sweet dreams are made of these

So Jispa is living my freaking dream. Ok… sorry Jasmine, OUR freaking dream. The joker is in Germany for an exchange program. It’s not really an exchange program but it’s a vacation in the form of an exchange program. They will stay at a school hostel and attend school for a few days but are not really completely living with a German family for a few weeks and attending school and all that. But hell. It’s still an exchange program. I wanted to go for an exchange program when I was small.

I remember seeing something like that in the papers about a free exchange program and wanting to join. I sent the letter and the papers and everything and when I got an invite (or just before or something), I saw that you have to pay for your air fare. The air fare to US in those days was around a 100 thousand rupees, which was way above what I could definitely afford. Also I had to pay for small incidental expenses etc. I think it was a period of 1 year where I could study and stay with a family there. Or was it one month? I don’t know. But what I do know is that obviously my dad wouldn’t pay that amount and I was in India with a broken dream. I am not sure if I was upset with dad. I think not. I think I was in this respect at least, quite understanding.

We knew money was at a premium and that dad was at home after his heart attack and that we were trying to run the family on investments and a children’s nursery that my mom ran. It was a nice and popular nursery – Angel’s Nursery. It generated quite a bit of income for the family when we needed it the most. I remember my brother and me being taken by dad on his scooter (with a side car attached) to the various localities and catchment areas and going door to door and stuff pamphlets in the letter boxes and doors. I remember liking the job and quite enjoying the experience. It was invariably on the vacation before the school season for new admission starts.

So I do understand not being sent for this vacation. Right now, with the new house and the 6 months that we had without one of the houses on rent and the Chembur gymkhana membership and all… we are pretty broke. Jasmine and me and wondering and calculating the money in the bank accounts. It’s fun. Luckily I am not stressed as much. I have been through much worse. At least here I am asset rich and cash poor. So when the Germany trip came in, we still said yes, knowing that we will figure it out.

I stopped taking stress on a lot of issues. We will figure it out as we get along life. Jasmine and I discuss that Jispa is young and atleast she should enjoy. It is difficult for all three to go but at least one can go and see it. She is going to Germany, see Nuremberg where the trails were held after WW2 and she is going to Salsberg in Austria. Oh freak. She is completely living my dream. But I am not complaining.

The joker that Jispa is, is not understanding that these are our dreams. I have told her to send pics and talk to us and describe things to us. Share the experience with us. But she is not likely to do so. She likely to go there and act all secretive and at best we will get her experience from her Instagram feed. Such an ass she is. Possibly when she is 30 or possibly 40, when she reads this post, she will realise what a pain she was.

Dreams are funny things and when you mix parenting with them, they can get potent, liberating and restricting at the same time. We parents have to balance it and Jispa has to balance it. She can’t do something or not do something because of us, but we expect her to do or not do because of us. What is right and what is wrong? There is no right and wrong, there is only tension. Tension as opposites reconcile. This tension makes the job interesting, painful, memorable and rewarding. No tension no fun.

Last weekend a kid came home. I had taught her 8 years ago. She came for gyan and advice and chit chat. She had remained in touch, on and off I must have met her after 8 years. It was damn cute. There was the tension of me being her teacher but also the tension of now being a peer in some way.

Yesterday I was super proud as well. It always happens when a kid I have taught comes home and spends time with us and asks for advice. This one was from  the current batch I taught. She and her friend decided to start a cold brew coffee company focusing on really authentic cold brews. She came over for advice and to get me to taste her coffee. It was seriously awesome coffee and I really enjoyed it. Since she wasn’t taking money for the coffee, I made her my special paneer burjee… and then we fed her icecream and we showed her how to make caramel sauce etc. At the end Jasmine and I sat with her and played a few card games. It was so much fun. I know I am some time away from retirement but then this what I would love to do when I retire. Talk to old friends and students, play cards, talk marketing, give free advice and take free coffee from them. It’s the best combo ever.

Teaching has given more joy than anything else. That it helped me improve my speech delivery and improved the basics of what I teach is secondary. The joy that I get when these kids reach out to me, talk to me and give me the love and respect that have for me. It is invaluable. This why I teach and this why I cannot give up. I have made teaching a fine art of teaching logic, concepts and stand up foolery. Just this week I was to give a 12 minute talk on techmarketing at a forum. I did not quite know beforehand what I wanted to speak about but a few days before the talk, I wrote down 20 concepts that would be important to digital marketers as they try to go upon their journey. These are from my personal experience and could be quite controversial or plain different, depending upon the context.

I knew I was good, but suddenly 5 minutes into the talk I started having fun and I started enjoying myself on stage. My stand-up routine started and I started having a load of fun. In the end I was short of time and I started doling out advice in rapid fire mode and the tempo went up and up and up and I was talking as fast as I could. It was serious fun. I have never before had so much fun on stage ever. And the stage was a big one! It going to be telecast on TV later. Here is the not so telecast quality of the same. In 24 hours it already has got more than 500 views. I was on fire! It was an important high point in my professional life so far. Not because I gave gyan on stage. I have done so many times before, but never have I enjoyed it so much. And never before have I done it like this, pushing the limits of my irreverence combined with intelligence and experience. Full time pass.

Here see the full video here.

I really enjoyed this. At first I had put the word f*#@king in every slide. Trying to make an impact. There is an extra alphabet there just for you to know that the word isn’t what you were thinking of but a more politically correct FREAKING. Then the sponsors raised a few valid questions and were urging me to be prudent. I agreed and I sent them one with all of them deleted. As luck would have it, they played the original slides at first and I had to gently remind them on stage. Suddenly as I ran through the presentation, they smartly changed the presentation and the result was that in the middle all the sanitized slides came on. I guess the impact was made. Social was  abuzz with the F*#@KING presentation and the points I raised. Alls well that ends well.

Dreams and Despairs

Every time I walk around my new house I can’t but help thinking, wow this is a big house and wow, its mine with my money that I have earned over these years. How did this happen?

When I openly talk about my own astonishment, my friends tell me – Jaimit you are a big man, you deserve this. But I never saw myself as a big guy. I know I am pretty senior now in my company. I am part of a big team running the company. A far cry from the 25 year old kid who joined the company and was thrilled to get the designation Associate Vice President on card. So thrilled that I remember flashing it around at the college reunion. Like most other thrilling cute things. As time goes by, the novelty wears off and you move on.

In my case it also helps that I am married to Jasmine who is nonchalance personified. Ok, you are the super senior guy in office and all that jazz, and you are stuck in meetings that could potentially make a few crores for the firm in a few years, but till then, can you please get a printout and before you come home – get some bananas and get up a few minutes early and go down and get some milk. 2 litres – Gokul special. Gokul special? Doesn’t he deliver – its three bucks a liter for delivery charges.

There, I am grounded. I think even I become some big CEO of some big company, I still will have to get the milk home. Two liters, Gokul special. Cause she has to make paneer and set the curd for the weekend. Sure. That’s why I am always amazed how did this delivery boy get this big house? Just how?

But I am not complaining. When this house was being made, it was completely different from what I was imagining it to be. It was shaping up nicely and like a rich man’s house, and that was causing me great pain. I did not want a rich man’s house. My image of myself is a simple guy with simple tastes and simple wants. Not this awesome rich freak with wall papered hall. Call me old fashioned but I grew up on a healthy dose of Amitabh Bachhan movies where a rich guy in a big house is always the villain. I identify myself as the one single guy who against the system, always angry, trying to work hard and make a decent living. In the middle of all this – I got myself a house.

In fact in the middle of the process of making the house, I was having a real heart to heart conversation with Jasmine. I was telling her that I don’t like the way my house is shaping up. It is looking too rich. I don’t identify with this and she had to calm me down and say its ok. I think she saw the foolish of my self-image and had to endure my stupidity and my ill directed ire. Slowly but surely I started seeing how nice it was and how well designed it had become. It really was spacious and well done up. And tastefully so. And everyday when I reach home or when I wake up in the morning and walk to the dining room, I ask myself, how did this happen?

As a young 20 year old, I was pretty much insecure about my future, my life and my career. I don’t know what I did and how I got here. For me it was always a question of how could one survive. I dreamt of a simple one room where I could get to sleep and wake up and have less possessions. India was not awesome nor did it have enough opportunities when I was in college. It slowly opened up and allowed people to blossom and make the most of it.  This is the power of free enterprise and dreams. This alone can pull millions of people out from poverty and allow them a chance to lead a prosperous life.

When I was growing up, one day cricket was just a start and people were just about trying to follow it. The world cup had started and it was dominated by the West Indian team. It was only around ten years back I found out that the west indies is not a country but a loose bunch of countries tied together by a cricketing board that tries to pick the best team.  By the time I was growing up, in 1983, India won the world cup and the frenzy around cricket just started.

The world cup was being held in London every time as only UK had the money to host the world cup and they insisted that the commercials lead the sport. India ten with the help of Reliance Industries brought the world cup to India in 87 and showed that when it comes to money power and organizing skills, we were getting there. Then liberalization started and when a billion liberalized people want some thing, it happens. We could put the most amount of money on the table and then the richer countries started crying and asked for the WC to be allotted on a rotational basis.

Today India holds the biggest private jamboree on cricket every year in the form of the IPL and cricketers from around the world come to be a part of this melee. It’s a huge thing and an interesting victory of the triumph of private enterprise. So many cricketers now may have been consigned to obscurity now have a chance to make a decent living. Ditto with the kabaddi league in the country. Just five years ago these players were living a simple Spartan life till the league happened and changed their lives.

In some ways I look to identify with this phenomenon. A life time spent on have nots and insecurity moving to a life of abundance and an attitude of we will figure. It’s pretty dramatic a shift as far as mental shifts are concerned. But at least I am thankful about it. It’s improved my life and allowed me to live my dreams in the best way possible. I fought my way here and it allowed me to reach what I thought impossible. Whatever works… works.

As an aisde, I cannot understand how kids these days (kids meaning everyone younger than me) look at a hookah joint and want to plan to go there and smoke away. I cannot understand it. I was having a conversation with my daughter on this and wondering how this works as well. Some kids in her school, drink and smoke. Oh dear dear me. They are not even 18. Hookah joints are the start point as they look innocuous enough and harmless enough. Like beer and breezers, simple innocuous starting points. As Jispa told me – they are gateway drugs. Simple enough to pull you in and then envelop you completely. I cannot endorse it no matter how hard I try to accept it. But hell, you choose your life and you choose what comes with it. What can I say? These are the side effects and perils of free enterprise. The ingenuity of man works both ways. I don’t know if I have blogged about this, but the fact that alcohol figures prominently or subtly in almost every Hollywood and Bollywood movie, there is a consipracy theory I have behind this. I think it’s all funded by the liquor lobby to make it look cool. Even the Avengers movies shows Tony Stark (Ironman) getting himself a peg and enjoying his drink. Every Indian movie has a song sequence at a party / club after getting yourself a few shots.

It is wrong and this is subtle targeting. The ability to imprint the coolness in people’s heads. It will cost us a lot. Hookah will cost us a lot. In ways that are not direct and un-understandable. We will learn and we will see. After all the choice is ours. We choose. We decide. But hope we have the wisdom to choose wisely.

Watch out

I was feeling rich and there are two things that I have always secretly always loved possessing. One is shoes and the other is watches. I can still think about shoes as a functional thing and expensive shoes tend to be better lasting and comfortable compared to cheaper versions. Of course there is a limit to this pay off. I am at around 4 to 5 thousand beyond which I think the shoes start on their downward marginal utility of the money spent. The problem is that the world has moved to around 6 to 7 thousand or even 8 thousand before the shoes start making awesomeness. Apparently I have not kept pace with the shoes innovation inflation index yet. This is in the sports shoes index.

Luckily in the formal space index, shoes have largely stayed within my range. And at this time I am super lucky as one day I walked into the Cole Haan shoe shop seeing a 60% sale board. These were ridiculously expensive shoes. In INR they were at 15 to 18k for a pair of shoes. No way would I even smell them at that price. So luckily at 60 /65 % off they were with reach. Just a bit more expensive than normal but still within reach. So I bought one pair. After a few months, this shop was going out of business (obviously) and they had a 70% off sale. Jasmine egged me on and I bought two more pairs within my range and now I am complete. Three leather pairs and one old trusty pair. Done. These should last me at least 3 to 4 years. Hopefully more.

On the sports shoes, I was heavily influenced by the book “born to run”. There the author argued that humans are designed to run bare foot and the shoes with cushioning have spoilt our gait and running style. Thanks to the cushioning we have on our shoes, we have learnt to hit heel first versus a more mid foot impact style that barefoot runners have. I was so heavily influenced by this that I bought a lot of sport shoes with a thin sole and zero drop. I think today that it was a mistake. It’s not the best thing to do for my feet. Possibly I am too used to cushioning or my feet run in a different way and to retrain the old ancestral style would take too much effort and is probably useful for those running marathon, not couch surfers like me. But still – 4 K is my limit and I have to really wait for sales and clearances before I can buy anything.

But for now – I have enough sport shoes, chappals, leather shoes and sandals. More than what I need. No more testing the level of my passion of collecting shoes.

As for watches, I have a genuine problem. I love these watches but have complete understanding that there is ZERO marginal utility on an awesome watch versus a really cheap watch. Long time back, I think 7 years ago I was feeling pretty rich and I ventured to buy a watch. I bought a Victorinox watch on sale. One of my friends worked there and hence I got an employee sale price on the watch. The watch originally was for 26,000 and I was getting it for 16,000. A steal and I bought it. It’s a great watch and I love it, but after that purchase I understood that I have too much spare money and we decided to buy a house – our current house, and we got screwed in deb for the next 4/5 years. I haven’t bought a watch after that. I have been looking at watches, ogling at them, especially the automatic ones but could never justify to myself buying one.

Recently on a business trip abroad, while at the Duty free my CEO was looking at an Omega watch he liked. He bargained, got a good deal and bought a watch costing more than 300,000. That’s cool. He knows his watches and he knows what’s cool in the high range section. He bought it and looked at me. I smiled. He told me “you are that types – a three hundred thousand watch will also tell the time and a 300 buck watch will also tell the time, nah?”. Hahahah. Ya, kind of.

So recently I again started looking around and a mailer from my airline frequent flier program told me that I could redeem my miles for an awesome Casio watch costing around 6,000. Sure.

I started searching for reviews and views online, when my eyes fell on this beauty. This particular one called Casio F91W. Wow this was so retro it was cool. It reminded me of the watches I had in school and while growing up. Of course it released only in 1991 when I was firmly out of school but the design principal of the watch was very clear. It was that 80’s watch. Cheap fibre and a work horse. I researched some more and I realized that this one was a crazy seller and still sells high numbers. It’s cheap and the battery lasts between 7 to 10 years. And it reminded me of my childhood and my dad. Funnily enough that’s what the reviews also said.

I love it and ordered it online. 725 bucks and next day delivery. Am I proud or am I proud?

This has also been dubbed the most dangerous watch in the world. Its great use has been in being used as a detonation timer for bombs. Osama bin laden was spotted wearing it in one of his videos and it was also used to profile terrorists by the US for detention. Serious! What a story. Now this watch is no ordinary watch. It is The Watch. I am suddenly prouder.

Some guys in office wonder what a guy like me is doing with a watch like this. Ah – you know…..

happiness is ...

A good friend of mine messaged me to ask me if I was fine. If I was happy. I didn’t seem happy enough. Was something wrong?

These are difficult questions to answer. Are you happy? The frank answer is I don’t know. Instinctively – yes I am happy. My home is just set up. Yesterday I sat till late on my desk and I was reading on the laptop about Amazon and its growth. I was reading random things. I paid some bills as well and I ordered stuff on Amazon. I felt happy and content that I was there doing my bit.

But work takes up a large part of my awake hours. I realize that work is a bit of a bummer. The team is just not ready and is completely wasted. I would have to work with them to push them, improve them and make them come up to mark on a whole host of things. I have to coordinate and play games with so many people to get things going. There are people in the firm who are stuck in a time warp. They refuse to learn and refuse to improve. They are just there, stuck. They don’t even want others to improve. I don’t understand how ego can come in the way of making more money for the firm as a whole. They block everything and every move.

Now that I think over it I see this organization evolve over the last 18 years. Weakness exhibited by the management 18 years ago has snowballed into a large issue and now these monsters have been dragons of epic proportions. Slowly they become even more difficult to dislodge and take the whole business down with them. Weak managers who want to control only their immediate balance sheet try not to upset the apple cart too much. These who manage one year at a time, hiding the problem get rewarded and move to the top. These are managers who do no wrong. They also do no right.

But these are ones who have built this massive organization. Possibly it was an era where you did not need to compete like crazy. You needed just to not do too much hara-kiri and stay alive. Today when you see, the old organizations in the industry are built on edifices of rust and so weak at the roots. One needs to change things and shake them up a bit for them to move and compete in this bold new world.

In all this stress, I am also trying not to take too much stress. I want to sleep at night, not get my blood to boil or increase or decrease my pressure. I want to simply live and manage. Like the same wise friend of mine explained to me 6 months ago when I said I want a boring job “no jaimit, you won’t work in a boring job. You will take a boring job and then you will attack it and make it work and change things there as well. No jaimit, people like you don’t rest”. This was told to me not only by this friend by a few more friends.

Its right I guess. We have the best of intentions but our friends know us more than anything else. This is the thing about friends. So yes – my friend did guess it right. I am the happiest. Possibly I am a grumpy old troll these days. And some other good friends who care have been telling me about it. I guess I have been on the edge. I need to just chill and relax. Make things happy around me. Make myself happy. Manage my happiness quotient.

Of course I have to push for change. Hard push, but never at the cost of screwing my own happiness. That’s a really tough thing to do. Push for change as hard as you can and then enjoy the process and the failures that it will inevitably bring you. Hah! Chalo… it’s a learning of a different order. Be happy be pushy and be content.

These are too many opposites reconciling.

Let’s talk some happy things – I have grown an ugly thick bushy burly moustache. My wife hates it. And I am enjoying it no end.  I always wanted a thick moustache with a short crop hairdo. Now that I don’t have too much hair itself, the contrast is amazing. I think I am loving my old man, grey look. Here you decide.

old dad in new home

Big dream done. We shifted to our new home on the 21^st of the April. Yes I am recording this date in this blog for historical purposes. The big dream was not merely shifting to this home but also sitting on a desk that I call my own and switching the computer on and writing my blog here. That is my big dream. I always wanted a bedroom with a small study table inside and a place to put my books and stationery, including pens and note books, etc. this is a place that I can retire to. Both Jasmine and me, old wrinkly and retired. Jispa is old enough to get her room, but she is old enough to not enjoy it too much.

I expect her to run out in a couple of years and possibly study elsewhere and this room of hers will be vacant. I don’t what we empty nesters would do then. But then that is a story for later. No point thinking too much about things that may or may not happen. As for now, I am enjoying the larger rooms and the space and the TV and gadgets in the kitchen; and my desk. That desk is very personal and important to me for some reason. It’s a tiny space that’s mine in the house. I love it and I seem to get possessive about it.

My little girl has also grown. Now she bullies us and we have to use extreme authority to get things done. I recognize that the only reason that she listens to us is because she wants to and because she has to. It’s going to get quite tough from now on for us. In such a scenario she will listen purely because we exert moral authority (or guilt). This become interesting for us as parents. This is becoming difficult for us as parents.

Moral authority is a bit of chimera and ephemeral at the same time. I think you can get a bit of these tokens which are very difficult to replenish. You cannot just start using it and expect them to work. You have to work on them and even when you use these tokens you have to be very clear about them. Like recently, I had to use complete total power when I banned the use of the cell phone in Jispa’s room. The cell phone cannot go inside the room. Full stop. This is a big one. She has been spending too much time in the room on her cell phone. A room by itself is black hole within which nothing escapes. The cell phone is equivalent of the gravitational force that makes the black hole so powerful. I am thinking of calling Jispa’s room ‘the singularity’.

So it was incumbent on me as the dad to enforce this discipline. I don’t like and it’s quite against my core beliefs in some way. You need exposure to technology and at 16 you can’t enforce too much. But then there was another core belief being compromised. That of keeping the family together and stopping what was essentially bad for her. It was the one thing that was eating into her reading time. Reading time is the one thing that has gotten me where I am today and I did not want to compromise that for her. Of late she has begun to read a lot less and that is disturbing as far as I am concerned. Possibly it’s because the books that she needs to read are very different from the ones I had and possibly she needs different people suggesting different set of books to her. Possibly she needs different interests. Poor thing right now has only pone perspective – mine and that I would admit is severely limiting. I try to get her to read a diverse set of books, but finally they are my diverse set of books. One big thing missing from my set is good fiction.

I want to restart my reading. One of the few things I have started is keeping my phone to charge away from the bedside table. It’s now on my study table. So no browsing and then sleeping. Second I want to stop taking it inside the loo. I have kept a book there to read instead. And I have bought books and am keeping them within arm’s length everywhere. I need to read more and this has to get kick started. I am also trying to get the laptop over the week end and catch up on the various tabs that I have left open during the week to finish my reading.

Right now it’s a bit of a bummer. With work being very hectic and the home setting up taking so time, one of the things that I haven’t found time for is myself. I need to find this time and give it to myself. Last week was so bad that I found myself popping in a few paracetamols and trying to get through the week. It’s a good thing that I had a holiday today. Nice relaxed no agenda day, trying to sleep in, do some basic house work and get some valuable rest.

So it’s a tough thing being a dad. All I can say is that I have learnt over the long run on how to be more effective than what I was earlier. I keep wondering how much my teen will test me. So far I must admit, it’s been fairly ok. She has her mood swings when she can get very annoying and difficult but on the whole she has been quite a breeze.

Right now while I was writing this blog, I had to use some of my brownie moral points to get her to study math. When we first told her, she was like ‘you promised you wouldn’t interfere with my studies’. Yes we won’t, but it’s also important for us to interject into your life when you are going wrong. Not studying is going wrong. So practicing math is also important for you in what you seek to do in your life. But yes – I can’t complain nor can I scold her, nor can I force. I can only use moral brownie points and I used a few of them right now. She must study math. It’s important for her life. But then how can we really push. Whatever works for now works.

diligence and dedication

What is it to be a dad? I don’t know but being one does teach you a lot of things. Having patience for one. It can be extremely rewarding and frustrating at the same time and to live with these ups and downs is a part and parcel of being a dad. It compounds with the fact that parenting is a moving target as your child grows up every day. They respond differently and more importantly I as a parent, need to think differently. I have to approach each situation differently, every time it repeats or every new day.

It’s not an easy things and it’s not that it comes naturally. In fact the natural behavior would be to deteriorate your response with the frustration of repetition. At this point, I have to control my instincts and think deeper and reach for resilience from within. I am sure Jispa too needs serious resilience from within to deal with her parents as well. And this will only get tested again and again when she grows up and is independent and doesn’t require us for her growth or wellbeing.

Today morning as I was dropping Jispa to swimming for her morning swim and I reailsed that she had forgotten her flipper bag. Again. Oh dear. There was no point in scolding her or anything. She told me that she will simply borrow a fellow swimmers bag and continue. As I left her and went back home I couldn’t help thinking – Jispa reached her national glory thanks to Jasmine doggedness. We put her in swimming and then the program took over. Jasmine found her calling in Jispa’s program and supported her. We drove her to every swim meet, we sat in the background and fed her, we got her ready for school and dropped her, we cooked her special food and basically ferried her every where and got her to stick to her swimming program.

Left to her own, I don’t think the kid would have done it. Today as we have relaxed our oversight into her program she has slipped and how. She doesn’t train as hard, she bunks at will and we realize - she is not destined for pushing herself to achieve greatness. She is a good person. A nice toughish kind of kid but she is not the natural born self-motivated sportsperson who can continually achieve greatness by virtue of relentless unsupervised practice. She is not eklavya who can make a statue of her teacher and practice away. In Many ways she reminds me of me.

I think my dad would have said that I have never fulfilled my potential as a kid growing up. In sports or in studies. Procrastination was my thing and diligence was never it. It’s only when I grew up in life and when life kicked me in the backside that I realized the value of diligence and dedication. Anything that does not have it will not get achieved. And never to your satisfaction. I think Jispa achieved what she did in swimming was because Jasmine showed these two things in helping Jispa grow with the program. My job was diligence and dedication to Jasmine’s cause. It wasn’t my thing. Even today I tell Jispa, its ok, relax, live your life, have a childhood, and don’t bother training so hard now.

Jispa will grow up and understand these things. She is better than most other kids. I am sure. She can still manager her swimming and her studies and the simple fact that she continued to swim all these years, makes me convinced that she has it in her to grow. I am not criticizing her but making the difference between kids who are good (damn good) and kids who are great. Look at the current Indian captain. After breaking into the cricket team and the big league did her realize that he has to work even harder and train like crazy if he has to break into the all-time great lists. He was a chubby child and now he is a pinnacle of fitness and hard work. I was a lazy worker and now I put in 12 hours a day trying to get things done. It takes time to grow into what you want to do in life and when you get it, then you can go for it.

I am sure Jispa will be a great coach or a good teacher or an awesome worker. She should do well. She has a lovely disposition that she got from her mother, an understated ambition (mother again) and an ability to explain her thoughts (now that’s me). This is her and I am quite proud of her. She is a far better kid than I was at her age.

Just a few days ago we had this conversation on which subjects to choose and which to drop. I told her to screw career and follow what you love. Finally she chose basis the best teachers she would get. That’s a smart choice. All subjects are good. It’s the teacher who makes us love a subject. Now she chose physics on the basis of the teacher and immediately she loves it. That’s a great choice kid. Connect to people and you will always be rewarded. Pick people you love and work with them. Then it’s always easier to handle every issue that comes your way.

urban jungles

I just finished a holiday In Singapore. The efficiency of the city continues to amaze me. They run their daily lives with such discipline and efficiency. No jay walking, no litter, no pollution.  A city that is built by its citizens and is kept clean and spotless. It made me think, that the bets and the only way to get people out of poverty is proper urban planning.

Cities are the bedrock of modern society. We can wish as much for the village in the gandhian principal of “India living in its villages” but the fact remains that cities are just far more efficient means for community living. Density allows for access to advancement in basic civic services. Only in a huge bustling metropolis can you have the best of roads, transport, hospitals, schools, parks, malls, primary healthcare, sanitation, sewage etc. Large communities living together can together demand and make viable an efficient system or modern living. Cities improve the lives of people and help them compete, make money, innovate, distribute, access finance etc. These just become unviable when you have villages with a few and far dispersed population. The access costs of all these services makes it impossible.

Roads in a cities are demanded are a right and roads in a village are given as a favor. That in itself is a key point of difference in itself. The problem is the not fact that people are slowly moving to the cities in search for employment and opportunities. We cannot lament over it and come up with bird brain nazique ideas to stop it. People are coming because it is simply more efficient to live in a city.  The problem as Singapore has shown is simply urban planning (or failure of it thereof). Improvement in people’s lives and alleviation of poverty can simply be handled by proper urban planning and administration. If we give people proper amenities and charge them for it and create an infrastructure that works for its people then people will find a way to get themselves out of poverty and live meaningful lives.

We were staying at a friend’s place which overlooked a park. Next to the park was the government housing complex. The complex was clean and neat and well kept, unlike the ones in Mumbai which become a hot bed for crime. This complex had an open gym where the government had kept exercise equipment which basically was designed as outdoor equipment in which the design was such that it used body weight as resistance. They were lovely and when I tried them I realized that they could actually be sued as a great exercise tool. You just have to substitute the heavy lifting with extra reps. It was awesome.

The best part was that no matter when I saw the park and the equipment, there were always some people using it and exercising. It was awesome. I saw people exercising in the morning, in the afternoon under the blazing sun and night (even late night). This is crazy. The oldies outnumbered the young ones, but it seems that entire Singapore is into fitness as a culture. The frame work provided by the urban planners takes this into account. The gardens and gym equipment is designed to allow you to use it. It was a crazy revelation. Especially the oldies were so much into it. One thing I saw across Singapore were a large number of oldies working.

This made me think. Why would the oldies work? When you speak to people about Singapore, they all love it but they all complain that it’s become expensive to live in Singapore. My view was that possibly these oldies who I see working everywhere – some as waiters, cleaners, taxi drivers etc, were possibly working as they need to support themselves as they grow older. Possibly there is a huge cost of medical and living and lifestyle maintenance that is difficult to keep up to. What was it? In the second half of the trip I was asking everyone – why are the old people working? Whats wrong in the system?

The answer I kept getting is that they are working as they want to. Simple. What I understood is that they have money and health care is already subsidized for them and they have contributed to the health care while they were working. Also their retirement plan was worked out for them while they earned their salaries. Hence it’s not that they work to eat or live. They work as they are able bodied and they want to work. Otherwise they will sit at home and rot. It’s the same reason they remain fit. They are independent people and like to preserve their independent lives and be fit. Their great leader set an example for them and worked till he died. They see no wrong in doing the same. There is great dignity of labor and hence lots of job are available for them and they work. One taxi driver told me, while I was hurrying to see the sunset from tourist spot that the best sun set he saw was in japan and the best sun rise was in Egypt. Singapore ‘no good’ for sunset views. He was right. But the point is that he is not the normal bottom of the pyramid taxi driver. The old man was working because he wanted to and he had enough money. The city took care of them.

I was telling Jasmine that look at the Singapore model. Good urban planning has allowed so many things to work rightly. How people move, commute, live, enjoy and work. They get themselves out of poverty and crime. You give people homes and they live well. You create a disciplined environment and they live with it. So many poverty alleviation techniques are available from teaching people livelihoods, education, food and even direct cash transfer. I have a theory that all of it pales in comparison to the simple act of good urban planning and enforcing of community discipline. Density will allow the maximum impact in small areas and allow for a mass upward movement of people. If someone just sets up an independent urban planning center and in which they have templates and studies for planning and development which are free for people to access and use and ask questions of their politicians, then a massive change could be affected. They could, let’s say give out simple thumb rules for what a km of rail line could cost , or a typical walkway or methods for road construction to be followed and make these open source. Then bids of these would become transparent.

This center simply explained how cities should function, how policing can function, how transport can be built and lay out the best learnings across the world then, my belief is that the world will become a significantly better place. Cities are not yet congested. They are just simply badly planed and managed. They generate enough money for investments, but are simply corrupt with no base ready for comparison and criticism. Cities can take in even more people, with even larger sky scrapers being built and inhabited efficiently.

Cities are the way to uplifting people from despair and hunger and poverty. Urban planning will allow it. Efficient and effective way to help people live better lives. That was my big Singapore learning.

PS – the best part of the trip – going to a trampoline gym and jumping away with Jispa. It was seriously so much fun.

revolution

Over the weekend, one evening we went to the Chembur house to check on the progress made. After which Jasmine, Jispa and me went for a walk around the place. After staying for 11 years in the relative obscurity of Bhakti Park, where there is nothing, no civilization for 5 kms around, Chembur feels very different. We walked around to find medical shops, many medical shops, restaurants, sugar cane juice sellers, shops selling clothes, underwear, mobiles, mobile repair centres, hotels, sports shops, vegetable markets, everything within walking distance of the home.

We are still coming to grips with this change in paradigm. Everything is so close. We have grown as a family living in Bhakti Park. The only thing that is going for Bhakti Park is that it has a massive Imax theatre in its vicinity. Rest, many years ago we had to buy a second car  to ensure that Jasmine and me could both get anywhere. I distinctly remember struggling to get a taxi in the morning to drop Jispa at her bus stop. Of course the place has improved but still, the basics of modern urban dense living, which we take for granted is still missing from the place.

I took them walking along showing them the place and getting them to understand the map. Where is which shop, where are the markets and where all can you go for basic services? Our house is very close to the station and that’s why access to all the services at a stone’s throw is possible. And being set inside from the main street, the place is also quiet and just about 100 meters away from the hustle. All in all its an experience.

While walking around we almost reached Ghatkopar and we then turned back. One of things that I think I have missed while I was in Bhakti Park was the ability to walk around. And once I did walk around in Chembur, I realized what had happened to Mumbai. It’s become a polluted shitty place. In the last ten years, the pollution levels have gone through the roof. In and around my place in Chembur was still bearable, but moment you hit a slightly more busy road the pollution hits your face. Now I realized why I probably will prefer a mall. You get off from your house, get into an AC car and get into the Ac mall. You live the cocoon of air conditioning with filters on. You don’t feel the pollution. That is to be felt by the poor and the voiceless. I really think that the poor in India have been shortchanged by Democracy.

The pollution is really bad, the trains are crowded, the bus service erratic, the pollution levels dismal, and the broadly – they will stay in the same dirty quarters with no real access to sanitation. It a freaking amazing thing that civil war hasn’t yet started in the city. Yes, all this while walking around a city with idle time on hand. How can so much inequality survive? Raising taxes and giving sops to the poor is not the answer. Having good governance at a city level is the right answer. Giving homes to people to stay respectfully, giving them commute that is efficient and works for them, cleaning up the air, water etc; these are answers. They don’t require more taxes, more sops; they require an iron will. They don’t require more laws, they require more follow up on the existing laws. Post-independence the generation just rotted and created a system that we are now going to bear. If that generation of governance created a good model, then we would have been able to live better. One man in Singapore changed the lives of its people in one generation. One generation.

Mumbai collects enough taxes that it need not even dip into reserves. Most of the budgetary outlaw remains unutilized. I talk to different people to realize that staying in Mumbai is prohibitively expensive. There is enough land stuck in government land banks and red tape. If only…

But its ok – let’s all sit in our ac environment and relax at ease. I am going to stay on the 13^th floor, far away from the noise the street generates, especially the rickshaws. I have ACs in all rooms. A remote switch away. I have applied for membership in the gymkhana next door. So now government land that was given away for promotion of sporting culture is enjoyed by an elite few who take membership to it at exorbitant rates. We will shut out normal people from enjoying these services. We have rich fat kids playing sports in a closed isolated loop amongst themselves, forgetting that the point of a facility is that it be used. We will keep the facility unused during off hours, rather than promote the sport for more people to come and play, raising the standards for everyone. No.

We like staying in our secluded ac environments. I have built the perfect nest for Jispa. The perfect nest. Who am I to complain? I made most of my money by dancing at the temple of capitalism – in a stock broking firm within a privately owned bank. Why should I lecture to anyone on this? Well I am not… I am writing a private blog available only to specific people who know. Someday the socialist in me will meet the capitalist in me and then I want singularity to happen. That answer is in between these two views without a thirst for power. Which means – impossible.

But hell, I am still 42. There is time for me in this world. Probably when I retire, I can busy myself with public life. Doing things that are right for the society. Trying to uplift people the right way; by empowering them to lift themselves out. But for now, that is a pipe dream. Just a good thought that comes from the heart. Heart is normally never the problem. It always is the mind and the intention that is an issue. I hope that I will be able to do good work in life. I hope I will be able to contribute more to society in a way that’s lasting. Possibly that is my way of telling myself that I am a great guy and that my current rate of shittyness is just an aberration where I have temporarily sold my soul to fund my immediate survival. Heart in heart – this is what I choose as important. And hence society service is not on my mind. Full stop. I have forgotten the socialism ideals or even the stupid left leaning ideals of youth.

Only Capitalism and private enterprise can lift masses of people out of poverty. Nothing else. So sitting in office and working at the capitalist temples is actually a service to mankind. While doing so a very simple thing of caring deeply for consumers, allowing them to choose the right products and treating your vendors and colleagues fairly is good enough society work. At home, following basic society rules and working harmoniously with all is service to society. Simple human interactions and work done with simple ideals of collective good that appeal to selfish interests – that is how civil society progresses.

Also when the time comes and the conditions manifest themselves in a way that you will find yourself in a situation where you will raise your hand, raise your body and defy odds and change or refuse to accept what is present. Revolution rarely comes from a rebel looking for it. It comes from unlikely simple people doing simple things because that’s what they think is right. This then sets them up on a path to doing bigger and better things for everyone.

So my revolution will come someday. I always wanted to be a fire brand revolutionary. It’s funny when I look back at myself. Within my confines of my office desk, I show signs of this red (or orange or green) bandana wearing bearded fire breathing revolutionary. Pushing through agendas, others find difficult to see, digest or swallow. That’s my little victory in the sellout. Little joy in massive narrow bouts of aggression. I don’t know if this aggression will kill me, but it’s helped me live.

deep

“Dad” asked the voice on the other end. “ya?”. “Dad can I go to the NSCI holi.”  “whats that” I ask? “Siddhant (her cousin) is calling the entire gang (the one that went diving together) for Holi at NSCI club. It’s a thing, and can I go?”. Err. Permit where you can and protect where you must is the motto. I am sure Jasmine would have told her to ask dad so shooing her off by saying ask mom is also not going to work. Holi – a bunch of drunken revelers with colors etc, is not exactly it. “no” I answer. Then I proceed to explain my point of view “no, because first I don’t your cousin is up to any good. Second – people drink and play holi. Three – it’s the place where most eve teasing happens. Four – I don’t really know you gang to send you here. Five…”. “Dad..Dad.. relax. Stop. I didn’t want to go in any case. It’s ok. I had said no but my friends were insisting”. “bastard, so you just wanted me to say no so that you have an excuse to say no?”. “ya kind of”. “ok.

Yes I did use the expletive and yes… parents are not meant for too much meaning. They are meant for simply being there while your kid derives meaning from your presence. 

I just said some deep shit, that mean nothing.

ramble in the morning

Writing is a bloody habit and a skill. I feel that the days I have written my blog regularly, I have written better and the days that I have just lost touch – I have, err… lost touch. I have nothing much to write about. I miss the 2009 days, when I wrote a blog for every working day that I had. It was a particularly fecund time for the blog and also for my mind. I had nothing to do in office but I had loads to read. I think some of that quite dramatically impacted me in a way. I realized that even if there is no work, I can invent work and figure out a way to make life much more productive.

Right now where I have joined, I can still decide to just sit down and relax and let time and tide work its way. I can relax and not push the pedal on anything. But I hate that. I don’t think that defines me. I am defined by the work I like to do and the knowledge I gain. I want to push the people under me to reach their levels of work that they did not think possible. I want to push hard. I don’t know why I am doing this. This is a recipe for disaster, frustration and anger. But I like doing it.

I think over a period of time, I have understood what makes me happy and what drives me. I like this in me. So I guess it’s pretty stupid to stop this. But on the other hand I am 42 years old. So I understand these things about me. I think I have learnt to know that my push is my problem. I can push but people can only take so much. I have the ability today to sit behind as well and relax and chill knowing that things will happen at their own pace. This is what the prime example of opposites reconciling is.

I push but I wait. I demand but don’t expect. I lead but I also allow you to float away. The concept of opposites reconciling is something that only age can teach. Today I understand far more about it that I thought at the start. It is more profound than ever to me. We are a bundle of contradictions. So many times I see people lie, but I don’t think they do it. I think they are merely telling the different truth, again, and this time it’s different.

Sometimes people love me and then the next day they won’t. What’s the truth? Hah! There is none. I have argued much about this in my past blogs. Opposites reconciling is also a case of truth and lies reconciling. It’s also a case of emotions reconciling. An old friend reached out to me after a long time. We were practically out of touch. Her mother passed away. I connected with her and felt for her, but I don’t really feel for her. Move on. Another friend connected with me – she was frustrated with her job. I felt for her, but I don’t feel for her. Another friend…. You know the drift…

In both cases I was warm, genuinely so. This is how emotions are when you are older I guess. You retain the warmth in your heart but you don’t let it fool your brain in wondering if you really care. I think I really care for no one really. Yes I care about my daughter and wife, more so than anything else in the world. But sometimes I wonder if I have become more cynical and hardened over a period of time.

Yesterday for brief time in the night the electricity went out. In her sleep (she didn’t remember it in the morning) Jispa came to our room and asked if the electricity went out, and that it was hot. Jasmine asked to sleep with us, as we have a net window and it was relatively cooler. As Jispa slept, Jasmine fanned her with a newspaper. That is motherly love, untouched by father’s world weary cynicism. I told her not to, but she still did it. Then I took on the newspaper and fanned Jispa. Not because of my love for Jispa, but because I wanted to give Jasmine’s hand some rest. Dumb ass.

Was this love or was this sharing the burden of parenting or sharing the stupidity of an old friend. I freaking don’t know. All I know was that Jasmine’s action had more love than mine.  My thinking for this is that she is yet untouched by the world or she is refusing to be touched by the world. More the former. I think if Jasmine would have worked in corporate life, then she too would have been worldly cynical. But she is unscathed. That’s why I take extra care of her. That’s why sometimes, I let her even face some of the shit – there, realise that it’s stupid, to love unconditionally or give unconditionally. Slowly I have seen her also harden with the ways of the world. So far she has managed a bunch of friends who are loyal to her, by being who is. That’s a happy cocoon to have. I draw from her well of goodness. I wouldn’t have ever been able to have these friends on my own.

Coming to which – I am looking forward to my family Singapore holiday. We are going there for a few reasons – 1 – its free stay. My friend (ex colleague) has settled there and we get free stay. But more importantly – Jasmine and I wanted a nice stress free holiday. I have been to Singapore three times and with family – once. It’s a stress free city. We know the city and all he attractions. There is no rush to complete them all and see them all. We can do it at our own pace and time. The public transport runs like a breeze and is predictable to a fault. There is very low crime and everyone is honest. Jispa can do things on her own there. What more do we want? No stress, foreign, happy vacation. I want that.

Also we are almost broke doing up our new home. We have no money for a large expensive vacation. By the time it’s done, I am going to be so broke. But I see that as an insurance against the vagaries of life. Now that it will be done, there will be less stress on me. It’s a home built for a hopefully a longer period of time. And a home that should last me till retirement. I never knew that at 42 one talks about retiring. But age does that to you. I am pretty aggressive for an old man… hehehe… opposites reconciling.

Last note – a blog that I was writing and didn’t bother to publish – I have a recurring nightmare that I can’t run to catch a train, my legs freeze. With my knee problem, I see that as a reality. While taking part in the parent’s race, this time, I felt that my legs froze and couldn’t go faster. They went slower than they could. I was worried about the knee popping out again. Man… it’s scary to see yourself live your nightmare in some way. I hate it. But I live with it. It’s a big bad dream come true. Arrggghhh.

Free irrelevant song

fly buy nostalgia dubai

33 years is a long time. Especially when you are 42.

When we left Dubai for Mumbai it was such a harrowing experience. From a large well protected cocoon to a crazy place of nothing. I wondered if I would ever go back and if ever on what terms. Would I get a job to live back there or visit as a tourist or for any other reason? I remember air travel was such a luxury and the cost of the tickets extremely prohibitive. We never again went by air travel within the country itself, forget going out of the country. It was something that never happened.

Over the years, definitely air travel became more affordable. If I remember right, the prices have fundamentally remained at the same absolute rate even after twenty-thirty years making the trip very affordable, but somehow Dubai always eluded me. With the markets doing well and I am back at my old broking company, when the offsite was announced for Dubai, I smiled to myself. I going home after 33 years. Wow. I was a little 9 year old boy when left Dubai for India. Now I would be going back on official business as a senior executive. Hah!

I am not going to talk about how Dubai has changed. Of course it has. It’s got shit load of wealth and it’s a city that decided to make its income from tourism and construction. Of course it a mad place. Its got some crazy large structures with massive buildings. In fact it’s got the tallest building in the world on top a massive mall. Dubai super sizes everything. Of course it’s changed and I couldn’t recognize anything on the way to the hotel till I saw the World trade Centre building. It was the building that was the tallest at its time. I remember going there with family just to see the building and having an outing around it. We posed for photos around the place. It was 30 odd stories high. Now that building looks like a pygmy with 60 storied buildings everywhere, making me lose a sense of perspective.

We shopped and hopped around Dubai till we had a chance to do a desert safari in the big Toyota SUVs. Those guys took us on the dunes, or as they say, bashing the dunes and skid on them etc. It was fun till one of the cars had a bit of tyre trouble and all the cars just had to park around to help him, in the idle of the desert. That’s when eth real fun started. People climbed on top of the dunes to pose for photos and jump around. That’s when I remembered my childhood. I was on top and the guys were climbing up when I saw this sweet round colleague of mine trying to climb up. I ran down towards him and took him to the ground. Then I ran after another and threw him down. Ad they posed for photos I threw a few more. Soon a few more joined in and it was complete chaos and I felt like a 6 year old all over again. Going up the sand dunes and rolling down with someone. We were full of sand and it was crazy ass fun. The guys who joined in had a whale of a time as well. I grew up to this – playing with gay abandon in the sand or rush into the water in the beach. That’s awesome fun.

Before coming back, I got a chance to catch with an old friend from Dubai. Our families were the best of friends and we grew up together while we were there. I asked him, if he could take me to my old house in Diera. He asked his dad for the exact directions and as we were reaching there, we were just looking around my building. It was a distinctive building as I remember that we had a long corner balcony connecting all the rooms. As my friend showed me the police station which I knew was nearby, I told him take a right here and there – that’s it. That’s my building.

After 33 years you get to see your home which gave you so much joy and fun and pride. It was a nice sweet quiet emotional moment for me. It was a large house with two bedrooms, a dining room, two halls and a kitchen. And the long balcony. We were on the third floor and seeing it was something special. Who knew under what circumstances one would have seen the house. It looked smaller than what I had memories of and the distances across the road seemed small. It’s because I was only a tiny boy of 9 and everything in perspective would have been big. Now it looks smaller.

As we were there all the memories kept flooding back. Three kids in our bedroom. In our respective beds jumping and playing. Running in the hall and balcony. Dad vacuuming the carpet on Sundays. Keeping the AC on every day and running around. Playing cricket in the car parking lot and playing cricket eth Pakistani boys who made a ball out of wrapping an induction tape around itself. I so wanted to go up and see the place. It’s a good thing we didn’t have time.

BTW – Jispa asked for stroop waffles and Pofaki from Dubai. She never asks for much and so for her I got 72 Stroopwaffles and 25 packs of Pofaki. Jasmine thought that I was over doing it. Hah! Of course. I am  dad. It’s my job to over do it.

what next

It’s funny how I am seeing myself age. Life priorities change. Your vision for the future changes. You start thinking about surviving peacefully as opposed to do lots of crazy things. It’s amusing for me to see how my mental model is changing as I grow older. When I shifted into this current house 10 years ago I had limited budget and lots of dreams and a world view that said – we will figure. Right now let’s focus on what’s important and build that.

So thanks to the small family that we were (we still are, I guess), we created a small house. We had almost no furniture and two cupboards and one bed. We spent the most, 60 thousand bucks, on the kitchen and made a small house for the small aspirations that we had. The idea was simple, we will figure as we go along the way. Slowly as we progressed as family, we did more renovations in the house. We got it painted, we added a dining table, a TV, we extended the house a bit, we got arm chairs and more cupboards. It was a lovely beautiful experience in building the home over ten years. I would give that up for anything. I really remember how small and cute and minimal the house was.

When we had money we bought a gymkhana membership. That too was bought with a sole intention of growing up with the gymkhana life with Jispa. She would do something, like swimming or badminton or tennis or something. It was an important and significant purchase for us.

Now after 11 years, as old as this blog, we have decided to move to our new Chembur house. This is a two bedroom kitchen and this is being done with a different mindset. Now we are doing up the house with a lot of focus on how it will be the same for a long time to come. We don’t have the attitude that we will figure. Let’s move into a nice home with all the amenities and the furniture sorted. So let’s have all cupboards, let’s have Jispa’s room sorted, let’s have the hall sorted, lets buy the right appliances, everything. Now the focus is not on the journey but to be that the destination has arrived.

I realize that at 42, possibly, just possibly, this is the house that I am likely to retire in and die in. I will not be able to remodel this again and again. Most of what we want should be done and made. So we are using good carpentry and good material for the home. Things that should last us for a long time. Now is the time that we are not looking for change but for permanence. So now what all can I invest in so that it will last a long time.

Next to the Chembur house is a gymkhana – Chembur Gymkahana. Jasmine and I were discussing the gymkhana membership and I urged her to come with me and see it. We liked what we saw and we saw that this looked affordable. But we have one membership, didn’t we? My argument to her is simple. We are likely to retire here as empty nesters when Jispa goes away. We are going to be oldies with little to do and lots of time and less income generating capacity. What will you do then? You will go to the gym and walk, go for swim, try and play a game or two and sit with your friends in a gymkhana. I am not even sure as we grow older if we will have the ability to drive up to Matunga gym and worse, you don’t want to waste money going there. I don’t know. But when you have this gymkhana sitting right here waiting for you to just hop inside, then that’s the ideal thing for the idle oldie.

Possibly when you are retired gymkhana politics or service, handling the affairs of the gymkhana is also something that you can do. Retired people work best as secretaries of housing societies and Gymkhanas where they spend their time doing honorary service, feel important and spend their time. It requires experience tact and time, which is what an old person would have. Hah. So we are now considering buying the membership for no other reason except – old age.

It’s a far cry from the action oriented unbrindled optimism of ten years back. Want to do something, want to live for the present, want to figure things out as they come. Now it’s a way to do least harm. I play with my knee in mind, with my back in mind, with a simple thing that tells me to manage myself or I going to be in trouble. I remember that my dad was only 45 years old when he got his first heart attack. I am 42. My immediate next goal – survive the next 3 years without too many issues. The fun bit of marrying early is that by the time I am 45, my daughter will be 18. I was 10 when my dad got his first attack. Hopefully first milestone will pass soon enough, without too much stress.

So that’s my ikigai for now – I am trying to create my ikigai when I won’t have any ikigais. That’s an interesting new time for me. Lets see.

joy

When we joined the gymkhana first we wanted Jispa to learn a sport properly. The one we honed in thanks to the timings etc was badminton. We also put her in swimming just to get her to learn it as a life skill. She was doing well in badminton as well when she got promoted first in the swimming batch and that decided her (till now) sports career.

But that’s not the point I am making. I remember one of the things that they made Jispa do was run up and run backwards on the court. Just run up and back. Simple. Get on your toes and run up and backwards. That’s a drill. Drills are important in sport training. They help you develop specific muscles and the build muscle memory. Then on the court it’s a second nature and replication of the same.

I have been playing badminton for long and all of it is self-taught. Looking at what the others do and thinking and trying to improve my game. It has reached a reasonable level but is now obviously plateauing. You end up playing with the same people again and again and then you aren’t able to develop your game. You have to play with multiple players in multiple settings to get an all-round feel to your game.

On the side of the court is a poster with the Indian legend Gopichand with different poses and explaining how to hit different shots. For the overhead smash one thing that I noticed that it required you to get behind the shuttle in a way that the shuttle is just ahead of you and you can then smash it right. It was interesting. I started trying to do that and it’s right, the shuttle then just flew off the racket in a powerful hard smash. That’s when I knew what I was doing wrong. I was being lazy. I was just getting back enough to get to the shuttle to hit it back not enough to get behind it. Just a step more… or possibly half a step more. That was the difficult one. It didn’t come naturally. That’s when I remembered Jispa’s drills- run up and run back. That’s the trick. Keep running back. I forced myself to run back a little more than normal. Again and again. And again. The smashes started going. It’s just a simple thing.

That’s the great thing about drills. Drills help you get the muscle memory right and get you to do the right thing immediately without effort in the match. I am amazed how simple it really is and with a little extra effort the game becomes much more enjoyable. Lovely.

These small efforts give me tons of meaning. I think these are cute things that help me get past what otherwise would be a mundane life. Our experiences around us make us who we are. We can go by thinking about the same old routine and get bored and exasperated by the predictability of it or we can get small joys in knowing that they can be improved or there is joy in the repeatability of it all.

Will I be a cynic with a mid-life crises when I tell you that don’t chase some great joy in life? Great joys are few and far in your life. My child being born was a great freaking joy. Falling in love with jasmine was a great freaking joy. Seeing my daughter win a race was great freaking joy. Seeing her lead the sports day oath was great freaking joy. But these come a few times in a life time. Rest are all small joys. Talking to her on various topics. Ganging up with her and making fun of Jasmine. Making the world’s best Paneer bhurji for breakfast for Jispa along with a coffee cup with oodles of cream is a cute joy. Running like crazy across the court and picking up the shuttle inches from the ground to take it across the net for a winner is acute joy. Giving a tough fight to the opponents in spite of being a weak team is a cute joy. Solving a puzzle with Jasmine or figuring out a product with her is a cute joy. Going to starbucks and ordering a pour over with milk and then asking for extra cup and some soy milk so as to get two for the price of one is cute joy. Writing this blog and posting it is cute joy. Buying a new pair of shoes is cute joy. Having a whack a mole fight with Jasmine with me being eth beaten mole is cute joy. Giving Jispa my old night suit t-shirt and then getting her ear lobe to kiss is cute joy. Fighting with Jispa over who gives the cutest nose kiss to Jasmine while she struggles to cover her nose in protest is cute joy. Talking to the trainee sitting next to you in office and giving gyan is cute joy. Rolling a tissue paper into a pointed rocket so that you stuff it inside your ear to get the last bit of water out of your ear after swimming is cute joy. Sharing your reading glasses with Jasmine while we oldies struggle to read a menu is cute joy. Putting cold cream on Jasmine’s legs or getting her to put cream on my back is cute joy. Giving Jispa a massage after a particularly tough works out in spite of you having a particularly bad day at work is cute joy. Giving a coworker a hug for no reason and not saying anything is cute joy. Peeling an apple without breaking the skin, in one straight flow is cute joy. Sitting in the pot and having one hell of a good download is cute joy. Finding a new restaurant that serves you awesome vegan dishes is cute joy. Meeting an old student who remembers you and tells you that you were the best is cute joy. Having a young friend tell you about their ups and downs and mental state just so that you know… is cute joy. Having a cool chat with your daughter’s class mates and just chilling around is cute joy. Connecting to a barista at Starbucks and hi fiving them when you go the next time, is a cute joy.

Beat all these bare cuteness of life.

who is to blame?

Yesterday as an eventful day.

I got up reluctantly to go play badminton. I like playing but I also realsie that if I don’t get enough seep I should be sleeping nd not playing sport. I think sacrificing sleep and going for fitness is a recepie for disaster. So I always try and get my sleep first and play later. But hell, Jispa also takes the opportunity to go to the gym when I go for badminton. Those are the alternate days on which they don’thave their swim and so it works out really well.

I took her to the gymkhana and suddenly while stepping out of the car she was in severe pain. What happened? She jammed the door on herself. Huh? Ya. Only Jispa can do that. She jammed the car close on her own finger. Oh dear, it was bad and the finger was blue. We ran up to the ice machine and got her finger in a glass full of ice. Now the eternal question – should I fuss over her and take her home or should I play the game while she waits on the sidelines with her finger.

The father in me wanted to play the gaem but the husband in me knew, that would be trouble when I get home. Jasmine would have fired me for letting her daughter hang around in pain while I played badminton. I told Jispa that we can go home. She was ok to let me play but still, I have been more years a husband than a father. I have been trained well on what to do. I went back.

In the afternoon another incident happened. I got free lunch at the restaurant SodaBottleOpenerwala. Yup. That is a name of restaurant. It serves Parsi cuisine. I called up Jasmine and told her – “you know there is good news. I got free lunch today”. “Why” she asked. Err… “That’s the bad news.”. She then guessed “they served you lactose food”. “no, Because they served me prawn curry”. “and you ate it?”. “Yes” I replied. “I ordered for the veg Parsi curry and the waiter got the curry. I started eating it and I was thinking about the fact that it has no vegetables but only chewy soya bullets. (I am still cringing). I even offered it to my friend who is also a vegetarian and she also ate it thinking its soya. Then I saw the distinctive shape of the prawn and I asked the waiter – what is this? He looked at it and pat came the reply – its prawns. And then he freezes for a second and looks at me and says – you ordered veg. Then he runs into the kitchen and comes back and tells me that I had ordered veg but the cook screwed up and he is getting the manager. The manager came and apologized.”

Ok. I ate what I thought was an ugly prawn dish. I was holding my head in my hand. What would my reaction be? Should I scream and shout? Should I break his head, should I demand a free meal... for life? Should I throw a fit? I just looked at my friend and we looked at each other and were wondering what to do. I simply told him, that go away for a minute and I just took stock of all the thoughts that were racing in my mind. Ok. I had the prawns. It’s not that I have a huge issue with non veg. I have no religion that went kaput, I had no belief that were altered. It’s ok. It’s a human mistake. It’s just that prawns look yucky and they feel yucky to eat. It’s a full body that went inside my mouth and I can feel the crunchy chewy feeling.

So I simply called the guy and asked him to take the food away. He wanted to replace the food. I was in no mood to eat anything else. I asked for fresh lime to wash the feeling. Hahah… now that I say it, fresh lime juice, sweet and salty, less sweet is my ganga jal which washed away the sins of eating it. Haha. What to do with the waiter. Its human error. Can really fault him for this. That’s why some of my friends and their parents who have huge issues eating non veg even accidently don’t go to the places that serve non veg. that’s why they go to vegetarian only restaurants.

In Mumbai there is a huge market for veg only places and the same is replicated across India. Veg only is a big thing that is extremely important to the vegetarians. Such risks are something they are not happy taking. So now when I look at them and wonder and ask them – why… I know the answer. It’s a question of risk which is unacceptable. Like I was explaining to my friends in office. Its ok to get this once in a while. I go to non veg joints and order veg food. I get the pleasure of eating at different places. In all these years it’s only normal and very very statistically probable that I would get one instance of non veg in error. The world doesn’t work with six sigma efficiency, which also allows of 3.4 defects per million. And with India having 1.3 billion people and also many trying to be vegetarian and a subset of them eating veg at non veg places, the odds are that you will get prawns in your lifetime. Now that I got it and the waiter and the manager as well the cook skipped a heartbeat, they will be more careful the next time – the follow up odds of them screwing up are lesser and then will have to wait for one more million people to eat from their hands for another 3.4 errros to creep in – that is if they are at 6 sigma.

If they are working at less then, more will happen. So why get angry at them. They were only trying to do their job. Possibly the cook needs glasses and is not rich enough or educated enough to get them. Possibly the waiter should be trained for checking the food against the order. Possibly the manager must make checklist of the food every time. The management must constantly train for this and every time this happens a root cause analysis must be done and the process must be fixed. Possibly all of this must happen and I am 100% sure that none of this happens and yet I eat… continue to eat here. And hence IT IS ME WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE CONSEQUENCES. Why should I then scold the guy? Why?

what we align to

Religion is always an interesting subject. I have had a lot of time to think about this. It is a contentious topic. And if you have followed the blog in past years you would have realized that I have recently turned a complete atheist. But it difficult for me to completely be a 100% atheist as I grew up fairly religious and I can’t say that I have had a life untested by faith. Jispa is unique in that way is that she is going to grow up untested till she decides from her own free will to test faith.

By questioning religion openly I am sure I will rub a lot of people the wrong way. It is not the right thing to do in parties, conversations and discussions. People see atheists as anarchists that are dangerous. If you add the ability to have a cool well thought of and articulate debate to this, you have a really potent and combustible mixture. In India for sure, we don’t have this ability in a lot of people. We see faith as omnipresent and absence of which as unhuman. And if I don’t see you as human, possibly then the rights of mankind don’t apply in dealing with you and hence… I know, this is dramatic but this is in many ways a reaction that is immediate and predictable (predictably irrational) and is something I have seen again and again. But I can understand this. Religion is much more to others than what I see it for.

Ever since I have started questioning my faith, I have started questioning (or pondering about) the need for faith. It’s easy to say that faith is a useless emotion that pervades the mind of the weak. Even if I take that stand it is not correct for me to think of the same for people who have started religion. There is knowledge, philosophy and life lessons in religion. That cannot be discounted. Those who have founded religions or even set the path for propagating it are extremely intelligent and enlightened beings. Some who benefit from it are also smart and extremely manipulative people. So it is not a kingdom of foolishness founded by fools. There is some truth and merit in the institution of religion which must be seen and the surface scratched to gleam some insight.

After much thought I have come to this world view for now - Religion in my view now is not about God and his ability to run you but is about the ability for civil society to organize itself around a set of shared values. Wow that sounds pretty deep. Even I am impressed by own analysis. I think a lot of intellectuals in the past tried their hand at creating a civil society. They must have realized that society can only work in harmony if there are a bunch of rules coded that everyone follows. Rules can be enforced to a limit. There are so many invisible rules that work as a general understanding as opposed to an enforced by rule of law. Being kind and benevolent can only be a general understanding not enforced by law.

SO the elder would have figured that this order to be maintained has to be in a manner that is ingrained from birth. A simple set of guidelines duly imbibed in the population. These guidelines have be met even when no one is looking or in a situation where no one can prove ones act of moral departure. These rules can work only when they are enforced by a centrail all knowing allpowerful, omnipresent authority – GOD. He who can see all that no one can, he who instills fear into your hearts when you do wrong, he who has the power to forgive you or the power over your destiny. It can only be enforced by HIM. That’s why even forms of religion that don’t really have a central God, like Jainism or Buddhism, the central characters are given the status of Gods opposed to what they really are – enlightened humans who have searched and found truth for living harmoniously.

We take them and start praying to them as opposed to following their path and teachings and looking inward. We are scared of what is not known to us and hence we pray for a force to redeem us. Much like eth small pox goddess which was in favor till we found and eliminated the virus. Religion I think was therefore invented to create a moral fabric that binds people even when they are dark to everyone around. This moral fabric is important for civil society to function properly. It allows for people to trust each other – you often see people helping other people of a similar cast / religion etc. People may not donate normally but are happy to give copious sums of money for religious reasons.

So religion is important, or should I say was important when it started. It created a set of shared values and an ecosystem that was necessary for trust and society to flourish. It created a culture. In today’s day and age, is it required? Can democracy, a vibrant media, an era of information sharing, do we need religion? I don’t know. If we realize that society requires people to be together, celebrate together. Play together, would we need religion? Corporate houses don’t require religion o bind and hence they create a culture and they have various events around which the employees congregate and share their lives. These shared lives are a type of religion. Only difference is that in religion you are born into it and you can really get out. The others are indoctrinated into it and then it becomes a cult.

But why am I talking this religious mumbo jumbo? Over the last weekend we went to this place near Ahmednagar called Meherabad. My brother and his wife are believers and have a couple of bunglows there and spend a lot of time there. I am ok with that except when it comes to going to the Samidhi and the taking into many teachings from there. Nothing I saw there as Meher baba’s teachings are something that I can find fault with. It seemed to be simple and straight forward and it seemed to foster brotherhood. But I saw people believing in him as an avatar (he called himself that as well, I am led to believe). It made no sense to me as if I don’t believe in God then his avatar seems even more ridiculous. We quietly ignored that bit. As a family they took us to the Samadhi and we just went along. I was too polite to get in to acts of rebellion or debate. We played along. We went to the Samadhi (I think where his last rites were held) and folded hands.

I had a chance to talk to Jispa there as well. She too was polite. She and I looked at each other knowing, we don’t believe and that we don’t really approve of this. I was telling her that she is lucky to have a life untested by faith and that is something I can never have.

I often wonder if religion is a necessity that I have deprived a child of or have I given her something greater. The ability to choose to have a moral principle or like I tell anyone – I don’t discuss morals with anyone. I don’t want to create, impose or advise people to have moral principles. You have your own, I have my own. They are personal. Just because I am Jain does not mean I will not eat onions. My reasons to be vegetarian are not because of my religion but choice. Same is for anyone around me. I rather focus on logic and the ability to live harmoniously for everyone’s benefit and whatever it takes for it is good. This too is selfish as a set of shared principles are good for the society at large.

That’s why I was telling that I am happy that festivals are celebrated in the building. It creates a common code for meeting and binding people. It’s like a cricket match as well. Same principles ally.  That’s why politicians promote sport and so do corporates. Bind over shared systems. In a hyper connected environment millions of loose connections will replace strongly held connections like religions or family ties. Religions will find themselves out of favor soon enough in any case. It will be interesting to see their reduction of preeminence. It will be replaced by loyalties to cities (sport teams in leagues – see), nations, hobbies (photography, dancing, exercise) and stuff like that.

The faster we see this the better it will be for us, after all a binding that is fun and chosen into as opposed to be born into will always be better and more connected. A well-crafted secular constitution with broad set of rules and leaves everything else to imagination will replace religious texts for framing our behavioral paradigms. This is my vison for the future but of course, it will have to fight a history of religion, hatred, brotherhood, family ties etc. So all the sporting leagues that use cities as a base are actually slowly denting the strangle hold of religion and giving people greater causes to bind themselves with. For the hell of me, I have never understood why we want to watch the matches of the cities we live in and support – we should be watching the sport for the love of it. But then….

notes from China

I have had an awesome run as far as tech is concerned in the last couple of months. Last month I was in San Fransico meeting all the tech firms and last week, I had a chance to be in China, meeting the tech firms there. I read somewhere that the startups try and get distribution before the big firms get innovation. It’s an interesting run. A tight fight where everyone is trying to outrun each other.

China is especially fun on the world circuit. It has a closed start up tech eco system as most the world biggies are not allowed to operate there. This is because the government wants data and insights into their citizen’s online behavior and the firms from the valley refuse to toe the line. So home grown startups that blatantly copy the startups from the west have sprung up and are dominating the ecosystem. But to simply paint them all with one brush is the wrong thing. Two of them are innovating and are leading the world in their own fields. One is the chat platform WeChat and the other is the ecommerce platform Alibaba. Both are now moving into fintech and are using data to understand consumers and then using it for lending operations. This is now very interesting and dangerous territory. WeChat through WePay wants to lead in the high frequency payment ecosystem like food, taxis, groceries etc. Alibaba counterpart is AliPay following everywhere and online. Both premises are simple – one pushes through the chat interface and allows for people to use chat for commerce and transactions. The other creates an ecommerce platform and sees where it can extend its wallet services to. The world is watching what the real deal will be. Will payments be won by chat or by ecom. Payments is the main stay of the new economy. Banks for long have dominated income and investments and used that as a data point to give credit. These wallet companies have side stepped this and said that people spend more than they invest. Day to day spending and online behavior may be a better indicator of propensity to repay credit than anything else. All sorts of data can now be used to understand the consumer better. Now big data starts playing a huge role.

Any and every data set will be used and leveraged for creating credit persona and score. This is very exciting. Both chat and ecommerce are sitting on a gold mine of data. Appreciably this data is lethal. A simple case can be that people who buy kiddie stuff or chat with other people with high credit scores are less likely to default than others. Alibaba also is understanding the merchandise sold by the merchants and their ability to sell their wares. This is creating a credit score on which Alibaba can offer credit to their merchants at a better rate and velocity than the banks. With high amount of data and online mode of delivery these new players can potentially disrupt the finance space at low operating costs and create a crazy disruption that traditional banks haven’t seen. And they are ahead of regulation. They innovate and regulation tries catching up with them. Alibaba started shifting money lying idle in the wallet to a money market mutual fund and overnight became one of the biggest mutual funds on the planet. They could now give 6% returns where previously the consumers were getting only .5% at their local bank. Huge monies shifted in till the government limited the amount of money you can keep in a wallet.

One big lesson that I learnt is that never underestimate the power of the old lender. I visited these places with my boss and his boss. Both of whom have built their lives giving loans in the credit business. At first we heard that the bad debts are only at 1%. Which is a phenomenal number. That’s lower than anything else. My only concern was that this belies the fact that the small amounts that these people lend, makes collections impossible. The cost of collection is still far higher than anything else. My boss had another point. He explained to me that in a fast growing credit market like China (this is a two year phenomena) bad debts will always be low. Because you are constantly giving away larger and large amounts of loans so your denominator is increasing like crazy. It takes a little time for the loans to go bad and in that time your fresh loans hit the book and the numerator which is the bad loan number looks bad. This is great till you are constantly growing. The denominator keeps looking bigger and the ratio looks good. But what we don’t see is two things – infant delinquency and bad debts via aging of the book. Infant delinquency is simple – how fast do the loans go bad. If loans go bad after a couple of years of good payments, then you can blame the macroeconomic environment. But if they are getting bad closer to the time you lent them, then you are talking about faulty process in credit appraisal. The other one is an extension of the first, it’s about understanding each month of credit. You have to analyze not the entire book but each month of loan given as they age. You will then get a sense of the looming danger. So at a book level 1% looks good, but most of that is from the start of the book then as time wears on, slowly the old book will also start defaulting and stress starts on the whole book.

This simple math helped me understand the credit business and the ability to look at credit from a different perspective. So while I went into China dazzled by their stupendous success in credit, I came back quite skeptical of the whole system. They have lent billions of dollars in easy credit and they just could be sitting on a bubble. Something amiss is happening in China and this could be just another subprime crisis of the east.

I have been critical of the startups in FinTech. They are started by a bunch of kids who haven’t seen credit cycles and believe that black swans don’t exist. All are looking for innovative ways to lose money faster. Yes data is now abundant and there is serious analytics that can be brought to the table but I always had a serious healthy respect for people who understand credit. I think the firm that I work in has built itself by precisely understanding this – risk. It understood that in finance, return of capital is far greater than return on capital. Credit follows cycles and when you outlive cycles you see growth and prosperity. Sometimes the simplest rule of growth is survival.

On another note, I had the chance to visit the Nanjing Massacre Memorial, while I had a couple of hours free. It was seriously the best designed memorial / museum that I had been to. As a marketer I see every ad and think – what was the brief, what was the desired consumer response, who is the ad meant for and what is the objective / problem to be addressed? When I saw the Memorial, I was in love with the architecture / design of the place. The entire memorial was designed to a specific brief (my reading) - “Bring alive the horrors inflicted on the Chinese race by a brutal aggressor, in a way that we will never forget.”

Bring alive is an important part of the brief. After their defeat the Japanese destroyed a large part of their war records so that it could never be sued against them. Many disputed that these massacres ever occurred and if at all, the Japanese dispute that the death toll was high as three hundred thousand.

The Architect was clear in his design. At first he designed the entire monument in black and grey. Outside the memorial are status designed to evoke a sense of empathy towards the horrors inflicted. They refer to the enemy as the devil which came, tortured the citizens, killed children, did not spare the old and raped the women. The word Devils is used again and again. The place has landscaping done in a desolate grey with stone pebbles used instead of grass for any landscaping. You fell the solemnness of the grey all over at the entrance. You enter the building and you go down – two floors. As you go down the first thing you see alongside the steps are the rows of folders marked with the alphabets. I don’t know for sure, but it felt like this was the catalogue of all the people who died at Nanjing. They had arranged it like a library with a ladder as well in case someone wanted to climb up and seek a particular folder from eth catalogue. Of course no one would cross over and pick up a book, but the recreation was thus. In many ways the first thing the curator wanted was to tell you, that is a work of research and not simple baseless propaganda. Once you understand that you are ready for the next exhibit.

All the while you go underground, light fades away and blackness takes over. The lights are dimed out and there are grey walls, black floors and ceiling. The lights are focused only where you want the audience to see and only enough to see the exhibit and nothing more. You enter into a large hall with the letters 300000 etched on a stone emphasizing that this large number is the victim count. On both sides of the door as you enter are color pictures of people who lived till the opening of the memorial from the Nanjing massacre. Eyewitnesses who lived to tell us of what transpired. Then the walls are filled with sepia photos of people who died and in the middle stone blocks taken from the scene of the massacres as a silent testimony of the truth that they could tell, if only!

Now that it is proved as a scholarly work and a number is etched in your brain, you are ready for the museum, which talks about the incident. Photos from Japan of the cabinet meetings where they discussed the invasion of China and the advance of the Japanese. They had exhibits of the Japanese uniform, extensive photos, articles etc. All beautifully arranged and explained in Chinese and English. They had the exhibits in audio video as well with movies played in loop with victims explaining in graphic detail how they were tortured, dismembered and what they saw. Every tool available is used well. They recreated the destroyed cities on a life scale. After a few halls that you pass through you are now ready for the big bang. I walked in a little more and saw that there was a gallery like structure created where you can lean on and see what was there under your feet. Like a massive open hole in the ground to show you the ground on which the memorial was built. There – numbered on the ground were skeletons exposed as they were stuck to the ground. It hits you that you were above a massive graveyard where the bodies were dumped after being massacred. Some were even dumped alive (as claimed).

Oh dear. That hits you. You are now suitably numb as the museum unfold for the next one to two hours and they keep at it. You exit from one building to be lead into another. You still see grey with some small smatterings of grass grown strategically in patches. Next build is an even larger uncovered dumping site with more exposed skeletons. They haven’t spared the dignity of the dead in order to show case the brutality. I don’t know how important it is to expose this in reality to the people visiting.

You at the end exit into sunlight with a small exhibition on peace and a massive white statue of a lady releasing dove in the open. One small gesture just to show that the objective of the memorial is peace and not to incite wounds. Bull shit. I am no Chinese but even I feel angry at the incidents and at the absolute horror inflicted by the Japanese. I release what the Chinese are meant to feel after they visit the museum. I realize now why at the start of the museum, there are flower and flag sellers. It is a monument to Nationalism. That a weak nation will be at the mercy of the brutality of a stronger nation. Fewer Japanese in number attacked and brought about misery to a larger population, something that was explained at the start of the memorial itself.

The memorial is not peace but for solidarity and for the promotion of a united front against a stronger adversary. I felt no peace after the end. I felt no feeling of the futility of war but a seething anger against a brutal oppressor. It was not a neutral version of history, devoid of emotion but a clear retelling of the Chinese side.

That is the magic of the architect and a curator sticking to a brief. A single minded brief - “Bring alive the horrors inflicted on the Chinese race by a brutal aggressor, in a way that we will never forget.”

I felt completely overwhelmed. Any design, architecture, advertising student must see this for themselves to understand how design can play with your emotions and feelings. This is propaganda at its best. The highest level. Propaganda is best when you don’t know you are being sold to but you are sucked inside by a vortex devoid of rhetoric.

And yes – the memorial doesn’t have an entry fee.