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The gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages; the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning; neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country; it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile. 

Robert Kennedy

It takes a politician to get the economist to see a saint. I think it’s a lovely quote. Like a perfect politicians quote. It takes something that everyone knows and misunderstands and then wraps a lovely story about what it is not and then completely drives it to the ground by measuring it against something it wasn’t meant to measure.

Gross national product or the GNP. I remember being in an interview once in my B school. I think it was a summer internship with Shoppers Stop. Shoppers Stop was a coveted item in my B school. One of the few companies that was respected in college and wanted to recruit from us. In the interview they had asked me what my favorite subject was. I had practiced the answer in my head. Economics. I knew that one. So great, what’s the difference between GDP and GNP. Huh? Nopes. I did not know that one. I suspect neither did the interviewer. No, I don’t have a story in where I gave an amazingly false answer and got through. I was rejected and failed to get through. How can you like economics and not know this basic difference. Hah!

I remember walking out and then later asking my friend who was an economics post grad.. so what’s the difference. He knew this and answered PAT. It went something like this ‘the GDP (gross domestic produce) is the worth of all the goods and services of Indian and foreign nationals residing in India while the GNP measures the same of all Indian nationals across the world. I haven’t forgotten that in 19 odd years, but I admit that I had to check the internet to ensure that I hadn’t gotten it wrong.

But still, much as I think the quote is completely out of context with GNP left defending what it was not meant to protect, I still love it. Yes, the infatuation for GNP number is possible stupid when you see only one number and try and measure it as a means to know your success. Economics is much different than that. There are various indicators that we must look at but I think GDP or GNP, or both together are still by far the most important numbers for an economist to track to get a fair first idea of the countries well being. Then the next could possibly be the Gini Coefficient. This one measures the inequality in the country. So while you are a great economy and produce truck loads of everything, the Gini coefficient help you understand the difference between making money and spreading it to everyone in your economy. If the Gini coefficient doesn’t improve with the GDP number, you are basically screwing yourself over by creating possibly a class divide in the country and possibly your country smacks of croony capitalism! Then you look at happiness indicators (which are as dumb or as smart as the surveys designed), or other metrics such as mortality, education, womens well being etc.

My favorite over the years is the simple metrics of how a society treats its women is possibly in my mind the best indicator of how a community or a society will develop. Keeping women out of the ambit of decision making, management and general freedom will doom a society faster than anything else. Since 25 years I have been seeing how women are moving the needle in India. From my batch of MBAs that passed out I see a smaller number of them working. Now I see more and more women who take career as a serious choice and not something that they have to do just to pass some time before motherhood takes its toll. They are taking active decisions and are part of the entire spectrum of the work force. I see women who are far more confident now than they were ever before. They move out and take their decisions. You meet some of them on the field and you can see that they are smarter, sharper and more confident of themselves.

It will take a generation for things to change and for a country as a whole, it will take a couple more. Culture is a huge thing and it takes time to change. There must be enough impetus, heros, role models and constant hammering for change to happen.

Today in the morning one the highway I saw a couple walking, with the male having his hand around the women. What was striking was that the couple belonged to a lower income demographic. Normally, this is not done. Earlier only the rich and the famous would do that (when I was growing up), then the young and the happening (like us in college), then it filtered down slowly. And finally – I see the young from a lower demographic doing it like the rich! Now the culture is changing. It takes  a lot. First it has to be cool and desirable behavior and then it gets caught in on popular culture icons, like movies and TV serials, then it moves down and vast. I remember seeing Haridwar many years ago and remarking that the kids from the villages seem to be wearing jeans and the girls are wearing it as well. These girls will grow up wearing jeans and change the lives for themselves and for their families as well.

Women must be encouraged to stand up and manage themselves. They possibly need a little help from the rest of society to help them integrate more easily, but then the sops must be slowly withdrawn. We don’t want them to be softened, we want them as one. No difference. Part of it all.

One small thing I managed to pull off. At Matunga Gymkhana, we are a bunch of men trying to manage the gymkhana. That’s because the rules are stupid. When a family takes membership, it takes it in the primary member’s name and then everyone else in the family joins in. The membership is taken as a single person but mentally everyone takes it as a family. Since the membership is the basis for eligibility for official posts, we have a situation where the management is all male affair. And it stinks. At least when the new restaurant was being designed, I managed to plant a seed in the minds of the powers that be to swap the loos. Give the bigger ones to the women. Surely they require more space. They need atleast two commodes and a lot of space to dress. We men just need a piss pot, one commode and a half mirror. We can manage just right. This got done and I think generations of women will not know who to thank for this small change in their lives at the Gymkhana.

Now my next one – to introduce an amendment that allows spouse of members to take official roles in the management of the Gymkhana. That would again go a long way in the long term management of the Gymkhana.  So the next time I have a suggestion from a woman, i can tell her, sure - we need people like you to help us do what you want us to do. Please join the gang! It will take time. but it will get there.

parenting is a lot like making a nuclear bomb

“Jispa, I hate you combing hair in the car. Your hair are all over and then you don’t collect them and throw them properly. When you throw them out they fly back in. Take your hair and roll them up before you dispose them”

“ok, ok, I am doing that”

“you know my grandmother would comb her hair, roll them in a circle and then before disposing them put the bunch in a folded paper”

“why would you do that?”

“she did that so that the hair don’t get stuck in a little bird’s legs. She was all jain”

“oh, all Jain and all… Hmm.. Why are we not Jain?”

“you are Jain. We are Jain. You were born a Jain”

“no seriously, why are we not Jain, really. Why don’t we practice and all”

“ah. Jasmine and I were religious at one time. Not too much, but we did believe in God and we did go to temples and pray. But then once when we were in Haridwar..”

“there is a story to this as well? There is a story to why we do not follow Jainism”

“oh ya. There is story to that as well”

I have written about this story before. I explained to her the story of how we turned completely non-religious and it was thanks to her. In short when once we were in haridwar and the dam hotel guide happened to be a pujari who made us chant a few mantras before releasing  lamp into the river. Jasmine and I did not bother too much but we saw Jispa repeating like it was important. That day, I told her, that day I took a decision that “you may learn to pray form you grandmother or anyone, but you will not learn to pray from me”.

Yes Jispa, almost everything has a story to it. A lot of what we do is dictated by our interactions with you. A lot of it willingly and a lot of it unwittingly. I don’t we have complains but its true, parenting shaped us much more than we anticipated.

Finally! Jispa and I went to see a movie with each other. I waited 13 years for this day. She is finally into action movies and Jasmine gets tortured watching these thaka thaki movies with no head or tail. Jispa and I went for the X Men Apocalypse yesterday. Quite a sad movie it was. My view is that 13 year old kids are happy with all the special effects and the action heroes doing all kinds of mind bending tricks but nothing can work with an absent story line. It was an ok movie but just going with Jispa for it was well worth the experience. We have stayed next to the IMAX theatre for 10 years now but finally we are enjoying the proximity. The Imax screen does allow for a lovely 3D experience with bright screens and a large format with great sound. It is quite an awesome thing to be staying next to!

When we thought of parenting we hadn’t bargained for all this. We knew it would be fun and that it would change us in a definite sort of way but we did not really know the large consequences of our small action.

This is chaos theory in full action. Chaos Theory or the butterfly effect is basically a theory that explains that small differences in the initial conditions can have large, profound impact with almost unimaginable results. I think parenting is just like that. It is chaos theory in full effect, where you can see it in full action. For Jispa’s upbringing joining Matunga Gymkhana for us was a chaos theory in action. I remember convincing Jasmine to join the Gymkhana. We had a little extra money and the memberships were available. So we joined it and for a year we did not even do much with it. But then we got to the gymkhana and did a tour of the various sports facilities and met the coaches involved. We thought she should play some sport and zeroed in on badminton as the sport she should play. The timings or something matched well. Then we thought that she also might as well learn swimming as that is a life skill. ‘She should at least learn swimming’. This small change in initial conditions changed our life in a way that we could think possible. Now we have a Mumbai champion in the house. We wake up, do our shit and learnt so much about ourselves in the process. Wow. Who would have thought.

Going to the evening aarti at haridwar was a small decision we took and it changed our views on religion in a way that impacted our thinking and possibly impacted Jispa’s religious thought forever. From an atheist mindset, who knows what leap she shall take!

Such is life. Small changes in initial conditions take on a life of their own. They bring about changes in your life that you are completely unable to think through. So why do we even bother about big decisions in our life. These big decisions are most of the time not too smart and in any case we cant really figure out the consequences of what we do. Smaller decisions, like who are friends are, what books we read, whom we talk to, what we experience and what all we want to do, shape us in many ways that we think impossible. I think the simple rule is – try something new. As long as you have exposure to multiple things you have a chance to grow from it. Exposure is the key to it. You have to keep trying in an effort for the chaos theory to take shape. You have to keep making small small initial changes to the conditions you see around you. These will have massive impacts in your life. Not having them is a real problem, because then you don’t have a chance to break through and create systems that are beneficial for you in the long run.

Reading and understanding Physics has contributed more to my understanding of Life and Marketing  than anything else. It is a beautiful science where at some basic level, the new science in physics, especially quantum physics is telling you that - you really don’t know anything for sure. It’s nothing but a chance and you have to give it enough chance to succeed. In my understanding the nuclear bomb design is also the same thing, at some level.

The theory was summarized by Edward Lorenz as: Chaos: When the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future.

So there you are in simple words, the wisdom of life. Read it, understand it and know it that you don’t know anything in life!

chomp chump morning!

Today morning I got up to drop Jispa to swimming and decided to go for my badminton. I try and avoid Wednesdays as I think I need one day rest in a week, but since I had bunked my pilates yesterday and I overslept in the bargain I thought I would be able to manage the badminton session.

I figured that I could come home and have breakfast after the game and so I told Jasmine. She asked that if I could come home, then I could possibly come and pick Jispa from the pool and take her to school as well. I thought a bit and said sure, lets try.

I finished my game a bit early, though with the heat the game was over for everybody. Today morning was possibly the hottest and most humid game of the year. We were dying for fresh air in the court. It was a stuffy and tiring and sweaty atmosphere.

I reached home and I had to make my own breakfast. I had the best ingredients for what I wanted to make. I showered and changed and switched the AC on and Then I went into the kitchen and I did not realise what it is to cook against the clock. It was 715 by then. I started chopping the tomates. I then realized that I could treat my self to a bit of coffee as well. I normally restrict my compumstion of coffee in the week. If I havce coffees for two consecutive days then on the third day, without fail I will have a headavhe I don’t have coffee. It happens to the clock, on the dat – after exact 24 hours. I have no clue why coffee depravation headaches are like this. To the CLOCK>

So I savour my coffee in the week. I only have it as a well-considered treat. So while cutting the tomates, I knew I was short of time so I put the water to boil and cut open the new pack of coffee which my dear friend got for me from Bali. It looked extra course to me. I thought I will use the south Indian filter instead of the French press. I packed the coffee in the filter and started to cut the tomatoes again. Then I cut my left thumb. I ran to the bedroom and pulled out a band aid and stuck it on the thumb, cut the rest of the tomatoes (after wiping some the blood from it). I got the bread, removed the chutni from the fridge, applied it fast. Then I removed the foamer from the cupboard and the soya milk from the pantry and then poured the soya milk into the foamer. Then I got the toaster (the one in which you put the sandwich in and put it on the gas flame). Then I got the special lovely awesome lactose free cheese and cut a piece. Jasmine brother in US sent these for me, specially. It’s awesome cheese. Thanks dear friend. There is nothing I love more, than lactose free awesome cheese…. Then I pulled out the grater. Then I put the tomatoes, the cheese and the oregano mix. Then I put the water into the filter. Then I put the Sandwich in the toaster and then I removed the olives form the fridge, then I made a few more sandwiches, then I almost burnt one sandwich, then I managed to remove it from the toaster (it was stuck on one side). Then I made another one, then I removed the coffee from the filter. I think the coffee was too mild as the ground of the coffee was too coarse for the South Indian filter. Then I saw that I had almost burnt the next sandwich, then I got the foamer to work, then the sugar in the coffee, then the sandwich got stuck again and I had to scrape it out. I had to literally take a knife and bang the bread out of the damn toaster. Then I got my third sandwich and the put in the plate, got my coffee and the put some ketchup on the plate and then I sat to eat. Wow…. Cooking is fun but cooking against the clock is crazy. I was done and my heart beat was up.

I sat in the AC to eat my food and I realized that I have to leave in ten minutes. So I get in and slap the stuff on the dining table and started munching the burnt sandwhiches and drinking the very mild shitty coffee and slapping sauce on it. The newspaper hadn’t come till then so I read a few pages on my kindle while eating the breakfast that I made. Damn it man. I took the best possible ingredients and had the worst possible breakfast in my life.

It was now time to run, so I tryand get ready when I remember that jasmine complains that I nowadays don’t clean up after my meals so I pick the plate, the ketchup, the tabasco, the olives, the mug and put everything in its place. I wash the foamer and put that properly in its place. And then I rush out. While I rush out I thought I might as well keep the hall door closed so that it traps some of the air conditioned air so Jasmine gets something nice when she comes in. Then I rush out to the car and rush to pick Jispa who I learn is late as her coach gave them extra practice, after which I had to really speed up to get her to school. Whew.

What a fast paced 70-80 minutes I had. I think my heart rate did not down for an hour afterwards. Then in the afternoon , Jasmine calls up and remarks “so, someone had a nice breakfast with the AC on, huh!”. ARrrrggghhhhhhh. I wanted to take my head and bang it on the table. I told her “I am not telling you but read the blog once I finish it. It was one hell of a shit morning! And I wasted my coffee and my lactose free cheese in the process! 

management principals from shopping with your daughter?

Jispa was listening to a song which I recognized. It was “fast car” in a version that I was not so familiar with. It sounded different… i wasn't sure if i liked it.

I asked her, is it fast car? yup it was… but happened to it. I told her its a remixed versions of the original. Ya? So today when she did not have swimming I had to drop her to the school, Jispa was pretty excited. She had made it clear at home itself that we were going to listen to songs along the way. She started with her version of Fast Car. Then I asked her to play the original by Tracy Chapman. Tracy’s version is brilliant and her voice is clear and the words play out brilliantly. Jispa and I were in unison, the original was much better than the remix. Then I asked her to play my favorite song. I used to play it earlier when she was much smaller. She vaguely remembered it. And through the song I could practically sing it word for word. It was fun, singing it in the car with Jispa. The song I sang - With or without you by U2. A classic rock song.

This was my brothers favorite song and from that it became mine :). Its nice to pass some legacy to Jispa.

—

Last weekend was race weekend. The final and most important meet of the swim calendar as far as Mumbai is concerned was held this weekend. This meet decides the top swimmers of Mumbai who will represent us in the state meet. I went in expecting nothing much. Jispa has been a good swimmer, a very good swimmer, but in India, you really have to be really damn good to be amongst the medals. There are so many of us competing. The famous line is that even when you are 1 in a million then there are more than a thousand of you. As the kids grow up more and more kids give up swimming. For many reasons - studies or simply boredom! the pry maid grows narrower. Also now in her age group she needs to specialise as every kid is allowed only five individual events to compete in. Jispa did us proud. very proud. She got through events with three golds and two bronze. She added two relay Gold medals to her kitty as well. She was the best back stroker with Golds in the 50, 100 and the 200 meters. With the bronze coming in the 100 and 200 free. With this she missed the runner up trophy by a small point difference as the runner up went to the girl who did two gold and three silver. Hah! Missed by this much. But all said and done it was a brilliant performance. I had never thought that she would be this good. In one of the back stroke races, i watched it from the gallery and saw her score an easy victory. An easy victory robs you of some type of joy. So I dryly asked after the event, if she broker the record. A swim mother near by heard me and said “thats exactly what we are. First we want them to get a medal, then we want gold and now when they get gold, we ask for a record time”. We swim parents are never happy are we? I think we parents are never happy. So ashamed was I from my behavior. I had shown no joy and no real emotion on this success. After the events I made it a point to show my pleasure and pride to Jispa. I thought it was necessary to celebrate a bit of the success we had achieved. And what better way to celebrate the victory by going immediately to the store and buying Jispa her bluetooth music player.

As Jispa grows its nice shopping with her. We tend to look at stuff similarly in many ways. We have bought stuff together and had fun doing it, both online and in stores. It is a sharp contrast from the earlier days it was a pain to shop with her. Sh wouldn't know her style and we would tear our head apart trying to get her to shop. I think Jasmine still doesn't like shopping with her. Lets recount some nice experiences. One was when we bought distress jeans! Yo man, When Jispa asked me if I could buy her distressed jeans, of course I said yes. I wear distressed jeans and there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to wear it. Only difference is that I have never “bought” distressed jeans. My jeans became distressed after years of use. After they got old, they would naturally tear. I have of course perfected a technique to help them get distressed. You take a scissor and then you take the blade and scrape the jeans near where you want them to tear. The blue three wears away leaving the white three grip exposed perfectly. Jispa wanted to buy jeans and distress them in the same way. Jasmine wouldn't have any of it. think mothers are programmed to think in a single direction. So all we did is that we bought new distressed jeans, thanks to ME. Hah! I was the one who searched for the distressed jeans that were just cool enough. Another thing that I have bought for her, is that I first shortlisted a denim shirt and a white shirt. i knew what she wanted. I have got a handle on her style. I did this online and then waited for her to confirm it before ordering it. I also bought for her, her super awesome ankle length canvas Converse sneakers. The really cool ones. Its much better when dad and daughter get a common sense of style and also music.

This sounds banal enough but you have no clue how much it means to me that we are able to do stuff together. Even buying the bluetooth speakers, Jasmine was happy to just hang around as we heard the various speakers on offer. We were commenting like audiophiles on the sound quality and the boom and the clarity of vocals etc. We heard the sony, the LG and even the Bose speakers before honing in on the one we want. The Bose did sound a bit clearer. It cost three times the Sony one we liked. Jasmine was happy to go for the Bose. Then Jispa and I conferred and we decided that we will got or the Sony. Simple - if she roams around with Bose it would be too much responsibility to handle. This Sony is far less expensive to loose. That was the simple arithmetic in both our heads. The sound was not that much better in comparison to the price headache that gave it too much responsibility. Complex decisions are taken by simple considerations.

When parenting Jispa the big issues are simply trying to get a common perspective on various things. Shopping, clothes, music, style whatever. Of all JIspa has the least choice by the simple thing of her being the tiny child, but as a parent we have to realize that we will get richer not by our choices but by hers. She is the new lot, she will define our life from now on. She will be exposed to various new stimuli and trends that we have to learn from. We as adults have to use our experience to allow then into our lives. As is in parenting so is in life. The experience that you gain as an adult as you get older is worth only to tell you your potential pitfalls or to analyze the situation. it doesn't tell you what is right. It can tell you what looks to be probabilistically right, but only from your older, now fast going defunct experience. In my new job I am the oldest man on the floor. Here also I have tried to bring the same approach. You know  a lot of shit when you see it but you also don't know when you are going to be blind sided. You have to always allow yourself to see the new persecutive and bet some on it. Any new idea and and new way to do things is what you have to keep a watch for. One simple trick that I taught my self a few years ago keeps me in good stead. in any conversation where there is someone trying to tell something new and if I am not sure I buy it, I recreate the argument and open my mouth trying to praraphrase his argument taking his side. So this way it is very clear in my head that I have given it my best shot before rejecting the idea. Also I hope it gives the person on the other side a clear indication that I have given it my best shot and audibly argued the both sides before deciding on the course of action.

you will still make mistakes, not connect, build enemies and be a dud but at least this way you have given it your best shot. Many times i think I have reconsidered my original action and have decided to go with the other way. It is a big one and I wonder why this simple trick is not taught in any management classes or text book. In an argument agree with the other person to start with and then build your case  - this way you don't have an argument to start with. WAT SAY?

watch the old man groove!

followed by

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Normally i cant handle radio. too much of crap music followed by even more crazy RJs involve with their own voice and their own stupid jokes. Jasmine loves her radio and listens to it when ever she travels in the car which is like a large and important part of her day. i cant handle it more than a few minutes. Now that Jispa has her songs on her cell phone, its interesting listening to her songs which I kind of enjoy. The other day we were just sitting on the dinning table and listening to the youtube selection of Coldplay. It was a moment of some bonding! Hah! that was a brief ephemeral moment of papa daughter having something to share.

She later asked me - am I allowed to use my cell phone as a music player. Ya sure, I answered. Of course you can, why not? She said that Mom is saying no! Hah! Jispa is one of those who likes her music and likes to listen to it while studying or while doing practically anything. Anything besides swimming. Before swimming I am not allowed to listen to the radio, a song or even sing one. Because then it gets stuck in her head while swimming and nothing is more irritating that that. I had gotten her a nice set of JBL headphones. Jasmine is also right, music is also a source of distraction as she constantly fiddles with her song list when she is listening to it, even when she is studying or doing something. And mom doesn't let her listen to music with her headphones on. I am assuming its because then she wont listen to anything mom shouts out for or possibly she would listen to it too loud. hmmm.

I asked her if she would like a good music system that plays music via bluetooth from her cell phone. Wouldn't that be cool. I have been trying get a good system at home for some time. Jasmine listens to music while cooking and my servant from 10 years, Deviki listens to it while doing her work and now Jispa. AND I HATE MY UGLY RADIO AT HOME. It sounds like shit. Its a old cheap box which we bought as a cheap cheap thing when we had less money. After that I have been after Jasmine to upgrade but she refuses. I cant listen to music on that crap boom box. So now that Jispa has come of age, I am going to but one just for her. Any decent good one that plays bluetooth and possibly has a radio for Jasmine and Devki’s sake. Lets see, that would be a good gift for her. After all what is a teenagers life if she doesn't get a music system as  gift from her dad!

While driving a few days before I saw this ad for a retro radio station on the a billboard and I knew I had to just tune in. Dam cool. You know you are old when a retro music station is belting out numbers that you just loved listening to as you were growing up. Aint that the cool old thing to do. I guess they probably appeal to the 40 year old who still love listening to songs that he grew up to. They re the perfect audience with all the money in the world. A 40 year old. The young kid has got no money and a fleeting loyalty and of course internet music that besides them no one else listens to! 

So today morning when i was coming to office I put on the radio to the retro channel and I heard the awesome tracks back to back - Om shanti om, yard aa haha hai an then the heavily inspired Jumma chum de de. I couldn't help singing these tracks and grooving to these beats while driving. People would have thought I was a joker but it was great. These are amazing tracks and filled my mind with a ton of positivity and energy, not that I think I need it early morning but a little more spring wouldn't hurt at all.

So that was fun and this radio channels dded some meaning to my morning commute today! yo man!

go forth and ....

Arrgghhh… I dread the days that I am the only one at the pilates class! He kills me. Normally if there are a couple more - preferably kids or ladies in the class, it make s huge difference. The trainer’s attention is diverted and you can generally cheat a bit by a doing  few reps less and by not going all the way in the exercises. But when you are alone, he is focus is on you and you alone. He tries to push you to do more and do right. He counts the reps properly and waits in the middle if you stop. Oh man. I don't know how people love personal trainers. I hate them. I refer training is a smallish group.

Today he made me do all sorts of things. And the big one! I can do the bakasan! This is a crazy asan. You first squat and then you put your hands in front of you and then slowly you lift your legs off the ground. And then you glance like a freaking frog but just on your hands. This is a tough thing to do. You try to push your legs so that they rest on your elbows and you try your best to stay there without falling front or back. When in the class they first showed it to me to do it, I was wondering if that was even possible. Why was he showing this to us - we cant achieve this at all! Slowly slowly overtime - I saw my self improve. One day I realized it was possible and that it required to get off your legs slowly and from the tips of your toes. I balanced for a fraction of a second. This became my new BIG ONE after the chakrasan! Slowly slowly I got more control on the asan. Today was a big moment. I could do it without the trainers helps and could hold the position for more than 5 seconds. Steady man Steady….

Wonder why its the crow pose - it should be the Frog pose!

but yes - after the workout that I cry to go to every morning I felt much better and fitter. I think it fundamentally aligns the body and keeps it fit. So yes - next Tuesday you will find me again at the place, trying to look like a frog who is actually a crow.

Jispa is now in the 8th standard. She now follows the IGCSC curriculum. So she has a choice to make - “should I do computer science or art or drama”. Now thats a weird choice to make. In many ways i think thats bucketing the students between the type of student they want to be. But hell, i don't mind whatever she takes. I said do what you want to. I asked what all they teach in each. After hearing her out I was ok with whatever she choose. “Art should fun”. “but is computer science like the right thing to do. Computers are all important and all, nah?” she asked me. Sure they are important. I have always maintained that computers are important along with math. But in this case I told her “listen kid, it really doesn't matter. sure computers are important but what is more important is that you enjoy and like what you do. Do whatever you enjoy. Computers have exams at the end of it, and that can be painful, i understand. Plus you are not really interested in it. When I was your age, I too did not understand the value or fun or future potential of computers. I did not know and I did not care. If you don't like it too much, its cool from my side. You do what you like. Art is fun and so is dramatics. I would have taken dramatics if I were in your place. Take art if you want.” Jasmine was clear - don't take art if you are going to get any art home work. with Jispa’s swim schedule, there is no time for any extra homework, which Jasmine will end up doing for her :) . I continued “Also understand, math is important but to a level where it allows you to choose what to do. If in the end you give it your best shot and you don't like math then thats cool as well. We drop it. If you like, do geography, do history. In fact I would be so happy to have you do history and we would discuss this stuff and WW2 together.” . “ya? What would I do with a  history degree”. “i don't know - be a teacher, write a book, do some research, or become museum curator I guess… Whatever. Do what you like and what interests you at the end of the day. And in the end - you can always do your marketing MBA and become a marketing manager”

 Wow - I was so proud of myself for having this conversation. I always wanted to have this conversation with her. Go forth and conquer. Just go forth. DO anything, try picking one thing that you like and that one thing that you think you are good air and where you find your passion. We can figure the rest!

Faltu bonus song - just to prove that I am still cool because eI listen to my daughters choice in music and thats whats plays in the car when we all go. She has her songs on the cell phone which then plays from the bluetooth. Cool. I am too cool.

love yourself (with a purpose)

I used to look down on foodies. I saw them as fat food junkies who were lazy and ate anything without really appreciating the food or worse still, appreciating food and nothing else. they lived to eat and their entertainment was only what you could eat. the archetype of the fat foodie was in my head and i had a healthy disdain for their kind. For me food was simple, put in your tummy as fast as possible and run forward. More cheese and fat was good as long as you could burn it. I for the hell of it, could never understand why people would like to spend their time and money to search for interesting places to eat and get ‘foodertained’.

My tryst with food I think started later in life, I think around five six years ago. From 2004 to 2008, my job involved some bit of traveling and I enjoyed the luxuries of flying the country and staying in five star hotels. I couldn't care less about going out and experiencing the city. For me it was a simple thing of getting to the hotel, ordering dine in and filling the bath tub and sinking in with the luxuries that are on offer. When the 2008 crash happened, traveling was the first to go out form the window along with five star stays. It was at that time that I realized that I had travelled but not really seen anything in any city. The big one I remember very clearly was when I was in Kolkata and my hotel was next door to the Kolkata zoo, I simply stayed put and never ventured next door. So when travel stopped I realized what I needed to do when it restarted. 

So when in 2010 I began to travel again for work, I decided to see the sights and see the cities in all their glory. Also a long work day meant that most of the time the free time would be in the evening and in the evening if you want to see the city then it has to be more gastronomical than anything else.

Thats how i slowly started sampling what the city has to offer in terms of food more than anything else. Amongst the food memories that i have these few stand out - the chai in the earthen pot in kolkata, the chills pakoda in vizag, the crazy food market at Manek chowk in Ahmedabad and the sarafa bazaar in Indore, the delhi parantha waali galli in chandini chowk and the soya chop sabzi in bengali market (delhi) which i can never forget, murugan idli in Chennai, the bhendi chips in ananda bhavan in Bengaluru, parathas somewhere in Chandigarh, and so on… Such is the rich experience I have had over the last few years and ofcourrse i have obviously missed many more lovely experiences. Plus these are the ones I have experienced as an official traveler. Those that I have had a leisure traveler are also too numerous.

The leisure ones I think started in earnest with our London trip. In London, we were out the whole day and the thing we subsisted on were cheap sandwiches which you get everywhere. you just pick up with a drink and chips and run along doing whatever you wanted to do. So thats what we ended up doing. On the first day I told Jispa - no matter how tasty the sandwich, we not have the same thing twice. So we experimented with every different sandwich and bread that we could and I found a willing ally in Jispa. We discussed the texture and the tastes and we enjoyed the variety that London had to offer us.

Now that I found food interesting and my palate began to develop, my mind followed and I began to look closely at what I could understand on food. Texture, taste, ingredients etc gave me insights into the kind of behavior and attitudes people exhibited and it began to shape a lot about what I saw and understood. The best was when Jasmine’s brother took us to the Hilton resort at Shillim (lonavala) which by itself was an extremely pricey hotel. There, we were there for a few days and I was bored with the standard fare so we experimented with a new restaurant in the hotel. We walked and started ordering only to realize that it was Fine Dine. To my amazement, i loved the food and loved sharing about the experiences with Jispa. He palate too had refined and she could also find discernible differences in the texture and the food and the course. I was hooked.

So this time on Jasmine’s birthday I booked ourselves at the Masala Library which I was told had a lovely tasting menu which was designed as a nine course plated meal. ( a lot of people in India don't even know what plated means). WE went and enjoy the mean and we were critical of it enough to know what we were served was clearly NOT clearly up to mark. It was the most expensive meal that would have eaten with my family and it was an experience in itself. All my life i have had times of feeling rich and feeling poor. I would feel rich only to create a (happy) instance where I went and over invested and ended up being poor till salaries rose.

These days I am feeling mixed. Rich due to a surplus spending potential but risk averse as i work in an insecure start up environment. So I thought why not take food as an experience and enjoy it with Jispa and the family. Jasmine too enjoys her food but she is an extremely tough nut to crack. She is not easily amused or vocal about it. Being from her Dand family she loves sweet and cold stuff more than anything else. Very rarely I have seen her get interested in food and drink and she rarely praises the food. It would take a lot out of her to get her to appreciate fine food. i must seen her praise some food only a few times in the time I have been with her. If she like an experience then it better be world class. Jispa and me on the other hand act like critics enjoying, praising critiquing the food we have anywhere, including possibly Burger King! We can get intellectual about fries with Jasmine wondering what the fuss would be about.

I think Jispa and me just love having these overtly intellectual conversations knowing that we are just having a ball of a time having  conversation.

For the record, the masala Library was a sore disappointment and not be had. Shit bland and overpriced menu and hardly beautifully decorated and plated. It was just a north Indian explosion of fat and taste. Rich wannabe Punju style with nothing in terms of texture and differentiated taste to show for it. Nothing at all. Just normal punk food served with some feeble attempt at style. Zilch!

moving on - there is something I also want to write about - Chakrasan. Go ahead and google it. Its a pose in Yoga. AN the humble chakrasan is the pose that stands for a lot of things in my life right now. I joined pilates class to get my back into shape and stretch my muscles. Later i realized it was a yogalates class. Basically a combo of yoga with pilates. It seeks to strengthen core muscles and promote a generally healthy body. I tried it at the start and it immediately helped strengthen my back which had started to hurt again in the middle. My core developed and so did my general strength and health. Twice a week in the morning I go for it. After two odd months I realized something… I hated the class but it was good for me. I hate the shit ass yoga music played and I hate the exercises and I hate the stretching I have to do. I hate the surya namaskars I have to do in different variations, but I know one thing - its good for me. I think I have always hated gymming out. I prefer playing some sport or a game instead. This is torture for me of the highest order. So many exercises that end up really hurting while I do it. Especially the plank! Its really really a tough thing to do. Then you have variations and other stuff, I hate. I hate the warm up routine and I hate the end routine. I keep looking at the watch as to what time will this end. And i hate the chakrasan. But I discovered a weird kind of will power while doing it. I realized that I was willing to do something that I completely hated and for me its is a source of strength and some proof that at 40 I still had control over what is right for me. Wow.

And chakrasan is the one thing that proves it for me. At the start I just couldn't do the chakrasan. then slowly slowly I could manage it. then one time, I was determined and I did it. the next time again I did it again a little more determined. this time, I sprained a little on the back where I think some of my muscles or nerves got entangled. So the last time, this week, I simply thought a little, cleared my mind and with my own time, I slowly lifted my body. I could do the chakrasan! wow. That was good. But still it doesn't escape the fact that I hate the class. And I am so proud of myself for hating the class and yet going in for it regularly in the morning! We all do things we love and we willingly make sacrifices for it but for doing something you hate and yet doing it as it is good for you in the long run, you know you have grown a little older, when that happens, isn't it?

Coming back to food, since I am lactose intolerant, I discovered the joy of having coffee with soy milk at the Starbucks. My favorite is the cappuccino soy, dry. Dry means that they put a lot more foam than the liquid from the soy milk. Nice strong and tasty with a ratchet of sugar. But when its hot, I have struggled for  finding relevance at the Starbucks. And I found a new one. A double shot expresso, served with Soy milk on the side. Along with Ice. Its funny because this is not on the menu. A double shot expresso with milk on the side is the cheapest on the menu and it not meant to be cold. Cold drinks are expensive at Starbucks. The cold coffee with soy milk is expensive as the cold coffee is made with cream, so you can choose not to add cream but you get charged for it. They aren't allowed to expresso on the rocks so I ask for all the ingredients separately and get it made according to my specifications at the bar. I love the strong drink I get and its the cheapest thing on the menu. haha! The joys of gaming your favorite place to be and getting your best thing done!

Also since Jispa got her cell phone every time we get into the car, we end up connecting her cell to the car bluetooth and listen to her collection of songs. I think the basic kind of music that the kids like hasn't change from my time. But its nice to get acquainted with music this way. Jispa, unlike me, loves her music and understands it. So who am I to stand in the way. So i happily listen to it and learn from it. New learning - Justin Bieber - the kid who shot to stardom and was tanked for crap music has made a come back. he is fans i am told are called ‘Beliebers’ and his latest album (Purpose) has been a hit and a come back to silence critics. Ofcourse not all critics are amused and of course there are detractors, but the point is that he changed his songs and the fans love it. Non Beilebers have turned and are listening. Jispa has it in the collection of songs she plays and I have heard it. I can safely say I am impressed. It is a bold new avatar for the guy!

here is the song and the music video

jispa and I both enjoyed it!

and now i saw this - a youtube response to the song. the Original is a guys perspective on a  break up and this one has both perspectives. The youtube stars now sing a song with both perspectives with the chick giving it a hard shot where it hurts and she is the one using expletives! Hah! that is one hell of a video. Yes for the record I saw it with jispa and I did not bleep the expletive!

teevee sheevee

I can tell you one thing for sure. Cable TV is amongst the greatest evils that are there in this world. for many years we lived without cable and all our friends wondered how we did that. I can say that after our experience atlas two of our close friends followed suit and banished it from their lives… to good effect. You then have more time for each other and you have more time for yourselves.

We took a cable connection some time back as it was important for me to watch the kabaddi matches. I was the guy who practically midwifed the Pune team and I still have roots attached to the team. I help them and am involved with them. It has been a rewarding experience personally. I learnt so much about the players and the sports and the stupid administration. The administrators are an authority into themselves and lack of press interest has led them to become complete and absolute authorities. But thats a story for another day.

So we took cable for the kabaddi season and then let it lapse. The next kabaddi season we renewed our cable connection. And this time - Jasmine started to watch the TV series 24. Its as perfect - the matches would end at 10 and her series would start at 10. I watch d a couple of episodes but I think I quickly realized that this is the DEVIL!

It is something that quickly sucks away your time and you don't know what to show for it at the end of it all. No improvement in knowledge or even entertainment value. I completely abhor it. Jasmine points out to instances where I sit to watch the series with her. Sure I saw the first series but then afterwards, sleeping at 11 after the series is something that I was not going to do. That would mean sleeping less and killing my work hours, especially in the afternoon.

I am not going to do that. But basically we then renewed our subscription. Soon enough Jispa started watching TV. She would pick up the remote and see whats there for her to watch. She started watching TV along with her food in the afternoon. There goes more family time. 

When the month of subscription got over - We renew it again as the world cup T20 is on and friends (who removed the cable thanks to us) came over and wanted to watch the match at our house.

Today morning we did not have swimming so Jispa decided to watch her movie yesterday at 9 pm. Jasmine had told her that her series will start at 10 pm so whatever she was watching wouldn't count. I left them at that and decided to sleep as I was going for my badminton game no matter what these jokers wanted to do. Sure enough at 10 Jispa walks in as she is banished from the TV. She come stop sleep next to me and she says she is mighty angry. Mom took control of the TV and chased her out. She was seeing her series and power won. Jispa was pissed as hell.

Now how do you placate a 13 year old girl who has her TV remote snatched from her. The answer - you don’t. So i decided to talk and distract her. We started discussing what all she remembered from her baby days. She remembered her first day ta school and then iI was recollecting her early days and then we tossed around a few memories. 

Memories - I think happy people, largely have happy memories. They are happy because they remember happy things that happened to them. Sad people are sad because they remember the sad things that happen to them. I think that Jispa is happy person. We recollected  bunch of stuff and then at some point, I told her that I am too sleepy and went to sleep. I think it put her in a good mood and now I am sure - TV is evil. TV destroys households and families. They stop people from interacting with each other! and this - was a classic case of control fights that we see. 

My brother and me always fought for the control of the TV. I remember bitter fights for control of the remote. It isn't pleasant. As india became richer, people started getting their own TVs in their own rooms. One the biggest fights I would have with my mom would be over her TV viewing habits. Not that I fought with her on which show to watch but more in terms of, please don't watch so much and keep the volume of these freaking irritating soaps so high. After Jispa was born I did not want to raise her watching these stupid irritating soaps and mindless cartoons.

Jasmine watches 24 - the first season was fun. I watched another season with her - that was ok. After this it just got repetitive. The plot was essentially the same. The same things happen and the same hero keeps doing the same things. The same office always has a man on the inside, there will be two big climaxes and there is an assassination attempt. How can you keep watching this shit!

I don’t have problems with entertainment. I love movies. Movies give us great joy and an escape and we love stories. I just have two huge problems with cable - one - its on a tap. Whenever you have nothing to do, you will take the remote and keep juggling. Second - it decides your time and not the other way around. In a DVD set up, you decide when you are going to watch the particular movie and not the other way around.

This is a social evil. This is a family evil. Read sleep walk. Anything but watch TV. I don't know right now what to do. I don't want to be the authority figure who refuses to renew the subscription. Jasmine will play her classic - i don't mind whatever you do but if you renew, I will definitely watch. Jispa will say whatever and I wonder if she will grow up to reprimand me - you never let us watch TV - you old fart!

So its weird. I hate this TV and I am angry, very angry that its there. But I guess people have to now grow up and make their own choices about what they want or don't want to do. Make your own mistakes and learn from it. 

parents are evil. period

When I ditched my nice cushy job at a large financial services firm to join the start up lives, I knew that I would be required to put in long hours and push the boundaries of what I knew or what I thought I could perform. What I did not know or anticipate, was the emotional involvement that the start up life takes out of you. I was ready for fast paced work, long hours, stupid young green horns, great tech guys, amazingly hardworking people, lack of processes, long nights of parties… but what I was completely not ready for - was this emotional involvement. This deep emotional feeling to see this succeed and be connected to. At my previous job, I was emotionally involved with my team but not with my job. I had no qualms leaving my job, but i had pangs of separation leaving my team. The team that I had taken 5 years to build perform. Handpicked, trained, emotionally invested in. Here - its right now the opposite. The team is still emotionally distant - obviously given the time, but the emotional connection with the company is off the charts. Last week I had gone to Delhi to attend a wedding in the family. As a policy I never ever take work on vacations, but this time I worked on both days, attended meetings and took calls. Happily and willingly. I guess my call was right in one respect at least. At 40, this is the right time to get into start up mode. Physically and mentally its a demanding role and getting to do these experiments will get tougher as I grow older. Right now, I have both the mental and physical ability to push the bar on this and push hard. I think one good call I have taken is, not to come to office on any Saturdays. 

Saturdays is something I have held sacrosanct. It was first while working at Hiranandani where I had all Saturdays working. That was a tough thing. As a young employee I remember working 6 day weeks and feeling the pressure on the Sunday. I remember feeling like sitting at home and relaxing on Sunday and Jasmine telling me - that she got only one day and she wanted to go out. That time I had told her that I will never ever tell her that I am tired to go out on any holiday. i have kept my word now for 16 odd years. From then on I have always lobbied for holidays on Saturday. In my previous firm, the different divisions oscillated between keeping two to three Saturdays working for half days and I lobbied against it. Its painful. So here when I joined I was clear, I don't work Saturdays. I am the only employee who bunks Saturdays and openly.

I think this passed off smoothly as often I am the first guy to come to office at around 8 - 830 am and amongst the late leaving guys at around 730 - 800 pm. This demonstration of willingness to work late has put me in a position so far where I am not yet questioned. I am not sure how long that would last but I know that if I want to save my Saturdays, I will have to work hard through the week and push the bar.

In this emotional roller coaster ride of a start up, my poor blog has received less attention than usual. Jispa though hasn't been getting less attention.Her grueling schedule means that we get some overlap time in the evenings. As she grows older I am trying hard, really trying hard to give her some space and freedom. She has been doing decently well. I was so proud that she finished at second place in the Khar swim Marathon! She swam for around 70 mins to swim around 5 or 6 kms. She decided on her own that this was the race she wanted to take part in and she enjoyed it. None of her friends participated in the race. But she swam well. Then came the stressful exam time and the stupid thing called Math. I think Jispa will drop math as soon as she can. I don't know what to do - encourage her or not. Math is important but then - I want her to be happy. As a teen she needs to just enjoy her career whatever she chooses. Math or no math! I think I will encourage her to do anything she wants! Just that keeping math keeps her options open, but we will let that matter rest till the decision time comes.

In the end, her grades just came in and I was happy with her grades. She did well. Of course she is not first in her class but I told Jasmine, for a Mumbai Swimmer with a grueling schedule and a marathon medal winner - these results are top class. If I don't take these results and be happy then I am an ass. Jispa - I am happy! officially. These are good results.

She has gone out for a camp and She will be back tomorrow. I would like to celebrate with her. She is getting a cell phone tomorrow. I repaired my cell phone (not so old a phone) which I discarded after I broke the screen twice. Its a cool phone. This also is I think something I pushed Jasmine. Not that she protested too much. But I think now 8th standard is good enough for a cell phone. But we are doing a cheap trick on this. We are giving phone but not yet giving data. She will get that at home and at friends place through wifi. hehehe. Jasmine and me are evil. We will burn in hell!