Where is your aggression?

What is aggression?

Going out and showing outwardly aggression. Showing off your anger. Pushing people, pumping fist, hitting hard shots. What is aggression?

I admit. I instinctively belong to the conventional wisdom of aggression. Trying hard and pumping fast. Show your aggression. Show your anger. Show your intent. Make it count. By nature I am an aggressive person. I used to use aggression to push myself in various situations. It helped me get my first job. They put us in a group and gave us topics for a group discussion. They also told us ‘kill the other guy if you need to but make your point and let it be heard’. What else would I want? That was all the invitation I needed. I pumped hard and maxed the discussions. Talking loud when chaos looms was my specialty.

But what got you here would not get you there. My age perhaps and my experience for sure has helped me change my aggression. I would say temper it… I would say change the way it manifests. A strong defensive shot is also aggression. Cricket has taught me that leaving the ball outside off stump is also aggression. In badminton, placing the shuttle quietly is also aggression.  Trusting yourself and pushing yourself in way that no one sees is also aggression.

See this video

I love this video. It typifies for me all that is aggression. All that is right and wrong about aggression. The Singaporean is outwardly aggressive. He is hitting the ball hard and fast. He is dominating the rally, but look at the Nigerian. He is focused on putting the ball back. Simply knocking it back into the table. Shot – Tap – Hard Shot – Tap – Harder Shot – Tap. No matter how far you are pushed and how less you dominate the game, finally the aggression can be simply in putting the ball back.

If you see his focus and see his anticipation and see how he released his pumped up aggression after the shot, you will realize that this sports person is as aggressive as the Singaporean. Not less. That is the aggression I am trying hard for.

Aggression that has no visual cue. Aggression that is internal. Aggression that has meaning. Aggression  that is not self-destructing.

It’s not that I can preach because I have achieved this. I haven’t. God knows I haven’t. But I am trying hard. Real hard. I have learnt it’s always better to be internally aggressive than externally so. But its  a Buddha state,  so painstakingly impossible to achieve. But the best way to achieve it is to have someone as a counterfoil. If you want to teach someone to not be aggressive then you have to not be so yourself and that helps you realize what it is to be such and what it takes. Teaching has helped me with many such instances. When I took up the teaching assignment around12 years ago I did not know it would permanently change me so.  I have become a teacher in class and in office and at home. It has helped me in many ways that I cant really understand or fathom. But surely it has helped me channelize my famous ‘doshi’ temper as my mom calls it.

My mom still thinks I have the doshi temper, possibly because she sees the temper. The aggression in me still. It may be masked for others but for my mom it may be just a different mifestation of the aggression. To her I may have never reduced my aggression. Possibly she is right. Aggression is core to me. I cannot possibly change it. can I fight genetics, but I can surely change the way it comes out. Aggression that is internal as the Nigerian showed can be different, useful and even heart warming. The goal is to reach there, inch by inch!

Inch by inch. Here is the other more glamorous side of aggression. This is what people call aggression and movies like these promote the notion of aggression that leads to results! Possibly it works as its easier to inculcate and transfer. But I doubt if this aggression is what leads to results. Matches and competitions are won in the head and not with your arms and limbs. They are there after years of practice but what makes you win – it’s the head.

Inch by inch –

Now listen to this as well….

This is also highly motivational. One could argue that this is what motivates people.

On the face of it this completely debunks everything I have said. But I would argue otherwise. I think this completely proves everything that I have said. The champion lies inside me. It is me. It is for me to figure what I have to do to be the champion. And more than anything, if I have to win I have to have belief in myself and in my ability – because who am I? I am a champion!

See the video below – the same wordings being used at possibly a talk before the game. Possibly to push the players.

But if you are losing and on a losing streak would this be something you want to mumble. I would argue not. But if you are a strong team and you love each other and back each other, you would scream this out even if you were losing. This I argue is nothing but a war cry, a chant that makes you feel like a team, because you shout out something in unison. It is a bonding ritual and it gets you going (it definitely gets me going) because we are at heart the hunter gatherer, the team that works together and fights together, because you can only hunt if you are a pack. Alone a hunter is often just simply dead! This riual makes you a part of a team. A team that is ready to perform and support you and fight for you, with you. But it doesn’t take away the fact (actually it’s an opinion) that the game is internal and in your head! And your head is better off knowing that if you do your job you have your team to back you up while they do theirs!

changing the world - one shower at a time

Ah the pleasures of a shower. I remember as a kid when I was growing up in Dubai I would have a shower bath. It was fun. Then when we came to Mumbai, for the first few years we stayed at our old place. Mom and dad later bought a largish house in a more modern apartment block which had all the modern trappings but till then it was the traditional 1970’s house. So our bathroom had a small instant heater which let out small quantities of water. Basically a really small tap attached to what I think was a brass geyser. We would use it to fill the bucket with water and then have a bath. I realized pretty quickly that since it was at a height I could simply stand under the water flow and think of it as a shower.

I love having bath. I could have a bath for an hour, with the water flowing forever. Showers are the coolest thing ever. It takes me just 10 minutes to get properly wet else I don’t even think I have gotten wet. Jasmine takes quick showers and wonders what on earth is going on. How does one explain the great fun of the water slowing over you?

So as a kid when we moved to the new house the first thing that got me excited was the shower. There was a huge capacity hater geyser over head and that was super cool. I could have a bath under the showers for almost forever. But this myth was to be busted. Of course  at first there was mom and dad. They would knock on the door when time went out of hand. And there were siblings. With three kids wanting to shower, one couldn’t really have an unhindered long bathing session. But the crucial point was something else. This was a storage water geyser, means that in some time the hot water would run out and you would get cold water flowing. What crap! The pleasures of a warm shower being affected by something as mundane as capacity.

When we shifted to our current home, I was happy to see the same but modern version of the old small water geyser. This geyser would simply heat the water and go on for hours. It was not a storage water geyser. Awesome fun started again. These years have been fun again! We have been enjoying the benefits of the water geyser and hot water for hours. Jispa has taken up after me. She too likes hanging around the shower. I am sure like me; she plays in the water, and throws water around. I used to do that in the hand shower. Throw water up and wonder what happens :). And like my parents, we too scold her and keep knocking – come out come out. Oh dam you bloody parenting.

It’s such a pain. There isn’t time to have a leisurely shower and refresh. I was explaining to Jispa the other day that four hours of your day goes away thanks to your swimming and hence there is no way you can spend time like this doing the things you want to do. Such a tough choice.

But this isn’t about her, it’s about showers. I have genuinely tried many times to cut short showers, use cold water and other stuff… but I always revert back to the old hot showers. In fact I used to have really hot showers which I managed to cool down. I think it makes my skin drier. Then I have tried to really go in and come out fast. Soon enough the lure of spending 20 minutes in a shower relaxing and thinking about great world changing ideas was too much to give up on.

In monsoon when the rains gets delayed there are many articles on how the rain water must be conserved and how we don’t have enough water. This time I decided to do something about it. I decided to get out the buckets and decided to have water from hot water filled in the buckets. “Ya sure” was Jasmine’s reaction to this. I asked Jispa if she would do the same. She was happy to comply as well.  So now I have tried to have atleast one bath with the water stored in a bucket. Pretty stupid thing, I am sure it going to turn out. One more of the failed ideas. I don’t know how long it will last. My wife thinks it will last till winter at best. But at least a few showers a week will convert into bucket baths and that is also a decent thing. something is better than nothing.

The flip side – world changing ideas can wait for the evening bath!

Bonus video!

Eat a lot of chocolates

The Pro kabaddi league is off to a great start. I happen to be in the middle of the entire drama as one of the teams is owned by Uday Kotak in a personal capacity. Like always I love being exposed to a variety of experiences and being involved in a sports team is definitely amongst the most interesting experiences of a lifetime.

The first thing was naming the team, then some designs and some posters… I have blogged about being involved in the making of the song and video… here is the final video

Man it was amazing fun!

The matches have started well in earnest. But I see quite a few issues that need to be ironed out. At the start itself I had told the team to focus on diet and nutrition along with training as a core requirement. Budget constraints pushed it out of the reckoning. I had my chance again when we lost two close opening matches. I saw what the team was having. They were having energy drinks and protein drinks at no predefined intervals. No plan no thinking only drinking. This made no sense to me. Thanks to Jispa and her sport I am aware of a few things. You need carbs before the matches and you need protein after to recover. Simple basics and you have to be hydrated with electrolytes and not with high sugar energy drinks. Sugar is a killer. And where the F are the bananas in the entire picture? The team was without any such food. Hence I got the ear of a senior guy and I directly rammed it in. This team is eating all wrong. They are getting wrong nutrition and wrong training.

I see being a team owner as a kind of responsibility. A responsibility to all the players that you have bought for your team. They need to be taken care of. Especially in kabaddi when the players are from the hinterland and are not really well off or are not really exposed to the scientific training mindset. These guys are players whom we need to groom and prepare for the long run. They will go back to their teams and they have to tell everyone and spread the word what they have learnt. So now thanks to Jispa I could push my point across and thanks to that we have got a budget sanctioned for a trainer and a masseur for the kabaddi team.

Then I remember the experience I had with the cricket team and then the interaction I had with Anil Kumble once and how he spoke about enjoying practice and I found that a big thing. Even Tendulkar and Dravid can get bored doing the same net practice every day. That’s right. You may be the best in the world but you can still be bored at doing the same thing every day. The idea is to have fun and do a wide variety of things that can get you to be the best at what you are. Its fun and a challenge.

The point being that life is a collection of experiences. You build on what you experience. On what you learn from anywhere. I never knew that Jispa’s swimming and an event with Anil Kumble along with my cricket playing would help me help a Kabaddi team and then who knows where this experience will take me. I am reminded of the movie Forrest Gump and eth famous dialogue of life being like a box of chocolates. Here look at this scene… its lovely and extremely philosophical.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Only thing is that you have learn from every chocolate you eat!

here.. one more bonus video!

teri ma ki...

The last week was a very tiring week. After many years I got a bad attack of tonsillitis. As a kid the tonsils have given me enough trouble. Come the monsoon and an attack of tonsils would be imminent amongst other illness. Then I remember I had an undertaken a long homeopathy course – six months I guess and my tonsils healed and I never got a bad attack from then on. I remember getting a little sore. I would then gargle with warm water mixed with Haldi and honey and then pop in a few capsules of septelin and a few paracetamols if required, but somehow manage and get to college. Reaching college was an important thing. Especially in TY. I remember this very well. I was tired of falling ill and I was the dam hobby centre secretary. I couldn’t fall ill. But I wasn’t feeling great. But I hung on and managed to stay in there and not fall completely ill. I think I was managing with a little fever but carrying on nevertheless.

But luckily tonsils and I stayed friends for a long time since then. Then last week tragedy struck… with a  vengeance. I had the worst attack of tonsils I have ever had… ever. Fever wouldn’t recede even on having paracetamol. Then our ayurvedic doctor advised us to go west. So we had to go to Jasmine’s aunt and get allopathy medicine. By the time we reached her maternity home, I had 104 degrees  fever when measured in the armpit – that meant it was more if measured from the inner mouth. Boy. I really wanted to see that 105 degree mark. All my child life, I have always wondered – what happends when you cross 104. We have never let that happen. That is serious shit. And the one time it was going to happen – I missed out on seeing it. I guess the right thing to do was to photograph it and put it on FB! 105 – what a freaking achievement. But I guess I was in no mood or had any energy left to do anything.

A few injections here and there and a dose of anti bitotics served with a  needle sticking in my right arm … and in a few minutes I was sweating and sleeping. I was gone….I slept for 12 hours straight. My first hospitalization. As a kid I always wanted to be hospitalized. I guess I was just a publicity seeker. Any which way. If my exploits in the school were not enough then I guess my weakness could get me some attention. But it took – 38 years to come and shit man. It sucks. Hospitals suck. I hate them. I need to get my hospital insurance bumped up to a 5 star room level so that if anything happens then I get access to some amazing rooms in some amazing place. Single room – sea view, large bathroom. It should be a hotel stay not a hospital stay. Heheh.

My boss had a heart issue a few years back and he told me later – that it’s important to protect your health first more than anything else. Because no matter what at the end – it’s you who is in the hospital bad, it’s you who has to stay there and it’s you who has to view the ceiling.  It’s obvious advice but it’s profound on many levels. No matter what you do for anyone for any job at the end when your health fails it’s you who has to face the consequences alone. You surely hurt those around you and they have to be in hospital with you. But the truth remains – you are alone and completely on your own on that bed looking at that ceiling.

One of the things that fatherhood, marriage and work has taught me. Actually rephrase that to age has taught me… I keep saying this to everyone – tu akela hai. Surely my daughter loves me. of course she does but she has a life of her own, she has to live it by herself, I can’t rely on her all the time. Same with my wife, same with my family or office colleagues. I may give them a lot and they probably owe me a lot and I too owe them, but you can’t call on these brownie points. In fact these brownie points are valuable because they are unused, not because they can be used. It’s funny – it’s like a little secret in a lock. Or like Schrodinger’s cat. Opening the box collapses the probability. Don’t look and don’t open. Let it be closed forever.

Unrelated – my Bluetooth profile name is ‘teri ma ki’. Like  a expletive… teri ma ki… So when I start my Bluetooth on my phone it displays teri maa ki. Yesterday Jispa just asked me – what does teri ma ki mean. Oops… nothing Jispa…. Its like a bad word, will explain later. Heheh. That was a fun moment.

And here is one bonus video of Schrodinger’s cat. I have been tossing that theory for almost everything these days. I love it and the way it keeps probabilities intact till it just opens the box and then… full bheja fry. These days I am using it to explain marketing these days!

how do you say ghyeun tak in French?

There is so much you can learn from people. Especially if the people who you meet come from different backgrounds than yours. There is a great cultural exchange and it leaves everybody much richer. I blogged about this some days back – when we got friendly with our French neighbor - Andy. She was this massive lady who was in India on a secondment and was with us for 6 months. We only got to know her in the last two months and got pretty friendly. She was sweet and she was open. Open to sharing and open to learning. When both collide it makes for a great conversation.

We had good fun moments along the way as well. I realized by talking to her how racist we can get. She spoke about how being a racist is frowned upon and in meetings it is a complete no no. I realized that one has to try and stop being a racist everywhere to be truly neutral. In one office meeting one guy very insensitively spoke about the M word. A lot of us if office are actually racist and see Muslims as different from ‘us’ all. They give into the hype and they are completely taken in by it. When I was much younger I have seen the Mumbai riots and I fell to the fallacy of us versus them. It took me many years to come out and tell myself and the world – screw you. Stop being a racist. I keep arguing that it’s not a religious issue but for many it’s a social issue. The marginalized take to crime and brotherhood as they probably have no other option. If they are given stability and opportunity, crime will automatically fall. In every city there is a pocket of crime and marginalization. The more we propagate the cliché the more it will stick. It becomes self-fulfilling prophesy. In meetings I see people talk loosely about it. In one meeting a senior person spoke disparagingly about Muslims. It was just after my many conversations with Andy where she spoke about ticking a colleague off for being racist. Inspired I ticked him off – I told him you are being a racist. The conversation ended. I think it’s a start. This will take time but people will have to realize not be so. There are different people in this world. Their culture may differ from yours. It is up to us to be sensitive to all of them. To embrace this difference and enjoy them. It’s tough at many times, but to accept and to enjoy the difference is the first step to growing up and learning.

I keep looking out for titles to watch with Jispa. I want her to expand her scope of films to enjoy. So I think about movies I watched as a kid and try to get her to enjoy them. One such movie was Escape through Victory. Almost everyone my age and above would remember this movie. It was a Doordarshan favorite. English movies would be played typically on Friday evening at around 10. This movie was about a POW camp in WW2. Here the POWs have a match with the German national team to prove to the Germans themselves about the Aryan supremacy. With Stallone as a goalie and Pele playing a role as well, the movie quickly achieved cult status when I was a kid. I remember Pele doing a bicycle kick to score. So when I saw it at the library I brought it home. We called Andy to watch it along with us. Andy hails from Lyon in France and it seems Lyon was the base for the underground resistance during the German occupation in WW2. Andy’s family was also involved and at some level a few were even captured and executed. So her perspective was very real and very vivid as compared to anything I might have heard or read before. About how after her grand mom’s death, they found a cupboard stacked full of sugar. She knew that in war Sugar will be heavily rationed, the spectre of the cold war always loomed. In the movie at the end, thanks to the brutal German play and the one sided referring, the crowd goes behind the POW team and they start singing. Thanks to Andy after all these years I understood the significance of the act. Andy started singing along with them. They started singing the French national Anthem.

Then Andy explained the anthem (La Marseillaise) to us. And wow what a rousing violent anthem it is. Here is one part:

Grab your weapons, citizens!
Form your batallions!
Let us march! Let us march!
May impure blood
Water our fields

No wonder you can sing it at a football pitch and expect the team to kill and maim. In contrast the Indian anthem plays on as an ode to peace brotherhood and harmony. Not that I have anything against it but it’s not what I want to play and listen and imbibe before a sports event. You would need a different song.

And immediately I was in charge of doing an anthem for the Puneri Paltan kabaddi team. My brief to the lyrists and composer was simple – the French national anthem. I want the people to feel the passion, the beat the lyrics must inspire to kill , to attack and to maim… no brother hood here.

An excerpt:

Kasske pakkad,
jamm ke jhappat,
Todun, modun, gheyun taak!

The song came out amazing and then I spoke to Andy about it and told her how she inspired me to do this song!

Once the video comes out, I will put it up.

But its fun to have learnt so much and already begun to apply it everywhere… that’s the fun of cultures crossing and meeting. And our elders, idiots that they are still insist on opposing cross cultural love marriages…

…

Full French anthem and the Puneri Paltan anthem as follows.

La Marseillaise

Let's go children of the fatherland,
The day of glory has arrived!
Against us tyranny's
Bloody flag is raised! (repeat)
In the countryside, do you hear
The roaring of these fierce soldiers?
They come right to our arms
To slit the throats of our sons, our friends!

Refrain

Grab your weapons, citizens!
Form your batallions!
Let us march! Let us march!
May impure blood
Water our fields!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This horde of slaves, traitors, plotting kings,
What do they want?
For whom these vile shackles,
These long-prepared irons? (repeat)
Frenchmen, for us, oh! what an insult!
What emotions that must excite!
It is us that they dare to consider
Returning to ancient slavery!

What! These foreign troops
Would make laws in our home!
What! These mercenary phalanxes
Would bring down our proud warriors! (repeat)
Good Lord! By chained hands
Our brows would bend beneath the yoke!
Vile despots would become
The masters of our fate!

Tremble, tyrants! and you, traitors,
The disgrace of all groups,
Tremble! Your parricidal plans
Will finally pay the price! (repeat)
Everyone is a soldier to fight you,
If they fall, our young heros,
France will make more,
Ready to battle you!

Frenchmen, as magnanimous warriors,
Bear or hold back your blows!
Spare these sad victims,
Regretfully arming against us. (repeat)
But not these bloodthirsty despots,
But not these accomplices of Bouillé,
All of these animals who, without pity,
Tear their mother's breast to pieces!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sacred love of France,
Lead, support our avenging arms!
Liberty, beloved Liberty,
Fight with your defenders! (repeat)
Under our flags, let victory
Hasten to your manly tones!
May your dying enemies
See your triumph and our glory!

Refrain

We will enter the pit
When our elders are no longer there;
There, we will find their dust
And the traces of their virtues. (repeat)
Much less eager to outlive them
Than to share their casket,
We will have the sublime pride
Of avenging them or following them!

Refrain

--

Puneri Paltan theme song

Eh kass ke pakkad,
jamm ke jhappat,
todun, phodun, gheyun taak!

Kabbadi kabbadi Kabbadi kabbadi (2)

Kab kab kab Kabbadi kabbadi
Kab kab kab Kabbadi kabbadi
Kab kab kab Kabbadi kabbadi

Eh Puneri Paltan aaliiiii (tutaari)

Arre chodenge na…
arre modenge ha…

Hey chodenge na…
arre modenge ha..
inn lakeeron se aagein hai apna jahaan (2)

Rokein humein,
aisa kissmein hai dum,
na bacchega koi,
mitti ki kassam…

Chyaa maaila gheyun tak!
eh sodu nakko!
ek phodun tak!

(Chorus)
Kasske pakkad,
jamm ke jhappat,
Todun, modun, gheyun taak! (3)

Aasma kar dekhle,
kiss mein kitna zor hain,
Chingaariyaan nahi,
hum bhaddakti aag hai!

Ragon mein daudti, (hey)
zidd jeet ki, (hey)
bas khel hi nahi
yeh mahayudh hai (2)

Chyaa maaila gheyun tak!
Kasske pakkad,
jamm ke jhappat,
Todun, modun, gheyun taak! (3)

Puneri Puneri Puneri Puneri (2)
eh majhi Puneri Paltan aali aali re (4)

Todun, modun, gheyun taak!

she is never a woman to me

Dam her. She is now grown up. A big girl. The way she reacts, the tantrums she throws, the big girl. I am suddenly realizing that the she is now grown up quite a bit. In the sense that now there is a certain sense of maturity that she exhibits that makes her different from the small tiny girl who I could all cuddle up. Sure girls remain girls in that sense that she still wants a hug at night before sleeping and she smells my night suit and says… yay… papa smell. So that’s still a relief. But man she is grown up.

She comes upto her mama’s ears and she can simply whisper something without Jasmine bending. She weighs a ton and I can no longer carry her. I can’t even pull her off the bed. It hurts the shoulders. She had power in her hands and when she and I play slap slap… I get hurt. The last few days I have realized that she is a big girl now.

Jasmine and me were telling her – how you are a big girl and now you need to behave like a big grown up. You have to sit right, cross your legs, no slouching and lying around. Sit on the table but don’t rest your head on your hand while eating. All the parenting is now focused on you are now grown up. Behave like that. Arrrggghhh.

But at the same time I am looking forward to talking to her. That is if she would like to talk to me. I look forward to long conversations on various topics. I look forward to being challenged. I want to get into arguments in which we will be forced to check the veracity of what the other is saying by checking the internet or some of the books that we have. That should be fun. As of now she adds a lot of value to conversations where I am trying to learn about stuff she did in school. Some of the stuff is pretty advanced for me. In fact I wonder why we teach so much to the kids. Most of what we learn is lost on most of the kids. But for the time being, it’s fun learning stuff.

Back to Jispa – Jispa if we don’t argue on some random irrelevant stuff to our life then I don’t think we are talking enough. Did you understand that? Here is one to a big showdown. But yes – after the showdown I expect a huge hug.

Here is a song for you…

football!

Oh man the football world cup is here. One of the things that I really miss by not having cable TV is the Football world cup.

I was in Dubai till I was about 8 years old. The national sport of the Emirates is Football. Of course we immigrants would be crazy about cricket but football was well promoted. And to add  - my brother was great at football and loved playing it. So football was an important sport. Then we came to India and we enrolled ourselves in Don Bosco. Being a catholic school run by priests – the favorite sport they played was – yes you guessed it – football. Football was seen as a more prestigious sport than cricket and the super stars were not the ones in the cricket team but the ones in the football team. This was in spite of the fact that the famous Indian cricketer Ravi Shastri was an aluminous of the school and had led the school to victory in the prestigious Giles shield. Cricket was meant for sissies.

I tried to get into the football team and I think just because I was the brother of a good player – the rector in charge took me in the B team. I practiced for a few days only to fall ill. It was monsoon and I would fall ill every monsoon and so I never did get to play serious football. Though I do think that I would have sucked at it. I liked to play defender and I would see myself charging at the ball and throwing myself at it. I liked to slide and tackle. The muck was so much that you just slide and even if you missed the ball completely and knocked the striker out, nobody really cared. The game was completely on who was ready to get muckier than the other.

So I never did get to play too much football even though I loved the sport. That was a really bad thing and so I naturally moved on to other sports and qualified for basketball. It was a weird reason that I moved to basketball. There was an essay that we had to write in the seventh standard on a sport and I was still hung over the “I grew up abroad thing” and I wrote about playing basketball and baseball, though I never did play the sport. And then… one day we wanted to field a team and a senior came to the classrooms asking or players. I put my hand up. We were called for trials and were taught a few basics of the game. After this they held a small trial where they asked us all to run up dribbling to the net and throw a ball. I remember mine going in for a basket. And boom – I was in the school team. After this we got some better training from one of the seniors who was a basketball fanatic and we improved. We had one guy from US in the school, one Indian whose parents tried to experiment with coming back. He was the only genuine player. I think his name was Sameer. The others were simply in and around him. We played on the full size court and then before the match, we were told that we would be playing on the smaller courts with smaller balls. Junior basketball. We played against the school called Ahmed Sailors they were the reigning champions and were rumored to field over age players. We lost our first game pretty bad. No one really did give us a chance. I don’t remember but we did get a few balls inside. We didn’t even know the rules completely. I remember getting a foul for taking too much time to throw the ball from outside and once for cutting the line while throwing in. It was a disaster!

But it was enough to fool myself that I am a basketball player and I lived that lie enough for the next few years to be amongst the better players around. Enough to be good enough for the interclass teams, which is also not a bad deal in a school that prides itself on sports. As far as football is in consideration – I must have played one or two interclass matches, as a defender. I think I was so bad that I would play in one half and then play in another. Pappu footballer.

My next stint with football was in intercorportae matches. As in cricket; its not about skill set but more to do with being young and energetic – basically fit enough to run around. Once while I was in Star TV I played one day for their team in a seven a side match. I quickly realized that the game. There was no offside. Which is a great game changer as far as football is considered. All you have to do is hang around the goal. In effect you need attack and then defense. You don’t need a midfield. Seven a side matches are played on smaller grounds and have kick ins from the outside line. We had one champion striker. So I rallied the team to ensure he gets the ball, from any angle. My role in the team was to kick the ball to him. I kept giving him high lobs for him to convert. We won our matches on the first day but my kicking style along with my bakwaas shoes ensured I was with a broken toe nail by the end of the day. So the next day I wasn’t there and we lost. From what I heard of the guys – I thought we lost on strategy more than anything else.

Other football matches I played in were other corporate matches. Again the only reason I might be taken in was because I was fit enough to run / kick. These used to be played during the monsoon and the grounds used to be full of muck. I used to keep falling all the time. You try and kick the ball and whoosh – you are staring at the sky.  It was a terrible ordeal. Till one day I decided to buy football studs. Then on my life improved dramatically, but I think I only played one tournament before my knee gave way and I don’t have the courage to play anymore.

Talking about football studs – my brother played in the school team and hence had studs. But that was another story altogether. In 1984/85 India was a ridiculously poor country and the football studs were made of wood. Yes. These were called wooden studs and were nailed to the shoes. If you were rich would you buy rubber studs.  My poor brother must have had quite an ordeal coming in from Dubai and then wearing wooden studs for the game. I think I have worn them on one occasion and yes – they were painful. Especially since the nails would pass through the insoles thanks to the extensive use. Many years later one sports salesman at a store told me that they looked like wood but were actually made of hard leather. Whatever. The nails were iron for sure.

So now I have a pair of studs in my cupboard that serve no real purpose. I don’t know what to do with them. I hate to throw them away but I know I will never be able to use them. Will have to throw them for sure. Sigh. And as far as the world cup is concerned. I will have to see the updates on google and figure. What else?

Just for the record – I have always loved the German football team.

a good proposition

One of the things the country is going gaga over is the current PM. Great. He does seem to be making all the right noises and is promising an administration that works. Only time will tell what will actually happen. In any case – my vote was going for his party for a very simple selfish reason. A few years ago, I came to the conclusion that all of them are equally bad, but at least the right winged BJP when in power started the amazing road project called the golden quadrilateral. Thanks to this at least we got some great arterial roads linking the country. When Jasmine and I bought our second home, we were completely short of cash and therefore we needed a vacation we resorted to driving holidays to save time. I used to always tell Jasmine to go on a driving holiday. For many years she steadfastly refused. But I guess the lure of saving so much money was too much to refuse and she agreed. Then we were hooked and we went to places as far as Hampi or Udaipur in our car for a vacation. So my vote was clear. I get my road and you get your vote.

This time the route of the Congress has been complete. With less than 50 seats they are not in a position to even be the head of the opposition. This has the supporters going gaga. Public memory is notoriously short. 10 years ago when congress won without a PM candidate everyone expected the Italian born Sonia to take the post. When she gave the mantle to the affable Manmohan Singh, people thought it’s a wonderful thing. He was the toast of the nation and everything he did was awesome and path breaking. Especially his honesty. His wife was interviewed and was asked about the rising cooking gas prices. She knew the price and was hopeful they don’t rise. The PM’s life was simple enough that his wife was hands on in the managing the household on simple budgets. Ten years hence the poor guy was pilloried in media and on jokes and was seen as an honest man but who couldn’t speak or say anything against the high command. Let’s see what Modi has to offer. Right now he is living the PR dream.

So coming back – everyone seems to enjoying the amazing mandate that the PM got. A complete destruction of the opposition. Now here is where I turn turncoat (is that a double negative) but yes, now I am lamenting the lack of an opposition. The joker in the pack in this election was the AAP party. Born out of an opposition to corruption, this party contested the Delhi assembly polls to come in with a slim mandate and became the ruling party. After that the media turned on him and he started doing the wrong things to be in the limelight. Possibly he was doing a great job on basic governance but his last stand was to sit in a dharna outside the parliament. The CM doing a dharna in his own state. That was kind of weird. He lost some support in his own backyard. Then he contested the National elections in 400+ seats only to win 4. He hardly even made a dent as a party spoiler.

All over the AAP was lampooned. Which is possibly a fait thing but still his value to the country as a mad crazy opposition was too valuable to loose. He seems governed by his own agenda. He seems to be anti everything, he seems to be directed by his own mad passion for opposing. He is the classical opposition and for a democracy to thrive we need him. So now I would love to be with him.

While browsing around – I came to this site www.prop4rev.com. A bunch of young film makers set out to document the opposition to corruption movement and ended up following and documenting the start of the AAP party. They didn’t realize the goldmine they were onto. And they shot a real load of footage. Post which they needed money for postproduction. Here is their video

Now I normally don’t open my purse strings for charity. I don’t even donate to any party. My charity is limited to those around me. In the past I used to give for some social cause but that too is something I have stopped. I rather help people I know, touch and feel. But this seemed too good and close to my heart to resist.

Young kids deciding to shoot an anti-corruption movement find themselves in a sea of revolution. A crazy bunch of committed individuals trying to change the country. Then they go online and decide to raise money. On the website they shoot a great video and make a compelling case. Then write some nice lines and put figures against which you can see what to get in addition to warm fuzzy feelings. I opened my kitty.

A few days later I get this email from them thanking me and telling me that they achieved their funding goal.

Dear Jaimit,

Thank you for contributing Rs.**  towards our initiative, Proposition for a Revolution. You have been one of the first few to participate, and we really appreciate your gesture.

Thanks to well-intentioned and generous people such as yourself, we have already raised over Rs. 12,00,000. As you might have seen on the website, that Rs.12,00,000 was our minimum target.However, this is only the beginning.  

This is what we need to complete an initial rough cut of the film.  After this, we will also need funds for other imperative post production costs, like sound design, music work, colour correction, etc., and eventually also for publicity towards release, outreach to cinema theaters across India, etc.  We truly feel that the film should reach out to as many people as possible.

Your contribution has helped towards making this happen. Thank you. We urge you to continue sharing the campaign, and supporting the initiative.  

Visit our website: www.prop4rev.com

Like us on: www.facebook.com/prop4rev

Follow us on: www.twitter.com/prop4rev

Subscribe to us on: www.youtube.com/prop4rev

This is also the beginning of a political dialogue in the country, wherein we can voice and put into action the change we wish to see around us.  We would like everyone to become part of this dialogue.

We will keep you updated with progress on the project over the next few months.  This is your project too, now.  

Best Wishes,

Khushboo and Vinay

---

Cute and nice. I must appreciate their effort. Well done.  Worth my pennies. They also very cleverly hid the fact that they need more money after post production in the appeal but slipped it in the emailer. Solid marketing buggas these kids have turned out to be. Nice job. A great proposition!

end it

Jasmine and I felt so dam cheated. We sat through 22 episodes of prison break and lost some sleep over it. We tried watching whenever we had time, catching even one episode if possible. My friend had given us the episodes. It started well and was gripping enough. Towards the end, all hell broke loose with characters dying left right centre and the plot getting out of control of the writers. It grew too big on them and suddenly they were facing Mount Meru and they wondered what to do. A victim of their own success they avoided simple clichés but then left it abrupt and hanging. In fact after it ended Jasmine and I were googling to know if 22 was indeed the last episode. It was so random.

A story is supposed to end right and this ending is crucial. I think many script writers or story tellers have met their grave in the endings. Even the great harry potter series built up brilliantly well only to end loose. Very few have been able to close it in a way that you see and say – oh shit. Awesome. That’s why you have saccharine  sweet endings. If you don’t know what to cook just make something sweet. When you don’t know what to gift – gift a chocolate. Sweet.

One interesting ending I remember and will probably stay in memory for a long time will be Parinda. The Movie had a great villain with Nana Patekar as Anna. He overshadowed everything in the movie. The two heroes were reduced to mere bystanders. But in the end the evil must end and who will destroy it. The hope was over when he killed the upholder of good (one brother). It was obviously left to the other … but how will the other destroy evil. He has to walk into the lair and be completely unarmed.  That Anna was to be destroyed is a given but poetic justice must be served and that will make or break the movie. It was a class act. Here is the ending, though I wonder if you will appreciate the ending if you haven’t seen the movie.

I remember I was kid when it was released. It made a huge impact. Soon after the release I was roaming around at my cousin’s place in Ghatkopar. We used to go there often. My cousins (they were my uncles) were young and were revered in the area. So being their nephews we were treated very well in the area. But they weren’t too well off. I remember a plan being made in the area to see the movie. The youngest uncle wanted to go. Then when the gang was going I shouted out to him – he told me that he wasn’t going. I asked why, it’s a nice movie. He replied that he wasn’t in the mood. The elder brother heard him and called out to him and then gave him the money to go. I guess it was money stopping him. Next time I met the younger uncle – he had shaved his head to a close crop and was roaming around in kurta pyjama a la Anna. He was completely mesmerized by the movie and the villain. It did not matter that villain died in the end – brutally – a death befitting his evil – but it was Anna all the way.

Endings are crucial. Most of the time it’s not what you do that people remember you by, it’s how you exit or end… that is critical. When it ends there is invariably a void, but a nice ending helps fill the void with better memories.

Take whatever you want from this as a life lesson :) bah.

explore

This is a ridiculously funny prank to be played on people. Imagine the frustration when you are stuck in a foreign land and you have to go to your room and the elevator starts talking to you and send you to another place altogether. Arggghhh. It’s so bloody irritating.

The last time I was abroad was I went to Sanghai. Luckily I wasn’t diagnosed as lactose intolerant before I went there or else I would have had the worst time of my life. If vegetarian isn’t enough in China being lactose intolerant would have completely killed me.

This was a guided tour along with a conference. We had a day of sightseeing. I normally hate that sightseeing and the whole shepherding in a bus but I also see no option for the organisers. So it’s best to carry on. But I hate the part where the take you to a tourist shopping destination designed to scam the tourist by showing them an “original “ place to buy something exotic. Something like a jade workshop or in this instance a pearl palace. I hate it. I always fight and wonder what the hell is going on. But most others seem to be happy to go and buy some ridiculous junk for their wives or girlfriends. So while the crowd went in, a few happy friends and I went out for a walk in the cold city. We kept roaming pretty aimlessly. I am always a sucker for new culture and new stuff but in china its always difficult to do anything new. We saw a juice bar and went there. There was almost nothing I could make out. So I just pointed out to something interesting that was being made for another customer. Now I don’t remember how I figured it was vegetarian but I finally had it – and it was warm lemon juice with one more interesting additive like a litchi or something. Wow. That was cool. I never knew warm sherbet was this fun.

Travelling anywhere is always a great thing. You have to go outside the confines of your city or routine and visit new places, do new things and learn more. You have to have plenty of exposure to stuff around you. Exposure is the key. You go out, you meet new people, you experience new things. That is life. There is post that’s gone viral on why travelling or having a gap year and seeing the world is a great thing and they give some 17 odd reasons. Hah! Sure. Travel is something jasmine and I discovered is critical for ourselves. At first we would wonder where to go and how to go and what to see. We would wonder and think about the places to go. We would ask someone for helping us make an itinery and places to stay etc. Till once we had to go on our own once. I think the first big one was directly Singapore. I had been there on an official tour and then had vowed to take the family there.

The stress was pretty high. I searched and researched and did a lot of stuff online. I was under severe stress on what to do and where all to go. Plus we had Jasmine’s mom and dad coming along with us. but that was a fun trip and then the next time we planned a vacation to Rajasthan using guide books /internet and some references. Post which we did kumaon and now we were truly hooked on. Searching online for stuff, searching guidebooks and internet for places to go to and places to see and search for undiscovered places or hang out popular tourist spots. We were truly independent. The journey was as interesting or I dare say as important as the destination.

The bug had truly bit us. Then like seasoned travelers we went with a little less research all the time. As in you know what you are going to do and the places you are going to see but you aren’t completely prepared. You are ready to take it on one day at a time. You see and wonder and take calls and think a bit while you are there. You miss a few you spend time at a few. From a fairly fixed route plan you allow for chaos and spontaneity. Then it gets all the more interesting.

Who needs 17 or 18 excuses to travel. You need only one EXPLORE and if that doesn’t excite you – nothing will.

the wall

Jispa had her swimming events this weekend. These are almost the finals of the year. They work hard through the year to go to this event. They compete to get in the top six of their events. Jispa’s age group is allowed to choose a max of four events in which they compete. The top six of the event gets to compete in the state meet which is being held at Nashik this year. Jispa is good enough to be selected for the state but she wouldn’t make it beyond that. Being a part of the Mumbai team is in itself an honour and hence this becomes the big event for the year.

Jispa has had a mixed year this time. She had a shoulder injury which threw her training schedule out of gear in December. Post her rehab her coach rejigged her schedule but she did miss out on a couple of seconds which she never did make up. Swimming is a complex sport in that way. You keep pushing and trying and improving strength and technique slowly slowly. You work and shave off your seconds. The events in which you compete also slowly change over the years, unless you are a born breaststroker and you simply go faster than anyone else in that one crazy stroke.

I have always wondered why there are so many events in the swimming championships. Its like having running races, but first you have the normal race, then having a race in which you run backwards, then having a race in which you can only hop, then a race where you can run only with your arms  going up and down like a bird… WTF – why do you need all these styles in swimming, when eth fastest is the free style – period. But hell. Breast stroke is a funny stroke, it takes the leats amount of power to stay afloat but here is where you get naturals and try harders. Some kids just naturally excel in this stroke and they effortlessly just go zoom. Jispa was a dead duck in this stroke. It was her worst stroke. She would excel in the butterfly but go very slow here. She even won a few back stroke medals. In fact at the start we thought she would be winning back stroke medals only. In the individual medley where you have to get all the strokes in the breast stroke we would wonder if had a parachute holding her back when it came to the breaststroke length. But this year dramatically things changed for her in the last one month. Her back stroke deteriorated and her breasts stroke improved. So much so that she flipped her events at the last minute. That was weird.

Coaching is such a technical thing. So many small small minute changes you need to do in your technique and your daily routine so that you keep improving. We are happy that Jispa got a sport that she takes so seriously. But it’s getting increasingly difficult to manage both, but we figure that later. So soming back – its nice to get a sport to push yourself in. But the thing is that he coach is a dork. I mean that he is a sweet simple well meaning guy who doesn’t push his kids too much but he also doesn’t know how to mentally push them. Jispa took part in the 200 m freestyle event and I was wondering what she is doing. She would go slow and fast and I thought she paced herself badly. That was the only event she didn’t qualify in. I spoke to her afterwards. What was she doing. She said she was conserving. Conserving in a 200 m race. These kids swim for 4kms at a  stretch. 200 is still a sprint. You push hard. The I spoke to her.

“You know Jispa what a wall is? You keep swimming faster and faster till you reach a wall. Then to break that wall you need to go really fast and put all your efforts. Now that is a 50 m sprint. You break the wall. If at all you want to conserve in a race like 200 – you keep swimming harder and harder till you reach the wall. You were nowhere near the wall, you were slower than your wall. This was you conserved more than what you needed to. You have to be near the wall at all times. You may choose not to break it before the last 50 but then not being near it is a crime.” Jispa nodded. She admitted that the wall was a little distance away. Then I told her in the IM – stay near the wall. Push yourself to be near wall at all times. Stay there, never the wall be too far from you. After the event she admitted that it was probably a good advice to get.

The wall – I think in all my sports I have always faced the wall.  It is the natural barrier that an athlete has towards his or her performance. He battles the wall every time. Most sports are you versus the wall. How close do you keep yourself to the wall and how much are you ready to risk to break it down. These walls move ahead thanks to practice and hard work and technique. But they will always be there – finally it is the mental edge in that lets you see the wall and break it down / or even simply follow it. In all that we do we must see the wall. The wall is it.

 Now isn’t the coach supposed to give this advice. But the coach is a happy middle class dork. This is something he will never understand. Understanding the psychology of your kids and seeing who can take what kind of advice is something alien to him. Understanding management techniques and having the ability to push the boundaries of his wards is what the coach is about. I guess I will have to be more involved in these things. I stay out of it. I don’t want too much clutter in her brain. I am not so ambitious, but now if she wants to swim on she is going make a lot of sacrifices. Then she needs to go beyond. She needs a mental edge and an ability to push herself. She needs to think clearly. The dork will not be enough. Chalo… more shit that I need to do.

Now listen to this unrelated song.

la la LLI

Many years ago I started teaching, I think it was in 2002 as Jispa was born around the time I had my first teaching assignment. That time it was a fun and unique experience. It’s remained as much fun since then. But at the time I did something weird. At the end of the class I sat with each student and spoke to them – one on one. And I explained to them what they were facing in life and what they needed to do to break out… or something like that. That was a crazy thing. That was the first time I realized that I could start talking about people’s life at will. One kid was amazed because what I told her was exactly what her mother used to tell her all the time. I hardly would have taken 7-8 sessions with them but yet I knew quite a lot.

I thought that was a cool party trick where I could at will talk about people’s life and amaze them with how much I can figure. We are probably not as transparent as it may seem. In office as I grow up I normally have to counsel kids and get them to improve and they are amazed with how much I can tell. People have asked me over the years, how is it that I know so much. How can I tell? Some find it creepy and some find it crazy. For me it was a simple logical deduction. I released that I notice much more than the average Joe on a lot of things. I don’t notice this consciously. It’s more on a sub conscious level. It is there in my mind, forming patterns and images. So much is stored and then pulled out at will to create a pattern. Sometimes in office, I catch someone and randomly ask – so what’s bothering you. Didn’t sleep well? Or like the HR chick the other day – I asked her randomly – why did you not pursue your medical studies? She was wondering how I knew she wanted to be a doctor.

These things look creepy to the one on the outside but are completely logical and probabilistic to one on the inside. It’s one connection to another. It’s just that I notice a lot. Then soon I realized that this is a crazy thing to have. Some people will try and suck as much out of you, like a monkey doing tricks and some will get scared. And I also realized that this is only probabilistic. It is not a determinate science. I only build on what I know and what people agree to show me. I can go wrong and horribly so if people mislead me. And that at the end of it, it’s better for my brains to simply stop thinking.

These deductions are crazy and it’s not that I can spot someone gaming me every time, so it’s not something I have amazing gift that I can see through people. It’s only that I can somewhere try and understand your motivations and character and a bit of what defined your life coming till here, there is future I can see. At best I can only help you make a few choices by pointing the right questions…. But again nothing what you don’t know yourself.

I believed that happened because I was good at understanding probabilities and patterns. I live very happy with probabilities. I don’t necessarily need perfectly determined outcomes and plans. Add to that the fact that I have a crazy curious mind. I love to keep poking around and keep asking questions. An almost insatiable appetite for knowing why.

There was another trait which I did not think was related but I realize now is – ADD. Attention deficit disorder. In meetings and in conversations in office I quickly understand what the point the guy is trying to make and I lose the plot. I zone out. I understood the issue and want to move on. This is seen as arrogance. The other guy so many times tries to convince me that he has more to say, but I say yes or no – and say – great got it. This puts people off completely.

Another bad side of this – I just can’t understand how you don’t get it. It’s simple – it’s there on the board to see for all. It’s like staring me in the face, I keep saying – what you guys did not get it yet? This is the pattern / this is the trick / this is the answer / this is how it’s done.

All of this is interconnected and I did not know till I watched a few episodes of prison break. They talk about a condition called LOW LATENT INHIBITION (LLI). While I am nowhere near the crazy genius they show, I did try and research the term. And while I was researching I kept reading about stuff that I thought is exactly what I go through in life.

Latent Inhibition allows you to go through with life without getting insane. You block out repeated stimuli. You don’t notice everything about everything again and again. But with LLI – every time you notice everything about everything and that helps you understand if there has been a small change in stuff around you and you can draw conclusion from it.

“With low latent inhibition, an individual almost treats familiar stimuli in the same manner as they would new stimuli. Think of the details you notice when you see something new for the first time and how it grabs your attention. From those details all kinds of questions may arise in your mind. “What is that, what does it do, why is it there, what does it mean, how can it be utilized” and so on. The more of those questions you are able to figure out or answer, the better your understanding of that stimulus. The better your understanding of that stimulus, the more logical connections you are able to make between that stimulus and others around it. With the use of human memory you are then able to remember which questions you’ve already answered in relation to a particular stimulus, and those answers may then result in more questions. Low latent inhibition will usually result in extremely accurate instincts due to the sheer level of thought, processing and logical connection that has been made previously when faced with a stimulus or multiple stimuli.

So in terms of what we might see, somebody you know who’s generally always worn glasses might approach you having bought a new pair of glasses that look almost exactly the same but for a slightly different logo on the side. You usually wouldn’t notice the change of logo because your brain has almost dismissed the minor details that go with the pair of glasses they wear as ‘unimportant’. It’s your brains way of ensuring that it doesn’t need to constantly process new stimuli that probably won’t have any significance or importance to it. Yes they might wear glasses, but so what? In this example we simply see the glasses then move on.

An example of how somebody with low latent inhibition may see the same scenario could be that they almost instantly notice the smallest changes that seeing the new pair of glasses presents to them via the observation of stimuli, which may then lead to connections being made that people with normal latent inhibition might not make. For example from seeing the new logo, somebody with a low latent inhibition might deduce that their friend had been shopping since the last time they saw them, if they had been shopping they might have also recently received their monthly salary which meant they were able to buy the glasses. Did the friend have some insecurity with the last pair of glasses? If the person with low latent inhibition also knows the surrounding area well (and knows where the stores are that sell new glasses), and they know when the last time they saw their friend wearing his old glasses was (2 days ago), they might be able to work out the exact locations their friend will have been to, and depending upon which food their friend likes, where their friend might have eaten, and depending upon what their friends interests are, which other stores they might have been to after having been paid and what kind of things they might have bought…all from a small change of logo on a pair of glasses.”

You can read more here  - http://www.lowlatentinhibition.org/what-is-lli/

So it very aptly explains what I go through in life. It’s funny.

Here is another accurate description of what goes on in my mind

“You notice more, hear more, smell more and feel more through tactile contact. Without any conscious effort, your mind is in possession of a broader intake of information.

Upon encountering any form of stimulus (that interests you), your mind automatically dismantles and explores its components.

You usually see through the lies and the deceptions that people use in everyday life.

When learning, you can often make instantaneous changes.

Self-correction is easy because the underlying principle is more evident. Clearer.

You make connections and associations between seemingly unrelated material.

Comprehension is typically easy. You notice the non-verbal background information and this often provides a more comprehensive picture than what is being spoken.

There are exponential leaps of insight taking place all the time, with the background reasoning intact. Wave-upon-wave of permutations, options, variables and choices.

Creativity is a given. You see alternatives.

You notice things that other people miss.

There is no talking voice in your head. No 'chattering monkey'. The volume and complexity of the information drowns out conscious thought entirely.

Verbalising what takes place in your mind is impossible. Words render only a fraction of the entirety.

You see the world more thoroughly.

Listening to other people talking/thinking aloud can be infuriating. They are at point A when you have reached point N already.

Learning is not limited to defined periods of academic study. The assimilation of information is constant, ongoing and never static. There are no lulls or pauses. Everything offers a lesson.

Within the maelstrom of information there exists a place of calm and quietude. The eye of the storm. No verbalisation exists. No internal narrative. Just presence. No sense of self to intrude of interrupt.

Cons-

Education is awkward. Schools are not set-up to cater with this disorder. The way in which things are approached by schools seems piecemeal and incomplete.

It is difficult to write/type/speak quickly enough to articulate ideas and the breadth of the permutations involved.

Tact is necessary. People lie constantly.

LLI makes driving a car difficult. Your brain notices countless dangers and variables, and you become overwhelmed and nervous.

Hypervigilance can lead to anxiety.

Illusions are not very effective. You see through things without wanting to. Conventions and traditions have no significance.

You do not value what other people value.

Filtering out the variables and honing your options to something workable can be very difficult. Every solution potentially harbours new problems, new variables and new concerns.

People may find you to be a little odd, unorthodox or a little intense.

You have a habit of saying things that do not fit the accepted norm of behaviour. You often choose to disregard conventions because they serve no constructive purpose.

Background noise is a major problem. Noisy neighbours can cause serious stress.

Noticing things does not mean that you understand them. If anything, the abundance of what might be known lessens the desire to accumulate widespread knowledge.”

It seems that if you have LLI and a low IQ you are likely go crazy. But a higher IQ leads to creativity. And I think that’s the reason I am seen as far more creative than the average Joe.

Reading this has made me far happier about myself. In the middle I was wondering what is it that I have. Why do I see patterns that others don’t, what the hell is going on? Am I crazy or is the world DUH? It is very frustrating. Now I see it as a simple mental construct that is different from another.

And also I am happy with what my initial response was – just don’t think so much about what you are thinking. Thoughts will keep coming, just chill out and don’t give them too much importance. So more than anything else – this has helped me in some way deal with the frustration around me. Hopefully it will make me calmer and less irritable. Less moody. Less volatile. Tough shit.

its fun to have a little bit of issue in your life

A couple of weeks back when I entered the building, the lights had gone out. But the generator was working and hence the lifts were working. I got in and I saw that a foreigner was also in the life with me. On my floor, of the four flats, two were self-occupied and the other two were on rent. Jasmine and I are hardly there at home most of the time to even socialize with too many people in building. But we had noticed that one of the flats had a foreigner staying. We greeted each other in the lift and she asked if the lights were out. I said ya, but I guess they will be back. She was wondering if this was a regular affair and if these cuts last long. I explained that these are rare and are normally resolved fast. We kept on talking and then on our floor, I spoke to Jasmine and Jasmine lent her a candle and a match box to keep handy. We then called her over for dinner and …. We were friends.

We have been hanging out whenever she and us are free. We have been exchanging notes, cultures and various points of information. I have been explaining our history and she has been explaining hers. We chat and exchange recipes. That’s what Jasmine and I believe in completely. The more you meet people from other cultures, you share information and you share values, you only get richer. You must have an endless curiosity and if you are lucky you get response from that end as well. Andy is perfect in that sense. She is patient and loves to answer and ask questions. We learnt so much about her life in France and London. Jispa gets exposed to so much more than only Indian culture. Yesterday thanks to her I relived my marriage, my college and a lot of my childhood. Thanks to that Jispa relived it as well. There is so much inside of us that sometimes is lost or left inside just for the want of the right question.

I have never understood why we opposed marriages and unions across caste and language lines. We always were believed that the same will lead to a dilution of our own values and beliefs that we hold so close to our heart. I just don’t understand that. Jasmine is a kutchi. That is as close to a gujju like as can be while being different. Still I love the fact that she is different. Her traditions and customs are different and I try to understand her traditional food and how it is different from ours. My sense is that since they come from a harsher climate than mine they tend be different in a sparse sense as compared to the gujju food.

Of course while you are looking at the food, it is important to make the distinction between food that is traditional and food that is thanks to living in the city. One thing I have always maintained is that we are losing texture in the food we eat. Everything is down to the lowest possibly squichy food. We make everything soft and easy to swallow. Possibly a  fast urban lifestyle does not give us enough time to chew, possibly because when we are eating e are generally talking to other people and that gives us limited time to chew or possibly we just gotten lazy. But food is losing all granularity and texture. Look at the most popular foods we have – idli, dosa, pasta, margehita pizza, pav bhaji, burger, panner and roomali roti. Nothing is worth chewing it must be soft and smashed. Yesterday Andy made us dinner. She was wondering what to give us as I have a unique constraint – I am vegan. The vegetarian is the easy bit but not having cheese or butter is the crazy bit. I have been doing a fair amount of thinking on this. Lactose intolerant is a human trait and so how is it that we survived with this gene if we ate so much lactose. My theory is that lactose in our diets came about only recently. If you look at the recipes that grand mom made; the regular everyday recipes, not the special day recipes; they would largely be lactose free. So when Andy was thinking I told her to think of stuff that her grand mom made for her on an everyday basis. She did realize that cheese, which is an integral part of French cuisine today was not so much in her grandmom’s cuisine. And she made the most basic of deserts for us. The desert was la tarte aux pommes. – apple tart. No need of cheese, milk or butter. That was the boring everyday tart that they grew up on.

She made us some spaghetti with pesto sauce. Her sauce was crunchy, which was a far cry from the creamy one we eat at the restaurants in Mumbai. And then I asked her about the spaghetti – it was less soft than the ones we had. We would simply boil it till they are soft like a jelly. She says she learnt it form her mom and Italian friends. In fact it would be harder. There – the fast food nation had adopted and way to add cheese/ butter and make the food soft.

This lactose intolerance is a boon in some ways. I now look at food in a way I have never ever seen it. I have to watch everything I eat and that has led me to new thinking. I was never that interested in food or its origins or its history. Now I am trying to consume (no pun intended) as much as I can about it. Food interesting tells us as much about human behavior as anything else.

Just some excerpts from stuff I saw online – don’t believe anything completely but – here is something I found that kind of works with my claim that dairy is a modern day intervention that is not necessarily good for you.

“When it comes to dairy and the Paleo diet, some debates pop-up and dairy definitely is in a grey zone.In the strict Paleo sense, dairy of any form was not consumed in the paleolithic era, other than human milk in infancy of course. It just wasn’t very practical to milk wild game. The mere fact that something wasn’t  consumed during the paleolithic era doesn’t make it bad, but experience as shown us that it’s unfortunatly often the case. Dairy is no exception.”

http://paleoleap.com/place-of-dairy-on-paleo-diet/

but also do bear in mind –

The Paleolithic diet is a modern nutritional plan based on the presumed diet of Paleolithic humans. It is based on several controversial premises, the most important of which are: first, that human genetics have scarcely changed since the dawn of agriculture, which marked the end of the Paleolithic era, around 15,000 years ago; second, that modern humans are adapted to the diet or diets of the Paleolithic period; and third, that it is possible for modern science to discern what such diets consisted of.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleolithic_diet

and I have maintained that we now have more of buffalo and cow milk but I do remember stories of Goat milk being had by families. That’s why even vegetarians had goats in their houses. Read this –

There are other alternatives: take goat's milk, for example. Patients with diarrhea, asthma, bloating and irritability may be suffering from the most common food allergy: cow's milk. Goat's milk is a natural alternative to cow milk and can comfortably be consumed by many patients who suffer from cow milk allergies or sensitivity.

Although goat milk, like cow's milk and human milk, contains lactose, many people with lactose intolerance can drink goat milk. Why? It has been hypothesized that the reason lies in goat milk's superior digestibility. Goat milk is more completely and easily absorbed than cow's milk, leaving less undigested residue behind in the colon to quite literally ferment and cause the uncomfortable symptoms of lactose intolerance.

It may also be that the patient is not lactose intolerant at all, but instead is one of the 1-in-10 people who are allergic to the major protein of cow's milk ... alpha S1 casein protein. The symptoms are almost identical to those of lactose intolerance. Both goat milk and human milk lack this offending protein.

The digestibility of goat milk can be attributed to its casein curd, which is both softer and smaller than that produced by bovine milk. The smaller and softer the curd, the more easily accepted by the human digestive system.

http://www.dynamicchiropractic.com/mpacms/dc/article.php?id=38646

Of course – there is no absolute truth in anything. There are only theories and counter theories. But it’s nice to know a little more about something I previously never did bother too much about. Fun its is. So yes – problems in life are also fun. It’s what you make out of it :)

And yes – some more fun on cheese… this is from the book – Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us.  The following is an extract from a book summary I read online.

Our story begins in the 1930’s when the United States government first began subsidizing the country’s dairy industry (loc. 3049). This it did because the government felt that the dairy industry was “vital to the nation’s health” (loc. 3049). The specifics of this subsidization program were that the government would set price supports on dairy products, and also buy up any excess dairy products that the producers were unable to sell on the market (loc. 3051). As Moss explains, “the dairies didn’t have to bother with the normal commercial concerns in selling food. They didn’t have to mess… with any of the marketing tactics deployed by food manufacturers to boost consumption. The government simply bought as much as the dairies could make” (loc. 3053).

Now, in the 1950’s, milk was beginning to be seen as a fatty product (loc. 3032). And with this realization, milk sales began to suffer (loc. 3036). What’s more, those who did continue to buy milk were increasingly switching to the low fat varieties (2%, 1%, and even skim) (loc. 3033). The stripping of milk-fat from whole milk was leaving the milk producers with a whole lot of excess milkfat. This wasn’t such a big problem for the milk producers, though, because they were able to use the excess milkfat to make cheese, which was also protected under the government subsidy (loc. 3053-59).

This was a problem for the government, though, because they suddenly found themselves buying up more cheese than they knew what to do with. As Moss explains, “these government purchases hummed along rather quietly until 1981… By that point, there were so many operators sending so much excess milk and milkfat to cheese makers that the government was buying more cheese than it could ever give away. This cheese, along with surplus butter and dried milk, accumulated into a stack that weighed 1.9 billion pounds, and it cost taxpayers $4 billion a year… The storage fees alone were running upwards of $1 million a day. It grew so large, in fact, that the government began secreting it away in caverns and a vast, abandoned limestone mine near Kansas City” (loc. 3064).

The End of the Dairy Subsidies, and the Beginning of the Dairy Marketing Campaign

The mountain of milkfat continued to grow until the early 1980’s, which is when Ronald Regan came to power. Regan, of course, was not such a fan of government subsidies, and so the program was axed (loc. 3077). Nevertheless, the Regan administration was concerned about how this move would affect the dairy producers. So, in lieu of continuing subsidies, the government set up a program to help sell all the excess cheese. Specifically, the government required all dairy producers to chip in a certain amount to a new fund that would be used to market and advertise cheese to Americans (loc. 3086). As Moss explains, “under [the] plan, the government allowed a special assessment to be levied on every milk producer in the country, with the money to be spent on marketing schemes that were aimed at making milk and cheese more alluring” (loc. 3085).

And guess what? It worked! Not only did Americans start buying more cheese, they also warmed to products that featured cheese among their ingredients (loc. 3139-66). And as they did, their consumption of cheese went up and up. As the author notes, “where Americans, on average, were eating 11 pounds of cheese a year in 1970, they were up to 18 pounds in 1980, 25 pounds by 1990, 30 pounds in 2000, and 33 pounds by 2007, when the rates dipped in the recession before resuming their surge” (loc. 3186).

tight rope

Just. It’s nice, listen to it. Just for listening sake.

After 38 years of working and having big head opinions I have learnt only one thing  - the duality of truth – or rather the multiplicity of truth. There is no absolute truth and there is no absolute opinion. Everything changes, what you like today, what you believe in firmly today, what you think about others and what other think about you. Things change.

When I was growing up Bollywood music was at its bottom. We had Nadeem Shravan ruling the charts and the legendary RD Burman passed away giving his last hit in 1942 – a love story. Any one remember the hit of those times – Sajjan starring Salman and Sanjay Dutt. Wow. My teen and formative years in that sense were horrible. The only saving grace I can think of is that the greatest stars who still rule the movies today – viz the three khans were all launched at the time. My era gave Bollywood its superstars who ruled and are still ruling – more than 20 years on. That’s cool.

The other thing was that we wore baggies in college. Baggies were so in that we wore two sizes big and we put pleats in almost everything. We had pleats on our pants. We had many pleats on out pants… we had multiple pleats and then we had box pleats and reverse pleats… anything to make it fashionable and baggy. And now – I don’t have a pant with even one pleat. Not one. Wow. We used to look at these straight pants and tight pants and laugh at them saying – eeps – that’s so old. And now I wear slim fits and love them. It also helps that I am slimmer than most. So also alongside the slim fits came the slim body structures that made it all fashionable together. Suddenly my slim body structure is so much in fashion. I am lean and these lean t shirts make me look leaner and I dare say – fashionable. So the poor guys who sweat it at the gym building those crazy ripping bodies are suddenly out of fashion. Hah!

And suddenly right now I saw the coppersmith barbet outside my window. I love it when I see it on the peepal tree. I love the window of office and the fact that my desk faces the window. Dam cool.

Coming back – my own dress sense. Earlier I was a checks and khakhi person. Comfort pants and stuff, suddenly I am rediscovering the joy of wool. WOOL? Ya wool and its blends. Now my work hardly takes me outside. I am in an air conditioned environment and woolen pants work just fine. So now – I am into greys. The number greys I have in my wardrobe. I would never have worn so many greys but suddenly I have been gravitating towards them. It’s funny. I was always the colorful guy and suddenly I am all grey and “melancholy”. Seesh. I am old.

I used to shave everyday when I was in college – and now I shave once in two or three days. I would comb my hair and not I just run my fingers through it. I would polish my shoes and now I just step down once in a while. English songs were it and now I don’t know a single new English number. I have no clue what the new sound is in Hollywood.

Things change. The above were just illustrations of outward change – but they portend a change that is inside of you. Inside of me. I too have changed in beliefs and values. Someone told me that parenting is all about values. You try and give values and hope for the best. Well I am a little confused. Over the years I have changed so much thanks to so much changing stimuli around me that I have hardly found any of my values consistent and constant. There seems to be an undercurrent that is possibly the same but I can make out what that is. I am unable to articulate it. I would be fiercely nationalist and now I don’t care two hoots about it. Love had changed it form, structure and meaning to me. I see it differently. Love was to come home and not having to do the dishes – now love is coming home and doing the dishes. It’s changing it is moving and I have no clue how and why.

Exposures seem to be the key to formation of opinion and beliefs. But surprising to me is that no belief has remained permanent. So I don’t expect Jispa to hold on to any beliefs. My parents did teach me some value stuctures and beliefs but that is become so muddled with my experience and those I have built on top that I cant make out what is driving me at all.  Hence with Jispa I am treading with care. I don’t want to force any dogma down her throat. I can only teach a healthy cynicism for everything and a faith in everything. Its like a bit of opposites reconciling. Question everything and believe in everything at the same time. You have to keep your mind running and logic flowing but also keep your mind from running and try and be in the moment. It’s a tough one. To accept and to question at the same time. To accept and to believe will keep you alive today, the cynicism will keep you alive tomorrow. You know it’s a lot like the science fiction movies or the super hero movies. You have to accept that shit happens, that will help you enjoy the movies, but you also have to believe in the rest of it, the ideas and the limitations of what the hero can or cannot do. he may be able to jump from one building to another, but if her jumps in a way that you don’t believe then you don’t like it. So you can suspend belief only that much, and any more – you are in trouble. Being rooted versus flying – what a delicate tight rope act.

to give you another instance - while we were at the Delhi Museum, my colleague asked me - how would you know that these are the real relics of the Buddha. I answered - no you cant be really really sure. but the dates must have matches and the place they got it from had the tablets bearing the inscriptions and the story matches and hence we believe that the remains are that of the Buddha and we revere them in that manner, but no - you still never can be 100% sure. The guide was asked the same question ten seconds later by another tourist - she replied - its the Delhi museum - they wouldn't have put it here without doing some carbon dating. Hah! Unquestionable dogma versus reconciliation of opposites.