she is never a woman to me

Dam her. She is now grown up. A big girl. The way she reacts, the tantrums she throws, the big girl. I am suddenly realizing that the she is now grown up quite a bit. In the sense that now there is a certain sense of maturity that she exhibits that makes her different from the small tiny girl who I could all cuddle up. Sure girls remain girls in that sense that she still wants a hug at night before sleeping and she smells my night suit and says… yay… papa smell. So that’s still a relief. But man she is grown up.

She comes upto her mama’s ears and she can simply whisper something without Jasmine bending. She weighs a ton and I can no longer carry her. I can’t even pull her off the bed. It hurts the shoulders. She had power in her hands and when she and I play slap slap… I get hurt. The last few days I have realized that she is a big girl now.

Jasmine and me were telling her – how you are a big girl and now you need to behave like a big grown up. You have to sit right, cross your legs, no slouching and lying around. Sit on the table but don’t rest your head on your hand while eating. All the parenting is now focused on you are now grown up. Behave like that. Arrrggghhh.

But at the same time I am looking forward to talking to her. That is if she would like to talk to me. I look forward to long conversations on various topics. I look forward to being challenged. I want to get into arguments in which we will be forced to check the veracity of what the other is saying by checking the internet or some of the books that we have. That should be fun. As of now she adds a lot of value to conversations where I am trying to learn about stuff she did in school. Some of the stuff is pretty advanced for me. In fact I wonder why we teach so much to the kids. Most of what we learn is lost on most of the kids. But for the time being, it’s fun learning stuff.

Back to Jispa – Jispa if we don’t argue on some random irrelevant stuff to our life then I don’t think we are talking enough. Did you understand that? Here is one to a big showdown. But yes – after the showdown I expect a huge hug.

Here is a song for you…

football!

Oh man the football world cup is here. One of the things that I really miss by not having cable TV is the Football world cup.

I was in Dubai till I was about 8 years old. The national sport of the Emirates is Football. Of course we immigrants would be crazy about cricket but football was well promoted. And to add  - my brother was great at football and loved playing it. So football was an important sport. Then we came to India and we enrolled ourselves in Don Bosco. Being a catholic school run by priests – the favorite sport they played was – yes you guessed it – football. Football was seen as a more prestigious sport than cricket and the super stars were not the ones in the cricket team but the ones in the football team. This was in spite of the fact that the famous Indian cricketer Ravi Shastri was an aluminous of the school and had led the school to victory in the prestigious Giles shield. Cricket was meant for sissies.

I tried to get into the football team and I think just because I was the brother of a good player – the rector in charge took me in the B team. I practiced for a few days only to fall ill. It was monsoon and I would fall ill every monsoon and so I never did get to play serious football. Though I do think that I would have sucked at it. I liked to play defender and I would see myself charging at the ball and throwing myself at it. I liked to slide and tackle. The muck was so much that you just slide and even if you missed the ball completely and knocked the striker out, nobody really cared. The game was completely on who was ready to get muckier than the other.

So I never did get to play too much football even though I loved the sport. That was a really bad thing and so I naturally moved on to other sports and qualified for basketball. It was a weird reason that I moved to basketball. There was an essay that we had to write in the seventh standard on a sport and I was still hung over the “I grew up abroad thing” and I wrote about playing basketball and baseball, though I never did play the sport. And then… one day we wanted to field a team and a senior came to the classrooms asking or players. I put my hand up. We were called for trials and were taught a few basics of the game. After this they held a small trial where they asked us all to run up dribbling to the net and throw a ball. I remember mine going in for a basket. And boom – I was in the school team. After this we got some better training from one of the seniors who was a basketball fanatic and we improved. We had one guy from US in the school, one Indian whose parents tried to experiment with coming back. He was the only genuine player. I think his name was Sameer. The others were simply in and around him. We played on the full size court and then before the match, we were told that we would be playing on the smaller courts with smaller balls. Junior basketball. We played against the school called Ahmed Sailors they were the reigning champions and were rumored to field over age players. We lost our first game pretty bad. No one really did give us a chance. I don’t remember but we did get a few balls inside. We didn’t even know the rules completely. I remember getting a foul for taking too much time to throw the ball from outside and once for cutting the line while throwing in. It was a disaster!

But it was enough to fool myself that I am a basketball player and I lived that lie enough for the next few years to be amongst the better players around. Enough to be good enough for the interclass teams, which is also not a bad deal in a school that prides itself on sports. As far as football is in consideration – I must have played one or two interclass matches, as a defender. I think I was so bad that I would play in one half and then play in another. Pappu footballer.

My next stint with football was in intercorportae matches. As in cricket; its not about skill set but more to do with being young and energetic – basically fit enough to run around. Once while I was in Star TV I played one day for their team in a seven a side match. I quickly realized that the game. There was no offside. Which is a great game changer as far as football is considered. All you have to do is hang around the goal. In effect you need attack and then defense. You don’t need a midfield. Seven a side matches are played on smaller grounds and have kick ins from the outside line. We had one champion striker. So I rallied the team to ensure he gets the ball, from any angle. My role in the team was to kick the ball to him. I kept giving him high lobs for him to convert. We won our matches on the first day but my kicking style along with my bakwaas shoes ensured I was with a broken toe nail by the end of the day. So the next day I wasn’t there and we lost. From what I heard of the guys – I thought we lost on strategy more than anything else.

Other football matches I played in were other corporate matches. Again the only reason I might be taken in was because I was fit enough to run / kick. These used to be played during the monsoon and the grounds used to be full of muck. I used to keep falling all the time. You try and kick the ball and whoosh – you are staring at the sky.  It was a terrible ordeal. Till one day I decided to buy football studs. Then on my life improved dramatically, but I think I only played one tournament before my knee gave way and I don’t have the courage to play anymore.

Talking about football studs – my brother played in the school team and hence had studs. But that was another story altogether. In 1984/85 India was a ridiculously poor country and the football studs were made of wood. Yes. These were called wooden studs and were nailed to the shoes. If you were rich would you buy rubber studs.  My poor brother must have had quite an ordeal coming in from Dubai and then wearing wooden studs for the game. I think I have worn them on one occasion and yes – they were painful. Especially since the nails would pass through the insoles thanks to the extensive use. Many years later one sports salesman at a store told me that they looked like wood but were actually made of hard leather. Whatever. The nails were iron for sure.

So now I have a pair of studs in my cupboard that serve no real purpose. I don’t know what to do with them. I hate to throw them away but I know I will never be able to use them. Will have to throw them for sure. Sigh. And as far as the world cup is concerned. I will have to see the updates on google and figure. What else?

Just for the record – I have always loved the German football team.

a good proposition

One of the things the country is going gaga over is the current PM. Great. He does seem to be making all the right noises and is promising an administration that works. Only time will tell what will actually happen. In any case – my vote was going for his party for a very simple selfish reason. A few years ago, I came to the conclusion that all of them are equally bad, but at least the right winged BJP when in power started the amazing road project called the golden quadrilateral. Thanks to this at least we got some great arterial roads linking the country. When Jasmine and I bought our second home, we were completely short of cash and therefore we needed a vacation we resorted to driving holidays to save time. I used to always tell Jasmine to go on a driving holiday. For many years she steadfastly refused. But I guess the lure of saving so much money was too much to refuse and she agreed. Then we were hooked and we went to places as far as Hampi or Udaipur in our car for a vacation. So my vote was clear. I get my road and you get your vote.

This time the route of the Congress has been complete. With less than 50 seats they are not in a position to even be the head of the opposition. This has the supporters going gaga. Public memory is notoriously short. 10 years ago when congress won without a PM candidate everyone expected the Italian born Sonia to take the post. When she gave the mantle to the affable Manmohan Singh, people thought it’s a wonderful thing. He was the toast of the nation and everything he did was awesome and path breaking. Especially his honesty. His wife was interviewed and was asked about the rising cooking gas prices. She knew the price and was hopeful they don’t rise. The PM’s life was simple enough that his wife was hands on in the managing the household on simple budgets. Ten years hence the poor guy was pilloried in media and on jokes and was seen as an honest man but who couldn’t speak or say anything against the high command. Let’s see what Modi has to offer. Right now he is living the PR dream.

So coming back – everyone seems to enjoying the amazing mandate that the PM got. A complete destruction of the opposition. Now here is where I turn turncoat (is that a double negative) but yes, now I am lamenting the lack of an opposition. The joker in the pack in this election was the AAP party. Born out of an opposition to corruption, this party contested the Delhi assembly polls to come in with a slim mandate and became the ruling party. After that the media turned on him and he started doing the wrong things to be in the limelight. Possibly he was doing a great job on basic governance but his last stand was to sit in a dharna outside the parliament. The CM doing a dharna in his own state. That was kind of weird. He lost some support in his own backyard. Then he contested the National elections in 400+ seats only to win 4. He hardly even made a dent as a party spoiler.

All over the AAP was lampooned. Which is possibly a fait thing but still his value to the country as a mad crazy opposition was too valuable to loose. He seems governed by his own agenda. He seems to be anti everything, he seems to be directed by his own mad passion for opposing. He is the classical opposition and for a democracy to thrive we need him. So now I would love to be with him.

While browsing around – I came to this site www.prop4rev.com. A bunch of young film makers set out to document the opposition to corruption movement and ended up following and documenting the start of the AAP party. They didn’t realize the goldmine they were onto. And they shot a real load of footage. Post which they needed money for postproduction. Here is their video

Now I normally don’t open my purse strings for charity. I don’t even donate to any party. My charity is limited to those around me. In the past I used to give for some social cause but that too is something I have stopped. I rather help people I know, touch and feel. But this seemed too good and close to my heart to resist.

Young kids deciding to shoot an anti-corruption movement find themselves in a sea of revolution. A crazy bunch of committed individuals trying to change the country. Then they go online and decide to raise money. On the website they shoot a great video and make a compelling case. Then write some nice lines and put figures against which you can see what to get in addition to warm fuzzy feelings. I opened my kitty.

A few days later I get this email from them thanking me and telling me that they achieved their funding goal.

Dear Jaimit,

Thank you for contributing Rs.**  towards our initiative, Proposition for a Revolution. You have been one of the first few to participate, and we really appreciate your gesture.

Thanks to well-intentioned and generous people such as yourself, we have already raised over Rs. 12,00,000. As you might have seen on the website, that Rs.12,00,000 was our minimum target.However, this is only the beginning.  

This is what we need to complete an initial rough cut of the film.  After this, we will also need funds for other imperative post production costs, like sound design, music work, colour correction, etc., and eventually also for publicity towards release, outreach to cinema theaters across India, etc.  We truly feel that the film should reach out to as many people as possible.

Your contribution has helped towards making this happen. Thank you. We urge you to continue sharing the campaign, and supporting the initiative.  

Visit our website: www.prop4rev.com

Like us on: www.facebook.com/prop4rev

Follow us on: www.twitter.com/prop4rev

Subscribe to us on: www.youtube.com/prop4rev

This is also the beginning of a political dialogue in the country, wherein we can voice and put into action the change we wish to see around us.  We would like everyone to become part of this dialogue.

We will keep you updated with progress on the project over the next few months.  This is your project too, now.  

Best Wishes,

Khushboo and Vinay

---

Cute and nice. I must appreciate their effort. Well done.  Worth my pennies. They also very cleverly hid the fact that they need more money after post production in the appeal but slipped it in the emailer. Solid marketing buggas these kids have turned out to be. Nice job. A great proposition!

end it

Jasmine and I felt so dam cheated. We sat through 22 episodes of prison break and lost some sleep over it. We tried watching whenever we had time, catching even one episode if possible. My friend had given us the episodes. It started well and was gripping enough. Towards the end, all hell broke loose with characters dying left right centre and the plot getting out of control of the writers. It grew too big on them and suddenly they were facing Mount Meru and they wondered what to do. A victim of their own success they avoided simple clichés but then left it abrupt and hanging. In fact after it ended Jasmine and I were googling to know if 22 was indeed the last episode. It was so random.

A story is supposed to end right and this ending is crucial. I think many script writers or story tellers have met their grave in the endings. Even the great harry potter series built up brilliantly well only to end loose. Very few have been able to close it in a way that you see and say – oh shit. Awesome. That’s why you have saccharine  sweet endings. If you don’t know what to cook just make something sweet. When you don’t know what to gift – gift a chocolate. Sweet.

One interesting ending I remember and will probably stay in memory for a long time will be Parinda. The Movie had a great villain with Nana Patekar as Anna. He overshadowed everything in the movie. The two heroes were reduced to mere bystanders. But in the end the evil must end and who will destroy it. The hope was over when he killed the upholder of good (one brother). It was obviously left to the other … but how will the other destroy evil. He has to walk into the lair and be completely unarmed.  That Anna was to be destroyed is a given but poetic justice must be served and that will make or break the movie. It was a class act. Here is the ending, though I wonder if you will appreciate the ending if you haven’t seen the movie.

I remember I was kid when it was released. It made a huge impact. Soon after the release I was roaming around at my cousin’s place in Ghatkopar. We used to go there often. My cousins (they were my uncles) were young and were revered in the area. So being their nephews we were treated very well in the area. But they weren’t too well off. I remember a plan being made in the area to see the movie. The youngest uncle wanted to go. Then when the gang was going I shouted out to him – he told me that he wasn’t going. I asked why, it’s a nice movie. He replied that he wasn’t in the mood. The elder brother heard him and called out to him and then gave him the money to go. I guess it was money stopping him. Next time I met the younger uncle – he had shaved his head to a close crop and was roaming around in kurta pyjama a la Anna. He was completely mesmerized by the movie and the villain. It did not matter that villain died in the end – brutally – a death befitting his evil – but it was Anna all the way.

Endings are crucial. Most of the time it’s not what you do that people remember you by, it’s how you exit or end… that is critical. When it ends there is invariably a void, but a nice ending helps fill the void with better memories.

Take whatever you want from this as a life lesson :) bah.

explore

This is a ridiculously funny prank to be played on people. Imagine the frustration when you are stuck in a foreign land and you have to go to your room and the elevator starts talking to you and send you to another place altogether. Arggghhh. It’s so bloody irritating.

The last time I was abroad was I went to Sanghai. Luckily I wasn’t diagnosed as lactose intolerant before I went there or else I would have had the worst time of my life. If vegetarian isn’t enough in China being lactose intolerant would have completely killed me.

This was a guided tour along with a conference. We had a day of sightseeing. I normally hate that sightseeing and the whole shepherding in a bus but I also see no option for the organisers. So it’s best to carry on. But I hate the part where the take you to a tourist shopping destination designed to scam the tourist by showing them an “original “ place to buy something exotic. Something like a jade workshop or in this instance a pearl palace. I hate it. I always fight and wonder what the hell is going on. But most others seem to be happy to go and buy some ridiculous junk for their wives or girlfriends. So while the crowd went in, a few happy friends and I went out for a walk in the cold city. We kept roaming pretty aimlessly. I am always a sucker for new culture and new stuff but in china its always difficult to do anything new. We saw a juice bar and went there. There was almost nothing I could make out. So I just pointed out to something interesting that was being made for another customer. Now I don’t remember how I figured it was vegetarian but I finally had it – and it was warm lemon juice with one more interesting additive like a litchi or something. Wow. That was cool. I never knew warm sherbet was this fun.

Travelling anywhere is always a great thing. You have to go outside the confines of your city or routine and visit new places, do new things and learn more. You have to have plenty of exposure to stuff around you. Exposure is the key. You go out, you meet new people, you experience new things. That is life. There is post that’s gone viral on why travelling or having a gap year and seeing the world is a great thing and they give some 17 odd reasons. Hah! Sure. Travel is something jasmine and I discovered is critical for ourselves. At first we would wonder where to go and how to go and what to see. We would wonder and think about the places to go. We would ask someone for helping us make an itinery and places to stay etc. Till once we had to go on our own once. I think the first big one was directly Singapore. I had been there on an official tour and then had vowed to take the family there.

The stress was pretty high. I searched and researched and did a lot of stuff online. I was under severe stress on what to do and where all to go. Plus we had Jasmine’s mom and dad coming along with us. but that was a fun trip and then the next time we planned a vacation to Rajasthan using guide books /internet and some references. Post which we did kumaon and now we were truly hooked on. Searching online for stuff, searching guidebooks and internet for places to go to and places to see and search for undiscovered places or hang out popular tourist spots. We were truly independent. The journey was as interesting or I dare say as important as the destination.

The bug had truly bit us. Then like seasoned travelers we went with a little less research all the time. As in you know what you are going to do and the places you are going to see but you aren’t completely prepared. You are ready to take it on one day at a time. You see and wonder and take calls and think a bit while you are there. You miss a few you spend time at a few. From a fairly fixed route plan you allow for chaos and spontaneity. Then it gets all the more interesting.

Who needs 17 or 18 excuses to travel. You need only one EXPLORE and if that doesn’t excite you – nothing will.

the wall

Jispa had her swimming events this weekend. These are almost the finals of the year. They work hard through the year to go to this event. They compete to get in the top six of their events. Jispa’s age group is allowed to choose a max of four events in which they compete. The top six of the event gets to compete in the state meet which is being held at Nashik this year. Jispa is good enough to be selected for the state but she wouldn’t make it beyond that. Being a part of the Mumbai team is in itself an honour and hence this becomes the big event for the year.

Jispa has had a mixed year this time. She had a shoulder injury which threw her training schedule out of gear in December. Post her rehab her coach rejigged her schedule but she did miss out on a couple of seconds which she never did make up. Swimming is a complex sport in that way. You keep pushing and trying and improving strength and technique slowly slowly. You work and shave off your seconds. The events in which you compete also slowly change over the years, unless you are a born breaststroker and you simply go faster than anyone else in that one crazy stroke.

I have always wondered why there are so many events in the swimming championships. Its like having running races, but first you have the normal race, then having a race in which you run backwards, then having a race in which you can only hop, then a race where you can run only with your arms  going up and down like a bird… WTF – why do you need all these styles in swimming, when eth fastest is the free style – period. But hell. Breast stroke is a funny stroke, it takes the leats amount of power to stay afloat but here is where you get naturals and try harders. Some kids just naturally excel in this stroke and they effortlessly just go zoom. Jispa was a dead duck in this stroke. It was her worst stroke. She would excel in the butterfly but go very slow here. She even won a few back stroke medals. In fact at the start we thought she would be winning back stroke medals only. In the individual medley where you have to get all the strokes in the breast stroke we would wonder if had a parachute holding her back when it came to the breaststroke length. But this year dramatically things changed for her in the last one month. Her back stroke deteriorated and her breasts stroke improved. So much so that she flipped her events at the last minute. That was weird.

Coaching is such a technical thing. So many small small minute changes you need to do in your technique and your daily routine so that you keep improving. We are happy that Jispa got a sport that she takes so seriously. But it’s getting increasingly difficult to manage both, but we figure that later. So soming back – its nice to get a sport to push yourself in. But the thing is that he coach is a dork. I mean that he is a sweet simple well meaning guy who doesn’t push his kids too much but he also doesn’t know how to mentally push them. Jispa took part in the 200 m freestyle event and I was wondering what she is doing. She would go slow and fast and I thought she paced herself badly. That was the only event she didn’t qualify in. I spoke to her afterwards. What was she doing. She said she was conserving. Conserving in a 200 m race. These kids swim for 4kms at a  stretch. 200 is still a sprint. You push hard. The I spoke to her.

“You know Jispa what a wall is? You keep swimming faster and faster till you reach a wall. Then to break that wall you need to go really fast and put all your efforts. Now that is a 50 m sprint. You break the wall. If at all you want to conserve in a race like 200 – you keep swimming harder and harder till you reach the wall. You were nowhere near the wall, you were slower than your wall. This was you conserved more than what you needed to. You have to be near the wall at all times. You may choose not to break it before the last 50 but then not being near it is a crime.” Jispa nodded. She admitted that the wall was a little distance away. Then I told her in the IM – stay near the wall. Push yourself to be near wall at all times. Stay there, never the wall be too far from you. After the event she admitted that it was probably a good advice to get.

The wall – I think in all my sports I have always faced the wall.  It is the natural barrier that an athlete has towards his or her performance. He battles the wall every time. Most sports are you versus the wall. How close do you keep yourself to the wall and how much are you ready to risk to break it down. These walls move ahead thanks to practice and hard work and technique. But they will always be there – finally it is the mental edge in that lets you see the wall and break it down / or even simply follow it. In all that we do we must see the wall. The wall is it.

 Now isn’t the coach supposed to give this advice. But the coach is a happy middle class dork. This is something he will never understand. Understanding the psychology of your kids and seeing who can take what kind of advice is something alien to him. Understanding management techniques and having the ability to push the boundaries of his wards is what the coach is about. I guess I will have to be more involved in these things. I stay out of it. I don’t want too much clutter in her brain. I am not so ambitious, but now if she wants to swim on she is going make a lot of sacrifices. Then she needs to go beyond. She needs a mental edge and an ability to push herself. She needs to think clearly. The dork will not be enough. Chalo… more shit that I need to do.

Now listen to this unrelated song.

la la LLI

Many years ago I started teaching, I think it was in 2002 as Jispa was born around the time I had my first teaching assignment. That time it was a fun and unique experience. It’s remained as much fun since then. But at the time I did something weird. At the end of the class I sat with each student and spoke to them – one on one. And I explained to them what they were facing in life and what they needed to do to break out… or something like that. That was a crazy thing. That was the first time I realized that I could start talking about people’s life at will. One kid was amazed because what I told her was exactly what her mother used to tell her all the time. I hardly would have taken 7-8 sessions with them but yet I knew quite a lot.

I thought that was a cool party trick where I could at will talk about people’s life and amaze them with how much I can figure. We are probably not as transparent as it may seem. In office as I grow up I normally have to counsel kids and get them to improve and they are amazed with how much I can tell. People have asked me over the years, how is it that I know so much. How can I tell? Some find it creepy and some find it crazy. For me it was a simple logical deduction. I released that I notice much more than the average Joe on a lot of things. I don’t notice this consciously. It’s more on a sub conscious level. It is there in my mind, forming patterns and images. So much is stored and then pulled out at will to create a pattern. Sometimes in office, I catch someone and randomly ask – so what’s bothering you. Didn’t sleep well? Or like the HR chick the other day – I asked her randomly – why did you not pursue your medical studies? She was wondering how I knew she wanted to be a doctor.

These things look creepy to the one on the outside but are completely logical and probabilistic to one on the inside. It’s one connection to another. It’s just that I notice a lot. Then soon I realized that this is a crazy thing to have. Some people will try and suck as much out of you, like a monkey doing tricks and some will get scared. And I also realized that this is only probabilistic. It is not a determinate science. I only build on what I know and what people agree to show me. I can go wrong and horribly so if people mislead me. And that at the end of it, it’s better for my brains to simply stop thinking.

These deductions are crazy and it’s not that I can spot someone gaming me every time, so it’s not something I have amazing gift that I can see through people. It’s only that I can somewhere try and understand your motivations and character and a bit of what defined your life coming till here, there is future I can see. At best I can only help you make a few choices by pointing the right questions…. But again nothing what you don’t know yourself.

I believed that happened because I was good at understanding probabilities and patterns. I live very happy with probabilities. I don’t necessarily need perfectly determined outcomes and plans. Add to that the fact that I have a crazy curious mind. I love to keep poking around and keep asking questions. An almost insatiable appetite for knowing why.

There was another trait which I did not think was related but I realize now is – ADD. Attention deficit disorder. In meetings and in conversations in office I quickly understand what the point the guy is trying to make and I lose the plot. I zone out. I understood the issue and want to move on. This is seen as arrogance. The other guy so many times tries to convince me that he has more to say, but I say yes or no – and say – great got it. This puts people off completely.

Another bad side of this – I just can’t understand how you don’t get it. It’s simple – it’s there on the board to see for all. It’s like staring me in the face, I keep saying – what you guys did not get it yet? This is the pattern / this is the trick / this is the answer / this is how it’s done.

All of this is interconnected and I did not know till I watched a few episodes of prison break. They talk about a condition called LOW LATENT INHIBITION (LLI). While I am nowhere near the crazy genius they show, I did try and research the term. And while I was researching I kept reading about stuff that I thought is exactly what I go through in life.

Latent Inhibition allows you to go through with life without getting insane. You block out repeated stimuli. You don’t notice everything about everything again and again. But with LLI – every time you notice everything about everything and that helps you understand if there has been a small change in stuff around you and you can draw conclusion from it.

“With low latent inhibition, an individual almost treats familiar stimuli in the same manner as they would new stimuli. Think of the details you notice when you see something new for the first time and how it grabs your attention. From those details all kinds of questions may arise in your mind. “What is that, what does it do, why is it there, what does it mean, how can it be utilized” and so on. The more of those questions you are able to figure out or answer, the better your understanding of that stimulus. The better your understanding of that stimulus, the more logical connections you are able to make between that stimulus and others around it. With the use of human memory you are then able to remember which questions you’ve already answered in relation to a particular stimulus, and those answers may then result in more questions. Low latent inhibition will usually result in extremely accurate instincts due to the sheer level of thought, processing and logical connection that has been made previously when faced with a stimulus or multiple stimuli.

So in terms of what we might see, somebody you know who’s generally always worn glasses might approach you having bought a new pair of glasses that look almost exactly the same but for a slightly different logo on the side. You usually wouldn’t notice the change of logo because your brain has almost dismissed the minor details that go with the pair of glasses they wear as ‘unimportant’. It’s your brains way of ensuring that it doesn’t need to constantly process new stimuli that probably won’t have any significance or importance to it. Yes they might wear glasses, but so what? In this example we simply see the glasses then move on.

An example of how somebody with low latent inhibition may see the same scenario could be that they almost instantly notice the smallest changes that seeing the new pair of glasses presents to them via the observation of stimuli, which may then lead to connections being made that people with normal latent inhibition might not make. For example from seeing the new logo, somebody with a low latent inhibition might deduce that their friend had been shopping since the last time they saw them, if they had been shopping they might have also recently received their monthly salary which meant they were able to buy the glasses. Did the friend have some insecurity with the last pair of glasses? If the person with low latent inhibition also knows the surrounding area well (and knows where the stores are that sell new glasses), and they know when the last time they saw their friend wearing his old glasses was (2 days ago), they might be able to work out the exact locations their friend will have been to, and depending upon which food their friend likes, where their friend might have eaten, and depending upon what their friends interests are, which other stores they might have been to after having been paid and what kind of things they might have bought…all from a small change of logo on a pair of glasses.”

You can read more here  - http://www.lowlatentinhibition.org/what-is-lli/

So it very aptly explains what I go through in life. It’s funny.

Here is another accurate description of what goes on in my mind

“You notice more, hear more, smell more and feel more through tactile contact. Without any conscious effort, your mind is in possession of a broader intake of information.

Upon encountering any form of stimulus (that interests you), your mind automatically dismantles and explores its components.

You usually see through the lies and the deceptions that people use in everyday life.

When learning, you can often make instantaneous changes.

Self-correction is easy because the underlying principle is more evident. Clearer.

You make connections and associations between seemingly unrelated material.

Comprehension is typically easy. You notice the non-verbal background information and this often provides a more comprehensive picture than what is being spoken.

There are exponential leaps of insight taking place all the time, with the background reasoning intact. Wave-upon-wave of permutations, options, variables and choices.

Creativity is a given. You see alternatives.

You notice things that other people miss.

There is no talking voice in your head. No 'chattering monkey'. The volume and complexity of the information drowns out conscious thought entirely.

Verbalising what takes place in your mind is impossible. Words render only a fraction of the entirety.

You see the world more thoroughly.

Listening to other people talking/thinking aloud can be infuriating. They are at point A when you have reached point N already.

Learning is not limited to defined periods of academic study. The assimilation of information is constant, ongoing and never static. There are no lulls or pauses. Everything offers a lesson.

Within the maelstrom of information there exists a place of calm and quietude. The eye of the storm. No verbalisation exists. No internal narrative. Just presence. No sense of self to intrude of interrupt.

Cons-

Education is awkward. Schools are not set-up to cater with this disorder. The way in which things are approached by schools seems piecemeal and incomplete.

It is difficult to write/type/speak quickly enough to articulate ideas and the breadth of the permutations involved.

Tact is necessary. People lie constantly.

LLI makes driving a car difficult. Your brain notices countless dangers and variables, and you become overwhelmed and nervous.

Hypervigilance can lead to anxiety.

Illusions are not very effective. You see through things without wanting to. Conventions and traditions have no significance.

You do not value what other people value.

Filtering out the variables and honing your options to something workable can be very difficult. Every solution potentially harbours new problems, new variables and new concerns.

People may find you to be a little odd, unorthodox or a little intense.

You have a habit of saying things that do not fit the accepted norm of behaviour. You often choose to disregard conventions because they serve no constructive purpose.

Background noise is a major problem. Noisy neighbours can cause serious stress.

Noticing things does not mean that you understand them. If anything, the abundance of what might be known lessens the desire to accumulate widespread knowledge.”

It seems that if you have LLI and a low IQ you are likely go crazy. But a higher IQ leads to creativity. And I think that’s the reason I am seen as far more creative than the average Joe.

Reading this has made me far happier about myself. In the middle I was wondering what is it that I have. Why do I see patterns that others don’t, what the hell is going on? Am I crazy or is the world DUH? It is very frustrating. Now I see it as a simple mental construct that is different from another.

And also I am happy with what my initial response was – just don’t think so much about what you are thinking. Thoughts will keep coming, just chill out and don’t give them too much importance. So more than anything else – this has helped me in some way deal with the frustration around me. Hopefully it will make me calmer and less irritable. Less moody. Less volatile. Tough shit.

its fun to have a little bit of issue in your life

A couple of weeks back when I entered the building, the lights had gone out. But the generator was working and hence the lifts were working. I got in and I saw that a foreigner was also in the life with me. On my floor, of the four flats, two were self-occupied and the other two were on rent. Jasmine and I are hardly there at home most of the time to even socialize with too many people in building. But we had noticed that one of the flats had a foreigner staying. We greeted each other in the lift and she asked if the lights were out. I said ya, but I guess they will be back. She was wondering if this was a regular affair and if these cuts last long. I explained that these are rare and are normally resolved fast. We kept on talking and then on our floor, I spoke to Jasmine and Jasmine lent her a candle and a match box to keep handy. We then called her over for dinner and …. We were friends.

We have been hanging out whenever she and us are free. We have been exchanging notes, cultures and various points of information. I have been explaining our history and she has been explaining hers. We chat and exchange recipes. That’s what Jasmine and I believe in completely. The more you meet people from other cultures, you share information and you share values, you only get richer. You must have an endless curiosity and if you are lucky you get response from that end as well. Andy is perfect in that sense. She is patient and loves to answer and ask questions. We learnt so much about her life in France and London. Jispa gets exposed to so much more than only Indian culture. Yesterday thanks to her I relived my marriage, my college and a lot of my childhood. Thanks to that Jispa relived it as well. There is so much inside of us that sometimes is lost or left inside just for the want of the right question.

I have never understood why we opposed marriages and unions across caste and language lines. We always were believed that the same will lead to a dilution of our own values and beliefs that we hold so close to our heart. I just don’t understand that. Jasmine is a kutchi. That is as close to a gujju like as can be while being different. Still I love the fact that she is different. Her traditions and customs are different and I try to understand her traditional food and how it is different from ours. My sense is that since they come from a harsher climate than mine they tend be different in a sparse sense as compared to the gujju food.

Of course while you are looking at the food, it is important to make the distinction between food that is traditional and food that is thanks to living in the city. One thing I have always maintained is that we are losing texture in the food we eat. Everything is down to the lowest possibly squichy food. We make everything soft and easy to swallow. Possibly a  fast urban lifestyle does not give us enough time to chew, possibly because when we are eating e are generally talking to other people and that gives us limited time to chew or possibly we just gotten lazy. But food is losing all granularity and texture. Look at the most popular foods we have – idli, dosa, pasta, margehita pizza, pav bhaji, burger, panner and roomali roti. Nothing is worth chewing it must be soft and smashed. Yesterday Andy made us dinner. She was wondering what to give us as I have a unique constraint – I am vegan. The vegetarian is the easy bit but not having cheese or butter is the crazy bit. I have been doing a fair amount of thinking on this. Lactose intolerant is a human trait and so how is it that we survived with this gene if we ate so much lactose. My theory is that lactose in our diets came about only recently. If you look at the recipes that grand mom made; the regular everyday recipes, not the special day recipes; they would largely be lactose free. So when Andy was thinking I told her to think of stuff that her grand mom made for her on an everyday basis. She did realize that cheese, which is an integral part of French cuisine today was not so much in her grandmom’s cuisine. And she made the most basic of deserts for us. The desert was la tarte aux pommes. – apple tart. No need of cheese, milk or butter. That was the boring everyday tart that they grew up on.

She made us some spaghetti with pesto sauce. Her sauce was crunchy, which was a far cry from the creamy one we eat at the restaurants in Mumbai. And then I asked her about the spaghetti – it was less soft than the ones we had. We would simply boil it till they are soft like a jelly. She says she learnt it form her mom and Italian friends. In fact it would be harder. There – the fast food nation had adopted and way to add cheese/ butter and make the food soft.

This lactose intolerance is a boon in some ways. I now look at food in a way I have never ever seen it. I have to watch everything I eat and that has led me to new thinking. I was never that interested in food or its origins or its history. Now I am trying to consume (no pun intended) as much as I can about it. Food interesting tells us as much about human behavior as anything else.

Just some excerpts from stuff I saw online – don’t believe anything completely but – here is something I found that kind of works with my claim that dairy is a modern day intervention that is not necessarily good for you.

“When it comes to dairy and the Paleo diet, some debates pop-up and dairy definitely is in a grey zone.In the strict Paleo sense, dairy of any form was not consumed in the paleolithic era, other than human milk in infancy of course. It just wasn’t very practical to milk wild game. The mere fact that something wasn’t  consumed during the paleolithic era doesn’t make it bad, but experience as shown us that it’s unfortunatly often the case. Dairy is no exception.”

http://paleoleap.com/place-of-dairy-on-paleo-diet/

but also do bear in mind –

The Paleolithic diet is a modern nutritional plan based on the presumed diet of Paleolithic humans. It is based on several controversial premises, the most important of which are: first, that human genetics have scarcely changed since the dawn of agriculture, which marked the end of the Paleolithic era, around 15,000 years ago; second, that modern humans are adapted to the diet or diets of the Paleolithic period; and third, that it is possible for modern science to discern what such diets consisted of.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleolithic_diet

and I have maintained that we now have more of buffalo and cow milk but I do remember stories of Goat milk being had by families. That’s why even vegetarians had goats in their houses. Read this –

There are other alternatives: take goat's milk, for example. Patients with diarrhea, asthma, bloating and irritability may be suffering from the most common food allergy: cow's milk. Goat's milk is a natural alternative to cow milk and can comfortably be consumed by many patients who suffer from cow milk allergies or sensitivity.

Although goat milk, like cow's milk and human milk, contains lactose, many people with lactose intolerance can drink goat milk. Why? It has been hypothesized that the reason lies in goat milk's superior digestibility. Goat milk is more completely and easily absorbed than cow's milk, leaving less undigested residue behind in the colon to quite literally ferment and cause the uncomfortable symptoms of lactose intolerance.

It may also be that the patient is not lactose intolerant at all, but instead is one of the 1-in-10 people who are allergic to the major protein of cow's milk ... alpha S1 casein protein. The symptoms are almost identical to those of lactose intolerance. Both goat milk and human milk lack this offending protein.

The digestibility of goat milk can be attributed to its casein curd, which is both softer and smaller than that produced by bovine milk. The smaller and softer the curd, the more easily accepted by the human digestive system.

http://www.dynamicchiropractic.com/mpacms/dc/article.php?id=38646

Of course – there is no absolute truth in anything. There are only theories and counter theories. But it’s nice to know a little more about something I previously never did bother too much about. Fun its is. So yes – problems in life are also fun. It’s what you make out of it :)

And yes – some more fun on cheese… this is from the book – Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us.  The following is an extract from a book summary I read online.

Our story begins in the 1930’s when the United States government first began subsidizing the country’s dairy industry (loc. 3049). This it did because the government felt that the dairy industry was “vital to the nation’s health” (loc. 3049). The specifics of this subsidization program were that the government would set price supports on dairy products, and also buy up any excess dairy products that the producers were unable to sell on the market (loc. 3051). As Moss explains, “the dairies didn’t have to bother with the normal commercial concerns in selling food. They didn’t have to mess… with any of the marketing tactics deployed by food manufacturers to boost consumption. The government simply bought as much as the dairies could make” (loc. 3053).

Now, in the 1950’s, milk was beginning to be seen as a fatty product (loc. 3032). And with this realization, milk sales began to suffer (loc. 3036). What’s more, those who did continue to buy milk were increasingly switching to the low fat varieties (2%, 1%, and even skim) (loc. 3033). The stripping of milk-fat from whole milk was leaving the milk producers with a whole lot of excess milkfat. This wasn’t such a big problem for the milk producers, though, because they were able to use the excess milkfat to make cheese, which was also protected under the government subsidy (loc. 3053-59).

This was a problem for the government, though, because they suddenly found themselves buying up more cheese than they knew what to do with. As Moss explains, “these government purchases hummed along rather quietly until 1981… By that point, there were so many operators sending so much excess milk and milkfat to cheese makers that the government was buying more cheese than it could ever give away. This cheese, along with surplus butter and dried milk, accumulated into a stack that weighed 1.9 billion pounds, and it cost taxpayers $4 billion a year… The storage fees alone were running upwards of $1 million a day. It grew so large, in fact, that the government began secreting it away in caverns and a vast, abandoned limestone mine near Kansas City” (loc. 3064).

The End of the Dairy Subsidies, and the Beginning of the Dairy Marketing Campaign

The mountain of milkfat continued to grow until the early 1980’s, which is when Ronald Regan came to power. Regan, of course, was not such a fan of government subsidies, and so the program was axed (loc. 3077). Nevertheless, the Regan administration was concerned about how this move would affect the dairy producers. So, in lieu of continuing subsidies, the government set up a program to help sell all the excess cheese. Specifically, the government required all dairy producers to chip in a certain amount to a new fund that would be used to market and advertise cheese to Americans (loc. 3086). As Moss explains, “under [the] plan, the government allowed a special assessment to be levied on every milk producer in the country, with the money to be spent on marketing schemes that were aimed at making milk and cheese more alluring” (loc. 3085).

And guess what? It worked! Not only did Americans start buying more cheese, they also warmed to products that featured cheese among their ingredients (loc. 3139-66). And as they did, their consumption of cheese went up and up. As the author notes, “where Americans, on average, were eating 11 pounds of cheese a year in 1970, they were up to 18 pounds in 1980, 25 pounds by 1990, 30 pounds in 2000, and 33 pounds by 2007, when the rates dipped in the recession before resuming their surge” (loc. 3186).

tight rope

Just. It’s nice, listen to it. Just for listening sake.

After 38 years of working and having big head opinions I have learnt only one thing  - the duality of truth – or rather the multiplicity of truth. There is no absolute truth and there is no absolute opinion. Everything changes, what you like today, what you believe in firmly today, what you think about others and what other think about you. Things change.

When I was growing up Bollywood music was at its bottom. We had Nadeem Shravan ruling the charts and the legendary RD Burman passed away giving his last hit in 1942 – a love story. Any one remember the hit of those times – Sajjan starring Salman and Sanjay Dutt. Wow. My teen and formative years in that sense were horrible. The only saving grace I can think of is that the greatest stars who still rule the movies today – viz the three khans were all launched at the time. My era gave Bollywood its superstars who ruled and are still ruling – more than 20 years on. That’s cool.

The other thing was that we wore baggies in college. Baggies were so in that we wore two sizes big and we put pleats in almost everything. We had pleats on our pants. We had many pleats on out pants… we had multiple pleats and then we had box pleats and reverse pleats… anything to make it fashionable and baggy. And now – I don’t have a pant with even one pleat. Not one. Wow. We used to look at these straight pants and tight pants and laugh at them saying – eeps – that’s so old. And now I wear slim fits and love them. It also helps that I am slimmer than most. So also alongside the slim fits came the slim body structures that made it all fashionable together. Suddenly my slim body structure is so much in fashion. I am lean and these lean t shirts make me look leaner and I dare say – fashionable. So the poor guys who sweat it at the gym building those crazy ripping bodies are suddenly out of fashion. Hah!

And suddenly right now I saw the coppersmith barbet outside my window. I love it when I see it on the peepal tree. I love the window of office and the fact that my desk faces the window. Dam cool.

Coming back – my own dress sense. Earlier I was a checks and khakhi person. Comfort pants and stuff, suddenly I am rediscovering the joy of wool. WOOL? Ya wool and its blends. Now my work hardly takes me outside. I am in an air conditioned environment and woolen pants work just fine. So now – I am into greys. The number greys I have in my wardrobe. I would never have worn so many greys but suddenly I have been gravitating towards them. It’s funny. I was always the colorful guy and suddenly I am all grey and “melancholy”. Seesh. I am old.

I used to shave everyday when I was in college – and now I shave once in two or three days. I would comb my hair and not I just run my fingers through it. I would polish my shoes and now I just step down once in a while. English songs were it and now I don’t know a single new English number. I have no clue what the new sound is in Hollywood.

Things change. The above were just illustrations of outward change – but they portend a change that is inside of you. Inside of me. I too have changed in beliefs and values. Someone told me that parenting is all about values. You try and give values and hope for the best. Well I am a little confused. Over the years I have changed so much thanks to so much changing stimuli around me that I have hardly found any of my values consistent and constant. There seems to be an undercurrent that is possibly the same but I can make out what that is. I am unable to articulate it. I would be fiercely nationalist and now I don’t care two hoots about it. Love had changed it form, structure and meaning to me. I see it differently. Love was to come home and not having to do the dishes – now love is coming home and doing the dishes. It’s changing it is moving and I have no clue how and why.

Exposures seem to be the key to formation of opinion and beliefs. But surprising to me is that no belief has remained permanent. So I don’t expect Jispa to hold on to any beliefs. My parents did teach me some value stuctures and beliefs but that is become so muddled with my experience and those I have built on top that I cant make out what is driving me at all.  Hence with Jispa I am treading with care. I don’t want to force any dogma down her throat. I can only teach a healthy cynicism for everything and a faith in everything. Its like a bit of opposites reconciling. Question everything and believe in everything at the same time. You have to keep your mind running and logic flowing but also keep your mind from running and try and be in the moment. It’s a tough one. To accept and to question at the same time. To accept and to believe will keep you alive today, the cynicism will keep you alive tomorrow. You know it’s a lot like the science fiction movies or the super hero movies. You have to accept that shit happens, that will help you enjoy the movies, but you also have to believe in the rest of it, the ideas and the limitations of what the hero can or cannot do. he may be able to jump from one building to another, but if her jumps in a way that you don’t believe then you don’t like it. So you can suspend belief only that much, and any more – you are in trouble. Being rooted versus flying – what a delicate tight rope act.

to give you another instance - while we were at the Delhi Museum, my colleague asked me - how would you know that these are the real relics of the Buddha. I answered - no you cant be really really sure. but the dates must have matches and the place they got it from had the tablets bearing the inscriptions and the story matches and hence we believe that the remains are that of the Buddha and we revere them in that manner, but no - you still never can be 100% sure. The guide was asked the same question ten seconds later by another tourist - she replied - its the Delhi museum - they wouldn't have put it here without doing some carbon dating. Hah! Unquestionable dogma versus reconciliation of opposites.

a little more

I have been really busy these days. There has been an amazing amount of travel. I have had another round of visiting cities and conducting research. Research is really exciting and a fun thing to do. it is something that I believe real marketing people must thrive in. You can’t really end up farting about stuff unless you have had the chance to meet your customers. I hold most firms including mine extremely guilty in this regard. Can you really find out ways and means to improve your services without meeting and understanding what the customer has to say about his needs and your firm?

I met another friend who is running his own start up. The biggest advice I gave him was to meet his customers. There are hundred things that need to get done at work. I am sure there is nothing (almost nothing) one does not know – on what to get done. But research at the least helps you prioritize what to do. It gives you amazing clarity on your role and what role the brand plays in the consumers mind. But still there is severe reluctance on almost anybody in so many organizations to actually do the research. We sit in our air conditioned glass offices and dream of what the consumer wants. We see bottom line and try and understand it, but we cease to see what really matters. That is what kills the company in the long run leaving it open to competitors to get a niche and exploit it.

If I had my way I would make it compulsory for all walks of employees to do atleast one day of research a year. One DAY? Yes atleast one day. It might be surprising to know that there is severe reluctance for any employee on an average to do any sort of research. Even the young marketing guys. I can’t understand this reluctance. I jump at every opportunity to go out and conduct research but the idiots in office don’t. They rather sit on their bums. I asked some young turks to go out and do some research but they dithered forever. Argh.

Lets get to the sales guys. The sales guys meet customers on a daily basis and believe that they are completely aware of the market situation and don’t require research. Of course they are aware but – there are riders to this. They only know what hits them and that too they are too busy selling to the customer to really listen. Customers just needs to be listened to and the same must be simply collated in an organized manner. In the sales system – from the bottom to the top – no one listens without an agenda. In fact I would argue – the best sales men who hit targets and sell a lot – they do so because they don’t have ears. They block out their mind to what is feedback so that they sell hard and fast. This noise distracts them. It is only the few TRULY GREAT sales people that have empathy and response that understands and genuinely wishes well for the customer. My sense is that this guy will typically lag in contests and sales on a monthly basis but builds a book over a long run that is impossible to beat. The difficult part is to survive the short run to thrive in the long run. The sales guys who I like the best and admire, all have this quality.

So coming back. I have been enjoying myself doing all this research. Also along with research , meeting people, I have been spending some time for myself in all these cities that I went. Been trying to see the local culture, a monument, a garden or perhaps the least of all – the local mall. Many years ago I had the privilege of travelling a lot. I wasted these journeys by being cloistered inside the hotel room. With the recession I released that had wasted that opportunity to see the city which I promised never to repeat. So now – with every city I try and do at least one thing that is enriching to me. Now I can talk more about a city, I can talk about a monument or a structure or even – a great place to eat, especially street food. It’s much more fun and rewarding.

Suddenly I feel even luckier to have a marketing job. Travelling and meeting people along with seeing stuff that would have traditionally been impossible. Small small things that add up in the long run. The museum in Delhi, or the street food in Ahmedabad, the obscure temple in Coimbature or the garden in central Bangalore. It all just adds up. That’s what I love doing. And that’s what keeps me alive as a marketerer.

There is one thing I want to do now. I want to pin a map of India on my desk and put a pin on every place that I have visited. I want to fill this with pins and cover every part of the country. Now that’s a good start.

across the spectrum

Sports a great thing. but understanding sports is an even greater experience. I have been lucky in that my dad was always encouraging us to play sports. We had a club membership in Dubai and when I was of age (and of wage) I invested in a membership that is paying me huge dividends. Now we have Jispa, who is bringing another angle to the sports discussion in the family.

While I have been playing sports for long, I first started understanding the mental aspects of sports only much recently. I guess it all started when I started playing in the team as a captain. I forced to think about the game and not only of my game. It made me aware of my game as well. It helped me think completely different about sport in general. Post which I have tried to understand and bring the brain into other sports as well. I have played cricket, squash, swam, run and a lot of badminton these days. The more I understand any sport the better is the understanding of sport in general. Over a period of time one understands different sports but is able to draw a set of lines going across all sports.

For example let’s take the head. The head position is so critical in sport. As a general rule, the head position must be as stable in sport. The head position maintains the balance and posture. It helps you see better and your hand eye work great. You don’t fall over while playing and you play with a firm balance. It also helps you recover better. I have seen this is batting, bowling, fielding, badminton, squash, billiards, TT… everything. Natural athletes typically don’t move their head too much. It’s only the eye that follows a moving object. Very little of head movement is done. Swimming is also similar. You keep your head stable as much as possible and you only turn enough to breathe. As little movement as possible. While I was being coached for swimming I realized that the head position is also critical for maintaining a position that keeps your body afloat. You don’t look ahead; you don’t look down – you look at an angle that is roughly 45 degrees ahead. This keeps you afloat.

Recently Jispa attended a swim camp organized by Rehan Poncha. Rehan was one of the Indian swimmers at the Beijing Olympics. He is now running camps and trying to fund his golfing career. He is very good with the kids and he basically is giving tips on land training, stretching, followed by swimming drills and then a talk on nutrition, mental preparation etc. one of the things he explained was to have loose muscles. Keep your body loose then they move faster. Hands if kept loose move faster than if they are tight. That’s an interesting thing. It works well with what my coach was trying to show me to do while swimming as well.

Now one of the things that I can’t do in badminton is smash hard. As in – I can but I don’t do it consistently enough and I only do it from far. If I am close to the net I try to rely on placements and not on power. But that’s not enough to kill a point. I am always worried that I will hit the net and so to avoid an unforced error I tap the shuttle. This then extends further and then I stop smashing altogether as I realized today. I just refused to smash. My partner then looked at me and begged – Smash kar yaar. I do have a decent smash when I pull it off. Then I just out of the blue decided to loosen my muscles and try. I remembered what Rehan said. Keep them loose. And then boom boom bang.  A flurry of smashes later my friend exclaimed – Your smash is back. We won five points in a row with my smashes. Just keep them loose and let it go.

Cross sport understanding is a great thing. You have to keep the basics simple. Its always the case. Placing is important in squash and the similar principals work in badminton. Head position is crucial, less movement, more balance.

Such is also in life. You learn from everywhere and anything. You have to understand and know a lot of stuff. This helps you think clearly and apply lessons learnt from one to another. Of course it obvious that to apply you have to exposed to a lot. That’s what I always try for. As many exposures as possible. I try and expose Jispa to various experiences and I try and expose myself as well. Anything new – worth doing once or twice. At worst – the worst experience will tell you what you don’t like about the experience. The principal is simple – if you have enough exposures you will have enough learnings. You must be curious at all points of times. We had a management meet recently with some psychometric tests thrown in. I went off the scale on the curiosity parameter – and the shrink was telling me that I have a practically insatiable appetite for learning. Yes of course. Insatiable. Constant and always on. I will try and learn every second and form anyone and from everything. It drives me crazy but it’s the only thing that keeps me sane. Hah. After a long time – opposites reconciling.

Why so serious?

Nah… if you see this I don’t like you to think of it as inspirational. Nopes. It doesn’t inspire me. It’s not that if you have cerebral palsy or any such thing you can still defeat the odds and come out trumps. That is something I take for granted. You can defeat all odds and come out trumps. The question is simply what sacrifices you want to make and how much will power you have.

The big thing in this I see is simply a little bit of me. This chic doesn’t need your sympathy or special treatment; she has accepted what wrong and moved on. She accepted what’s not there and moved on in life. It’s a freaking joke. Have fun. Now can you move on?

I have sick many numbers of times. I have been a sickly kid all my childhood. I would fall sick every year and most of the time more than three times a year. I was pretty frustrated. All my college life I was weighing around 58 kgs. I would look at weighing scale and hope it inches upwards. In variably there was a pattern – I move up to 60 and boom – I would fall sick. Back to eth dreaded 58. So when people tell me that today I look lean – I wonder – I am 73 kgs now. imagine me with 15 kgs less! Wow. That is LEAN. But I have always been sick so being sick is pretty cool with me. I moved on from being sick and grumpy to being sick and funny. I mean who the hell cares – its fun. I don’t want to be seen as a dumb grumpy guy with an issue. I want to be as a fun guy who is fun not because he is healthy but is fun because he is. Sick or not.

Today I live with two big issues. The first one is my right knee. It simply dislocates time and again. Ya. Any side strain on it and – pop, it dislocates. I have learnt to play with the issue. No extra stress on the right knee. Short steps and less long strides that put outward pressure. And when it pops, I go through some pain – straighten it till it pops back in. those around me go “oh shit, I heard the click when it popped in”. So there. It popped back in and I stand up and say, come on, lets continue. And I SMILE. I never fail to smile. Hopefully I crack a joke or two at myself. Good fun.

The second affliction I now have to live with my entire life – lactose intolerant. That too is fun. Jopke about it and move on. What’s the big deal. Move on.

Surely I don’t have anything as severe as this lady has. She obviously has fought much more. But I am only inspired not by what she has achieved. People who work hard will achieve, but I am inspired by her being able to joke at it. I too want to go on a lactose intolerant stand-up comedy show and talk about the various shit I face when I talk about being lactose intolerant. I went to Punjab recently and people there wondered if I had lost it completely and what kind of quack I must have met. Who the hell doesn’t have lassi or butter? I already have decent ammo for this. I think in some time I will be a stand up comic joking about lactose intolerance. My best retort is simply – well – all humans are lactose intolerant but a lot of us have developed a mutation that helps us manage and digest lactose. Don’t believe me? Well you are a mutant according to Wikipedia : “Most mammals normally cease to produce lactase, becoming lactose intolerant, after weaning, but some human populations have developed lactase persistence, in which lactase production continues into adulthood. It is estimated that 75% of adults worldwide show some decrease in lactase activity during adulthood. The frequency of decreased lactase activity ranges from 5% in northern Europe through 71% for Sicily to more than 90% in some African and Asian countries. This distribution is now thought to have been caused by recent natural selection favoring lactase-persistent individuals in cultures in which dairy products are available as a food source. While it was first thought that this would mean that populations in Europe, India, Arabia and Africa had high frequencies of lactase persistence because of a particular mutation, it was later shown that lactase persistence is caused by several independently occurring mutations”

So you are the mutant Ninja turtle, not me. See your pic…

Ok ok… I guess you prefer Wolverine:

See you wished for super powers – you did not know it but you were actually part of the Mutant project and soon enough you will be called to join the mutant force to protect Planet Earth.

Ok fine – it sounds much more funnier when I say it than when I write it. But you get the drift. I surely hope that I don’t go through much more pain in life. But I surely don’t want to be the guy who would sulk over it. I want to be the fun guy who went down laughing – laughing my gut out. Why so serious?

wake up

Today morning was rare day. I normally don’t like waking Jispa up and she senses my weakness to let her sleep. She wants me to huddle up with her and keep sleeping. I like waking her up and taking a long time to do so. But then when she needs to wake up on time and I go in, she still tries to sleep for some time, irritating Jasmine. That’s when both of us get a scolding. So I tell Jispa to wake up and get going or else Mom will scold us. Then one sharp shout from Jasmine and we are all awake.

So when we have to go swimming I hate waking her up. Jasmine’s strategy is simple, before Jispa comes into her senses, while asleep – just pick her up and put her on her feet and guide her to the bathroom. Jispa will then wake up while brushing. She may create a slight fuss but she will in the end wake up and have a slow start to her day. Today for the first time she told me that she didn’t want to go swimming. She was too tired. Now that is a tough thing to say to dad. It’s a complete bummer.  I’d like her to sleep. Sleep for more time dude if you are tired. But at the same time, you are tired because of your sets and the only way out for an athlete is to get up and swim again.

At this stage as a dad, I am discouraging Jispa from swimming. I see very little future for her in India. There isn’t much you can do as a swimmer. The coaches are bums, the system sucks and the whole environment won’t let you do anything of note. The only thing that is there is studies and college led growth. But still that’s not the whole thing. Jispa swims morning and evening. That’s great for her but I would also love her to play badminton or TT or Tennis or Squash. Play another game. Get your hand eye coordination going. Do more. Swimming is sucking away her entire childhood and my fatherhood.

I like her swimming but I really think it’s way too much sacrifice for nothing much. She should play, read and chill out in addition to swimming. But there isn’t enough time. I want to play badminton with her. That should be good fun. A good game where she beats the shit out of me. I can play a bit with her, practice, sweat it out – but hell – swimming is it. Her school vacations are also bad news. They have a June July vacation that matches with eth English Summer. So she misses out on all the summer camps that get organized. So practically she wastes her summer as well.

So I want her to sleep more. But since she is swimming and she made that choice – I have no option as well. Sorry kid but you have to wake up. If you are tired, skip the evening practice. Do the difficult thing but then you can go easy on the easy bit. That is what an athlete is. Without pain you can’t really go the distance. And I have to be the harbinger of that pain in the morning. I have to ensure you get it but I will also ensure you get a massage form me at the end of the day. I am sorry, but you forced me to do this.

So that’s the cross we have to bear. There are no shortcuts. These sacrifices you make build you. You wonder to what end goal or point. That is not given to you for now. I wonder if what we do is good. We started swimming only to get you to learn to swim, but we ended up being the fish. Today jasmine started swimming regularly, I am swimming; the whole family is getting fitter as a result, but…. I still wonder. After ten years – don’t blame me, I was just doing what I thought was best.

laughter bring you together

That was just something Jispa and I share. We love the minions and their idioticity.  I did not go to watch the Despicable Me part 2 as I think it was in 3D. I am not a great fan or 3D and typically it cause me to get a headache. Jispa loved it and saw it and wanted me to see it. I got the chance to see it on a flight to Shanghai. I remember seeing it and laughing to myself. I was trying not to look silly like I see the others do it. You get these guys who watch some funnies on the flight and laugh out loudly. It funny to see individuals break up into laughter on their own with the headphones on. I guess its ok when the gang is laughing with you and everyone finds it funny. But laughing all to your own is something extremely odd. Some guys laugh more than others. Like this time when kingfisher started showing videos of the Laughter challenge with comedians all vying for a few guffaws. I never found them all that funny, but it was ok. You would always find one or two characters who would laugh uncontrollably. And finally when I saw Despicable me 2, I was controlling not to laugh out loud like them. The minions are extremely funny.

Jispa laughs uncontrollably at times. She can go on and on like I would have when I was her age. I found it extremely difficult to control laughter till I was I think around 22 or 23. I would laugh hysterically till my stomach hurt like hell and that would also barely help in bringing sanity back. I remember trying my best to stop laughing in serious situations. NCC drills were a few instances where I would have to control and end up not laughing. Somebody does something funny and your drill commander would insist on maintaining decorum and I would be the one not able to control and would be singled out for some more punishment to stop my laughter. Oh dam it.

Now life is slightly more in control but it’s still amazing to see something with Jispa. Her giggling and laughing is great fun. We get together and can laugh all the way and Jasmine will not understand what’s so funny. She will look at us and we will start laughing all over again. Jasmine wont find amusing at all. In fact we have a term for it “Mom is not amused” or she has this “I am not amused” expression. Just saying this to each other will make us laugh all over again.

It should be fun when Jispa grows a little bit older. Then we could be watching some movies together. That would be fun. Movies like Delhi belly and others would be funnier with her. In a few years movies like Angoor or some others like the sort may be equally funny to both of us, or the Mahabharata scene from jaane bhi do yaaron. Currently we are stuck at Khichadi – the movie. Ya ya. I see you judging us :)

Laughter is a great way to bond and none better than going together and enjoying a few jokes. Jasmine laughs much lesser but she does find a few things really funny. It was my specialty that I could make Jasmine laugh at will when I was in college. Slowly she seems to have been immune to my antics. She possibly finds it more boring now. Bah! I was telling Jispa about it and then telling her that now she finds me funny and all, but wait till she gets older. She will find me irritating or simple “not funny”. I have to keep inventing so many things to have fun with her. I am scared that I will run out of stuff by the time she grows up. Opps. That will be one tough time.

jalebi

Lactose intolerant.

You see a multiple level of disclaimers on chocolates and other snacks. Peanut allergy, gluten free, lactose free – whatever. I always wondered. These seemed to my mind a fad for rich countries. The Americans were in any case pretty crazy with all kind of weird alien diseases and mental allergies. Come on man, what kind of shit is peanut allergy. It’s an allergy that was designed for the villain in a Hollywood movie to have – so that he accidentally swallowed one peanut and his face instantly erupted. Normal people don’t have these allergies and why would you be so bothered about a factory that manufactured these products, as long as your food doesn’t have it.

I had a tummy issue for the last three years. My tummy would just bloat up and I would take my medicines and it would come back in place. So much so that I had two sets of pants – 2-3 inches apart. I was confident that my ayurvedic doctor would solve it. But for some reason, things would move forward and then relapse. It was pretty painful. Not painful in a physical sense but more bloody mental. Gas is a bloody irritating thing. And especially when you are active and keep playing a lot and then you look at your tummy and feel like a piece of shit. Of all things – I don’t especially work towards an Adonis body. I don’t like the big muscle look. For me it was always the lean sportsman that I admired. Lean, fast and light. And then I look at my tummy and wonder. I actually thought I was fat around the tummy.

Then it got really bad. Whenever the medicine effect lapsed, any physical activity would have triggered a massive debilitating headache that made me go completely numb. It was so irritating that I would not be able to remain patient with anything. It took a lot of effort to not get angry and irritated at any one even madly irritating. That was the final straw and I was then referred to a gastro specialist. I was convinced that I had germs in my tummy. Because I could eat and eat and all I wanted to do was eat to neutralize the acid build up in the tummy.

When I went to the doc, I was prepared for an endoscopy to figure what’s inside. She patiently heard me and then she asked me if I wanted an endoscopy done. I shrugged. A few more questions later she said – before you do the procedure – do one thing. Go off lactose for ten days and see. She thought I could be simply lactose intolerant. I was ready to give it a shot. Who knows?

The effect – in just 10 hours – all gone. Wow. This was a magic pill. I have been lactose free since the last month or so and then it’s been all great. Play as much as you want, no migraine. Yes the dreaded M word. I refused to call it migraine. But that’s what she called it and poof – it’s gone. I used to try to cure it with acidity pills. So there – I had this Lactose intolerance.

This is such a difficult diet for India. We don’t understand Vegan. We can’t understand how to remove lactose from our food. No lactose means no milk, no butter, no ghee, no cheese, no curd and no buttermilk – nothing. No cheesy pasta, no Indian sweets, no chocolates, no pizza, no dal makhani, no paneer food, no butter on bread, no biscuits, no cake, no ice cream  – it eliminates almost anything that is unhealthy, fattening and sinful.  I am going crazy while travelling and eating outside. You can’t tell the waiter about serving Vegan food. He doesn’t understand it at all. So you have to explain no milk, no cream, no ghee no butter. He looks at you and is confused. He is normally accustomed to no oil. A few of them are dumb struck and a few of them are far more cooperative. They rush in and ask the chef and come back with clear information.  I drive them up the wall and they drive me up the wall. Why is it so difficult for Indians to understand dietary requirements? Oh dam you. I think the only thing we have learnt thanks to our obscenely high heart attack rate is – No OIL. Everything else remains a mystery with them.

But hell, As of now – I am enjoying it. It’s a great way to get healthy. Get allergic from the bad stuff. I can actually go to various parts of the country and come back fit. I can’t have almost anything. The saving grace is that Samosas and other fried stuff seem largely ok. But more than me it’s my co travelers and those around me that feel amazing sympathy for me. They feel bad. They wonder what they should eat. Oh go on. I don’t care. The fun ones try and make me jealous. Oh go on, I don’t care.

Food was never one of my big desires. I never did really be tempted by the palette. I am happy eating simple stuff. Do I really miss anything for now? For now, none. I am happy. It’s a big change for my eating habits but no real change for me. Of course from now on every place we go out to eat with someone I will first have a 10 minute conversation explaining my intolerance and then looking at their faces wondering – how the hell will I survive. Then simple eating will start. It will be a fun ride.

And the invariable question – how long? Well this is supposed to be on for every. Let’s see. Forever on – I will live without eating even one chocolate or a cake or a jalebi? Sounds like fun.

On the topic – see this ad – it’s a classic – Dhaara.

square peg square hole

H“This is a very good report. But if you were in the seventh standard you would have got the highest and the topmost A star. But since you are in the fifth I am giving you only an A”
A couple of months ago Jasmine told me that there is a school project designed for me. It was on research and to get eth sphere of influence of the school on the students in class. Jispa had to take administer a survey on the students and present the findings. If anything I know research. So I sat with Jispa and figured a lot of things. I think I have blogged about this in the past.  So I sat with her and we listed down questions to which we could get answers that we could analyze. Post which we sat and made a tally sheet to collate the answers and then we made the graphs. We did graphs that made sense and we let Jispa make them. These were stacked bar graphs and other graphs. We did maps with circles of various radiuses. We let Jispa do a lot of the thinking with our help. Jispa understood a whole lot. The end result was a nice presentation with findings. I sat and beautified it with her. It was a complete team effort.
After all that, I saw the presentation returned yesterday with an ‘A’. Oh dam it. “This is a very good report. But if you were in the seventh standard you would have got the highest and the topmost ‘A’ star. But since you are in the fifth I am giving you only an A”. Now that’s not done. Sure parents helped a lot in making the presentation and report but please ask Jispa on her understanding of the report. You can’t just say – that’s too advanced. This is exactly the problem with the schooling today. You brow beat them into conformity to this extent. All outliers are just beaten out and you are rewarded for being the middle of the standard normal curve. I thought home work is meant to explore and understand with the help of parents. The question was – did Jispa understand what she did or did the parents do the project for her. We insisted that Jispa do a  majority of work. I took pains to let Jispa take the lead in designing questions. I taught her to think and dream of situations. To think through on the graphs while I suggested different graph styles. We did the graphs together by hand.
So no – the idea is simple. You have to have a standard assembly line for the workforce. People who get rewarded for being within the assembly set up. People who can see the square hole and mold themselves to it. I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said ‘progress depends upon the unreasonable man’. It’s the same thing when Jispa comes home to complain “the teachers tell us at the start to ask questions and when we do during the year, they tell us to shut up”.
WE have too much rigidity and structure in the school. A syllabus to finish, an exam to administer and a result to declare. Who has the time and the inclination for outliers? The dam exam gives us enough stress and now if we push the boundaries of the project – that’s going to give us stress as well. Today morning I was taking up history for Jispa and I realized that she did not understand History the way it must be understood. Why was civil disobedience organized thus – why not any other way. How was the INC formed? The answers are all there in the text book but the connection and the logic between the turn of historical events is sadly missing from the pie.
Jasmine and I realize that now we have to be a greater part of Jispa’s education. From two aspects – one from a daily schedule perspective. Regular studies and taking up will ensure no last moment stress for her. That would a lot of work from my side as well. The second aspect – I will need to see the questions and answers and explain to her the answers so that she need not mug up but answer from a deeper understanding of the situation. That is pretty clear. Yesterday Jasmine and I were talking about this and we knew that our honey moon is over. The fun is over and the studies have started in earnest in school. Now it’s good bye to a lot of fun and games and a huge hello to focused studies. All this becomes critical if we have to maintain her swimming schedule and her studies. Both cannot suffer. They need to work regularly to coexist. Else one will cannibalize the other.
Dam it. Look at the unintended consequences of a simple membership that I convinced Jasmine to pick up. I also convinced Jasmine that we should put her in swimming so that she learns to swim. I have never imagined a competitive environment for her swimming. That was supposed to be a fun thing to do with dad on Sundays. Bah! The law of unintended consequences.