notes from China

I have had an awesome run as far as tech is concerned in the last couple of months. Last month I was in San Fransico meeting all the tech firms and last week, I had a chance to be in China, meeting the tech firms there. I read somewhere that the startups try and get distribution before the big firms get innovation. It’s an interesting run. A tight fight where everyone is trying to outrun each other.

China is especially fun on the world circuit. It has a closed start up tech eco system as most the world biggies are not allowed to operate there. This is because the government wants data and insights into their citizen’s online behavior and the firms from the valley refuse to toe the line. So home grown startups that blatantly copy the startups from the west have sprung up and are dominating the ecosystem. But to simply paint them all with one brush is the wrong thing. Two of them are innovating and are leading the world in their own fields. One is the chat platform WeChat and the other is the ecommerce platform Alibaba. Both are now moving into fintech and are using data to understand consumers and then using it for lending operations. This is now very interesting and dangerous territory. WeChat through WePay wants to lead in the high frequency payment ecosystem like food, taxis, groceries etc. Alibaba counterpart is AliPay following everywhere and online. Both premises are simple – one pushes through the chat interface and allows for people to use chat for commerce and transactions. The other creates an ecommerce platform and sees where it can extend its wallet services to. The world is watching what the real deal will be. Will payments be won by chat or by ecom. Payments is the main stay of the new economy. Banks for long have dominated income and investments and used that as a data point to give credit. These wallet companies have side stepped this and said that people spend more than they invest. Day to day spending and online behavior may be a better indicator of propensity to repay credit than anything else. All sorts of data can now be used to understand the consumer better. Now big data starts playing a huge role.

Any and every data set will be used and leveraged for creating credit persona and score. This is very exciting. Both chat and ecommerce are sitting on a gold mine of data. Appreciably this data is lethal. A simple case can be that people who buy kiddie stuff or chat with other people with high credit scores are less likely to default than others. Alibaba also is understanding the merchandise sold by the merchants and their ability to sell their wares. This is creating a credit score on which Alibaba can offer credit to their merchants at a better rate and velocity than the banks. With high amount of data and online mode of delivery these new players can potentially disrupt the finance space at low operating costs and create a crazy disruption that traditional banks haven’t seen. And they are ahead of regulation. They innovate and regulation tries catching up with them. Alibaba started shifting money lying idle in the wallet to a money market mutual fund and overnight became one of the biggest mutual funds on the planet. They could now give 6% returns where previously the consumers were getting only .5% at their local bank. Huge monies shifted in till the government limited the amount of money you can keep in a wallet.

One big lesson that I learnt is that never underestimate the power of the old lender. I visited these places with my boss and his boss. Both of whom have built their lives giving loans in the credit business. At first we heard that the bad debts are only at 1%. Which is a phenomenal number. That’s lower than anything else. My only concern was that this belies the fact that the small amounts that these people lend, makes collections impossible. The cost of collection is still far higher than anything else. My boss had another point. He explained to me that in a fast growing credit market like China (this is a two year phenomena) bad debts will always be low. Because you are constantly giving away larger and large amounts of loans so your denominator is increasing like crazy. It takes a little time for the loans to go bad and in that time your fresh loans hit the book and the numerator which is the bad loan number looks bad. This is great till you are constantly growing. The denominator keeps looking bigger and the ratio looks good. But what we don’t see is two things – infant delinquency and bad debts via aging of the book. Infant delinquency is simple – how fast do the loans go bad. If loans go bad after a couple of years of good payments, then you can blame the macroeconomic environment. But if they are getting bad closer to the time you lent them, then you are talking about faulty process in credit appraisal. The other one is an extension of the first, it’s about understanding each month of credit. You have to analyze not the entire book but each month of loan given as they age. You will then get a sense of the looming danger. So at a book level 1% looks good, but most of that is from the start of the book then as time wears on, slowly the old book will also start defaulting and stress starts on the whole book.

This simple math helped me understand the credit business and the ability to look at credit from a different perspective. So while I went into China dazzled by their stupendous success in credit, I came back quite skeptical of the whole system. They have lent billions of dollars in easy credit and they just could be sitting on a bubble. Something amiss is happening in China and this could be just another subprime crisis of the east.

I have been critical of the startups in FinTech. They are started by a bunch of kids who haven’t seen credit cycles and believe that black swans don’t exist. All are looking for innovative ways to lose money faster. Yes data is now abundant and there is serious analytics that can be brought to the table but I always had a serious healthy respect for people who understand credit. I think the firm that I work in has built itself by precisely understanding this – risk. It understood that in finance, return of capital is far greater than return on capital. Credit follows cycles and when you outlive cycles you see growth and prosperity. Sometimes the simplest rule of growth is survival.

On another note, I had the chance to visit the Nanjing Massacre Memorial, while I had a couple of hours free. It was seriously the best designed memorial / museum that I had been to. As a marketer I see every ad and think – what was the brief, what was the desired consumer response, who is the ad meant for and what is the objective / problem to be addressed? When I saw the Memorial, I was in love with the architecture / design of the place. The entire memorial was designed to a specific brief (my reading) - “Bring alive the horrors inflicted on the Chinese race by a brutal aggressor, in a way that we will never forget.”

Bring alive is an important part of the brief. After their defeat the Japanese destroyed a large part of their war records so that it could never be sued against them. Many disputed that these massacres ever occurred and if at all, the Japanese dispute that the death toll was high as three hundred thousand.

The Architect was clear in his design. At first he designed the entire monument in black and grey. Outside the memorial are status designed to evoke a sense of empathy towards the horrors inflicted. They refer to the enemy as the devil which came, tortured the citizens, killed children, did not spare the old and raped the women. The word Devils is used again and again. The place has landscaping done in a desolate grey with stone pebbles used instead of grass for any landscaping. You fell the solemnness of the grey all over at the entrance. You enter the building and you go down – two floors. As you go down the first thing you see alongside the steps are the rows of folders marked with the alphabets. I don’t know for sure, but it felt like this was the catalogue of all the people who died at Nanjing. They had arranged it like a library with a ladder as well in case someone wanted to climb up and seek a particular folder from eth catalogue. Of course no one would cross over and pick up a book, but the recreation was thus. In many ways the first thing the curator wanted was to tell you, that is a work of research and not simple baseless propaganda. Once you understand that you are ready for the next exhibit.

All the while you go underground, light fades away and blackness takes over. The lights are dimed out and there are grey walls, black floors and ceiling. The lights are focused only where you want the audience to see and only enough to see the exhibit and nothing more. You enter into a large hall with the letters 300000 etched on a stone emphasizing that this large number is the victim count. On both sides of the door as you enter are color pictures of people who lived till the opening of the memorial from the Nanjing massacre. Eyewitnesses who lived to tell us of what transpired. Then the walls are filled with sepia photos of people who died and in the middle stone blocks taken from the scene of the massacres as a silent testimony of the truth that they could tell, if only!

Now that it is proved as a scholarly work and a number is etched in your brain, you are ready for the museum, which talks about the incident. Photos from Japan of the cabinet meetings where they discussed the invasion of China and the advance of the Japanese. They had exhibits of the Japanese uniform, extensive photos, articles etc. All beautifully arranged and explained in Chinese and English. They had the exhibits in audio video as well with movies played in loop with victims explaining in graphic detail how they were tortured, dismembered and what they saw. Every tool available is used well. They recreated the destroyed cities on a life scale. After a few halls that you pass through you are now ready for the big bang. I walked in a little more and saw that there was a gallery like structure created where you can lean on and see what was there under your feet. Like a massive open hole in the ground to show you the ground on which the memorial was built. There – numbered on the ground were skeletons exposed as they were stuck to the ground. It hits you that you were above a massive graveyard where the bodies were dumped after being massacred. Some were even dumped alive (as claimed).

Oh dear. That hits you. You are now suitably numb as the museum unfold for the next one to two hours and they keep at it. You exit from one building to be lead into another. You still see grey with some small smatterings of grass grown strategically in patches. Next build is an even larger uncovered dumping site with more exposed skeletons. They haven’t spared the dignity of the dead in order to show case the brutality. I don’t know how important it is to expose this in reality to the people visiting.

You at the end exit into sunlight with a small exhibition on peace and a massive white statue of a lady releasing dove in the open. One small gesture just to show that the objective of the memorial is peace and not to incite wounds. Bull shit. I am no Chinese but even I feel angry at the incidents and at the absolute horror inflicted by the Japanese. I release what the Chinese are meant to feel after they visit the museum. I realize now why at the start of the museum, there are flower and flag sellers. It is a monument to Nationalism. That a weak nation will be at the mercy of the brutality of a stronger nation. Fewer Japanese in number attacked and brought about misery to a larger population, something that was explained at the start of the memorial itself.

The memorial is not peace but for solidarity and for the promotion of a united front against a stronger adversary. I felt no peace after the end. I felt no feeling of the futility of war but a seething anger against a brutal oppressor. It was not a neutral version of history, devoid of emotion but a clear retelling of the Chinese side.

That is the magic of the architect and a curator sticking to a brief. A single minded brief - “Bring alive the horrors inflicted on the Chinese race by a brutal aggressor, in a way that we will never forget.”

I felt completely overwhelmed. Any design, architecture, advertising student must see this for themselves to understand how design can play with your emotions and feelings. This is propaganda at its best. The highest level. Propaganda is best when you don’t know you are being sold to but you are sucked inside by a vortex devoid of rhetoric.

And yes – the memorial doesn’t have an entry fee.

to err is parent

Life is all about ups and downs. There is no linearity in life. Some days you feel good and some days you feel down. Experience is nothing but knowing this and enjoying when you are up and not worrying too much when you are down. WE try and smoothen the curve by being less exuberant when we are on top. We try and save some money for the rainy day. We try and keep a little joy aside and try and share it with others who might be facing a down side. That is life.

When I was younger, much younger, I was told to save money for a rainy day. Rather I was told and fed into the brain that I must save. I will never forget that one day on my honeymoon, when Jasmine and I were walking from our hotel in Gwaldam to a Buddhist monastery nearby. We were walking and discussing our finances. My salary was not more than 10 thousand a month and we were planning what our expenses would be. It was 6 thousand to mm for running expenses and around 2 thousand a month for our expenses such as restaurants, roaming around etc and we had planned to save another 2 thousand for a rainy day – savings amounting to 24 thousand a year. I really thought that was a good number at the time.

What I did not realize that my salary and life would turn and turn again and I would find that number abysmally small. The salary itself would go up so much that you don’t really need to save money at the start of your career. So looking back, possibly I should have taken that money and blown it up on fun things and more vacations and a lot of other things that young couples would spend on. Possibly a few more dinners. At the start of one’s career, it is almost futile to save money. I see no point in it the amount being saved.

But the question is not on the amount but on the habit and principle of it. One must save as a matter of good governance. Otherwise one gets used to spending and then that is the end of it all. I think that 2 thousand a month was important as a beacon and not as amount in itself. It set the tone for us as a family that looked to save money from the money it made every month. It set eth tone for Jasmine and me that we will not go beyond our means and save whatever small amount we possibly could.

For any youngster that is starting off – a simple advice – enjoy life after setting aside a small amount – pre defined – in the equity market, either as direct investment in stocks or as a mutual fund investment.  That’s it – rest must be used to live life to the fullest. When any young kid asks me for investment advice, I first tell them to blow money on their passions. Travel, read, meet people, do a lot of fun things and try and achieve your objectives in life. You can only do that when you are younger. When age burdens you with responsibilities, so many things go off the window. I would think a 100 times today before jumping off a cliff in a hang glider today. I would have gladly done it as a 25 year old.

Youth must be enjoyed to the best of its ability. Money will follow. As you grow older, the simple principle is to not let your life expand at the same pace as your salary. This way you enjoy but you save an incremental percentage of your growth. That is the best way to look at life and money, and still live your life.

These days I am in a different zone as a parent. Many years ago the book I read on parenting told me the one rule that I won’t forget ‘permit where you can, protect where you must’. As Jispa is 15, I more than ever keep it in my head. I am trying my best to let go and stop being too protective about her. I keep having conversations with Jasmine on this. Jasmine and I often talk on how much we must allow her. Suppose there is a sleep over at a friend’s place from school – is this allowed? I understand where Jasmine is coming from. We don’t know the person properly and their family and hence must we send. Will this become a precedent? Will this be used again and again? I don’t know. Honestly, I tell her that ‘I don’t disagree with you’. Yes Jasmine is right but also Jispa is 15 now and she must learn to be away and make decisions for herself. She has to now take charge of her life. I keep telling that at 15 my parents had no clue what I was doing in life. I was on my own. What jasmine also reminded me was that I was always regretted that my parents did not push me right. All they did was give me lectures on studying but did not really create or manage my schedule that made me study. So in that respect Jasmine is right. We must push Jispa now. This is not the time to let go of the accelerator. After 15 years of hard work, this is not the time to give up.

But at the same time she needs an advocate on her side as well. So I guess that is my job. I at heart agree with jasmine but I fight myself and try and fight for freedom from Jispa’s side as well. That is important in the family. Now at this age we need to push the bar on what we allow. We have to let her free but slowly cut the umbilical cord. This is delicate procedure where you don’t know which side to err on. Safety first or freedom first. Sigh. Parenting is a tough job. Best of luck to you all.

buckets everywhere

Blogging is so important for your soul. Soul? Yup. It’s so important for my soul. It saved me yesterday.

Ten years ago things got bad and I had to leave home and set up my own home away. One of the things I managed to do is never ever fight with mom ever. We had our periods of talking or not talking, but I never did fight with her. I knew she is my mom and at the end of it she does care for me and she finally made me what I am.

When we were growing up shifting from Dubai to India was an episode I would have loved to forget. From plenty to nothingness. Then more crap happened as we moved here. My dad got his first massive heart attack and that was a tough blow for the family. Yes we had savings but it also meant that he would never be able to do his core job, that is as a civil engineer, walking up and down building steps as it is being constructed. We moved to our new home that they planned and we started to build our lives.

I remember having a lot of foreign things in the house as we transferred a lot from Dubai to India in the government scheme called TR (Transfer of Residence). This meant that we had a lot of stuff, but it also meant that all this quickly dwindled away. Mom started a nursery to keep the income going. We were never poor or disadvantaged at any point but it meant that we saw a contrast that as a kid I hated to see. I remember asking many things from my parents and a lot of the time, wasteful expense was not encouraged. So I guess, I heard more no’s that yes. As a kid I dint like it but I have blogged about this, that I now understand it and I bear no ill will towards my parents. I think given the circumstances that’s the best they could afford and that’s the best we could do. My blog helped me clearly explain this out for myself in my head.

On Saturday I was alone at home and I thought I could spend some time with mom. I called her and told her that I was coming home to dinner. I just wanted to spend time with her, chill around. So I spent the evening with mom. Later in the evening she told me that she wanted to buy me something for my new home which we were renovating. Ya mom, but I don’t need anything. Luckily I am earning enough and it’s not needed. Mom still insisted and she gave me a cheque. This was not the thing. She said something that in some ways just touched my heart. She said that when she had us kids growing up, we would ask for a lot of things and it would break her heart to say no to so many things. We couldn’t really afford it and hence she would be forced to say no. She said she hated doing that but had no choice. Now she has money and she wants me to buy things that I want. Hence take the money.

Oh dear dear me. It killed me. Ya. As a kid I was mindful of the fact that we had less money but also I think as a kid I asked for things. I know and thanks to the blog, I know for sure in my mind that I was aware of it and that I don’t hold that against anyone. I grew up. This blog yesterday saved my soul from being burnt with guilt.

Closer home to the present. We are building our home and we are going broke. Our complete cash flow is being compromised as we go over budget. But it’s our home and we are aware. Thanks to some circumstances we haven’t had a big holiday and we haven’t had a chance to go abroad as a family. Now with the house coming in and screwing our finances, it not happening soon either. So this time when my friend was taking kids to a diving trip to the Philippines, my first reaction was to say no. We can’t afford it – a straight 1.5L poof, gone, for one person. That was not happening. But Jasmine told me – its ok dad. Where we send her anywhere. We can’t go but at least she can. It’s not that we can’t manage. I was agreeing but I did not want to screw the finances. I would have had to sell my shares (hard assets) for this. Jasmine still said ‘for what do we have all this’. If at this age she cant go then when will she go? Every time something or the other comes up. I agree. It does. One HUGE regret, we didn’t go to Hong Kong Disney when she was the age for it. I still find myself a failure as I couldn’t take my kid to DIsneyLand. I always wanted to do it. I had the money at the time but the outlook was bleak and we postponed it and it then never happened.

So I agreed. Jasmine was right. She IS right. My sweet mom, is right trying to do amends. I can do it right away. Ya its big but it’s not that I can’t afford. It can be made up and we can manage. Jasmine and me discussed that at this stage, we are older and we can choose not to go diving. Instead of all of us going, let Jispa go thrice, its better bang for buck. Ya. I wanted to do scuba, sky diving, bungee jumping and other stuff. But I am not worried. I think I will manage to do it. I went to the silicon valley and met all the tech companies – that was one off the bucket list. The others will come. But at least a 15 year old can tick one for herself now. That’s a great age to develop passion and experiences. Not 42. The next age I think is 54. That should be fun.

I told my mom yesterday – mom, your kids are cool. They work hard and they enjoy their lives and they have money. Take all your money and live however you want to. Don’t leave a penny for us. Not a penny. So while she also told us no while we were kids, I also know, they told themselves no for so many things. Who are we to judge our parents or anyone in history.

History – today I did a long cherished dream. I was a tour guide to Elephanta. A couple of our friends came in from Canada. Two old women who are absolutely amazing. I took them there and showed them the caves and helped them understand a lot of Mumbai, India and the caves. This is my third visit to the caves and I loved it. I reread the book and now I am able to interpret it completely from my eyes and my angles. History is about interpretation and so is mythology. I see the caves very differently from how the others would. For me, it’s my own version of the story and the architecture. It what I want out of it and how I am able to share my vision with others. Wow. I was so thrilled. I took a laser pointer and took my friends to the caves. Soon enough, a guide came up to me and asked me if I needed a guide. NO. I am good. But they insisted. They said, they were ASI certified guides and only they could show the monument, not me. Yes – I understand you. But I am not a guide. I am friend. I am not charging any money and I am not soliciting any tourists inside the monument. How can you stop me? I am a banker and not a guide, you don’t see my face every day and please, there is no law against what I am doing. I was disturbed three to four times. I think not many understand that normal everyday people can also have a reservoir of knowledge and want to freely pass them on. Jokers. I had quite a few arguments and I was pissed. While leaving, they again confronted me and told me that it’s not right. I again stood my ground. There is no law on this. These are my friends and I can show them around, without you. Arggghhh. This was irritating. The guards were very reasonable. They came and asked me – are these your friends, then there is no issue. You can do it, it not against any rules. We left the place, but it was super fun. I loved it and I realized that I could explain this temple without a book and with ease and build a credible, or should I say incredible story around it. I am going to retire and be an official storyteller. The name of my company is going to be  - ‘Through My Eyes’. I hope to retire rich enough to start this passion where, we take super care of all the tourists and have a free model with an ability for the tourist to pay whatever he wants at the end of it. No questions asked. I don’t mind a small box at the end where I don’t even know, who paid how much, so people pay for value and not for show.

Then I took them to St Thomas Cathedral and in and around the Fort area. I loved the 8 hours I spent with them. It was beautiful. I told them, don’t thank me – my wife would tell you – I need to thank you for allowing me to do this. To be mistaken for a tour guide in Elephanta - One more off the bucket list!

brain wave

What is depression? I find it hard to understand it. I think it’s like hunger. You can write reams of paper on it but you can’t really understand it till you actually feel it. I have never be able to really understand it at its depths. I have seen a few patients suffer from it and I wonder. When I was younger I tried to get people off it by talking to them and by trying to counsel them, but this was pretty much useless. I leant that people have their own battles to fight and the reasons can be both purely biological and psychological. It’s easy to lecture when you are on the other side but it’s extremely difficult when you face it yourself, I guess.

No I am not depressed or experiencing extreme sadness for now, if you are wondering. But yes, I am facing some not so happy mood swings right now. They seem to be irritate me right now as I fight them off. A few things are triggering them – first when I was in US, the first Sunday that I was free and by myself was horrible enough. Sitting in a foreign town and wondering whom to talk to and what to do is tough enough for me. At 42, I have seen a lot of life. Earlier when I used to go abroad, or out of town there was a sense of newness and a sense of exploration and taking in the sights. But now I guess that also has worn off a bit and now some amount of déjà vu set it and it was a tough day. Plus I went to a family place like an aquarium and completely lost it. Alone, in a separate land with happy families around me –oh dear, I was so home sick. But funnily, it lasted till lunch. On a full stomach, I just felt a lot better. Possibly it was the biology of it more than the mind.

Right now, Jasmine is with Jispa in Delhi for an event for 7 days. This is really hard for me. I don’t like empty houses and I hate being alone without my family. Luckily I have a packed schedule but it still gets to me. I think I just get angry at the world and it comes out in funny ways. I have learnt to just smile and know that this too shall pass.

Coming back to depression. I can seem to understand some of this of what goes on in peoples mind. Right now my mind refuses to see reason and forgive or hold patience. It is angry and tired. I have to reign it in. Tougher said than done. This is a small and tiny bit of what I think depression goes through. Who can talk to you when you don’t want to listen? How can you will your brain to outwit itself? When you are pissed every argument is in favor of your brain and what it seems to think. Mind has a way to thinking itself to its own reason. This is crazier than ever. I have always believed that i have a decent mind but it thinks all the time.  Like my good friend Sonal tells me, I need to give my brain a rest. She threatens to give a coloring book. Nothing can be tougher for me than a coloring book. Doing aimless, completely aimless, irrational waste of time with no learning… oh dear me, I would completely fry out.

 So it’s difficult to understand how the brain works. We don’t understand how our own brain works and here we are supposed to lead a bunch of people and manage their brains as well. How the hell does it work? We have barely been able to deduce any of its contents and its functioning.

How do I try to manage my own brains and my complexity – let me tell you about myself more than about anyone else? I have learnt that my brain is quite a tireless worker and it needs to be constantly challenged. It seems to like a challenge and like to do interesting things. It wants to learn all the time and it wants to spread all its power for the common benefit of all. It has many moods but it can be coaxed by its different parts to allow itself to be molded. It can laugh at itself. Which I think is one of the biggest assets that it can have.

I have allowed the luxury of my brain to laugh at itself. This is not a small easy step. This is a significant step. This allows me to be sad or happy or cry or angry or anything and then look at myself and laugh. This way I understand what I am going through without really being too perturbed by it. I like to look at my own emotions form an outside in perspective. It helps me also realize how I am being perceived and help me evaluate myself slightly more objectively. And fundamentally – it helps me look at my own emotions and … and laugh at them. I don’t think I can after a point control my emotions. I can check them but they do give way and at that time all one can do is look at them and think about them. Once I think about them and laugh then I can change – either immediately or possibly learn from it for the future. This is the simple effect of laughing at yourself.

This is my brain and this is how it has worked for me in the past. But one thing is for sure, the brain is an extremely complex piece of work with so many factors working on it and changing it and shaping it. It is fool hardy to control it or manage it. One can only look at it and manage it one small dot at a time.

I think as I am getting older I am begging to sound more and more like a cynic. A lot of variables that I thought are under control on closer scrutiny give way to randomness and chance. Within chance how can you have the notion of control? And how can you then change it by force of will. I think change can be enforced by perseverance more than anything else. You can manage through a concerted effort over a period of time by consciously trying and getting better at it, slowly. I have learnt many things and I have learnt a lot by simply seeing other people in action. But I think I also learnt a lot by seeing myself in action. Seeing what my rational or irrational mind is up to, playing these decisions again and again in my head and then seeing if I could improve them. This has been the cornerstone of my improvement program.

You know yourself the best and you have only yourself to fool. Yes my brain has fooled myself on multiple occasions but at least I try to learn from it. I may choose to get screwed again but then I know it was my fault. It’s been fun living this dual identity in my head. The ability to look at myself from an outside in perspective. It’s been lovely.

Here before you go, a lovely video explaining why you shouldn’t listen to your parents for your career decision. I have been seeing that propagating that thought forever. Don’t listen to your parents. They mean very well and they have your best concerns at their heart – exactly why you should not be listening to them. No good ever came about from listening to your parents on career. I try and explain the various skills required to Jispa but I definitely do not try and influence her career decision. I hope she doesn’t take a lot of my advice. Right now – I am constantly advising her one thing – learn to code. That’s my hangover from the US trip. Learn to code. Anything you do in life will be dictated by your coding knowledge, more than anything else. No profession will be immune from code. NONE. Bet your dad never gave you that advice. My dad advised me to learn computers, I disregarded it … joker..

a lemon and a peach market

No matter how bad the mood, the greatest joy I have found is in enjoying the company of your family. It was good that the last few months of my previous employment was a bit of a tough one. I used the time and the experience to grow smarter and tougher. I find it easier to deal with less catastrophic issues.

I have had some rough times in my career and many of them were earlier on in my life. These helped me prepare for a lot of shit that seemed to have followed. Of course it follows in different ways. Sometimes, there is boss trouble, sometimes there is peer trouble, sometimes, unrelated colleague trouble and sometimes employee trouble. Trouble doesn’t come with a standard tag or a name. You learn to deal with it and you learn about the vagaries of life while dealing with it. One of my reactions over a period of time is to simply buckle down and try and build a cocoon around yourself. Talking about it doesn’t really help. Hence sometimes I look at people talking about it to others and taking advice, making me wonder, if this was really helpful. Once in a while taking advice is good but more than that is to my view not healthy.

Over a period of time, I have realized that sitting, chatting and discussing with other people on various issues is a good thing. But consistently talking about your problems and looking for advice is practically useless. The old adage is that people say that you shouldn’t leave so much within yourself. It’s not good. Well – that’s a yes and a no. I think in life I have learnt to just simply contain a lot of the anguish and pain within myself. It served me well. Opening up did really do me good. I like the way men (archetype) are friends with each other (sounding sexist). We chat, we discuss and we move on. We simply don’t dwell too much on emotional issues. There are 100 different versions of this and counter versions, but I am discussing the archetype. Ok – forget the disclaimers. I am talking about the thing that when screwed, probably a response that allows you to just box it mentally and manage your other life well, possibly works best. In managing your other life, the time spent with your loved ones is something you cherish the most.

I love the way Jasmine fights with me these days. Or should I say – I love the way she responds when I fight with he these days. Whatever – it’s fun. I shout, she gets angry and in 30 seconds we are back, smiling at each other. It’s not personal. We fight and we just get back. No egos, no making up with each other – just the quiet confidence that we love each other more than what the fight is all about. That’s the only way we can manage to get through all the stuff that we are managing to do these days. Jispa’s swimming, the new house that we are planning about moving to, all the decor and the arrangements. It’s not possible to do all this and not fight. And it’s not possible to have good memories if we fight and sulk. Right now it’s going great and we are doing just fine on how we are doing up the house. Enough fights and enough fun times and a lot work trying to visualize all the work.

Coming back. I was in a horrendous mood since yesterday evening thanks to some crappy work I was seeing at work. But I liked the way I simply put my head down, slept through and when I woke up I decided to spend time with Jispa and jasmine at the dining table and take effort to smile and chat with them. There – I felt much better and I realized what real truth in life is.

Coming to which – Jispa is a real joker. She loves what she calls the ‘papa’ smell. Every time I wake up from sleep and I hug her she gets papa smell from my t shirt. So she makes it a point to sniff me when I wake her up. One day, out of the blue in the morning, I woke up removed my t shirt and threw it on her face and went for bath. After some time when she woke up she loved the fact that the t shirt was on her. Her words “I was dreaming that I was in a meadow and smelling flowers and the flowers were smelling of ‘papa smell’.” Hah! Jasmine didn’t know where to look. She rolled her eyes and was wondering to her self – these two are crazy.

With Jispa I have a pact going – she allows me to kiss her nose and I allow her to bite my arm. It’s an irrevocable pact. Now we have another pact that I engineered. I throw my t-shirt on her in the morning and allows me to give a kiss on her ear lobe twice a day. Her only condition is that I don’t do a slurp kiss. Hahaha. I engineered this one and in the morning I was explain to her – that thanks to this understanding a lot of benefits happened. First – she gets the t-shirt every day, second, I get to kiss her properly and not just sneak one on her ears while I am hugging her, third, I am forced to give a proper one – the one that she doesn’t really mind and fourth – it’s a sanity situation where I am constrained to two a day. All benefit when a trading pact happens. It benefits the whole ecosystem.

Today morning I was reading about The Market for Lemons. Here the economist Akerlof argues that in the market for used cars, there exist asymmetrical information. The buyer doesn’t know about the car quality but the seller does (which is the lemon and which the peach is). Over period of time, thanks to a trust deficit, the average price of the car being bought by the buyer will gravitate towards the middle, the average of the peach or the lemon. This will drive the peaches out of the market and then you are left with only lemons. This drives all the buyers out.

 An interesting quote from the paper: “The cost of dishonesty, therefore, lies not only in the amount by which the purchaser is cheated; the cost also must include the loss incurred from driving legitimate business out of existence”

The book I was reading spoke about how this paper is important in understanding that asymmetrical information is important in driving business out. With internet and apps and the platforms that it has mushroomed – people are able to rate each other and information can be democratized. This is the example of Uber allowing both the passenger and the driver to rate each other and similarly the case in AirBnB. It allows everyone to participate and the world becomes a more vibrant space. Trip advisor allowed the smaller hotels with exceptional service and no marketing budgets to beat the big hotels on ROI and occupancy rate. Information thus democratized forces people to improve their service or the lunch will move from the big stupid seller to the smart nimble seller on the basis of interactions that have been positive.

I have seen this thing in action. As Trip advisor and other review sites mushroomed the world became such a smaller place, such an accessible place, such a beautiful place. When I was in SFO I realized that to get anywhere to anywhere you just need Uber. This is a huge thing. Earlier you would wonder before takinga taxi in a new place – is cheating you, or taking you on the longer route or anything. Here all that friction is just taken care of. One other thing about uber – I have written about this in the past – is that in Mumbai it has caused a lot of congestion. I reaslie that it is in part thanks to the laws of the land. Here an average car owner cannot just switch on to become an Uber driver. He has to have a commercial registration and a yellow number plate. In US you can simply turn on the Uber app (some pre verification) and boom – you are an executive by day and an Uber driver on the way home. This is the ultimate Uber dream. Your car is idle and parked for 90% of the time. With Uber – you can simply sweat the asset through the day. Laws here stop that and hence the congestion. If you transform the laws, possibly you will have Uber and less congestion. That’s the great thing.

So it’s interesting, how Uber is relevant and the innovation has potential to really decongest the city. The ultimate Uber holy grail – Pooled, autonomous, electric vehicles. Now  that’s crazy. That’s serious transportation solutions. It uses existing infrastructure to provide a solution that promises to work and get the hassle off the commute. And without government spending.

That’s the power of innovation, freethinking and the ability to do business with minimal government regulation. That’s the case for regulation to reduce. And that’s the reason or trade. Trade allows rules to be formed that work well for all parties. Jispa gets my used t shirt and I get her ear lobe. Win win and everyone loses if the contract is broken. Speaking of which – distributed ledgers…. Some other day…

dead men walking

When I was growing up I lived in Dubai and obviously I grew up in a privileged environment. I realized how privileged I was when I returned to India from Dubai as kid. I have written about it in my past blogs that I was super pained about India and all the adjustments I have had to do. Sometimes I wonder how mom and dad managed to make the transition from desi economy to petroleum economy and back to desi. What I remember of it was that they adjusted very well. From a Toyota Crown he went to a scooter with a buggy attached and he was happy taking his family across town, roaming around and getting back to the humdrum of Mumbai life. I remember thinking about how cool kids we were to be ‘Dubai returned’ and that how many times we had flown on an airplane. That was super cool. In an era when AC travel was the ultimate luxury, airline travel was the greatest thing ever, and I in my 9 odd years had flown 18 times. Hah! I am too cool.

I also remember feeling rich and cool when I took Jispa and Jasmine on a vacation via a flight! Cut to the last vacation when to experience train travel we came back from Delhi via train and that felt cool. No matter how unique our experiences, over time mind adapts to everything and they aren’t so cool anymore. The novelty wears out and you get back to the humdrum of the known.

This last two weeks, I had the privilege of going to the US. I have always wanted to go to the US. US is the final frontier. It’s the greatest land ever, where arguably the greatest civilization ever existed, in the history of mankind (my proclamation, not backed by anything factual). It is an unsurpassed rich nation with supreme military prowess. It built this great nation, uniquely – only by immigrants. It is the ultimate example that you can build a great nation by attracting the best of the best from all over the world and only those hardy enough to make the journey will make it there and therefore natural selection will ensure that the collection of these individuals make for a great nation state. Amazing nah? NO. not so. The new world were not one but two. Even the South Americas were used as an occupation land by essentially the same mix of colonizers from Europe, but not to the same effect that US has had.

The argument is that US firmly believed in the simple adage that men govern themselves best when left to themselves. They actively hate higher government involvement and want as less of governance as possible. Also – they simplified and cleaned up their land records to allow the squatters to simply claim the land and move on. Both these forces acted as a catalyst and along with an amazing wealth of natural resources, the North American region experienced a wave of prosperity and domination that the world has probably not seen before. Possibly it was also lucky that it was so far removed from the rest of the world that the world wars never reached it shores ( barring – one Jap airplane, a few random bombs and pearl harbor). It was able to keep its industry intact and keep producing for the rest of the world.

The Arab states also got a rich natural dividend in the form of oil and so did Venezuela and some Nordic states. Except the Nordic states which decide to invest it returns in the form of a sovereign fund held on behalf of its citizens the rest have no real greatness to show for it.

All said – THE US OF A is a dramatic story of our times and is the Ultimate destination for the ambitious. It was a fascination for me for long. The few countries that I wanted to visit. I have been lucky that through my travels thanks to my work, I have been able to visit a lot of countries and see the places. It has always been an exciting learning experience. When I was growing up, I never did realize that I would one day be able to see all these places. I remember the first time I got to go to London on a work visit. It was the place that my dad worked for a year or so before I was born and I thought it was amazing that after so many years I managed to go there. It was especially special for me as for some vanity led reason I was excited to travel there in business class. Of course this was the crazy cheap money fueled boom of 2004 till 2008 and travel was cheap and money was cheaper.

This time I was excited to travel to San Francisco on work. My job was to go as a part of a delegation and meet the hot tech companies for US dominating the world. Google, Facebook, AirBnb, Adobe, Microsoft, Oracle, uber etc. It was an amazing line up and promised to be an amazing experience. And it was. Now that I am back, I am full of stories and insights and thoughts on how to change the world. But that was expected. What I found every interesting is not to understand how the tech works. That one can sit in India and surf the internet and get a sense of all the tech driving the world. But when I went to SFO, I realized how the air is over there. There no one cares how big you are. Everyone believes that you are just one innovation away from disruption and obsolescence. The people all think big and solve world problems. No one is looking at small issues. I also realized how the tech is real and the tech is now. We always knew about the tech of self driving cars and other applications of Artificial intelligence but when you go there you realize that when the world’s best companies with the world’s best people are putting their brains on the problem, the pace of the adoption of technology is greatly accelerated and can be real faster than what one can imagine it to be. It’s crazy there. This makes one feel that the impossible is now and achievable.

I am reminded of the cheesy dialogues of the movie Raees in which Shah Rukh khan mouths dialogues that the air of Gujarat is filled with trade, how can you stop it. Here listen to all the dialogues. Almost everyone is filled with the air of San Francisco. The enterprise culture filled with a  belief that all is possible unless expressly forbidden (that too seems negotiable) along with the intellectual capital brought to the place by the two world class universities, makes for a potent cocktail of imagination and achievement.

So my greatest learning is the culture of thought and scale of amibition. And the potent combination it becomes as a cluster when you are able to attract the world’s best all together in one place. SFO is a crazy open culture where I could see first-hand what amazing things an open culture can bring about. In SFO you can be what you want to be without a second glance. You can be brown red or yellow. You can have blue or red hair. You can be a techie or a dreamer or a painter. All feel welcome in the city. I was so much at home. It’s a good thing that I was there for 12 days. It gave me a chance to breathe the city and feel it from the core. It was quite a rich experience.

But here also, the first few days were heady and as time wore on, one got used to the experience and it ceased to amaze me as such. One of the things I always seem to think of when I step on a foreign locale, I think to myself ‘the laws of physics work the same’. Hah. That’s something I have always thought to myself. It’s a way of saying – its ok… it may be the most beautiful place or the most intersing coveted place or the richest country in the world – at the end – the laws of physics apply equally and you feel equally heavy or light as you take your first few steps. It’s something that I always think of. I think it keeps me grounded as I explore the city.

The fun bit – when I fly into the US, a friend knows a friend who is some senior person and I got upgraded.. to first class. So if I went to London on a business class ticket – I managed to reach the Americas on a first class seat. That is one thing one get used to. Some small confusion ensued on the way back and I was relegated to the economy section. Bah! I did get first hand experience what a 16 hour flight feels like as a common man. Short answer – not pretty.

All said – an amazing experience which I have recanted many times to many people already. It’s good this way as now it will stay fresher in my head. Soon enough I have to make notes on this to present to various different people. Hopefully I would be able to condense these experiences in a way that is engaging and relevant. I loved the chance that I got. I look back at this and realize that this is also a function of the thought process that I bring to the table and the ability for me to think imaginatively and help people. I owe this strictly to myself, while of course I will have a million to thank for.

I also figure that now that I am reasonably senior and that I have reached a higher level in corporate life, a lot of eyes are at me and that they must be looking at me wondering how I got here or how big I must be – going to SFO and meeting different people and understanding tech. I think it’s my role to now talk to a lot of people about my experience and teach them about what I Iearnt. I spoke yesterday to all the management trainees at lunch and I explained to them that all their jobs are going to change in the next ten years. I explained that all their jobs will be automated and that the world as they see it will no longer exist in tier work lives. When I joined the workforce there was no internet and there was no automation. Now the world is changing fast and the workforce skill sets are completely different. Of my last 20 odd years of working, only the last 7 have some value and that is also getting fast obsolete.

It’s going to be interesting to be relevant in a fast changing world. Who will win at the end of it all is anyone’s guess. The kids were then asking me ‘so what should we do now’. I don’t know, was my honest answer. I don’t know what will be there in the future, but one thing I know for sure – it won’t be what you are doing for now. Be aware and always look for something new to do. Things are moving, recognize them and try and be on top of things. Be ready to encourage change and be ready to move in new directions.

Change dear boy change. The future is now and you don’t even know of it yet. I see dead men walking.

the old will inherit the earth

There is so much to learn from everyone and everything. A few years ago when the founder of the bank I worked in, was given a kabaddi team to own and manage, he turned to the marketing head and he in turn, turned to me. I jumped at the opportunity. I had in my team a marketing resource who was ready to work on it with me. Later on, I migrated him full time into the team and now is the CEO of the team. Yesterday when I met him at the match venue, it was amazing to see him grow into an independent manager and he had managed through the force of his strong will and extremely amiable personality to run the fortunes of the team around. While being a part of this team’s journey and process, I too learnt a lot about the complex business of sports and the even more complex business of talent management.

When the coach and the captain are at cross roads who do you back? The answer is not so easy. When you have to choose one, who do you choose? The Indian cricket team was at this dilemma some time back. They had a captain who was young, aggressive and energetic. A player who might finish as one the greatest ever and a team who was moving into a brand of aggressive cricket, not seen by Indians before. This cricketer, Virat was given a free hand and he set upon destroying and rebuilding the team in his aggressive mould. He was the first captain we saw in a long time who decided to play 5 bowlers in a test match. This is serious aggression. The norm was to go in with 4 bowlers so that you can pack an extra batsman. Batsman typically help you consolidate your match while a bowler is what you go for when you want to force the game. Batsman react and defend and then wear down the opposition to win you the match. A bowler in a test match plots to get the batsman out and win the match. Bowlers are the artillery and batsmen are the moat for a test match.

Then news filtered out from the dressing room that the captain was not getting along with the coach. The coach was Anil Kumble, possibly one of the greatest players of the game. He was not too long ago an aggressive leg spinner with a different bowling style and was India’s go to man in any match situation. Leg spinners are an aggressive wily breed. They have deception, flight and variation; plus they love getting hit. The more a legspinner gets hit the more he loves it as that increases the chances of getting wickets. Also Anil Kumble for the first Indian test captain to start giving it back to the Aussies real hard and in Australia. He took on a side that was being built in the aggressive mold by Ganguly and then pushed it over before turning it to his successor. He added discipline, team work and aggression to the team.

Then immovable object met unstoppable force. When Virat and Kumble sparred, the board was forced to choose. They choose Virat. Kumble was asked to leave and another ex indian captain, known to leave a lot to the captain was taken in by the team. Which is the mot question. Who is the boss? Is it the coach or is it the captain. Cricket is different from football. In football, its not that important to have a great inspirational captain. You cant really control the pace of the game and strategize while at play. You practice set pieces and then the team executes them on the field. Cricket is almost all captain. The captain makes a decision every ball. He has the ability to set the field, make bowling changes and give instructions to the bowler every ball. He can decide to force the pace of the game or slow it down. He controls the batting order and keeps the strategy flowing. A captain is integral to the team and the coach has limited role to play while the match is in flow.

Kabaddi is also a bit of that. Every raid or defense, the captain controls the team on the mat. My kabbadi team is in a similar dilemma. We have had our share of captains and coaches. The moot question is facing us right now. Who is the boss? The captain or the coach. Who is the boss? We face this dilemma in office as well. It’s the work ethic versus the personality ethic question. Who is right?

The role of the star player is to perform but within the strategy of the coach. In kabaddi the coach very clearly told the star captain – don’t attempt the bonus against the corners, there are ankle specialists there. The captain promptly went and did just that and got out – twice. So now what happens? Who gets the boot? The coach or the star.

There is no easy answer to this. I have my answers but I also know in my heart that they are not so black and white, and definitely not easy. It comes from a perspective of the immediate ambition or long term health. My answer is easy – you have to know what the system that you are trying to create. To me the right answer is that the coach is the absolute total authority and that he manages the team and the strategies and that he is the right person in such situations. I have always believed that process over personality in the long run. But that also means that I have by definition removed the personality from flourishing. That is a serious mistake to make. If you remove the personality then all you get is clones who are designed to simply follow orders and commit themselves to the process. This is the start of the bureaucracy. Look at me. I want the process for everyone but I want personality for myself. Such a two faced ass I turned out to be. Personalities are important as they take society forward, they take companies forward, they break norms and they challenge status quo. But Process is important it brings predictability to the process and they have the ability to give consistent results. The theoretical answer to this that the coach’s job is to put in a process that people follow but also allow personalities to emerge and flourish.

There, so easily said. But so difficult to follow through. In fact I think it’s impossible to do it. The problem is this is so easy and apparent in hindsight. Hindsight. It is impossible to see it coming when you are leading the pack in a certain direction. This is the bleeding edge of leadership and team dynamics. How to allow mavericks to perform within bureaucracy – consistently. Now that I look at myself, I don’t understand what I am. I am a personality and a process guy all rolled into one. I want process but I also know that personalities exist and for a good reason. For myself, I allow my personality to flourish and manifest in various situations at various points of time. But at the same time I firmly believe in the power of process to make things work. The ability to constantly follow a norm and a pattern so as to get the efficiencies of scale and predictability. The plan must work. Like a bowler who consistently bowls a nagging line outside the off stump to irritate the batsman more than getting him out. Or a batsman – like me who was not so good in the A team but played a 45 over match. Here we scored heavily in the 20 over but lost wickets and I got my batting as the 8^th or 9^th batsman in the 22^nd over. I batted like a joker and refused to play any shots as my job at that time was simple – bat out the 45 overs and tire and frustrate the opposition. That’s process and personality for you. I made the process of shutting out the game and not playing my natural style for 23 overs my personality. Process over personality.

This is one of the yo yo issues. As I said before, the cop out is to say – know when to use what. Or even better – the process must allow for mavericks to be within the process and shine. All this is easy consultant speak and impossible practical implementation. Managing people is an art and science at the same time. That’s why at different times, different people emerge as ideal leaders. Some do well in a crisis and some do well in peace. The trick is in understanding one from the other. Not in selecting one from the other – just a simple understanding. Because no matter what you select the odds of selecting eth right one is like tossing a coin. You have no real clue on what is really going to work. In hindsight it all comes out insightful and there are learnings to take on board. Going in – it’s impossible to know what to do.

Yet the belief for me is – process still counts. Push for process as without it you are doomed to fail. You cannot scale and you cannot build consistency. As for personality – at all times look to nurture personality. Allow for idiosyncrasies. Allow them to grow without disrupting too many people. They can disrupt the process but not the people alongside. They are important as they are the only ones who can bring about meaningful change. The others follow. Both have their own place in the sun. Balancing the two is a fine act. There comes the tyranny of ‘or’ versus ‘and’. Very few people can manage ‘and’, for the most of us it is an ‘or’ choice. That’s why when people manage ‘and’, magic happens. That’s why we have so few of these cases and that’s the reason when it happens, history gets rewritten.

As I have grown older I have realized that I am an ordinary mortal soul in the universe. I may not be destined for greater things. I am a simple father setting in motion a set of things for others to build out of. I see no greatness and I have no pretense of one. It will be difficult to do / achieve anything spectacular. In office, I am sure there are 30,000 people who love to be one day reach my level. But that is not greatness or anything to be proud of. It’s a passage of time with common sense.

When I was much younger, I shudder to think of what a hot headed dumb bum I was. Now I know I am a little less of it. I may still be dumb headed but at least I have the wisdom to acknowledge it and hence learn from it. Can you really change so much. I don’t know. May be not. May be you can reduce the intensity but when your guards are down you will again show your real side.

This does sound like a little bit of a depressed post with little hope for change. I don’t mean it to be thus. It is a reflection of the little mental setbacks that I am getting these days, I guess. It’s just a way to make up for the optimism that   I have exhibited in some of my past posts. I think I have written, rather naively about the belief that people can change and that managing people is a simple equation and a question of behavior. I guess it’s not. It’s far more complex than this. People will not change so easily and the group dynamics are far too complex than anything else. Possibly right now, I am in a zone that says, that the answers are complex and that opposites may not reconcile so easily.

Eesh. I now understand why older men are wiser and understand discretion to valor equation. I am growing older and the only wiser thing I know is that no one can really get much wiser …hehehe.

the shape and taste of happiness

Something nice happened last week. One morning as Jasmine was sleeping, Jispa and I were awake. I had to make myself some breakfast. I can make myself a decent dosa adjusting the thickness depending on the batter. I had learnt how to make a dosa from my sister many years ago. Mom never liked me in the kitchen. I think most women can handle men who are asking too many questions and bringing logic and science into the kitchen. Jasmine also hates teaching me to cook and she hates teaching Jispa to cook. She just wants us to get out of the kitchen. Jasmine used to be a lazy cook. I think in the last ten years of us living separately from moms and moms in law, she has evolved as a cook. She now knows what she does and what are the consequences to that? So if she cooks something that we don’t like there is a leftover and if she cooks adding a special ingredient, then the food gets over. Simple things. This is an interesting life lesson (or a marketing lesson) – you can teach cooking as much as you like, but the real deal is an iterative process with a constant feedback loop. Jasmine was aware to the consequences and did not believe in stupid consumer research by asking the respondent what you like. Ask and you will be lied to, but if you see the response to your actions then that is the best truth.

A lot of product development and marketing thought these days is similar to that. It requires managers to tell themselves and the others that we don’t know “I don’t know” and start from there. Gone are the days of big massive projects that take 6 months to year. Journeys are now an amalgamation of short sprints to achieve simple success. You put it out in the market and see the reaction to your product. That’s the only truth. You can’t ask if the recipe will be good. You cook it and see how much was eaten. Then you make small small changes to it and see how the bottom of the bowl was scrapped. That’s the only way to know. Jasmine intuitively got it right. When we discuss what to cook next she knows what will go down Jispa’s throat. She knows that certain foods get eaten more and certain foods will have leftovers. That is the ultimate truth. She figured out the futility of asking Jispa “you like this?”. Dhoodhi chana daal is the ultimate version of this. It was looks very unappetizing and sounds very Bleh! But every time, it’s eaten and finished. She will always get a NO if this is suggested but is always eaten when it is made. DON’T ASK A CONSUMER FOR HIS OPINION. YOU WILL BE LIED TO.

Coming back – I learnt to make dosas from my sis, many years ago and then I have honed my technique over time. So when Jispa saw me make my dosas, she wanted to learn from me. I have the proud distinction of being the dad who taught her daughter how to spread a dosa on the pan. I taught her to pour first spoon of batter and spread it. Keep the spoon light. Spread it in circles and keep the appropriate pressure. Then I encouraged her to make bigger dosas with two spoonfulls of batter. Then I taught her to flip it right etc. It was very satisfying to teach her this stuff.

I think of cooking like swimming. It’s a basic life skill. You need to learn to swim, run, catch a ball, jump, speak, argue and cook. Basic life survival skills. Tomorrow when Jispa is alone somewhere and is hungry, she can always get out a batter and cook herself a dosa or a pancake and be quiet in the memory that her dad taught her to make the perfect dosa to desired thickness. For me dosa making is an act of zen in which you are required to achieve a desired state of achievement. And when you are going to eat your own dosa, then the exam taker, the supervisor and the examiner is all rolled into you. At that time how will you fare. First my dosas were misshaped, then they got rounder. Now for some reason Jispa and I both like my dosas to be oval in shape. She finds them cute (whatever) and I find them just the natural way to make the dosa. A circle seems very forced and an oval is the right human hand outcome. I haven’t yet deciphered the physics of it all, but I just feel it’s the right shape.

So it was awesome to sit and have breakfast while Jispa made me some amazing dosas. For some reason I loved them more than any other doasa. I also remember the first time Jasmine cooked for me. It was potato and tomato sabzi. I remember that very well and I hope to remember this day very well as well. Ah!

jigsawing together

So now we are taking concrete actions to move into our new home. The Chembur home has been an interesting journey. I have written parts of this before, so I will be short - Many years ago when my salary rose without a corresponding increase in expense, we saw ourselves spending money on random things. First in the line of random things I bought was a wrist watch. I like wrist watches and I like nice wrist watches but I would have to admit – spending money on them and spending big money on them is pretty much the stupidist thing in the world to do. A cheap watch worth a 100 bucks will do the exact same job. But sure – I wanted a better watch and one day a friend of mine contacted me. He was in Victorinox and they had an employee sale for the watches. I saw a watch I liked. The scratch proof glass, the complete steel finish and a dark olive, extremely simple dial, with a date function. I loved it. The retail price was 26,000 and I was getting it for 16,000 bucks. A steal. I bought it. A few days later I looked at Jasmine and asked her, what on earth are we doing. We are flush with cash and we are blowing it. Let’s look at buying a new, better house. That’s how we bought our second house at Chembur.

 We then bought it and then went complete broke. We had no money for anything else except the EMIs. That was one phase of my life that I remember very well. I was earning well and I was broke. Eeps. What a dirty phase of life it was. We started eating exclusively at the gymkhana restaurant as it was the cheapest thing in the world to do. Our menu was bare bones and simple. Two soups, one starter (optional), one sabzi and four rotis. It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

This was on for three years and when we did get possession of the flat, we promptly put it on rent for around four years now. Finally now, economics and desire have met. Like many good things in life, I got none of them on a platter. I had to work for each and every one of them. We have now decided to shift. Now another big project for the family starts.

The best moments with Jasmine over the years have been when we work on projects together. When we have to do things together we invariably have a good time. Of course we fight and argue and disagree with each other. We also invariably dump work on each other – you do this, no… you do this. That’s the fun bit. The real work is when we realize that both of us have to pull our weight and start thinking and doing. Most of the time, one of us has already done some mental thinking and home work and then we remind each other of the work.

Just a handy tip for getting along – when there is work you have to show intention of doing and being a part of it, even if you cant really add much value. For example the fact that I volunteer to help with what I can do is most of the time enough for Jasmine while doing household chores. While se designs stuff for the house, the fact that I sit with her and help her and think through as well is important. Same with her helping me as well. You have to get of your butt and show intent. Then you can add value and then work together. Then you can build something much more than what you have built. Most of the value is in the bond you keep forming and strengthening.

Most of the time working jointly on projects without the problem of credit is where you build bonds. These can be in form of crisis or opportunities. With my students also I have built some interesting bonds, by being there when they want me. Most of the time it’s just a sounding board where they just need someone to talk to and think through the issues. These mini crisis help people empathize deeply with each other and then that’s where the connections starts to happen.

I keep telling that Jispa is another project by itself. Her swimming is a project. Her schooling is a project and her different issues that we have to counter is a project. Only by having these projects we have manage dot build for selves, an interesting bond. When Jispa moves on in life and we have settled into a groove for retirement, I wonder what the project will be. I guess that’s why parents insist of becoming grand parents. They are in search of projects. I hope we don’t create any such rubbish for Jispa.

For now – the new house is going to be an interesting project by itself. It’s good to think together, work together, understand each other, crib and then let go of the cribs, and it’s beautiful to have your daughter involved in the project now. We have her in it, taking her opinions and preferences as well. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle that the family puts together. I like it.

jesting matters

Jasmine was called to school the other day as Jispa was feeling quite unwell. She had cramps in the stomach and it was paining quite a bit. When the Jasmine rushed to school, the sister first thought it was a case of an anxiety attack. An anxiety attack? For what joy? The physics exam was scheduled and possibly that was a trigger. Jasmine told the sister that is seriously unlikely and Jispa is not like that. Of course it was something else that we got treated with the doctor. But I don’t let Jispa hear the end of it. I keep asking her just to irritate her on how her anxiety attack is doing. Hehehe. Evil father.

Yetserday while going to school, we were talking. She was talking about how some of the kids in the class actually get an anxiety attack before exams and they get all stressed about exams. I had her about how she felt. “No I don’t feel stresses before an exam because you taught me not to. You always told me not to worry before an exam. Whatever will be will be”. Yes I did teach her that.

I was telling her that when I was her age and before and after, the only thing that my parents knew was that education was the ticket to prosperity. In many ways they were right. That era did not have so many options that you can pursue without necessarily being highly educated. Her class is full of kids of parents who have achieved a lot or are ambitious. Me – I am not too ambitious. I am aggressive but not that ambitious. Yes I want you do well, and I want to do well myself, but only as so much as to put a decent meal on the table and to enjoy the simple happy life. I don’t see myself as ambitious as the others in office. I don’t want my ambition to be Jispa’s ambition.

Ambition was something that I had when I was in college and when I was doing my MBA. I then realized (when I don’t know) that ambition takes a huge toll on people and the family around it. It nice to be ambitious but all ambition comes with consequences. Who pays for these consequences is a million dollar question. You pay for sure, but your family and your peers also pay for it. Happiness comes from making life smaller not bigger.

Of all the things, I want for Jispa is for her time with us to be happy. I want her to think of her growing up as more fun than anything else. Yes, it should be full of learning but not be burdened by it. I grew up with the pressure of exams and it stayed with me till late. I didn’t want that for her. There will be enough and more things to be stressed about, of all things exams shouldn’t be. Right now she is still a bit carefree about exams as she doesn’t hold the pressure of expectations as much. But later on when she puts a lot into her studies with the burden of her own expectations then it would be a different ball game all together, that’s when the penny drops or the cookie crumbles? It should be fun to see.

No I don’t want her to be so stressed about it at all. I want her to enjoy her life. She should be able to follow her heart and take risks in life. She should be able to tell her boss to take a hike and she should be able to take off and see the world.

I keep telling her that life is a series of experiences that one needs to have to complete. The more varied the better. Right now, Jasmine and me are tempted to get into another long term investment commitment. But I am done! NO. I want to now spend the next 4 years with the ability to get Jispa to try and try different things, explore new places and enjoy life. In any case, at 42, I don’t have the same desire for adventure that I had at 22. I would die to jump out of a plane in a parachute. It’s nice, but not on the top of my list for now.  So I also realize that right now what I have as desires will be different from when I what I will have ten years from now.

So for the first time, I am keeping my immediate priorities over the longer term ones. It’s interesting to grow older and see for yourself how your own priorities have changed or are in the process of changing.

On another completely different note: today I had the pleasure of watching / reading two pieces of journalism. One was a straight piece from a journalist who interviewed my previous boss and completely exposed his ideas. It was serious stuff. In the startup industry when everybody is going into a gold rush and refusing to look at data that is staring them in the face, it takes someone to get up and call the bluff, tell that the emperor is naked. Startups are great at innovation and trying new things but that does not automatically mean they are successful. In fact a lot of them are going to die. They will not survive because mere disruption is not the recipe for success. Success requires a lot of other things, the ability to manage people, the environment, the ability to adapt at various points of time and good old bull headedness. My previous boss was a good sales guy but at some time he over reached and things got weird. Someday, much later I will write about my experience. There are important reasons why I must not open my mouth now. Firstly – right now I am likely to be more critical than what is warranted and secondly the ability for time to give me perspective. Things were in a haze, they move fast in a startup. You end up with a lot of emotions when you refuse to see the writing on the wall and before you know it, things have moved under your feet. Secondly – time also gives you wisdom. It helps you see things in a better perspective. My last job wasn’t bad at all. It’s only towards the end things got weird. If you want bad jobs, the first one that I ever did was bad. And that too after twenty years I look on with sanguine eyes. I don’t blame anyone and it was in many ways a great learning experience.

Coming back – the piece was interesting and insightful. Not to me – I knew the whole story but to a lay reader I would imagine it to be very interesting. The journo got her facts right as well as her research and balance. It was for the first time, and after a long time an article that was worth reading. Normally I see journos just write whatever the spokesperson blurts out and reports it verbatim. It’s stupid and I stopped reading the papers thanks to these jokers. But this piece was especially well written. Good journalism is to tell the emperor that he naked and that he has no clothes on. This one exposed all the stupid venture capital guys who invest on a slide deck that loks pretty and has little logic. Some basic assumptions go out for a toss and things go horribly wrong, horribly. The debris from the hubris will be paid for in the form of broken careers and human costs.  But then that doesn’t go on balance sheets, does it?

The other way to tell the emperor is to use the court jester. Here you can joke away and sing a song but still criticize the ruler in way that no one can take offence. Right now an actress Kangana Ranaut is staying in the news by carrying the flag of women independence and taking a stand against nepotism. This wouldn’t work for long in Bollywood. Slowly but surely, the doors will close in on her as she gets isolated. I have argued for nepotism as a commercial call in Bollywood. Nepotism exists as it commercially viable, but that is a story for another day. But for now, she is seen in this video which takes massive potshots at the male star culture, nepotism and the never aging male hero who romances women 30 years younger! Without my comment on the same topic, here, look at the video – worth watching

Of course this chick is very smart. She knows how to stay in the news before her movie. But it’s still an awesome watch! And it has a valid role in a society.. a very valid and important role!

Who do we belong to?

Who does the nation belong to and what is the role of the government. This is a question that has had me oscillating forever. When I was a student and full of hot blood, it was best used a socialist. The upliftment of the downtrodden and the poor was a priority. As I grew older and I wanted money to fuel my dreams and my passions, I was clear – survival of the fittest and capitalism is the best answer to the question of poverty. I think over the years capitalism has been largely successful in taking masses of people out of poverty, hunger and sickness. The free hand has been reasonably efficient in doing so at a large scale. Hence what is the role of the government? The Sarkar?

I find this question very difficult to answer in an unbiased fashion and way. What can I say that is not influenced by my money, success and life stage? Let’s look at a simple example – all of us rich folks hate the Ganapti celebration and the toll it takes on the traffic while we are going home. This dancing on the streets while taking the idol for immersion creates bottle necks and we rich people in cars ask – what on earth is going on? Shouldn’t all these be banned in a big commercial metropolis like Mumbai.

When I was growing up, dandiyas were like a big thing. All the gujju neighborhoods would organize massive dandiya festivals on the streets and they would dance till the wee hours of the morning. It became so big a fad that every neighborhood would organize this function right inside their colony, on whichever ground they could erect a basic pandal. It was the done thing. With the noise levels rising and the dance continuing till late, it was a matter of time that some people took objection to all the noise and started protesting. The gujjus fought back. It was their 9 nights of revelry.

This was the only time that women and men could dance together in pre liberalized India. There were no outlets for any of the young kids to go out and just hang out, let alone dance. Dance is an interesting thing. I think it is some kind of evolutionary thing where you allow your body to sway with abandon and it then takes over your mind. It allows you to flirt and exchange glances. It allows you to connect with someone matching step to step. Dandiya is the best form of this. The whole group agrees on the steps and then you match with each other – the timing being critical so that you hit the dandiyas at the same time. The whole group goes into a coordinated frenzy. The best part of this – then you twirl and move to the next dancer… multitudes of people dance with each other. Each one trying to coordinate with the other. It’s a perfect flirting sequence. No wonder it was so popular with the young kids who otherwise would shun anything so traditional. They invested their own moves, their own music and even called it a name – Disco Dandiya.

As the complaints grew, authorities took note and time limits were set. I remember at first they were often flouted butt soon enough the authorities were forced to act and the dancing would come to a close by 10 pm. That was the first body blow. The second and fatal body blow was simple – more options for the young kids. Enough discos and enough places with music where young kids could go and dance and inter mingle. Enough coffee shops and enough malls. You don’t need to dance in a community with elders watching when you simply can pub it (and get drunk as well).

This to my mind killed dandiyas completely and the gujjus simply moved on. Even in marriage ceremonies, they were taken off and replaced with dance parties with DJs, lights and daaru. But this craze didn’t die… it simply moved to the poorer sections of the society. Now dandiyas are often organized by poor ghettos and slums. They dance away with gay abandon in much the same way the gujjus of old used to. The pubs are out of reach for the poor and this is their outlet.

Ganapati celebrations are also similar. They get to get together and play music, dance away, hold compeitions and have langars. They all contribute  and often get political support and hold massive celebrations. At this stage when I see them dance and take to the roads for the processions, I am forced to be in a little bit of a dilemma. Who am I to pass judgment? Who am I to ask them to get out of the way?

As always the answer is somewhere in the middle. The poor need an outlet to enjoy and gather peacefully as a community. If we as rich asses think clearly, this is something we must promote. What’s a few days of inconvenience for fostering a community. Communities if handled well, tend to lower the crime rate and create an ecosystem that is self-dependent and economically prosperous. Studies have shown that great community living ensures a better health quotient than anything else. People take care of each other and people who retire live longer and continue to manage and grow the community. Often it’s seen that self-run communities like gymkhanas or housing societies rely on older people to run and manage them as they are ones with time. Today I was listening to a podcast that spoke about how spies are constantly worried about LOPs. LOPS? Little old people. These are people who have nothing to do but stand outside the balcony and watch other people and see patterns. They are ones that figure that things are wrong. They sit up at odd hours at night and keep a watch out. They are far more useful than what the society can imagine. In most movies and crime fiction as well as actual crime stories – it’s always the LOP that testifies. In fact once an Israeli spy ring was busted in Switzerland as they were reported behaving suspiciously around a house at 2 am by an old lady. Hah.

Jasmine is a secularist and is very annoyed that 500 rupees is added to our society maintenance charges towards society celebrations – that include Ganapati and holi and independence days etc. I agree it’s annoying and it should be voluntary. But on the other hand, this money ensures that we have society functions and that we know and recognize others in the society and socialize. We meet over such events especially for the free food on offer. Thanks to this a community develops and thanks to this people feel connected and thanks to this we work towards common goals and public goods like – cleanliness, upkeep, security etc. This increases the overall value of the property. The benefits far outweigh the costs, however communal or forced down upon.

This is the nature of human behavior. The downsides to this community is also when the society closes doors to outside ideas and talents. Societies in Mumbai, especially the older established societies with few tenants start making extra judicial laws like not allowing rental for singles or live in or work to refuse sale to people outside communities. I have argued before and studies show that a balance of renters and owners are required to bring about change. Too many renters and no one really cares about long term upkeep and too many owners and the society becomes rigid. This works as I have noticed for buildings as well as cities as a whole.

I think that religious festivities or any festivities must be encouraged but with rules that ensure that things don’t go out of hand. Fixed times and space allotted for the festivities with minimal impact outside of those directly involved may be created. Of course its gets crazy when one talks about some festivities becoming so large like the lalbaugh ka raja ganpati celebrations. The whole road outside needs to be blocked out. But on the flip side many of these generate donations that can be put to good use and least of all give employment opportunities to so many people. I like this as an income redistribution mechanism. As often seen, politicians get it right before most other professions.

Till then, I am going to be stuck in traffic, irritated and bored, spewing toxic emissions for future generations. Curse those bloody processions, I want to go home, while the meek inherit the earth.

just some stuff

Whats up Jispa? Really hope you are enjoying the blog so far.

I had written the birthday blog beforehand but had not posted it as the closing lines were still to be written. Then came the massive monsoon deluge and floods and we were stuck in office till about 2 am. The next day I did not have the laptop at home and hence got a peon to get it from office in the afternoon. After that the corporate nonsense happened. The laptop cannot connect to the internet from a home wifi and hence I had no internet and I couldn’t post the blog written.

Corporates are so stupid and ill thought of, I wonder how it even manages to run any way close to how it’s running. It’s like the government of India. I wonder how it ever runs. You are not incentivized to run anything and you probably do better when you do nothing. But it runs because some good guys in the system want to do well and want to change the life of others around them. They are good ones who make the system run and make you have faith in it. Corporates are no different. As they get larger and larger, they get weirder and weirder. The incentive is to let the status quo remain. If you take risk you don’t get commensurate rewards. Some guys decided that laptops must have high security. Sure a lot of laptops have a lot of confidential data but then there are better ways to manage them and through the data now possible in a cloud, it’s possible to control via access points. But then Cloud computing is a concept in corporates. ‘so you are telling me that my data will not be in a physical server in my premise’… ‘no’…’then where will it be’. And how can we allow that? Where are the norms, where are the safe gaurds, NO it’s not allowed… OH GOD! All the world’s best and craziest startups that you bloody idiots want to emulate have their stuff up in cloud servers. But here all the jokers will object to anything that they don’t understand and that disturbs their daily routine.

More funny stuff in corporate life – you can have a photo on your I-card with a tshirt. It has to be with a collared shirt. Why? No one knows. Somebody wrote the manual in that and decided that this little thing is important for the brand of the company. Sure. Even for a non-client facing role. So my old photo with a t shirt was rejected. I refused to give another one and then HR came to me and requested me. Fine.

No one knows why half the rules are even made anywhere. They just are there and you have to live with them. One of the things we have is access control. To go to the loo you have to use the i-card. Yup it’s behind somewhere which needs you to use the access control doors to get through. Corporates are in the mortal fear that they will be infiltrated by espionage agencies. It’s pretty stupid. Most of the data secrets are very simple to get by. You just schedule an interview with candidates who are working with your competitor. Everyone sings in an interview.

So there - I had to take the laptop back to the office to get the office wifi (BTW office wifi is also given on designation level, seriously!) and then got to post the blog. Eesh.

All organizations are weird. Startups have their own issues, which I saw upfront. The politics goes even crazier because there are no safe guards. Anybody can be fired at the bosses whim and fancy, so they have a higher sense of insecurity. But things like wifi are dealt with differently. There are no LAN wires itself at a startup and no one gets a desktop. Everyone is roaming around with laptops and wifi trying to work wherever they can / want. Of course resultant chaos rules but at least the boxed in effect a large organization does come through.

I have often thought, what would my organization, look like? If I ever build one ground up, I will try and ensure that the business plan is built on having as less employees as possible with as much tech as possible. Less is more. Less people will hopefully mean a crowd that is controllable and that is less political. That is critical. Existing organizations can’t change much. They have their own inherent walls built in which take too much resistance to dissolve. People will get scared when they see change. Any change. Only the down and out welcome change as they have nothing to lose or the supremely confident and secure. Rest all get scared of whats in store.

Bottom line – change is a bum. Change agents are bigger bums. Corporate environments are real crazy. Managing people is a full time job. And people put extraordinary effort in making life difficult and regimented for everyone. This is called having a job.

Which begs the question that how does it all still work? I guess, firms work as they are able to spot an opportunity and then exploit it well enough. They become very good at doing that one thing. That’s why they grow but when faced with challenges on a scale not anticipated they crumble and fall. That explains why so many companies also die. Many years ago, I read about “the living company” – which was an article in the Harvard Business Review. He spoke about the life of companies being measured in thousands of years. That is the potential life of a company. Now the decisions you can take or must take are very different. When I was interviewing, one very interesting senior person I met at a company that was interested in me told me, when you are trying to build a company for a 100 years then you automatically don’t take short term calls. I don’t know how much the firm must be acting upon it but the person seemed genuine and more importantly the idea seemed interesting. It was in stark contrast to the new startups that are looking to build scale and quickly sell the firm – in other words – flip it.

I am not too fussed about building a firm as much as I am fussed about a legacy. This can be in the form of practices and procedures, or building people. People typically have a better chance of a lasting legacy as opposed to procedures or practices which can be quickly dismantled as I have seen multiple times in the past. It used to hurt to see the stuff that I had built to be broken by my successors, and clinically so. Now I don’t care. Its fun to see it destroyed thus by idiots who have no clue on what they are doing.

As I grow older my view on life is exceedingly simple – courage to change where I must and the patience to accept where I can’t. And in the end – just give me the money. With that I will manage what I really want in life.

So ya, that’s a simple story about your blog on your birthday. That’s why I gave it to you in the evening. Also you can access it on your phone, if you haven’t figured it out yet, dumbo!

Yesterday when I asked her ‘hey, I am coming home late, are you staying awake or should I just whatsapp the gift to you.’ She was like ‘that’s a damn cheap thing to do. Who gives a gift on whatsapp to anyone? How cheap”. What to do, the gift is like that only. So I went home and typed the url on her laptop screen and she remarked “that’s it? So simple”. Yes… that’s it.

Its been an interesting journey so far and I feel privileged to have documented it. Now that I am again in a big massive corporate I guess, I will have some more privacy and some more time to write and hopefully I would be more regular.

The last two years had been quite chaotic. I worked hard and I put in lots of efforts and sacrificed a lot. In the end, like this blog, you end up remembering all the good stuff. Jasmine said “good Jispa. Read this blog and now you will come to know how much you have tortured us, all these years”. Hahaha.