explore

This is a ridiculously funny prank to be played on people. Imagine the frustration when you are stuck in a foreign land and you have to go to your room and the elevator starts talking to you and send you to another place altogether. Arggghhh. It’s so bloody irritating.

The last time I was abroad was I went to Sanghai. Luckily I wasn’t diagnosed as lactose intolerant before I went there or else I would have had the worst time of my life. If vegetarian isn’t enough in China being lactose intolerant would have completely killed me.

This was a guided tour along with a conference. We had a day of sightseeing. I normally hate that sightseeing and the whole shepherding in a bus but I also see no option for the organisers. So it’s best to carry on. But I hate the part where the take you to a tourist shopping destination designed to scam the tourist by showing them an “original “ place to buy something exotic. Something like a jade workshop or in this instance a pearl palace. I hate it. I always fight and wonder what the hell is going on. But most others seem to be happy to go and buy some ridiculous junk for their wives or girlfriends. So while the crowd went in, a few happy friends and I went out for a walk in the cold city. We kept roaming pretty aimlessly. I am always a sucker for new culture and new stuff but in china its always difficult to do anything new. We saw a juice bar and went there. There was almost nothing I could make out. So I just pointed out to something interesting that was being made for another customer. Now I don’t remember how I figured it was vegetarian but I finally had it – and it was warm lemon juice with one more interesting additive like a litchi or something. Wow. That was cool. I never knew warm sherbet was this fun.

Travelling anywhere is always a great thing. You have to go outside the confines of your city or routine and visit new places, do new things and learn more. You have to have plenty of exposure to stuff around you. Exposure is the key. You go out, you meet new people, you experience new things. That is life. There is post that’s gone viral on why travelling or having a gap year and seeing the world is a great thing and they give some 17 odd reasons. Hah! Sure. Travel is something jasmine and I discovered is critical for ourselves. At first we would wonder where to go and how to go and what to see. We would wonder and think about the places to go. We would ask someone for helping us make an itinery and places to stay etc. Till once we had to go on our own once. I think the first big one was directly Singapore. I had been there on an official tour and then had vowed to take the family there.

The stress was pretty high. I searched and researched and did a lot of stuff online. I was under severe stress on what to do and where all to go. Plus we had Jasmine’s mom and dad coming along with us. but that was a fun trip and then the next time we planned a vacation to Rajasthan using guide books /internet and some references. Post which we did kumaon and now we were truly hooked on. Searching online for stuff, searching guidebooks and internet for places to go to and places to see and search for undiscovered places or hang out popular tourist spots. We were truly independent. The journey was as interesting or I dare say as important as the destination.

The bug had truly bit us. Then like seasoned travelers we went with a little less research all the time. As in you know what you are going to do and the places you are going to see but you aren’t completely prepared. You are ready to take it on one day at a time. You see and wonder and take calls and think a bit while you are there. You miss a few you spend time at a few. From a fairly fixed route plan you allow for chaos and spontaneity. Then it gets all the more interesting.

Who needs 17 or 18 excuses to travel. You need only one EXPLORE and if that doesn’t excite you – nothing will.

the wall

Jispa had her swimming events this weekend. These are almost the finals of the year. They work hard through the year to go to this event. They compete to get in the top six of their events. Jispa’s age group is allowed to choose a max of four events in which they compete. The top six of the event gets to compete in the state meet which is being held at Nashik this year. Jispa is good enough to be selected for the state but she wouldn’t make it beyond that. Being a part of the Mumbai team is in itself an honour and hence this becomes the big event for the year.

Jispa has had a mixed year this time. She had a shoulder injury which threw her training schedule out of gear in December. Post her rehab her coach rejigged her schedule but she did miss out on a couple of seconds which she never did make up. Swimming is a complex sport in that way. You keep pushing and trying and improving strength and technique slowly slowly. You work and shave off your seconds. The events in which you compete also slowly change over the years, unless you are a born breaststroker and you simply go faster than anyone else in that one crazy stroke.

I have always wondered why there are so many events in the swimming championships. Its like having running races, but first you have the normal race, then having a race in which you run backwards, then having a race in which you can only hop, then a race where you can run only with your arms  going up and down like a bird… WTF – why do you need all these styles in swimming, when eth fastest is the free style – period. But hell. Breast stroke is a funny stroke, it takes the leats amount of power to stay afloat but here is where you get naturals and try harders. Some kids just naturally excel in this stroke and they effortlessly just go zoom. Jispa was a dead duck in this stroke. It was her worst stroke. She would excel in the butterfly but go very slow here. She even won a few back stroke medals. In fact at the start we thought she would be winning back stroke medals only. In the individual medley where you have to get all the strokes in the breast stroke we would wonder if had a parachute holding her back when it came to the breaststroke length. But this year dramatically things changed for her in the last one month. Her back stroke deteriorated and her breasts stroke improved. So much so that she flipped her events at the last minute. That was weird.

Coaching is such a technical thing. So many small small minute changes you need to do in your technique and your daily routine so that you keep improving. We are happy that Jispa got a sport that she takes so seriously. But it’s getting increasingly difficult to manage both, but we figure that later. So soming back – its nice to get a sport to push yourself in. But the thing is that he coach is a dork. I mean that he is a sweet simple well meaning guy who doesn’t push his kids too much but he also doesn’t know how to mentally push them. Jispa took part in the 200 m freestyle event and I was wondering what she is doing. She would go slow and fast and I thought she paced herself badly. That was the only event she didn’t qualify in. I spoke to her afterwards. What was she doing. She said she was conserving. Conserving in a 200 m race. These kids swim for 4kms at a  stretch. 200 is still a sprint. You push hard. The I spoke to her.

“You know Jispa what a wall is? You keep swimming faster and faster till you reach a wall. Then to break that wall you need to go really fast and put all your efforts. Now that is a 50 m sprint. You break the wall. If at all you want to conserve in a race like 200 – you keep swimming harder and harder till you reach the wall. You were nowhere near the wall, you were slower than your wall. This was you conserved more than what you needed to. You have to be near the wall at all times. You may choose not to break it before the last 50 but then not being near it is a crime.” Jispa nodded. She admitted that the wall was a little distance away. Then I told her in the IM – stay near the wall. Push yourself to be near wall at all times. Stay there, never the wall be too far from you. After the event she admitted that it was probably a good advice to get.

The wall – I think in all my sports I have always faced the wall.  It is the natural barrier that an athlete has towards his or her performance. He battles the wall every time. Most sports are you versus the wall. How close do you keep yourself to the wall and how much are you ready to risk to break it down. These walls move ahead thanks to practice and hard work and technique. But they will always be there – finally it is the mental edge in that lets you see the wall and break it down / or even simply follow it. In all that we do we must see the wall. The wall is it.

 Now isn’t the coach supposed to give this advice. But the coach is a happy middle class dork. This is something he will never understand. Understanding the psychology of your kids and seeing who can take what kind of advice is something alien to him. Understanding management techniques and having the ability to push the boundaries of his wards is what the coach is about. I guess I will have to be more involved in these things. I stay out of it. I don’t want too much clutter in her brain. I am not so ambitious, but now if she wants to swim on she is going make a lot of sacrifices. Then she needs to go beyond. She needs a mental edge and an ability to push herself. She needs to think clearly. The dork will not be enough. Chalo… more shit that I need to do.

Now listen to this unrelated song.

la la LLI

Many years ago I started teaching, I think it was in 2002 as Jispa was born around the time I had my first teaching assignment. That time it was a fun and unique experience. It’s remained as much fun since then. But at the time I did something weird. At the end of the class I sat with each student and spoke to them – one on one. And I explained to them what they were facing in life and what they needed to do to break out… or something like that. That was a crazy thing. That was the first time I realized that I could start talking about people’s life at will. One kid was amazed because what I told her was exactly what her mother used to tell her all the time. I hardly would have taken 7-8 sessions with them but yet I knew quite a lot.

I thought that was a cool party trick where I could at will talk about people’s life and amaze them with how much I can figure. We are probably not as transparent as it may seem. In office as I grow up I normally have to counsel kids and get them to improve and they are amazed with how much I can tell. People have asked me over the years, how is it that I know so much. How can I tell? Some find it creepy and some find it crazy. For me it was a simple logical deduction. I released that I notice much more than the average Joe on a lot of things. I don’t notice this consciously. It’s more on a sub conscious level. It is there in my mind, forming patterns and images. So much is stored and then pulled out at will to create a pattern. Sometimes in office, I catch someone and randomly ask – so what’s bothering you. Didn’t sleep well? Or like the HR chick the other day – I asked her randomly – why did you not pursue your medical studies? She was wondering how I knew she wanted to be a doctor.

These things look creepy to the one on the outside but are completely logical and probabilistic to one on the inside. It’s one connection to another. It’s just that I notice a lot. Then soon I realized that this is a crazy thing to have. Some people will try and suck as much out of you, like a monkey doing tricks and some will get scared. And I also realized that this is only probabilistic. It is not a determinate science. I only build on what I know and what people agree to show me. I can go wrong and horribly so if people mislead me. And that at the end of it, it’s better for my brains to simply stop thinking.

These deductions are crazy and it’s not that I can spot someone gaming me every time, so it’s not something I have amazing gift that I can see through people. It’s only that I can somewhere try and understand your motivations and character and a bit of what defined your life coming till here, there is future I can see. At best I can only help you make a few choices by pointing the right questions…. But again nothing what you don’t know yourself.

I believed that happened because I was good at understanding probabilities and patterns. I live very happy with probabilities. I don’t necessarily need perfectly determined outcomes and plans. Add to that the fact that I have a crazy curious mind. I love to keep poking around and keep asking questions. An almost insatiable appetite for knowing why.

There was another trait which I did not think was related but I realize now is – ADD. Attention deficit disorder. In meetings and in conversations in office I quickly understand what the point the guy is trying to make and I lose the plot. I zone out. I understood the issue and want to move on. This is seen as arrogance. The other guy so many times tries to convince me that he has more to say, but I say yes or no – and say – great got it. This puts people off completely.

Another bad side of this – I just can’t understand how you don’t get it. It’s simple – it’s there on the board to see for all. It’s like staring me in the face, I keep saying – what you guys did not get it yet? This is the pattern / this is the trick / this is the answer / this is how it’s done.

All of this is interconnected and I did not know till I watched a few episodes of prison break. They talk about a condition called LOW LATENT INHIBITION (LLI). While I am nowhere near the crazy genius they show, I did try and research the term. And while I was researching I kept reading about stuff that I thought is exactly what I go through in life.

Latent Inhibition allows you to go through with life without getting insane. You block out repeated stimuli. You don’t notice everything about everything again and again. But with LLI – every time you notice everything about everything and that helps you understand if there has been a small change in stuff around you and you can draw conclusion from it.

“With low latent inhibition, an individual almost treats familiar stimuli in the same manner as they would new stimuli. Think of the details you notice when you see something new for the first time and how it grabs your attention. From those details all kinds of questions may arise in your mind. “What is that, what does it do, why is it there, what does it mean, how can it be utilized” and so on. The more of those questions you are able to figure out or answer, the better your understanding of that stimulus. The better your understanding of that stimulus, the more logical connections you are able to make between that stimulus and others around it. With the use of human memory you are then able to remember which questions you’ve already answered in relation to a particular stimulus, and those answers may then result in more questions. Low latent inhibition will usually result in extremely accurate instincts due to the sheer level of thought, processing and logical connection that has been made previously when faced with a stimulus or multiple stimuli.

So in terms of what we might see, somebody you know who’s generally always worn glasses might approach you having bought a new pair of glasses that look almost exactly the same but for a slightly different logo on the side. You usually wouldn’t notice the change of logo because your brain has almost dismissed the minor details that go with the pair of glasses they wear as ‘unimportant’. It’s your brains way of ensuring that it doesn’t need to constantly process new stimuli that probably won’t have any significance or importance to it. Yes they might wear glasses, but so what? In this example we simply see the glasses then move on.

An example of how somebody with low latent inhibition may see the same scenario could be that they almost instantly notice the smallest changes that seeing the new pair of glasses presents to them via the observation of stimuli, which may then lead to connections being made that people with normal latent inhibition might not make. For example from seeing the new logo, somebody with a low latent inhibition might deduce that their friend had been shopping since the last time they saw them, if they had been shopping they might have also recently received their monthly salary which meant they were able to buy the glasses. Did the friend have some insecurity with the last pair of glasses? If the person with low latent inhibition also knows the surrounding area well (and knows where the stores are that sell new glasses), and they know when the last time they saw their friend wearing his old glasses was (2 days ago), they might be able to work out the exact locations their friend will have been to, and depending upon which food their friend likes, where their friend might have eaten, and depending upon what their friends interests are, which other stores they might have been to after having been paid and what kind of things they might have bought…all from a small change of logo on a pair of glasses.”

You can read more here  - http://www.lowlatentinhibition.org/what-is-lli/

So it very aptly explains what I go through in life. It’s funny.

Here is another accurate description of what goes on in my mind

“You notice more, hear more, smell more and feel more through tactile contact. Without any conscious effort, your mind is in possession of a broader intake of information.

Upon encountering any form of stimulus (that interests you), your mind automatically dismantles and explores its components.

You usually see through the lies and the deceptions that people use in everyday life.

When learning, you can often make instantaneous changes.

Self-correction is easy because the underlying principle is more evident. Clearer.

You make connections and associations between seemingly unrelated material.

Comprehension is typically easy. You notice the non-verbal background information and this often provides a more comprehensive picture than what is being spoken.

There are exponential leaps of insight taking place all the time, with the background reasoning intact. Wave-upon-wave of permutations, options, variables and choices.

Creativity is a given. You see alternatives.

You notice things that other people miss.

There is no talking voice in your head. No 'chattering monkey'. The volume and complexity of the information drowns out conscious thought entirely.

Verbalising what takes place in your mind is impossible. Words render only a fraction of the entirety.

You see the world more thoroughly.

Listening to other people talking/thinking aloud can be infuriating. They are at point A when you have reached point N already.

Learning is not limited to defined periods of academic study. The assimilation of information is constant, ongoing and never static. There are no lulls or pauses. Everything offers a lesson.

Within the maelstrom of information there exists a place of calm and quietude. The eye of the storm. No verbalisation exists. No internal narrative. Just presence. No sense of self to intrude of interrupt.

Cons-

Education is awkward. Schools are not set-up to cater with this disorder. The way in which things are approached by schools seems piecemeal and incomplete.

It is difficult to write/type/speak quickly enough to articulate ideas and the breadth of the permutations involved.

Tact is necessary. People lie constantly.

LLI makes driving a car difficult. Your brain notices countless dangers and variables, and you become overwhelmed and nervous.

Hypervigilance can lead to anxiety.

Illusions are not very effective. You see through things without wanting to. Conventions and traditions have no significance.

You do not value what other people value.

Filtering out the variables and honing your options to something workable can be very difficult. Every solution potentially harbours new problems, new variables and new concerns.

People may find you to be a little odd, unorthodox or a little intense.

You have a habit of saying things that do not fit the accepted norm of behaviour. You often choose to disregard conventions because they serve no constructive purpose.

Background noise is a major problem. Noisy neighbours can cause serious stress.

Noticing things does not mean that you understand them. If anything, the abundance of what might be known lessens the desire to accumulate widespread knowledge.”

It seems that if you have LLI and a low IQ you are likely go crazy. But a higher IQ leads to creativity. And I think that’s the reason I am seen as far more creative than the average Joe.

Reading this has made me far happier about myself. In the middle I was wondering what is it that I have. Why do I see patterns that others don’t, what the hell is going on? Am I crazy or is the world DUH? It is very frustrating. Now I see it as a simple mental construct that is different from another.

And also I am happy with what my initial response was – just don’t think so much about what you are thinking. Thoughts will keep coming, just chill out and don’t give them too much importance. So more than anything else – this has helped me in some way deal with the frustration around me. Hopefully it will make me calmer and less irritable. Less moody. Less volatile. Tough shit.

its fun to have a little bit of issue in your life

A couple of weeks back when I entered the building, the lights had gone out. But the generator was working and hence the lifts were working. I got in and I saw that a foreigner was also in the life with me. On my floor, of the four flats, two were self-occupied and the other two were on rent. Jasmine and I are hardly there at home most of the time to even socialize with too many people in building. But we had noticed that one of the flats had a foreigner staying. We greeted each other in the lift and she asked if the lights were out. I said ya, but I guess they will be back. She was wondering if this was a regular affair and if these cuts last long. I explained that these are rare and are normally resolved fast. We kept on talking and then on our floor, I spoke to Jasmine and Jasmine lent her a candle and a match box to keep handy. We then called her over for dinner and …. We were friends.

We have been hanging out whenever she and us are free. We have been exchanging notes, cultures and various points of information. I have been explaining our history and she has been explaining hers. We chat and exchange recipes. That’s what Jasmine and I believe in completely. The more you meet people from other cultures, you share information and you share values, you only get richer. You must have an endless curiosity and if you are lucky you get response from that end as well. Andy is perfect in that sense. She is patient and loves to answer and ask questions. We learnt so much about her life in France and London. Jispa gets exposed to so much more than only Indian culture. Yesterday thanks to her I relived my marriage, my college and a lot of my childhood. Thanks to that Jispa relived it as well. There is so much inside of us that sometimes is lost or left inside just for the want of the right question.

I have never understood why we opposed marriages and unions across caste and language lines. We always were believed that the same will lead to a dilution of our own values and beliefs that we hold so close to our heart. I just don’t understand that. Jasmine is a kutchi. That is as close to a gujju like as can be while being different. Still I love the fact that she is different. Her traditions and customs are different and I try to understand her traditional food and how it is different from ours. My sense is that since they come from a harsher climate than mine they tend be different in a sparse sense as compared to the gujju food.

Of course while you are looking at the food, it is important to make the distinction between food that is traditional and food that is thanks to living in the city. One thing I have always maintained is that we are losing texture in the food we eat. Everything is down to the lowest possibly squichy food. We make everything soft and easy to swallow. Possibly a  fast urban lifestyle does not give us enough time to chew, possibly because when we are eating e are generally talking to other people and that gives us limited time to chew or possibly we just gotten lazy. But food is losing all granularity and texture. Look at the most popular foods we have – idli, dosa, pasta, margehita pizza, pav bhaji, burger, panner and roomali roti. Nothing is worth chewing it must be soft and smashed. Yesterday Andy made us dinner. She was wondering what to give us as I have a unique constraint – I am vegan. The vegetarian is the easy bit but not having cheese or butter is the crazy bit. I have been doing a fair amount of thinking on this. Lactose intolerant is a human trait and so how is it that we survived with this gene if we ate so much lactose. My theory is that lactose in our diets came about only recently. If you look at the recipes that grand mom made; the regular everyday recipes, not the special day recipes; they would largely be lactose free. So when Andy was thinking I told her to think of stuff that her grand mom made for her on an everyday basis. She did realize that cheese, which is an integral part of French cuisine today was not so much in her grandmom’s cuisine. And she made the most basic of deserts for us. The desert was la tarte aux pommes. – apple tart. No need of cheese, milk or butter. That was the boring everyday tart that they grew up on.

She made us some spaghetti with pesto sauce. Her sauce was crunchy, which was a far cry from the creamy one we eat at the restaurants in Mumbai. And then I asked her about the spaghetti – it was less soft than the ones we had. We would simply boil it till they are soft like a jelly. She says she learnt it form her mom and Italian friends. In fact it would be harder. There – the fast food nation had adopted and way to add cheese/ butter and make the food soft.

This lactose intolerance is a boon in some ways. I now look at food in a way I have never ever seen it. I have to watch everything I eat and that has led me to new thinking. I was never that interested in food or its origins or its history. Now I am trying to consume (no pun intended) as much as I can about it. Food interesting tells us as much about human behavior as anything else.

Just some excerpts from stuff I saw online – don’t believe anything completely but – here is something I found that kind of works with my claim that dairy is a modern day intervention that is not necessarily good for you.

“When it comes to dairy and the Paleo diet, some debates pop-up and dairy definitely is in a grey zone.In the strict Paleo sense, dairy of any form was not consumed in the paleolithic era, other than human milk in infancy of course. It just wasn’t very practical to milk wild game. The mere fact that something wasn’t  consumed during the paleolithic era doesn’t make it bad, but experience as shown us that it’s unfortunatly often the case. Dairy is no exception.”

http://paleoleap.com/place-of-dairy-on-paleo-diet/

but also do bear in mind –

The Paleolithic diet is a modern nutritional plan based on the presumed diet of Paleolithic humans. It is based on several controversial premises, the most important of which are: first, that human genetics have scarcely changed since the dawn of agriculture, which marked the end of the Paleolithic era, around 15,000 years ago; second, that modern humans are adapted to the diet or diets of the Paleolithic period; and third, that it is possible for modern science to discern what such diets consisted of.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleolithic_diet

and I have maintained that we now have more of buffalo and cow milk but I do remember stories of Goat milk being had by families. That’s why even vegetarians had goats in their houses. Read this –

There are other alternatives: take goat's milk, for example. Patients with diarrhea, asthma, bloating and irritability may be suffering from the most common food allergy: cow's milk. Goat's milk is a natural alternative to cow milk and can comfortably be consumed by many patients who suffer from cow milk allergies or sensitivity.

Although goat milk, like cow's milk and human milk, contains lactose, many people with lactose intolerance can drink goat milk. Why? It has been hypothesized that the reason lies in goat milk's superior digestibility. Goat milk is more completely and easily absorbed than cow's milk, leaving less undigested residue behind in the colon to quite literally ferment and cause the uncomfortable symptoms of lactose intolerance.

It may also be that the patient is not lactose intolerant at all, but instead is one of the 1-in-10 people who are allergic to the major protein of cow's milk ... alpha S1 casein protein. The symptoms are almost identical to those of lactose intolerance. Both goat milk and human milk lack this offending protein.

The digestibility of goat milk can be attributed to its casein curd, which is both softer and smaller than that produced by bovine milk. The smaller and softer the curd, the more easily accepted by the human digestive system.

http://www.dynamicchiropractic.com/mpacms/dc/article.php?id=38646

Of course – there is no absolute truth in anything. There are only theories and counter theories. But it’s nice to know a little more about something I previously never did bother too much about. Fun its is. So yes – problems in life are also fun. It’s what you make out of it :)

And yes – some more fun on cheese… this is from the book – Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us.  The following is an extract from a book summary I read online.

Our story begins in the 1930’s when the United States government first began subsidizing the country’s dairy industry (loc. 3049). This it did because the government felt that the dairy industry was “vital to the nation’s health” (loc. 3049). The specifics of this subsidization program were that the government would set price supports on dairy products, and also buy up any excess dairy products that the producers were unable to sell on the market (loc. 3051). As Moss explains, “the dairies didn’t have to bother with the normal commercial concerns in selling food. They didn’t have to mess… with any of the marketing tactics deployed by food manufacturers to boost consumption. The government simply bought as much as the dairies could make” (loc. 3053).

Now, in the 1950’s, milk was beginning to be seen as a fatty product (loc. 3032). And with this realization, milk sales began to suffer (loc. 3036). What’s more, those who did continue to buy milk were increasingly switching to the low fat varieties (2%, 1%, and even skim) (loc. 3033). The stripping of milk-fat from whole milk was leaving the milk producers with a whole lot of excess milkfat. This wasn’t such a big problem for the milk producers, though, because they were able to use the excess milkfat to make cheese, which was also protected under the government subsidy (loc. 3053-59).

This was a problem for the government, though, because they suddenly found themselves buying up more cheese than they knew what to do with. As Moss explains, “these government purchases hummed along rather quietly until 1981… By that point, there were so many operators sending so much excess milk and milkfat to cheese makers that the government was buying more cheese than it could ever give away. This cheese, along with surplus butter and dried milk, accumulated into a stack that weighed 1.9 billion pounds, and it cost taxpayers $4 billion a year… The storage fees alone were running upwards of $1 million a day. It grew so large, in fact, that the government began secreting it away in caverns and a vast, abandoned limestone mine near Kansas City” (loc. 3064).

The End of the Dairy Subsidies, and the Beginning of the Dairy Marketing Campaign

The mountain of milkfat continued to grow until the early 1980’s, which is when Ronald Regan came to power. Regan, of course, was not such a fan of government subsidies, and so the program was axed (loc. 3077). Nevertheless, the Regan administration was concerned about how this move would affect the dairy producers. So, in lieu of continuing subsidies, the government set up a program to help sell all the excess cheese. Specifically, the government required all dairy producers to chip in a certain amount to a new fund that would be used to market and advertise cheese to Americans (loc. 3086). As Moss explains, “under [the] plan, the government allowed a special assessment to be levied on every milk producer in the country, with the money to be spent on marketing schemes that were aimed at making milk and cheese more alluring” (loc. 3085).

And guess what? It worked! Not only did Americans start buying more cheese, they also warmed to products that featured cheese among their ingredients (loc. 3139-66). And as they did, their consumption of cheese went up and up. As the author notes, “where Americans, on average, were eating 11 pounds of cheese a year in 1970, they were up to 18 pounds in 1980, 25 pounds by 1990, 30 pounds in 2000, and 33 pounds by 2007, when the rates dipped in the recession before resuming their surge” (loc. 3186).

tight rope

Just. It’s nice, listen to it. Just for listening sake.

After 38 years of working and having big head opinions I have learnt only one thing  - the duality of truth – or rather the multiplicity of truth. There is no absolute truth and there is no absolute opinion. Everything changes, what you like today, what you believe in firmly today, what you think about others and what other think about you. Things change.

When I was growing up Bollywood music was at its bottom. We had Nadeem Shravan ruling the charts and the legendary RD Burman passed away giving his last hit in 1942 – a love story. Any one remember the hit of those times – Sajjan starring Salman and Sanjay Dutt. Wow. My teen and formative years in that sense were horrible. The only saving grace I can think of is that the greatest stars who still rule the movies today – viz the three khans were all launched at the time. My era gave Bollywood its superstars who ruled and are still ruling – more than 20 years on. That’s cool.

The other thing was that we wore baggies in college. Baggies were so in that we wore two sizes big and we put pleats in almost everything. We had pleats on our pants. We had many pleats on out pants… we had multiple pleats and then we had box pleats and reverse pleats… anything to make it fashionable and baggy. And now – I don’t have a pant with even one pleat. Not one. Wow. We used to look at these straight pants and tight pants and laugh at them saying – eeps – that’s so old. And now I wear slim fits and love them. It also helps that I am slimmer than most. So also alongside the slim fits came the slim body structures that made it all fashionable together. Suddenly my slim body structure is so much in fashion. I am lean and these lean t shirts make me look leaner and I dare say – fashionable. So the poor guys who sweat it at the gym building those crazy ripping bodies are suddenly out of fashion. Hah!

And suddenly right now I saw the coppersmith barbet outside my window. I love it when I see it on the peepal tree. I love the window of office and the fact that my desk faces the window. Dam cool.

Coming back – my own dress sense. Earlier I was a checks and khakhi person. Comfort pants and stuff, suddenly I am rediscovering the joy of wool. WOOL? Ya wool and its blends. Now my work hardly takes me outside. I am in an air conditioned environment and woolen pants work just fine. So now – I am into greys. The number greys I have in my wardrobe. I would never have worn so many greys but suddenly I have been gravitating towards them. It’s funny. I was always the colorful guy and suddenly I am all grey and “melancholy”. Seesh. I am old.

I used to shave everyday when I was in college – and now I shave once in two or three days. I would comb my hair and not I just run my fingers through it. I would polish my shoes and now I just step down once in a while. English songs were it and now I don’t know a single new English number. I have no clue what the new sound is in Hollywood.

Things change. The above were just illustrations of outward change – but they portend a change that is inside of you. Inside of me. I too have changed in beliefs and values. Someone told me that parenting is all about values. You try and give values and hope for the best. Well I am a little confused. Over the years I have changed so much thanks to so much changing stimuli around me that I have hardly found any of my values consistent and constant. There seems to be an undercurrent that is possibly the same but I can make out what that is. I am unable to articulate it. I would be fiercely nationalist and now I don’t care two hoots about it. Love had changed it form, structure and meaning to me. I see it differently. Love was to come home and not having to do the dishes – now love is coming home and doing the dishes. It’s changing it is moving and I have no clue how and why.

Exposures seem to be the key to formation of opinion and beliefs. But surprising to me is that no belief has remained permanent. So I don’t expect Jispa to hold on to any beliefs. My parents did teach me some value stuctures and beliefs but that is become so muddled with my experience and those I have built on top that I cant make out what is driving me at all.  Hence with Jispa I am treading with care. I don’t want to force any dogma down her throat. I can only teach a healthy cynicism for everything and a faith in everything. Its like a bit of opposites reconciling. Question everything and believe in everything at the same time. You have to keep your mind running and logic flowing but also keep your mind from running and try and be in the moment. It’s a tough one. To accept and to question at the same time. To accept and to believe will keep you alive today, the cynicism will keep you alive tomorrow. You know it’s a lot like the science fiction movies or the super hero movies. You have to accept that shit happens, that will help you enjoy the movies, but you also have to believe in the rest of it, the ideas and the limitations of what the hero can or cannot do. he may be able to jump from one building to another, but if her jumps in a way that you don’t believe then you don’t like it. So you can suspend belief only that much, and any more – you are in trouble. Being rooted versus flying – what a delicate tight rope act.

to give you another instance - while we were at the Delhi Museum, my colleague asked me - how would you know that these are the real relics of the Buddha. I answered - no you cant be really really sure. but the dates must have matches and the place they got it from had the tablets bearing the inscriptions and the story matches and hence we believe that the remains are that of the Buddha and we revere them in that manner, but no - you still never can be 100% sure. The guide was asked the same question ten seconds later by another tourist - she replied - its the Delhi museum - they wouldn't have put it here without doing some carbon dating. Hah! Unquestionable dogma versus reconciliation of opposites.

a little more

I have been really busy these days. There has been an amazing amount of travel. I have had another round of visiting cities and conducting research. Research is really exciting and a fun thing to do. it is something that I believe real marketing people must thrive in. You can’t really end up farting about stuff unless you have had the chance to meet your customers. I hold most firms including mine extremely guilty in this regard. Can you really find out ways and means to improve your services without meeting and understanding what the customer has to say about his needs and your firm?

I met another friend who is running his own start up. The biggest advice I gave him was to meet his customers. There are hundred things that need to get done at work. I am sure there is nothing (almost nothing) one does not know – on what to get done. But research at the least helps you prioritize what to do. It gives you amazing clarity on your role and what role the brand plays in the consumers mind. But still there is severe reluctance on almost anybody in so many organizations to actually do the research. We sit in our air conditioned glass offices and dream of what the consumer wants. We see bottom line and try and understand it, but we cease to see what really matters. That is what kills the company in the long run leaving it open to competitors to get a niche and exploit it.

If I had my way I would make it compulsory for all walks of employees to do atleast one day of research a year. One DAY? Yes atleast one day. It might be surprising to know that there is severe reluctance for any employee on an average to do any sort of research. Even the young marketing guys. I can’t understand this reluctance. I jump at every opportunity to go out and conduct research but the idiots in office don’t. They rather sit on their bums. I asked some young turks to go out and do some research but they dithered forever. Argh.

Lets get to the sales guys. The sales guys meet customers on a daily basis and believe that they are completely aware of the market situation and don’t require research. Of course they are aware but – there are riders to this. They only know what hits them and that too they are too busy selling to the customer to really listen. Customers just needs to be listened to and the same must be simply collated in an organized manner. In the sales system – from the bottom to the top – no one listens without an agenda. In fact I would argue – the best sales men who hit targets and sell a lot – they do so because they don’t have ears. They block out their mind to what is feedback so that they sell hard and fast. This noise distracts them. It is only the few TRULY GREAT sales people that have empathy and response that understands and genuinely wishes well for the customer. My sense is that this guy will typically lag in contests and sales on a monthly basis but builds a book over a long run that is impossible to beat. The difficult part is to survive the short run to thrive in the long run. The sales guys who I like the best and admire, all have this quality.

So coming back. I have been enjoying myself doing all this research. Also along with research , meeting people, I have been spending some time for myself in all these cities that I went. Been trying to see the local culture, a monument, a garden or perhaps the least of all – the local mall. Many years ago I had the privilege of travelling a lot. I wasted these journeys by being cloistered inside the hotel room. With the recession I released that had wasted that opportunity to see the city which I promised never to repeat. So now – with every city I try and do at least one thing that is enriching to me. Now I can talk more about a city, I can talk about a monument or a structure or even – a great place to eat, especially street food. It’s much more fun and rewarding.

Suddenly I feel even luckier to have a marketing job. Travelling and meeting people along with seeing stuff that would have traditionally been impossible. Small small things that add up in the long run. The museum in Delhi, or the street food in Ahmedabad, the obscure temple in Coimbature or the garden in central Bangalore. It all just adds up. That’s what I love doing. And that’s what keeps me alive as a marketerer.

There is one thing I want to do now. I want to pin a map of India on my desk and put a pin on every place that I have visited. I want to fill this with pins and cover every part of the country. Now that’s a good start.

across the spectrum

Sports a great thing. but understanding sports is an even greater experience. I have been lucky in that my dad was always encouraging us to play sports. We had a club membership in Dubai and when I was of age (and of wage) I invested in a membership that is paying me huge dividends. Now we have Jispa, who is bringing another angle to the sports discussion in the family.

While I have been playing sports for long, I first started understanding the mental aspects of sports only much recently. I guess it all started when I started playing in the team as a captain. I forced to think about the game and not only of my game. It made me aware of my game as well. It helped me think completely different about sport in general. Post which I have tried to understand and bring the brain into other sports as well. I have played cricket, squash, swam, run and a lot of badminton these days. The more I understand any sport the better is the understanding of sport in general. Over a period of time one understands different sports but is able to draw a set of lines going across all sports.

For example let’s take the head. The head position is so critical in sport. As a general rule, the head position must be as stable in sport. The head position maintains the balance and posture. It helps you see better and your hand eye work great. You don’t fall over while playing and you play with a firm balance. It also helps you recover better. I have seen this is batting, bowling, fielding, badminton, squash, billiards, TT… everything. Natural athletes typically don’t move their head too much. It’s only the eye that follows a moving object. Very little of head movement is done. Swimming is also similar. You keep your head stable as much as possible and you only turn enough to breathe. As little movement as possible. While I was being coached for swimming I realized that the head position is also critical for maintaining a position that keeps your body afloat. You don’t look ahead; you don’t look down – you look at an angle that is roughly 45 degrees ahead. This keeps you afloat.

Recently Jispa attended a swim camp organized by Rehan Poncha. Rehan was one of the Indian swimmers at the Beijing Olympics. He is now running camps and trying to fund his golfing career. He is very good with the kids and he basically is giving tips on land training, stretching, followed by swimming drills and then a talk on nutrition, mental preparation etc. one of the things he explained was to have loose muscles. Keep your body loose then they move faster. Hands if kept loose move faster than if they are tight. That’s an interesting thing. It works well with what my coach was trying to show me to do while swimming as well.

Now one of the things that I can’t do in badminton is smash hard. As in – I can but I don’t do it consistently enough and I only do it from far. If I am close to the net I try to rely on placements and not on power. But that’s not enough to kill a point. I am always worried that I will hit the net and so to avoid an unforced error I tap the shuttle. This then extends further and then I stop smashing altogether as I realized today. I just refused to smash. My partner then looked at me and begged – Smash kar yaar. I do have a decent smash when I pull it off. Then I just out of the blue decided to loosen my muscles and try. I remembered what Rehan said. Keep them loose. And then boom boom bang.  A flurry of smashes later my friend exclaimed – Your smash is back. We won five points in a row with my smashes. Just keep them loose and let it go.

Cross sport understanding is a great thing. You have to keep the basics simple. Its always the case. Placing is important in squash and the similar principals work in badminton. Head position is crucial, less movement, more balance.

Such is also in life. You learn from everywhere and anything. You have to understand and know a lot of stuff. This helps you think clearly and apply lessons learnt from one to another. Of course it obvious that to apply you have to exposed to a lot. That’s what I always try for. As many exposures as possible. I try and expose Jispa to various experiences and I try and expose myself as well. Anything new – worth doing once or twice. At worst – the worst experience will tell you what you don’t like about the experience. The principal is simple – if you have enough exposures you will have enough learnings. You must be curious at all points of times. We had a management meet recently with some psychometric tests thrown in. I went off the scale on the curiosity parameter – and the shrink was telling me that I have a practically insatiable appetite for learning. Yes of course. Insatiable. Constant and always on. I will try and learn every second and form anyone and from everything. It drives me crazy but it’s the only thing that keeps me sane. Hah. After a long time – opposites reconciling.

Why so serious?

Nah… if you see this I don’t like you to think of it as inspirational. Nopes. It doesn’t inspire me. It’s not that if you have cerebral palsy or any such thing you can still defeat the odds and come out trumps. That is something I take for granted. You can defeat all odds and come out trumps. The question is simply what sacrifices you want to make and how much will power you have.

The big thing in this I see is simply a little bit of me. This chic doesn’t need your sympathy or special treatment; she has accepted what wrong and moved on. She accepted what’s not there and moved on in life. It’s a freaking joke. Have fun. Now can you move on?

I have sick many numbers of times. I have been a sickly kid all my childhood. I would fall sick every year and most of the time more than three times a year. I was pretty frustrated. All my college life I was weighing around 58 kgs. I would look at weighing scale and hope it inches upwards. In variably there was a pattern – I move up to 60 and boom – I would fall sick. Back to eth dreaded 58. So when people tell me that today I look lean – I wonder – I am 73 kgs now. imagine me with 15 kgs less! Wow. That is LEAN. But I have always been sick so being sick is pretty cool with me. I moved on from being sick and grumpy to being sick and funny. I mean who the hell cares – its fun. I don’t want to be seen as a dumb grumpy guy with an issue. I want to be as a fun guy who is fun not because he is healthy but is fun because he is. Sick or not.

Today I live with two big issues. The first one is my right knee. It simply dislocates time and again. Ya. Any side strain on it and – pop, it dislocates. I have learnt to play with the issue. No extra stress on the right knee. Short steps and less long strides that put outward pressure. And when it pops, I go through some pain – straighten it till it pops back in. those around me go “oh shit, I heard the click when it popped in”. So there. It popped back in and I stand up and say, come on, lets continue. And I SMILE. I never fail to smile. Hopefully I crack a joke or two at myself. Good fun.

The second affliction I now have to live with my entire life – lactose intolerant. That too is fun. Jopke about it and move on. What’s the big deal. Move on.

Surely I don’t have anything as severe as this lady has. She obviously has fought much more. But I am only inspired not by what she has achieved. People who work hard will achieve, but I am inspired by her being able to joke at it. I too want to go on a lactose intolerant stand-up comedy show and talk about the various shit I face when I talk about being lactose intolerant. I went to Punjab recently and people there wondered if I had lost it completely and what kind of quack I must have met. Who the hell doesn’t have lassi or butter? I already have decent ammo for this. I think in some time I will be a stand up comic joking about lactose intolerance. My best retort is simply – well – all humans are lactose intolerant but a lot of us have developed a mutation that helps us manage and digest lactose. Don’t believe me? Well you are a mutant according to Wikipedia : “Most mammals normally cease to produce lactase, becoming lactose intolerant, after weaning, but some human populations have developed lactase persistence, in which lactase production continues into adulthood. It is estimated that 75% of adults worldwide show some decrease in lactase activity during adulthood. The frequency of decreased lactase activity ranges from 5% in northern Europe through 71% for Sicily to more than 90% in some African and Asian countries. This distribution is now thought to have been caused by recent natural selection favoring lactase-persistent individuals in cultures in which dairy products are available as a food source. While it was first thought that this would mean that populations in Europe, India, Arabia and Africa had high frequencies of lactase persistence because of a particular mutation, it was later shown that lactase persistence is caused by several independently occurring mutations”

So you are the mutant Ninja turtle, not me. See your pic…

Ok ok… I guess you prefer Wolverine:

See you wished for super powers – you did not know it but you were actually part of the Mutant project and soon enough you will be called to join the mutant force to protect Planet Earth.

Ok fine – it sounds much more funnier when I say it than when I write it. But you get the drift. I surely hope that I don’t go through much more pain in life. But I surely don’t want to be the guy who would sulk over it. I want to be the fun guy who went down laughing – laughing my gut out. Why so serious?

wake up

Today morning was rare day. I normally don’t like waking Jispa up and she senses my weakness to let her sleep. She wants me to huddle up with her and keep sleeping. I like waking her up and taking a long time to do so. But then when she needs to wake up on time and I go in, she still tries to sleep for some time, irritating Jasmine. That’s when both of us get a scolding. So I tell Jispa to wake up and get going or else Mom will scold us. Then one sharp shout from Jasmine and we are all awake.

So when we have to go swimming I hate waking her up. Jasmine’s strategy is simple, before Jispa comes into her senses, while asleep – just pick her up and put her on her feet and guide her to the bathroom. Jispa will then wake up while brushing. She may create a slight fuss but she will in the end wake up and have a slow start to her day. Today for the first time she told me that she didn’t want to go swimming. She was too tired. Now that is a tough thing to say to dad. It’s a complete bummer.  I’d like her to sleep. Sleep for more time dude if you are tired. But at the same time, you are tired because of your sets and the only way out for an athlete is to get up and swim again.

At this stage as a dad, I am discouraging Jispa from swimming. I see very little future for her in India. There isn’t much you can do as a swimmer. The coaches are bums, the system sucks and the whole environment won’t let you do anything of note. The only thing that is there is studies and college led growth. But still that’s not the whole thing. Jispa swims morning and evening. That’s great for her but I would also love her to play badminton or TT or Tennis or Squash. Play another game. Get your hand eye coordination going. Do more. Swimming is sucking away her entire childhood and my fatherhood.

I like her swimming but I really think it’s way too much sacrifice for nothing much. She should play, read and chill out in addition to swimming. But there isn’t enough time. I want to play badminton with her. That should be good fun. A good game where she beats the shit out of me. I can play a bit with her, practice, sweat it out – but hell – swimming is it. Her school vacations are also bad news. They have a June July vacation that matches with eth English Summer. So she misses out on all the summer camps that get organized. So practically she wastes her summer as well.

So I want her to sleep more. But since she is swimming and she made that choice – I have no option as well. Sorry kid but you have to wake up. If you are tired, skip the evening practice. Do the difficult thing but then you can go easy on the easy bit. That is what an athlete is. Without pain you can’t really go the distance. And I have to be the harbinger of that pain in the morning. I have to ensure you get it but I will also ensure you get a massage form me at the end of the day. I am sorry, but you forced me to do this.

So that’s the cross we have to bear. There are no shortcuts. These sacrifices you make build you. You wonder to what end goal or point. That is not given to you for now. I wonder if what we do is good. We started swimming only to get you to learn to swim, but we ended up being the fish. Today jasmine started swimming regularly, I am swimming; the whole family is getting fitter as a result, but…. I still wonder. After ten years – don’t blame me, I was just doing what I thought was best.

laughter bring you together

That was just something Jispa and I share. We love the minions and their idioticity.  I did not go to watch the Despicable Me part 2 as I think it was in 3D. I am not a great fan or 3D and typically it cause me to get a headache. Jispa loved it and saw it and wanted me to see it. I got the chance to see it on a flight to Shanghai. I remember seeing it and laughing to myself. I was trying not to look silly like I see the others do it. You get these guys who watch some funnies on the flight and laugh out loudly. It funny to see individuals break up into laughter on their own with the headphones on. I guess its ok when the gang is laughing with you and everyone finds it funny. But laughing all to your own is something extremely odd. Some guys laugh more than others. Like this time when kingfisher started showing videos of the Laughter challenge with comedians all vying for a few guffaws. I never found them all that funny, but it was ok. You would always find one or two characters who would laugh uncontrollably. And finally when I saw Despicable me 2, I was controlling not to laugh out loud like them. The minions are extremely funny.

Jispa laughs uncontrollably at times. She can go on and on like I would have when I was her age. I found it extremely difficult to control laughter till I was I think around 22 or 23. I would laugh hysterically till my stomach hurt like hell and that would also barely help in bringing sanity back. I remember trying my best to stop laughing in serious situations. NCC drills were a few instances where I would have to control and end up not laughing. Somebody does something funny and your drill commander would insist on maintaining decorum and I would be the one not able to control and would be singled out for some more punishment to stop my laughter. Oh dam it.

Now life is slightly more in control but it’s still amazing to see something with Jispa. Her giggling and laughing is great fun. We get together and can laugh all the way and Jasmine will not understand what’s so funny. She will look at us and we will start laughing all over again. Jasmine wont find amusing at all. In fact we have a term for it “Mom is not amused” or she has this “I am not amused” expression. Just saying this to each other will make us laugh all over again.

It should be fun when Jispa grows a little bit older. Then we could be watching some movies together. That would be fun. Movies like Delhi belly and others would be funnier with her. In a few years movies like Angoor or some others like the sort may be equally funny to both of us, or the Mahabharata scene from jaane bhi do yaaron. Currently we are stuck at Khichadi – the movie. Ya ya. I see you judging us :)

Laughter is a great way to bond and none better than going together and enjoying a few jokes. Jasmine laughs much lesser but she does find a few things really funny. It was my specialty that I could make Jasmine laugh at will when I was in college. Slowly she seems to have been immune to my antics. She possibly finds it more boring now. Bah! I was telling Jispa about it and then telling her that now she finds me funny and all, but wait till she gets older. She will find me irritating or simple “not funny”. I have to keep inventing so many things to have fun with her. I am scared that I will run out of stuff by the time she grows up. Opps. That will be one tough time.

jalebi

Lactose intolerant.

You see a multiple level of disclaimers on chocolates and other snacks. Peanut allergy, gluten free, lactose free – whatever. I always wondered. These seemed to my mind a fad for rich countries. The Americans were in any case pretty crazy with all kind of weird alien diseases and mental allergies. Come on man, what kind of shit is peanut allergy. It’s an allergy that was designed for the villain in a Hollywood movie to have – so that he accidentally swallowed one peanut and his face instantly erupted. Normal people don’t have these allergies and why would you be so bothered about a factory that manufactured these products, as long as your food doesn’t have it.

I had a tummy issue for the last three years. My tummy would just bloat up and I would take my medicines and it would come back in place. So much so that I had two sets of pants – 2-3 inches apart. I was confident that my ayurvedic doctor would solve it. But for some reason, things would move forward and then relapse. It was pretty painful. Not painful in a physical sense but more bloody mental. Gas is a bloody irritating thing. And especially when you are active and keep playing a lot and then you look at your tummy and feel like a piece of shit. Of all things – I don’t especially work towards an Adonis body. I don’t like the big muscle look. For me it was always the lean sportsman that I admired. Lean, fast and light. And then I look at my tummy and wonder. I actually thought I was fat around the tummy.

Then it got really bad. Whenever the medicine effect lapsed, any physical activity would have triggered a massive debilitating headache that made me go completely numb. It was so irritating that I would not be able to remain patient with anything. It took a lot of effort to not get angry and irritated at any one even madly irritating. That was the final straw and I was then referred to a gastro specialist. I was convinced that I had germs in my tummy. Because I could eat and eat and all I wanted to do was eat to neutralize the acid build up in the tummy.

When I went to the doc, I was prepared for an endoscopy to figure what’s inside. She patiently heard me and then she asked me if I wanted an endoscopy done. I shrugged. A few more questions later she said – before you do the procedure – do one thing. Go off lactose for ten days and see. She thought I could be simply lactose intolerant. I was ready to give it a shot. Who knows?

The effect – in just 10 hours – all gone. Wow. This was a magic pill. I have been lactose free since the last month or so and then it’s been all great. Play as much as you want, no migraine. Yes the dreaded M word. I refused to call it migraine. But that’s what she called it and poof – it’s gone. I used to try to cure it with acidity pills. So there – I had this Lactose intolerance.

This is such a difficult diet for India. We don’t understand Vegan. We can’t understand how to remove lactose from our food. No lactose means no milk, no butter, no ghee, no cheese, no curd and no buttermilk – nothing. No cheesy pasta, no Indian sweets, no chocolates, no pizza, no dal makhani, no paneer food, no butter on bread, no biscuits, no cake, no ice cream  – it eliminates almost anything that is unhealthy, fattening and sinful.  I am going crazy while travelling and eating outside. You can’t tell the waiter about serving Vegan food. He doesn’t understand it at all. So you have to explain no milk, no cream, no ghee no butter. He looks at you and is confused. He is normally accustomed to no oil. A few of them are dumb struck and a few of them are far more cooperative. They rush in and ask the chef and come back with clear information.  I drive them up the wall and they drive me up the wall. Why is it so difficult for Indians to understand dietary requirements? Oh dam you. I think the only thing we have learnt thanks to our obscenely high heart attack rate is – No OIL. Everything else remains a mystery with them.

But hell, As of now – I am enjoying it. It’s a great way to get healthy. Get allergic from the bad stuff. I can actually go to various parts of the country and come back fit. I can’t have almost anything. The saving grace is that Samosas and other fried stuff seem largely ok. But more than me it’s my co travelers and those around me that feel amazing sympathy for me. They feel bad. They wonder what they should eat. Oh go on. I don’t care. The fun ones try and make me jealous. Oh go on, I don’t care.

Food was never one of my big desires. I never did really be tempted by the palette. I am happy eating simple stuff. Do I really miss anything for now? For now, none. I am happy. It’s a big change for my eating habits but no real change for me. Of course from now on every place we go out to eat with someone I will first have a 10 minute conversation explaining my intolerance and then looking at their faces wondering – how the hell will I survive. Then simple eating will start. It will be a fun ride.

And the invariable question – how long? Well this is supposed to be on for every. Let’s see. Forever on – I will live without eating even one chocolate or a cake or a jalebi? Sounds like fun.

On the topic – see this ad – it’s a classic – Dhaara.

square peg square hole

H“This is a very good report. But if you were in the seventh standard you would have got the highest and the topmost A star. But since you are in the fifth I am giving you only an A”
A couple of months ago Jasmine told me that there is a school project designed for me. It was on research and to get eth sphere of influence of the school on the students in class. Jispa had to take administer a survey on the students and present the findings. If anything I know research. So I sat with Jispa and figured a lot of things. I think I have blogged about this in the past.  So I sat with her and we listed down questions to which we could get answers that we could analyze. Post which we sat and made a tally sheet to collate the answers and then we made the graphs. We did graphs that made sense and we let Jispa make them. These were stacked bar graphs and other graphs. We did maps with circles of various radiuses. We let Jispa do a lot of the thinking with our help. Jispa understood a whole lot. The end result was a nice presentation with findings. I sat and beautified it with her. It was a complete team effort.
After all that, I saw the presentation returned yesterday with an ‘A’. Oh dam it. “This is a very good report. But if you were in the seventh standard you would have got the highest and the topmost ‘A’ star. But since you are in the fifth I am giving you only an A”. Now that’s not done. Sure parents helped a lot in making the presentation and report but please ask Jispa on her understanding of the report. You can’t just say – that’s too advanced. This is exactly the problem with the schooling today. You brow beat them into conformity to this extent. All outliers are just beaten out and you are rewarded for being the middle of the standard normal curve. I thought home work is meant to explore and understand with the help of parents. The question was – did Jispa understand what she did or did the parents do the project for her. We insisted that Jispa do a  majority of work. I took pains to let Jispa take the lead in designing questions. I taught her to think and dream of situations. To think through on the graphs while I suggested different graph styles. We did the graphs together by hand.
So no – the idea is simple. You have to have a standard assembly line for the workforce. People who get rewarded for being within the assembly set up. People who can see the square hole and mold themselves to it. I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said ‘progress depends upon the unreasonable man’. It’s the same thing when Jispa comes home to complain “the teachers tell us at the start to ask questions and when we do during the year, they tell us to shut up”.
WE have too much rigidity and structure in the school. A syllabus to finish, an exam to administer and a result to declare. Who has the time and the inclination for outliers? The dam exam gives us enough stress and now if we push the boundaries of the project – that’s going to give us stress as well. Today morning I was taking up history for Jispa and I realized that she did not understand History the way it must be understood. Why was civil disobedience organized thus – why not any other way. How was the INC formed? The answers are all there in the text book but the connection and the logic between the turn of historical events is sadly missing from the pie.
Jasmine and I realize that now we have to be a greater part of Jispa’s education. From two aspects – one from a daily schedule perspective. Regular studies and taking up will ensure no last moment stress for her. That would a lot of work from my side as well. The second aspect – I will need to see the questions and answers and explain to her the answers so that she need not mug up but answer from a deeper understanding of the situation. That is pretty clear. Yesterday Jasmine and I were talking about this and we knew that our honey moon is over. The fun is over and the studies have started in earnest in school. Now it’s good bye to a lot of fun and games and a huge hello to focused studies. All this becomes critical if we have to maintain her swimming schedule and her studies. Both cannot suffer. They need to work regularly to coexist. Else one will cannibalize the other.
Dam it. Look at the unintended consequences of a simple membership that I convinced Jasmine to pick up. I also convinced Jasmine that we should put her in swimming so that she learns to swim. I have never imagined a competitive environment for her swimming. That was supposed to be a fun thing to do with dad on Sundays. Bah! The law of unintended consequences.

teach her, to be free?

What the hell man. It doesn’t take long for parents to grow horns. The devil inside of us is lurking and shows up at the opportune moment.

When Jispa was born my mindset was vastly different from where it is today. One the things I was happy with a girl was – she doesn’t really need to study. No – I was not being sexist but I knew that the world wouldn’t accept a guy who is a failure. While I was growing up the guy thing was clear. You are a guy and hence you have to study and make your life and earn money and be successful. If you are a girl – you figure what you want. Jasmine wasn’t forced in to studying well and graduating. I think it was just a happy thing to do. When Jasmine after studying decided not to come with me into MBA – she had done enough of studying and exams – she wasn’t questioned. When she was at home doing almost nothing – no one bothered. She was settled in and was in many ways engaged to me – the big question was – was I earning enough. Does my financial future look good enough?

So when Jispa was born I was so happy. I will not push her to study and she would be free to do what she wanted to. She would play, lean an art, draw, cook, swim, kick ass – anything. We wanted her to be free. All this resulted in a great childhood – till she hit the 4^th or more recently the 5^th standard. Now we are assholes after her life. We want her to study. We ensure she studies. Till last year Jasmine would take up her studies, but this year on – Jasmine had decided that she will study on her own. Just ensure she sits to study and that’s all. Her grades were ok so far. Now exams are on our head and Jasmine this weekend decided to just check up on her and decided to take up her Hindi. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. She wasn’t that prepared for the Hindi test and she needed a lot of help.

I found this similar to the situation that I was in when I was her age. I remember my mom leaving me to study and once just on a lark deciding to take up and BOOM.  I knew nothing and wasn’t ready for the exam. SO now we are after her. We are making her study every day. Exams start this week – Thursday with Hindi. So there it is. We are pushing her to study, we are taking up stuff, today I woke up early and woke her up as well and did history with her. Wow. I sacrificed my badminton and got ready with her and sat to study. Basically I became the father that I never wanted to be. Never. Goddam it!

What do I do? I keep thinking? On one side I have to be the father who is fun all the time and on the other side I have this niggling doubt – if my mom would have pushed me and made me study; not by simply making me sit, but being after me – taking up, setting goals, pushing me – I would have been able to study better, earn better and make a better career for myself. So what do I do?

I spoke about Freedom in one old post. When you want the freedom to choose some freedom must be taken away from you. In effect we are taking some freedom away from Jispa. We are taking away her freedom to choose her childhood time so that we give her the freedom to choose when the time comes to choose her career. If she does well in in her studies can she have the freedom to pursue whatever field she wants to. That is the truth of our system. Exams are not attest of knowledge – they are a test of time. What all you know in that period of time – not your understanding and what you retain over a longer period – but what you know at that time. This TIME creates the pressure. SO as we teach Jispa – we are cramming into the brain something that will help her for this time. Like Hindi – dam shit – I cant understand why you need to be able to write Q&A in Hindi. I struggle to teach Jispa Hindi and there are a lot of words that I have no idea of. Swachand! WTF! I understand the need to know how to read and write Hindi. I believe it’s critical but not this way. You have to inculcate the love of the language – teach them how to talk in Hindi and not cram in Hindi. Get conversations flowing and then get the questions and answers flowing. Jispa is simply cramming the answers of the chapter. There are no discussions. A little bit that I do is allow her to express the answers in her own words. Jasmine is a bit stricter in this respect – but this I am happy to fight for. As long as the answer is written to the point – it does not matter if it is by rote. Therefore I allow for a bit of leniency but that is still no excuse – it still is a big F*&^*^ mug up.

So yes – I have sold my soul – once again. Hopefully – it’s for the right reason. Isn’t that the last refuge of the thief? The right reason. I don’t know. I try to be different and try to commit a different set of mistakes, but in the end – I feel so helpless. When I lose my cool while studying I feel really miserable. I don’t think Jispa will have too many happy memories of me teaching her school stuff. I am really bad at it and my frustration shows. I am jumpy and irritable and I tend to snap at Jasmine and Jispa. I am sorry. I try my best to then regain cool and ensure it doesn’t last too long. So far my only redeeming feature is that I haven't ever scolded her for bad results. That's the outcome. I rather focus on the input. I hope to never stoop that low. I am equally responsible for a result as she is. But i have also learnt never to say never when talking about the future. that word is only good for the past. Lets See.

But hell – grow horns – chop them off  - that’s parenting 101 for you. For me. 

Now you understood the need of the comma in the title?

with a song on my lip and a stroke in her head

https://soundcloud.com/shraddha-radio/rave-lutionised-sheila-ki

Listen to this

I asked Jispa whether there was a song stuck in her hjead this time around. She said ‘no’. normally she hates me singing and especially before a swim. She says that the song gets stuck in the head and she finds it extremely irritating. And if I sing it then it gets stuck in my ugly tune. So she hates hates it. Normally I like to irritate her and continue to sing till she gets really upset but this time I didn’t dare to try. This time my baby was participating in the ultimate swim marathon. This is the third or fourth year that she has had the chance to take part. The last three years, something or the other had always come up. A cousin’s function, school sports day… something. This time she was it.

But since she has had a shoulder injury she hasn’t been training as intensively as before. So no morning swimming and a lighter workout. Around ten days back while I was discussing with the coach he had told me that he is sending Jispa for the marathon. That’s cool by me. I did not think much of it. I assumed Jasmine knew and I thought it was some time away. Jasmine came to know only a couple of days earlier and she was quite hyper. A MARATHON and I don’t even know she is participating. She went into overdrive, read all she could and tried to be ready for it.

For me the holy grail of all sports is not the sprint but it’s the marathon. A test of brute will power. The ability to keep fighting yourself, your muscles and your mind. A lot of things that keeps telling you to stop and something that keeps telling you to go on. I have run a few long distance runs especially thanks to the NCC training I got. The longer the distance the greater the will power needed. You are essentially running yourself. There is hardly any competition that you see. I had told Jispa that to my mind this is the best race for me. I will be by your side. We were held up in traffic and we missed the first time trial and we caught the second one. Jispa very easily lapped her nearest competitor. Then the girl in the lane next to her tried keeping pace with Jispa even though she was 50 meters down compared to Jispa.

Jispa started very well, she paced herself and took easy strokes and at a pace she thought she could sustain. I spoke to her coach and we agreed that it was sign of a strong mental makeup. Normally I don’t cheer, but this was a long race. 160 laps of a 25 meter pool. She went on and on. I saw that she saw me looking at her and I tried cheering her, egging her on. Before the race I had told her that I would be busy playing temple run. If you see me waving my phone at you then it means I am playing temple run while you kill yourself in the pool. Good natured laughing and ribbing later, while she walked to the starting block, she told Jasmine to tell me not to make her laugh. So when I was cheering her with a phone in my hand, I saw her laughing. Her coach told me ‘she is laughing’. “ya, that is at me. There are many pressures already on her. At least I removed the one that a father puts. We are having our private joke’.

It’s a fine line putting pressure and asking / pushing your child to perform. I told her it’s important to race this one, don’t worry. I was sure she could do it but at the same time I explained to her “see, if it pains think a little. If your muscles are paining, then carry on, that’s a good thing to fight. But if your shoulder injury acts up then stop immediately. You don’t want to injure your shoulder. Its ok.” but I wanted her to compete and wanted her to finish. So we kept cheering her on. She kept looking at me and I kept walking along the sides, making actions, urging her, asking her to stretch. In the middle she was telling something to Jasmine. I went to one end and she shouted out to me – its cold. Winter in Mumbai and we had unseasonal rain that day. The weather was cold and the Khar swim pool where this was held is on the third floor, near the sea line. This is known to be the coldest pool in Mumbai. I kept saying, its ok, fight it, it’s worth it. I not sure how much of my shouting she registered but she surely could see me encouraging her.

She and the girl in the lane adjacent kept pace with each other. Both trying to shake the other one out, pushing each other. It was a fine battle to be seen. But thanks to her start she was 50 meters ahead and it stayed that way till the end. So in the second time trial she finished well ahead of the pack. If we had made it in time she would swam with her seeds and would have had a better timing. She finished fourth overall with a time of around 63 minutes. Wow. I know guys in my office (and chicks) who just wouldn’t be able to even walk that much in that time.

But what struck me is that the other parents put so much pressure on the kids. Some of the other medal winning kids were sitting glum. Because their parents were unhappy with their timing. WHAT. I wanted to shove them into the freezing pool and check their reactions. After Jispa came out she said she couldn’t feel her arms. Her arms from shoulder to wrist were frozen and she said in the middle of the swim she couldn’t feel them so she was jerking and throwing them to wake them up. Now that builds character. She got out and we rushed her to the changing room for her to relax under the hot shower. In such circumstances can you say anything to your kid? I don’t know. I can’t say thing else but ‘awesome job’. I cant understand, after completing a swim like this shouldn’t you be basking and soaking it all in. After all you just swam four kilometers in an hour.

I am sure if she had swum in the first time trail she would have finished amongst the medal tally. But freaking cares that much? It’s ok. I am happy. Possibly this was a blessing. This was good. At that level these kids start pushing each other and the undercurrent of competitiveness comes out and who know – an injury! So we are especially happy parents.

I told Jispa “really well swum. And I don’t normally say it, but yes, you swam really nice.”. She also said “ya, I know you normally don’t say it. Thanks. You really liked my swim”. “yes”. Awesome.

I asked her afterwards if she did see us. Yes. And she took encouragement from us. she laughed as she thought I was teasing her with the cell in my hand. Well I wasn’t, but hell, did the laughing helped? Ya. And the walking up and down as well. That was like a pace clock. So that’s good. She couldn’t hear anything but she knew I was encouraging her. Was that good – yes it was perfect. Thanks. And at the end – was there a song stuck in your head. No. then what were you thinking? I had told her to think of a marathon as a meditation exercise. Keep trying to correct your position. See your arms, body legs. Keep swimming and try to be technically correct. Get your rhythm going. She said “I kept thinking about my strokes and kept trying to keep them going good”. What more can I ask for.

this is how you do the tumble turn. The fun is when you have to do it 160 times and every 45 seconds. You have to blow hard when you turn over else the water goes in your nose. So you cant be out of breath during the entire 4 kms.

This one is just for kicks!

Kuch naya ho jaaye.

This is just the video you want to watch and then want to buy your own GoPro camera. It allows you to catch stuff that you always wanted to while freeing your hands and minds. You go do the exploring and the camera will do the capturing. Isn’t that the ultimate fantasy. Being alone with your adventure and then being able to share it with the world and of course yourself. I am sure the next killer app they would want to promote is the video maker that takes your footage and makes a lovely video out of it. Easy cutting, editing and music addition to make a complete video. The music of course is the key to all this… a range of customized sequences like – high action, low intensity, romantic, etc. Now put that in a simple app and le.. go pro on your head to sharing it in a minute.

These are amazing videos and you can search for the complete range of them online. Underwater, in air, land, sand – forest everywhere. I love the spirit of adventure. I love that Jispa is now an accomplished swimmer and now has the freedom to do a lot of this stuff. I learnt to swim properly and now I got Jasmine to learn as well. The only way I shook her off her inertia was to enroll her without asking her. Now she is learning well and is to my opinion proud of what she has already accomplished. That’s nice. I want to snorkeling with the family at some point of time. Hopefully sooner than later.

Along with Jispa’s swimming, she is learning to run. We had to choose one more sport for Jispa to give her a complete range of exercise. A land training schedule was increasingly becoming important. So we just decided to try out running. We got this teacher who does running coaching. Since it was early morning and at mahalaxmi race course, which is fair distance from home, I enrolled along with her. The running is fine. There is great joy in running with Jispa and I think at her pace she doesn’t stretch me but it’s a nice workout. But the best part is not the run. I learnt the importance of stretching well before and after the run. It’s a 15 minute routine before and after. Sometimes the workout after the run is more tiring than before. I think, that itself is worth all the effort. I think Jispa is also benefiting a lot from it. Her swimming coach is unable to dedicate time for stretching in a way the running coach is focused on it. This ensures the muscles are properly stretched. I think this is helping her as of now and I think this suddenly becomes the central point in the workout that Jispa is enjoying. And along with that I am learning to stretch before and after any workout.

Even as I play badminton, I don’t go on court before stretching and spend some times on court after the game. I try my best to tell my friends to stretch. They simply don’t. They make some few conciliatory movements and off they go. All they want to do is hit a few smashes and then possibly run off. Stretching is not that easy. It needs to be an essential part of the routine but it is most ignored. Possibly because it’s boring and the results are hidden. I think the running coach tries her best to give new types of exercises to keep the interest going. You have to keep the interest going and the fun element happening.

I remember this fun element as a critical thing in a work out. Once I had the chance to meet the legendary Anil Kumble. We were talking and he said, when he was captain they had introduced a lot of new regimes. He told me that as cricketers it’s not that they can practice on a day in day out basis. You just can’t come out and hit the same balls on a daily basis. Its gets boring. So they introduced the concept where every day there would be a new captain for the workouts. At first they would do everything that is needed to be done and as mandated by the coach. Then they would look to the captain of the day who would do some regimes and make the entire squad do it along with them. So if someone wanted to do fielding practice as that was what excited them, then the whole squad would follow suit.

That’s the first time I understood that even the best of the best can get bored doing what they do best. You have to bring excitement and change from routine. In fact if I were to reverse it - the best of the best NEED a constant change from routine – a new challenge. A new opportunity.

For me that’s why the running is far more exciting than the badminton as of now. But I try and bring in a fresh perspective to my game. I try and hit new shots and play different strategy. Something different from what I may have done before. This is what I also try in office all the time. Do something new. That keeps me going. I would hate to do the same old thing again and again. Kuch naya ho jaaye.