that does not stop them from coming back. I sometimes wonder the kind of stress kids get put under to perform at the exams. Post the exam results the blame will solely be in the kid, but the hell was the parent doing in the first place? I guess parents must take around 50% of the credit of the marks that the kids get and by that logic take 50% of the blame. So next time a kid gets punishment for bad exam performance, the parent must be made to endure 50% of the same. What say?
Speaking of exams, I just felt like I gave one the other day. Jispa’s school admission was on in a prestigious school in BKC. While Jispa was taken in for her test (some kind of play way thing) we were given questions to answer. Man I felt that after a long time I was being put to the test. And I had to handwrite couple of answers after a real looong time. That too, with no spell-check and neat and clean writing. Boss…. Was it stressful? My fingers felt the stress in just about 10 lines. Heheheh. I am so used to typing as opposed to writing anything long… some day I think I will just forget how to write long sentences at all. But it was good fun given the answers. The vast number of books came to my rescue. I was not so surprised to remember some key points from readings and adapt them for the answers. Felt good. Now lets see, either I get thru because the answers seem so smart or I get rejected out right for getting farty. Nothing in between.

Many times in a queue for the bus I wonder how many does it take to break a queue and breakout of anarchy. Many times just one. And all suffer from the resultant anarchy. The discipline of being in a line irrespective of one odd person breaking it will result in all benefiting. Hmmm. Everybody thinks let me benefit first by getting in early, a little early mind you, and everybody suffers. And stepping into a crowded double-decker bus is easier said than done. Only those in mumbai know what a pain it can get as the step is too high and there is almost nothing to hold on to except at the edges.

Sleep well

Jispa has been sleeping alone for around a month now. Ever since we shifted into the new house. Many times I tuck her in. The other day while I was putting her to sleep she asked “why am I sleeping alone?” oops… difficult question…. “because I am four years old, and I will become five years old?” … hmmm.. Should I answer yes? But then a stroke of inspiration. “Who says you are sleeping alone” I point to her teddy bear by her side. “These are also with you” I say pointing to the ten terracotta ganapatys’ by her bed side. I like to call it her terracotta army. Hmm. She smiles as she points to some thing. “Yes and of course there is Bob the Builder as well” I say looking at the figurine overlooking her bed. Very nice. She continues her dazzling smile and closes her eyes. Another score for fatherhood.

I really miss her sleeping with me. The soft cuddly of girl all contracted in the frog pose as she feels cold. When I hug her while she is asleep “Papa” she says “if you hug me I can’t sleeeep!”. Bum..If I don’t hug you I can’t sleep. But then I just put a blanket on her and she straightens up and sleeps. Only to throw it all away – actually kick it and sleep again in the frog pose. Finally when in morning she is 30% awake will she come in and sleep in a hug. Sigh. I would like to freeze time.

melody khau khud jaan jao

The first blog of the New Year must be funny…. Says who?..... Arree…The first thing you do / write in the New Year will set the tone for the rest of the year….. Ya? Is that so? ….. Of course. That’s why we party into the New Year and have tons of fun hoping we carry it all into the year? …..Hmmm. but don’t we mostly get drunk at these parties and embrace strangers and profess false love?...... Arree. but we also spend the part with people with love…… Hmmm. Is that so? ……Yes of course, that’s why the new year is so important and the first things we do set the tone. Haven’t you heard, well begun is half done?.......... Acha, so then I am basically screwed…… Why? What happened? ……Well nothing. Bhagum bhag is the first movie I saw this year. aaaggggghhhhhh…… Oh god man you are screwed. Kuch nazar wazar utarna tera. Teri toh band hai. full shot picture hai woh….. I know. Tell me about it. I spent 350 bucks on it! if that is truly the tone of the movies to come then I am done for. This is one of the rare comic movies that I have not even laughed once at. Even a movie like No Entry I remember laughing around twice. But this one drew a zilch. Kya shitall movie tha… man. tu sach bolta hai… merit toh abhi pure saal ki waat hai. I will have to atone for this sin.

Acha ek baat bol… bol… yeh subah subah people scene rocks yaar…. As in? … I have never understood one thing…. What? … in the morning the guys who are all dressed up in formals and saris etc are literally running…. And? .... the guys who are all dressed up with sneakers and shorts are the ones ambling along? Aisa kyun?... hmmmm. Bindu. .. Bindu?... as in point, man….haan, toh yeh opposites reconcile wala maamla hua nah?... Chandra maa bindu… Chandra maa bindu?... as in good point, man…. aaagh, saaad joke yaar but still better than the movie… toh kya? Maarte rahun kya?.... main tere ko maaru. That will be the perfect start to the year… hmmm. But two questions…. Haan puch?.... (1) Can a man actually hit his alter ego? (2) melody itni choclatey kaise bani….