the big boss

This is really funny. It couldn’t wait. While getting bored in office I did a random google ego search on my name. One of the links that popped up was a Businessweek site. Yup the official Businessweek site. Not just was I listed there but I was listed as amongst the key executives of the firm. What a laugh. Everyone I showed it to spontaneously burst out laughing. It is hilarious.


Here look at it. The screen shots as below. On the second shot you will see the names of the executive directors who are like my boss’s bosses. It is so funny.

I am thinking of framing this.

lottery ke bazaar mein

I am livid. Price of three tickets for a late night show – Rs. 540. Cost of two pop corns – Rs. 140. Price of a soup and rice ordered to our seat – rs. 220. Total cost of movie value – rs. 900. not including opportunity cost of sleeping/ watching other movie/ reading… etc.


The returns – absolutely ugly. Movie in question – ajab prem ki gajab kahani. What a yar(w)n. The old lot of directors should just retire. Old jokes, ugly locations, bad camera work, jumpy editing, horrible acting, clichéd dialogues, crotch crushing, electrocuting, bumpkin behaving…. This movie had it all.

I was telling Jasmine that at my age (34) I am not going for any bollies (bollywood movies) directed by anyone older than myself.
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Its that time of the year again. People clamouring for admissions to Jispa’s school. Since we are amongst the elite (lottery winners) who already have admission we get into consulting mode on how to crack the lottery. Which numbers to buy and which to avoid. Which shop must you buy the lottery from, which time of the day we bought it etc etc… they have a session where a question is asked of the parents, the answer to which they pen down. I was on high alert these two days. I warned my wife against telling anyone that I helped some close ones in answering these forms. The stress that is built up is amazing. I can’t handle this anymore. The pressure on choosing the right lottery ticket to buy is amazing. One would need to conjure up all the luck in the world every single time.

It was good that we had no clue it was such a big deal when we had to go through it. We went through it like a breeze. Not knowing the implications of rejection is the best defence against rejection itself. Fun is so important an attribute for success.

this is it

I never thought of myself a Michael Jackson fan, but something in me wanted me to go to the ‘This is it’ concert movie. It is a behind the scenes footage of the rehearsals for the ‘this is it’ concert tour.


I have had this theory for sometime. People generally identify and stay with the music they grew up to with the tastes and style preference getting stuck from their teens. I don’t think post 22 you can really change your preferences. I think this is true for most of us. I have used this to great effect when we had bands playing at some of our client meets. I used to instruct the bands to play the right era as the right boss walks in. As long as the boss likes the song, so will the audience.

I forgot this simple rule while I went for this concert movie. Suddenly all the MJ hits came at me as a blast from the past. I found my feet tapping and the emotions running. Absolutely awesome. Black or White, thriller, heal the world…. A lot of this was the music my elder brother and sister used to listen to. In the older ear of one two in the in the house, I would get no time for my music. Hence the concept of my music did not develop. I just heard and graduated from my sister’s music – pop to my brother’s music which moved from pop to rock to hard rock. Hence there is no rap in my emotional arsenal.

Now while I would have not have touched Michael while in college, I had outgrown him, (more like out ‘cooled’ him); I found my self loving his music and his style… as I write this piece, I am listening to some of his best songs. This paragraph started with the guitar start piece of black or white and my heart just jumped a few notches in beat speed. The awesome dance moves with the crotch movement… oooo…aawww… grunts through out the song.

Thriller in 1982 was all that was west and all that could not be had in India. You could only have smuggled cassettes of Thriller and the thriller video was watched only by the priledged few. Many years later I remember watching the black or white video as it released world wide for the first time on a classy program called “the world this week’ on doordarshan. That was the first program that allowed India to see world news and video clippings. Thank you Prannoy Roy. He did comment on the irony of the lyrics while the video featured a considerably whitened MJ. I remember the video being the talk of the town in being the first time computer graphics were used in this manner. It dazzled the world and definitely my neighbourhood cricket club. We spoke about it in awe for a long time later on this. Besides the awesome graphics the big India highlight was MJ dancing next to a bharat natyam dancer. It was one of the first real India shiny place in the world. Haha. India believed it had arrived. So what if we have poverty and starvation, we have culture and see... see… even the west is now beginning to acknowledge.


Also while he dances with the Indian there are polluting factories in the back ground. Do I have to read too much into it?

B&W video here

you too can win

Here are some photos of the training program that best elucidate the principles behind our success.

The lounge set up. While other teams had an official looking room, complete with tables and chairs as their war room, we had a lounge set up in ours. This contributed significantly to the fun element and the relaxed atmosphere. Learnings to take to office - Please tear out the tables and the tight arse chairs from all conference rooms.

This is a pictoral representation of our philosophy – you too can win. It means everyone in the board room is right and that anyone is equally capable of outstanding thought. Did you get it from the picture. Fret not. I didnt either.

Deep. Really deep strategic thought.

Me trying to draw  conclusions (sad pun intended). When you can’t think without a marker and a board, then you have officially broken into top management.

This one team member is trying hard to keep her strategic direction right while the PJ’s flow.

If you make the official court jester laugh, you better be funny; or really really sad.

While the strategic direction was missing, the inspiration was out of the window. While he learnt to use his new SLR, he accidentally shot a nice pic. He was trying to get the brown statues behind. Where are the statues? I told you its an accidental pic. But you don’t argue with genius do you. It IS a nic pic.

This was supposed to be a funny pic for a group photo. Someone said be funny, so I decided to give some uptight ones a ‘push’. Another sad pun intended.

But on a serious note, this training program taught me the value of laughter (a sad attempt at another figure of speech – this time The Paradox). Thank you dude. I dont think the others really caught on to our secret. even after telling them, and presenting it as such.

training your sights on....

Training programs are like books. Even the worst ones will teach you something. I just came back from one marketing modelling one. The prof was an ex Unilevers guy with a strong theoretical base in research. His research bit was good but his marketing bit was a quite a let down. Anyone who gives examples from a Kotler marketing text book that is at least 15 years old is an issue. I wonder why people refuse to acknowledge that the world has moved on and upgrade themselves accordingly. It would have also helped to have stuck to core subjects in which you have obvious expertise. You are not teaching kids. Some of us are practioners with ten years of hard core experience.
But not all hope was lost. We had some really funny guys coming from MTV. That was some redemption. We had a character called Shantanu who is much smarter than he would like to admit. While it would kill him to admit as much he did get some of the stuff faster than others in the room. Add to that an outstandingly irreverent sense of humour, the three days went off far better than most training I have been to.
Of course it did help that he and me were in the same team trying to blast the others in the marketing game.
One realisation that has dawned upon me in recent years is that one need not be ready to win at all times. Relax and have fun while you are at it. Our team was the funniest of all. We were also the simplest of all. We did not do too much excel analysis, we had no issues with dissension and we had no arguments on way forward. I think the fact that we allowed for every one to have an opinion and the freedom to implement it was what worked. Whenever someone had a strong view we ensured that we did not go ahead till he was convinced on the decision we took or we took his word forward. We had some teams voting and some teams fighting and some teams pointing fingers, while we laughed like crazy with no such pointing contests. We had inherited in the game a bloated sales force which we did not trim as we had a parsi in the team who thought its not nice to fire. We agreed on a pricing strategy and closed conversation because the lights flickered. What’s that got to do with pricing? Nothing by itself and everything if you believe it was the message of god. When numbers came for every period, the only real thing I saw was sales and most importantly closing stock. If that’s good then you are doing a fine job. We quickly realised that there are four distinct segments and that there should be four distinct positions. Once we got that going, we didn’t change a dam thing.
The thing to learn in real life is that it’s really not so complicated. Look at a few figures you can understand and those that are fundamentally important. Rest will follow. It pains me to see so many people paralysed by analysis.
We were open about our serendipity at the post games presentations and I hope the others figured out that it’s not really that complicated. Like I was telling a younger contestant - most of the time you probably know the answer when you first have a look at the data, but when you anlayse it too much, think of creative methods, etc etc… you probably miss the wood for the trees.
Marketing or even strategic decisions are often common sense. A simple analysis should show you the broad direction, and a thumb rule might be that if it takes too much to understand then it is just that – too much to understand.
Another thing that comes with age is that you get to go for more and more places where you are the average spoiler. It is great fun to see what makes them tick and what works and does not for them. Meeting young minds is as important as meeting older ones. One tells you what was, the other, what will.
A case of opposites reconciling?

like I was telling the HR - the training was good, but for the wrong objectives.

and ya... did i tell you. we outsold everyone and got some huge brand shares and remained highly profitable. Trainers dont like to declare winners, but I reckon we won.

writers blog?

Getting a writers block for blog? Well it’s ok… I am not calling myself a writer but I can’t help it if I am suffering from a writers block. What to do… block hai toh hai.
Tomorrow I am off for a training session on marketing to lonavala’s northpoint. I am not a big fan of training sessions. They are normally quite boring and don’t really offer too much. Add to that my ego and arrogance of working for the world’s best marketing brain – Dharen Chadha. So it’s going to take some doing for me to be ‘trained’. Those this time around I am a bit excited. It is a marketing simulation program run on computers where one would be constantly at it doing something. So I guess it’s probably a good thing. I have always wanted to check out these games if they really do make sense and are not simply designed for failure. Some management games leave you with such a cheated feeling that one wonders the point of all these games. You don’t need to cheat people with unsolvable problems to give them a lesson.
And I sure hope we don’t have any of these really boring booze parties in the evening where everyone gets piss drunk trying to network with each other. On the subject of networking, I just remembered to take my visiting cards for the training program. I am definitely not taking my laptop and acting superbly busy. But I have my black berry to bury my snooty nose into if the conversation gets too boring. I could pretend to be checking mails while I am busy creating the highest score while breaking a ton of bricks. Creating and breaking in one sentence! Is that an example of creative destruction?
But I hope to be suitably impressed to be writing my blog from there. I have never blogged off location. The office time is too precious not to be blogging and the rest too precocious to be…

On that slightly witty note, by my standards at least… see ya in office on Monday.


The PS note: we had some of Jispa’s friends over on Sunday. They were being parked between two parties. It was such a fun thing to have a few kids over. I went wild with my friend’s camera that I had over the weekend (by a lark). It was 50 mm lens and it did take some time getting used to but here is one of Jispa’s photos I clicked and for some reason I so love it… I really do. For me it symbolizes what Jispa’s nature is.

lif kara de

Today as I was leaving for a Microsoft conference I thought a bit on which t shirt I should wear. Today being a Friday I wasn’t going to wear formals, no matter what the bloody occasion. So I choose an appropriate red t shirt that said ‘unfakeable linux’. I didn’t get kicked out for sure. Thank you v-inu for the t-shirt. I got my two bits of hehe snigger value.

So as I was driving out of the complex, I saw a woman with a purse and slightly heavy looking bag, slightly distraught. .she seemed to be looking at taxi’s eagerly, but they all seemed to be full and there were none waiting. I passed her. Then stopped in front and then thought a bit. I said ‘what the heck’. I put the car in reverse and went back to her. She might have been in her late twenties. Overcoming my fear of rejection even while doing what is essentially a good Samaritan act I rolled down my windows (with automatic windows, you don’t really roll them down you just press a button on the side, but you get the drift… do you). So I rolled down the windows and shouted out… you want a lift outside till the taxis? She looked at me for a second and thought for another… “ya, sure, thanks”. It is a bit ackward for me I guess, but I really feel bad for people at Bhakti park (the colony where I live). The dam place is separated from the road via a small rivulet and there is only one bridge across it. The exit from that bridge is a good 110 meters from my house and around a 100 less from where I gave the lady a lift.

I asked her where she was going. She wanted to go to lower parel and since I was planning to go via dadar, so to avoid the crazy traffic on the western expressway, I offered to drop her off. But you know what, its always a little awkward for me. I give lift but I really don’t want to be seen making any conversation. So I don’t initiate any conversation. But these days women are changing, they are getting far more confident. They are ones initiating conversation and leading. It wasn’t so when I started college in 91, but the younger lot is far more at ease with themselves and life in general. I asked if she was from out of Mumbai. She was from Delhi. No wonder I told her. All the ones that look lost in the morning are from Delhi. I told her to take the bus. That would take her to dadar from right inside the colony. But it seems as she was Delhi she had a general aversion to the bus service, to which I told her that I would never ever worry if my wife or daughter would be using the BEST service. It is by and large, safe and honorable.

It so happened that she was friend of a colleague from office. When I spoke to the colleague, she was surprised that her friend accepted a lift from a total stranger. Come to think of it, ya… I was a total stranger but I guess the vibe is what people bet on or the fact that it’s pretty irritating to be stranded without a taxi early morning, forcing you to take silly risks. Whatever. But it is heartening to see more women confident and relaxed. Today at the conference venue also I cracked a joke with my comrade about the biscuits only to face a rejoinder by a woman I don’t know who was standing beside. That’s good.

ab tu chilla ke dikha... chilla....

There… I have my office desk all set up for blasting the dam music. I was inspired by this ted talk by Julian Treasure on how sounds affect us all, especially in office productivity.

Nah. actually the answer is elsewhere. We had this huge set of Logitech speakers at home to connect to the laptop so that we can watch movies / CD’s. It was quite a pain, large unwieldy things with multiple wires getting entangled all the time. Two speakers with some sub woofer boofer something. A real irritant. they look nice and sexy in the photos here but they must show all the wiring in the photo as well. no one will buy it then.

Then we came across these really tiny speakers (x minimax) that could be connected to the laptop. They had inbuilt batteries that could be charged and hence no constant electric connection as well. Hence the big ones have no where to go but office. they each must no more than 2 or 2 and a half inches tall.

So now I have this huge ugly (but nice and clear) speakers set up in office. I also sit in an unusually noisy section in the office with one particular lady who handles 3 peons. She keeps shouting at them. In fact she keeps shouting at the four poor junior reportees she has. She reminds me of the Egyptian pharaohs whipping their slaves into building the pyramids. She is like one hunterwaali all the time. Add to that a screeching voice. It all makes for a noisy atmosphere.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for a noisy fun filled office. Go ahead shout loudly, crack jokes, play music, but… if one goes on as a nag all the time then it does create some issues.

That’s what I also try to avoid whiling reprimanding someone. Use voice to get effect but use it sparingly. Even if I scream at Jispa. It will be one loud short scream, then your tone must go down, you must talk less, you must communicate exactly what you want in soft measured tones. Being a constant machine gun is a nuisance for all.

So now I am all set for war. Loud noise will be greeted by louder soothing sound. I have to somewhere get the chants that play in every music shop in Rishikesh. The beautiful soothing chants (dev prema – I think) playing along the Ganges while you are sipping hot lemon mint tea at devraj coffee corner while flipping through your William Dalrymple “city of djinns”; with the Lonely planet at your side; over looking the bustle at Laxman jhulla.

A ha… kya vichar hai aapke… prabhuji.. aap dhanya ho. Nahin nahin…App Dhaniya ho..

who's on your right?

I came across the pamphlet in the newspapers of a certain ten day international Islamic conference and exhibition, for understanding Islam and Global unity. I read that the conference focus is to create better awareness and understanding of Islam and remove misconceptions and false fear and hate against it, followed by more lofty and world peace missions. Surely noble and relevant goals.

Fair I thought. But what caught my eye was not the mission but the organizational features of the conference.

I quote “largest … in terms of grandeur, excellence”, “Grand main stage: 12,000 sq ft huge with state of the art intelligent lighting and props, modified everyday over 10 days for a fresh look and feel’, “professional Tv recording… with ….blah blah blah … and other state of the art equipment
“Setting new records for size of stage, maximum number of camera used for recording, state of the art equipment, largest temporary AC auditorium, etc.”

I have nothing against the guy or his cause or his devotees, but it does make me think…

In advertising you generally devote more copy and ad space to what is important for your target audience or the CEO’s ego. I have seen enough to see that both exist. Case in point “XYZ biscuits now with attractive new packaging”. What have I got to do with packaging. Wouldn’t I put an emphasis on content as long as it is well communicated? That’s all. Do I care if TV covers the event with gazillion gadgets or not. I do concede that I and AC auditorium with adequate seating and a children play area are definitely good thoughts for audience comfort. but records for largest whatever is .......

A jain guru takes offsites abroad, hindu baba has a satsang in a cruise, some set up centers of meditation, one lady gives lipsticks as ‘prasad’, the list goes on… its fun to see the incentives offered for the downs.

I have a general skepticism (healthy I hope) with the rise of right wingers in any form. More and more of them are getting in our lives using new technology, razzle dazzle, new media and top class packaging. They speak the language that common man can understand. Wasn’t that one of the strong points for the spread of Buddhism and Jainism as well?

A new breed of them are emerging as we search for meaning and content in our lives. They preach their wares and create new cults building on old. Some scare some hold out hope, some promise…

Sometimes I want to go myself and see, what in the name of heavens is going on?

infallibility

There is a guy in my office. Ok there are lots of guys in my office but I am talking about this hungry one. ok… there are a lot of guys in my office and they are all equally hungry. This one likes free food like crazy. Ok… I have lots of guys in my office who are all hungry for free food… ok ok….free anything…
So one of them normally lands up on my table waiting to feast on the dark chocolates. I cured him of his transgressions for good this time around.
I knew he was coming in to meet me. So took my brahmastra (read: infallible weapon) and kept it in my hand. As soon as he saw it, he asked for it, I gave it but warned him. He still ate it. he just chomped on the whole bite.. He looked normal at first. I asked him if it was ok. Ya3sure, he replied. Then from normal he started to look macho… I can take it; he seemed to be saying to him self. Then from macho he put on his brave face… and then finally … HE GAVE UP.. aaaghhh… what the hell is this. I need water, water. GIVE ME SOME WATER. I told him that I had warned him… I was safe from that gag.
There, he was cured. He will think twice before he asks for something. Good fun nah…

Oh. You want to know what I gave him. Well he always liked bitter chocolates, so I got him to have the 99% bitter chocolate. (earlier post) He even saw the Lindt emboss on it before eating it and must have mentally salivated before the sensory overload.

the mund avtaar

At our recent vacation to Kochi, one of the places we visited is the guruvaayur temple nearby. As we stared at the line we wondered whether to go in or not. Adding to the confusion was a rule that did not allow us to venture inside in shorts or pants. In fact there was a board outside that prohibited pants, lungis, shirts, baniyans inside the temple. Huh? I wondered if I had strayed by mistake into one of the infamous Goan beaches. We then figured that the rule applied to me. Nopes, I was not supposed to be nude as well. The malu populace defines lungis as the colorful ones. The white ones are called mund. So we bought two at 60 bucks each and tied it around our waist on top of our pants to go in. not that we are too religiously but Jispa was keen to go in. she is always keen and curious and game for anything.
At 60 bucks the mund is quite thin and almost transparent, as you can see in this photo. It’s a good thing that I had shorts inside else … also the shorts help in tucking the dam thing and helping it stay in place. Though a small challenge is to get your cell phone or your wallet which is in your shorts which are under the mund. You have to do without undressing your mund or look like you are going to flash.

This is the one with the t shirt on. The other photo without the tshirt is not uploaded as then this site can be reported for inappropriate content.
It is quite a nice temple inside with people pushing each other to get inside and get a glimpse of the hallowed one. its literally a glimpse with the view through a corridor of door and the closest you get is, my guess, 20 meters. The entrance to the main temple itself is a 3 feet by 5 feet door, with the line pushing to get in. I was letting people go in before me as I just couldn’t bear touching my bare torso with more similarly bare sweaty mallus, till I pushed by the ushers inside. Once we were done with the darshan I could go about my business of admiring the complex. Thanks to my readings of Devdutt Patnaik books I could decipher what was carved and hence explain the same to Jispa. The most famous being the image of Vishnu waking up on his serpent bed with Brahma in the lotus that is coming from his navel.
There are many depictions of this pose with many different variations. Laxmi at side, at his feet, shiva position, the dus avatars at the bottom etc.
I was explaining to Jispa the ten avatars of Vishnu as shown many times in the temples of south. One was specially fascinating for her. The Narshimha half man half lion avatar. She was after me to explain the story to her. I finally got around to narrate it to her today morning.
After a narration like this as is my wont, I told that this is only a belief that people have in their minds. As opposed to reality. Then I asked “Jispa, you know the difference between history and mythology?” “what?” she asked. I repeated “do you know the difference between history and mythology?” She was quite a moment and then she said “Mythology is what you believe and history is what you find out”. I was stunned into silence for a few seconds. I thought a bit and then some more. My 7 year old was right. “you are right, who taught you that?” “My brain” came the reply. “I thought what is same between the two and how they are different and that’s how I came to know.”

OK… OK…

glop

Jispa and her white board have been at it again. Recently she was reading horrible Henry in which the protagonist made some horrible glop. Basically invested something nasty and drank it. Jispa was inspired to do the same and wanted to make glop as well, mixing a lot of ingredients. She even promised to drink it once she made it. I managed to nudge her into making a drinkable glop, with tang, honey, salt sugar as the main ingredients. Nothing glop like about it but it was a gloppy adventure of sorts I guess. Needless to add, she loved her glop. So much so that she wrote the ingredients on the whiteboard but to her chagrin someone erased than. So she wrote them again and this time she wrote a warning note down as well…
Just for the record, after the ingredients it says – I hate it when only you rub it you will be dead by the dangerous doggi!! (so be careful) by :-> jispa. GRRRR!!

In case you are wondering who the doggi is… this link might give you a hint. http://jaimit.blogspot.com/2009/09/angel-angel.html

fun, masti, keedas

Making things fun is the best way to do things… everything must be fun then behaviors can change and positive stuff can be achieved. I have always believed in this. I came across two videos that completely explain my case. This time they have some quantitative stuff to prove it as well. Not that too many people needed it… but you know the way corporate works. They are so anal and so distrustful of everything even if it stares them in the face. We as a corporate are trying a lot for our employees to give more.. my sense was that the reason that people don’t give in their corporate avatars (amongst many others) was that the emotional connect was missing when you give a ‘certain’ portion of your salary for a ‘certain’ cause. Thoda warmth missing hai. This is making me realize that not just warmth but fun is missing.
Looking back… My last great thing was Jispa winning the elocution. She won it because I think she was the kid having the most fun saying the poetry. It was fun for her. We used to irritate jasmine all the time by saying line from the poetry and go completely bananas with the emotions. We didn’t really care winning… of course it was good, but it was FUN and that’s the point.

My team has fun working. Laughter is a must. Play your pranks, take it easy… allow for mistakes and laugh at them. Work will happen if the fun is there. Get those boring baskets out of your life.

Here see these.

I didn’t need the stats to know it works. Of course it does. But then we areteh data speaks the truth types. Aren’t we?

kuch bhi

13 cures to stop hiccups

Solution # 3 get scared silly
Having someone surprise you can overwhelm the vagus nerve and put an end to hiccups.

Oh ok… what a simple solution. I am having hiccups, I go up to my fiend and tell him… dude I am having hiccups… please surprise me.

Huh?

If that’s not enough – here is another one…

Solution # 5 Pull on Your Tongue
Sticking out your tongue and yanking on it may stop hiccups

Kya hai yeh???

but you love me daddy

For the interschool elocution she has to get an inspirational poem, an inspirational story or extract of an inspirational speech. Two minutes long… oh god. For a 7 year old! I can’t think of anything … I always believed that these competitions must allow for humor more than anything else. But now it’s an inspirational talk… I guess it’s not the school’s fault, the organizer must have ordained so. Searching the works of Shel I came across this poem… is it inspirational (I hope so)? The problem is inspirational versus morals… the net has tons of inspirational stuff that’s got God in it. Both Jasmine and I hate having inspirational stuff with the omnipresent hand. You don’t need God to get inspired. Can anyone help me get a cute nice inspirational talk/ poem for a seven year old? Though the school has also promised that if we don’t get it they will give us one. but I still think the lester one would do.

On another note – yesterday we were at a fun and fair organized by the preschool organization that one of Jispa’s friends goes to. It was a nicely done thing, with stalls on various games and activities. Jispa was enjoying on her own, hanging around, trying stuff. She came to me saying she wants coupons. I directed her to Jasmine. I then realized that Jasmine had bought 500 bucks worth of coupons for jispa to enjoy. Wow. 500 bucks. That included everything including food and drink. But I remember going to my school fair and having exactly 20 bucks or 50 bucks of coupons to utilize. I am not arguing for inflation. What I know was that they were definitely not enough to play what ever game I wanted and I had to pick and choose to maximize my fun. I had a clear trade off and marginal utility problem to solve. Jispa just went and played everything that caught her fancy. Now 500 bucks for family fun is not a large budget. Silly movies at a multiplex cost much more. But I didn’t know how to reconcile my need to ensure she has fun without too much chindigiri, while teaching her truth of finite resources. I don’t know…
One stall was a photographer getting you to pose inside a box for interesting angles. Jispa came to me and asked if she could go. I was like “it might be expensive and more so, I am a decent photographer. So why don’t you find out how expensive it might be, then we decide.”. She ran there and came back a minute later, “dad, bad news… it costs 250 rupees”. Happily she ran away. I guess we got the balance right.

We reached home and we got to do some dressing on the boil that’s come up. That’s a second one she’s got back to back. This one needed to be burst open. We take an implement and douse it in Savlon to prick it. Jispa was crying a bit purely on the thought of it. I let her attempt to prick it herself. She realized that her boild was a piece of dead skin with no sensation. She then let me gently prick with and had the puss oozing out. a nice bit of growing up.
While we were squeezing it, Jispa suggested I keep talking to keep her distracted. So I went about talking about… you know…mommy faced a pain that was a hundred thousand times more than what you are facing. This was when she gave birth to you. She held my hand very tight and she was hungry and thirsty but she had to deliver on an empty stomach. But we were there for each other. Etc etc….
She then asked. Why did we decide to have a baby. So that you can have fun the baby? I replied that ‘ much more… we wanted a baby to take care of, we wanted be bring a baby into this world, we wanted to play with it, we wanted a baby so that it would hold my hand and cross the road, …” suddenly she curled her lower lip and cried loudly…. Huh... what happened, did it hurt, did I press to hard. What on earth happened? “No, I am just crying because it’s a very nice story. You said very nice things” she replied. Huh? I and Jasmine just looked at each other. We didn’t know how to react. Jispa is a sensitive kid but I guess the boil hurting and the crying that was already happening did affect her a bit. She said even in school she heard a lovely story that moved her a bit in the western music class. It was this one…

Your five year old face is a dirty disgrace(but you love me Daddy)You scatter your toys and you make too much noise(but you love me Daddy)You know little lad you can be pretty bad(but you love me Daddy)You wake me at dawn when i want to sleep on(but you love me Daddy)Now you eat the cookies when i tell you no(But you love me daddy cause you tell me so)you're so hard to scold cause you're my five year old(and cause you love me Daddy)When i dress you up you go play with the pup(but you love me Daddy)When i use the phone you wont leave me alone(but you love me Daddy)You make sister wail pulling her ponytail (But you love me Daddy)You scratch up the floor and you write on the door(But you love me Daddy)You ask foolish questions now you know thats true(But you love me Daddy and you know you do)Your so hard to scold cause you're my five year old (And cause you love me Daddy)

Yup… I love you, kiddy…

STOP PRESS

Jispa got chosen in her standard to represent the school in inter school elocution competition.

I just lived my childhood dream

thank you Shel, sorry dentist.

??

sleep woes

Its amazing how children and associate problems are the same around the world. We had issues with Jispa coming in to sleep with us all of a sudden some time back. She gets these bursts now and then… for a few weeks she is all ok sleeping alone and then suddenly she comes in every night for a few nights with some excuse or the other. About two weeks back she came in with something and I didn’t even listen to her and just opened the blanket for her to come inside. It’s always me that she targets. She didn’t sleep too well that night. I asked her the reason in the morning and she said that I was constantly moving and that’s the reason she couldn’t sleep. Ten why did she come in to sleep with us, I countered. She said that she just came to tell me something and that I without listening to her just put her to sleep next to me. Oh ok… now it’s my fault. Blame daddy!
But yes, coming back to the ‘same around the world topic’ – I came across some really interesting stuff that really captured what the entire world is facing with young children.
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Accompanying text:
“Next up: a visitor from the kids’ room. They start all sweet and cuddly, but their little bodies become more brazen by the minute.”

This exactly the problem we face with Jispa, she is obviously soft and cuddly to start with and then she stretches open, but in the wrong orientation… then both Jasmine and I get whacked.
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Accompanying text:
“To make things worse, our kids always insist on sleeping ON TOP of our blanket, creating a whole new set of problems”

There has to be some science of kids not feeling as cold as us while asleep. Jispa gets on top of the blanket and then instead of being nice and cuddly warm it gets quite a task to pull out enough blanket to keep you warm.
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Accompanying text:
“After weeks of sweet-talking, serenading and heartbreaking Ferberizing, we think we have reclaimed our bed. Until a short trip or a quick flu undoes everything again.”

Exactly….

john & chai

Whenever I get into Jaihind College to teach, I still behave like a student. I hang around the campus if I am early rather than sitting in the staff room. I still see my teachers there and am unable to sit at ease in front of them. I make a dash for the canteen and hang around there. We still have the waiters from my time there. Thirteen years on and not much seems to have changed. They got new tables and chairs but everything else remains the same. The menu is the same as well.
One of the waiters is Madan. Madan is an interesting character who always will hunker around for a tip. He would take his sweet time returning the change and you had to ask him to give it to you. The other guy Prakash was the sweet heart. I remember him trying to get us a table when the canteen was full. He would make some juniors get up just because Jasmine and I walked in. being the secretary of some club I guess helped. We weren’t goons by any stretch of imagination but the aura surely helped.
These days when I go in to canteen I still enjoy the same chana samosa. Only difference is that I can now afford the same. college life was a lesson in poverty. We always had less money and it was upto Jasmine to finance food, movies, picnics everything. She took tuitions and that was a great help.
This time around I was with a few students who were having chana samosa. The canteen gives a weird looking green chutnee along with some onions. I remember taking a few months of trepidation before I really enjoyed wolfing it down. The students were also not touching it. I said go on have it, I have been eating it since 1991 and I haven’t been worse for it. one of them looked up and said “1991, that was like since… I was born”. Huh. “you guys were born in 1991?” “yup”. Hahahahah… that’s was the year I joined college. Hehehe. I am sooo old!
Prakash these days still gets me a place to sit. I always over tip both, Madan and Prakash. Probably as a guilt alleviation mechanism. Prakash these days is called John by the college, for good reason. He is a big John Abraham fan. John was from my college. He was one batch senior to me and I guess he knew me then, or I knew him them. A lanky guy with arms all over the place and a pimple attack. He always sweet though and had no enemies. A few girls secretly liked him then as well. While no body would have ever predicted a career in movies for him for sure. He definitely had a presence in the college though. Suddenly he burst into modeling and then into movies. He’s done well especially considering I see him as the only non star family heir who has made it in recent memory. Kuduos. Coming back to Prakash. He talks about John being a student of the college all the time. When he served me chana samosa, he said that this was the same chana samosa that john had when he was in college. He keeps taking about John all the time. No wonder the kids call him John and he responds amiably. I guess if I ever came face to face with John, I’ll probably tell him about Prakash and request him to pay Prakash a visit. Not that I am likely to come across John to start with, but I no probs, I have my John and I love him.
Here is a toast to the canteen join. I ordered this as this is something V-inu used to have all the time while in college. I wonder why he couldn’t have normal tea then. But he was evolved as always… He also loved the stuff black with a slice of lime. See I told you he was evolved. I think he had lime more than milk, but still this remains an ode to old time sake. Not anything has changed, not the glass, the steel, the ceramic, nothing… one day I will flick the ensemble and take it home with me. Sitting by the window, watching the monsoon and sipping dip chai with milk.

its really wierd how I get all nostalgic about college. I really came into my own in college... but that is another story...

coming of age

Jispa had a puss boil in her leg and like all puss boils, it got quite painful. Adding to the whole thing was the ayurvedic stuff we generally use. It’s a vicious black paste that brings the puss out. It makes the dam thing throb like crazy. It hurts like hell. Poor thing went all over the place on Tuesday night. She missed school on Wednesday thanks to the bad sleep and the mild fever. Slowly she came to terms with it. She really hated me for pushing the puss out of the boil. It is very painful. But on Friday night she decided that since she has to remove the puss and papa is not the right guy to do it, she will do it herself. Wow... that’s a big one. She actually squeezed the puss out from the boil herself with some egging on from us. She overcame her pain and the grossness. She squeezed out a lot of it… it was in many ways a coming of age, a step in the hero’s journey. If there was proof that our girl was growing up, had grown up… it was there for us to see. On a lark, I shot the thing on the handycam. It was a bit gross to do so but it will be a good coming of age video. Admittedly one cannot expect wholesome family entertainment in that video, hehehe…

An update on her elocution performance – we don’t know… the results are not announced at an individual level. Marks are given and aggregated at a house level with the house being declared winners. Politically correct I guess. But Jispa and I had a truckload of fun preparing for it.. Especially irritating Jasmine by reciting the poem again and again. it is fun reciting it with her.

crossing over to the dark side

I understand dark chocolates. I normally love them and people get for me dark stuff that no one but me can eat. 75% and 80%, but the latest Lindt on my table is something else…. Its 99% dark chocolate. It is so dark that it comes with a disclaimer on the inside packaging… on the golden foil it says…

“EXCELLENCE 99% is a unique chocolate that reveals all the strength and richness of cocoa beans. To fully appreciate all its flavors, we recommend that you progressively develop your palate through our range of high cocoa content chocolate bars, starting with Excellence 70%, then 85% and finally 99%.
The best way to experience ECELLENCE 99% cocoa is to break off a small piece and allow it to melt slowly in your mouth.
To taste the full bouquet of cocoa aromas, try accompanying your tasting with some coffee.

In other words – grow up kid…
It’s a good thing you see the disclaimer only when you tear off the outer pack. You can’t read this stuff and still want to buy the slab, would you?

The dam thing is so dark that while eating it I feel like Lord Voldemort. Uuuuuu. That was a bad joke, please excuse, but I just couldn’t resist. Hehe.