lets watch it together

The Olympics. It’s been a deep desire of mine to one day witness a live Olympic event. See a few races yourself, live. Sigh… someday. I will be rich enough or retired enough to see one. I want to play a game of cricket in England, watch Wimbledon, and catch a test match in Australia. And ofcourse watch the 100 meter sprint at the Olympics. Now thanks to Jispa we have started watching swimming and understanding it. It’s a completely different experience.

We have a TV now at home but we still don’t have cable. So we still can’t watch the Olympics. Getting the cable just for this is quite a pathetic chore. So we were lucky to be at friends place to catch the finals of the 400m individual medley, which had the legend Phelps finishing a poor fourth. Jispa was excited and we all watched eagerly. It was fun watching a sporting event with Jispa. I have always wanted to watch sports and play sports with Jispa. It’s awesome fun. Full on bonding. At the other swimming races, there was considerable excitement as well. Our friends also caught our infection as we cheered for the swimmers. Normally the swimming would have become a bit boring if not for the introduction of the World record line. They show the line (superimposed for TV) at which the swimmer must be to beat the world record. So it quite visible if the swimmer is ahead or behind the record. It makes for an exciting race.

So we were cheering and very excited towards the end when you see how fast the swimmers are going and if there are in line to beat the record.

The next day I tried to catch a few swim races with Jasmine and Jispa on the cell phone on YouTube. There we saw the race and then tried to analyse and learn from the swimmers. We were discussing how the hand is stretched just for that little bit before it pulls the water back. This is quite clear from the underwater shots. Then we were looking and rewinding and forwarding to see how the relay guys are ready to jump and have taken off just as the swimmer approaches. It’s timed to perfection. They begin their jump and only the toe is touching while their compatriot is reaching for the touchpad. Lovely. At that level you save every half second. Finally a sport that our whole family can watch and not just watch, we get technical about it. Wow. That’s one dream come true.

Normally when we watch cricket I struggle to show Jasmine that see – see the ball pitch and turn. There.. Can you see it, the ball is swinging in the air. In the middle, I used to try and predict the googly from Anil Kumble hand while he was bowling. All that was lost. Now we all can look forward to see one sport. I am thrilled. And all the angles and the innovation make for a very engrossing viewing.

A dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do

This is a really tough one. Jispa doesn’t like her school taekwondo teacher. He is a bit tough on the kids and the kids seem to hate that. Before him there was this fun teacher who taught them and made them play games while teaching them taekwondo. Last to last year I remember that just before the annual play off while practicing Jispa hit leg against the wall and got a sore foot. Her teacher then still motivated her and Jispa fought despite the pain. On the other hand this year she has been trying to get off the taekwondo co-curricular class.

Taekwondo is something that I was pretty keen on. I was keen that Jispa take up some form of martial art. It would stand her in good stead when she grows up and it also builds strength and discipline. The kicking in taekwondo also helps build legs, that possibly has a rub off effect on her swimming muscles. So it’s a good thing. Till the new teacher came in Jispa loved taekwondo and is now proficient enough to kick the wooden board that they use and break it in one clean swipe.  She was doing pretty well.

The problem is now that the teacher is one tough guy from the old school of hard knocks. He makes the kids practice hard and bores them to death by getting them to kick in the entire class. Then sometimes he denies them loo breaks or water breaks. I don’t know – what would happen if you don’t drink a bit of water in one hour. Then he scolds them if they get it wrong. Then he takes one kid aside and teaches him extra stuff. Then once when Jispa took a loo break he got another kid to teach her stuff she missed as opposed to teaching it himself.

When I heard this I was wondering. Where’s the issue. This sounds like the school I went to. My teachers were like this and the ones not like these were the exception rather than the norm. We all got screamed at, scolded and stopped from loo and water breaks. He seems like any of my PE teachers. Only a bit better. I remember getting whacked on the bum with a hockey stick as well. Ouch.

But the problem is that Jispa hates it. She positively hates it and I guess the class hates it as well. They seem to be bitching about the teacher within themselves a lot. The words that Jispa speaks has stuff that I would never have thought of her noticing. Its sounds like kids bitching together and coming to a conclusion that the teacher is bad.  Whatever the truth – Jispa hates the class. So today morning I had a longish chat with her. I understood and I then explained to her – “understand kid, this is similar to what I had in school. If the sir hits you then it’s bad, if he is partial all the time, then it’s bad. He took a kid aside and taught him extra because he must have seen something more. Remember he took you aside from your friends and made you kick the board and not let your friends do it. That time you did not complain. Don’t complain now. I think the issue was that your sir did not speak properly. He needs to talk sweetly to you guys. Or at least less harsh. Think again that seems to be the issue.” Jispa replied in affirmative. I guess she understood. I explained that its ok if someone screams. Let them scream as much as they want. It allright. What you want is for them to teach you. As long as he does that, its ok. As long as he doesn’t hit it ok. Rest we will manage. “but still” I added, I think I need to speak to him. I need to tell him that I think the kids are a little scared of you and don’t like being scolded. Can you please be a little more soft or little less hard on them. If I call him and do that, will that be enough”. Jispa nodded again.

So today was a test. To do something good for her while it being bad in the short term. Its tough really tough. I love my daughter. I surely don’t want her to have bad irritating teachers but also that is reality around you. People scream and speak rudely all the time. Get used to it. You can run from it. Especially if you are getting stuff that is good for you.

On Jispa’s guitar class, Jispa doesn’t have the will to practice every time. I also recognize that Jispa can’t do it. Just no time. With one full time sport it’s impossible to have one more hobby. Taekwondo is school is enough extra, on which we top up with swimming. Sorry man. I had to be the bad guy and say – fine Jispa. No guitar class anymore. She was a bit relieved as well. We can’t make her a super kid. I don’t want that. I wanted a simple kid, and yes a few great achievements would be nice. State swimming is good enough. To push her for more is sheer torture. And as parents I did not want to punish her anymore and quite frankly I thought the family was falling apart thanks to the hectic pace. I am most worried about Jasmine. Somehow being the super mom she is, I don’t think she knows what the pace was exacting upon her and her mind. Yes. I thought I had to be the final bad or tough guy. The guy taking all the decisions, especially if they are tough to be taken.

So I took the taekwondo decision and will take it to its logical conclusion and I have taken the guitar one as well. It’s best given the circumstances.

So anyone want a second hand guitar?

a new scrap everyday

After all these years some things never change. The stress of education is always there on the child and add to that – the greatest stress ever – the stress of homework not done or homework incomplete.

Yesterday was Jispa’s last day of the vacation. Till the fourth standard – every year in the vacation they have to write a scrap book of the stuff they did in the vacation. This for us is the most painful thing. You have to think of stuff we did, print pictures and decorate the scrap book. The most tiresome of them all – get Jispa to write in the scrap book. Get behind here. It’s like getting her to write 20 essays. Arrgghh. We have to be real mean parents if are to get her to finish on time. Things don’t help when the highlight of your holidays which is the vacation we took is towards the end of the holidays. We even took the dam bloody scrap book to Udaipur and made her write in her vacations. Whenever we had free time, we would goad her into writing. She would curse us, curse the dam book but she had no option but to write. After she writes, we can choose the pictures and print them accordingly. Jasmine had been telling her to write a few pages of Hindi as well. Jispa maintained that it was optional. Yesterday, on the last day, Jasmine read the circular that explained quite clearly that a few notes in Hindi are expected. But since getting Jispa to do the scrap is so bloody stressful, we let it be. Don’t bother.

At around 8 pm, when we are all ready to sleep and Jasmine is so tired that she even falls asleep, Jispa suddenly sees something that every school going kid sees. The consequences of not doing what you have been told to. Till now the school and the home work seemed far away. Hindi pages – sure – it’s optional. Its not required. But now, she was suddenly convinced it is not optional. It is required.  She comes to me with an upset face. What am I to do? Nothing, chill I tell her. We will figure. Now have your bath. After her bath also, she comes to me. Now really upset and almost in tears “what will happen tomorrow?”. “arey” I tell her “you enjoyed your summer vacation, nah? Why regret? Don’t worry. You said it was optional and what can your teacher do? She will only scold nah? Don’t worry”. “no” Jispa cried, “she can mess with my grades”. I wanted to tell her, chill man. Shit happens. It’s not the end of the world. In school, shit always happens.

When I was her age, shit happened all the time. We were three kids. Of course my mom couldn’t completely focus on all our studies. And then my dad had a heart attack when I was in fifth standard. So shit just hit the roof many times. Homework not done, answers not learnt, talking in class, all sorts of shit. Even rubbish like – paints not got for art class. And we used to sometimes get slaps, punishments, kneeling and what not. That stuff is at least banned in school these days. We used to get the dreaded remark in the diary. This had to be signed by the parent, which was a really BAD thing. So the biggest worry was not the shit hitting you. That was manageable. It was the shit hitting you once you get home. Who wanted that? School was enough. You plead with the teacher for mercy – she refuses takes your diary and then you go home and explain the shit all over again. The pain was getting home and facing crap.

At least in this – I wanted to tell Jispa – you can’t get any crap at home. I am saying ok. Shit happens. Not writing a few pages of Hindi is not exactly a bad thing that I am going to scold you about. But then how do I tell her that its ok for teachers to be angry at you, it’s a pathetic thing you shouldn’t be bothered about. I couldn’t do that. So I looked at her and said, ok let’s do something about it. I wake Jasmine up and explain the situation. We press code red. We get the papers, the ruled papers, the blank papers, the colored papers. Then we think about how to write stuff that will fill at least two sides in Hindi. Then we think of something. Tomorrow is Monday. Monday is no Hindi. Hindi subject is on Tuesday. Cool Jispa. Write the stuff now, we will decorate it tomorrow and you can tell your teacher that the Hindi pages of the scrap book are coming separate and you will get it for Hindi class. So I dictated a lot of stuff on the Hindi essay to Jispa. That itself was a crazy situation, I shouldn’t be dictating stuff. She should be writing it herself, but when you are about to sleep on a Sunday night in anticipation of a whole week ahead then you really want to get all the stuff done fast and easy. Thinking anything in Hindi is a big task for me. It ok to speak in ‘Mumbai’ Hindi but it’s another task altogether in writing decent fourth grade Hindi. Getting all the grammar right is very very stressful.

So we finished by 9 to sleep on time and Jispa was happy. “Thank you mom, thank you dad”. “ya sure” Jasmine said and the asked her “so do you enjoy working at the last moment? Would you do this again? Will you do so when I tell you?”. “yes mamma, sorry mamma.”

Sigh. All’s well that ends well. I try not to give too much stress about the education bit. I try and take all that stress on my head. If you have to learn tables, fine, let me do it along with you. If you have to do homework, ok, let me help you. It’s pretty boring getting to do all the work alone. Also being the only child, you can’t force the old “all of you sit down and do your homework together” bit. So I try and be extra sensitive. As it is, there is enough grief in a child’s life. I don’t want to contribute to it. There are many benefits of having siblings, but there are many cons as well. We took a call and had only one child. That was so that we could focus our time and energies on her. Completely. So we must focus on her. That’s the way I see it. I have no other excuses. Hence also no complains.

In the morning over breakfast she was telling me how the scrap book completely spoils her vacation and she hates it. I explained to her about a research I read. Kids who leave for the vacation end up not studying at all or reading at all. This largish break makes the child regress in his learning. So while a vacation is good for a child to play freely, it also means that the child must do small little work that keeps him up to speed with what he has already learnt. Two months a long time in child years I guess. That settled it for now. Luckily next year onwards she does do the scrap book, but I am told they have book reviews to be submitted. Hahahha. Have fun. Jasmine and I are happy that theoretically we are off the hook on those kinds of assignments. Hehehe.

a question of faith

Ever since I remember I have had this fascination for the Haji Ali Dargah off Worli sea face. The setting of the Shrine is perfect. It is around a kilometer off the mainland. The sea face is a very busy Mumbai arterial road. I remember passing through this place many times when I was a kid. Whenever we had to go to town we would pass by Worli and I would put my head out to see and admire the shrine.

Here is the satellite image. The little white thing out in the sea is the shrine.

My parents were largely secular. I remember whenever we came to Mumbai in the vacations from Dubai, we would have one scheduled visit to Haji Ali. So as a kid I have been there quite a few times. But after we shifted back to Mumbai for some reason it fell off our ‘to visit’ spots. I must have hardly been there once or twice since. When I was dating Jasmine I remember asking her if she had ever been there. She said that she had never been there as it was a Muslim place of worship. That’s when I first thought of it as a Muslim place. The dargah is largely Sufi which meant that its appeal would largely be open to both faiths. But I also guess it would be a question of faith and exposure. After having stayed in Dubai, I guess my family would be obviously more open to the Muslim faith. But then Jasmine also stayed close to a Muslim dominated locality. But would that have meant bringing them closer or further widening of the divide? I don’t know. It could cut both ways. Like next to Jasmine’s building was a Muslim dominated building. The problem would arise during Bakri Id. This is when they would have goats in the compound a couple of days prior to the Id and the same would be sacrificed on Id. This would happen in the open. Most vegetarians would find this highly disgusting and unbearable. Possibly this would further divide ‘us’ from ‘them’. The Moharram mourning with self-flagellation is also something that is a point of misunderstanding. But if I were to put on the opposite cap – I don’t think the Muslims would understand the 7 day fasting that Jains do or the fact that Jains don’t eat onions and garlic and other stuff that grows underground. In fact I guess the biggest grouse that anyone can have of Jains is that on religious grounds they are holier than thou and in business they just are complete blood suckers.

But this is not a blog about disparity. This is about plurality and the open embrace of Sufism. So when a friend from UK came to Mumbai and requested to see the shrine I was more than happy to her around. As timeline would have it, we only had a morning slot free. Which meant a visit to Haji Ali at 6 am. You can only go there during low tide as high tide submerges the half km entry path. 6 am is also a good thing as it meant availability of parking. In that area there is absolutely no parking available. I wonder where the pilgrims park their car during normal hours. I would guess the availability of parking would tempt many more pilgrims that what the shrine currently gets.

6 am also meant that the path was relatively free of all the beggars that normally dot the sides. No crowd to jostle with and a peacefull prayer time for my friend. When I walked to the shrine and when I walked in, I was somehow feeling a bit ‘nothing’. I don’t know. A bit let down in some sorts. Let down that I felt nearly nothing. I was expecting to feel nostalgic at the least, or even possibly feel a vibe or some thing. I was left unimaginably cold to the whole thing. Watching the Mumbai skyline also had no effect on me. Possibly the tide was way too low. A higher tide would have made for a dramatic scene with the waves lashing. But hell it was a really cold trip. Walk in walk out.

Dam me and my realism on god values. I see it nothing but an interesting monument. As of now at least I have nothing to ask from him or him to ask from god on my behalf. I think every time that this robs me of the magic that a more religious person might have felt. And this stuff is what I teach Jispa. That a temple is just a monument. God can solve your issues. You don’t need to pray to God for anything. So forget me and Jasmine, even Jispa won’t feel that magic. I felt that faith as a child growing up. It was there till about I was 21. Even after that I went through the motions till I stopped on day on the banks of the Ganga. Now it’s a cold nothingness. I am not really complaining but I wonder if that is an important part of life skills that I have not passed on. I wonder.

zoom

Last week I was in Udaipur for a personal leave. Jasmine and I have realized the value of staying put in as few places as possible during a leave. First we would go to multiple places in one leave. Like our honey moon, in which we did more than 6 places in 15 days. We covered practically the whole of  Kumaon region in Uttrakhand when we were there. Slowly slowly we were down to three places, then two and now we are at one place one week. The last two holidays have been just that. Reach, plonk yourself and if needed use that as a base to explore further. So this time, it was one week in Udaipur. This also affects the hotel choice. We end up taking a smallish but cute and clean hotel, that is typically family run. And this time for the first time, we deliberately went for a hotel with a pool in it. if you are there for eight nights and you might get a bit of hot weather, you need a pool. So we got, history, culture and relaxation – all in one vacation.

Another thing that we have discovered in India is the Golden Quadrilateral. The new highways of India. I have been hearing about how good. I used to try and get Jasmine to agree on driving holidays. The last time we had no option but to drive to our spot as it was pretty remote. The highways are amazing. These are segregated lanes with flower beds in the middle. And enough space to zip through. When I first drove on Indian highways, it was around 20 years ago. We had a Fiat premier padmini car. Here is a similar model. Ours was white as well.

My dad had bought it second hand. My mom had insisted on buying a car as my eldest sister was marriageable age and we must have a car to prove that we were well off. That we had two flats and that we had stayed in Dubai or whatever else was probably not too much of a show off value. So dad bought his car for around ninety five thousand rupees. A princely sum of course in those days. Must have been around in the year 1990 or thereabouts. The only thing we kids did not like about it was that it did not have an AC in it. We were keen that we have atleast an AC car. We wanted a Maruti but our conservative parents preferred this car, which we made do with. BUT NO AC? That was a bummer. But hell, we still loved that we had a car and as soon as we turned 18, we enrolled into a driving school and got our licenses. Dad actively taught our driving and soon enough we were driving on highways.

The highways. Oh the highways on a premier padmini. It had no acceleration to talk about. It was good for doing 60kmph at bets. Reaching any speeds beyond that required a large empty stretch of road and 90 would be around the best available speed. That too only if we got like a straight road with no traffic on the way. I must crossed that only once in my padimini. Add to that were the state of the highways in India. I was explaining to Jispa that the highways were just one road with one lane going up and another lane going down, with no segregation. The lanes were simply painted. So when you drive you have to be very carefull. For overtaking every time, you would have to tail the truck in front of you and then move little to the right and check for oncoming traffic. Then if you found the coast clear you would press the accelerator completely and hope to pass the truck before an oncoming vehicle came face to face with you. But that’s not enough similarly you have to constantly look for incoming vehicles that are overtaking by coming onto your lane. You would have to adjust your speed accordingly. I have been pushed off road one more than one occasions by a truck who has mistimed his overtaking. So I move off the road rather than get smashed into as pulp.

I was explaining this to Jispa and she found it quite amusing. The highway to Udaipur is around 800 km long and is one super straight drive. Only in one 50 km patch between Ahmedabad and Ghandinagar is the old style highway. I guess that is because it is the Ghandinagar bypass. If you go through the city then you get the segregated lanes all the way. This is like a shortcut. It helped to have it as it was like giving a live demo to Jispa. I talked to her while I was driving. See now I must overtake this way. Now I must look for this truck. She now found all it even funnier. All the cars waiting behind a truck and then suddenly all of them accelerating together and overtaking. Then she saw how we were stuck behind a truck at 40kmph waiting for a chance to overtake. As opposed to 100 -120 kmph on the normal highway, it felt like a hare waiting impatiently behind a tortoise waiting for an opening.

The superb highways made me think about my political leaning. The bridges in Mumbai which got much acclaim were thanks to the right winged group in power. The Golden quad highway project was a brain child of the same right winged combo in power at the center. The more secular party leans almost left and is a ‘welfarist’ at heart. While I think some of the legislation like the NREGA which guarantees employment may have much greater long term impact than what most understand, I need good roads and bridges now. No I am not talking like a spoiled brat who wants roads for a self drive vacation. But I see the benefits of good infrastructure.

Long ago in my naivety I had argued that India does not need so much infrastructure. After all we led the IT boom in spite of the no government support and in the absence of any backing. Adversity led to innovation. But I couldn’t have been more stupider. We desperately need it and the multiplier effect is for there to see. Good roads means better transport for goods and materials, we can now use large trucks on the highways, better trucks, better facilities for drivers, faster transportation. May be capital intensive in the short run but cheaper in the long run. Business comes up in and around the area and you definitely gain in terms of efficiency. It’s bloody important. So this time around if I vote right winged, it’s not that I love secular less, but that I love infrastructure more (sorry Brutus).

Maya

Maya. Commonly understood as illusion. The Wikipedia say thus - Maya or Māyā, in Indian religions, has multiple meanings, usually quoted as "illusion", centered on the fact that we do not experience the environment itself but rather a projection of it, created by us. While this sounds simple enough or complicated enough, depending on your world view, the followings words  are even more obscure “Māyā is the principal deity that manifests, perpetuates and governs the illusion and dream of duality in the phenomenal Universe. For some mystics, this manifestation is real. Each person, each physical object, from the perspective of eternity, is like a brief, disturbed drop of water from an unbounded ocean. The goal of enlightenment is to understand this—more precisely, to experience this: to see intuitively that the distinction between the self and the Universe is a false dichotomy. The distinction between consciousness and physical matter, between mind and body (refer bodymind), is the result of an unenlightened perspective.”

 Wow. I completely skipped that one. For me Maya is simply that there is no absolute truth. Only versions of it. Many times truth twists itself in a manner that is not known to us. I have argued this before on my blog. And I see it everyday in our lives. Most so in office.

Just yesterday I was explaining to someone the absurdity of office situations and the games we end up playing. I read somewhere that ‘a person refuses to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it. Suppose there was an instance where a particular way of showing numbers was proposed to me by my subordinate. But my job depended on not understanding it. I refused. Now one could call me the bad guy. But I knew if I start showing the numbers suddenly in a  new format, the other guys would falsely compare those with the preceding numbers and raise a false alarm. The alarm would be loud enough to set the fire itself, leaving you with another existential question – what came first – the chicken or the egg. So by that logic who is the idiot? Me for refusing to move forward, them – for refusing to see light when I show them statistics or he for not understanding this equation and putting us all in a situation where have to make a call – if we are idiots or not. Where does the buck lie? All are right and all are wrong because for the innocent bystander – YOU, you see the truth. Improve it you say. The right thing to do is always what the right thing is. But what you don’t understand is the chain of repercussions you could start of. So sitting judge on these issues, make you  dear friend, you ARE the idiot. For you haven’t understood the real issues, which are something else altogether. Possibly ‘them’ are under pressure to perform. Possibly ‘them’ see threat from ‘me’. Possibly ‘me’ has conveyed the wrong impression to ‘he’. And possibly ‘he’ is just bugging me to expose the real ‘me’. Who said what is a big question?

Yesterday I was explaining to someone that many times it is stupid to look at the truth in a matter. In office many times, people say something yet mean something else. They will come and tell you what they think they did in a situation. You will get another version from it from someone else. And then the two will conflict in your brain and you will invariably think that one has lied or has betrayed you. The truth is a lot in between. One may have just been misinterpreted or one may have tried to deflect from himself and named you but then made a comeback but the earlier version stuck. What should you do in this case? Should you try to get to the bottom of it all? What will you do digging for truth in a cesspool?  The smart thing is to know what you know and what you don’t. To live with the probabilities of what really happened. Cesspools are murky and opaque. Cleaning them doesn’t do much to anyone. It’s you who gets dirty in the process and it’s you who will get recognized as the one who throws stones in the cesspool.

I was telling Jasmine the same thing the other day. She wanted to clarify something from some other mother. I told wait. What’s it got to do with you? What they did to someone may or may not be without malice but you asking them will surely bring something out in the open. Why confront. What is the objective? What will you achieve? Quietly allowing them to think the way they do doesn’t not really harm you then why do you go for the truth? Why?

Our desire to seek out the TRUE version can only harm us. Because what we get we may not really like. Most of the time I have seen that we only seek to twist what we hear to we want to hear. I have that so many times. I used to counsel a lot of my subordinates and students. Now I don’t get too emotionally attached while doing so. People don’t want to hear the truth (at least your version of it). they want to hear their version of it.

OH DAM IT. this is getting to bloody irritating. Obviously I have seen something in office that has reinforced my belief in Maya and the power of illusions and truth. Two people said something to me. I love them both. I respect them both. The critic may argue that possibly I have no option but to respect them both. My job depends on deeply respecting them, so possibly I respect them. But I believe that both of them have been really nice to me and have helped me. So when I get two versions of truth I am forced to be philosophical. But not for long. I found myself humming this song which liked ever since I heard it. That makes me smile. Humming it to myself. Don’t you always remember the songs you listened to as a kid?

Bond

I was in the operation theatre when Jasmine delivered Jispa.  Besides obviously being happy that our child was born, I was so happy that it was a girl. We both wanted a girl. We even had the name in place. But if it were a boy, hmmm that would have been a bit of a tough one.

But you know how dads can get. I always want to bond with my girl on a man to man basis. I’d like to talk to her, explain her stuff, go cycling or swimming with her. Watch action movies with her. But my girl, well she is a girl after all. She hates action movies. So no super hero movies or movies where the bad guy gets thrashed about, smashed into pulp or bullets flying. So I have never been really able to see these movies. I remember many years ago when she was around five years old and die hard part 4 was released. We went to see the movie after she was asleep. Normally I would carry her in my arms and hold her through the movie, while she was fast asleep. This time she woke up and saw some action and I distinctly remember her getting angry at us for getting her to the movie. She started getting angry in the movie hall itself “why did you get me here, why did you get me here?”

Last week, one day she asked me, “how did Spiderman become Spiderman? I heard that some spider bit him or something. Is that true?” Ah yes. I then proceeded to explain to her the legend of the Spiderman. How he was bestowed with special spider sense and then I explained the part about ‘with great power come great responsibility’. Then I asked her, if she wanted to see the part thee (or is it part four) of the movie that was releasing this Friday. “hmmm. I don’t know. But shouldn’t I see part one before”. Well it’s not like they are sequential like harry potter or something. But ya. So we borrowed the first part of the series and watched it at home. She was ok with it. nice and fun, so we went on Sunday for ‘the amazing Spiderman’. Whoops. This one was a bit dark, tough and a lot more gore (blood) in it. I guess after the Batman in the Dark Knight, Hollywood must have thought about dark, confused and complicated superheroes with blood on them would make for more compelling viewing. I mean when was the last time you saw a super hero coming home and covering his bloodied face from his aunt. This is eth first spider man who I have seen who has removed his mask so often and been so bruised. It was like an action blood movie than a superhero movie. Either their target audience has gotten older or the kids can take much more violence these days.  Its rated UA but I strongly feel that families who get their kids for a ‘wholesome’ experience would be a bit rattled by the movie. I think we need a certification that’s between UA and A for this one. I think kids need to be at least 12 to really enjoy this movie. Jispa came out ok from the movie. There were parts she did not want to see for sure. Possibly the boys in her class would be more blood hungry, but it was a bit dark and gory for a 9 year old. After the movie, she was ok. I told her I did not know this would be as bad. She was ok about the whole thing. I finally got her to see a couple of super hero movies. I enjoy them and I secretly hope to see them with my kid. Possibly when she grows up. Anything is good when you compare it to the home alone 3 that she hired to see along with Spiderman 1.

And if that bonding wasn’t enough for the week end, yesterday night, both Jispa and I couldn’t get any sleep. We tried to hit the bed by 9. Jasmine was asleep but Jispa and I struggled. So I snug into her bed and tried reading my book, while she tried sleeping. Didn’t work. So I tried reading while she was reading. Didn’t work. She drank a little milk (wonder of wonders) and I drank milk. Didn’t work. We looked at each other for around an hour and then another… still we both were awake and wondering what to do. So we decided to watch a movie. Since we have no cable and our collection of movies ain’t that big, we had little choice. She did not want to see ‘my movies’ and I surely did not want to see ‘her movies’. It then I told her fine, I think the right movie from our collection would be …. Yes. I got it. ‘do aankhen baarah haat’ (two eyes twelve hands). This is an old black and white movie, I told her. I had seen it as a kid, about your age or a couple of years older possibly. And it was a nice movie. So Jispa and I were watching this 1957 movie about a jailor who is trying to take 6 hardened criminals and reform them by giving them freedom and taking them out of a jail set up to an open ground without encumbrances.  It was nice movie and the prayer song from that movie never left me.

I had to keep explaining the story and its nuances to Jispa from time to time.  The premise of the story, why he taking them to a free place, why is he breaking the fences and that he is giving them their murder weapons as tools to work with. The music score and the over acting of the cast is worth watching and is so different from the cinema of today. Jispa found it amusing and then even remarked “these black and white movies are quite nice and fun to watch”.

So yesterday we watched around 55 minutes of the movie till I felt sleepy and it was around 12 midnight. We promised to complete it later.

This was a lot of bonding for one weekend. But yes, I am not complaining.

piss on your problems

I was a sickly child. I used to fall sick often enough I took a lot of home remedies, ayurvedic medicines in addition to the normal allopathic medicines. I would fall ill every monsoon and my parents would be always remain worried about my health. Obviously I felt singled out by God especially because my brother was blessed with amazing health.

But all those years of being ill has had an amazing positive to it as I have become a dad. I can’t better relate to Jispa when she falls ill. I know what happening to her, what’s wrong, what’s the issue, what medicine can do what. I wrote before about how I know how to hold her if she is vomiting. Where exactly do you want to be comforted? How can Jasmine ever know? She has hardly ever vomited.

In office today people were talking about some ear infection and how to solve it. Oh that’s simple. You take your first pee in the morning and put a few drops of it in your ears. First pee? Had I lost it?

As a child one of my recurring complaints was a ear infection. Even today I think I have some remnants of this. In a smoke filled room like a pub or a bar (before the smoking ban) my ears would hurt. Even today when the AC vent in the car points at my ear, after sometime it starts hurting. As a kid my Ayurvedic doctor treated the ear infection by advising my dad to put a few drops of the first urine of the day in my ears. Embarrassing as it sounds, it worked like a dream.

Since Jispa swims so much, last to last year she got an ear infection. Jasmine went to the ear specialist who put some medicine in the ear and bandaged it and asked Jispa to stop her swimming for a few weeks. It went away. Last year when Jispa complained of ear ache, we realized she had an infection in the ear again. She couldn’t afford to miss two weeks of training. I suddenly remembered by childhood and told Jasmine that my dad would put a few drops of my first urine in my ear. We tried that on Jispa for a few weeks and voila… infection gone. All you have to do is put a few drops in your ear in the morning and then sleep a few minutes while it’s in, then put some cotton and go about your life.

Jispa did not even miss a day of training this year because of an ear infection, thanks to this remedy.

Moral of the story - You may be in shit for now, but who knows – when you grow up you might benefit from being in shit for now. In ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

zen in the art of mopping

The humble mop. This is the secret to a happily married life. Believe it.

My maid has taken a month off. She has gone to her village to get her son married off. Basically there are two important things she does, washes and then keeps the vessels in place, and then brooms and mops the floor. So in her absence the pressure is on us to do the same.

I think in the middle I had gotten into a negative frame of mind at home. I probably refused to see the work at home and I would possibly not help out as much, possibly I was tired or pre occupied, or just plain blind. But I never saw the work and now in hindsight I agree that I was not much of a help. This time around I was determined to be a better spouse around the house.

I think in the middle I had an unjustifiably large ego about myself. I thought I was helpful and did a lot of work. But I had gotten into a bit of pride doing it, which I now see and realize. So I picked up one thing on doing while reaching home. THE MOP.

Normally I would have hated mopping the floor. The way the maid does it by bending over and using a swatch is impossible for corporate backs like ours. But with the introduction of our house to this brilliant mop has made mopping very simple. This is a lovely magic mop. You just wet it, then squeeze it with the handle provided and start mopping the floor. I love going in lines, tile by tile and cleaning the floor.  The floor then becomes squeaky clean.

I think that’s the secret of my new found happiness. I don’t mind mopping the floor. The clean floor acts like a beautiful feedback. Keep mopping and keep seeing a clean floor. I was explaining to Jispa that while one cleans the floor one must do even a simple activity like this with pride and not miss a single spot. Tile by tile you cover the entire house and keep it spotless. I told Jasmine “you know what, I really don’t mind doing this.” And then I thought a while and rephrased. “I don’t mind doing this if I had the money to have a maid to do this. I would definitely not be happy mopping the floor if I did not have the money to hire a maid for this”. Jasmine and I had a good laugh on this. It’s probably true. There are a lot of things we really don’t mind doing or even possibly enjoy, but they are really fun doing if you do them by choice and are not forced into doing it. Don’t we all humans essentially want choice?

Talking about choice, I read an interesting book “the art of choosing” by Shreena Iyengar. One of the points she makes is that while choice what we seem to crave for, too much choice can be bewildering to the point of paralysis. She ran a famous experiment where she presented shoppers with a variety of jams to taste and followed with discount coupons for redemption. The findings were clear - The higher the variety offered, the lesser was the redemption rate.  She also says that while we don’t want that much choice, many cultures don’t even care for choice. Possibly Asian cultures defer to higher authority and want the choice to be made for them. You are the smart guy with all the authority, you should know better than me on these choices.

Listen to her TED talk here

It’s a very profound learning I have had. NOT ALL PEOPLE WANT CHOICE. I have struggled with some of the members in my team. No matter how much autonomy you give or force upon them, they would like to defer to you for your decision. At first I thought they were merely scared to make the choice. Now I think otherwise. They are just not trained or mentally tuned to make choice. You being the boss must choose. They probably see deferment of decision as a weakness. Why can’t you choose if you are the boss? Or your choice is obviously the right one, why should I change my world view. I think once I changed my view on this issue, I got a lot less worked up by this lack of decision making. I tackled it as a cultural issue and not as a personality issue. It’s been much easier then. I can handle this much better, and I can direct much better. My exasperation levels have surely gone down. And yes, possibly I have become a better husband, father, friend and an easier human being to relate to. Possibly… but then again…

State of the sport

This is a photo graph of the Swimming pool at Balewadi at Pune. This is where the state trials where held and where Jispa participated to win her relay gold. Beautiful isn’t it? Lovely infrastructure. This is part of the larger sports village. There are separate arenas for different sports. Coming at the first seemed like a cultural shock. We first passed the athletics track. As I walked ahead I realized that it was just the warm up track. The main track and stadium was elsewhere. Wow. Two synthetic tracks? Not bad. Then you have badminton, weightlifting and even an AstroTurf practice hockey ground. Pretty cool. I thought India has finally arrived. We stayed at the business hotel that is within the sports village area. We were recommended to stay here even though there were athlete hostel facilities. And since all our friends were staying here, we didn’t mind too much.

So we first enter this massive aquatics stadium to be greeted by a huge spectator stand (rightly facing east) and massive swimming pools. See the picture. In front is the main swimming pool with starter stands on the left and right, full out 50 mtrs, touch pads on the left for finishing, a massive digital board, a huge diving pool on the right with platform and spring boards, then a full size fully equipped warm up pool (or an extra pool for heats) at the back of the main pool, and the best of all, a cool down pool at the extreme left. You can see it behind the shamiana, and of course the lovely stands with colored bucket seats. There are even the shower and washroom facilities for the athletes in the structure you see next to the warm up pool on the right. Nice infrastructure, thoughtfully built and definitely spent a bomb.

Then you see closer. The water you see is green in color. That’s not photo tricks. Its actually green and dirty. So bad that you can easily see the bottom. So the swimmers really need to look hard to know when it is time to turn. The filtration is clearly not up to mark. Then see the diving pool on the right. Here the water is so bad that you can’t even see the floor. All you see is a green patch of water with some crap in it. then you see the seats, dirty and unclean. Everyone has to wipe the seats before you sit. And of course the loos. No water in the loo or in the showers. None. The taps are bone dry. So even if you have to go potty, do be smart and carry a toilet paper. And if you feel hungry or thirsty – no food, no canteen, and yes no water coolers. afterwards i saw one table behind teh stands selling boiled egg, pastries and some poha and bottled water. So much for nutrition. And no detailed schedule of events and no commentary of events. My GOD.

We spent all the money on building the infrastructure and now we have no money to keep in decent shape. Even for the prestigious state level championship meet. What on earth is going on?

On another day I asked Jispa, “When you swim in the competition can you actually see left or right if your competitors are ahead of behind you?”. “ya, ofcourse, I see them and I know if I am ahead or behind”, she answered, “but in this Pune competition, the water was dirty and I couldn’t see anything”. There, Maharashtra state’s top event is held at the top stadium in an elite sports complex and the water is so dirty that you can’t see the other swimmers.

And yes the touch boards. You would have guessed out by now that they don’t work. But the fun part doesn’t end there. Not only did they not work, but on the second day the competition was delayed by around two hours thanks to them. Well how can not-working boards delay the event? Because these non-working boards gave an electric shock to one the participants and they had to delay the event to figure out and solve the problem.

Indian sports is clearly in safe hands.

Feeling wanted or not?

This weekend we took Jispa (a few other friends joined in) to Esselworld. Esselworld is an amusement park that has largely not reinvented itself since it first opened… when did it open? Around 20 years ago, I assume. I don’t remember too many changes in the park since I first went there as a college kid. That was a fun thing to do. Go with the gang, and of course your girlfriend. You like bumping into her when you sit at the dodge’em cars or at the rollercoasters. It surely was a nice place to be away with your friends or girlfriend in the good old days. Today at best what I can say about it… it’s a neat place. It’s not a dirty place and over the years, I don’t think it has gotten out priced and expensive.

But for me most of the rides have been completely closed to me. I can’t handle any ride that takes people in circles. Any circle. Even the sweetest, cutest and slowest of merry go rounds can get me queasy and likely to puke within seconds. I can handle rollercoasters with jumps and dives and stuff but just nothing round. The worst ride for me will be a simple cup saucer ride. The whole ride goes circular and then the cups inside of it also goes in circles. YUCK. Jamsine is blessed. She can happily go for any of these rides and come out smiling or even bored. Jispa takes after her. She too can handle as many circles as these stupid rides throw at her.

We have taken Jispa a couple of times to Esselworld before. The last was about three years ago. I remember her enjoying the rides and I remember me enjoying being with her. She would round and round on the merry go round, and I would be the stupid father, going “aaaaa” and “booooo” and “ wheeee” from outside the enclosure; shaking my hands wildly to get her attention and get her to smile. Then we would put her on one silly ride after another, spending good family time.

This time around at the entrance I should have known of what lay in store for me. At first, I had to shell the full adult fare for her. ‘HUH?’ Full fare? Wow. She is now above 4ft 6in, which means she is now a full price ticket with access to almost every adult ride. She beat it by a good two / three inches. Cool. Inside, it wasn’t as if papa would be taking her everywhere. She was going everywhere on her own with her friends. The ones that go in circles for sure, but I was quite amazed how she was completely at ease on her own in the dodge cars. She got into the car alone and she drove it all alone. Wow. How did she learn to do that? Elder kids struggle with the cars. Invariably there will be one adult stuck in the end with the car not moving. Without any instructions she was driving steering and banging into everyone perfectly. She was aiming the dam car right.

(thats her in the grey cap and jacket on the right)

Then followed the roller coaster. There too she was on her own. Who needs dad? So was for the tornado and the big splash. DONE. I told Jasmine, DONE. I am not going to go to Esselworld anymore. I always hated the rides, I hardly had two three rides which I could sit on; I went for spending time with my kids and here, I was completely …. not required. Really. It was so bad that in the middle I actually slept off on the bench.

Jispa is now growing up, no… Jispa has now really grown up. It’s difficult, but the faster we recognize that the better it is for us and her. Both Jasmine and I need to step off the pedal and let be free. The good old adage comes to mind – Permit where you can, protect where you must. Easier said than done.

Yesterday at night while she was going off to sleep she was protesting to me. She wants to enjoy her vacations but we are making her do half an hour of writing and then some tables and some Hindi. All that her school teachers asked us to do. I explained to her that she is now grown up. Her teacher wants her to write fast, as that’s the only thing that an issue with her. Her teacher says that next year, she won’t have the luxury of time. Her Hindi teacher wants her to improve her vocab so she must read a few Hindi books. And math tables are a bloody must – its even part of her summer homework.

I explained that – she has now grown up. I explained that she was on her own at the amusement park, wasn’t she? She doesn’t really need dad anymore in the same way. Thus she has a lot more freedom and a lot more power, and with it comes responsibility.  No option. She needs to study her stuff and write fast if she wants to do anything in her life. I explained how 100 mark papers have to be finished in two and a half hours. She needs to write fast. Then she asked me a basic question, why do you give less time in the exams. Errr? “Good question Jispa. I also don’t know why there is less time in an exam. Why would you need to write so much in so little time? I also don’t believe it”

Why do we have these stupid exam formats? It’s not like one more hour will make a bad student. Why are evaluated thus? Do we need a written pressure exam to separate the wheat from the chaff? “sorry Jispa, that’s the way it is. You will have to write fast for sure. And tables…. Tables are amongst the most important thing you must learn. Here I can help, by taking them up and making you learn, but rest… you are on your own in many ways. You will have to do the stuff”. “ok dad”.

What to do. I can’t understand why they still give dictation and notes in class. Just explain eth stuff, give out the notes and give us home-work and stuff. Why should we write notes in class? Why? I remember writing notes like crazy in school and college. There were limited text books, especially in B school, no internet and definitely no money to get the notes copied. But now all this is standard. But hell, we will still write and then we will insist on good handwriting and give limited time in the exams. What yaar. Come on. This shit must improve. How long can the education system lag. We are teaching kids to only expect questions from question banks. We are teaching them to learn by rote and we are definitely pushing them not to ask too much.

On asking… Jispa was asking me about my job. I was explaining marketing to her. How marketing should work and the role of marketing as opposed to simply advertising. How we must benchmark to the best across industries etc… and one topic was left to be answered. I have to explain to her this week about Sensex and Nifty. She heard it on TV once and she made a mental note about asking her Daddy. Finally I am suddenly feeling important after all. Dad seems to be in demand and of value. Otherwise the bloody Esselworld experience was leaving my self worth and self esteem in tatters.

Its the chair

Its really quite funny. The head of marketing in a 250 man company is different from the head of marketing in a 4,500 man company. I have been head of marketing for a long time now. The roles kept expanding and now in my current division which has around 4,500 employees, I am the head of a department. And here I am being made to feel like one. If you have read some of the old blogs you would know that here I have a largish cabin to sit in. I think the visibility that it gives others about me is something very very different. Like I was telling someone, this can get to your head. It can bloat your already expanded  ego. It takes effort to be level headed. Simple stuff can be seen. People look with some amazement that I drive only a hatchback. Now that can mean two things, either I am a really simple humble guy or I am a stingy miser. I guess I must be getting equal measure of both. The other day, I did not get my car. I was about to catch a taxi to go home, when I saw a colleague of mine leaving at the same time. So I offered him a lift. He pointed to the company bus which takes people back to the train station in the evening from the office. Ok, what the hell, let me hop on to it today. The station is on the way home. I was the last one in climbing the bus while it left. As soon I boarded it, I felt a silence. For a few seconds all eyes were on me and the bus fell quite. The receptionist who was sitting at the front, looked at me and remarked “sir, the first time some senior person like you has come on our bus”. I just smiled, shrugged and walked on. Two three remarks “you, sir, are in this bus?”. “err, ya”. I just took the seat at the end and felt like a Chinese doll at an exhibition.

I must be the only hatch back to be given a designated parking slot in the company. For an overcrowded place like Mumbai, I must have really achieved in life to get this slot. So when I once got my sedan, which normally Jasmine uses to office, the watch man loved it and even remarked “Sir, nice, this car is good. It suits you”. I could only smile back in response.

I think we humans area  show off society. We like segregation. We like us and them. We like to show off our feathers and mane and other forms of success.

All this can get to you if you are not careful. In one of my earlier avatar, I was easily one of the most powerful people in the mutual fund industry in India. It was because of a default. My business head who was really the most powerful man (because his decisions could swing the future of the fund houses) would refuse to meet any one from the industry. SO the only way to him was to convince me and everyone in the industry would meet me. The same guys would get their CEO’s as well as their fund managers to meet me and try their best to talk to me. I would have meetings lined up, one after the other meeting these guys. It was tough but I think I never managed to get heady. My immediate boss Prakash Dalal and my colleague Suman who taught me about the industry, always maintained a level head and I , I think, followed in their footsteps. So I tried to remain level headed. I always maintained, that they are not here to meet me or respect me. They are here to meet and respect the chair I have, I sit on and that is not mine. It belongs to the company and I am nothing compared to it. This attitude kept me level then and it keeps me level now. When the bust followed the boom and slowly that job lost its importance, fewer and fewer people came to meet me. Slowly the role got swept into oblivion and I moved on. I was right. They only wanted to meet the chair.

Sure enough I must have gained some respect. I treated people right. I never kept them waiting and I tried to be honest with them. At the same time, I was a tough negotiator and I extracted every penny till the very end. They probably realized that as well. I have many acquaintances from that period but almost no friends. A sales guy who has come to pitch to you is not likely to be friends with you for life. He is focused on the job and his smile, manners, discussion is focused. I don’t think he has the time or the inclination to court you beyond his scope of work.

I have had friends from my marketing side of my work. Agencies, vendors etc. Some people for whom immediate sale was not the priority. Slow happy relations that translate into sales, perhaps.

So here I am sitting on my chair with hope that I never lose sight of it. I should never ever think that this is my ass doing things. The sun doesn’t shine off my ass. It shines off my chair and that my ass is on it is just a coincidence. It fools most people. They think it’s their ass. But no, believe me, it’s almost always the chair.  

Thats my chair.i have given up on the normal office chairs with wheels and reclining back support after facing severe lower back pain. I love my chair and i am thankfull to my earlier division that allowed me to bring this chair along with me when I moved. Thanks Agnel, you are an angel.

first in the family

Well…  the story was so big that I never got around to writing the whole thing. At the start of the month, Jispa finally completed in the annual state level swim meet. She was never in the medal hunt and we were there largely for the experience. Her coach said that this was a stepping stone meet for her. Her big chance should come two years hence. She had started competitively coaching only quite late and her strokes still needed to be worked upon. But nevertheless she qualified by virtue of being in the top four for the relay championship. Here I was pretty confident on her winning. I think she was as well. This was a dream team and the difference between the swimmers was very narrow. I think it was around a second and a half within the team. It was an ace swimming team. They won gold. So here…..

That is Jispa’s first gold medal of real consequence. We are proud parents for sure. A nice top off to a tough year. We had the coldest winter ever and we woke up on time in the mornings and went for swimming. She really swam a lot and worked hard. Well done Jispa.

You know, the funny thing is that the feeling is just sinking in. Slowly slowly as time is passing by funnily I see myself getting prouder of her achievements. Suddenly at various places I let it slip that she is a state level swimmer or she is a state level gold medalist. Yes she won gold. No matter how much matter of fact I can attempt to behave, the fact is that it’s a great achievement. I know my dad would have been really proud. It is he who instilled the value of sports in my life. He always encouraged sports and games. I owe to him that I still want to play constantly and that I see sports as an investment. Jispa and I laughed like hell on Jamsine’s expense. We kept telling that her side of the family has no one interested in sports. They are champions in eating pani puri and ice cream, not playing sports, or anything that’s got to do with moving your butt anywhere. Hehehehe. Jasmine is going to kill me.

why cant i just play ball

Every night before sleeping, Jispa will come to me and make a baby face with Bambi eyes – ‘will you please put me to sleep?’. And like the sweet dad that I obviously am – I will get up and lie down beside her till she sleeps. I did this all of last year. She had to wake up for school or for swimming sessions. This would be early so it was important that she sleeps early enough and if that required me to spend some time with her, so be it. Many times, I would be so tired that I would simply fall asleep next to her while getting her to sleep. Jasmine would come in and wake me and I would amble half asleep to my bed. In summer Jasmine figured that our room was cooler than the room Jispa sleeps in. So Jispa slept in our bedroom for most of the summer. So now with the monsoon cooling life in Mumbai a substantial bit, getting Jispa to sleep all alone is going to Be a big task.

Her school vacations just started. So I decided that this is as great a time as any for inculcating ‘good habits’. A few days back she came in again with her Bambi face and asked if we could put her to sleep. I refused. Whoops. I was the best daddy in the winter. I would always have time for my daughter to put her to sleep. I would never say no and now I was the meano. Oh God. Such is the fickle nature of parenting. All I could do was explain to her. “Jispa, you are now old enough to sleep on your own. The full year I agreed as you were to wake up in time for school or swimming class. Now you have your vacations. You must learn to sleep properly and on your own”. Fatherhood is about being soft and tough as the demand is. I would have to draw the line but also explain it. I thought as a child most the time I was simply shown the line and was expected to toe it. I wanted to know why. So with Jispa, as a dad I too have to draw the line, but at least I try and explain it to her.

Here is an interesting article that explains what a father gives the child – persistence. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120615103529.htm . How? Well it argues thus…

"This research also helps to establish that traits such as persistence -- which can be taught -- are key to a child's life success." The key is for dads to practice what's called "authoritative" parenting -- not to be confused with authoritarian. Here are the three basic ingredients: 1. Children feel warmth and love from their father -- 2.Accountability and the reasons behind rules are emphasized—3.Children are granted an appropriate level of autonomy

I think it gives mothers the short end of the stick here. It puts all the focus on the father. Definitely as a father I am not complaining but mommies too are equally responsible for the above. But yes, as parents we have a role to play in teaching ‘persistence or whatever.  Basically the three principals are well said. Once you explain your reasons for what you approve and disapprove, you also have to give your child an appropriate level of authority. And I love the distinction between authoritarian and authoritative parenting. Its interesting. But also between the two of us, I think Jasmine taught me to be a bit more relaxed. I think I was far too possessive of her. When she first went by lift all alone in the building, it was on Jasmine’s ok not my. When we first left her to play down, unsupervised, it was at Jamsine’s ok, not mine. There are many such instances. Jasmine all tries her best to drive accountability and explain the rules. But you know… moms will be moms… they are ones to always say ‘just’ on questions that kids raise. I guess the more time you spend with your kids the more you are inclined to say ‘just’. How much patience can you have?  So dads have an additional advantage and corresponding responsibility. Since we are the ones away most of the time we need to have infinite patience and teach ‘persistence’. Oh dam you. All I want to do is play ball with my kid.

whats riskier? having a home or not having one?

While I was on my reading spree during the recession, I had read an interesting bit of research. Richard Florida was talking about home ownership in cities. His hypothesis was that home ownership for a city is good but to a point. He says “This is so ironic, places with the highest levels of home ownership have low rates of growth; they tend to be older, lagging cities with older economic structures; they tend to be less innovative; they tend to have lower levels of human capital, of creative, economic activity; lower wages, lower incomes; and the people there have lower levels of well-being… by having a lower level of homeownership, and that’s around 50 or 55 percent,… actually makes them quite fast and flexible… If you lose your job in Detroit or Cleveland, you own your house: you’re stuck. You can’t even move to another part of Detroit or Cleveland for a job,… If you work in New York or Los Angeles or San Francisco and you lose your job, first thing you can do is downshift to a cheaper apartment, and if you need to move to a new region, when your lease ends, you can up and go”

I have put the larger extract below and the link to the complete interview. I found it interesting at the point. It did make sense. Flexibility is the key to business and hence growth. Housing is just one big strong element of getting stuck. My own firm, when I see it I realize this. As we get bigger we start getting inflexible. I have seen my management justify the bureaucracy, the willingness to accept it, unwillingness to tear down old practices, unwilling to take risk, having multiple levels of approvals and the sort. I guess a lot of it is possibly good. We are of course less tolerant of failure. The cost of failure is possibly too high. So it makes sense to take a few sturdier steps than big bold initiatives. But I also wonder isn’t a bigger firm more resilient to risk. More able to absorb the costs of failure and hence best placed to learn from it.

Smaller growing firms would have people with higher risk taking ability. People who just say ‘chuck it, let’s do it and go ahead’. I used to always say, it’s better to ask for forgiveness then to ask for permission. But suddenly larger firms clamp down on all of this. There are too many satraps to break through. Everyone seems to have his own domain which one is encroaching upon. These domains are nebulous and fluid when the organization is geared towards growth and rigid and unaccommodating when the organization is big. Simple things like the laptop brand is also a big issue. I came from one of the smaller divisions (250 employees) of my firm where I wanted a Dell laptop with a very good display. I got it. Here within the same group another division which has 4,000 plus employees, the Dell laptop which I got transferred with, gets undue attention. Here the official brand is Acer and you can’t get anything else. How was I roaming around with a Dell? Oh god man. All in the name of process.

I think process is good. Some things are important but too much process can screw up any initiative. Within my limited understanding and experience, my belief is that even creative can have a process. You must follow process but have the sense to know that the process is path but you are allowed to forge new paths. Logical behavior and thinking is not a barrier for creative. Just because you use the left side of your brain is no excuse for you to not use the right side as well, and vice versa. I think most of us inherently can use both sides well. It’s when we are suddenly rooted for some reason or the other we start exercising one side. The boring regimented predictable side and are impervious to outside thought and action.

I think the rooting of the brain happens when you start having too much at the table at stake. Typically this means a house. See the house by itself seems like an innocuous thing but over here buying a house would mean pledging the next 20 years of your life in equated monthly installments or EMI for short. Once you have EMI’s running, there is no chance that you are going to take risks. You start growing roots around the place. You start making friends, be familiar with the grocer, the milk man, the watchman… you build your life around your commute and then you are finished as a risk taker. Then having the monthly pay check coming in is very very serious business. Why – because the predictable monthly paycheck ties in very well with the infallible predictability of the EMI.

When I bought my first home it was a very fortuitous time. The EMI was at a fixed interest rate and housing prices very low. They were to just start their sky rocketing orbit. My home price has gone up 5 times since I bought it in 2004. At the time I was still ok with the EMI amount. In the slowdown of 2008, I wasn’t worried, I wasn’t scared. I saw my fixed income balance and I saw my liabilities and I slept in peace. Then I went ahead and bought my second larger house. I haven’t ever slept well if I thought about it. Earlier I would be nonchalant in my attitude. I would be able to call a spade a spade, but now I see myself thinking twice. I still try and push the bar but I am careful not to push it carrying my resignation in my pocket. I have become too big in my own life to fail. I have two EMI’s to feed. Hopefully the second house is ready for possession soon enough which would means that I can rent it and it becomes an income stream from an expense stream.

But there are other issues that stop me from taking risk and hence give me limited mobility. Jispa’s school and Matunga gymkhana around which we have revolved our life. Schooling is a huge issue in Mumbai. With a dearth of good schools and at reasonable price points we can’t afford to take risk with schooling. Jispa’s school is impossible to get into. We don’t know how we got through and it was a stroke of good luck. Once when I was offered a job in Europe in the same company I refused, how would I come back and get my daughter reinstated in the same school. It would have been a four to five year stint but how would I come back and fight again for admissions. As a city if we are unable to provide for or encourage good schooling we wouldn’t be able to attract and retain talent. Cities must also fight for talent in similar fashion. Now I understand the value of the Kendriya Vidyalayas that the government set up all over the country giving a uniform education for its entire government staff that would get transferred. Having schooling that is uniform and predictable for the child and the parent is so critical. And of course the gymkhana. Gymkhanas in Mumbai are elitist and restrictive. They open their doors only to members and memberships are limited and are opened only at intervals. Currently the Matunga Gymkhana is open for membership at a steep one million rupees. What the hell. Where does the average person train his daughter or give his kids a decent healthy lifestyle. So thanks to that not only am I rooted as a risk taker, my risk taking has come down to not moving to anywhere further than two kilometers to where I am currently staying. Else the commute and hence the schedule that Jasmine follows everyday will get awry. Wow. Risk aversion has a new meaning altogether.

No wonder I have noticed that even with the same firm, when we Indian go abroad we get highly politicized. We start playing games and we stop taking all kinds of risk. We only start doing stuff that protects our back side. We lick our boss’s derrières and we eschew all bold action. What if things go wrong? We would have to uproot our families from there and come back, in the middle of the school term that too. I saw this in our offices abroad and I saw this in my dad’s stories of when we were in Dubai. The politics is unbearable.

So I kind of agree with Richard Florida. Home ownership kills risk and mobility. We have a deep rooted desire to own our homes and the EMI’s coming with high cost of homes will kill us and our city. Luckily for Mumbai, the saving grace is that we have made renting slightly easier and relatively less risky. The Enforcement of leave and license agreements which are clear and solid has allowed for investors to give their homes on rent. Earlier the laws were completely in favor of the tenant and renting was akin to selling giving rise to a pagdi system in Mumbai. While we were in Dubai, our home was kept closed and locked rather than let out, as we were afraid we would not get repossession of our home when we needed it. No one really benefits from an asset that is underutilized.

I suddenly started thinking about this because of the conversation I had with Jasmine’s cousin. We are all from part of the baniya sect in the Hindu world order. This means we are essentially traders, businessmen by birth. It is our job to trade and to make profit. To be fast and flexible. He said, “us baniya, we should always be ready for mobility. In fact we baniya’s traditionally never bought houses.” I understood what he meant. If a trader is to thrive he must always be mobile, always ready to move to opportunity. Why else would Jasmine’s maternal grand-dad go all the way to Cochin, in an alien culture, to set up business. Her paternal Granddad came from Gujarat to Mumbai to set shop. My grand dad (maternal) went to Burma (Rangoon) to set shop and then came to Mumbai and set up his business. My Paternal Granddad moved from his home in Savarkundla in Gujarat to Mumbai to study and become a Doctor, after which he moved to Gondal in Gujarat to start his dispensary (it’s a business).

And now Jasmine and I are at loathe to even move three kms from our current home. Sheesh. Obviously we are no more baniyas. We have lost risk taking ability. That doesn’t bode well for our family. Or on the contrary it does. Simple predictable lifestyle. The shift from the hunter to the farmer. Possibly parenting is all that in our city. Growing roots. Staying in and withering away. Possibly we are the 55% giving the chance for the rest of the 45% to go out and push the envelope, take risks and be free.

While I was reading on Richard I came across his concept of ‘creative class’. An extract “Florida says that the Creative Class is a class of workers whose job is to create meaningful new forms (2002). It is composed of scientists and engineers, university professors, poets and architects, and also includes "people in design, education, arts, music and entertainment, whose economic function is to create new ideas, new technology and/or creative content” (Florida, 2002, p. 8). The designs of this group are seen as broadly transferable and useful. Another sector of the Creative Class includes positions that are knowledge intensive; these usually require a high degree of formal education (Florida, 2002). Examples of workers in this sector are health professionals and business managers, who are considered part of the sub-group called Creative Professionals. Their primary job is to think and create new approaches to problems. Creativity is becoming more valued in today’s global society. Employers see creativity as a channel for self-expression and job satisfaction in their employees.”

This creative class I see in the suburbs in Mumbai not in town. Town is old money, high rents, old houses and no buzz. Suburbs have buzz, have restaurants opening and closing at will, new ideas and of course the new age of creative people in design, arts and other stuff, pushing the bar.

I end on a story – once I met a friend of mine after a long time. She is in the creative field and her husband was setting up something in IT. they had bought a flat in the suburbs somewhere. While I was talking to her, she told me that the flat was bought on a home loan and then the price of the house had gone up crazy. Then in the middle of it all they thought of selling their home and pocketing cool ten to fifteen lakhs. (ten lakhs = one million). This they would spend a part of it touring Europe (Spain) and then shift to another house on rent. They would save on the EMI every month and pay a lesser rent, as well as have a sustainable life. At first I was appalled. What shit, sell an asset! Then I realised – you are young only once – have fun. And now I realize, selling their home and moving on rent to a smaller, cheaper place, gave them the flexibility to enjoy and follow their dreams. Being unencumbered by the EMI they could start a business and she could work free-lance. They could do something New and Not Conform to boring conformity. They wanted to be the ‘them 45%’ not the ‘us 55%’. I respect that. As a baniya, I genuinely respect that.

Interview on www.bigthink.com with Richard Florida. Full text here: http://www.bigthink.com/ideas/20243

This is so ironic, places with the highest levels of home ownership have low rates of growth; they tend to be older, lagging cities with older economic structures; they tend to be less innovative; they tend to have lower levels of human capital, of creative, economic activity; lower wages, lower incomes; and the people there have lower levels of well-being.

The ones that have lower home ownership, they’re stronger economies, they’re more innovative, they’re higher wages, higher incomes. And I thought about this and it’s not only that those cities are more expensive, right? Los Angeles and New York and San Francisco and Seattle and Boston, they’re not only more expensive, so obviously fewer people can afford houses. Actually by having a lower level of homeownership, and that’s around 50 or 55 percent, where the big, the cities that have a lot have 80. It actually makes them quite fast and flexible. And I find this really interesting. If you lose your job in Detroit or Cleveland, you own your house: you’re stuck. You can’t even move to another part of Detroit or Cleveland for a job, never mind to a place that might have more economic opportunity on the east or west coast. You’re stuck and you’re stuck with that house and you can’t get rid of it and you have to pay for it.

If you work in New York or Los Angeles or San Francisco and you lose your job, first thing you can do is downshift to a cheaper apartment, and if you need to move to a new region, when your lease ends, you can up and go. So I actually believe, the Urban Land Institute says we’re falling in home ownership. We’re going to come down to about, I think, they think, anywhere to about 62 percent, I think we’re going to go a little lower. I think a nice balance is about 55 percent, with the rest of the people renting. I do think we need to reinvent rental housing, though. I think the kind of rental housing we have now, where you go find a landlord on Craig’s List and you get a place and they don’t fix the windows and the dishwasher breaks and you’re doing it; that’s crazy. I think with all the condos that are vacant, in fact, we’re even seeing this in Miami. And I see this when I go to Miami, it’s actually my cycling route. I cycle down through the city and through the City of Miami, into Key Biscayne. You see all the condo towers that went bankrupt, that were distress sales, now being turned to rental. And what’s interesting is you’re renting from a real rental agency, the housing is nice and high quality, but it’s very affordable, lots of people are streaming back into downtown, empty nesters, young people, people with families, more street-level activity.

I even imagine something more than that, where you could sign up with Acme Rental Company, or XYZ Rental Company, and if your job changes in New York, or San Francisco, Toronto where I live, and you want to be closer to where you work, you can switch apartments. Or if you transfer to the West Coast or the Midwest or wherever it is, San Francisco, Chicago, you can basically be part of that rental company’s units there. Some way, and I think with the excess inventory—according to one analysis, we now in the United States have 8 years, 103 months, of excess housing inventory; well, somebody’s got to do something with that. If companies over the course of the reset in an entrepreneurial fashion begin to roll that up, begin to provide mass rental housing, if you will, and what gives me—I talk to a lot of developers and I speak to developers' forums, I was just at the Urban Land Institute: multi-family housing is one place people are actually profitable in.  

And just to spice up things a bit, here is a video I showed to one kid in office today. She went to Vashi station for the first time in her life and was impressed by it. When it was first constructed and Vashi was still a growing far flung suburb of Mumbai, the station won a lot of rave reviews. So much so that this movie song was also shot on location in the station. The actress is actually in the middle of eh song gyrating on the tracks. Development is always Sexy.