move on

‘We never had it this easy’ the dreaded 6 words strung together in a highly prejudiced sentence invariably followed by the slightly haughty ‘we had it much tougher than you’. All parents have remarked the same in many ways. Some in anger, some in nostalgia some merely reminiscing
Ever successive generation would have things given to them on a platter, things that the previous generation struggled for, never got and in many cases never imagined. My grandfather cycled his way from one village to another to get schooled and he came all the way to Mumbai to get his doctors degree. I am sure he faced far more hardships getting to an education compared to what Jispa is facing. Seeing her schooling I feel she is sleeping on a bad of roses. We had 52-55 kids in a class, compared to her 32. That’s just the starting point.
One of the biggest ones I keep telling young kids is the brilliance of the internet. I got through school, college and horror of horrors, B school, without the fun of the internet. How on earth we did our research? How did we submit all those reports? Did we type all them? Actually type them? The biggest achievement was getting through B school without CCP… cut copy paste. We did projects the good old way. Once the projects were announced we would run to the library and try and get in line to get the books issued. There were a limited set of books there and only the fastest five to hit the library would get their hands on them. Then you read them, makes notes on another paper, write down the page numbers separately, Xerox the correct pages and distribute them among your team. Then we start making the report. Two of us would book the computer room time and one would dictate and the other would type. We barely knew how the QWERTY keyboard and we slowly managed to finish the project. Then at the end make a presentation. That too was done on over head transparency projector (OHP). What is that? It’s as below. You write on a thin clear sheet of plastic (called acetates) with OHP markers. Then you cover the points that you want hidden by a piece of a paper and slowly display them one at a time. Oh those were the days! :)
But the nostalgia trip was sparked out by an interesting happening. Jispa was down with typhoid till last week. As a part of her inoculations she had got her typhoid shots when she was much younger. Hence the typhoid she got was much milder than normal. This is similar to the chicken pox she had. A much milder outbreak. At first I couldn’t believe its typhoid. Just a not so high fever and headache. I was sure its flu and so was the doctor. Only when the fever relapsed on reducing medication did we go for the medical test which showed a minor hit of typhoid. The anti biotic course kicked in and she was fever free instantly. But she had to be at home for a week to rest. She started school this Monday.
At the end of it I was like – that’s it? that’s all she got for typhoid? Just fever! I remember vomiting my guts out when I got it. Very high fever, couldn’t eat anything, nothing stayed in the stomach too long. I remember Sleeping with a bucket next to me so that I could instantly throw up and not dirty everything on the way to the bathroom. Eesh. My stomach would hurt, my head would hurt, and the fever would give me horrible horrible dreams. Oh it was one long night mare. My blood test had come out a little complicated and we had to call in a specialist who in those days came in wearing a blazer. Hah! Twenty years ago he charged 500 bucks to come home and diagnose it and he put me on an antibiotic which was relatively new – Cifran 500. Yes, I remember the name very clearly. The medicine was something like ciprofloxacin, if I got that right. That was also expensive and my parents wondered if they should administer such a new tough and harsh antibiotic to me. Also I remember the thing that was scaring people – ‘dombivili fever’ which was similar to the typhoid thing. So I got administered the drug and I made a slow painful recovery.
I am glad that Jispa did not have to go through what I did. There has to be some benefit to progress. I am glad for her, and I am glad for us. Parents go through shit when child is unwell and more so when the child is younger. It’s impossible to do anything or understand much. Though Jispa normally has been much better and articulate about where its hurting, exactly what’s happening but still as a parent it feels so helpless to merely look on and wait for the medicine to kick in.
It is a growth process for all of us. We all come out stronger and smarter. I hope. Amen.

bonding over hot water

I just love doing things with Jispa that I might have done with my dad. There is lovely warm feeling left within when something like that happens. It is a moment that reminds me of the joy childhood and fills me with eth warmth of parenthood. Eela, too much poetry; but the feeling is unbeatable. Two completely opposite but equally warm and fuzzy feelings, together at a point in time.
On Saturday after the match, in the evening the soles of my feet were aching. I remembered the remedy my dad used to try out. We were in Dubai at the time. My dad was a civil engineer and that meant long hours standing at the site. Either it was that or it was plain old window shopping for hours. But his feet used to ache and the remedy was dipping your legs in a bucket of hot water mixed with salt. My dad used to dip his legs and we kids used to fight to dip our legs as well. He used to get the very hot water and afterwards we got the not so hot water. But that was all we could bear. It was pretty cool fun.
This I got out my hot tub and mixed a bit of salt along with it. Jispa was wondering what I was doing. I explained to her the remedy. Predictably she wanted to get into the action as well. The tub was big enough for the both of us.
Quality time is sitting opposite each other and dipping your legs in a bucket full of hot water. Don’t forget the salt.

the joke's on me

Some website I was reading has a link to a paper titled ‘The Attributes and Attribute-Consequences of Great College Teachers’. You can read the paper here.

But the short abstract of the same is as below:

"In personal interviews and questionnaires, students describe great college teachers as those who are dynamic lecturers, clear communicators, and make sincere efforts to relay their concern for students and student learning. Driving these preferences is students' desire to commit to class, improve class focus, and learn the material."

It sounds very right and I whole heartedly agree to this. It seems quite close to what I believe in. Its puts the teacher and the student together in a combined mission.

The only thing was I did not really understand the Dynamic lecturer part. What exactly does that entail? Reading further I got this laundry list of attributes that describe ‘A DYNAMIC LECTURER’. I miss the tone when I write this stuff. Imagine King Julian from Madagascar saying – a dynamic lecturer… did you get it? google King Julian, youtube him. Especially the dialogues in part 2.

Forget it… just read the attributes here for a dynamic lecturer (that tone again)


Gives an interesting and entertaining presentation
Provides good examples in class (1)
Provides good examples in class, real life and timely (2)
Lectures are relevant and interesting (5)
Make the class interesting by doing something other than lecturing all the time (6)
Fun; Descriptive; explaining why they are doing things in class; motivating the subject matter (7)
Witty / funny (8)
Tries to keep students entertained during lectures (10)
Relate to students, give personal examples of themselves (11)
Goes in depth to explain things in their lecture (11)
Relate the class material to stuff you're familiar with (13)
Have a dynamic presentation style; not monotone (13)
Entertaining, keep the students attention (14)
Apply the information to things that students are familiar with (14)
Entertaining, funny (15)
Entertaining, not monotone; keep students' attention (16)
Enthusiasm; presenting their information with a good personality and sense of humor (17)
Ability to lead and control the class (19)
Sense of humor; entertaining (19)
Funny, light-hearted personality (21)
Interaction with the class / Entertaining (23)
Give interesting presentations; activities, personal stories, etc (27)
Not monotone in their presentation (27)
Entertaining; tell jokes and stories (29)
Keeps the lecture relevant and appropriate (31)
Good flow in their lecture; don't jump around (32)
Keep the attention of the class; funny; entertaining (33)
Sociable; talk about other things besides material; relate subject to students (33)
Good personality; entertaining enough to keep students attention (35)
Keep the class's attention; entertaining (37)
Have voice fluctuation, not monotone (39)
Humorous (39)
Keep the mood light; not serious all the time (42)
Sense of humor; connects with their students (44)

If you read carefully, actually even if you read not so carefully, you will relaise that – the students don’t need a professor, they need a FU&*$NG joker. No wonder I seem to be doing decently well with the students.

While on the topic of jokers, I couldnt but help humming this really old song. What you have been exposed to in your early impressionable years is what stays with you till much later. complete irrefutable proof as below.

the heat was on

In the evening on Friday, Jasmine and I were making plans for the Saturday. Later at the party which we finally went for, I got a call from the company cricket captain. We have a match tomorrow and we need you. Great. A quick permission from my wife and I am on. I told my wife that this will be a full day match unlike the twenty over ones we normally play for half a day. This was the real thing 35 overs a side. My looked at me with.. with a look that said – you are crazy. I love these long matches. Nowadays the only reason I get called to matches is when we don’t have enough players to complete the eleven. My calling card, good safe fielder, can swing it in the end if the match is tight and can bat out long hours in long matches if the team is out early; and no faltu attitude. That’s it. My entire reason for loving the long matches is also pretty simple. I will definitely get batting. The team is invariably inside in about 25 overs. That’s when I walk in with around two three wickets to go and tons of overs to play for. Last year this was 45 over match, which I got to bat for 20 overs.
The only issue with these matches is that this is the RBI shield which is conducted in the most oppressive month in Mumbai. May. The temperature is generally in excess of 35 degrees and the humidity is easily greater than 75%. The sun shines down hard and there very little cloud cover. It’s really really oppressive.
Immediately as I cut the phone I told jasmine, “its time to start drinking water”. The ritual is clear. I start drinking water from the evening before. The wake up next day. Have my shredded wheat with fruit and milk. That is the best bet and has worked so far. Then have some more water. Then some fruit on the drive to the ground. Then some more water. Then some stretching, some knocks, come catching, then lots more water. And then some more water. Then on to the field. A last swig of the bottle before you go. Try and get in some sugar and salt in the water. This time I mixed salt with the tang in my bottle. Then drink at every opportunity.
I was fielding in the deep this time. The best part about Mumbai cricket is that the density of matches is very high. Sure you risk getting hit by a ball from another match, but the flip side is that there is always some action always going on. Every second there is a ball being bowled. Where I was fielding I was following two matches in addition to my own. I also took a few swigs of water from the other match drinks break. No one says no for a water sip. Everyone will be asking each other, ‘which match are you playing’. Its good fun. It makes fielding in the deep a lot more interesting. There is enough variety and intensity going around.
And it surely helps on a really hot day. From the ground at cross maidan, where we were playing, I absolutely love the sight of Rajabhai towers. I keep looking at that to know the time. The drinks break come every one hour. I know how much I need to go before I get another drink. Also this time around I practised some breathing along with stretches on the ground. Normally we merely stretch but thanks to yoga, I learnt how to breathe while stretching. That really helps improving concentration and stability. In one of the drinks break I reckoned that I was far off enough from the umpire, enough to flick one bottle and keep it in my pocket during the last one hour. The Mumbai umpires can get notoriously finicky. Some are sweet and some irritating. Some won’t allow spikes on the pitch; some disallow leg byes saying no shot offered, some give leg befores just because you were rude. Anything goes. Once one umpire held up the game and asked me to tuck my t shirt in my tracks. Really. They can go too far at times. You have to ask permission to pee during the drinks break. The dam urinals aren’t there and the pee point is the periphery of the ground. You just need a wall and you can let go. It always two steps away from your deep fielding position in any case. But you still have to ask. So I wasn’t taking chances. I knew he won’t allow the bottle on the field so I hid the bottle and kept taking swigs from it.
The heat started rising. The ground gets hot. You are out standing for more than two hours now. The heat starts emanating from the ground as well. You can pour water on your head and t shirt and that too won’t really help. You just hope to sweat enough to keep the body cool. Wind is never a big factor at these grounds. A few gusts here and there.
At the end of the first innings (we fielded) we gathered together. I was a little slow into the huddle. I got in as the captain was screaming. He was pissed at the fielding and the fitness. I knew its got nothing to do with me. I had a 100% track record this match. A lot of balls came to my side which I managed well and saved quite a few runs. He was talking about some of the younger guys. Some of whom complained of nausea. Hahahha. The last batsman after the innings was sitting in the middle of the ground and trying to puke out. There was nothing come out of his mouth. He obviously had an empty stomach and his body was retching air. I gleefully ran into the huddle with my spirits high. The water drinking binge was an old secret. That’s the only way to go.
My team was collapsing under the heat. I offered to get the lunch for them. You relax, I am fir enough. Some of the younger guys were in complete awe. Jasmine called to figure how I was faring. I was gleefully happy ‘I have won. I am the oldest but I have the highest energy left on the field’.
But this only the first instalment. The second started when it was our turn to bat. Now it was one o clock. The sun was even more oppressive. I was roaming around in my shorts trying to remain cool. The breeze dropped, the heat rose and the place was a furnace. Sure enough at around the 25th over I got sent in to bat. The match was lost. We needed too many runs and had no wickets in hand. The instructions to me were clear. Make the other team field for the full 35 overs. We will not be all out. Soon my head was throbbing. The electral solution I had some time back was trying to make its way out. Every ball required me to bring my concentration to the ball and play it. there was no way in hell I was going to get out.
The wicket keeper was crying out ‘reham, reham’ which basically meant, g
Have some pity on us and get out. Haha. That merely spurred me on. Some sledging followed. That was even more fun. Then we ran a few hard runs, just to irritate the fielding team. This was to make them run harder for the ball. A soft fielding approach meant one more run for us. The at last at the 34th over I decided to smash a few. Little energy left for that though. I shot sailed into the wall for a six over mid wicket, the next safely ensconced itself into the fielder right there. End of a marathon effort.
I then washed a bit and changed and directly headed for the pool at my gymkhana. My body was so warmed up, that I am sure it might have been a few degrees hotter than normal. I walk out with my costume on and I started shivering in the open. As I hit the water I can barely control my shiver. I still manage to swim a few laps and then shower and change.
To my surprise I recovered well towards the evening. Normally sunstroke requires a crocin and an hour of sleep at least. This time the sheer will power to keep forcing water down my throat helped. The realisation of nutrition in sports is so important. You eat wrong, you drink wrong and you will suffer on the field. Fitness is one thing, nutrition is completely another. This all is only possible to whatever level thanks to me understanding a bit of need for correct food and drink. I was a little lazy for lunch and I had a biryani and I think I suffered a bit thanks to that. I will to figure that piece as well. I assumed rice was good but it comes gift wrapped in a lot of other stuff. One can only get smarter.
I have no idea why I do this shit. I guess it’s just a point that I need to prove myself. I am still fit and I can still give the youngsters a run for their money. If I can tell others to bear the heat, then I must be able to bear it myself. At least now I can advise without being guilty of living in an ivory tower. So next time Jispa says it was too hot I can give her a story on what hot actually is. Running for no reason on a hot day with your cricket gear on is pushing the limits of sanity.
In the evening I was telling Jispa how I played in the hot sun, whole day. She was like ‘you played cricket whole day! That too with your gloves and everything on! I to want to remove your gloves in one second when I try them at home with the fan on’. For that one second I think, I repeat I think, I was a hero in her eyes. That was well worth every moment.

PS: Sanity did prevail in the household, as an average. Jasmine was alone as Jispa was also at Dadi’s house. She used the Saturday to sleep right through, in the cool confines of the house. Lucky woman.

steal from the world (and not a stone)

There was this party organised by Jasmine’s uncle. It was supposed to be a social get together with all of Jasmine’s relatives etc. We knew about this since some time and knew we hadn’t received the invite. Jasmine’s sister in law kept asking if we had received the invite. Jasmine and I are pretty unsociable characters. We don’t like to go to too many social dos or marriages or functions. We just avoid in the hope that we will slowly become outcastes.
The sweet uncle in all probability forgot about the invite. We are really not the types to count it as a snub. Honestly we don’t really care too much. It does not change equations at all for us. Where’s the harm, when you are ultimate goal is social exclusion.
Me especially; I hate taking calls as well as making small talk with all the relatives. That’s why most the time I am busy playing with the tiny tots. I don’t connect and it probably is felt by the others. Most of the time I am so bored. Of course in wedding the saving grace is the atrocious embroidery, colors and hairstyles worn by the close relatives. Those are many times worth going miles to see. I think Jasmine’s cousins are worse than mine in this regard. But of late I haven’t had too much opportunity for comparisons. I hardly get invited by any of my relatives. Also the source has dried up. The second generation is now coming of age and now on we might have reason to be called as they start getting hitched one by one. Till then it’s relax time.
On Saturday mid way into the party, her uncle calls up and apologises to Jasmine and me for the faux pas. No problem uncle, it really does not matter. We are comfortable. We still love and respect you. But then he insisted that we come. Ok ok. Now I was tired from office and we had to go to my mom’s house as well. But then if we then do not go that would mean that we would count not being invited as a snub. If Jasmine went without me then it would mean that I counted that as a snub. Oops. So we both went for the function and then went to mommy’s house.
The sweet uncle for all apologetic at the function. I told him it’s ok, don’t bother. Shit happens. I am glad that both Jasmine and I don’t really care about it. We like to keep our egos in close check. There are so many mistakes we make in the course of our lives as social creatures. Lots of energy and time is devoted to ensure that egos are placated and crazy rituals are involved to ensure everything, from who sits where and who eats when. It’s stupid. The last thing I would want is to accentuate it by feeling ill will over something I don’t even want to get into. Got invited… great. Did not get invited… greater. They forgot you existed… greatest. I think in ninth or tenth standard I read a poen in school which had these lines to close the poem. “Steal from the world, and not a stone tell where I lie”. Google search mind refresher – the poem was by Alexander Pope.

Hey I just read the whole poem again. It’s pretty inspirational. I had forgotten the words. But is so clearly remember the class in which it was taught. I think one the best things that happened in those days was that the school principal Fr Adolf, came to teach poetry in class. He only took the poetry lessons. The principal is not normally expected to teach and his predecessors hadn’t taught us anything. But the fact that the principal took one poetry class every week for us, signified the importance of poetry, at least in my head. He came in and dicussed a poetry from the book. He used to allow us, rather encourage us to think. We were a boy’s school and the only person we really feared was the princy. And this princy was feared as he was a bit authoritarian, came in and taught poetry. Opposites reconciling? It is from him that I learnt to throw chocolates in class for good answers. He threw éclairs and melody chocolates to kids giving answers. I still use that as an effective strategy when I teach for encouraging people to think and students after many years still remember that and tell me that they really tried their best to get a chocolate in my class. And these are ‘hard nosed and bored’ college students, no less.
This poem was taught to us by this princy. I had a difference in the understanding on the last lines. I read it as the poet wanting not to steal even a stone from the world and was challenging the world to prove if he ever lied. The sweet princy heard me, thought through, agreed and then explained the right interpretation. Not once did he say I was wrong. In fact I remember his argument as if it was yesterday. He said ‘I would have agreed with you if not for the comma put before the and in the line. If the comma came after the word – stone, then your interpretation might hold good, but now if you pause at world and the word ‘and’ comes there, it almost like starting a new sentence with ‘not a stone…’; and hence the conventional and straightforward explanations.

Here, read the entire poem. I don’t know if I really liked it then. But I seem to like it now. Probably it resonates better with my current being.

Ode on Solitude

How happy he, who free from care
The rage of courts, and noise of towns;
Contented breathes his native air,
In his own grounds.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.

Blest! who can unconcern'dly find
Hours, days, and years slide swift away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix'd; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unheard, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

-- Alexander Pope

home alone

I am such a family man. Yesterday I was to reach home and fend for myself. My wife and kid were at a party where we men weren’t invited. Some kids birthday. So Jasmine offered to cook me dinner. I refused. According to her I just need an excuse to eat out but the truth is that I hate to eat alone. I went to the theatre complex next to home and browsed around Crossword for a good book and ordered a noodle dish at Zenzibu. But I was so depressed and lost, all alone.
I hate it. Even while travelling on work, at the hotels, in the evening it is so boring and alone. Eating dinner alone is a punishment for me. I try and delay it as far as possible. Try and order something in the room itself and eat silently, watching TV. Staying at the five stars adds to the solitude. They are in such sterile environments and there is no one at eth front office that you can really chat up with. In the good old days at Balsara, I had a 30 day travel plan. So I ended up going to the same places over and over again. Those were the really cheap sales hotels. How cheap? The most expensive room was 280 bucks a night and the cheapest was at 80 bucks a night. No I did not miss a zero there. And the most expensive room I ever stayed in, ever. 15,000 a night at Delhi Taj. But hold on, I think the Geneva room I stayed in was even more expensive. But now I am diagressing. What was the point I was making?
Yup, the cheap hotels in Blasara. They were pretty nice places. You sometimes catch TV in the hotel lobby. You meet other sales guys from other companies. There is some action happening. People talking. The owner talking and giving some gyan. Its good fun. Those days in the evening there was a line for people wanting to talk at the STD booth. That was fun. Waiting for 20 minutes to talk for 10.
The five stars have none of this camaraderie. I remember my days at my favourite hotel at Baroda, Junagadh, Ahmedabad. Also these hotels were bang in the heart of the city and I loved going out for a walk around. Getting outside the 5 stars is a walk by itself. The cheap hotels are merely a building that adds to the commotion on the street.
Then also I hated to be alone and I hated having dinner alone. Yesterday somehow I remembered those days. The only small difference was that 12 years back I also had to see my budget and figure what / where to eat. Now I don’t really need to look at the right hand side of the menu anymore.
Luckily half way through my chow mein, jasmine came in and I felt at ease. I think it’s easier to spend the day all alone at home but in the evenings, I so hate it. I can empathise with Jasmine when I am on a travel plan and she has to be home alone. or even when I am working till late. But at least now she has Jispa with her. All alone… I can’t handle it.
Earlier days when we stayed with mom, Jasmine used to go to her mom’s home to stay for a few days in a year. I used to find it impossible to sleep early alone. I would watch TV till my eyes closed and then hit the bed. The house just does not feel nice without people in it. I hate it and hence this time I refused to go home in the evening to get an empty house. Sometimes I feel I am such a baby.

tummy trouble

Yesterday night Jispa woke us up, as she had a really bad stomach ache. We were wondering what the issue was. She was really in pain. We thought at first it would go away, then we though it was gas. So we gave her something for it. Then we tried the ultimate weapon for gas – heating a little asafoetida (heeng) mixed with water and then putting it on the tummy. It always did wonders for me whenever I had gas. It is instant relief. But this time something else was wrong. It kept on paining. Once the ultimate weapon was done with we realised that this is something else. We called up the paediatrician at 3 am. She asked a bit and then simply recommended a crocin. Its possible thanks to the dal she had. Jispa is recovering from typhoid and her tummy is still not completely all ok.

But sitting there and waiting for the medicines to take effect while she was rolling about in pain is so painful for a parent. Especially at 3 am, when you are not really sure you want to call the doctor before you have exhausted all the likely home remedies. Jispa wouldn’t even let me touch her tummy. She is quite an angry person when she is sleeping and when she is in pain. This time it was both. It is almost as if she turns herself into another avatar. Whenever we have to wake her up mid sleep we let her know it in advance that we will wake you, either early morning or in the middle of her highness’s sleep and that she should not throw a fit. Then she behaves like a dream. All nice and cordial. She is quite a sweet understanding type kid. Just don’t give her surprises in her sleep.

But tummy aches are bad and I have had my fair share. The worst ones I remember were a couple of really nasty aches. Once I had this horrible gas build up for some reason and it just refused to subside. I remember puking the little food that I had just before. It was the humble bourbon biscuit. I did not touch it for another year after that. the pain was so great that I remember feeling the pain till a couple of days afterwards. The doctor I told me that it was because my stomach muscles had gotten tired or something. The other one was the time I had a stone in the urinary tract or something. Oh that was something which was a 7 on the Richter scale. This one happened in the middle of the night. Nothing seemed to work. I even remember removing my laptop and connecting to the internet to figure which side is the dam appendix. All in complete agony. The after effects of that are that I have kept a spasmo proxyvon capsule in my wallet for many years. It is still there. I haven’t had the courage to remove it. I have used only once from there. That too at an event when a lady friend needed it. I used to keep a packet in office and at home and everywhere else. If a stone hits you from inside there is only one thing that can give you relief at the time. Only one.

The crocin worked on Jispa for sometime. She could sleep then. Later in the morning she woke and complained a bit more. I got her by my side and slept by her. Most of the time, both of us need our teddy bears to sleep. She is light and perfect as she slings her hand and leg over you while she sleeps. Absolutely wow. We both slept through the rest of the morning.

For some reason I remember the old woodwords grip water ad. The one is which first the parent says, and then the granny says and then the great ganny says – kay zala/ bal radat hota. Woodwards dyala saang tila, tu lahan astana me tula hech detos. Forgive the marathi. The big wonder of wonders - I can’t seem to find that iconic ad on youtube.

chocolate tale

Whoops I did it again… what? Something ridiculously stupid. I have had the 99% dark chocolate with me for the longest possible time. I have slowly, a tiny piece at a time. Not that I savour it like that but that’s all one can have at once.
The last piece was left today to savour. I had kept it aside when I got the call for lunch from my colleagues. Instead of leaving it around somewhere on the table, I thought I might leave it somewhere I would be able to see it as soon as I am back. I left it on the laptop next to the touchpad. When I came back – the sun was coming through the window on the laptop and I then hit my head. Oh shit. I touched it with fear. Sure enough, my finger went right in. It had melted right on the laptop. Oh god. Ok.. I scooped it up and savoured it one finger at a time. What? I was not going to let my last bit of 99% cocoa go to waste.
Here it is after the first two scoops.
This poor bar lasted me so long and gave me so much happiness and other poor victims so much grief. One new joinee had it and at the time made no visible sign of distaste. Today nearly a month later she explained how vile it was. Hehehe. What to do. Like some Ms India contestant she held her nerve at the time of test and faced discomfort rather than spit it out. Wah wah. One step towards …world peace.

Now to buy some other really dark chocolate and have it bit by bit. I am not sure if I might be ever tempted to buy 99% dark but 85% will taste like a sugar factory.

an old shave

This one is ridiculously funny. I couldn’t believe it. We are separated by miles of earth, completely poles apart as far as culture and origin is concerned. Vago connection – he has an Indian wife I think. But the feeling is bang on. Having a razor handle is an investment I somehow really don’t want to let go of. So I end up having the older razors.
The thing is that I don’t have a tough beard. It’s a pretty soft beard and I hate shaving. I try and shave every third day at best. Sometimes its once a week. I am normally extremely bored to shave. The older I get the lesser I shave. So my blades last me months. Three, four, five, six months. And I don’t normally get cut while shaving. Only when the shave gets a bit rough and I feel a bit burned, would I get out my new blades. I just find it so cool to really extend my blade life.
The same goes for my shaving foams. I can get through one foam can for over a year. I just don’t understand how people use one can a month. I guess they like to shave everyday with a lot of foam and then they shave twice at the same time. Wow. That reminds me of myself at 15.
Also I have never bought a razor handle in my life. I have only used the ones that people gifted to me. I have one that I recently threw that a friend gave me in 1996. That’s 14 years of service. It was a Gillette mach 2. It was complete drool stuff at the time. They weren’t still freely available in India. The friend had got it as a gift from his relative abroad.
The other razor handles were also gifted to me. I upgraded my self to the all new mach three thanks to my well wishers I guess. With a majority of Jasmine’s relatives in US, shaving innovations are on the top of the list of giftables to poor Indians. Now that the realisation has sunk in with them that we are less deprived, the shaving stuff has far reduced. Thanks to that and my miserly usage, I have never bought a foam bottle also my entire life. Hehehe.
The only foam bottle I bought was a small travelling one and that too is now lying in waste as I stopped shaving while travelling. Invariably I come back from a vacation with a stubble.
To overcome my inertia these days I have started shaving while in the shower. I don’t even have to look at the mirror. I just soap the beard a little and take the blade over it. A quick check in the mirror and I am done. No need for an elaborate setting.
So now even my aftershaves are really really old.
As far as the squash ball is concerned – I don’t throw them unless they tear. Dan has got both the examples absolutely bang on.

a little less sleep, a lot more thought

I have been getting all sleepy these days thanks to a little less sleep everyday. The reason - two back to back fantastic books. One I finished was called Logicomix – a graphic novel that traces Bertrand Russel’s quest for the foundation of mathematics. As dense as it sounds, I guess most the book I could not really claim to have understood in depth. Most of it would have been understood in spirit. I basically understood what the premise is and what the large issue was. But I know only enough to know of it and nod enough to speak of it. But that’s also a big thing.
Maths and physics were easily my favourite subjects. Scared stiff by the engineering competitions I choose to take up commerce and reduce all possible future tension. For the next five years at least. Till I figured that it led no where and I did my MBA. That the MBA also went no where is another matter altogether.
So whenever I get my hands on a half decent physics or math book which is written in a manner that a tenth pass can understand then I am completely keen and sold on. Some of my interesting books have been the dead famous series on Newton and Einstein along with the book that is essential the biography of the equation e=mc^2.
Once Logicomix got over, the book I picked was the Singapore story by Lee Kuan Yew. I have been a great admirer of his, especially after I had personally seen for myself the amazing city of Singapore. While there are enough critics but there is no reason to doubt the integrity of the man and the progress of the people.
I have just started the book and it is immediately a compelling read. He talks about his teachers and the effect they have had on his thinking. It made me sit up and think. Have I made a contribution to the kids I have had the chance to teach. As I have grown I have tried to teach what I think the kids really need to imbibe as a mindset. Much more than mere theory.
If I have been able to inculcate a mindset that enables them in the future to attack various situations and be able to keep their thinking clear, then it would have been well worth it. that’s why its always nice to meet old students. Some of them come upto you and tell you what they have learnt from you and how it really helped them. It is the same in office with my subordinates. That is how I guess I must judge myself and act in a manner that best allows this to happen. It’s not a popularity contest wherein the votes count immediately after the display of ‘skill’. This is a slow burn. Years and decades later if someone remembers you for the value you have added to them and not merely helped them at an unfortunate moment, then you have really done your job.
It also set me thinking on education opportunities. Instead of choosing the commerce stream, if I had taken the arts stream and got into the best college with the best teachers might have enjoyed my education better. Arts was for the women and the men who wanted to be near women. I am not so sure if my parents would have been happy to have their son in arts. Especially after my brother’s lost way in the education system. I was my dad’s final hope. He wanted me in science, an engineer perhaps but being principled that he would not influence choice of stream, commerce was still ok. At least I was not threatening to fail a la big bro.
Teachers have the ability to affect the minds of their wards. It’s a pity that they don’t see it as thus. But then at 200 bucks an hour that I get for teaching, I am ok as it’s not my bread and butter. I would be happy to pay. But how can it motivate a genuine talent to make it a profession. With good women now going to corporate life even the last hope of them joining the only “respectable profession” of teaching is fast diminishing. What’s good for the corporate may not be good for the country. But you can’t really do anything about it. The invisible hand of Adam Smith will transfer the best resources to where it will see the maximum value.
Only issue is that he talks about the long run and we live in the short run.

nothing can stop an idea whose time has come - or something to that effect

Yesterday was a pretty intense day with meetings throughout. The best part about the meetings was that they all actually used my brains. Normally I done out in meetings with nothing really to contribute or add value to. It started from a simple coffee date that I had with my student. I had taught her many years ago. I think about 8 years ago. And now she might be the age that I was when I taught her. Kids grow. The relationship becomes quite sweet. There is still some reverence as you finally were their teacher but now they too have seen enough life and had enough experience to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. The age gap doesn’t look that much when you grow older.
Now with so many of them I can have conversations as if we are friends, just a little older friend who probably can see things a bit better, but friends for sure. Respectful friends? Sounds funny… whatever…
While I was talking she was remarking about the facebook generation where people cry and laugh and feel all emotions online and in front of all your friends. It made me release another of my ‘jaimitisms’. I so love doing these. I create postulates or should you call them axioms, no I think that’s all wrong, just jaimitisms sounds good enough. So my jaimitism was that with the advent of social media ‘emotion is now a collective responsibility’. I found it so funny. It kept tickling me till quite some time. The more I thought the more it rang true.
I guess when we grow up the sheer amount of emotion that we have online would surely have some psychographic repercussion. No I don’t mean it that this is all bad and that this must be thought of etc etc. I am playing no moral police but I surely feel that something will change in the way we react or connect with people and then this law will hold true. Which one? Arey the emotion being a collective responsibility.
Even if you want to hide it, somebody around you will capture it and post it for eternal posterity. Instead of reference check firms you will have algorithms that generate your online reference score.
It will cull out your total emotional score basis your profile, your posts then see the people you have connected to, left connections, comments etc. infer your strong or weak linkages while considering your browsing patterns interests etc etc…
This is not too far fetched. The technology to do this exits today. Nothing rocket science about it.
The best part of this will be that you really can’t escape this. Because if everyone will be using this reference checker then if you don’t have one online… by blocking off all tagging, removing yourself from the online social world etc then a null report on you will be seen as shay and suspicious. You will be seen as someone with something to hide. You are the next drug dealer or more likely the next depression case likely to commit suicide or blow up the commercial district. Now we wouldn’t want to be typecast like that do we?
Online reputations will have be carefully managed, doctored and thought through. After all that’s what the university will see along with your SAT/MAT/RAT and some FAT score. HAHAHAHHA… I can see you are scared or plain dismissive.
Ok. Fine by me. Don’t tell anyone that I did not warn you.
But do tell other people that you first heard it here. Any angel investor or tech man listening…contact me. Lets do some thing interesting with this proposition.

Actually a few days ago I blogged something like this for companies. Did I? I don’t know. I am too bored (read lazy) to really check. But the gist is that if it can be done for people it can done for companies.

Forget that – the breakfast at barista got a bit interesting. Here is the snapshot.

Oops, sorry that was of the snack I had at office the day before. Here is the actual snapshot.

I like the poetry in the way the coffee looks. Especially the black ones which have cream on top. The way the cream slowly melts and mixes with the coffee is always fun to watch.

bend over

This yoga thing we do twice a week is really awesome. It has helped improve my back. I can’t believe that simple stretches improves back to such a great extent. The best and most noticeable improvement, I can sit in vajrasan for a long period of time without getting all numb. Vajrasan is this pose wherein you fold your legs under your thighs and sit on your soles. Ok.. that’s a bad description. Let me see if I can google a pic for you that best illustrates the pose. ………………………… yup. Here it is.
What’s so tough about it? Do it and sit in that pose for 5 minutes. You can huh? Good for you. You cant? I told you so.

But these small victories is something I look forward to notch up while I do yoga. Like bending forward and touching the head to my toes in bhadrasan position which start off like below. Just about managing that one.

But all this is good fun till one day I was doing yoga with my daughter in front of me. It is completely demoralising. She can just about do anything. She sits cross legged and completely folds forward touching the floor with her stomach. She is so comfortable with it that she many times goes to sleep in the car like thus.
yes... I tell you, she is asleep, fast asleep.
For those who care, please observe the foot coming out from the side. Just try sitting without bending with your feet coming out from the opposite side. Go ahead try it. Now bend over… ya go ahead. Just ensure you read the disclaimer that follows before doing it. Disclaimer: DON’T DO IT OR YOU MIGHT NEVER GET BACK UP AGAIN.

The yoga teacher tells us that you don’t chart progress in yoga by measuring your flexibility quotient. You measure it by understanding your mind. Are you more relaxed, more in control etc etc. this is one big let down for me as far as yoga is concerned. I don’t know if it has made an iota of difference to my mind yet. I think it’s because I got the thing screwed on wrong. I primarily concentrate on getting my postures correct, my breathing in order and ensure that I feel the twist. I am probably too muddled up with my physical being to really observe the mind.

But sometimes I also suspect that it is like so as I am constantly trying to train my mind. I am constantly trying to react impartially, see both sides of the equation, conquering fear, anger and reaction. I am doing mental yoga all the time. And it has helped me tremendously. So this actual yoga is not amounting to much. But then I could be completely wrong. I don’t know.
In absence of complete information I am taking things as they hit me step by step. My first priority now is my physical well being and that is what I am taking seriously through yoga. That’s what I want to achieve. The rest I will achieve, hopefully, slowly. It is tough to get up and practice yoga. It’s a good thing that it fits well into routine but even more difficult to manage is the stiff body. My hands go as far behind, my ankles hurt in vajrasan, my back bends less. It makes for a painful experience. But I guess I have to conquer that feeling, the stiffness. The tough part is not to lose motivation by comparing evening results to morning results. The thing is to constantly do it, diligently concentrating on your breathing. I remember doing yoga as a ninth standard student (around 14 years). I thought concentration was easier then. Now its tougher. I did not realise how I am unable to control my variety of thoughts. It requires really concentration to get anywhere near where the goal is and it is so difficult to hold it there, all concentrated on the breath. Yoga is really telling me how old I have become. Physically, mentally.

But I am glad. Very glad. I am happy that is possible. I hope I can carry it on for good and I continue to get something from it for a long time to come. It might easy tthat my expectations are low... a mere vajrasan pose without it hurting. The next goal is prathnasan without toes hurting… google it. it is so deceptively simple looking that I am embarrassed to tell you that holding that pose sitting in. hey that’s funny…I couldn’t get the image online. It’s the pose where you kneel down a la vajrasan but only your knees and your toes bent inwards touch the ground. Much like the nymph in all the calendar art depicting gods. The one who then is throwing petals in that position. Most temples you will see people kneeling in that position. Most corridors in schools also you will see the kids kneeling in that position. When the teacher is looking you are supposed to keep you butt up but when she glances away you rest your butt on your heels. There now I think you remember it, you naughty boy.

pose

Jispa has learnt from me not to stay still while giving a pose for the camera. I guess it is a bad thing as anywhere and everywhere she refuses to hold still. A funny face is a must. Her mommy hates me for it and keeps telling Jispa not to do that. hehehe. I guess I am guilty there and I also realise that this is akin to giving a razor to a monkey. She will end up looking funny in most of her photos and digital memories will come back to haunt her in adulthood.
With the internet and the facebook stuff coming in, you never know who on earth is going to upload one of your weird snaps and you end up being the toast of all the sniggers. I often wonder this blog might end up being one such source of such embarrassment. Someday I will take it private for sure. But till then I can safely put up the non embarrassing pics, and I can talk about the relatively philosophical aspects of our growing up.
Kids especially get bored of constantly being asked to give nice cute pics and smiles just for the camera. There is nothing to it and it gets soo dam coring for them. With the digital camera photographs are a commodity and you keep clicking them all the time. Jispa used to so hate posing for the pictures. Firstly everywhere we would want to click them. Every time we would click at least a half a dozen. Every time I would try to get a good pose, an interesting angle and the exact light effect. A complete stage managed pain. Jispa would always complain and then refuse to pose. She just got so tired of us. Me in particular. That was one of the reasons to chuck the camera from my life.

Side bar - I am her chief face maker. She asked me the other day, how on earth can i make all these faces. How do I think them up? Well, it takes years of practice is all I can say. She tries her best to come close but I am still the champion in my house :)
On the other hand I have seen some kids going all ‘model model’ the moment the camera is turned on. They take on the avatar of some soap model and keep giving sweet smiles all day. They can get so artificial. Jispa and me like to spoil the oh so perfect photos. The one with the bright sunlight, straight faces, lovely smiles and combed hair. You know those don’t you? Now I am old enough not be berated for spoiling the pic but poor Jispa who has been learning this gets the short end of the stick. Sorry Jispa. It will take time. Right now you are in the phase where you will be caught and straightened. You will want to break norm. then you will grow up and end up being a typical teenager who might get acne, who might not like her hair cut, her outfit. You might want to comb your hair before a pic, you will learn to show your best side etc etc. and then once you outgrow that and some more then you will learn that it does not really matter. No one is really looking and then finally you will pose to whatever suits you. It’ll take time. Then people will accept you and even laugh at all those pics. But then that was my journey. I am pretty excited to know what your journey will end up being.
Here are a couple of photos that could be a study in contrast. The first is her desired fun pose and the other the more studied on. Though these days she is ok posing as I have junked the camera and pics like these are few and far in beween.

FTR these pictures were taken after she beat me by a large margin in an extremely high skilled well faought board game. she is growing up fast and learning the moves, well enought to defeat me by a margin. Like a proud father i saw as she came from behind to beat the shit out of me. As a father there would be none so proud as me, to see the day that your ward beats you at the game you taught her. The game in question? snakes and ladders.

simple...

Sometimes it gets very difficult to write a post. The prime audience for this blog is currently 7 years old and when she does grow up to read it, it must be relevant enough for her to enjoy it without too much background research. Right now the most important thing on my mind is the IPL finals that were played out yesterday. after ten years, I wouldn’t want her to look up what exactly happened just to understand the blog. Hence I need to write what is relevant and what is easily understandable and get to the essence of my thought.
Yesterday the most interesting learning for me was the approach towards captainship of the two rival captains. Sachin Tendulkar is no doubt a champion but somehow I get the sense that he wants to lead from the front and take the onus of winning single handed. He takes great responsibility for his greatness. I almost get the feeling that he has decided to win it for the team. Dhoni on the other hand seems to trust his simple cricketing brain. He sees it as ‘no rocket science’. You do a set of processes in tune with your reading. I have seen him many times talk in a very simple, straight matter of fact tone.
I have come to believe that that is the best way to approach the game. Simple. Captaining the B team taught me this. The A team at my company is a bunch of committed guys with tons of talent trying hard to win a game. The B team is a bunch of bedraggled bunch of cricketers who are there because they like playing but aren’t good enough, old but still enthu or simply guys wanting to break into the A team. That’s when I learnt that you have to focus on the processes. Use simple thinking. Trust your players. Keep your cricket logical. Keep the motivation simple. Keep your messages simple. Understand the limitations of players. Place your game according to those limitations. And above all have fun. Too much thinking and pressure can really mar the game. Probably we were gifted not have the gift of cricket like the A team. But we had fun while playing and we learnt a bit about the game.
The many games I captained or played in the 7 a side format also gave me the same learnings. Trust your players. That’s the team you have and that’s the best you have got. Let them play to their potential. You can groom them till a point. On the ground, there is no time to improve or coach. I could only see the humour at silly shots and the fun of seeing my bad bowlers being trashed around. I would change the field and the bowlers and batsman depending on what the game would be as I could read it, but then after that there was no frustration. I will set the field and if the batsmen simply cleared the field smashing my best bowler, there is nothing I could do. I saw no point in dropping shoulders on seeing a dropped catch. These are things to be addressed in the training not on the field.
I guess leadership is just that. Trusting the process and backing your team. You don’t need o lead from the front all the time. That will result in a whole ton of frustration and unnecessary pressure. It will lead to burn out. You will cease to enjoy it if you solve all issues by using brute force. We call it the Hanuman effect, wherein you get the whole mountain for just one herb. Give clear instructions. Have clear deliverables and the then trust the team to perform. If you do your processes right then the odds are that the result will be favourable. Bearing down the necks of your team all the time is a waste of energy. And if you need to do that then you need a new team. Given simple rules and deliverables, the decision making like the action has to be decentralised.

The basic tenets of good thought are always those look and sound simple. If they are too complicated then you have every reason to be very sceptical of them.

But what on hell have I become. I can’t watch a straightforward cricketing match without dissecting it in management jargon. I guess it’s a curse. Will have to figure some way get around it. Lame excuse – this blog puts pressure on me to make an intelligent comment on anything, thus forcing….

dam!

Probably because it was on my mind, or probably because it genuinely fits, but this post today from one of my favourite websites http://www.xkcd.com/ to mind works best to illustrate the point I was trying to make on yesterdays blog.

After posting yesterdays blog I was not so comfortable with it. Something inside of me kept rankling. What was it about that post? Is my postulate wrong? Was I in error? Are there too many outliers to this that I have missed out? The more I thought the more I seem convinced that balanced and erudite minds often tend to be open about their conclusions. Of course you have the instances of scientists going mad because no body listened to them and they kept repeating their thesis to disbelieving audiences. Probably that’s a caricature we have from the media creations we see. Most smart guys I know are secure about their knowledge and are keen to hear relevant arguments on their findings or knowledge.
It took some soul searching to figure that the reason I was uncomfortable is that I was pissed at the world for this. This was the stupid thing. How can I preach equanimity if I get angry at the world for not being balanced and for being one sided? Relax. People need not follow all your values, no matter how right they seem to you. Getting agitated is one thing; the fact that it affects itself is an issue. Will have to learn to let go. I will have to learn to keep quite. I can change knowledge, add to it, debate it but it’s probably too much of a task to change attitude. Will have to learn to pick fights.

One random stupid joke comes to mind.
While swimming, two fish hit a wall. The first fish told the other “Dam!”

shaped by attitude? nopes... shaped by knowledge

It’s impossible to deal with arrogance especially if it is coupled with ignorance. I hate getting into arguments. I would live not to. Over a period of time I have learnt that arguments are largely useless and there is no one side to reality or knowledge. There is always another side. Also if you listen to people about their experiences and knowledge you would always tend to gain from them. The problem starts when an opinion hits the conversation. This opinion is strong and driven by attitude as opposed to knowledge. The stronger the opinion the greater chance that it is driven by attitude and not knowledge. Knowledge driven opinion tends to be circumspect in its view, while attitude driven opinions will be accompanied by a large amount of table thumping and rhetoric.
I have seen truly intelligent men be very quiet and understated. They realise the duality of thought process. They are ready to listen to people, the other side of view and realise that every opinion can be countered. Many times there is much to learn from your opponent if only you don’t see them as such. Also the really smart ones are the one that choose not to comment on almost all things. They reserve their judgement on issues they knew little about, they are secure in their knowledge and ready to admit their ignorance.
I sometimes fail to see why so many people have such strong opinions with so little knowledge. I guess five years ago my knowledge was limited as well but my opinion was vast and vehement. Over the last five years the reverse has happened. I think our education might have something to do with it. In school ion a debate you have to take a string opposing stance on anything. You can’t take an opposing stand that says that the first team is not taking a moderate stance. Your stance has to be at the exact opposite. You can’t take centre line.
A centre balanced line that is unable to see black or white is what I have typically seen as the truth. People jump to criticize issues or stands but are unable to see the reason why it has come to fore. People like me who say, relax, see the reason why the act has been done without judging it are complete bores at beast and completely impractical or preachy at worst. We have been taught to take a stand, be the judge and take decisions as if all actions are being played before a court of law that is expected to pass verdict. No dude. Don’t pass verdict. It’s ok. The action happened. That’s all. The moment we pass a verdict too soon we don’t realise the silly errors we are making and are blindsided by the information we don’t have.
Take the recent example of a hotshot tennis star marrying a Pakistani cricket captain. It was alleged that the cricketer was already married to a lady in Hyderabad. One friend of mine explained that bullshit he married her. Look at her she is so fat and ugly. Haha. You have taken your decision not on the facts of the case. You have taken your decision purely on one instance. The lady in question is fat. I asked this lady friend of mine –if it was a hot chick who starred in b grade movies and has a slutty reputation then you would have not believed her at all, if it was a slim pretty girl from a simple family, you would have and you are suspicious of a fat girl. The facts of the case remain the same, yet you believe a case basis some really random peg.
It is so silly. She could have been really slim and then put on weight. Which media report you read said that she was fat from the start. Why is that he could have not fallen for a fat girl and then realised that he could do much better. You have no information but you have an opinion based on your attitude.
Another issue is the feminists that believe that they have it tough and the men have it easy. How can you so say? I truly genuinely believe that women have it tough. The ones who work manage home and office. They do very well. But that does mean I have addressed the issue of tough‘er’. I find the whole argument so brittle. Sure its bad but both sides face issues all the time.
It’s like someone once asked me if I dominate the relationship with me and my wife. Stupid ass question. Just because I seem more outgoing and vocal of the two. I left it to my wife to answer, who at first chuckled. I don’t think anyone can completely dominate anyone in a healthy relationship. It is so difficult so say that. Yesterday someone asked while talking about egos, that don’t men have stronger egos than women. Hah! Ego is not about men or women it’s about power and the situation you use it in. Everyone is equally prone and susceptible to ego, not men more than women. I could only think of one example to counter it. The mother in law and daughter in law fights. They are largely driven by ego and they are prevalent almost everywhere. Does that mean that women tend to have more egos? We take the biggest example in front of us and generalise the rule. So unfair, so driven by attitude as opposed to knowledge.
The criticism of my stand is that is that I have no stand and I will not be able to take a side. Uhhh. Ok. So? It doesn’t stop my decision making. I take my decision basis what I know best at the time simple. At least I am aware and actively receptive to the counter. It will help in changing stand as well. At the time of decision my stand is clear. Till then I don’t need to have a stand. Especially on so many issues that have little bearing on my life. Having mental paradigms stops us from seeing the whole picture and we are unable to see the game unfold. In the current cricket saga, I am not holding anyone guilty, hence I think I am better placed to see the game unfold and the moves being made. This is making the show much more entertaining or enriching. Sit behind, grab a mocha gande and sip it slowly. The world passing by is pretty interesting only if we care to see it unfold.
It is not easy and by all means its not that I can maintain this stand of equanimity at all times. But I try and I keep my senses open. I actively seek fault in my argument and thinking. This helps me learn and improve. Its helps me conquer ego and arrogance. It’s a slow burn. It will take time. Those who know me from before will not believe this blog of mine. I was a twerp, an arrogant one at that. Working with my God Dharen Chadha for about a year has changed me in many ways. His unrivalled knowledge with his willingness to learn more and listen to noises around him while withholding opinion on things outside his knowledge has changed me as a person. My wife many times asks why I don’t call him and keep in touch with him. I don’t know. You keep in touch with God by talking to him. He need not talk back to you. His picture is always burned in my memory. I just can’t get myself to talk to him. I feel so low and insignificant. How can I talk to him? I just can’t.
Thanks to him I started reading, started listening started to understand the value of being moderate. I am not a patch on him, but I am trying as best as I can. So far it has changed me in many ways possible. I hope it is for the better. I sure hope it lasts.

pub shub hai rubba

It’s a good thing that smoking is banned at indoor venues. Thanks to that yesterday when the office gang decided to go for a night out, I could agree to go to a pub. Normally the only pub I could barely manage was the hard rock café. With its high ceilings and decent air filtration, I could handle the smoke filled interiors.
I am pretty allergic to cigarette smoke. For some reason cigarette smoke makes my ears pain. Yup you read that right. My ears pain. Even if someone comes into the office smoking a cigarette or if the taxi driver has smoked before driving I can smell it and in a closed environment the ears begin to tingle a bit. So pubs have been out of bound for most of my life. Especially the happening ones at Bandra and other suburbs which have low ceilings, bad air-conditioning and no air filtration so as to speak off. Not to mention the cramped places and the really loud music that is played from speakers close enough to burst your ear drums.
Well with one variable viz smoke out of the equation, these fire traps are suddenly much more bearable for people like me. We finally get an opportunity to listen to some good music that we can identify and hum along. My music tastes were mainly those that my elder siblings thrust upon my helpless ears. Right from the girlie music that my elder sister thrust upon us to the complete hard rock that my brother subjected me to. We had only one music player and it was quite clear that I was whale shit in the pecking order and my choice didn’t count. Not that I was an audiophile to start with and I really did not mind. I was happy to get them to spend their pocket money, buying cassettes, recoding music, playing them etc. we had those cassette players which would get spoiled in the Mumbai humidity and they had to keep cleaning the head with some alcohol solution. We used to use dad’s aftershave as well at times. Hehhe. I sure he didn’t know. Not that he cared too much as he was never into perfumes. His bottles lasted forever. I still have one last little bit of after shave lotion in a bottle that he bought before I was born. I loved it and I conserved it with great pains. It was special enough for me to use at my marriage and reception ceremony.
So my music was largely shaped by what I was made to hear rather than by choice. Hence I cant even manage to go these new fangled pubs playing hip hop. I cant understand or importantly identify with the music. And if the music is the glue for the crowds, I cant understand the crowd as well. Not that I want to understand the crowd in any which way possible. I may be happier being a loner than being a pretend.
But yesterday I had an opportunity to go to Hawiian Shack in Bandra. As I expected low ceilings and claustrophobic atmosphere but at least no second hand smoke to inhale. I was also promised that it played my kind of music. The 80’s 90’s rock. Of course no Turbo Lover but at least we had Bruce Springsteen. That’s ok. Also reaching earlier we had a option of choosing the table. We wanted to avoid the one right under the air conditioners, but the those with the ACs had the dam over sized speaker. One table had speakers and woofers next to it. We settled for on in between the two. Just about ok. I must be the only guy who gets into a pub and wants to figure exactly where to sit. I think a misfit from the starting steps.
But in the end it was one pilgrimage done. I have been seeing and hearing about the place since so many years with no chance to go there. I must admit that I enjoyed the music there.
One of the funny things I noticed that on the next table a large crowd from an office had come in. While we were a small but noisy and fun group, that one turned out to be a large and quite group attacking the drinks and food. My guess is that the company was paying for it, or possible it’s the boss taking them out. Get the free booze into your system as fast as possible. Hehe. Ok I might be a little unfair and judgemental. But the archetype in my mind seemed to fit.
The best part of the evening, I got home and I did not have to scrub off the nicotine off my hair, shirt, hands and skin. I just took a quick shower and could hit the bed happy.

a tooth story

Around a week back, Jispa lost another tooth. The tooth fairy came calling again and left another 5 rupee coin. I guess that’s how the government manages to circulate the money. It prints less and ensures that the rest is made up by the tooth fairy. That is also probably the reason it makes a record of the births in the country. Then it does an extrapolation and plots the number of babies born, their progression, expected mortality rates, the average age at which you get new teeth etc etc. hence it figures the replacement cost of a tooth versus the five rupee that the fairy generates and leaves behind. It adds that to the money supply in the economy and then adjusts for the same by printing less on its own. This ensures equitable distribution of the money supply as well. While this does all well, how does it manage to account for the missing five rupees in the net worth of the parents every time a child loses a tooth? I guess then it adds up the child’s income from other sources to include the tooth fairy gift and then totals that up as the net gain for a family to account for the net off in family income. Hence balancing the book. Though I wonder if this income of a child which is then clubbed with the parent is taxable at the maximum marginal tax rate. Or I guess that comes under the exceptions of winnings that are exempt up to Rs.5000 in a calendar year. But is the tooth fairy exchange of a tooth for cash a winning or is it a sale? Under which circumstances it is taxable on the profit. And if the basic raw material for the tooth is calcium then milk becomes the input under which am I expected to maintain the milk bills. Then that would be good for me as at five bucks a tooth I am making a huge loss on the transaction which could be set off against the other income I make. Now that’s a happy happy ending.

But to continue Jispa’s story, she wrote a message for the tooth fairy on the white board. She asked for confidence. I wonder why. She thinks she is shy. I don’t think she is. I guess it might be fashionable to be shy. Whatever, but the tooth fairy was quite clear. She said something to this effect - confidence is not something that anyone can give you. It is inside of you. Sometimes when it is a bit lost, take a deep breath and believe in yourself and it will come back. And at the end she even referred to her as ‘superconfident Jispa’. Here is the board as proof.

the experimentative gujju

Yesterday I experienced the ultimate Gujju fantasy. This kind of stuff is normally reserved for gujju heartland. We Gujju’s can eat anything as long as it is vegetarian. Post that one clause, we are pretty experimentative when it comes to food. And in all gujju favourite dishes you find sweet, salty, spicy and any other taste that the taste buds can decipher; all in one bite. Hence the humble sev puri is a favourite amongst gujjus. The next thing that catches our eyes (and stomachs ) are the sandwiches. Here also we ensure we put all the spices together thanks to the chatni and the sauce we put inside the sandwiches. After that we dunk it further in the chatnis and have it.
So yesterday we were roaming around gujju food heartland (matunga) where I came across this wild preparation. It just did not make sense to me. But the gujju in me awoke to try it and the gujju in me loved it. What was it? Here look at the photo and tell me.


Look again. It is sevpuri toast sandwich. I did not even know it existed. But this enterprising guy figured it out. He takes a bread slice and arranges a few sev puris on it and then covers it with another bread slice and then toasts it. eeew. But it tastes great and the puris aren’t soft after the toasting. Funny but tasty. What would we do without gujjus.

simple thinking

What we learn from everyday life is enough to teach us a thing or two about business. We probably don’t need any great management book to really tell us the secret. The Times of India seems to have sold its soul in the movie review section. They seem to be writing only glossy reviews with a view not to antagonise any parties. I have seen this rubbish before and the latest being the one on the movie ‘jane kahan se aayi hai’. Compromising the integrity, or if I were to give them some credit, compromising the quality of a simple movie review casts aspersions on general edit quality of the paper as a whole. Every small action adds up in the consumers mind. If he can’t trust your review, slowly he starts asking questions on other topics as well. Kids grow up listening to their parents rubbishing the paper. What happens to a brand that took 150 plus years to build?
Rarely we are corporates understand the huge repercussions of our immediate actions. We pay bonus and increments year on year. We focus on March end numbers. I haven’t heard any boss appraise anyone on the culture that they have helped build and hence reward them for the same. We just won’t understand. The web is teaching us today the value of public relations. On the web every opinion will be made and possibly stored for posterity. Someone will sooner or later come out with software that aggregates data and opinion and beliefs over a larger period of time. Then companies will rue that they gave customers the short end of the stick. They still don’t understand the value of the peer on the web. I see ads in new papers saying “we are now on facebook”. Well if you had an interesting idea and a reason then the community itself will adopt you without waiting for an advert proclaiming so. What a rubbish idea. The brand managers need to show that they have an online strategy and hence any rubbish – one FB page, one stupid twitter account and some other rubbish. Missing in the equation is the consumer. Err…Who’s that girl?
Forget that. Let’s focus on the movie which got a decent review. Jasmine and I were happy to go for the show at it was a morning show at the theatre next door. At 80 bucks a head no movie can be really that bad. Ritesh Deshmukh couldn’t have been all that bad. He does do a good job as a side kick. Well…. I think that’s that. He is good side kick but as a stand alone actor he has some distance to go. Add to it an actress who can’t act and a hackneyed script. But we had fun. Some stupid slapstick and we had Jispa rolling in the aisles. I guess it’s a fun movie for kids. I assumed that Jispa did not get any of x rates jokes in it (pretty corny). With Jispa as the laugh track almost anything is funny.
At home we have been seeing this really old movie ‘seeta aur geeta’. Standard twins separated at birth fare. We are enjoying that as well.
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While coming in today I heard a radio ad for Digene, the chewable anti acidity tablet. The strawberry flavour is now in sugar free version. Huh? I know everything is now sugar free and contains aspartame or some other agent which some of us suspect is carcinogenic over the long run. I try and avoid the stuff, now I will have to even check Digene for it. My first reaction was ‘incredulous’. Come on. One small tablet with sugar can’t really kill your diet and make you put on kilos. But then on second thoughts it’s a perfect brand fit. Those who eat a lot or don’t control their diet are the ones who are large consumers of anti acids and these guys are the top target for sugar free stuff. One large burger with extra cheese, one large fires and a diet coke please.

jumping jack

When you run out of ideas to blog about… you open the photos folders and think of something to upload. Here is something interesting. This was in 2007 when we were visiting Ranthambore and Bharatpur. While we were at Rathambore fort I just this wild idea and made Jispa jump before taking this snap.

Then we got all excited with the results and made Jispa jump in front of the Taj Mahal which we visited a few days later. I think we completely missed the point of the great mausoleum. Poor shah jahan must turned in his grave. Clicking the Taj with you kid jumping in front of it. haha.


We went to Bharatpur again the following year with some friends and visited the Taj again. This time around I was pretty shocked to see the official photographers there talking photos of kids while encouraging them to jump on his count, before capturing the moment. They copied my style. Hell now we will have a large bunch of photos of people jumping in front the tomb. Now millions more will miss the point. What have I started? But on second thoughts, let me look at the market it replaced. These idiots were normally the guys who would have posed with their hand outstretched and their fingers joined as if they were picking up the Taj.

Have you seen those? Let me see if I can google a few images. “taj in your fingertips’ did not get me the desired results, but ‘holding the taj mahal’, now that’s another matter altogether. Here is one such photo… now when you look at the thing I replaced; it’s probably not so bad after all.

summer funk

Oh darn its summertime. I hate the swimming pool in summers. These days every body want to hit the pool in the morning. It’s a bloody riot. First there are lots of slippers and only a few are in the rack. I understand kids not putting them in the rack but adults? then the changing room. Today all the hangars were taken. I was wondering how to hang my clothes. I almost thought I might have to fold them and place them on the rack. Not that it would have mattered much, but I have my office clothes on which I don’t really want to crumple up. Luckily one guy came out and took his clothes from the hangar allowing me the privilege. Till then I was looking at all the t shirts and shorts which were hanging there wondering if could just yank them off. You don’t really need to hang t shirts and shorts on hangars. As if they would crease up other wise.
Then I hit the pool. Man, there was no clear line to follow. I could see people in all the lanes. I so hate the way the guys who come regularly to swim and do that lazy and slow breast stroke. They don’t even need to breathe hard. I just see them bobbing up and down. Normally I never had an issue with it, but when these guys end up slowing up the lane its irritating. But its still ok… lets get progressively worse. Next on the line are the irritating women who will swim in the line that you have already taken off, and that too in the opposite direction. So a mid lane collision is imminent. In any case Matunga gym pool doesn’t follow lane discipline, but a little care and common sense would help. To day half way through I realised I was going to hit a boulder of a women and changed lanes. Luckily no one was coming from the opposite side. I try and set a route and pick a lane before I set off. Now I also look for potential women starting off. In fact now I even look for potential men starting off and switch lanes.
Today I managed to track one guy who was swimming properly and decided that the best strategy would be to follow him. I am a bit faster than most swimmers and hence need to give my self adequate distance before taking off, or else I might find myself getting kicked on the face.
The worst bit – the talking men. If I earlier thought that women can gossip, then the men take eth cake. They can talk on and on and on. They talk while showering, shouting across the shower cubicles. They talk outside the showers while in the bathroom while getting ready. Once I caught a pair talking while I came in and were still talking when I was walking out. In the changing room and in their swimming trunks. Wow. But that’s still ok. The irritating ones are the ones talking in the pool. They stand at the shallow end and talk and talk. On an empty winter day, sure enough, sit in your corner and yap away. But in summer when the pool is filled enough, get out of my way. Allow me place to stop and catch my breath. These guys haven’t figures the difference between the swimming pool and a Jacuzzi. Standing in the pool at eth shallow end for 15 minutes and talking. They talk shop, they talk ‘gossip’, they play match making. Everything we men blame women for. They are right there, talking. In the guise of exercise.
I miss the winter. Dark morning and cold waters. No one in the pool. Absolutely no one. I am swimming alone. The changing room is empty, the racks are free. Wow. I asked the attendant “till when will this traffic jam last?” “two months”. Man I cant wait for the rains to start. Good lazy mornings and people will want to stay in their beds. Thank god for small mercies.

wash your hands off

I came across this wonderful piece by Dan Ariely (link) . I have loved this guy and absolutely love the questions he asks and the possible explanations he gives. Yes in many ways adding a disclaimer or a disclosure always allows most corporates to do whatever on hell they want.

“According to the New York Times, the drug maker disclosed that it paid $20 million in consulting and speaking fees to 4,500 doctors in the second half of 2009. The company also shelled out $15.3 million to U.S. academic medical centers for their clinical trials.
A few other drug makers have disclosed their doctor payments in the past, but this is the first time a company has disclosed its payments for clinical trials. As such, some may see this as a good deed on Pfizer’s part, a noble step towards eliminating or reducing some of the conflicts of interest in medicine.
Only, disclosure doesn’t seem to help. Several studies have shown that when professionals disclose their conflicts of interest, this only makes the problem worse. This is because two things happen after disclosure: first, those hearing the disclosure don’t entirely know what to make of it — we’re not good at weighing the various factors in any given situation — and second, the discloser feels morally liberated to act even more in his self-interest and to disregard what’s in the public good”


I worked in corporate India and banking long enough to know that the agreements are horribly one sided and long winded. There is no way for the client or consumer to effectively understand the same. After years in finance and I still don’t understand the simple disclaimer that gets added in every insurance ad –‘insurance is eth subject matter of solicitation’. What on earth does that mean? I know what it means for the marketing person. Say whatever you want and then slap on this in really rapid pace or small font. There… now you are clean. It is the same in all the Initial public offer adverts. Say whatever you want and then slap on the fact that the important disclosures and risk factors are given. The government even made it mandatory to have a form with all the risk factors written on it. This makes for a large unwieldy form. But no one reads that as well. You need a magnifying glass and a lot of patience. If they really care about informing us and keeping us aware why don’t they insist on simple language as risk? – This claim is exaggerated and is most likely not going to happen. No by investing in this fund you are not likely to buy your own aircraft twenty years hence. This company is not making real money, it is a promise, more like a dream. This investment gives the broker commission of 10%. If you default on this loan we will take your car with the help of goons if need be. If you need money for this, then you are likely not to pay this back. We need to bank with us as we have just increased this sales man’s target.

I agree with Dan. Making disclaimers mandatory and agreements mandatory have not protected the consumer. If anything they have given a free hand to business to rip us off. Possibly if we baned them and put the onus back on the corporate to ensure he has not missold. Suppose we can fight in court that we did not really understand this legalese and the court says, sure... your disclaimer must be in the same language as your ad copy, possibly then...

But for now all you have to do is slap on a really inane disclaimer and voila, you are on. Say what to, do what you to, the adams family… the adams family…

dhak dhak

On November 2nd 2009, I completed five years with the current firm. When I started off my career in 1998, I always wanted to work for long in one firm but I guess no firm thought me worthy enough. I had horrendous experience after horrendous experiences. I learnt that to get great salaries one needs to keep changing jobs and moving on. Before my current job the longest I had stayed any where was three years and that was also this current firm. After which I went outside for a year and joined back in. that one year at Momentum was in many ways one of the most important periods of my life where I was able to meet and interact with some outstanding minds and basically change my thinking. But this post is not about that job.
At one point given the number of jobs I changed, I never thought I would complete five years in any one firm. I used to look at the long service awardees and wonder if my turn would ever come. When we had the award function on the 31st of last month, it was a weird moment. It came like a matter of fact event. I did not think about it, I did not even bother too much. I just walked up and collected the award. I have no clue what to do with the trophy, though I very much appreciate the 5gm gold coin given. in the middle a couple of years ago, I got rid of all the trophies that were at my desk. These I had won for corporate football and cricket. I felt the vanity in them especially since I knew that they were for being the best in a hopelessly mediocre segment. It doesn’t take much to defeat fatted unfit bankers and get some awards in the process.
So the 5 year trophy is the only one I have on my table. I guess that trophy might truly be my own. I probably owe that one to myself for keeping the faith and staying on. Hehe.
Since this year the number of awardees were unusually large (our division also completed five years), the five year guys were asked not to give thank you speeches. Though they did circulate a PowerPoint for people to write some special comments that they could show case while giving the awards. I was not going to write any mushy stuff for sure. To one of the questions – which was finally showcased for me – what keeps you here – I wrote two points – I lost my CV and I forgot the rubbish I wrote in; and second point being – I cant explain to anybody else what on earth am I doing at this job. I did not realise that that one would become a hit with the audience and I got some ‘I like’ comments post the function. We are easily amused.
The other brain wave I had was that if we were not going to speak then why not have a camera and record the comments of all the awardees where in they could talk about stuff and they could thank who ever they wanted on camera. Now that was a huge hit (with most of them of course). They came in and spoke to the camera. They were all excited and ready to talk but the poor stage was taken from them. Thank god for my camera. I plan to cut these pieces and put them up for public consumption. I also realised that just because I am a cynical basterd, there is no reason why the world should be one. I was pretty unenthused about the award but all the rest were all charged up and ready to go. Women went shopping the day before. Some guys got new shirts to wear. Many got change of clothes before they set off for the function. One guy got a shave done in the afternoon. Some heroes wore suits. Wow. I guess it does count for something. I don’t what it was. The fact that you are going to receive an award in front of some azar people. The fact that the CEO is going to be present on stage. The fact that you completed five years counts for something. Or it is a being counted emotion. I don’t know. I had none of those. I honestly just liked the five gram of gold. I wonder where is my heart these days? Why do I not feel these emotions. If I thought I had exchanged my heart for a stone with the devil, the fears were quickly unfounded. After the event I asked my man Anil Bose who has been with me for five years what it takes and what he felt. But before he could answer I went into a long speech in front of the camera why I was happy to have him with me. I ended up saying (which is probably true) that I completed five years thank to this man. He has been a great help for me and is responsible for me growing in my current role. In the last five and half years, I have had three direct bosses and a few dotted line reportings. What’s dotted lines? Sighhh… that’s another post. But one thing has remained constant – Anil Bose and his support. We understand each other. Work well with each other and are able to feed off each others strength. In the last five years in front of me he bought a house, got married, got a kid, got the second kid and settled down. Tough going for a boy who lost his parents while he was 17 years old. He managed his life well. He has no other family from his side so as to speak of. For his marriage which was a simple ceremony at his home, I played the role of the groom’s relative who has to hold the sheet between the couple. There was no one else. Every time he has a function, I make it a point to be there. He stays in vasai so does take some going.
I know for him it means a lot for me to come all the way there. He has remarked more than once, that he is happy when we come as he has no other family representation from his side.
The others in the team many times do not understand this. They don’t get it. Many people take their relatives for granted. The fact that they have so many. They fail to see their significance. Family fights have ensured that I am not touch with many of mine. As eth second generation, we have decent regard and love for each other and are more than cordial when we meet. We are even warm. But if the elders don’t exactly get along, there aren’t many instances to deepen ties.
Probably I understand that and I value relations, probably I am going since he is my guy, probably I am just being a kind boss, probably I feel for him, probably I don’t know … I am jut going. But I did feel emotional talking about him and his five years with me.
Hey, I have a heart after all. It beats. It’s warm.

what else matters?

I just realised that I am horrible at teaching Jispa anything that comes close to school work. I have a deep rooted abhorrence for it. First came Hindi. There I had a natural excuse. I could understand jack of what was going on. As she continues her quest on the Hindi road I am only to recollect my own fears and trauma at having to study Hindi and Marathi and get the dam ‘maatras’ right. Also I never understood why all the vernacular language teachers had to be equal terrors and evil. Just because they got their maatras right why couldn’t they understand that I had no clue which one was where.
Leaving Hindi alone, today Jasmine asked me to take her dictation. I had to open the first chapter in her Oxford English book and give spellings from there. Jispa stopped reading this level at least a year ago. She is far more advanced that what I read. But of course the spellings is another matter altogether. Spellings have been my problem as well. In many ways the spell check in Microsoft word has been specifically designed for dyslexics like me. I am still not sure on how to spell science and hence let the spelling ‘sicence’ pass, till Jasmine heard that and screamed from the kitchen. To get a sample of my spellings go to my first few posts. Then I was typing directly into the text bar of blogspot and getting all my spellings wrong. Quickly I learnt enough to type out the post on word and then transfer the same on to the post, post the corrections.
Add to it that I simply hated studies. So while I started taking her dictations, I added words like ‘at’ ‘a’ ‘ran’ etc. that was just to liven things up. Jasmine gave me a stare and then understood that I was pretty much incorrigible. After the spelling, I had to ask comprehension q’s from the chapter. That was fun. I started asking random trick questions and other funny ones. Jasmine now had had enough. She took the book from me and started asking the proper questions. Jispa was rattling off the answers. I went to jasmine ad whispered in her ears, ‘you are actually testing her comprehension on this chapter. Yesterday she read the Abhimanyu story from the Amar Chitra Katha and she could rattle off the story today morning.’ This was way down the value chain for her. She even managed some other outstanding answers that required her to think of something laterally and assume something or look beyond the story for answers. I was pretty impressed. I am not taking her tuitions for sure.
Yesterday Jispa and I got talking. One aunty was explaining to Jispa how her teacher had funny pronunciations and how they used to laugh when she said m and n and x and y in math class. While Jispa got the joke she wanted to know how the alphabets made it into math class. I thought a bit and figured that she could get a handle on algebra since her ability to take a little leap of imagination was wired in. I tried to explain that many times x is used as a blank or a dash. 1+x = 3, then what is x. she struggled a bit then I reframed it as 1+___ = 3. what plus 1 is three. A ha… x is then equal to two. Then I complicated it a bit to m+n = 2. aha… 1+1. Then further to m+n = 3. aha… m is 1 and n is 2… or I corrected her as m is 2 and n is 1. so m can be 1 or 2 and n can be 1 or 2. That was fun. This was all in the car while waiting for Jasmine. She called us out to break this conversation. I don’t know how much I could have gone on. Possibly negative numbers? Or even larger algebraic sums. Eeks. I love teaching this stuff. Especially if it’s not in the portion. The whole typecast of dad teaching math is fun. I guess it will last till her 8th or 9th standard. Beyond that the sums will confuse the shit out of me. Basically till we get to derivatives I should be fine. Post which… you are on your own Jispa. Have fun. It would be so much fun to learn from her once she majors in some thing. Anything but boring and sadistic accounts. That was the pits. I see no value add in having an accounting conversation with her. Once I even tried explaining a periodic table with her. That too was a load of fun.
I don’t know how much she gathers and retains but the moment is fun, for me and for her. We enjoy it a lot. What else matters?